by Rachel Mascord, BDS, Sydney and Warrawong.
This has been an extraordinary week in my life…a point of endings and new beginnings that have left me raw and vulnerable in a way I’ve rarely allowed myself to experience before.
I submitted my resignation this week. This has been a momentous step because it is the first time I have left a job with no other job to go to. I had held this position for more than 16 years, and a very comfortable nest it became indeed. My comfort in this job lay in the “security” of its tenure, but an uncomfortable and damaging comfort it was. The price I was paying was high; its coinage the toleration of a constant level of low grade disrespect and the sort of subtle abuse that people learn to cope with, in some way or another. After all, it is quite the normal thing in this world…isn’t it? It is an abuse that does not mark the flesh, but rather more insidiously leaves its bruises deep and unseen upon the heart and the being.
Leaving it has felt like I imagine the baby bird must feel as it extends its wings for the first time, surrendering itself from the edge of the nest that has held it safe for so long…
Never have I allowed such a level of open vulnerability in my life. Never have I allowed such a level of surrender, never have I stated that I trust myself so deeply and all of the resource that comes, innate, rich and sourced from deep within me.
The extraordinariness of this time of my life cannot easily be laid out in word. My body, long tightened and tensed against the constant low bubble of tension and hurt has registered the release and celebrated with the release of its own in the form of a substantial health problem. “Here you go,” it has said to me, “take a look at how you have been negotiating your way through life. Do you see the way you have been gripping the reins for so long that your fingers no longer straighten and soften in tender supplication to the Divine Will? Do you feel the armour you have made of your chest to bear the hurts of disrespect others have sent your way – a disrespect you have not loved and respected yourself enough to ever address?
Do you feel the magnitude of the lack of trust you have had in yourself and consequently the lack of surrender to your Father’s Will? All of this I am revealing unto thee, the truth of your thus far Living Way…are you ready to release the fingers you have clenched hard, thus releasing us from the uncomfortable comfort you have made my home for so long? Are you at last, willing to let go that fearful control of circumstance that has felt like the only way to make your way through life? Are you willing to know that you are enough, more than enough? Are you yet willing to hand yourself unto God’s way, as he would live on Earth?”
How can I ignore such questions, asked of me, by my body, with such poignant and pointed clarity?
My response to it has been to harken myself, sharpen my ears and listen attentively. I have also been to see the most remarkable doctor of my life. No stone shall be left unturned medically, but I also know that even the greatest medicine can only treat that which I give it access to treat. The doctor can only play his part, the rest is up to me; is my part. It is the life I live and how I choose to live it.
So in consideration of this I ask myself: Shall I ever allow abuse again? What occurs to me in typing these words is that we humans have become so inured to abuse…the words “get over it”, “what’s wrong with you?”, “you’re too sensitive” fall from our lips so easily that they constitute our normal daily way of conversing with each other. Is this not how we have reached a point that it takes the most brutal of extremes of televised abuse to make us lift our heads from our evening meal and shake our heads before we take the next mouthful?
How many of us subsist in life, negotiating our way through the minefield of “hurt or be hurt,” that human life has become. Our fingers tighten on the reins of our lives, no longer able to straighten and soften in tender supplication to a Divine Will that we have long forgotten even existed.
It was Universal Medicine that reminded me, both of the Divine Will and inspired me to ignite again my willingness to live its Way…The Way of The Livingness. But to do so I have had to learn the greatest lesson of my life…that is to say no to abuse in its tiniest expression.
For even one drop of abuse is poison to the whole.
This bout of sickness, the grace of my very delicate body, has offered me the Truth of how I chose to exist for so very long. And now offers me a dare, if you will…if Love would ever offer such a thing…a dare to live with nothing but the greatest dedication to love, to my essence, my Soul. To live as God would live on Earth. Dare I ignore this firm directive to look within myself and see the glorious kernel of God’s Love that is my essence? How can I not, in the face of this truth, let go of the uncomfortable safety we call comfort and thus restore myself to the Living Son of God I am?
- Why wait? Let’s discard out-of-date and abusive attitudes about gender now!
- Love – the missing link in gender equality.
797 thoughts on “Breaking free of the uncomfortable comfort”
This is an amazing blog as it high lights what we tolerate in life.
as you say Dianne
“the toleration of a constant level of low grade disrespect and the sort of subtle abuse that people learn to cope with, in some way or another. After all, it is quite the normal thing in this world…isn’t it? It is an abuse that does not mark the flesh, but rather more insidiously leaves its bruises deep and unseen upon the heart and the being”.
We deny that we are super sensitive human-beings and the slings and arrows of life do leave their mark and then we wonder why we feel depressed and dissatisfied with ourselves and life. If life doesn’t make sense and for many it doesn’t then we are offered the distractions that we think will make life easier to bear but the internal scream just gets louder.
It’s a confronting read for all the right reasons, I can see the abuse I have allowed in my own life with the undercurrent of security being the justification. Abuse can feel so normal especially over a long period, I was reflecting on that today realising how I must have dulled my sensitivity to cope with it all which formed a pattern to desensitise me to it and allow it to become something I accepted. We need role models in society that don’t allow abuse, not just the obvious but the subtleties as well.
Rachel, when I first read the beginning of this blog, I was feeling the ‘uncomfortable comfort’ as this is what I am going through currently. My body is feeling such exhaustion, sleep is not enough to quench the thirst to rest, and rest that is not about sitting around doing nothing, but to truly allow the body to feel repose.
We like to stay safe all the time and as so well expressed every time we are moved, its like that fledging, spreading its wings, ready to leave the nest, not knowing what lays a head, but has a knowing that it needs to leave and doesn’t worry about the future. Whilst us humans are consumed about the ‘what if’s’, and needing to know, which tangles us in more complications.
Rachel this blog has come at a perfect time, to surrender more to the body, and from time to time, it needs to go through this cycle for it to end, before for the next one appears.
The medicine my body needed to read and feel – thank you.
“How can I ignore such questions, asked of me, by my body, with such poignant and pointed clarity?”
Love this Rachel, our bodies will always give us an honest answer.
Le, we are masters at ignoring, everything we do is about ignoring the body and the messages it constantly communicates. The body is our best friend, it is the one that will not let you down and it is by your side all the time, more often it is the head that gets in the way and the thoughts we allow in.
Which is better for the body, the quality of thoughts we entertain or how we take care of our bodies that guarantees the quality of those thoughts?..
This is very beautiful and inspiring: ‘Never have I allowed such a level of open vulnerability in my life. Never have I allowed such a level of surrender, never have I stated that I trust myself so deeply and all of the resource that comes, innate, rich and sourced from deep within me.’ Can comfort be uncomfortable? This alone shows it can.
This fight that we put up all along – to say that we are not god, every single manouvering to prove that we are not love – this package of abuse of every shade is what we call life. This excruciating pain we call comfort. Sometimes our body starts to say ‘No more’ before we can formulate these two words verbally, and when we can truly say ‘Yes’ to that, that is like the armistice day we have been delaying, and longing for at the same time, has finally come.
Holding back and staying in comfort feels awful and there is this feeling of mild depression, so, it’s easy to see how people long term could go into depression. Whereas, when we do things to get out of our comfort, it’s as if the whole world opens up and the potential is presented.
Hugely inspiring what you share here, Rachel, and expose so lucidly the abuse that comfort and security can be and so often is.
“The doctor can only play his part, the rest is up to me; is my part.” This very wise statement has the power and the potential to turn the doctor/patient relationship right around, for so many give their power away to the medical professionals as they feel there is nothing they can do as far as their health condition is concerned. But you have shown that is definitely not the case. We are responsible for our own health, and as the state of our health is a consequence of the way we choose to live, we always have the power to make a different and more healthy choice.
Outstanding to read, a call to ignite the love within and dare to live it everyday, committed to returning to it should we falter.
It is only through surrendering to my Father’s will that I embrace everything that is on offer and to do this I surrender to my soul and not give any power to the spirit within me or within others… a work-in-progress that continues to unfold as I learn to listen, trust and respond to the divine essence within me.
We are yet to fully recognise that background tension and hurt and its effects on our health but it is something that I can recognise and I’m sure affects many people.
It was only in 2015 that a law against coercion and control was passed, allowing emotional and mental abuse to be considered in a UK court of law, rather than physical abuse which was accepted previously. Harder to prove, but now possible.
It’s so important to have a law like this, which is also needed for cyber abuse worldwide. The emotional, mental and financial abuse is devastating in many ways, so it is vital to set standards that it’s not ok by law, until we can take responsibility for ourselves and others by virtue of our own inner authority.
“… even one drop of abuse is poison to the whole.” We can see this graphically illustrated if we put one drop of food colour into a glass of water. The whole glass becomes coloured, especially when stirred. Standing up to abuse, whether aimed at ourselves or others, feels so important these days. Left to its own devices it can escalate, through our ignoring the signs and not addressing them. Time to stand up and be counted.
It is a reminder too that as bystanders we enable and contribute to the continuation of abuse in the world.
“The price I was paying was high; its coinage the toleration of a constant level of low grade disrespect and the sort of subtle abuse that people learn to cope with, in some way or another. ” When we allow even the minutest subtlest form of abuse, words that may not to some seem hurtful or abusive on the surface, but come with a punch that can send us reeling even though no finger has been laid on us, we are in effect saying yes to abuse and allowing it to continue in every corner of the world. If it is not love, it is abuse and this should be the premise by which we live our lives and then there would be no grey areas as to what we may consider to be abusive and what we may not.
When we know we are enough, more than enough, nothing holds us back but it comes from a willingness to deepen the surrender to our being and not from a ‘doing’ which comes from outside ourselves.
Reading this again today I feel inspired to drop anything that might be feeding this abuse in my own life. Thank you Rachel Mascord.
‘an abuse that does not mark the flesh, but rather more insidiously leaves its bruises deep and unseen upon the heart and the being.’ This is the kind of abuse that we tend make light of, that we tend to ignore or put up with, deeming it less important or damaging. It is just as important and just as damaging if not more so, for these internal wounds can get deeper and deeper and actually run down the body so that physical illness can occur later on down the line, not to mention depression and other non-physical problems.
“For even one drop of abuse is poison to the whole.” – indeed it is and I am slowly working with this truth and allowing myself to see abuse for what it is and realise that one drop counts and building my ‘say-no-to-abuse-muscle’.
We are so very used to the safety net of comfort and security that we can blind ourselves to the cost of this in our lives – standards are dropped, abuse is allowed all in the name of holding on to comfort and security. To say no and to step away from the comfort and security without any so called back up plan of security or comfort is something we rarely see today. Rachel what you have shared here is that the comfort and security is not the end all and be all – in fact it is a facade that if we allow ourselves to leave it, we get to feel the strength of the spark – the true being that lies deep within: the Soul. And so it is for us to develop this relationship and invest in this, rather than the relationship with so called comfort and security in life.
Abuse is abuse and there are grades of it. At some point we must say no to it and raise the standard so that we can all learn how to live in a truly respectful and caring way.