Anon, 43, UK.

During late summer in 2021 I was unwell for around 6 – 8 weeks. Initially it was thought to be a chest infection as I was having difficulty breathing. I was also coughing, had a tight heavy chest, and what I can only describe as like the sound of bubble wrap popping as I breathed. A week or two after this started, when I was walking down the stairs, I gave a big cough and something in the right side of my back went; I didn’t fall, but I was in absolute agony, and could hardly move.

With the symptoms of my breathing and then the chest and back pain, I called the doctors but both times I was given an over the phone consultation with the practice nurse, no face-to-face appointment, no discussion with a doctor but told to take a very strong mixture of painkillers and was prescribed painkillers four times a day. This went on for weeks and although it was dulling the pain and was on some level supportive, it wasn’t really helping in the long term. I know my body and I knew something more was going on. I knew taking painkillers for over a month without being seen face to face was not the answer.  My breathing was getting no better, so I called the surgery again, and again no face to face appointment was given and this time I was told it was an upper respiratory condition and it will go away soon.

Let me be very clear, this is not a critique of nurses and doctors at all, they do an incredible job as I have experienced many times. But unfortunately, it’s becoming all too common, if you read articles and speak to people around you, that people feel they are not being seen by local GP surgeries, only phone call appointments and this has become more inflamed with the current climate of Covid. I’ve had many conversations with people in shops, work, car parks about not being seen by their doctors, with some resulting in serious emergency conditions and patients having to be taken to hospital. I also know on the other hand having spoken with GPs over the years about what’s going on for them, there is a shortage of GPs and a lack of resources. Many people coming through medical school are just not wanting to be GPs anymore. So, there is a two-way street here, which we all have to take responsibility for, both for our own health, how we look after ourselves, but also for surgeries to start seeing people in person again. The truth is it currently isn’t good enough as a service, more people need to speak up and say this isn’t okay, not from anger or emotions, but there is a level of service to be provided and this isn’t it.

My breathing difficulties didn’t go away, I was out of breath walking up the stairs or the slightest, tiniest incline on the pavement which is not like me as I am a healthy person, I take care of my body, I’m not overweight, I eat well, exercise, and don’t drink or smoke.  I knew something wasn’t right, and the pain in my back was stopping me from sleeping at night. So I called the doctors again, was given a phone call appointment and this time I spoke to a lovely female doctor who said no, this is not okay, you need to be seen in person about your back, and I was seen later that day. I had a face to face appointment where my back was examined and I said to the doctor ‘I want an X -Ray as something is not okay’, to which he agreed. Unfortunately, he sent me for a pelvis X-Ray instead of my chest and spine, and had he done this he would have detected what was really going on, a few weeks earlier than it was picked up. I was also referred to a physio, but again this was a phone call, no video call, no face-to-face examination of my body, back, chest etc. so I am not sure how they could assess whether I needed treatment or not. I was told if it was not better in 12 weeks, call them back.

A week later I called the doctors again as I knew there was something still going on that was more than a cold/upper respiratory infection. My breathing wasn’t right, or normal, and especially not going on for 6-8 weeks like this. I decided I was not being fobbed off with more pills or, the ‘it will go away in 6-8 weeks by itself’, so I called again, got the nurse and said there is something not right, I feel like I am being fobbed off with more painkillers etc, I want to see a doctor. And with that I had an appointment later that afternoon with a doctor, the very lovely female doctor who got me in straight away for my back. Herself and a female student doctor examined me, they couldn’t hear any issues in my chest, but she said I believe you and we need to investigate this further, so she set up a chest X-Ray for me the following week, and ECG and bloods to be taken.

The following week I went to the hospital after work for my chest X-Ray, the day just flowed. Normally the car park is full, and you need to park in the street and a good walk up to the hospital, not today, there was space a short walk from the back entrance to the hospital. I went in early, behind one other person, no waiting and was taken first. The X-Ray itself took minutes, I expected to walk out and head off home after. But this wasn’t the case.

As I got dressed and waited for the radiographer to come see me to tell me to go, she came out and said, ‘I need to get a doctor to see you’. Of course immediately inside I was freaking out, oh my god, what is wrong, then when she said ‘have you got anyone with you’ – that was it, full blown ‘what the hell is going on’, my body was shaking, I was having thoughts of: I’m going to be told I’ve got cancer, am I going to die? I don’t want to die yet, I thought as I sat there, I’ve too much to still do, not for myself but for people, humanity, my job isn’t over for this lifetime yet.

I asked what is wrong. “I can’t tell you” came the reply, “but I’ll get a doctor from A & E” so of course that didn’t help me. She was simply doing her job, but not the best situation to be in, left in a corridor, on your own, no one around, knowing something is wrong, but not being told what. Of course, these thoughts cross your mind, especially as my sister had died of cancer.

The truth is, I was being held by Heaven all through this from the point I had issues with my breathing to my back pain, and supported by a great medical team, from the female doctor in my local GP surgery, to the radiographer and the rest of the nurses, doctors and specialists I was about to meet. It was no coincidence I got a space in the car park that day, that I was taken first, a doctor from A & E was with me in a few minutes to explain what was going on, and she was the loveliest doctor ever, and made it clear I didn’t have cancer nor was I going to die.

She took me to a computer and showed me the X- Ray of my chest, “can you see this, all this emptiness and this is your lung, it shouldn’t be like this.”

Basically my lung had ¾ collapsed, it had a tear in it.  What myself and the specialists feel happened, was that it collapsed the day I coughed, and it hadn’t been a muscle spasm as I had been told.  It is uncommon and it normally happens to tall skinny teenage boys aged about 14-15 years. I am definitely not one of those.

The lovely doctor explained to me what was going on, what was happening with my lung, and talked me through what they may have to do. She took me to a room in the hospital where I lay on a bed, got wired up for my oxygen, heart rate etc then I was introduced to a consultant and another doctor. They talked me through the procedures they would have to do to help my lung re-inflate. I listened for a time, but blood and stuff makes me feel sick, so I said ‘do what you need to do, I trust you’. And off they went to discuss.

In time a lovely nurse came in and got me into a gown.  I had the place to myself, I was well looked after by several staff, she said to me, or it may have been one of the doctors, ‘you do know we never get consultants visiting in here, it is no coincidence he was here for you this afternoon;’ again Heaven holding me.

A student nurse came in and asked if she could stay and watch the procedure as she hadn’t seen it before, ‘of course,’ I said, ‘no problem at all.’ All in all, I had 5 people in the room with me, two doctors, two nurses and the consultant overseeing the whole thing, whilst they inserted a tube into my chest / ribcage area to remove the excess air from my body so the lung could re-expand itself. I won’t lie it was painful, very sore towards the end. But as it currently stands it appears to be successful, I’ve follow up X-Rays and consultations to go to. I’ve been told I can’t fly or go scuba diving (not that I do that) for a year. That there is 50% chance it can happen in the other lung in the next two years, it can re-occur in the current lung, and any breathing issues, mild or severe, pain, dizziness, fainting, feeling faint etc, then I’ve to go straight to A & E.

But even with all of this, the whole process from start to finish, from travelling to the hospital to have the medical procedure flowed, I feel I was supported by the best team ever and deeply held by Heaven all the way.

Now being a student of The Livingness I know there is more to this than meets the eye, there is something in how I have been living that is the energetic root cause behind this acute illness. The doctor was very clear about what was happening physically and when I shared this with Serge Benhayon, he helped me to see that it was energetically due to how I had been living, basically aligning to a lack of purpose and thereby separating myself from my essence, my Soul. There is more to it than that, more depth of understanding, but everyone will be different regarding the precise reason energetically of why something happens – it isn’t the exact same for all. But what I do know is that I was and still am being held through this whole process, a healing and a warning in itself, and have had the most incredible support from the whole medical team that have been with me and those who are continuing to support me.

It certainly has brought me right back into my body, made me feel a whole lot more fragile, vulnerable, still and quiet. My body is telling me to not race back into how I was living before, it’s actually telling me to not race at all, or go back to that way of moving and living at all, but go to a whole deeper level or awareness, purpose and stillness. As Serge Benhayon has presented on many occasions,

“The body is the marker of truth”¹

It’s now 2023, two years since my lung collapsed, and I feel amazing. Purpose to me is a normal as breathing.

1. Serge Benhayon circa 1999.

Read more:

2) The importance of breathing.

3) Breath: breathing a rhythm that is true.