My First Hospital Experience

by RB, massage therapist, mother, artist, business owner.

Recently I was away from home, studying and training for a week. I developed a pain in my back which got worse by the day, but because I am always so tough on myself, I just continued on regardless. It was compulsory work training, after all!

I have never taken much medication – instead I have been the hippy herbalist who would avoid doctors and medications at all costs – but this time the pain was getting too intense. I started taking off-the-shelf pain killers to the maximum dose and was still not getting any relief. I tried hot showers, sleeping on the floor, walking, moving, whatever, to just get relief from the pain, but it kept increasing.

By the end of the week, the pain was crazy, so I asked my trainer if I could leave early and drove home. I tried to play with the kids when I got home, but was really struggling with the pain, and the next morning my flat mate tried to convince me to go to the hospital or at least to see a doctor. I kept saying I would be okay, but when I realised that I couldn’t urinate anymore, I finally admitted something was wrong.

In hindsight, if I had actually stopped and felt the pain I was in, I should have been to see a doctor or gone to the hospital earlier but I am used to not caring fully for my body, to over-riding the signals it gives me and most of all, to pushing on through. I can see now how I chose to abuse my body by not going to doctors and getting support over the years, instead choosing to be in pain and suffer.

My time in hospital was pretty short, I spent three days there and during that time, although I was in considerable pain and on a lot of medication, I really enjoyed meeting the nurses and doctors who were caring for me. I got to know some of their names, who they were, what their story was and it was lovely because I could really feel how much they cared. I watched how some of the other patients treated these nurses and doctors with such disrespect. It saddened me to hear how they were spoken too. I can understand it is hard when you are in a lot of pain, but that gives no excuse to abuse the staff who work long hard hours to care for us. It made me aware of how so many of us abuse our own bodies, and then end up in hospital and expect someone else to fix us, without taking any responsibility for what brought us there in the first place.

We expect so much from others, yet we don’t even give that to ourselves.

I could also see how easy it could be for me to resist the care that they were offering, to fight and not be open to receiving them and what they brought.

In the past I have found it hard to trust people, but on this occasion I let go of all that, and the result was so beautiful.

I learned a little more about letting people in, to my heart and to my life, about trusting and allowing them to help me, and the joy and healing this can bring.

569 thoughts on “My First Hospital Experience

  1. It is beautiful RB that you chose to surrender in this situation and to allow others to help you, too often we feel we need to soldier on in life and never rely on another’s support, to honour our vulnerability and delicateness, no matter what the situation is, is a very loving and self-caring choice that benefits us immensely.

  2. There is always a price to pay for not listening to our body. And just like an overdue loan it gets more costly the more we ignore it’s wise messages. Thank goodness it is so welcoming and none judgemental when we do finally decide to pay.

  3. ‘We expect so much from others, yet we don’t even give that to ourselves.’ When we begin to turn this around and start to honour our feelings and be the change that we want to see our relationship with ourselves changes and we all benefit. It really does all start with the quality we bring to ourselves.

  4. “We expect so much from others, yet we don’t even give that to ourselves” – so true. And when others don’t give what we have expected, there’s disappointment/frustration/anger/sadness… all kinds of reactions we can indulge into. It clearly is a set-up.

  5. “I chose to abuse my body by not going to doctors and getting support over the years, instead choosing to be in pain and suffer” – me too. In saying ‘no’ to conventional medicine, I arrogantly used to think that I was being savvy and taking better care of myself somehow while my body kept suffering the negligence I was actually subjecting it to.

  6. It’s unbelievable that we would choose pain, over lovingly supporting ourselves when we do not feel well, to override the body’s signals and think we can mask or get away with painkillers in the belief that the pain will disappear. We need to realise that it is actually a signal to stop and take stock of the choices that we have been making, and to be honest in our lack of responsibility, and not expecting someone to fix us.

  7. The ripples of disrespecting our bodies are felt by all but particularly the nursing staff that have to care for the patients who are expecting to be ‘fixed’. When was it deemed acceptable to abdicate responsibility for our own health and abuse those who attempt to support any resulting treatment? It feels like there should be a code of conduct for hospital patients and consequences if this is not followed. Obviously it would be much better if people chose to take better care of themselves in the first place but in the meantime it needs to be clear that unacceptable and disrespectful behaviour will not be tolerated.

  8. ‘It made me aware of how so many of us abuse our own bodies, and then end up in hospital and expect someone else to fix us, without taking any responsibility for what brought us there in the first place.’ True, how easy it is to ignore the signals and to then feel the victim of what the body had to tell us in a more ‘tough’ way. How easy to blame others and not acknowledge the disregard you have chosen yourself in the first place.

  9. I have always found the staff in hospitals more than supportive and it seems to me that if we are open with others then they are more willing to be open with us, and it makes absolutely no sense to abuse someone who is trying to help, even if we are grumpy from being in pain.

  10. Sometimes it takes a spell in Hospital for us to appreciate what we have and what our bodies do for us. Our bodies are continually asking us to treat them with more respect and as we treat ourselves with more respect so too can we naturally respect and be considerate of others.

  11. Life is so much simpler when we stop resisting and go with what’s there to support us, be it listening to our bodies, or letting love in.

    1. And speaking of support, it’s interesting that it was your back that was in pain RB – a big source of support for us at the physical level.

  12. I agree RB, there is no excuse to be rude or short with people that are caring for you. It is great that you were able to surrender and get the support from the hospital and the staff. I think that many people demand of others what they have refused to give to themselves and therefore there is more pressure on others to deliver this for them.

  13. Sometimes we do not know the blessing we are missing from not letting people in or allowing them to support us when we need them. Resisting the opportunity to trust and surrender to that only denies ourselves the beauty and potential healing that true care between people can bring.

  14. Yes we created a world where it is more and more ‘normal’ to be rude to each other even though it is not normal at all. It seems normal because it is common yet this does not mean it is our natural way of being with each other and it is important to claim that for ourselves and in how we are with other people.

  15. So often we can feel that we need to go it alone when it comes to needing to have procedures to support our healing. Thank you for sharing how the willingness to surrender gives an even deeper level of healing that allows more to come through in the quality we offer others in the long run.

  16. It is crazy how we have generated a culture that champions our ability to withstand pain, override what our bodies tell us to the point that we currently deem this as a sign of strength, and disregarding ourselves is ‘cool’. Clearly this is not serving us well, in any way. We only seem to listen to our bodies when we are broken, unable to continue in the momentum we are in, and are physically forced to stop. Yet all the while our bodies are calling for us to listen, to connect to a greater intelligence that will without a doubt guide us to know what true fulfillment is, and how we can support ourselves to live it.

  17. A visit to hospital that offered a healing; a healing with conventional medicine complemented with esoteric medicine of learning to let people in and appreciating that how we treat others is reflected in how they are with us.

  18. It should be a crime the way some people speak to others is so harming and they couldn’t care less. What is also sad is the way that so many just accept being abused in this way as par for the course.

  19. It is revealing how much we try to make everything fit to the choice of life we made which, most would say that represents them well. In that path, we do anything to avoid disturbing it, even if we are clearly disturbed by what is going on. What this makes clear, is how deep we know what is the real problem: the choice of life we identify with and we do not wish to disturb.

  20. “We expect so much from others, yet we don’t even give that to ourselves.” Yes I have also found that in life. That we have a tendency to provide for others, then don’t do so for ourselves. In fact we go one step further and don’t create a solid foundation for ourselves, but in giving giving giving to others, creates a vacuum and emptiness inside, that can never be filled by giving to others and expecting something in return. We have to build, connect and love from within first, then from there provide for others.

  21. We definitely have a responsibility to ourselves and other in regards to looking after ourselves, when we have the attitude that we need to be fixed, we haven’t taken responsibility for what choices we made in the first place to end up where we are.

  22. Letting people in and allowing others to support us, why do we so fight this natural way of living as a community? I, for one am just beginning to tentatively allow others to support me, yet I feel the constant pull to support others, so why is it that I think I don’t deserve the equal support, from myself and others? Very pertinent questions that highlight how hardened our bodies become when stop the natural flow of love.

  23. ‘In hindsight, if I had actually stopped and felt the pain I was in, I should have been to see a doctor or gone to the hospital earlier but I am used to not caring fully for my body, to over-riding the signals it gives me and most of all, to pushing on through.’

    Yes, I can relate. I’ve spent much of my adult life in this place. It took me close to two years to see a doctor about the extreme fatigue and collection of random symptoms I was experiencing. Mind you, it and they, were slow on-set so I lost sight of what was my regular state of health and vitality. However that I accepted a lesser state as normal is interesting. Like you RB, I was used to pushing through and past… until I couldn’t anymore. It seems to take most of us to hit rock bottom before we take care of ourselves. And even then, the lesson can be skipped in the haste to ‘return to normal’ – to the way it was before.

  24. ‘I watched how some of the other patients treated these nurses and doctors with such disrespect.’ This same disrespect occurs in restaurants and retail settings wherever customers presume themselves to be ‘above’ those who are serving them, or consider the staff as somehow dispensable, or convenient recipients of their agitation if they’re stressed or tense. This is perhaps backed by the ‘customer is king’ maxim – but this is a falsity, for we are all equals: we are all kings. Purchasing a service does not give one person the right to abuse another.

  25. If we develop a serious illness or physical condition that requires medical attention, we may come to the awareness that we are responsible for getting ourselves into that situation, but that does not mean we have to be hard on ourselves and not allow others to help us when it’s needed. I’m learning that I have a choice to feel ashamed of having got myself into such a mess, or I can take responsibility for myself by surrendering into the love and healing being offered by my body which in turns supports me to let in the love and support of others. The first does not allow any healing at all, the second allows the healing to be unlimited. It’s our choice.

  26. It is crazy how so many of us have grown up, with putting up with pain and ignoring the signs that something is wrong. We keep pushing through life, until our body says enough and puts a stop. Only then we stop to notice how we have been living. Why do we have to go this far, why do we have to wait for an illness or dis-ease or even and accident to stop?

    1. I agree Amita. The real crazy is allowing our bodies to be run by a spirit that couldn’t care less about our body. You could argue but we don’t know we are allowing this but surely we do really know that we are multidimensional i.e. that there is far more to us than simply the physical?

  27. It always amuses me (although it is not funny really) when people who are in the business of health care can afford such little care to their own bodies and their own health. I can put my hand up being the same when I was a complementary health practitioner, I had an anti-medication and traditional medicine attitude and was proud of my stoic attitude. Thanks to Serge Benhayon I am far more caring of my body and much more welcoming of support from all areas.

  28. I love the line “We expect so much from others, yet we don’t even give that to ourselves”. Perhaps when we direct our fury at them for not meeting our expectations it is our own self-fury for not having met ourselves with love.

    1. I agree Nikki. I am discovering more and more that the quality of relationship that I share with others is a direct reflection of the relationship, the degree of love, care and honor, I hold for myself. We so often know why we are unwell but don’t like to admit it, hence why we turn away from accepting responsibility and turn to blame another, or anything else instead.

  29. This blog makes me smile because it actually doesn’t go into the fact that you had an issue that landed you in hospital for 3 days – there is no drama – just a sharing of how we behave when we are in pain. There is so much we can learn from this blog – as I clearly am!

  30. The lengths we allow things to go to before we seek support or treatment are at times extreme. It wouldn’t be cause for us to ask why if so many of us weren’t similar in this way. Why do we deny or ignore what is right in front of us at times? I mean what can be running you if you are choosing to run yourself like this? This isn’t just a question for the author but a more personal question to me and all of us. Even if we know someone that is having trouble with their body or themselves, how are we with them? Are we forcing them to see a doctor or ignoring them or are we supporting them to see that there is something else going on. We often think all our thoughts are our own when at times it is clear there is another part at play. I mean who in their right mind would choose to hurt themselves or be in extended pain, it just doesn’t make sense.

  31. In the past I did not trust doctors or medication and my experience of visiting doctors was not great – they seemed cold, distant, patronising. I started seeing the value of conventional medicine when I met Serge Benhayon and now I see doctors and medication as a wonderful support when my body needs it. Interestingly my experience of medical people has also changed now – they all seem helpful, attentive hard working and very caring!

  32. I used to really disliked visiting doctors because of a dependency I felt I had with them, wanting them to fix me for poor lifestyle choices that I made. So I spent many years completely rejecting doctors and decided in arrogance that I don’t need them. It has taken a whole new transformation to come back to appreciate our medical system and the awareness of my body, and that conventional medicine complements body wisdom. When I need to see a doctor now, there is no more fear but a warm welcome to understand myself more and to receive support with medicine.

  33. You make a point here that I hadn’t picked up on – we abuse our bodies and then we abuse the people who help us fix our bodies because we are in so much pain. Looking at it now, and in that way, it is such an abdication, once again, of taking responsibility for our choices and behaviour.

  34. When our body gives us pain, it’s a sure sign that it is trying to tell us something, and rather than ignoring it if we stop and feel what is going on we know if we need to see the doctor which could save a lot of extra medical care if we put it off too long, not to mention the amount of extra pain we also endure, because we put it off in the hope that it would go away.

  35. “We expect so much from others, yet we don’t even give that to ourselves.” How true this is in all relationships, whether it’s our partner, friend, family, or doctor, and how freeing it is to take that responsibility for ourselves.

  36. We have a responsibility to ourselves, after all it’s in our best interest to look after our own body, as it’s the only one we have in this life time. But how often do we deny the messages and avoid feeling, and facing up to the reality that we are not living, loving and supporting our body.

  37. We expect so much from others, but aren’t even willing to give it to ourselves first – this can apply to anything from love, acceptance, joy – we want others to bring us and be all of these things, and can live in the excuse that we’re not going to be all of that until someone else shows us that it’s safe for us to live like that, first – but all of this is just an excuse, when we can live those qualities ourselves, right now: what are we waiting for? The other point that resonates here is letting people in: when we think we have to do it all by ourselves, we’re in total illusion: working together, being in relationships and reflecting to each other is how we learn and grow.

  38. I have proven to myself at least that the care you receive in hospital is a direct reflection of how you are with the staff. Also as you surmise it is related to how you care for yourself. It is not rocket science but if you are loving with them they will be loving with you. If you are irritable and impatient with them, what do you really expect coming back to you?

  39. I love how you are letting people in and trusting them, allowing their help and support, ‘In the past I have found it hard to trust people, but on this occasion I let go of all that, and the result was so beautiful.’

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