491 thoughts on “How are you Feeling?”

1. “To provide true care for another we must first provide that care in equal measure to ourselves” 101 of medicine – there are far too many burnt out health care professionals – in a loveless sector which spits out and chews up the very people who are born to care.

2. Harmony is who we all are. A natural and deep harmony in which there is nothing that is not harmonious, nothing at all. So when we bear this in mind and look around us it’s easy to see that there is almost no harmony whatsoever in either ourselves or the world around us, which is a stark indicator that tells us that we are not being who we naturally are.

3. Like so many things in life it’s a set up. Being made to feel guilty for putting ourselves first and being praised for putting others first is one of the countless number of ways that have been purposefully put in place to steer us away from connecting to ourselves because the dark forces know that it is through our re-connection back to self that we re-connect back to God and it is their sole purpose to delay that from happening for as long as they can. But there is a significant number of people who have managed to navigate their way back and like everybody else who makes it back, they simply turn around and go out again to bring everybody else back too.

4. Recently in conversation with a friend, I asked ‘How are you in your body?’ Taken aback, she said ‘Wow what a question to ask’ and responded in a way that took the conversation to depths of understanding we would not have reached had I asked her about her job or day. We have a responsibility in conversations with others to ask questions that are true and real. How the other responds is not in our control, but asking the question is.

5. The question ‘how are you’ is often asked and yet when it is answered, the truth isn’t presented. People don’t want to know you are not ok, people don’t have the time to stand and listen to what is wrong or not ok with you. And yet when we make that extra space to listen to what they have to say, they let go of what needs to be let go off. A few tears here and there is what was needed, a person who shows a bit of interest, is what was needed at that time.

   Life now a days is busy, and yet it only takes a few seconds to truly listen and respond to what is needed at that time and no more – it is that simple.

6. “To provide true care for another we must first provide that care in equal measure to ourselves.” The health care system can often seem void of this wisdom you talk of here Eunice, it does much harm not first caring for ourselves.

   1. Le, I totally agree. I work in the health care system and many of the staff need to nurture themselves before they can care for others. If your self care is not at the fore front, then caring for others is not only going to be challenging but draining. It’s a no wonder the system is at breaking point. True simple self care needs to be part of all health care professional curriculum training. What would the health care system look like if this was the case? Worth pondering over…

7. I love the equality that you offer in your last sentence and it is only by committing to living that level of self-care that we are able to offer it to others equally so.

8. “Everything was always ‘fine’ no matter what was really going on.” When we dismiss what we are feeling it prevents us from being aware of what we are truly feeling.

9. “True intelligence is embodied and feelings are the conveyors of that intelligence” – and in starting to truly honour what we are feeling, even at first it may not be ‘right’, and deepening trust with ourselves, that intelligence starts to speak even louder.

10. Expressing how we truly feel is an opportunity to be honest not only with ourselves but others too, it can also convey a great deal to another, provided they are listening, I have found the two go hand in hand to express fully you also need to listen fully too, because when we feel we have been heard we are willing to go deeper in our expression.

11. If we are not first caring for ourselves we may not even consider or feel to ask how another is from a depth of understanding that can only come from a quality of love that is lived. Thanks Eunice.

    1. It is only when we live a self-caring life that we are able to offer truly loving support to others.

12. Being honest with what is felt in my body and acting on it has truly changed the quality of my life. At times I don’t listen as attentively as I could and the body also communicates this. What a gem the body is.

13. It sure is something that seems foreign, to take care of ourselves and nurture ourselves when it is not something we have done and certainly not what we are seeing around us. It takes one person to show us that it is possible and then if we are ready and willing, it becomes something that we actually want to do.

    1. And Natalie it feels to me that there is a natural snowballing effect once we start taking care of ourselves. It feels like there is a gentle momentum that gradually includes more as well as deeper ways in which we can self-care and this goes hand in hand with becoming less and less tolerant of anything that feels in anyway abusive.

14. Caring for ourselves is where it’s at, how can we expect to live in a caring and respectful world if we do not first and foremost practice that with ourselves?

15. ‘ To provide true care for another we must first provide that care in equal measure to ourselves.’ To provide true work – we need to work from the all (brotherhood, love for ourselves and all members of humanity equally) for the all. Only then group work truly exists.

16. “To provide true care for another we must first provide that care in equal measure to ourselves.” Many words of wisdom in this blog Eunice and this was a stand out for me today. So true. Otherwise it is empty words that can come out of our mouths.

17. When there is a division between what we think and what we feel, then we know a certain evil has entered the equation.

18. We don’t always realise it but our unresolved emotions do have an impact on everyone around us because they can all be felt and detected as an energy which can feel forceful or imposing on others.

19. It’s a really great point that we usually ask people how they are feeling, not what they are thinking, and the embodied intelligence that comes with feeling. It reminded me of how we can approach exercise, either from our thinking of how we think exercise should be, usually pushing the body and ignoring and overriding how we are feeling, or connected to our body respecting how it feels and adjusting how we exercise accordingly.

20. How often do we just roll the words off our tongue “I’m fine thanks” when so often this is not the case? It has me realising how we sit in the politeness of conversation but how are we truly going to support one another when we are not willing to start with honesty.

21. It’s an interesting observation that it often feels easier to care for someone else than it does for one’s self.. could this be because it’s so ingrained to us from young that taking responsibility is about putting everyone else’s needs first, before our own? When actually, true responsibility is about feeling what is needed in any moment, and listening to that – not following a set of rules or pictures. As we learn to value what we’re feeling instead of relying purely on our minds and intelligence to get us through life, we learn that we always do know how to respond, and how to take care of ourselves, on a very deep level. We just have to re-learn to tune into and listen to that communication from our body, and act on it.

    1. It’s a great point Bryony about what life can look like when we follow what we think is right and good (taking care of others before ourselves for example), and how life is when we honour how we feel and respond to that.

22. When you care for yourself, it is like you put deposits in the bank. No matter how small the action is, it is still a deposit into the self-care bank. And the more you put in, the more you have available. And I mean available in the sense that you have a more solid foundation in which to live life from, you are less knocked about and as you say here Eunice, have more to offer to others.

23. It is like hitting the eject seat in a modern jet when we have held our feelings in and finally get the understanding that lets them go. As we need to understand the role they have played in capping one-of-the most important aspect of our self-caring relationship, which is when we re-connect to our essence. So our emotional-roller-coaster-ride is intrinsically tied to our lack of connection to our natural expression, Essence, Esoteric or inner-most, all one in the same and ‘who one is’. Then re-connection deepens our understanding so that we ‘know what true care is, it must be lived by oneself and then it becomes but a natural expression of who one is and an equality of care is then delivered to all.’

24. The amazing thing is – is that if someone asks with a genuine depth of care how we are it has a ripple effect, that then in turn inspires us to take that same care for ourselves – it would be amazing if true care was practiced in a health related environment.

25. ‘To provide true care for another we must first provide that care in equal measure to ourselves.’ This simple and clear statement should be the foundation of every job, even one of the basic teachings taught at every school. Then, we would grow, learn, live and inspire others to also live with true care, which would be so, the basis for true health.

26. A relevant point you make of how as doctors we can train and study and read and intellectualize things – but if we don’t connect to how we feel and the patient feels – then it is all just theory in practice and not a response to the individual needs of others.

27. So little importance is placed on the truth we know in our hearts. When we walk into work, we never ask our colleagues, so what are you thinking today? The day usually starts with, “Good morning, how are you today?”. When a big life-event happens, such as a wedding, a birth or a funeral, again the first question is: how are you? or what do you feel? It is never about thoughts, or how intelligent we can be in that situation because deep down we all know that there is no greater truth than the one expressed from the cells of the body.

28. We wouldn’t cut an organ out of our body and expect to live well, so why on earth do we think ignoring our inner sense is going to work? Our spirit disregards it because it exposes how selfish it is.

29. “I have found that the ability to truly care for myself is something that deepens the more I live it and that there is much more to it than I ever imagined.” So true Eunice the only way to understand true care is to live it and listen to the body for it will tell us what is true care and what is not. For me it has been a process of trying different things and finding out what works and what doesn’t and as I deepen my self-care things that I would have thought self-caring are now no longer seen as self-care but are a normal part of how I live.

30. When asking someone how they are feeling it is good practice to actually listen to what they have to say and to give them the opportunity to express in full. Too often I hear people ask on the phone at work ‘How are you today’ but barely wait for the response.

    1. We haven’t made life about relationships or people, and I suppose a big part of this is that we value what we think, not what we feel or how others feel. We have learnt to override and ignore how we feel and our sensitivity, so we then approach others that way too.

31. I remember starting to self-care for myself and spent a long time working out exactly what that was because at first I naively thought I had been doing a reasonable job of it, but it is through a far deeper connection to our body that allows us to care deeply for ourselves.

32. In a world where looking after ourselves first is considered to be selfish it is very liberating to finally know that this is not true in any way, as caring for ourselves first is actually the most loving choice we could ever make, and not just for us but for those around us. And it makes even more sense to do so because when we care for ourselves deeply it naturally follows that we then build a strong foundation from which to care for others. Life would definitely change for so many if this was one of the tools for life we were presented with as a child.

33. “….to know what true care is, it must be lived by oneself and then it becomes but a natural expression of who one is and an equality of care is then delivered to all.” Beautifully summed up Eunice. It is not until we embody something in full that we are able to naturally share that true expression of who we are.

34. “if we want to know the truth of what is going on in the body and in someone’s health, we ask about how he/she is feeling and respond accordingly…” When we ask ourselves or another how they are feeling, it offers an opportunity to connect with the body and speak from this connected place… For just this moment, the control of mind over matter is suspended…notice how sometimes it’s a struggle to answer the question of how we feel, because of how much we are distracted away from, or have become dismissive of our body and thus habitually choose this over feeling connected with ourselves.

35. We seem to give so little consideration to our relationship with our body and the intelligence that we innately have access to, yet it is the vehicle that allow us to precisely know who we are, how to nurture, love and care for ourselves so that we can live and express the fullness of our being with the vitality, health and lightness of being that we are here to live. It is through our connection to our body that the aliveness and multidimensionality of our being can be freely lived and expressed as is intended.

36. So true – we often reply with “fine” to mean “I am coping with what I am going through, just leave me alone”. I too used to think that sharing what I am truly feeling would make me vulnerable (reads weak) and if I had to express any emotion, anger was my choice.

37. “To provide true care for another we must first provide that care in equal measure to ourselves.” So true. I was never taught this in any of my trainings as a nurse, homeopath or any of the other various alternative healing modalities I qualified in – until I came to Universal Medicine. It makes absolute sense. What use is an exhausted nurse or doctor – yet we expect them to work 12 hour (or longer) shifts, sometimes with very few breaks. It is illegal to allow a lorry driver those hours without proper breaks…….

38. Self-care is a term that can be thrown around but not actually used or taken seriously. Once we start to truly self-care we realise that there are many layers to it and we can keep refining and refining. There is never an end point. Listening to and honouring our body is a constant thing.

    1. When we develop a truly honoring relationship with our body it is then we are guided to know all that there is for us to live and magnify in this plane of life. I agree Rebecca, to which ‘There is never an end point.’

39. “I know I always have the power to choose that which is truly caring or not.” It’s becoming more and more apparent to me these days that my body comes under massive stress when I ignore how I am feeling. It’s getting to the point where I know that I can (and it is greatly more supportive) to honour and explore what I am feeling to understand a situation, be it external or internal.

40. We think we know what we feel – but this is just another trick of the head just to be in control. Feeling is a bodily knowing with no logic attached except that it flows from true common sense – our every cell. Thank you Eunice for the reminder not to stay trapped in my head.

41. What you are sharing Eunice exposes how we have been sucked in to the mechanics of caring, the tasks involved in ‘caring’ for someone. This is definitely part of caring but the way we care for others is capped by how we care for ourselves. Its the details that are missing in the mechanics. The details in the way that one approaches their own care can not but come out very naturally when caring or supporting another. Therefore it is not something that is confined to those who are health professionals, because it is inherent within us all. We have just stopped deepening this with ourselves.

42. I love that you go around on the ward and ask how people are feeling, and I know that all doctors do this because it gives an indication of the person’s healing/recovery process, but there is something in the way that you do it which is unique because when you ask ‘how are you feeling’ there comes with it an understanding that the question is posed to the intelligent body, which is beautiful in many ways, but most particularly because with your question, you are giving each person the opportunity to express from the intelligence of their body.

43. When I ask ‘how are you feeling’ I often get a reply that lists people’s emotions and the feeling of powerlessness that comes with those emotions. Feelings leave people empowered.

    1. Great point shared here. When we express what we are feeling with honesty it often gives others the permission to feel this level of openness within themselves.

44. I’ve noticed that in hospitals there is a measure of 1-10 on pain. That is one level of feeling, but it opens us up far more when asked how are you feeling and the person asking the questions is truly interested in your response, not expecting the bland, ‘Fine’

45. We glorify people being selfless and going over and beyond their job description, often at the expense of themselves but what care are they truly bringing at that moment if they are not looking after themselves first? I work in the care sector and often see my colleagues tired and exhausted to the point they go through their shift on autopilot, just pushing to get through – I know because I have done it myself. Knowing that I am exhausted but say yes to one or two more clients to help out when someone has gone sick, usually with the result of forfeiting my breaks during the day. My day then not only gets longer but there is no proper rest to be had either – at this point, I question the level of care my clients are receiving.

    1. One of the benefits of exhaustion is numbness. It also gives out a strong message “don’t ask for more”. This may be a more attractive state for people than feeling what is going on around them (and in them) and having constant demands put on them.

46. When we start to understand energy we will begin to realise how much we all affect each other and start to see that anger or frustration can be more harming than we are at first willing to accept. I know for myself, my whole being changes and while I may think it is subtle and no one will notice it is felt by others. We need to be able to express our true feelings openly, and the best way to do this is to listen to our body and not our mind.

47. The more I look around and observe life the more I see the extent to which this world has been made about overriding and ignoring our feelings instead of expressing them. It is like we just put up with life thinking it cannot be changed and even if it is changed the intensity of it still seems to remain. It feels like the more we override our feelings the more we make life about what a person does instead of who they truly are. We all lose out when we make life like this. In this way it would seem that there is a massive smoke screen going on because if you ask everyone how they truly feel in their body, most would say they are feeling levels of tension, anxiety, stress and exhaustion. Why have we not got together and asked why life can’t be the true joy it ought to be?

48. You make a great point here Eunice, before we can truly care for another we have to be caring with ourselves first, living in this way opens up the opportunity for a deeper and more true connection with others.

    1. And makes us much more capable of handling what comes our way.

49. We all have amazing bodies, designed with state of the art senses, and yet we seem to spend most of our time predominantly in our head. It’s like owning a palatial mansion and staying in the cupboard every day. We’re missing out on a grand beauty for the safety and comfort of living in a confined box. Thank you Eunice for this powerful blog.

    1. What a great analogy. We really do restrict and limit ourselves unmercifully when we stay in our heads and live a mental existence. When we allow ourselves to feel there is an expansion that takes place within and when we share those feelings even more space is created.

50. ” When I do a ward round in the morning, I ask patients “How are you feeling?” not “What are you thinking?” if I want to know what is going on for them and their wellbeing. ”
    I had a laugh at this; it would be a funny question to ask a patient. Yes it’s only from feeling that truth will be delivered, this goes for the patient and physician.

51. In truly asking the question we offer others the opportunity to connect to how their body feels perhaps for the first time in a very long time – the power of this cannot be underestimated.

52. Thank you Eunice for emphasising that to know true care is it must be something that is a lived experience and only in this way can we truly care for others. The beauty of this is that it is constantly evolving and as our self-care deepens everyone feels the reflection of that.

53. Initially, when we first ask ourselves how we are feeling, or another asks us, it can be hard to understand what our body is showing us. It’s like it’s speaking a language we used to know but have forgotten parts of it. But very quickly, if we are genuinely willing to understand and be honest with ourselves, we are able to understand it’s language and realise we were fluent in it all along.

    1. In truth we and our bodies are one, it’s just that we have learnt to become accustomed to being in separation from our bodies, operating like a motorbike with a passenger in a side car, rather than a motorbike with the passenger sat right up against the driver, belly to back.

54. I love what you share here about your ward rounds Eunice. Yes, it is how we feel that is the primary marker of our wellbeing, not our thinking.

55. True care for ourselves develops us into people that can truly care for another, and also to be a role model that demonstrates they can truly care for themselves too.

56. I love this line Eunice: “to know what true care is, it must be lived by oneself and then it becomes but a natural expression of who one is and an equality of care is then delivered to all”. We can fake it, but everyone can feel fake care a mile away, it’s when we live everyday with ourselves then our care for other people becomes naturally part of how we walk, talk and express.

57. Feelings are so important to share with others as it is also a way that others can get to know the true person we are. Caring is definitely not a one way street for how can we care for another without first caring for ourselves.

58. ‘ I thought it was good to be the ‘strong silent’ type who didn’t disclose feelings or personal matters.’ I can relate to that sentence, however now I realise how isolating that is, keeping people out, and not letting anyone in. The more we honestly share about how we are feeling, the easier it is for others to open up and share too.

    1. The permission is given in an unspoken way that may not bring a response straight away but a knowing that there is always an offering.

    2. Absolutely – one person being open, transparent and honest makes it easier for another person to do the same and so on and so on – it’s the ultimate domino effect.

59. Over time while growing up we forget we can read our feelings or that we even have any. Reconnecting to this ability to read our own feelings can support others to do the same.

60. Yes it is easy to think that we are just ‘an angry person’ and that the world has to deal with that, but we have always a choice to change how we are feeling by feeling what is going on for us. The whole notion that we can have characters and that some people are naturally angry just is so stopping us from healing these emotions. And thinking about it is ridiculous to think a baby would be born angry.

61. Knowing that there is difference between feelings and emotions was a huge learning for me as I used to think they were one and the same.

62. I agree, Eunice. And I have noticed how we often shy away from answering to ‘How are you feeling?’ with the depth and care this question probably deserves. This can be an awkward or even confronting invitation for us to feel what is going on for us, but when we start asking this ourselves, this opens the space for us to deepen how we care for ourselves.

63. “to know what true care is, it must be lived by oneself and then it becomes but a natural expression of who one is and an equality of care is then delivered to all.” I deeply appreciate this from having lived it. I thought I was very caring, others would have said the same, the mechanics of what I did were to the level I lived. Yet as I have deepened my relationship with myself, so indeed have I deepened the relationship with others and the mechanics of what I do has followed.

64. It’s so true; anytime I visit a doctor they ask me how I am feeling and not what I am thinking. It is the same with friends. Surely then this ought to be a clue as to its importance in building connection and relationship.

65. I recently had an experience where I got to fully feel the exact point of disconnection from myself when I was asked by another, how was work going, and felt how a very old pattern of recall came into play. At that very moment of pause, I felt the energy take me straight into my head and I was floundering, trying to match what had just been shared by the other person. This caused me to have to look away from them and search for something interesting to say from my head. I then clumsily fumbled through some sort of explanation. I wasn’t able to be totally honest in that moment, but didn’t go into any critique. Later I was able to reflect and feel exactly what that moment was asking of me, and that was to just be me/love.

66. “know what true care is, it must be lived by oneself and then it becomes but a natural expression of who one is and an equality of care is then delivered to all.” Absolutely true, we have to live it ourselves and be a true reflection for others.

67. ‘So little importance is really given to understanding the feeling realm within medicine.’ This is so true, Eunice. Medicine seems to be based on returning the body to full function and have not generally considered the emotions of patients, but it seems that with ‘mental ill health’ being spotlighted doctors are beginning to ask the questions.

68. I agree it is important to differentiate between what we feel and what we think. I remember once being on a walk and the words “feel what you feel and not what you think you should feel” came to me. Allowing that has been very evolutionary for me!

69. What you write is so true, clear and natural it is a miracle that we don’t all live it. We seem to be geniuses in creating complication and disharmony.

70. I had a guy start working for me and at times throughout the day I would ask him how he was feeling, and he would look at me a little strange and say he was Ok. But then he asked me why I was asking him how he was feeling as if it was a strange thing to ask, and I said well you know if you feel tired take a break, if your hungry eat. I thought at the time isn’t it strange that asking someone how they feel could seem strange when it should be the most natural thing of all.

71. Self care should be a normal part of our day but because we are constantly pushing ourselves to do/be more, this switches us off to our bodies through the nervous tension this causes. It is so powerful when we can pull ourselves up and nominate what we have chosen in that moment, and even more powerful and confirming to describe and appreciate in full what that loving choice actually means in detail.

72. Honoring our feelings is so important. They are so easily dismissed, but they carry the truth.

    1. So true Rebecca, I never used to honour my feelings, I was always caught up in the doing for others. But now I put myself first, as I am now aware my living reflection is the key.

73. When this question is asked, we can often hear how the head will move into first place to give the answer to another, yet the body speaks the truth time and time again. When we are willing to be honest, and share where we are at, the imperfections are received with an openness and others are met with the truth.

    1. The body speaks a continuum of truth, not one syllable is ever uttered by the body that is not the absolute truth. Therefore if we want to know how we or anybody else is then we just have to ask the body but we need to be careful that we don’t reinterpret the answer because then we bastardise the truth.

74. Spoken by one who has not only undergone this education and training to general surgeon, but who has in addition developed her own willingness to feel, self-care, self -nurture and self-love. A combination that provides humanity with a sensitive, consistently ‘solid’ practitioner who knows how to work without the need for for the ‘full-on/full-off’ pendulum that is clearly exhausting our doctors, surgeons, nurses and health practitioners…”Yet so little importance is really given to understanding the feeling realm within medicine. Medical training itself is a good way to learn how to ignore and over-ride one’s feelings; we often end up using food, alcohol or excess work to numb ourselves and not feel what is really going on. The onslaught of medical training, the hours of work, the vast amounts of material to be learned, having to deal with exposure to high levels of suffering and trauma of various kinds, results in people hardening to be able to cope. Yet it is a false coping mechanism that leads to over-worked, cynical, burnt-out doctors who have difficulty caring for themselves, never mind their patients.”

75. It’s true Eunice, our ability to self-care is an ever-evolving activity, fostered only by the choice to do so regularly. The more we do, the more we can see and feel what else or what is next to put in place. It is a process of refining constantly, by virtue of the fact that we are constantly changing and evolving beings. Just as you can now say that you were not actually that angry person, but someone who expressed with a lot of anger, to do so now, would be very detrimental to you. Once you didn’t experience it that way, but as just part of who you were. Today, for example, the slightest irritation with another would be enough to register as a disturbance and harming to your body (and therefore to others around you). If your level of self-care does not take that level of refinement into account, then the result would be no different to the impact of anger many years ago.

    1. yes the refinement is so valuable to appreciate as part and parcel of the toolbox. There is no end to this refinement, it is not a linear experience. To register the disturbance is medicine, to register it earlier and earlier is the refinement of a conversation your body is having with you anyway, it is just waiting for you to remember how to feel and respond to it.

       1. Yes Lucy, the body is endlessly patient because it is the recipient of all our choices, including the one to listen and deal with what we feel. When we don’t, the choice is effectively to bury… and there is endless capacity for that until such time as we choose to begin retracing our steps and start healing.

76. I love how you made the distinction that you don’t ask your patients how are they thinking but rather how are they feeling. It has made me realise that we are so governed and used to our thoughts running the show at the expense of our body and wellbeing, that we all too often forget to stop and even ask ourselves let alone others how we are truly feeling. Great blog Eunice.

77. We don’t want to feel as when we choose to feel we would feel all the responsibility of the body we have but have chosen to not live and so if we truly feel we would have to start being honest.

78. Sometimes when I ask people around me how they feel when they are sick, they would only respond “sick”. Feeling our body is a very unfamiliar for many, and thus why when we go through our life feeling, this would appear as strange, but really it is simply a natural way that has been ignored and disregarded when thinking and being logical have taken importance in our lives.

79. How to truly care for one’s self should be apart of the study requirements when you are training to be a doctor, then you are able to instruct your patients to do the same, from a lived experience, rather than a knowledge.

    1. This is certainly needed for medical professionals. We could also add the study of self-care to all courses as a fundamental principle for working with people.

80. In a world where many industries are based on care for another, I love that you have exposed that to provide true care for somebody we must first provide that care in equal measure to ourselves… to live it as an natural expression of who we are and then the expression outwardly reflects a truth and not an ideal.

81. We need to have more conversations like these, encouraging us to use our clairsentience –
    which is simply our ability to feel energy (http://www.unimedliving.com/unimedpedia/word-index/unimedpedia-clairsentience.html) – and to share what we feel more than what we think.

82. Asking patients “How are you feeling?” not “What are you thinking?”… this really made me smile … Imagine if that was what happened…. It would be ridiculous…. Wouldn’t it?

83. When I read this line – “to provide true care for another we must first provide that care in equal measure to ourselves.” – it feels like a no-brainer, so obvious. But it is rarely lived in this world and quite often, the opposite is championed. I read recently that true love is about putting the partners needs before your own. And for me that is not true love. True love or care, is about you first and foremost, developing a love and care for yourself, and knowing what that is, and that it is always deepening. And from that, you then can love and care for another because it comes from your livingness, not your emptiness.

84. If we want to find the truth in life, surely we will explore every avenue and possibility and see the effect. Surely there is nothing we will leave untried? So isn’t it interesting that so many of us have not tried living from our feelings instead of our head? To me this is a great indicator that our life is not quite as simple or straight as we might think, that there is in fact a part of us that is actively invested in living a lie. It’s confronting, but boy oh boy as you show Eunice what beauty is on offer if we just admit there is more to the way it is.

85. “to know what true care is, it must be lived by oneself and then it becomes but a natural expression of who one is and an equality of care is then delivered to all.” Well said Eunice. I have been feeling this that it is easier to care for another than for myself but noticed on the long run I would always explode at some point in frustration or resentment of not giving myself equal care. This show how it is important to see what the results of a choice are long term and not just in the moment.

86. When someone asks us, how are you, it’s like an instant automatic response to say, good, which is coming from the mind. When someone asks us how are you feeling, we are more likely to feel how the body is travelling and give a truer response.

    1. Great point Julie, just that little extra with the word “feeling” allows the other person to connect deeper and share from place of truth.

87. “To provide true care for another we must first provide that care in equal measure to ourselves.” So true but where are we taught this? It makes sense that if we are not looking after ourselves and not living in a caring nurturing way, and are exhausted stressed and working long hour as many doctors do that the way we care for another will be flawed.

88. ‘How are you feeling?’ such a simple question but how many of us really share how we are truly feeling. How many of us are connecting to this deeper connection within and with our bodies?

89. The understanding that the body has of what is true care is yet to be tapped by the “health and wellbeing” movement. There is an innate intelligence that responds to self-care as surely as the tide flows in and out.

90. It’s right there in front of us and was there the whole time, how could I not have seen it before? “I ask patients “How are you feeling?” not “What are you thinking?” if I want to know what is going on for them and their wellbeing. We all do this, I have never had anyone come up to me and ask ‘how are you thinking’ and yet nearly everyone uses as their language ‘how are you feeling’ it’s common place. So it would place an importance or a key part to be on how we feel, after all we nearly always ask it of each other. To me this gives us the ‘where to look’ if we are ever sensing something isn’t going well, always feeling.

91. It’s an absolute travesty that our new doctors are subjected to such gruelling conditions once they begin their careers on the hospital floor – a punishing tone set by the university study regime. It’s also extremely perverse given doctoring is about health care, and surely sends a message that self-care is not something anyone should take particularly seriously. Doctor burn-out serves no one.

92. Feeling v thinking: yes, feeling is, by and large, a very poor cousin to the glamour of the intellect and as you say Eunice, many erroneously associate feeling with emotion, if not emotional excess. But feeling is highly intelligent – it’s the capacity to finely discern what is going on within and around us, to the point where, if we develop our ability to feel, we can read all of life and even know what is coming towards us. Now that to me seems highly intelligent.

93. In my experience, when I live in and with my physical body I feel a deep love for others, as a simple flow of warm loving energy. If I choose instead my old patterns, I find myself having to tell myself to be tender and caring, this I do, but the naturalness and flow is missing.

94. This is a very basic truth but one that needs to be stated again and again. We can only truly care for others when we truly care for ourselves. Energetically this is the way it is.

    1. Yes it is our great truth, but one to be reminded of all the time so it becomes the norm in everyone’s life. It is truly caring for ourselves is the true reflection.

95. Thank you Eunice, this reminded me how often we get absorbed with other things in life, and don’t actually stop to truly feel how our body is feeling, and how important it is to actually take notice of what is being offered to us from listening to our body.

96. This consciousness is still very much running in our world which has us believing that, a person who feels or expresses what they feel is weak, emotional, and therefore less capable. Yet as you have pointed out we are already naturally living in connection, to a small degree, to what we are feeling. For example, if we feel cold we put a jumper on, and in medicine we are asked what is going on in our bodies in which the doctor responds with a diagnosis or treatment. So, it is interesting that this is a far as we go with it. We have lost sight of our ability to live in connection to and in honor of a far greater intelligence that is innate in us all, by instead succumbing to the false belief that our minds know best. But if we are to look at the evidence it seems obvious that the activity of the mind, we have been calling championing as intelligence to date, is far from guiding to live with harmony, well-being and vitality that our bodies naturally know how to live.

97. To provide true care for another we must first provide that care in equal measure to ourselves. This makes absolute sense, but several years ago I did not have that understanding or level of focus on myself at all. Now I absolutely love my body and what it is constantly reflecting to me, that it is so worth choosing to self care and nurture myself.

98. It would be great that all studying doctors get a training in what it means to take care for yourself and from there how to be with others as a part of their examination.

    1. What would be even better would be for every single person to be educated in self-care, regardless of their profession.

99. Brilliant and at the same time a no-brainer: ‘to know what true care is, it must be lived by oneself and then it becomes but a natural expression of who one is and an equality of care is then delivered to all.’ How on earth did we end up missing that?

    1. Katerina absolutely it has to be lived by oneself, only then the truth is felt by others, through our movements.

100. It is interesting how often we may ask others how they are feeling but do not accord the same care for ourselves, dismissing and neglecting our own self care.

101. Feelings cannot be discounted. Even in the medical world, one of the primary tools for analysis relies on asking a patient how they feel. Perhaps, you say, that is because it is impractical to employ other analytical tools to every patient. I would venture otherwise, that we have learnt over time that analytical tools on their own are actually quite limiting, because of the infinitely variable nature of the human being, and that there is something about feeling that enables us to circumvent the slow and steady road of logic, which in itself is a path easily hindered by the multiple variablles it has to contend with.

102. I have also discovered that the more I care for myself the more I truly care for others and it comes less from a need to feel useful and more from a commitment to being open to others. I’ve always been a carer of others first and me last or never…and now that I’ve turned that around, I can feel the difference. My caring is no longer an imposition of sorts (read: s-mothering), it’s a genuine offering of support.

103. I’m not a doctor but I can very much relate to what you share, how I feel and what I think are two often very polar opposite things – for me it is learning to listen to my feeling and trust these again – as I have been one to override these and try to work things out from my head, which just complicates things, feelings are very simple and clear and don’t come with all the extra questions, arms and legs.

104. I am understanding more and more that the only way I can deliver a quality to others is if I have already built it into my own life. We can not be truly caring of others if we are not taking at least that same level of care of ourselves.

105. Quite often we are asked by doctors ‘How are you feeling’ and yet we automatically, unless we are in severe pain, often go by what our head says, and to dismiss the messages of the body. Often we say things like ‘Not too bad’ or ‘Can’t grumble’, but what if we were to give a reading to the best of our ability at that time, on everything that the body is messaging us. Things such as aches and pains, anxiousness, any tension held and where – would it be fair to say that these types of reporting back would give the doctors more to go on, and also give the patient the opportunity to nominate what’s really going on for them.
     It seems that the doctor patient relationship has a huge potential to deepen, and that we are short changing ourselves on both sides of the relationship.

106. I love that Eunice, I ask my patients how they feel not what they are thinking. It almost seems comical when you put it like that, if we want to know how the body is we ask the body and the body’s language is feeling not thinking. I love it when simplicity sheds light on what can become complex, when we ask the mind!

     1. I agree Doug. If something is complicated then it’s not true. It’s as simple as that really.

107. “I have discovered that the more I truly care for myself, the more I am able to care, both for others and myself.” So true. And why do so many of us wait until we are in a hospital bed to respond with a truthful answer when asked ‘How are you feeling?’

108. We cannot hide how we live – our body keeps very accurate records and those records are presented in the way we move.

     1. The records kept by our bodies are meticulous, there is absolutely nothing that is either left off or forgotten.

109. My idea of caring for myself has changed over the years. You mention exercise Eunice and I too used to think that any exercise was good exercise, but that has changed. I used to push my body really hard and was into yoga where I would contort myself into many uncomfortable and what I would now consider harmful postures. Now my idea of exercise is about doing what feels right for my body at a manageable pace that causes no undue stress on my joints and muscles.

110. Asking someone how they are feeing or even how they are when said with a genuine wanting to know can be a powerful thing. “How are you?” is something that falls out of the mouth so easily but when said with wanting to know the answer it can stop people in their tracks. I have found that sometimes people find it a bit confronting as we are so used to not letting people know how we are and replying with “Good, thanks” no matter how we actually are.

111. I am still mastering the old trick of spiralling out of my body and into my head to avoid feeling what is truly going on in my body. Before attending presentations by Serge Benhayon, I was able to slam the lid over any feeling that may be arising, so fast, that there was no awareness of having even done so, only a sense of numbness pervading through my body and my head being the living part of me. The feeling of solidness and stability within is more my natural way of being and it is a joy to catch this spiralling out feeling and nip it in the bud.

112. I can very much resonate with saying ‘Everything was always ‘fine’ no matter what was really going on.’ I was always managing my life, now I am more open and honest with myself and others and if I am asked ‘how are you feeling?’ I simply say how I am, so much simpler than saying what you think others want to hear.

113. I also have experienced this, asking people how they feel and getting a very heady intellectual response back. With the person not even really having awareness that that is how they responded. As you call out here Eunice, there is a lot that we hold around intelligence, but as you say in truth, that intelligence comes from our bodies, how we feel.

114. If it’s unusual to ask ‘how do you feel’ in a hospital, with people who are seriously ill, how common is it to ask ourselves the same question in everyday life? Why do we wait till we get diagnosed with a tumour or ulcer to reflect and admit ‘oh you know I did feel down at that time’? And isn’t it possible that we settle for feeling as an emotional state, or throwaway cliche instead of what is going on in every cell? For the way we feel energy is detailed in a way that goes beyond belief. Right here, right now as you show Eunice, we are feeling everything. It’s this power and strength we should champion and resuscitate to restore our genuine good health.

115. The mind has been championed for millenia, and look at where that has got us! Technological innovation yes, but how we live, our health, our ability to live in harmony… zero improvement. The missing link is our more intangible sensitivity – not so much coming up with new whizz bang ways of doing things, but the feeling of what is the right thing to do, or the right way to use a new toy.

116. Having spent a lifetime (in fact many lifetimes) hiding my feelings from myself as well as others it has been an education to reconnect to them and start to listen to my body and the communication that is so freely available once we are open to it. I am shocked at how often I can still choose to override what my body is telling me but am learning that I always have a choice to not go into judgement but just clock it and change my movements. Learning to care for myself has transformed my ability to offer true care to others and to be open to what is needed without any agenda.

117. Great point you make about asking “how are you feeling?” on your round and not “what are you thinking?” – that pretty much says it all. The other big thing I have learnt is to distinguish between feelings and emotions which are completely different. Emotions tend to be reactions to feelings and they are actually quite harmful other than to indicate that we have a hurt to deal with as we have not accepted what we knew and felt.

118. It seems to be almost impossible for us to stop and consider that the way we have been carrying on is causing us great difficulty. Surely if we want true health vitality and physical wealth, this would be our first logical point of call? The fact that it is not, ought to raise alarm bells. For it truly is the definition of madness to continue to repeat what has come before and expect different results. Thank you Eunice, for opening up the discussion here with true intelligence to the fore instead of fear.

119. It is true, what we feel is to be trusted most. The mind can create things that are not there. Our bodies show us what truly is there.

120. In my experience there can be quite a complex interplay when a doctor asks “how are you feeling”. It can be an open question or the doctor may be looking for something very specific which can then make communication quite difficult. I wonder if at times important details may go missing in this interaction?

121. Feelings come from our body. When I feel joy my body is telling me it is feeling harmonious, and whenever I feel emotional, my body is feeling tension, it may be tired, cold, under nourished and generally not nurtured or cared for sufficiently.

122. When we talk about feeling so often what we really mean is an emotion we have about something we think we have seen. Whilst there may be a level of honesty there, the fact is underneath the sensations that masquerade as feelings is an underlying vibration, a sensory experience of life. When we are ready to read life on this level we get to see its science and flow in a whole different way. Thanks you Eunice for reminding us about particular beauty of our connection to every particle.

123. Absolutely, we can only provide true care for another, if we are first giving this care to ourselves, this means listening to and honouring our feelings and many messages provided lovingly by our bodies.

124. What I find interesting is that because the feeling realm is not studied the same way as the thinking realm, it means that it is much more easily dismissed. So if something does not fit a symptom picture it’s considered as an anomaly or ‘in the mind’. Whereas if we we really encouraged to share how our body was feeling it might open up a whole to realm of understanding both for health professionals but also patients.

125. The burden of ever increasing illness and disease on the health care system will only change when we all decide to take full responsibility for our own health and wellbeing. The intelligence of the body is available to us all equally to connect with and support us to feel what is loving and nurturing in the care of our own health.

126. It’s true – the heart feels long before the brain thinks but because we have spent lifetimes reacting to what we feel (being emotional) we have sought solace in the confines of an ‘intelligence’ that is not so intelligent because it has locked itself out of where the true intelligence is found and that is in every particle of our body.

     1. Well said Liane. That ‘intelligence’, rather than being a solace or place of escape, becomes like a cage, and the body is trapped, dominated and abused.

127. Great article – enough with the thinking and more with the feeling!
     I’m finding the more I look after my body, listen to it and move in a way that is present, the more my thoughts are changing to reflect the love I have in my body. It’s interesting, we think the mind is the ruler and that the body is the servant, but I’m finding that it’s the other way around!

     1. No one has ever been able to think their way back to God, the only way back is through feeling.

128. It makes obvious sense that doctors should be trained to feel and be aware of what triggers them to understand what their body is responding or reacting to ie. to take care of what is going on for them. That awareness can favour providing patients with learned skills and knowledge to support patients. As Eunice explains “To provide true care for another we must first provide that care in equal measure to ourselves.”

129. ‘To provide true care for another we must first provide that care in equal measure to ourselves.’ love how you have expressed this Eunice – I can really feel the power in this statement and by the way I now choose to live I know I cannot care for another if I don’t care for myself first. For them we are also a reflection to others and that can bring on a huge amount of change.

130. You make it very clear and simple to understand Eunice. The world has got it around the wrong way to elevate intelligence and control coming from the mind to be of upmost importance when the mind does not feel, the body does. So when we say ‘fine’ from our heads, it is simply not connected to truth.

131. Asking a patient how they are feeling is the only way they can express to the doctor what’s going on, same in our lives, it’s our way of communicating how we are. Yet we prize intelligence over the basic tool we all equally have access to, it’s like ignoring a universal language.

132. “ I know I always have the power to choose that which is truly caring or not.” Very humbling to accept that when we are not truly caring for ourselves we have deliberately chosen to not care.

133. The difference it would make if we all felt from our bodies first before answering the question ‘how are we feeling’, would be enormous. rather than the stock standard answer of ‘fine’, ‘good’, ‘not bad’, tells us nothing, more so because we all know how often we respond in this way out of courtesy, not because it’s how we truly feel. We love to avoid having to feel firstly what’s going on for us for fear or boring or burdening the other person because we have gotten into such a bad habit of not being honest…so one word answers are what is accepted as normal.

134. Oh Eunice, that last line is absolutely bang on! I could not agree with you more. The responsibility in looking after oneself first is the only way we can be truly responsible in how we look after another,

     1. Yes, it seems quite obvious that one may only be able to support others with the quality that we support ourselves with. We are able to do more for others than ourselves but is that also true for the quality of our actions?

135. Once again we see that we need to look after and nurture ourselves first! The fact that we have to have this repeated and demonstrated time and time again proves the point that this is so. The results of this connection to our bodies is amazing to say the least ! Thank you Eunice for showing us the way.

136. ‘When I do a ward round in the morning, I ask patients “How are you feeling?” not “What are you thinking?” if I want to know what is going on for them and their wellbeing.’ Wow, this illustrates so well how we have come to listen to tour mind and thoughts far too much in day to day life instead of that which is truly going to lead us to make choices to support our own wellbeing.

137. It is true we not only need to care for ourselves but learn what that really means and there is no better teacher than our own body – so strange we listen to every-body else!

138. To provide true care for another we must first provide that care in equal measure to ourselves.
     I present to a lot of carers’ groups and health care practitioners…. And this is the concept that presents the most difficulty usually … the idea of taking just 10 minutes for oneself every morning meets with a lot of resistance, and yet it is a basic truth.

139. There are so many elements of this blog that I love, most of all I love that it has been written by a doctor. Hopefully that inspires other doctors to follow suit. Intelligence can make us justify overriding our feelings of tired, hungry, a full bladder, but as you say “True intelligence is embodied and feelings are the conveyors of that intelligence.”

140. “To provide true care for another we must first provide that care in equal measure to ourselves.”

     This is such a simple truth yet sadly remains revelation yet to be realised by the vast majority of us. If we were all to live our life by this decree, we would not have the pain, suffering and war so prevalent in the world today.

141. “True intelligence is embodied and feelings are the conveyors of that intelligence.” How refreshing to acknowledge that their is more to us than our rated intelligence, that feelings convey as you say Eunice, our true intelligence which has so much depth and breadth, we are able to feel and convey more than our limited mind, as feelings come from our inner knowing, the Wisdom we all have within.

142. We tend to champion those working in the medical profession. I know I’ve heard sayings such as ‘working in the medical profession is a good job’, ‘it’s a big responsibility’, ‘they do well to not take on what is going on around them’, ‘it’s a demanding job’ etc and while this is all true, do we question what is going on in their bodies? Are the surgeons, doctors, nurses, consultants etc really coping when as Eunice says they often end up numbing themselves with alcohol, food and work? There is much to ponder on here which we totally ignore.

143. I agree that we have many ideas around self-care that are merely functional and sometimes not caring at all as in your example of any exercise is good exercise. To be truly self caring is to reconnect first and honour what we feel will more deeply nurture the body.

144. Great point Eunice… “To provide true care for another we must first provide that care in equal measure to ourselves.” The key in understanding what true care actually entails IS in providing that care for ourselves first. Then we know what it is we are offering another, not by virtue of the act of caring, but by the quality in which we go about that care. This quality has two fundamental elements, one of tenderness and the other is love. Without these, no true care is possible.

145. It always seems odd to me that we have spent so much effort and resources developing all manner of measuring a person’s health and well-being, yet we we have given such little attention on deepening people’s connection with and ability to express what they feel from within their own bodies – in fact we have made it an art to dismiss our inner awareness and often celebrate overriding the signals of our body. This to me is a long way from true health and well-being, we would never ignore our car dashboard warning lights in this manner.

146. You ask the question “how are you feeling” rather than “how are you thinking”. But so often when I am asked this question (which in truth is the most glorious invitation to me to be honest about where I am actually at) I will go into my head, not my body before responding. It’s crazy. It’s not what the question was asking. Now, a part of this is the problem that the question itself has been so bastardised in that 99% of the time that it is asked, the actual truth is not what is being sought – it is merely a place-holder in a conversation – a form of politeness (who would have thought that simple politeness could actually be so restrictive of evolution?) That aside, my responsibility when this offering is made to me is to accept the invitation and really consider what is going on. Now that doesn’t mean that I then have to go into a huge speech about how my body is. But consider this – how many times do we get asked during the day “how are you?” “how you doing?” “are you OK?” “how you feeling?” etc. What if we actually used each of those moments as mini-markers to properly and deeply check in with ourselves. Then, suddenly these questions change from being facile throw-aways, to deeply supportive moments of evolution. And even if that weren’t the intention of the person that asked, who cares?! Grab it.

147. There is a stark contrast between what we are truly feeling and emotions. Often these two get confused.

148. It is great to hear from a doctor about the importance of feeling in monitoring health and wellbeing. Indeed feeling is the intelligence of our bodies. It is what we can all connect with, regardless of our education, to know how we are and how simple lifestyle adjustments can affect us. It is surely in these simple lifestyle adjustments that the whole burden of responsibility on the health care system will begin to change and better health for all can eventually be enjoyed.

     1. I agree, it is refreshing to hear from a doctor/surgeon speak about the importance of feeling on our wellbeing. What a difference it makes when a doctor asks the patient how they are feeling to find out what is going on and not only rely on notes in front of them or medical procedures that have taken place.

149. And what comes to mind for me is also how important it is to walk one’s talk. Do we actually take on board what another says when they advise you to do something that they do not do themselves? Like a GP who smokes telling their patients to stop smoking. Or a parent who says ‘Do as I say not do as I do’?
     As adults, we hold a responsibility to live a certain way and make certain choices, and it is time we understand that these choices and their consequences are more far reaching than we realise. Thank you for this great reminder Eunice!

150. Eunice, this is a blog for all of us to feel and understand, if we do not care for ourselves, then how can we care for others – indeed. And we do know this, as we ask people how they feel when they’re ill, and we are very aware that the body will know and say in those moments, but we have a habit of going back to ignoring the body once it recovers, so thank God for illiness and disease as in many cases it’s the only way we often will stop to consider what is truly going on with us.

151. I was intrigued by what you said about what you ask the patients when you are doing your rounds; “how are you feeling?”. Clearly a question that enquires how their bodies are communicating with them. BUT, I would suggest that some of their responses would be coming from their minds, ignoring what their body is saying. And this is even in the environment of a hospital when the focus is, naturally, very much on the bodies and their well-being (or not). I would suggest that once you left the hospital and went out into the world, the percentage of responses to your question that came from the mind rather than the body would raise even higher. We are all ignoring our greatest intelligence and our greatest marker. Yes we still use the phrase “how are you feeling”, but do any of us really connect to what is being asked here?

     1. Most of us are disconnected in the first place and so when asked ‘how are you?’ our answers will naturally come from a place of disconnection.

152. The message that we should put the needs of others before our own needs has been prevalent in my life. Much of the time it has been unspoken but clear from the way others around me were living that this was expected. It just doesn’t make sense any more to neglect my own needs for the needs of others. If I continue to neglect myself I will eventually create the need to be cared for myself and simply feed the cycle of neediness. If we take care of ourselves, this is less likely to happen and the quality of our interactions, and our unspoken reflection will support others to make a different choice. To me this is how real change occurs.

153. Quite an indictment on the way we train our doctors when it can be said that despite all their years of intense studying they become ‘burnt out’ and ‘have difficulty caring for themselves.’ Surely taking care of yourself ought to be lesson number one for anyone studying medicine. Actually, it ought to be lesson number one when we start school too, and then we would already be prepared and full of vitality for what work we choose to do.

154. As a ‘strong, silent type’ myself, it has been an absolute revelation to understand the true role of our feelings and the way they ‘convey the intelligence of the body’. Our feelings are revelations in themselves, revealing how we living, how open or closed down we are, how vital we are – or otherwise, how much we choose to be present in life, or to numb ourselves to the truth of it all. There is so much to be learned from what we feel and opening up to this has been a doorway to a new way of living for me.

155. There is such a simple yet deeply profound message in this blog. It cannot be stated often enough in my view that to truly care for another starts with true care for ourselves. Care that comes from within us, from a connection to a deeper level of self-love, that we carry forth into everything we do, into all our interactions with others, allowing us to have real connections with them. This is great wisdom that could change the course of health care and of social care in our world and where it is already applied, does just that.

156. Asking how someone is feeling and responding from that, how honouring is that of another, yet so often as you say that is bypassed in favour of gathering clinical information and finding solutions. Applying this to ourselves too in the form of self caring questions and practices naturally supports us to be authentic in our enquiry and subsequent care of others in a manner that they and ourselves can feel truly nurtured and cared for. Lovely blog.

157. Thank you Enuce for a great sharing, I love this line” putting others before oneself is the way to live. Alas, that does not lead to true care, for to know what true care is, it must be lived by oneself and then it becomes but a natural expression of who one is and an equality of care is then delivered to all.” I once thought that caring for someone meant sacrificing self, how wrong then, was my thinking.

158. Such a revealing line of how contradicting much of our education is:
     “When I do a ward round in the morning, I ask patients “How are you feeling?” not “What are you thinking?” if I want to know what is going on for them and their wellbeing.” So why is so much focused on what we think? How can we really ask how another is feeling if we are always asked and expected to think our way through life?

159. There is so much gold here Eunice! Firstly what jumped out is how we assume it is so much easier or perceived acceptable to care for others first before self, (for whatever beliefs) yet that breeds separatism, resentment, lack of, martyr, feel good and so many other emotions that leaves the carer exhausted and the other person, persons or group being cared for with the emptiness of no true care or nurturing. Is this not what universities and institutions training our medical professionals are promoting and doing? How can our medical professionals, if only going by the standard of education and training now, be able to somehow flick a switch after years and years of study and practical application, from a body that has been starved of any true nurturing or honouring and take care and nurture other fellow human beings? Imagine the state of humanities health if the amazing health professionals of the world were supported first to have a solid (yet without perfection) foundation of self-care and love before even entering the world of medicine? Thank you Eunice!

160. True intelligence is embodied and feelings are the conveyors of that intelligence. …. If this amazing statement was understood, truly understood the world would be a very different and expanded place.

161. “To provide true care for another we must first provide that care in equal measure to ourselves.” This is so important – yet how many of us were taught to care first for ourselves? I was brought up to believe this was selfish – how very wrong. If we dont first care for ourselves, how can we truly care for another? On a plane we are told to use the oxygen mask on ourself first, before helping another – but this doesn’t yet translate through to life.

162. ‘to know what true care is, it must be lived by oneself and then it becomes but a natural expression of who one is and an equality of care is then delivered to all.’ So often those in the caring professions think they are offering the answers because they consider themselves to be not in the same category as those they are caring for when often they are on the same continuum.

     So, for example, today when I listened to how to support children and young people who are being sexually exploited who often return to the perpetrator because they seek intimacy and were originally shown affection by the perpetrator, I thought of my relationships. I’ve stayed in unloving relationships because I wanted love and true intimacy. But until I love and understand myself I cannot express this way of being to another or offer a way of being in relationship with oneself let alone another that is not based on need but true love and understanding. Sure it’s super important to prevent and educate these young people from being horribly abused but there is a call to look at the quality of all our relationships.

163. True caring is the antithesis of what we have come to view as caring in our society. Caring has been a rather self-sacrificing venture. Everyone else comes first with ourselves coming in at a very neglected last place. True caring comes from the ability to live the caring we do of others for ourselves first. Caring then becomes an outward expression of the inwardly directed self-care, for once we ourselves are nourished by our own care, it can then emanate from our bodies as a quality and expression that will be felt long before any caring word or deed.

164. Eunice in a world where the brain, the thoughts are considered the most important thing, it’s funny how we ask people how they are “feeling” – something that comes from their body and not their mind. It’s a great confirmation that whilst we have all the amazing medical science, what counts at the end of the day is the quality someone feels inside.

165. I have witnessed a friend and previous flatmate go through medical training and seen how the process hardened their body and inflamed in them an arrogance about what health is. The process definitely removed the ability of that friend to feel what is going on, which feels like a very standard approach within medicine and medical training. To evolve our treatment and reduce the strain of the multi symptomatic man we need to get more in touch with our feelings as a basis for becoming more aware of the root cause of what our ill health means and where it originates from. This is taught very simply and logically by Serge Benahyon and it is not a leap of faith to consider that this is where medicine should go as a matter of urgency to tackle the huge health crisis we have staring us in the face.

166. I’ve always found it nigh on impossible to take seriously advice from some people…and wondered how others do too? An overweight personal fitness trainer, or doctor for example. I look to these people to show me better, another supportive way, but when clearly their way is not working for them, it asks the question of who do we look to, who are our role models?
     Thank goodness for Serge Benhayon and the Benhayon family, they are true role models. Very inspiring indeed.

167. Thank you Eunice for a really great article, I was brought up from young not to trust my feelings, this caused me to ignore my body and what it was feeling as of no consequence, except of course when my body spoke loudly through illness. Thanks to Serge’s teaching, I am gradually learning to listen to, and trust my bodies intelligence, and with that, I am making much more loving choices these days.

168. ‘….and indeed some would consider putting others before oneself is the way to live. Alas, that does not lead to true care…’ This is drummed into us from a young age and it’s my feeling that the vast majority continue to try to live to this ideal throughout their lives. I say ‘their lives’ because although I have also believed this hook, line and sinker, today I am freer from this total lie than ever, thanks in whole to Universal Medicine.

169. Wow Eunice, no wonder it is so hard for doctors to unlearn the behaviours that are very much set up in your education and training to become doctors. In so far as, you are stressed, overworked, made to go into such unloving behaviours just to cope with the workloads. So when you are practicing as a doctor, if all you know is that behaviour, when you have patients who are also living in that way, it doesn’t really stand out, or you don’t have a lived experience within you to reflect and or recommend ‘how’ to live in another way. So we as patients, just get more of the same and you have to always fall back on medication as the only way to combat what the patient is experiencing. This doesn’t set up the foundation for another way of living.

170. ‘..to know what true care is, it must be lived by oneself and then it becomes but a natural expression of who one is and an equality of care is then delivered to all.’ I love this sentence. Convincing someone to live a certain way without living it yourself does not work.

171. Great article Eunice. In daily life we like to mainly keep it shallow and suppress our feelings for we believe they keep us from getting on with it or might make us look less competent. Being constantly aware of what we are feeling and understanding this to be the beautiful way our body tries to communicate with us shows us the way to true health.

172. How often do we let ourselves feel or express how we are feeling? I know I’ve avoided that question all my life when asked yet I know quite easily how I am feeling and by listening and saying how I feel it brings a stop, an awareness and a willingness to take deeper care of myself. Yet with goals, targets and drives its no wonder the medical community are unhealthy in themselves unless they take the deep care of themselves that they present to their patients.

173. What you say in the following sentence ought to be taught in all medical, nursing and health science schools –” I have discovered that the more I truly care for myself, the more I am able to care, both for others and myself”. If our health professionals, along with everyone else learned to care for themselves first we would have a very different health care system.

174. “It must be lived by oneself….”. This is key, for everything in life. If we don’t live it ourselves, and when it does not come from our own livingness, we can not support others. We can only share what we live.

175. Feeling then honouring the truth from our body is paramount to healing and indeed living a vital life. My body is the love that I am, it reflects all my choices and it nudges me every day to nurture myself deeper. I am definitely inspired by health professionals such as yourself Eunice, that are leading the way in showing that true care starts with self-care first.

176. “I have found that the ability to truly care for myself is something that deepens the more I live it and that there is much more to it than I ever imagined.” Yes Eunice, it’s like the mind can’t get this on its own. This care cannot be put in a box or pigeonhole, and ticked off. It’s a feeling that keeps expanding way beyond what we considered were our boundaries. In this way it is like we see through love and care we are all connected and not individual at all. Thank you for sharing and for caring deeply Eunice.

177. So much of what we learned as children has turned out to be unhelpful when it comes to really feeling what is going on and learning to feel the intelligence of the body. It turns out there is much to be felt and so much to be learned from this.
     It is beautiful to know that there are doctors who will care for themselves and inspire their patients. Because of this caring they will be much better placed to hear their patients, feel the truth and also tell the truth.

178. Reading this brought up how many ask another how they’re feeling and yet in truth never really wish to know the answer. Not only do some find it hard to feel their own feelings, others feelings are just as hard and unwanted. A total avoidance of truth is then lived as one jumps around the truth that we all ‘feel’ as we all have bodies that pulsate to the one beat.

179. Beautiful Eunice, ‘to know what true care is, it must be lived by oneself and then it becomes but a natural expression of who one is and an equality of care is then delivered to all’. To be able to come to another with clarity of what true care is, is in itself healing for another. What is then offered is absolute with no interference; the patient receives another way to live by virtue of the care that you show. You become a walking offering for all to receive.

180. To ask people how they are feeling instead of how they are doing brings already a deepening in the connection and invites people to connect to their body. It’s a beautiful question to ask, ourselves and others.

181. What a joy to read your sharing. It is so important to distinguish between thinking and feeling and most of the time in my life, I wasn’t able to do it, because I was just in my head. Since I reconnect to my body, I know exactly what you are talking about. Thanks for your great blog.

182. True wisdom in your words Eunice,realising that the more we are able to care for ourselves, the better equipped we are to care for others is such a simple thing, but is so overlooked by possibly the majority of Doctors, Nurses, Care workers mothers and fathers, you name it.

183. A really insightful article Eunice reflecting how easily we have moved away from our true feelings and how simple it is to return to them by truly being honest, listening to our bodies and honouring what we feel. It makes absolute sense to me that one can not offer true care if one does not firstly hold that level of care for self.

     1. What you have highlighted here Jade is paramount. There is no true healing until we offer ourselves the level of quality of care first.

184. The way the medical system has shut out and dismissed the significance of our feelings reflects how we as people do it too. What you share here Eunice precisely diagnoses our key issue – that we truly feel so much. If we build a loving appreciation for our senses, what a quality of life and care we can know as doctors, patients and nurses.

     1. I agree Joseph, it seems a hole is in the system and what Eunice has written about is what fills it.

        1. Spot on Kim. Eunice has shown us the missing link.

185. ‘ … to know what true care is, it must be lived by oneself and then it becomes but a natural expression of who one is and an equality of care is then delivered to all.’ I love what you express here. My idea of caring for others when I was exhausted is so different to now that I feel vital. Now I am much more discerning and able to feel what is needed by others and what is needed by myself. I no longer will self-sacrifice as it sets a very poor example to others and my own health suffers and it usually backfires, especially with family. If I am clear and honest about what is true for me I maintain my vitality and there is more then enough care to go around.

186. I too have been challenged by true self care in a fight with my mind to do extreme activities such as fasting and intense exercise in the belief that it is the way to a better body. But in this there is tension between how the body feels and what the mind thinks it should feel. I have very much enjoyed letting go of these ideals, and observing the body, listening to how I am feeling as oppose to using my mind as a way to override.
     In doing so, I can’t challenge what is true, and it has been with acceptance and appreciation that my relationship with my body and ultimately myself has changed completely. I am more sensitive, aware and know the true meaning and feeling of health and vitality in my body.

     1. Yes hvmorden I noticed the same. When we feel from the body, there is nothing to challenge as the body doesn’t hold back the exhaustion or ill ease that we are experiencing at that moment.

        1. What a gift we have in a body that does not hold back, and instead shows us everything we need to experience and feel to ultimately learn. This comes with illness, disease, soreness, but also feeling light, present, the depth of our bodies. Our bodies can show us where we are at all the time – what an amazing way for us to truly listen and develop a relationship with ourselves in this way.

187. Eunice, your comment about true self caring leading to a greater capacity to care for ourselves and others struck a chord with me. I was raised with the attitude that to consider yourself first was very selfish; a real ‘no, no’. It has been a big revelation for me to realise that the capacity to care for others is dependent on my own level of self care. As I am learning to dismantle this belief and build the level of my own self care, I have found I am changing the way I offer care for others. It is quite a different feeling as it’s coming from a non imposing source, rather than from a want or need for acceptance, recognition or whatever. There is still some way to go but I am definitely growing in my appreciation and understanding of self care.

188. This is such a great blog Eunice. And the last paragraph is really so strong. How many times have we heard the saying – ‘you can’t love someone else until you love yourself.’

     And yet how do we really implement that in our lives? Do we ever actually make it a reality or do we just stick on the fridge or post it on Facebook as a feel good thing to read?

     Your blog is really powerful.

189. “…It always seemed easier to care for others than it did for myself and indeed some would consider putting others before oneself is the way to live. …” Many, many mothers would champion this idea too, that all the kids need to come first before they are tended to. Occasionally the true message comes through, for example the airlines’ safety videos, telling travellers to put on the oxygen masks for themselves FIRST before tending to others. We shouldn’t need to be told this, but we still do.

190. These following words from your blog Eunice hold much truth, in fact they are a complete turn around from what we have been led to believe. “True intelligence is embodied, and feelings are the conveyors of that intelligence”. How amazing that our bodies hold all we will ever need to know, and it is our willingness to connect to our selves that develops the communication.

191. It is a blessing as we age to know how to be kind to our bodies and to feel whatever is going on for us. How wonderful for patients to have doctors, surgeons and nurses with your awareness Eunice, who understand that our body has true intelligence and that it is always speaking to us. Thanks to Universal Medicine I now enjoy much more awareness and responsibility about my body, and I care for it and honour it in a loving way.

     1. Babies and toddlers too have the ability to be kind to their bodies, it doesn’t have to come with age. At the slightest feeling of discomfort, perhaps a sock not quite right in her shoe, my toddler daughter just had to stop and work it out, no matter when or who she blocked. The body feels, that’s what it does, and it is becoming clearer and clearer to me that listening to those feelings is better than reading the encyclopedia. If I ask what’s wrong, it doesn’t take long to get the answer, but it does take honesty.

        1. This is my observation too Suzanne, children as babies and toddlers are very much aware of how they are feeling and will express this immediately. Through our education and conditioning we learn to not honour how we feel, rather carrying on with what is expected. I agree as you shared it is about coming back to being honest about what is going on in our body and taking the time to stop, listen and feel.

192. This sentence does it for me – “True intelligence is embodied and feelings are the conveyors of that intelligence”. Oh dear, how much have we subscribed to intelligence being from the mind, when our true intelligence comes from our body. What a hoodwink. Fortunately our body is always there with us and as soon as we stop and reconnect, it will share unreservedly – it does not hold back its love. It is we, who hold back from our own love, when we live life disconnected from our body and ourselves.

193. “To provide true care for another we must first provide that care in equal measure to ourselves.” I like this truth you stated Eunice. When I get advice from the doctor I do look at their health that they portray themselves.

194. This line is beautiful Eunice “true intelligence is embodied and feelings are the conveyors of that intelligence”. One of the biggest revelations for me in life has been to learn to listen to the messages that my body is giving me and to honor my feelings.

195. We certainly haven’t been encouraged to express what we feel. It would most certainly be a different world if armed with self responsibility we started to express what got us into the mess that put us in front of our doctor in the first place. If the doctors were more open to hearing their patients express this way and understood from living with an equal sense of self responsibility and honesty themselves, then it seems to me caring for patients and doctors would be a lot less complicated and a lot lighter.

196. Your last line is pure gold and should be a principle and understanding by all those who offer care to another…for true care must be lived first in the body before being expressed or truly offered to another. Through the choices you now make in listening to and honouring your feelings you offer a powerful reflection to all you meet and treat, that there is a different way to live and to be. This is the future of medicine.

197. I love this blog. I have always not listened to my body until I had to, this is not the greatest way to live, no responsibility here. Gently allowing myself to feel has brought about much healing for me and even though the mind comes in and wants to stir things up, in truth I have always felt the truth of my body but haven’t chosen to always honour it. “True intelligence is embodied and feelings are the conveyors of that intelligence.” I totally concur.

198. Eunice – thank you – this is such a refreshing, humbling blog and inspiring to read. You express so clearly and beautifully of the difference between the academic mind and the ever growing awareness of being able to feel through the body and thus bring a true level of self care rather than caring for other first without any regard for oneself.
     “Alas, that does not lead to true care, for to know what true care is, it must be lived by oneself and then it becomes but a natural expression of who one is and an equality of care is then delivered to all”.

199. Yes Eunice, and men in particular are taught to completely disregard all feelings in favor of the rational mind, and most men shut down their feelings completely. When people used to ask me how do you feel, I would look back puzzled and say, “it does not matter.” We are not merely our minds, if we ignore our feeling side we end up with emotional problems.

200. It’s amazing to me how feelings have become the lowest level of evidence in many scientific realms. In effect they are the body communicating directly what is there to be communicated. People need to be more empowered about their bodies, and interpreting their feelings as this will greatly assist with healing and medicine for all.

201. Eunice when I read your blog and know that you care for yourself as you do and ask patients how they are feeling it brings me great joy. Having people like you in our world is much needed and the more carers there are that actually care for themselves first will begin to restore true health on our often care-less planet.
     You are inspirational.

202. I had an experience where I was met with the greeting “Are you well?” rather than the stock standard “Hi how are you?” This time it made me stop and connect – was I really well? At the time I had a few things going on in my body, so no in truth I wasn’t well and didn’t really want to feel that. There were aspects of my health that I was not taking responsibility for and ignoring. What a powerful greeting.

203. ‘To provide true care for another we must first provide that care in equal measure to ourselves’. Actually taking care of your own body and being and forever developing self care as the foundations for all the care that you provide another?? What a revelation this is for all those that work within the intense and increasingly overburdened health care system to consider!

204. Awesome observations and revelations Eunice. I have turned around my health by feeling what my body is communicating to me and feeling what my body needs at the time. Along with medical assistance, I have overcome health issues such as extreme anxiety, exhaustion and depression by checking in with how I am feeling. Today, I am deepening the definition of what health means to me by feeling into and paying attention to why I might moan or yell at family members and what exactly it is that stops me from having full loving relationships. To me this is now part of seeking true health in my life. You articulated this perfectly Eunice when you write, “I have found that the ability to truly care for myself is something that deepens the more I live it and that there is much more to it than I ever imagined.” Thank you.

205. Caring and putting others first has been rewarded in the past by ‘Being needed’. This was an empty hole in me that never seemed to fill and in reality did not really see and support ‘who’ the other truly was. What it did was to lock myself and others into a way that stopped us both from feeling and living the stillness, harmony and Love we were. I loved your comment – ‘To provide true care for another we must first provide that care in equal measure to ourselves’. Slowly I am living this in all ways in my life and the outcome is watching others blossom into their fullness also. So simple and so available to all of Humanity. Thanks Eunice.

     1. Beautiful ch1956 and so true. Putting others first does reward us with being needed. This is true for carers of all kinds especially parents.
        How many of us have felt ‘needed’ and so therefore have tended to children or others whilst being tired and unwell ourselves?
        True care of self FIRST not only allows us a rich and rewarding life but those around us benefit and actually get more true care from us because of this. We all blossom 🙂 🙂

206. I have often done the same as yourself gilesch ie: gone straight into thought when asked how I am. I realise that this is not the truth but just as Eunice mentioned in her blog, I considered myself the ” strong silent” type also and didn’t disclose anything personal either. The point is that it becomes obvious that one is either lying or just very lucky to be healthy and enjoying life most of the time. I do share much more of myself these days and how I feel and people get to know who I am and what makes me tick also!

207. No one is able to avoid choices and feelings. In any moment I choose to feel how I feel – or to ignore what I feel. Life is simple as that. Now how complicated life has become and how almost every single aspect of modern life is geared towards numbing and ignoring what we feel! …Whereas feeling and expressing what I feel is the only expression on Earth that allows me to be who I am.

208. Learning to love and care for ourselves by paying attention to and honouring what we feel in the body can be at times an uncomfortable process, for we have to confront our harming beliefs such as lack of self worth; however the true being that lies within is love, and more and more we come to see that this is who we truly are.

209. Thanks Eunice. I realised as I was reading the blog that when asked ‘how am I feeling?’ there is tendency to quickly jump to my head to evaluate. This realisation exposes the degree to which I still commonly rely on my mind for information and to cling to old beliefs about ‘pushing on through’ regardless of what is really happening in my body.

210. This blog made clear that ‘how are you feeling?’ invites for something very different compared to ‘how are you doing?’ or ‘how is it going?’ It invites you to connect and express where are you and your body. With the latter questions we do not necessarily expect a true answer. With the first question we do.

211. Amazing article, Eunice. So true, even when we ask each other ‘How are you?’ we often respond by saying what we have been getting up to, how busy we have been, etc., not actually checking in with what we are feeling. I used to also think that I was just an angry person, therefore never really allowed myself to feel into what was going on for myself. Wow, that’s exposing.

212. Absolutely “To provide true care for another we must first provide that care in equal measure to ourselves.” It is a basic part of offering a service to the public. I know as a practitioner that if I do not make the commitment to care for myself, I do not offer the client all of me. The lack of integrity and presence can be felt if a practitioner does not commit, I know I have felt this in past when I have visited tired or stressed doctors, nurses etc. Being aware of our responsibility as a practitioner is vital. As I write this, I am very aware that there is no reason to keep this within the practitioner and client relationship, this responsibility supports life in all areas.

213. I was brought up in a house that supposedly ‘expressed their feelings’, but this was not quite true. We actually expressed our emotions – dumped our anger, neediness and lack of self-worth on others, rather than expressing our true feelings. The difference between feelings and emotions is one of the first things I learned from Serge Benhayon and am forever grateful.

     1. true

214. Great blog and question…brought me straight back into my body.

215. We have most definitely been lead to believe that feeling is the same as being emotional but it seems we only get emotional when we haven’t truly honoured and accepted what we have felt. I have come to discover feeling comes from every cell of my body and deep in my heart I know the truth.

216. Such powerful words to hear from a woman who practises as a surgeon. “to know what true care is, it must be lived by oneself and then it becomes but a natural expression of who one is and an equality of care is then delivered to all.”

     1. Yes Lieke, Eunice’s sharing comes direct from her own experiences of self-care and what that offers to all is nothing short of amazing!

217. “True intelligence is embodied and feelings are the conveyors of that intelligence” – in a world where we are often taught to override our feelings and intellect is prized, this is such a great understanding to have as a person but then to be able to carry this awareness into the world of medicine and your work as a doctor is revolutionary Eunice.

218. Well said Eunice. When I first heard the wise and simple words of Serge Benhayon that ‘To provide true care for another we must first provide that care in equal measure to ourselves’ it stopped me in my tracks. It was so obviously the simple truth but I had spent so many years caring for others in disregard of myself that I am still having to learn to care for myself and ask myself “How are you feeling?”

     1. Similar to you Mary I spent many years in nursing caring for patients, but in disregard of myself. So this highlights the importance of selfcare first before others. And what Serge Benhayon said “To provide true care for another we must first provide that care in equal measure to ourselves”- rings true.

219. Thank you Eunice, how lovely it is to know you are offering a true healing to those around you – how blessed those people are. This is what we can all offer isn’t it in our expression to each person we meet in many different ways by recognising the difference as you have lovingly expressed in your article.

220. When I am asked how I feel I will sometimes think I don’t know, when what is truly happening is that I don’t want to admit the truth to myself, let alone anyone else.

221. I remember as a child listening to adults talk from their mind, what they “thought” was like a truth to them, even though how I felt was much different to what was being said. Feelings seem to hold a greater depth of wisdom, and come from the whole body, yet we are encouraged from a young age to let go of that and give our power away to the mind and it’s supposed truths. Universal Medicine has really encouraged me to come back to how I feel and trust in this, my life is much richer as a result, and it’s quite confronting to feel how empty it is to live from the mind only. Thanks Eunice.

222. When we see health care practitioners walking the talk it is so inspiring. We want to hear what they have to share as we can feel something so very different.

223. ‘It always seemed easier to care for others than it did for myself and indeed some would consider putting others before oneself is the way to live’. I did this my whole life that it became an ingrained pattern of mine… Interestingly, the first thing I changed when I became ill was this old and self abusive pattern as I said to myself, ok, that has to go, I have to put my needs first if I am going to get through this…and I did.

224. It is interesting that we have certain phrases in our language such as ‘ how are you feeling?’ which are there because deep down we know that feelings are the important signals of what is going on energetically inside and around us. So we know we can feel and discern energy and that it is important to express what we are feeling.

     1. Indeed Andrew – yet it is too often ignored as well. It’s ok to ask how are you feeling – but not to go any deeper and attribute emotions to illness and disease manifestation. That would be a tad too much responsibility perhaps!

        1. Good point Eunice. So often we ask this question, particularly in the medical professions, but we only ask on a superficial level in terms of localised physical pain or function or a particular condition. Perhaps this is because it is too uncomfortable as you say to ask patients how they are really feeling as a whole because it would mean asking ourselves the same question which would inevitably lead to us asking some deeper questions about how we were living. And we may not like the answer to those questions, so it is more comfortable though definitely more irresponsible to keep everything on a very physical, functional, compartmentalised level in medicine.

        2. Thank you for adding this missing point to the conversation Andrew. It is all too common, the superficial greeting, without really wanting to know how the person is. We all want a deeper connection but we avoid taking the steps.

225. “To provide true care for another we must first provide that care in equal measure to ourselves.” Such truth coming from someone with the authority and experience of you, Eunice Minford, is a shockwave that can reverberate through the corridors of health care across the whole globe.

226. How different medicine and the doctors and nurses who work in it would be, not to mention the enhanced care of patients, if the truth in Eunice’s following quote was taken on board and adhered to: “To provide true care for another we must first provide that care in equal measure to ourselves”.

     1. Yes I agree Robert.
        “To provide true care for another we must first provide that care in equal measure to ourselves”.Could you imagine this being the core principle in the medical world? What an amazing ‘health’ system we would have.

227. We can think up any array of conclusions or speculations on the state of our wellbeing but until we truly FEEL how it is actually, we’re living in separation to the best friend we have – our body.

228. Thanks Eunice. I understand about being brought up in an environment where talking about feelings is foreign. I found this to be very harming to my being and left me disabled for many years. Today, how something feels matters most, this has given me a much deeper understanding of the world and therefore myself. Imagine if this was taught in school?

     1. indeed Kate – for me feelings were unimportant and dismissed or buried or denied – so it is a bit of a journey learning to listen to them again and not fall back in to the old ways!

229. To truly care for me
     is foundational to be
     a serving kind of human
     and to care for all man and woman

     1. Gorgeous Sandra 🙂

230. Eunice what you express is without a doubt pure gold. ” To know what true care is, it must be lived by oneself and then it becomes but a natural expression of who one is and an equality of care is then delivered to all.” It is the way and quality that we care for ourselves which will allows us to then show that care to another.

231. Eunice, When I read your last line about knowing what true care is by first truly caring for yourself, I had a flash of how empty my ‘caring’ had been before I had begun truly caring for myself. When I consider it now, I realise that I don’t think that I was really there to do the caring.

232. I love your practical common sense, down to earth telling it as it is, Eunice, and yes it’s true our ingrained ways of behaving can often get in the way of us doing what is the most caring thing for ourselves – even though it seems so simple. As someone once told me it’s the going against the past momentums that make it hard when really the choices themselves are much easier than we think.

     1. yes Josephine – simple but not always easy in my experience at least. My engrained ways are forever getting in the way!!

233. To read from a Specialised Doctor of Medicine that the intelligence of the body is just as important as the intelligence of the mind that is learnt but not felt and the importance of honouring and taking true care of ourselves first before we can truly care for others is like a breath of fresh air. I really like what you have written “true intelligence is embodied and feelings are the conveyors of that intelligence”

     1. thanks Deidre and this doctor was quite ignorant of the depth of the wisdom of the body despite studying and working in medicine and surgery! Serge Benhayon has opened my eyes to a much deeper understanding, one that makes sense and when lived, makes a true difference.

234. Eunice, I found myself nodding my head in agreement many times as I read your blog. I was particularly struck by your words ‘To provide true care for another we must first provide that care in equal measure to ourselves.’. Self care is an ongoing work in progress for me as I too am learning to challenge old ideals and beliefs about the difference between self indulgent, selfish behaviour versus taking the time to be gentle, kind and tender with myself each and every day.

     1. thank you Helen – yes it is a work in progress for me too! And one thing is for sure, having the knowledge makes no difference – it has to be lived.

        1. How true Eunice, all the knowledge in the world won’t make an iota of difference if I’m unable to look after myself. After a lifetime of dedicating myself to the service of others and believing that I was doing the right thing it is back to the drawing board learning how to take care of myself. The caring has to be deeply felt in my body where the wisdom resides.

235. When people tell you to take care of you and they are not of themselves, it comes with a falseness because what is being asked of you is not being lived by them (despite often great intentions). We need people to take great care of themselves to show that it is possible. For when people who care for themselves then care for others from that space, it comes from a true self-honouring, understanding and living of what care is. This creates a true marker of self-care that can be felt and experienced by all.

236. Thank you Eunice and Judith, I agree listening to our body is not an option it is paramount.

237. I agree Eunice, honouring my feelings connects me with my body and my body is a very reliable source to tell me what is truly going on. Where as my mind is flippant and can not make up it’s mind most times, telling me this and that, never being sure what is right. Self-care for me starts with listening to my body.

     1. I agree Judith and that in itself is a very simple yet supportive step for anyone to choose.

     2. Great point about the mind Judith, and just what I needed to read this morning! Thanks.

     3. I have found this to be true as well and the more I am listening to these feelings I better understand how I need to be in the world. And then because I better understand my body I am finding that others are very similar if not the same as my body! Does this not show in the comments whereby if many people are listening to their bodies and it all has the same result quality wise but varying on how that feeling came about that self-care thought listening to the body is universal? and thus why wouldn’t it be a very valid and needed part of the medical and all professions.

        1. great point Leigh the universality of self care and looking after your body, honouring what you feel having immensely positive impact on peoples lives makes it an obvious way forward for all professions not just the traditional ‘helping’ professions like medicine but every profession. Imagine the way life would be…. the possibilities are huge

238. Eunice I totally agree that true care for another must also be provided in equal measure for oneself. To be cared for by someone who cares for themselves is an inspiration to care for myself because in the presence of such practitioners it is easier to feel exactly what is happening in my body. However, if I’m just given the knowledge it becomes an intellectual exercise that I may discipline myself to follow, or think is a good idea but don’t implement – that is unless I get to feel it for myself first.

239. Why many people tend to do more, or seemingly care more for others than themselves, is an interesting question. It is especially interesting if one considers that true care cannot really be afforded to another, if it’s not lived for oneself; (when one does not truly care for themselves, surely this is felt when they endeavour to do so for someone else?). The basis of this, is that the truth of anything (care included) is felt and not just received.

     1. You make an excellent point here Oliver.

        1. Yes Oliver and Deborah. If we don’t feel the level of care we have in our own bodies how can we ever THINK to feel and ask about the care for another?

        2. Yes Oliver, we do indeed need to feel and have that quality in our body, before it can be passed on to another, and if that is the case, then if we are not making choices to care for our selves and to build that care in our bodies, what are we really passing on when we say we are caring for another?

240. ‘Whilst thoughts may appear to arise in the mind, feelings come from the body and are the language of the intelligence of the body’. Thanks Eunice for expressing the difference between feeling and thinking so clearly. I was born in an African culture where people greet each other routinely by asking, ‘How’s the body?’ A great question you could say, but often not genuinely asked. Without stopping to feel first,It always provoked, this routine response, ‘Fine’ or in the local dialect the equivalent of this, usually said with humour, ‘Even if I fall down, I get up again’. I remember that no-one spoke honestly about how they felt, it was almost a taboo. Instead there was a masquerade of appearing to be fine and getting on with life. I inherited the belief that feelings should not to be shared and to do so was a sign of weakness. Decades later I now appreciate the healing power of connecting to our bodies and expressing how I we feel.

241. I find this super true Eunice, the fact that we must care for ourselves before we may care for another…I find this so because without knowing what is caring for ourselves, how do we know what is caring for another…we cannot read minds. So by knowing what is caring for us, as we are pretty much the same as other people we can know what is caring for another. Know another by knowing ourselves so to speak.

242. It’s interesting you highlight over-exercise here. It’s true – exercise is an arena in which we’re all encouraged to believe (like publicity) that ‘any exercise is good exercise’. But I’m imagining you and your colleagues see a lot of damage done to our human frames (and psyches) in the name of exercise – and more so in relation to sport. How is hammering ourselves in any shape or form good? It amounts to self-abuse. What’s more, our doctors are left to pick up the pieces, which puts further strain on our health systems, which ar already under-pressure as they attempt to cope with the fallout from our choices to behave or live irresponsibly in other ways.

243. Thank you Eunice. What you are sharing here is enormously important, particularly in light of your role as a medical professional. You are pioneering a new way for you and your colleagues – one in which medicos take as much care of themselves as they do their patients.

244. I am realising that it is only by being committed to observing, reflecting and challenging the old patterns that I find I am able to change them. There must be a willingness to look deeper and when we do, anything is possible. Our body is a wealth of information just waiting to be unleashed. Investing in ourselves is the best investment one could ever make – Thanks Eunice for sharing your experience of feeling vs thinking.

245. There is so much more for us to know and connect to when we allow the body to communicate what it is feeling. It’s like the whole universe opens up when we stop relying on the mind to give us the answers and listen to the body.

246. Beautiful blog Eunice. Without feelings and expressing those feelings, they are locked in our bodies and then we don’t have any true expression with another person. At best we have our interpretations of those feelings that we can think about in our heads but we are then still not expressing the purity of what they are in the fist place. Without this there is no one understanding no one, and we then have all the variations of behaviour that range from ‘good’ to ‘bad’ behaviour all because we haven’t had a foundation of love between ourselves and other people.

247. Eunice you have explained beautifully, a question I have wondered about and that is; Why do some Doctors have no bedside manner and others are so lovely and supportive?. I can see if they are absolutely exhausted, and are not encouraged to self nurture in their training or taught at some stage of their working lives and therefore abuse their own bodies, that this would be the end result. There is a lesson for us all in this not just Doctors!

248. The deepening of self care you write about Eunice is something I can keep returning to, and I am finding when I feel how my body is feeling it lately has been saying ” more tenderness and gentleness please”. When I agree to this my body feels so much more harmonious, and everybody else benefits.

249. Having recently presented workshops to young graduate doctors on self-care and conscious presence in listening and expression, it is still apparent that old paradigms as Eunice has expressed are still running in doctors education programs, where the stress and lack of balance is still very apparent. A recent survey in the UK by doctors about doctors, has revealed that the system as it stands, is not sustainable. Doctors are an essential, irreplaceable facet of our society, and they deserve to be looked after in a responsible way from the very first day of their training.

250. So true Eunice Minford. I have learned too to live from my mind instead of living a life that has a relation with my body and since I am taking more care for myself I am also re-learning that it is my body that holds the truth, that holds all the answers that have been always there to support me in living a healthy and harmonious life.

251. I love your point Eunice, that if you want to know how your patient is on ward rounds, ask them how they are feeling, not what they are thinking.
     The power of what you are reclaiming as a doctor is extraordinary, and world changing.
     You have exposed too how the training to be a doctor entrenched those stoic patterns that were already set in motion when you were young. How on earth can we ever have doctors capable of deep care under such a system?
     A great change is now taking shape, inspired by doctors like yourself.

252. Eunice so many wonderful points made. I would always put others first thinking that I was selfish if I put myself first. But now I realise I must first truly care for myself, because that is where true care starts.

253. I agree, Paul. I also think that sometimes in our “busy” lives we do not want to take the responsibility for hearing the answer if someone truly answered the question , “How are you feeling?”. We often avoid the connection with another as it takes too much time and on a deeper level the answer may be too revealing for us. When I am totally with me and open I feel it is a privilege to hear how a person is truly feeling.

254. ‘How are you / How are you feeling?’ is a question which invokes a level of trust and connection between two people. But as a society we have turned away from this level of intimacy and turned this question into either a mental enquiry or a mere formality. I feel that what is presented in this blog is challenging us all to bring the truth back into this commonly ‘unfelt’ question. By asking someone ‘How are you?’ or ‘How are you feeling?’ with the actual intent genuine and from the heart, then this naturally would invoke a true connection and thus a true response. We can also respond to these questions with true connection even if they are asked of us without such energy, thus engaging the person asking the question. Thank you Eunice for an inspiring article.

255. Dear Eunice,
     I am rereading your blog today, and so love the the statement “to know what true care is it must be lived by ones self”. Once upon a time I would have severely scoffed at this, now I know, from my lived experience the depth of truth that this statement holds and the fact that it then becomes our natural way of being. How much for me has changed in how I live in my days, my stress and anxiety levels have greatly decreased, my vitality and wellness have greatly increased and my true way of being, which is to participate fully and lovingly in my life is ever present. I so wish that every health care professional could feel the benifits of true self care, this would completely change the face of our health care systems and in many cases the delivery of care with all.

256. Eunice, wonderful article. I find asking “How are you feeling” such powerful words as it offers the client an opportunity to express what they are truly feeling and also says to the client that you care about them. I know years ago I could not feel anything as I was so shutdown, but reacted with emotions at situations. (I thought emotions were feelings but discovered they were different). I am now able to feel what my body is telling me, so I am able to care and nurture myself and therefore be more available to care for my clients.

257. I love your post Eunice, it makes complete sense, and could so relate to the the ward example of “how are your feeling”, as opposed “how are your thinking” – so true! You lay the very foundation and importance of self-care so clearly and in this offer great inspiration, not solely to your medical profession, but to all professions. You ask us to consider the relationship we have with ourselves is what then develops the relationship with another, and since all of us work with other people, your insights and presentation are universal in truth.

258. ‘True intelligence is embodied and feelings are the conveyors of that intelligence.’ – this is beautiful Eunice. And the way you have expressed the value of self-care through your experiences is truly inspiring. I have also found it to be true that the more you live it the more you realise that there is to live, forever deepening opportunities. Thank you.

259. Great article Eunice. I find that I’m still unpicking very strong beliefs about being there for others first before myself. It’s a really strong pattern because I go into it so automatically and barely realise until I begin to feel tired or unwell in some way. I feel for me my worth was very tied to “doing” for others, however when I do deeply self care it makes a huge difference to everyone around me because I literally sparkle and everyone around me is uplifted by my presence.

     1. I imagine many women in particular are the same Melinda, always tending to or ‘doing’ for others well before themselves – men too of course. Yet it is this kind of ‘self-sacrifice’ that does end up with us sacrificing ourselves indeed.

260. Thank you Eunice. This blog allowed me to connect to how important it is to feel everything that is there to be felt. I have avoided feeling everything as a false form of ‘protection’ so when I read “True intelligence is embodied and feelings are the conveyors of that intelligence.” it was so clear that avoiding what I feel does not serve anyone.

     If I do not allow myself to honour and confirm what I feel then I will also ignore how others feel and it’s pretty obvious that my relationships will suffer as a result. It is clear that allowing ourselves to feel and honour our feelings is always the responsible thing to do.

261. Eunice you totally rock!

262. So many great points to keep close at hand in this blog.

263. Thanks Eunice for this insightul article – yes, I agree it is more true to ask someone “how are you feeling”, rather than the usual non-connected question ‘howreyogoin’ – which I have become aware is an ingrained response to meeting someone – whether you know them intimately or just as an acquaintance. Strange isn’t it ‘howreyogoin?’ – what on earth does that mean exactly – are you going by donkey or starship I wonder.
     From attending the presentations of Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon I am learning to become more aware of the true meaning and use of language in my everyday life – it is often very enlightening how I still resort to nonsensical words/questions on occasion when not connected to my self – the words just seem to be there before I’ve had a chance to choose what I would truly like to express.

264. It is often considered a compliment to talk about someone as always ‘caring for everyone else before themselves’, especially when describing a woman. What you share, I have found to be so true for myself – you can’t truly care for another before you first care for yourself.

265. You are right Eunice, there has been way too much importance and emphasis on what we are thinking compared to what we are feeling.

266. Thank you Eunice. When you say ‘Everything was always ‘fine’ no matter what was really going on.’ It seems people often say they are fine, as a means of answering a question without sharing any information about how they truly are. I read somewhere that in another language (I think it was Arabic?) asking someone how they are literally translates to ‘how is your heart today’. I thought that was a beautiful way of asking someone how they are feeling, as they would need to connect and feel first before being able to answer with honesty.

267. Eunice I too have found that caring for myself first is the only way I can offer true care for another. In listening to my feelings from my body I have recently realised I need to take that level of care way deeper as I have found when I listen to my bodies feelings, they never lie. It’s remarkable that we have wisdom within us that is always supporting us if we take the time to listen.

268. ‘I rather ignorantly and arrogantly used to think that my angry outbursts were just part of who I was – that I was made that way and people could ‘like it or lump it,’ not realising that I could take steps to address the root cause of that anger – which had nothing to do with the situation at hand.’
     I like how you address the moods we are in with this. We become so used to them that we think they are part of us and in fact we believe that is just the way we are. But I have learned over the years that this is not the case that they are actually just something we have adapted to deal with life but they are not at all who we truly are.

     1. Yes. How many times do we hear people say “it’s just who I am” when referring to a mood or emotion. I too was the same. But the teachings of the Way of the Livingness have allowed me to see the eternal trap of this kind of thinking. And by enabling me to see the deeper roots below these feelings, I am no longer a merciless puppet in the hands of these emotions.

269. At some point in my life thinking became more important than feeling. With the support of Serge Benhayon and the Universal Medicine practitioners and student body I am learning to reconnect to the intelligence of how my body feels rather than what my mind thinks. A much more honest way to live.

270. Eunice, can you not do a world tour on medical institutes and start lecturing and teaching? You are one of the few living examples of how a doctor/surgeon/etc. can be and make a difference.

271. Imagine a world where self care was the ‘normal’. What you say is profoundly true. The greater our self care the more impossible it becomes to offer another anything other than that true care that meets them in love.

272. “To provide true care for another we must first provide that care in equal measure to ourselves.” Such a simple statement and yet it was so difficult for me to incorporate in my day to day life when I first met Universal Medicine. My entire education was geared towards caring for others first and foremost. Bringing gentleness in my life has also brought back the smile I lost along the way.

273. Is it not crazy that the ones who work in the healthcare push themselves to get everything done instead of feeling what is going on. We all can make the choice to truly care for ourselves. As you say Eunice: “To provide true care for another we must first provide that care in equal measure to ourselves.” Working as a nurse myself I still feel the tendency to put the patient/client first instead of taking true care for myself. Allowing myself to stop and have an honest look at what I feel, how my breath is, is a great remedy to come back to caring for myself again.

274. How do you feel? instead of How do you do? when we meet for all of us would be a great start of an honest conversation. I can see how often we, e.g.me too, talk about what we do or give superficial answers. But how do you feel? truly is inviting to express what is going on now, the only place to know find out in the body. That starts with connecting to the body. That is where self-care starts for me: connect and feel and express.

275. If everyone were to apply what you have shared here in your blog around what to truly care for one-self is, and how self-care then allows you to care for another, there wouldn’t be the huge number of stressed and burnt out medical practitioners that statistics show us today. Learning and applying these principles of true self-care would change the medical world and save a lot of money.

     1. Good point Donna – for doctors and all of us! There’s clearly a case for more self-care amongst health care professionals and the general population accessing the health care system. More self-care = less burden on the system; more self-responsibility and care = healthier patients and doctors.

276. Haha “When I do a ward round in the morning, I ask patients “How are you feeling?” not  “What are you thinking?””, It is so true- this is what we ask people everyday. “How are you?/ How are you feeling?” However there is definitely a difference between someone genuinely asking to want to know how you are, and others who don’t. So real and insightful, concluding in a power-hitting last paragraph.

277. “To provide true care for another we must first provide that care in equal measure to ourselves” … so true Eunice. You only have to look at the extremely high burnout rates in the professional carer and mental health practitioner sectors to see the truth in that. They are so busy tending to the needs of others at their own expense, and that can only go on for so long before our body says ‘enough’ in one way or another.

278. It is so easy to overlook the meaning of true care – for indeed how could we ever imagine that we can care for others if we cannot care for ourselves? And yet, that is what I can so easily do – cutting corners, skipping self caring routines, doing things hurriedly, putting things off, all at the expense of myself in order to be there for others. The expectations of care and what it ‘should’ look like are enormous and we can learn a lot by ignoring most of them !

279. I am a mother with two young girls and my experience with the way in which I care for myself has opened up a deeper understanding for me about ‘quality of care’ so when I read the line “…to know what true care is, it must be lived by oneself and then it becomes but a natural expression of who one is and an equality of care is then delivered to all.” rings so true to me.

280. As a child I was never encouraged to feel my body or to express, quite the opposite.
     And now with true self care I am learning the importance of staying connected to my body and my feelings. Thanks for sharing, Eunice.

     1. Yes, me neither Lynda. It wasn’t until I started attending presentations by Serge Benhayon at age 40 that I truly began to understand and pay attention to my body and feelings. Yet this is something we could all learn in kindergarten!

281. I felt a little sadden when I read “Medical training itself is a good way to learn how to ignore and over-ride one’s feelings” it seems such a harsh thing to expect the very people we look to for guidance to dismiss themselves

     1. Yes this is true Jaime – but it is what happens – we are taught to over-ride our own needs and then people wonder why we end up exhausted and burnt out!

282. So true. Very well said and clearly conveyed.

283. I remember the old saying ‘you can’t do for another what you are not willing to do for yourself’ – and am realising that that is true. I am also realising the there are many levels to this statement that we can choose to feel into. The depth to which I am willing to be truly loving towards myself, to be honest in how I am moving through the day, feeding myself or expressing through words – will inform the foundation on which I stand to meet another. Maybe it is time to expand this saying to – ‘the more you are willing to be with self and do for self the more you can meet another in true presence and action’. Thanks Eunice.

284. “to know what true care is, it must be lived by oneself and then it becomes but a natural expression of who one is and an equality of care is then delivered to all.” It seems crazy that this truth has been left out of the academic education for doctors and health professionals. Your patients are blessed to have this level of integrity from their surgeon Eunice.

285. “To provide true care for another we must first provide that care in equal measure to ourselves”. If everyone did this who works in healthcare we would have a very different health care system, indeed world.

     1. And imagine if it wasn’t just those in the healthcare profession that adopted this approach of self-care, but if each of us as individuals took this approach… Now that would be amazing!

     2. I agree Elizabeth. And it is a miracle to have someone like Eunice Minford working in the heart of the beast.

286. Thank you Eunice for that powerful reminder how often we override situations with how we THINK rather than what we are really FEELING.

287. Great article Eunice, being responsible for what we feel allows us to look at what choices we are making throughout a day and what thoughts are attempting to dictate those choices. I love your line asking your patients “How do you feel?” We do it all the time to each other, but is the question and the answer honest with each other?

     1. I agree Paul, so often the question ‘how are you’ is tagged on to a ‘hello’ and asked in passing, not really expecting an answer at all. It’s made me reconsider how I greet, and respond to, people I meet, and try to be more open and honest.

288. Great to see a medical practitioner taking so much care, for herself and her patients.

     1. Absolutely Joe and I couldn’t help picturing the nursing and doctor colleague who now know you Eunice as someone who has ‘changed her ways’! What an inspiration for them and for Medical practice in general. Awesome

289. It is great for us to be reminded to not dump our undealt emotions on another and also to know that when another is in anger, rage, frustration etc it is not them and to not take it personally.

     1. Indeed Caroline – to observe that emotion in another and not take it personally or absorb it into oneself is a great practice!

290. Eunice what a revelation, thank you. I work as a psychologist and one of the biggest barriers to healing is getting people to reconnect to their feelings and let go of what the mind has re-interpreted as a way of coping and protecting oneself. I see many clients who have been so deeply hurt and hence dis-connected from their feelings that they can sit and honestly tell me they are ok, when I can clearly see and feel they are not. In extreme cases they have tears in their eyes that they are not even aware of and still tell me they are fine. Thank you for sharing that our way back to feeling is through self-care.

     1. What you have said is so true Caroline. Many of us have been taught to have a ‘stiff upper lip’ and button up those feelings to show that ‘we are fine’ and are in control of ourselves! As Eunice said, True intelligence is embodied and feelings are the conveyors of that intelligence. Wise words sharing the importance of feelings, acknowledging the wisdom within our bodies.

     2. yes indeed Caroline and as one who has struggled with feeling I know exactly what you are talking about – being fine was the answer – no matter what was truly going on!!

291. Such a great point, how when we care for people we do ask them how they feel – yet despite stressing the importance we place on feeling, by and large, we do not understand, access or read our feelings very much at all. Obviously this is a great shortfall of education as feelings are a natural part of us and learning how to express from them and about them is neglected as we mature. Yet it also reflects a world where as little children we mostly receive signals to shut down that natural capacity to feel in the first place. This does speak to me of the need for great change in how we relate to each other in every aspect of our lives.

292. I have always found it much easier to care for another. Caring for myself was something not to be done, there was so much guilt if you even considered to think about yourself but that changed when I was introduced to Serge Benhayon and his presentations. What Serge presented made so much sense. How can we care for another when we are not caring for ourselves first and foremost and only then we can care for another equally so. This I am learning to do each and everyday. Great article. Thank you.

293. Hi Eunice, your article sets a great standard for best practice across so many health professions. I experienced burn out some years back and shudder to think about the quality of my work and the exhausted energy I delivered it in. Thank-fully I have a far greater awareness and a very different approach now.

294. Wonderful Eunice, you have covered many areas here that once addressed, actually changes lives. This is a great example of how recognising the need to take responsibility for our own health and wellbeing then reflects outwardly into every aspect our daily lives. Blessed are the patients that have you as their physician.

295. Great article Eunice. It is so true about exercise and that it is considered that the more you push yourself the better it is for you. This ignores the exhaustion and muscle fatigue felt after over exerting during exercise. Your brain overriding what your body is saying. Since I have started to listen to my body with exercise and knowing when I have done enough and not pushing myself that little bit further, I feel that exercise is now supporting rather than exhausting my body.

     1. I agree, Lee and when I recently watched a couple of friends totally exhausting themselves during a long and arduous bike ride and then raiding the kitchen cupboards for anything sweet they could quickly gulp down, this was only confirmed. Exercise certainly doesn’t equal exercise, so is it possible that it is about the quality we do it in and with?

296. Such a great article Eunice – I was always asking others ‘how do you feel’ but never asked myself that question (and answered it honestly) till I came across Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine. It makes so much sense to care for self first then you are in a place to be truly caring for another.

297. Thank you Eunice for a great article. After living a life caring for others and ignoring my own needs, I have little by little come to honour the quality of care I give to myself and to others and asking myself: ‘what am I feeling today?’ From a young age we were not asked what we felt, for we were told that feelings could not be trusted, it was more about what we thought and what we did. Thank you to Serge Benhayon for showing me where true intelligence lies.

     1. Children often have such amazing things to express that are so original, unique and yes, divine. As adults we carry a great responsibility to encourage them, as a daily occurrence to express their feelings and share their world. It is so sad to witness how quickly they shut down and just give us back what they think we want to hear.

298. I agree Eunice that not only in the medical training years you learn very well to override the body and its signals, but even during all the years of practice I see many health professionals, doctors and nurses, constantly override their tiredness, discomfort, nervousness, stress, to be able to achieve results. And that, instead of truly self caring, is what is appreciated and rewarded. So we end up with lots and lots of medical professionals that are unhealthy to say the least (obese, addicted, depressed, stressed) but as long as they do their job, no one questions if that is healthy in the long term for them and for the patients too.

299. I love the lines- To provide true care for another we must first provide that care in equal measure to ourselves. Well put, just like that saying ‘you can’t love another if you don’t love yourself’ (which I admit use to annoy me when someone would say that) but the same would go with caring… How can you care for another if you yourself are a mess and don’t care for yourself) I thought it was amusing when you pointed out we ask people how they are feeling when we want to know how they are/ what’s going on, yet we don’t cherish the ability to feel and know ourselves from those feelings. Many cases we override it, don’t listen or question or like you said don’t give it merit. Bit backwards if it’s a everyday question we ask… Wouldn’t we be better building that, not the intelligence and ability to recall information?

300. It’s a great observation you make in the first part of your blog, the true intelligence is in our body, and we know it. But so often it is overridden by our thoughts of how we should be and how we think it is needed to be done.

301. Nailed it Eunice.

302. Great article Eunice, we really do need to stop and start listening to our super intelligent bodies a lot more – I know since I have started, my health and wellbeing has increased dramatically. It feels great to listen in more and to take more responsibility for myself.

303. “It always seemed easier to care for others than it did for myself and indeed some would consider putting others before oneself is the way to live. Alas, that does not lead to true care, for to know what true care is, it must be lived by oneself and then it becomes but a natural expression of who one is and an equality of care is then delivered to all.” Thank you Eunice, I know this to be true as it is my experience and I feel It in my body.

304. Love your blog, especially the last sentence and how true care comes from living it for ourselves first. Thank you Eunice!

305. How we feel about anything is what tends to drive our actions. Paying deep attention to how and what we feel makes perfect sense then to come to better understand our actions and behaviours

306. The workers in our health care system are trained to respond and do from their intellect. They are such an important part our health system. To be aware of their own wellbeing and care for themselves means a flow on effect for our whole health system and a reduction in the use of the system overall. The awareness of loving and caring for self within the system is being modelled for others by your beautiful self Eunice, thank you for that. The increased power of healing also encouraged from within your patients is also such an amazing gift, one they will know and never forget. Let’s see more of this.

307. I love that this article is written by someone who was not at all the ‘touchy feely’ type. Yet she has come a full 180 degrees to realise that the work hard play hard life just doesn’t work. It is simply common sense to listen to your body and to care for it, so you have the capacity to care for others.

308. An awesome blog Eunice, overflowing with wisdom. How amazing would it be if humanity understood that the intelligence of the body totally outweighs the intelligence of the mind? And if we were taught from an early age to listen to what our body is saying, and then to act on it knowing that our body is our responsibility, would no doubt reduce the demand for hospital beds, shorten those ever lengthening surgical waiting lists and our amazing doctors would actually have the time to truly be with their patients. But the starting point that is needed right now for doctors, and all medical professionals, is for them to be taught that: “To provide true care for another we must first provide that care in equal measure to ourselves.”

309. Thank you Eunice this blog is GOLD! I particularly loved the last line of absolute truth “to know what true care is, it must be lived by oneself and then it becomes but a natural expression of who one is and an equality of care is then delivered to all.”

310. Our health system is often geared to getting people well enough to return to the work force regardless of the stimulants and medications used. As you say Eunice, feelings are “negatively associated with the so-called ’emotional person’ or someone being too ‘touchy feely'”.
     Feelings have become a luxury that the overworked hardened medical person is not trained or able to hear. I think it’s beautiful that you ask the patients “how are you feeling?” and speak directly to the patient’s body intelligence so as to “know what is going on for them and their wellbeing.”

311. I work in a hospital and take part in ward rounds. When patients are asked how they feel on ward rounds I often get the sense that the people asking them don’t really want to know. It’s like a fear comes in around what if they say something we can’t handle. The patients notice it too and often discuss it later with the nurse looking after them.

     You are correct in saying that as a society we do indeed shy away from really revealing what we feel. I used to hold what I was feeling very close to my chest so to speak for fear of getting hurt.

     I love what you have said about caring for yourself first and then its natural to bring that care for another. This needs to be part of all doctors, nurses and allied health professionals core curriculum. In fact it needs to be a foundation in any course.

312. Thank you Eunice for your article. It’s great to read about self care as, something that sounds simple can also feel tricky to know where or how to start. I love how you shared that “To provide true care for another we must first provide that care in equal measure to ourselves”
     This I agree with as I have found, particularly working as a nurse, that self care becomes such an important part of my day, in order to provide a foundation to support myself (eg: not finishing my shift feeling exhausted) and equally provide quality care to patients.

313. The body just knows stuff the mind can’t hope to understand, but its the body that has to live with the choices, ideals and beliefs of the mind.

314. I’m taking this line with me : ‘to know what true care is, it must be lived by oneself and then it becomes but a natural expression of who one is and an equality of care is then delivered to all.’
     BOOM! Enough said. Thank you Eunice!

315. Feeling is second nature to us; however there are so many ways we can block these out. They are constantly there to remind us of what does and doesn’t feel true. This could be our very first lesson in school – about the fact that we are feeling all of the time. Imagine how different medicine, learning, business and everything else might be if we returned to our heart and our feelings.

316. This is beautiful Eunice. It brings up for me many occasions when I have been to a doctor in the past and thought “I can’t trust this persons advice”. It didn’t take much to see and feel the disregard they lived in and it was hard for me to then trust their advice for my own wellbeing. It put me off visiting the doctor and I moved into a space where I would google my symptoms and try to diagnose myself!

317. Reading your words Eunice I got a strong sense of how utterly bizarre it is for us to go through life feeling everything that is happening around us, but never to explore or say what we can sense. It’s like a conversation that is continually happening that we choose to ignore. I was just reflecting how my body and I used not to talk, in fact you could say I was its enemy! It feels awesome to be in touch again with what my body is telling me. Like close friends.

318. I loved your sentence “true intelligence is embodied and feelings are the conveyors of that intelligence”. It is very powerful and I think it should be in preface of every medicine book. Thank you, Eunice.

319. Explained in such detail it really is a no-brainer that caring for self must come before even attempting to care for others; if not, where is the quality of care going to be coming from, what could it possibly be based on?

320. So simple is the statement that we must care for ourselves before we can truly care for another. Yet the absolute miraculousness of watching this science unfold within our own lives is priceless. One very simple example is the fact that anyone who comes to visit me can only be offered the healthy choices of food I have available within my home! It is, sadly, obvious within our society (at this point in time) that deep self care is not the norm and there is a call for people (within all fields of work/life) to stand up and claim a self-loving life!

321. Eunice you have bought up a great point in how society still associates the word “feeling” with an emotional tag. The power in the words: “Feelings are the conveyers of intelligence” speaks volumes of how we still allow our head to over ride what the body is feeling, hence the emotional tag.

     1. I agree that society does seem to associate the word feeling with emotions. Whenever someone said feelings, I would be hearing emotions, so the difference between emotions and feelings was confused for me. This was made worse by having learnt to close down feelings mentally from an early age. So I am still learning that feelings are often subtle and fine, and I can easily override them, but in truth they are my body’s way of communicating with me, and listening to their messages is getting to truly know myself – a delightful and ever unfolding process.

        1. Beautifully expressed Josephine. What a WORLD of difference it would make if were simply taught at an early age the difference between feeling and emotion. We would learn how the latter can incarcerate us and prevent us from truly getting to know the ‘often subtle and fine’ feelings that can only support our self development and our relationships.

        2. Absolutely Bernadette, I remember as a very small child practising facial expressions in the mirror of anger or crossness, as a kind of game not thinking that what started out that way would turn into something pernicious that I became identified with. I’ve seen other children doing the same. It certainly would be very evolving for us all if we taught children about the perniciousness of emotions and confirmed their feelings, by encouraging them to express them. They would very quickly catch on and learn the difference.

322. Love your blog Eunice. As you say when we start to self care we have to actually take stock of our own feelings and maybe that’s why it’s been easier in the past to care for other’s first. Our bodies have so much true intelligence to offer us, thank you for sharing.

323. I was always fed the line “mind over matter”, meaning I could achieve marvellous things if I learnt to ignore the body. Alas, whilst I achieved much as a result of this philosophy, I also received chronic fatigue as the end result of the way I used to ignore my body. There is no doubt we can naturally work hard, and the body can deliver, but never when we do so at the expense of the body. And I have found that the only way to learn this is to start feeling what our body needs, not thinking what we want it to do.
     Great Blog.

324. This is a very insightful blog – as a psychologist, whose business is people’s thoughts and feelings, I found these observations very accurate!

325. Beautiful, Eunice. It is so ironic how doctors are trained and often then continue to live in such massive disregard of their own body and with extreme lack of self-care. Powerful to read your words as a doctor encouraging us all – based on how you live – to live in a way that is caring for ourselves first so that we can truly and naturally express that care for all.

     1. Yes – Eunice is an anomaly and a shining light on the hospital ward. It is remarkable what you point out Deborah, the irony of doctors and I also add nurses trained in health care are not looking after their own health. In the medical profession they only know too well the pain and suffering of illness, disease, injury and surgery, add to that the pain and suffering of the supportive family and friends, add to that the number of preventable lifestyle diseases and alcohol induced hospitalizations that are seen and still we have health care workers neglecting their own health. As Eunice writes there is trauma, exhaustion and a hardening to cope which becomes a hardening towards oneself. Eunice – you start this blog with the perfect question to counter hardening -‘how are you feeling?’

326. I can second Eunice’s emphasis on the importance of feeling. I too grew up in a culture in which feelings were irrelevant and were to be intentionally repressed and not expressed. However, I have learnt that this just leads to feelings building up and building up, until they have nowhere to go, and at this point they start to spill over into life, causing emotional upheaval and making it hard to function ‘normally’. What I have found is that the far more healthy and responsible option is to express how I feel. This is not an overly-sentimental way of living, as expressing how we feel can always be guided by a sense of the appropriate time and place in which to express it; however, I have found that living in this way – whereby I express what I feel as and when I feel it is important to do so – makes my life far easier, less overwhelming, and just generally a lot more pleasant!

327. “It always seemed easier to care for others than it did for myself and indeed some would consider putting others before oneself is the way to live.” These 2 lines are huge. Why do we find it easier to look after others first? Because if we start to care for ourselves, we have to face how we truly are FEELING. And this can be very confronting to some. For me, self-care has been an on-going thing and keeping a good balance between how I feel and what needs to be done in this temporal world.

328. well said Shirley-Ann – there is such a difference, also I find the more open I am with my responses about how I am the other person I am talking with opens up more and it’s less of the ‘I’m fine’ or ‘ok’ to instead share how we are actually each feeling.

329. Great how you bring to our attention that ,as a doctor doing her rounds, you ask “how are you feeling?” We must ask people “how are you?” sometimes many times a day – and yet there is such an emphasis on thinking and knowledge as you so well point out.
     Feelings are definitely felt in the body, sometimes even the whole body, giving us a clue as to how integral they are to our well-being. Becoming more aware of our feelings allows us the opportunity to be more honest with ourselves as to what is really happening for us; from there we can FEEL what truly supports us and make wiser choices that can lead to more joy in our lives.

330. What a truly beautiful blog honouring our feelings and ourselves, transformational thank you Eunice so simple and so true. The real honouring and care for oursleves and listening to ourself first allows us to be this with others and provides the reflection and knowing this is the true way to be.

331. Great article Eunice. I was always very quick to ask others ‘How are you feeling?’ but rarely considered it relevant to ask myself the same question. Asking myself the question requires an honesty that at first was very exposing but shows very clearly the choices I make for myself.

     1. I agree Mary, sometimes being asked what I am feeling feels like being a rabbit caught in a car’s headlights. After a lifetime of not expressing what I am feeling, it can be both exposing and not always easy to find the right words to express. But it is so worth making the effort and the sense of self-love that comes from being able to truthfully express my feelings is gorgeous and my body loves it!

        1. I so love what you have written here Josephine. I too know the feeling of being a rabbit caught in the headlights of a car. I love how you have expressed how much your body loves you expressing your truth. This is something that I am discovering for myself and it feels exquisite.

        2. Exactly Lee, the expansion and fullness is a joy to feel as is the confirming strength of my being.

332. I feel like you have really laid down a beautiful blueprint for everyone in the medical field (and all others for that matter) to follow as a guideline in their service. For as you say, how can a doctor suggest to their patient that they limit eating certain foods, not drink alcohol, get plenty of rest, etc. if they are not doing the same themselves. The system of education and training in the medical field is obviously in need of complete revamping as it goes against every tenant of sound healthy lifestyle to promote good health. You are obviously leading the way to these changes Eunice.

     1. I agree – this is a blueprint for anyone in any profession, or in fact for everyone – full stop. Regardless of whether or not we are actively engaged in care of another, we are by default, engaged in societies and communities of people and thereby constantly involved in relationships with others (from our partners and families, to the checkout assistant, to the hairdresser, to the person we pass on the street).
        I heard that a very wise man (Albert Einstein) said ‘Everything is energy’ and heard another very wise man (Serge Benhayon) add to that ‘And everything is because of energy’. So how we are with ourselves does not only affect us, it affects everyone and everything else. When we care for ourselves, we are taking responsibility for this fact and for how we are in the world, and with amazing benefits I might add!

333. Great blog Eunice – every first year medical student should read this! It’s true that embedded in our language is the importance of listening to and feeling feelings but somehow that has got corrupted into listening to thoughts instead.

     1. So true, it should be a seminal medical school text! Fantastic blog Eunice, your observations on life are spot on and totally my own experience too. So much attention is put on what we think, what we do, our intelligence and the intelligence of our bodies and how we really feel is ignored, or held second to what we think. Yet my experience shows me that my body has wisdom far beyond my mind.

        1. I fully agree Andrew and Meg, it should indeed be in every medical school text book, plus taught at school to everyone! Everyone going onto being a human being should understand that: ‘To provide true care for another we must first provide that care in equal measure to ourselves’. We all deep down love and care for others and want the best for others but so often forget about ourselves meaning the care we give to others falls short of what it could be and what we want it to be – so instead of getting frustrated as I did in the past we can actually take responsibility, care for ourselves and then bring this same level of care to everyone we meet. And EVERYONE benefits!

        2. Very true – that needs to be a slogan!!

334. Thank you for this great blog Eunice. I have always been someone who looked after others before myself, it has taken me awhile to let go of this and the false sense of duty attached. I felt how tainted this type of giving and caring was as it in truth places another as less thinking that you know what’s best . Apart from the arrogance of this it left me completely depleted. As I now build love and true care in all aspects of my life I have let go of the need to fix and help others in the same way. I now know that living love in my own life reflects out to all and offers support and true care without even trying.

335. More and more people these days are listening and acting upon feelings, let’s watch this progress until it is the norm.(Might take a while but thats the way it’s going)

336. Awesome sharing, Eunice. For me stands out: ‘I have found that the ability to truly care for myself is something that deepens the more I live it and that there is much more to it than I ever imagined.’ I have learnt: self-care is a forever deepening process and to be able to self-care I have to be in contact with my body else I cannot feel what I need. When I don’t care for myself that is mostly because I avoid awareness on something that is going on and me not wanting to take responsibility for the choices I made.

337. It is the easiest and the hardest thing to do to ignore how we are feeling. Using food, busyness, mental distraction and the numerous ways to ignore the body that is screaming out comes easily and effects the body enormously, often resulting in illness. In my own experience, by living in a way that is caring for myself, without trying to be a goody goody, is the only thing that has allowed me to start listening to the ways that the body communicates and as you say Eunice, the intelligence of the body is remarkable and works in a different way to the knowledge gathering result driven mind.

338. A beautiful blog, highlighting how the body has it’s own intelligence .We can choose to access this intelligence by becoming aware of all of what we are feeling. This allows us to receive a true picture of what is going on for us and also what our body is experiencing health wise… A valuable wisdom that would supports us on our journey through life.

339. This is gorgeous Eunice. “Whilst thoughts may appear to arise in the mind, feelings come from the body and are the language of the intelligence of the body.” This is so clear and honouring of the body.

340. A great example of how important it is to be aware of our feelings and our bodies. Especially compared to the importance we currently place on intelligence, knowledge and the mind.

341. A great and much needed article, the subject of honouring our feelings, looking after ourselves, so we can then truly be there for another.
     ‘To provide true care for another we must first provide that care in equal measure to ourselves’ and also, ‘to know what true care is, it must be lived by oneself and then it becomes but a natural expression of who one is and an equality of care is then delivered to all’. Beautifully expressed, and so important.

     1. I agree that last sentence of Eunice’s article was so clear and strong.

342. An interesting point you mention Eunice. Yes I had never thought about it but doctors do tend to ask “how are you feeling?” and yet feelings are not valued at all by the medical profession! A sign of how far medicine has drifted away from its early roots.

343. Great article Eunice. I too have found the simple truth that the more I care for myself the more I am able to care for myself and others. My life has become much more fun and I no longer feel exhausted. Sometimes physically tired but not exhausted.

344. I Love what you say Eunice that to truly self care the person has to live that self care so it becomes a natural expression. I have found in my life recently that people from all walks of life listen when I speak about something that I live everyday – for example when I say why I go to bed early and the benefits and the knock on effect like I no longer crave sugary foods because my body feels rested and is no longer exhausted. What you say makes sense and I am living proof that you are right here.

345. How we are feeling is present in every moment, its omnipresent, how we respond to that omnipresence is our choice, we can tune in to the feelings that are always there, or we can check out and pretend they don’t exist. I am always amazed when I look back on a day and tune into the feelings I have overridden, the feeling of breaking that pattern is one to behold.

346. Hi Eunice – I’ve just realised how often I say: “how are you DOING”! Oops! “How are you feeling” is so much more me these days, I will make a start in breaking that autopilot question….

347. Love this all over again Eunice. It really is so silly we know in us that true intelligence is from the body, when as you show doctors on rounds always ask ‘how are you feeling’ not what you think; so we know the body is the one that tells us. Yet somehow we divorce that from how we live, we get in touch with the body when it breaks down, when it ‘forces’ us to look and we want to have it fixed asap so we can go back to ignoring it – madness. And of course in that we put huge pressure on medics to come up with solutions for us – we want to be taken care of, but we don’t want to truly live in a way that is true self care each and every day and we have created educational and medical systems, life indeed which reflect that. But of course it can’t work, how can I care for another if I don’t care for myself, I don’t know what I’m talking about really if I don’t live it, and the thing is I’m lying if I say to someone to take care and I don’t do it myself – If I truly believed it I would live it. And yet we live lives that actively encourage this, and we wonder why there are so many people getting ill. It’s wonderful to feel how you’ve introduced and lived true care for yourself and the fact that in doing so you’re a true inspiration to those you meet each day on your rounds. That’s how we change things, each and every one of us taking those steps for us. It’s a sometimes challenging but beautiful, forever unfolding journey, but absolutely worth it.

348. Eunice it’s really interesting to see just how much of our day/week and life is not really sharing or expressing what we are feeling but rather what we think or do. The whole part of us that was alive as children is ignored and put away – no wonder we miss it. The simple question “how are you feeling” is one that I find challenging and whilst I am much better at answering it still shows me that it’s not the normal way I express each day. It’s great that all the people you meet get the opportunity to share how they truly feel at that time.

349. Wow written with such wisdom – I would love you to be my doctor.

350. A beautiful, clear and concise blog Eunice and I can relate to what you say here –
     “It always seemed easier to care for others than it did for myself and indeed some would consider putting others before oneself is the way to live. Alas, that does not lead to true care, for to know what true care is, it must be lived by oneself and then it becomes but a natural expression of who one is and an equality of care is then delivered to all”

351. Thank you Eunice for this amazing blog. It really hits home that we are of no true service to another if we do not have a foundation of self-care for ourselves first. There is no other way round it, and it is beautiful to hear how you are a living testament to this.

352. Whilst reading your blog it comes across clearly how you have been caring for yourself and that this is then transferred over into your job. Isn’t this the quality of care that is missing from the medical profession and could revolutionise medicine as we know it. I have met many genuinely caring nurses and doctors who would bring so much more to the profession if the system was not working against them.

353. Thanks Eunice, what you’ve said here about self-care should be on the core curriculum for all medical students and everyone really. And, the observation you made about when you want to know what’s going on for your patients you ask them how they are feeling not what are they thinking is such a great example of how we do know that our feelings valuable and come from the intelligence of the body.

354. I had not noticed the fact that we ask “how are you feeling?”, and the implications of that in medicine – if how we feel gives us an indication of our health, why is this not explored further? But not just looking at how you feel when an illness makes you, but as often in a day as you can, looking at how different situations and people made you feel, because the more aware you are of your feelings, the more you can stop full blown reactions and get a better understand of how you are as a person in the world. The more familiar you are with yourself, the quicker you can catch when something isn’t right. But if we live locked in our mind our whole life, only ever emerging when the body breaks down, and only long enough to fix it, then it is no wonder we have the illness and disease rates that we do.

355. Thanks Eunice there is true wisdom in your blog. As a child I was totally taught to lock away my feelings and told I was too sensitive. This was just the way it was for everybody .
     How can anyone expect to care for another properly if they are run down, exhausted or emotionally not right. Caring for self and self love is essential in life and making sure that self dedication keeps growing and doesn’t stagnate.

356. Thank you Eunice for showing the importance and impact on others of how we care for ourselves. I was someone who put myself last much of the time but when I came to Universal Medicine I learned about caring myself and putting myself equal with others this has made such a difference to how I now live my life.

357. I’ve just come back to this blog Eunice, there’s so much in it to feel. Putting myself above all else is a very current theme for me and proving really difficult! It goes against all I’ve ever been taught from parents, school, uni and all of my employment. I’m currently working with a team however who are aligned to putting themselves first, being in harmony with each other in doing so and by working in this way they are quite simply feeling what needs to be done rather than stressing about all that needs to be done, forsaking themselves which ultimately, actually results in not a lot getting done! It’s such a loop hole! I’m learning to trust in this feeling process and let go of my head trying so very hard to control everything…

358. Such a lovely exploration here of what true care can be be for ourselves and for others.
     Wow – was I the ‘nice’ girl who would always put others before myself! And as you say here – care for others comes from a lived-care for yourself. How simple is that!!!!
     And how very backwards I had it.

359. Love this writing and how you expose the ridiculousness of only honouring the mind and how we actually know this is not true because as you say we ask “how are you feeling” not “what are you thinking”. Tis a funny game but so insidious and starts very very young the focus on what we can achieve academically. I realised I placed so much emphasis on the mind and intelligence from the mind above that of what I felt, it has taken a long time to turn that tide around to really start to trust my feelings over what I can see or think I know. But it is worth turning the boat around because feeling what you feel leads to so much more than the mind can ever deliver – like love, feeling you are love.

     1. Vanessa, you make such a great point here about having the commitment to re-building a relationship with yourself based on how you feel. Because even though making these changes can be a bit rocky at times, it is totally worth it.

360. When someone does truly care for themselves it is felt by others, as I have been inspired from my experiences with Universal Medicine. My experience with some medical professionals (Who were at the time showing signs of ill health themselves) giving me advice on how to best care for myself has not made me feel as inspired. I have found that by feeling I can make choices and changes to my health for the better as opposed to going along with where I think I am – That I am healthy and nothing is wrong with me despite the constant pains my body feels.

     1. Love it Leigh – it’s so true, if you are told by a doctor who smells like cigarette smoke to stop smoking, it would not be very inspiring!

361. I agree Rosanna, when we listen to our feelings we are being truly intelligent… How often though, do we ignore what we feel and override these feelings from the mind? This doesn’t relate to medicine, but in all walks of life. Perhaps this needs to be a subject in the school curriculum! Can you imagine grades being given on the intelligence of feeling? “You get an A grade today because you honoured what you felt!” That would really turn the curriculum upside down, inside out and back to front wouldn’t it? Perhaps it could be said though, that the current curriculum is the one upside down, inside out and back to front and is out of step with the real truth of our natural and true intelligence! Perhaps it could also be said that the ENTIRE WAY we live is upside down, inside out and back to front and contra to the natural way we were born to live with but lost from about the age of three up. We are definitely living out of kilter and are out of step with our natural rhythms. Coming back to how the body feels does feel like the step needed to restore homeostasis.

362. I love this Eunice; “True intelligence is embodied and feelings are the conveyors of that intelligence”. Therefore when we listen to our feelings we are being truly intelligent.

     1. Yes, I love this too Rosanna, ‘True intelligence is embodied and feelings are the conveyors of that intelligence’. It is then up to us to honour those feelings, that is an intelligent choice.

     2. Me too Rosanna! If we all begun to live this way – our wholes lives would change.

363. Hi Eunice, there are so many great points that you make here. My father was a consultant psychiatrist and back in the 1970s he was saying back then that it was crazy that nutrition wasn’t even considered as part of medical training. How can it not matter what you put into your body? Where is the intelligence in that? I guess that little has changed with regards to this and the understanding that you can only care for another if you care for yourself is so obvious and yet not fully understood, if understood at all, by the medical profession. Your willingness to state these things from within the profession is an inspiration.

364. Hi Eunice, I really love the part about you asking people how they feel. It is such a direct and straight forward question that, especially when asked by you, inspires such honesty.

365. Eunice, I so love the clarity with which you write. This clearly comes from the fact that you walk the talk. I love how you have explained that the natural language a doctor uses with a patent is “how are you feeling?”, that this is an intelligence that needs to be recognised and is totally valid and of equal, if not of more worth, than “what are you thinking?” That when we connect with these feelings they can support us in understanding our choices, why we make them and how we can change them so we can feel connected and more vital in a world that is forever with its intensity pulling us out.

366. Hi Eunice, I love the feeling of honesty which comes across in your blog it has a very gentle but no nonsense feel how you have expressed the changes you have made in your own life, living those changes and how you then can relate to patients from this new more loving way of living.

367. Thank you Eunice this is fantastic I have loved hearing how you have learnt to take better care of yourself and therefore your patients too. You bring to light what is really going on in the sentence “Medical training itself is a good way to learn how to ignore and over-ride one’s feelings” This is quite ironic when we know that overriding ones feelings and self medicating is a sure fast way to illness and disease. With more and more doctors suffering from depression and with very high suicide rates in the profession your article highlights the very much needed self care option. This is clearly an option that no one can not afford to avoid.

     1. I am blown away by the level of dedication and commitment by doctors and nursing staff and the absolute care that is shown. It makes sense doesn’t it that as doctors are in the field of taking care of others then it is imperative they take care of themselves, because if they don’t what quality are they in when they are with patents? I am left questioning, what support does the medical profession really have to cope with the demands on them… where in the system are they nurtured and supported?

     2. Very well said, self care among doctors (and anyone for that matter!) is an option that we definitely cannot afford to avoid. It makes sense, to work hard, you need to be deeply caring for yourself.

        1. So true Meg, as soon as I stop looking after myself people around me suffer too. With this awareness I am more likely to take good care as I know that by resting, eating, and exercising in a way that nourishes me I am able to be a good support for those around me. I have also noticed that when I look after myself this inspires others to take care of them selves too.

        2. I agree, it’s like the foundation you need to be able to support people, and without doubt when I stop caring for myself people around me suffer, and not only that, when I stop caring for myself it’s like it lessens my self worth barometer and an influx of incredibly negative thoughts can enter!

368. Indeed great blog Eunice. Recently I have been exploring how I express and through this I have been reminded a lot about the difference between living it truly and just saying that I do. It’s been amazing to feel the difference, and If I am feeling the difference then I have to stop and appreciate just how much everyone else will be feeling the difference also. The way you describe your responsibility to yourself as your starting block in caring for others is awesome, truly inspirational. I love reading your blogs.

369. Eunice you hit the nail on the head! I feel like a reversing boat when it comes to caring for myself before others, but I’m getting there. The more awareness I develop to how much I actually do this, the more big and small opportunities present themselves for me to choose to put me first.

370. Great blog Eunice and it got me pondering how often we ask others ‘How are you’ only to get a version of how they Truly are. It’s as you say feelings are often dismissed and are not given the importance they deserve and the answer we give is often the one we ‘think’ we should give. It’s like an inbuilt feeling filtering device that gets rehashed in our minds and comes out as a version but not the full True picture.

371. Beautifully expressed Eunice thank you for your sharing and “How are you feeling? ”
     Is so much an important question in our lives in every moment with everything – and the way we live caring for ourselves and sharing this with others.

372. It would be a real sea change wouldn’t it if we were to give understanding to the “feeling realm within medicine.” and not only in medicine but in “all aspects of life?”

373. Thank you Eunice, I would always dislike being asked how “How are you feeling?” as it meant I had to actually say what is going on! And there are so many things that I thought were part of me – that in fact are far from that. So that one question which asks me to open up, to be honest and be truthful would often stop me in my tracks. There is a hesitation within me to say how I really feel.. something I am working on being more open about.

374. Just the title alone is enough – asking ‘How are you feeling?’ Has so much depth. Much more than just ‘How are you?’

375. I love that Eunice, that to know what true self care it must be lived by oneself. So so true.

376. This is a great article Eunice, thank you. It makes complete sense that ‘to provide true care for another we must first provide that care in equal measure to ourselves.’

377. I remember clearly the first time I flew on a plane and heard the oxygen mask announcement with the instruction that those who were travelling with children should put their own mask on first. I was shocked, felt sure they must have made a mistake. Everything I had been taught until then was to put others first irrespective of the effect on me…that was the role of women.

     Thank you for highlighting the responsibility we have to ensure our own supply of oxygen, as it were.

378. I love this Eunice, you have broken down so clearly how we view thoughts and feelings. Feelings are easily dismissed as being wishy washy and a poor relation to thinking, when in fact true intelligence comes from our feelings, and our ability to express and live from that basis.

379. Such a simple question Eunice, “How do you feel” and one we often avoid. I love how you distinguish feeling and thinking and yes we really do give precedence to the second, but actually it’s the first, feeling which truly supports us. And of course how can we truly care for another if we don’t care for us – what quality is there and why would we treat ourselves as less than another, crazy isn’t it. I love how you’ve broken it all down so simply, thank you a seriously awesome blog.

380. Great blog Eunice, amazing to reflect how many ways I have in the past been there for others – but not myself. Ouch.

381. Beautiful Eunice, so eloquent and insightful. How amazing to be able to find a way to dismantle all the beliefs, stress and trauma evidently involved in your medical training to find You again! And to realise that caring for yourself is an essential part of your professional life is so uplifting to read. You have much to offer your colleagues and profession and may they heed your wise words, which come from your lived experiences rather than un-embodied knowledge. Thank you.

382. Stunning.

383. Great blog, Eunice, exposing the way we were trained to over-ride our own feelings, and how we thought this was good, but it was hurting us, and everyone else. And by learning to honour those feelings again, we can learn to care for ourselves, and to truly care for others.

     1. Well said Anne “learning to honour those feelings again” it’s beautiful to read that as it takes away the pressure of having to get somewhere – just re-connect to the feelings we in the past would already have honoured.

     2. Well said Anne – what inspirational doctors you both are.

384. Awesome blog Eunice, I loved reading it. I have been asking myself ‘How do you feel’ and it’s been a revelation – I did not use to ask me such simple question or allow myself to express its answer. I love the part ‘to know what true care is, it must be lived by oneself and then it becomes but a natural expression of who one is and an equality of care is then delivered to all.’ So true.

     1. Your comment Priscila, led me to ponder, How often do I ask myself ‘how are you today? It’s something I have asked more of others in the past, but now it seems quite clear that it’s the first question to ask myself each morning.

        1. It feels so different saying it aloud to myself, “How are you today?” and encourages me to really take notice of how I am feeling, and then I know I am truly there in myself, present and alive. Thank you Priscila and Catherine.

385. “to know what true care is, it must be lived by oneself and then it becomes but a natural expression of who one is and an equality of care is then delivered to all.” What a true statement.Thank you Eunice for so clearly expressing the importance of feelings and to honour them.

386. Well said Eunice. As you rightly say we have to live it ourselves for it to become a natural expression of who we are.

387. So true Eunice I can relate as a child never being asked what my feelings were and I learnt to bottle them up. Medicine is still not there, it asks us what we think and works on facts but not what we are feeling. It changes the whole understanding of something when we are asked to feel.

     1. Yes. I find that when I am asked what I am feeling, it offers me a moment to stop and be honest. The response is most often very different to the one I would have given without that pause.

388. I agree Eunice to care for others we first have to care for ourselves, from my observations if we choose to share ideas/knowledge with other without having first lived it ourselves it comes across as “blah blah blah”, there is no substance.

389. You have summed up everything each of us requires so we can live our lives to the full, Eunice, no matter how we utilise our time each day.

     A great prescription for all I feel:
     *Listen to and honour our own feelings about how we feel
     *Be aware of when we are over-working and becoming exhausted.
     *Take the time to get a good night’s sleep
     *Eat healthy nourishing food
     *Be emotionally aware so that we are not dumping our undealt with anger /rage /
     aggression /sadness etc on those around us
     The choice is now up to each and every one of us to decide whether we live this or not….

     1. My Goodness so simply stated but oh so true Judy. Your words have woken me up! Thank you.

     2. This is great Judy and Mary, so simple and so true.

     3. Such obvious common sense to me now and yet for years I didn’t live that! I love Eunice’s point in that we ask each other – not just her patients – “how are you feeling?” Not how are you thinking……And to truly care for another ” it must be lived by oneself and then it becomes but a natural expression of who one is and an equality of care is then delivered to all”. How many of is do/did this? Very few I suspect until coming to the wisdom of Universal Medicine. I certainly didn’t – especially so as a single mother.

     4. Love your prescription Judy, I’ll keep that on repeat, thank you.

     5. Great prescription Judy. One I choose to take daily! don’t always get it right, especially the overwork/exhaustion, but every day is a new opportunity.

390. I love the fact that you learned to not use anger against another!
     I work in an environment where very few have this awareness or choose to exercise it.
     How refreshing for your patients that you don’t bring all your ‘stuff ‘ to the bedside when they are vulnerable and need the best possible care from you

Comments are closed.