Healing my Separation to Humanity through Illness

By Susan Evans, Student, Mullumbimby NSW

A year ago I was diagnosed with lung cancer. Initially I was very shocked, as over the last 5 years I have made many lifestyle changes and have been living in a much more healthy way and was beginning to nurture and care for myself on a much deeper level.

Over time, I came to a deep acceptance and understanding that this was a culmination of the poor choices I had made, as a result of holding on to and not dealing with my hurts for the past 54 years of my life. It was not easy at first to let go of the habits and choices I had become accustomed to, but little by little, my connection to my body deepened and I began making more loving choices. I realised that this diagnosis was going to be an opportunity for me to clear all that was no longer a part of me.

The prognosis was positive as the cancer was caught early, but I was advised it would involve major surgery to remove one third of my lung.

When I first arrived at hospital, the outpouring of love and support from family and friends at first was so overwhelming it felt like a dam had burst and I was being assailed from all quarters. I had this intense feeling of being buoyed up, of being held. My body felt alive, making me realise how much love there truly is in the world and how I am a part of that and it felt so beautiful.

I came to see that I had been living in judgement of people because of the choices they were making so I had shut down to others, separated myself and in that arrogance had deprived myself of the love on offer from them. In turn, I had deprived people of the love that I am.

Why did I separate myself from others?

Fear of being hurt, feeling not worthy, not good enough, comparing myself to others, looking for perfection in myself and in those around me, and the fear of being disappointed in this, were some of the reasons. In the days leading up to surgery I had time to reflect on these revelations and what became glaringly obvious was that I had shut God out and had given up! I had only been seeing and feeling all that was not love. In those first couple of days I started to feel all that was love and how I was an integral part of humanity. As this occurred, I could feel my connection to God deepen.

After surgery, I chose to truly honour myself and graciously accept all that was on offer for me to deeply heal. This was something I had never done before, as I had always been strongly independent and had always struggled to accept help. I made a conscious choice that whatever I needed to support my body through this time – be it food, pain relief or help to move – I would ask for it and I did not hold back. The nursing staff, medical professionals, orderlies, kitchen staff and cleaners were all so beautifully loving, attentive, gentle and caring. It showed me that when I truly reflect and honour the beautiful, loving and amazing beings that we are, that is what comes back to me.

What was really beautiful was the connection I made with everyone that came to my room. It was like there was space for each of them to express what was going on in their lives and so they talked about their families, issues and problems and what made them happy. I experienced a feeling of interconnectedness with everyone that made me feel truly joyful.

Having the cancer removed felt like a plug had been pulled out and I could really feel the beauty in humanity, this strong feeling of brotherhood, and an equalness with all in our divine connection to God.

This experience has changed me. I had much time during my recovery to reflect on, face, and clear so many of my hurts. I still have many to deal with, but what is most important to me is that neither I, nor we, are alone in this journey.

I have a deeper acceptance and love for myself and for those around me, and am now clearly seeing how we are all a part of God’s Divine Plan.

All of this would not have been possible without the love and support of Serge Benhayon and the dedicated practitioners and medical professionals who practise the teachings of Universal Medicine. I am in deep appreciation of them all.

Read more:

  1. Your body and disease – what does it all mean?
  2. I have a disease – can I feel well?  
  3. A deeper look at asthma – why is it that we can’t breathe? 

711 thoughts on “Healing my Separation to Humanity through Illness

  1. It makes sense that when we give up on life and people, that we tend to focus on everything that supports that choice, and in those moments be inundated with seeing and feeling all the seeming evidence of what is not love in the world. I love however that your illness offered you the blessing of showering you with love so that you could reflect on the truth you had been ignoring and begin to see and feel the love and connection you were denying.

  2. ‘I realised that this diagnosis was going to be an opportunity for me to clear all that was no longer a part of me.’ Illness is often an opportunity to reflect on our past choices and to feel how some of our choices have not been supportive of ourselves or others, and everyday is a great opportunity to reimprint our lives in a far more loving way.

  3. An inspiring account of how by deepening your connection with yourself and opening up to a greater understanding of your illness you took the opportunity to clear and discard from your body all that did not belong or truly support you and allow yourself to go to a deeper level of healing.

  4. ‘I came to see that I had been living in judgement of people because of the choices they were making so I had shut down to others, separated myself and in that arrogance had deprived myself of the love on offer from them. In turn, I had deprived people of the love that I am.’ I have come to realise that holding judgement over another means I am not choosing to have understanding of others, I do not seek a true connection or relationship with them so therefore keep them and inevitably myself at arms length. It feels like an arrogant excuse to not let the real me be seen.

  5. “Having the cancer removed felt like a plug had been pulled out and I could really feel the beauty in humanity, this strong feeling of brotherhood, and an equalness with all in our divine connection to God.” I too experienced this after surgery for cancer – and a feeling of exquisite tenderness and openness for everyone. This was a new marker for me. An inspiring sharing, thankyou Susan.

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