Healing my Separation to Humanity through Illness

By Susan Evans, Student, Mullumbimby NSW

A year ago I was diagnosed with lung cancer. Initially I was very shocked, as over the last 5 years I have made many lifestyle changes and have been living in a much more healthy way and was beginning to nurture and care for myself on a much deeper level.

Over time, I came to a deep acceptance and understanding that this was a culmination of the poor choices I had made, as a result of holding on to and not dealing with my hurts for the past 54 years of my life. It was not easy at first to let go of the habits and choices I had become accustomed to, but little by little, my connection to my body deepened and I began making more loving choices. I realised that this diagnosis was going to be an opportunity for me to clear all that was no longer a part of me.

The prognosis was positive as the cancer was caught early, but I was advised it would involve major surgery to remove one third of my lung.

When I first arrived at hospital, the outpouring of love and support from family and friends at first was so overwhelming it felt like a dam had burst and I was being assailed from all quarters. I had this intense feeling of being buoyed up, of being held. My body felt alive, making me realise how much love there truly is in the world and how I am a part of that and it felt so beautiful.

I came to see that I had been living in judgement of people because of the choices they were making so I had shut down to others, separated myself and in that arrogance had deprived myself of the love on offer from them. In turn, I had deprived people of the love that I am.

Why did I separate myself from others?

Fear of being hurt, feeling not worthy, not good enough, comparing myself to others, looking for perfection in myself and in those around me, and the fear of being disappointed in this, were some of the reasons. In the days leading up to surgery I had time to reflect on these revelations and what became glaringly obvious was that I had shut God out and had given up! I had only been seeing and feeling all that was not love. In those first couple of days I started to feel all that was love and how I was an integral part of humanity. As this occurred, I could feel my connection to God deepen.

After surgery, I chose to truly honour myself and graciously accept all that was on offer for me to deeply heal. This was something I had never done before, as I had always been strongly independent and had always struggled to accept help. I made a conscious choice that whatever I needed to support my body through this time – be it food, pain relief or help to move – I would ask for it and I did not hold back. The nursing staff, medical professionals, orderlies, kitchen staff and cleaners were all so beautifully loving, attentive, gentle and caring. It showed me that when I truly reflect and honour the beautiful, loving and amazing beings that we are, that is what comes back to me.

What was really beautiful was the connection I made with everyone that came to my room. It was like there was space for each of them to express what was going on in their lives and so they talked about their families, issues and problems and what made them happy. I experienced a feeling of interconnectedness with everyone that made me feel truly joyful.

Having the cancer removed felt like a plug had been pulled out and I could really feel the beauty in humanity, this strong feeling of brotherhood, and an equalness with all in our divine connection to God.

This experience has changed me. I had much time during my recovery to reflect on, face, and clear so many of my hurts. I still have many to deal with, but what is most important to me is that neither I, nor we, are alone in this journey.

I have a deeper acceptance and love for myself and for those around me, and am now clearly seeing how we are all a part of God’s Divine Plan.

All of this would not have been possible without the love and support of Serge Benhayon and the dedicated practitioners and medical professionals who practise the teachings of Universal Medicine. I am in deep appreciation of them all.

Read more:

  1. Your body and disease – what does it all mean?
  2. I have a disease – can I feel well?  
  3. A deeper look at asthma – why is it that we can’t breathe? 

697 thoughts on “Healing my Separation to Humanity through Illness

  1. ‘what is most important to me is that neither I, nor we, are alone in this journey.’ This really stood out for me Susan as I can still get caught in an old way of ‘going it alone’ instead of asking for support. Your blog has inspired me to watch out for these moments of self sabotage and be open to all the support on offer around me.

    1. Jane I also loved reading this part as it has been something that I’ve been allowing myself to feel more and more over the past couple of months, we are never alone – there is always those walking with and besides us there with eternal support. Yet we can choose to block us feeling them or allow the support both physical and non physical. As I’ve opened up to this I’ve felt a vast change in my body and in the way I approach life.

  2. “Initially I was very shocked, as over the last 5 years I have made many lifestyle changes and have been living in a much more healthy way and was beginning to nurture and care for myself on a much deeper level.” This reminds me of having the feeling that if we live healthy it can feel like we have done something wrong when we become ill. Yet it does not work like that because our body does not ‘punish us’ or ‘reward us’ but what it does is give us opportunities to heal issues, hurts that are still kept in our bodies. Looking at it like this makes a disease a bit more welcome than seeing it as a punishment.

  3. Thank you for sharing Susan, you have taken your experience of major illness to a far deeper level in the wisdom, understanding and love you now accept for yourself and the opportunity that was offered for you to let go of the hurts that got in the way of you being yourself. A beautiful reflection of what is possible when we connect and live from the love we are within.

  4. Susan we are often told that it can take a big wake up call, a medical scare or traumatic accident for us to truly change out lives. And as you share today “I have a deeper acceptance and love for myself and for those around me, and am now clearly seeing how we are all a part of God’s Divine Plan”. I heard from a doctor that only a tiny amount of people sustain the changes in lifestyle that would support them after getting sick – you’ve shown that lifestyle is far more than what we eat or exercise we do but the quality we are in with everything.

    1. That is an interesting point MA, but how big a point do doctors make about the importance of changing lifestyle and maintaining those changes. I feel there is still further the medical profession could go with highlighting the importance of lifestyle choices for our health given that it is now accepted that lifestyle accounts for more than 50% of illness and disease. Of course I realise that they are mostly in overwhelm trying to deal with the volume of illness we are bringing to them with very little time for each patient.

  5. Separating or isolating oneself from humanity goes against our nature, as we are in essence social beings. When hurt, fear, or comparison get the better of us we think its ok to withdraw but if these things are not dealt with and cleared they manifest in the body as illness and disease.

  6. My take away from your blog Sue is a reminder to allow God, into my day, honour the magic that is present in every moment as part of the plan we are all connected to. Accepting and appreciating this is our natural way, to just be.

  7. Wow Susan – most people would find the removal of part of their lung a horrific ordeal yet you have embraced humanity and this process in full. I love feeling your joy, openess and acceptance.

  8. Susan, once we realise, as you did, that disease and illness is a ‘culmination of the poor choices I had made’, then we do not give our power to the illness or to anyone we think might fix us. We are able to then begin the steps to heal by facing and clearing our hurts.

  9. We think we are protecting ourselves by separating from life but, as you came to realise Susan, you had in fact ‘shut God out and had given up’. In such a state we can only feel ‘all that was not love’ and thus we feel lonely, misunderstood, and not good enough and we create circumstances that confirm this belief. Illness and disease offer a stop in this momentum which breaks the vicious cycle we are trapped in and offers us an opportunity to make different choices.

  10. We build protection around us for various reasons, ‘Fear of being hurt, feeling not worthy, not good enough, comparing myself to others, looking for perfection in myself and in those around me, and the fear of being disappointed in this’, but it is never the answer.

  11. Thank you, in reading this blog it became very clear to me how certain behaviours can appear to protect us and yet, in truth, what they do is compound the problem for we are shutting ourselves off from a part of life, which we can never truly do.

  12. “In the days leading up to surgery I had time to reflect on these revelations and what became glaringly obvious was that I had shut God out and had given up! I had only been seeing and feeling all that was not love. In those first couple of days I started to feel all that was love and how I was an integral part of humanity. As this occurred, I could feel my connection to God deepen.” So. clearly, illness and disease is actually our friend and not our foe as most people tend to believe.

  13. This is beautiful to read Susan how you allowed yourself to open up and let others in, let them love you, and yourself to love them, and you, also. The belief that we have to do it all on our own can be so ingrained and entrenched it feels impossible to let go of – until we realise that it’s only us holding onto this belief that is perpetuating it. Life is so rich, so full of joy and connection when we give ourselves permission to start to open up, let go of the protection and feel it all.

  14. While you were in hospital recovering from surgery the love and joy you felt in the connection to others brought a deep healing to you and all those who were caring for you.

  15. Susan it’s fantastic that you embraced this major illness for the deep healing it was offering, your connection to God and part of humanity. Protection can seem safe but it is isolating and disconnecting, I have found this from my own past choices.

  16. ‘Having the cancer removed felt like a plug had been pulled out and I could really feel the beauty in humanity, this strong feeling of brotherhood, and an equalness with all in our divine connection to God.’
    A deep and beautiful healing Susan. Thank you for sharing with us.

  17. it is amazing how a serious illness or life changing event can be an opportunity to stop and re-evaluate everything in our lives and for us to realise how our life long behaviours have been harming both ourselves and all others as well. It was lovely to read how your illness led you to let go of the cage of protection you had built around yourself and allowed you to truly connect to others.

  18. ‘I realised that this diagnosis was going to be an opportunity for me to clear all that was no longer a part of me.’ Your willingness to take responsibility for all your choices in life and to let go of what was not love is huge and must have been deeply healing for all who were supporting you.

  19. ‘This experience has changed me. I had much time during my recovery to reflect on, face, and clear so many of my hurts. I still have many to deal with, but what is most important to me is that neither I, nor we, are alone in this journey.’ Susan thank you for sharing your experience, and to understanding that Universal Medicine are always there to help us see our old choices and the consequences more clearly is very supportive.

  20. Reading this reminded me of something similar I experienced, being recently ill I had coming at me from every angle love and support like I never imagined was possible, and I feel now it’s for me to keep reminding myself that that support is in my life through connecting to others and firstly to myself, my body, my essence and to my feelings.

  21. It’s amazing how when we stop and allow ourselves to feel and see the beauty in others, it changes how we are together, there is an openness, a willingness to see and be with each other; it’s like we suddenly see them, and the beauty they are. And when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable with others then we see how amazing people are and how much we all can offer each other, we let each other in. Thank you Susan for sharing your experience of surrender to being loved and held by others.

  22. ‘I realised that this diagnosis was going to be an opportunity for me to clear all that was no longer a part of me.’ Approaching illness and disease in this way is deeply loving and a path for true healing.

  23. ‘My body felt alive, making me realise how much love there truly is in the world and how I am a part of that and it felt so beautiful.’ What an amazing way to approach impending and serious surgery. What you have shared Susan hands-down trumps the ‘fight the cancer’ stories that are so prevalent today. Your story is one of surrender and grace, and I feel it would have been the same had your prognosis been different.

  24. I love how the body’s wisdom in showing us through illness and disease our choices in life and in embracing it as you have done, the profound changes we can make.

  25. I agree Susan that the choices and habits that we have lived with for so long can be very hard to break and it is often only when faced with a life threatening illness or disease that we take the time to examine what part they actually play in our lives. Over time they have been woven into the fabric of our lives so we don’t question whether they are truly serving us or not, until we are stopped in our tracks. How wonderful that you have taken the healing opportunity that you have been offered and instead of returning to the way you were living you have chosen to open yourself up to what life is truly all about; connection to others and connection to God.

  26. It is great to read that you have opened up to humanity, and that you can see how and why you got the lung cancer in the first place. How many of us look at illness and disease in this way, and see it as a healing. Awesome.

  27. It is interesting how the choice to separate from ourselves allows in so much fear and self-doubt. I love how you opened up to accept the loving support of everyone around you at a time you most needed it and even more that you knew that your illness was an opportunity to clear all that felt no longer a part of you, a discarding of what had amassed from past unloving choices, to deeply heal yourself.

  28. ‘I had much time during my recovery to reflect on, face, and clear so many of my hurts.’ It seems to me that this is a crucial part of healing for us all when we are ill.

  29. To even put judgement on others over anything is basically a refusal to look at one’s own part in something.
    It does create huge separation from others and the truth.
    “I came to see that I had been living in judgement of people because of the choices they were making so I had shut down to others, separated myself and in that arrogance had deprived myself of the love on offer from them. In turn, I had deprived people of the love that I am”.

  30. “what is most important to me is that neither I, nor we, are alone in this journey.’ Recently, going through some difficult situations I feel blessed that support has come from many different angles. Being in appreciation of this seems to invite yet more awareness of how much we are held in an energy that is Divine.

  31. Susan, I can relate to this; ‘I had only been seeing and feeling all that was not love.’ Recently I let go of the judgement that I was holding against my family, and instead appreciated and loved them, this has been amazing and allowed me to see how beautiful they truly are, I can feel how I was so focussed on the what was not love that I was blind to the beauty that was there all along.

  32. Our bodies can never lie. It cannot live separated with humanity when the truth is we are connected. But we try and so hard we try. We use so much energy to live in a way that is unnatural and damaging and causes disease in our bodies. Sometimes we fulfil the picture of a life obeying God, but there is no God within our movements, there is no God in our expressions, so our words are empty and our lives do not emanate the quality of Love. But our bodies are simply always loving and its every movement is to bring us deeper into this realisation and clearing to return to what is true.

  33. The title of your blog is a great one to ponder on. How this turns around what could be experienced as being the victim of an illness or disease when really it is a message/offering from the bodies wisdom to look at how we are living or have lived that is causing the disharmony and separation.. resulting in ill health.

  34. ‘Having the cancer removed felt like a plug had been pulled out and I could really feel the beauty in humanity, this strong feeling of brotherhood, and an equalness with all in our divine connection to God’ – Often illness is seen as a punishment, a condemning or smack for not being ‘good’ but as you have shared Susan, illness can bring about the truly deep healing of the ‘whole’ being. This is a beautiful and honest account of opening up to life, allowing yourself to breathe in the whole of life and to release all that you have been holding back. This is truly inspiring Susan, thank you.

  35. We are yet to fully embrace the fact that our bodies constantly respond to the choices we are making, and as such reflect if our choices are healing or harming. In disregarding the communication shared from our bodies, we become desensitised to the effects our choices are having until such time illness or disease physically stop us in our tracks. Who needs scientific proof that we are Souls held within a body, when the evidence is available, tangible and can be witnessed every day through how our bodies respond when we live in connection to and guided by the loving quality of our essence within.

  36. What you share here is enormous Susan. When illness strikes we often feel defeated and then start fighting, but you allowed yourself to be open to look at the why and work with your body and yourself and truly heal.

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