by Jane Torvaney, Physiotherapist, Scotland
Within my work as a physiotherapist, I assess and treat women who have what is termed ‘urinary dysfunction’. Most often this means that the women have either stress incontinence (leakage of urine when the body is under stress e.g. coughing, sneezing or running), urge incontinence (a sudden and strong need to urinate) or a mixture of both.
As part of the training to more fully support women who have urinary dysfunction, physiotherapists can attend a course to be taught how to perform a vaginal examination. This allows us to measure the strength, tone, laxity, coordination and connective tissues of the pelvic floor muscles and gives women a reference point to feel the contraction of their pelvic floor muscles from within.
Knowing that on this course I would be trained in vaginal examination and then taking it back to carry out with women, sent me in a spin and raised the following questions for me to consider.
Is it a necessary part of the assessment?
Would I be able to carry it out in a way that honoured the woman and her body in the delicateness that is innate in us all?
How would women feel about having such an assessment?
Why do I feel so anxious about learning this procedure?
I pondered over why this had created such a stir in my own body. I had been on many courses, learned many new techniques and none of them had affected me like this. I realised the answer came from my own experience of having vaginal examinations. As a 56 year old mother of two, I have had many vaginal examinations over the years and as I looked back I could see that there were vast differences in how those had felt.
Sometimes the experience felt painful, embarrassing, and imposing. On more than one occasion I felt like a walking vagina with no sense of the doctor recognising that there was a body attached to the area he was examining.
On other occasions, I felt rushed to the point that I felt like I was on a conveyor belt expecting the nurse to call ‘next’ before I had even lowered my legs.
There were other less rushed, more gentle and connecting times and interestingly they have been my more recent experiences.
The common theme running throughout however, was that I would be encouraged by the practitioner to disconnect from the examination itself. They would use such phrases as ‘leave your dignity outside the door with your shoes and pick it up afterwards’ or ‘imagine you are on holiday on a warm beach with a cocktail in your hand’ or ‘let’s get this over with as quickly as possible so you can get back to your life’.
Not even once had I been encouraged to be an active part of the examination, to stay fully present and feel my body in its innate loveliness.
I wondered why this was the case. Perhaps we have been encouraged to do this because the practitioners themselves use that same way to avoid feeling their own discomfort during this examination? Perhaps the male practitioner is uncomfortable examining a woman in such an intimate area. Perhaps the female practitioner is uncomfortable with this area of her own body? Perhaps they are embarrassed? There could be a wide number of reasons for why they may not want to feel this area – relating not just to their own physical body, but how they feel about women, their sexuality and sexual history, relationships etc. Also, what if they were examining a woman who was in her power and sacredness (although most of us are not), what reflection would this offer to her or him?
Vaginal examinations have been taught and carried out in a way to prevent women connecting to their sacredness. At best, they are carried out gently, without harming or causing pain and they may encourage women to connect to the function of their pelvic floor, yet it is my experience that even then, they are still so far from the truth of supporting women in these moments to connect to and feel in any depth, this sacred area of their body.
Could it be down to simple economics of supply and demand and that it is the women attending appointments who expect and demand the examination to be hurried and over as quickly as possible?
Could it be that many if not most women hold in this area some hardness, numbness and protection of how they have lived and what has happened to this area of their body? If they were to feel this area, they might feel the disregard of riding a bike long distances and the ache it caused, putting up with or encouraging rough sex, unwanted sexual advances whether consensual or non-consensual, or perhaps difficulties with child birth. There is much stored in this area of the body and there could be many reasons why women do not want to feel what is there.
Having completed the course and brought the examination into my physiotherapy practice I have found what has supported my patients most has been to connect with them first, encourage them to play an active role in the assessment and to stay present and with their body throughout the examination. When this happens not only do they become aware of their pelvic floor and how it feels, it offers space for a much deeper connection to this precious area of their body that goes far beyond the basic functioning of the pelvic floor muscles and surrounding tissue.
I have healed too. When I attend my routine smear test now it is not with a sense of foreboding but with a deep knowing that I can choose to stay connected to my body and to express at any time what I am feeling and what I need. Each examination I either give or receive is an opportunity for me too, to connect deeply with my own body and its innate sacredness. There is never a rush or a sense of urgency to get it over with, but an understanding that within the space I can hold myself and others with love.
For underneath the hurt, the numbness and the hardness is our innate divine sacredness, untouched by what has happened to us in life. And no matter our choices of the past there is a very real steady delicate innermost that we can reconnect to at any time.
So, could it be we are missing a key opportunity in feeling what is there to be felt in our bodies? How would it be if we walked into our appointment knowing that our bodies are delicate, responsive, super-sensitive and sacred, and that we can connect to and stay with how our body feels during the examination, asking that the practitioner takes time and is very gentle and not being afraid to express if something he/she does feels anything less than honouring of you?
This would be a beautiful opportunity to heal and re-imprint how we have been treated in the past, to honour the Divine woman we are now, and to offer that reflection and inspiration to the practitioner, and to all of us.
Read more:
Medicine and Serge Benhayon 
I have often thought that we are all walking heads. We go through life life like disembodied heads, living from the neck up but in actual fact not even feeling our necks! Chitter chatter heads, rabbiting on from the moment we gain consciousness in the morning to the moment we fall into unconsciousness at night and for many of us through the night as well. Dialogues on repeat, stressful re-plays, fretful anticipation all burrowing away in our heads and we walk around with this pretty much all of the time, which is partly why we’re all so desperate to check out any way we can. The antidote is to practice dropping into the body, every time we realise that we’ve got caught again in the head, to simply just drop whatever the thoughts are right there and then and to FEEL the body. And it doesn’t matter what we feel; the trick is just to feel what’s there to be felt.
One of the worst things we have associated with our reproductive organs is shame – as if there is something dirty, unclean, or out of order about our bodies. I have to say that for me a lot of that has come through religious consciousness, as well as the sexualisation / pornification of the body, which is the total opposite of what you have presented here Jane about the vagina being an equally precious and sacred part of the body – thank you, much appreciate your blog on the topic.
I have often thought that there are so many really horrible words that are used to describe the most intimate parts of both a woman and a man’s body. So many of our most offensive words are words that describe an intimate body part. The thing is we use these words without considering the energetic effect of them. It would feel so completely different if we only ever used words to describe these areas that were truly honouring of them.
Great point Alexis on how we can degrade ourselves and others bodies by using words that are not respectful or honouring. We are also judging people and not truly expressing what it is that we are reacting to, or hurt by, with degrading labels.
Jane I really appreciate this conversation just to be able to read and connect to what everyone is sharing that as a society we seem to be in total disregard of the sacredness that’s is in all of us. While we live in the disregard to our sensitivity and preciousness it’s then possible to abuse ourselves and others.
Reflecting on vaginal examination has asked me to deepen and full acknowledge the sacredness and divinity of myself as a woman, it feels like the ‘allowed’ disregard is being exposed and I am being given the opportunity to be stripped bare and heal what is there to be healed. Thank you Jane for bringing us to this ‘point’ of honouring ourselves by honouring yourself in your own deep process of reflection.
Love the way you expressed Jane, with so much respect and care. Like someone who has returned to feel her innate delicateness and now come back to gently open a door, an invitation for all women to walk honouring the same quality within themselves.
This blog is for me a great reminder about the sacredness we hold inside as women. Something I was not aware of before. Just letting in your words brings me back to feel my pelvic floor and womb again, parts of my body that I may check-out from easily. Thank you for inviting us to feel again, with no judgment, the deep disregard we have allowed and all the layers to suppress the enormous beauty we already are from within.
The pressure to not feel the sacredness within our bodies starts at a very young age as most people are not living from their sacredness so there is no one to reflect what it is like to live from this delicateness. Thankfully there are now people who are deeply sacred and share this way of being with everyone. I have a friend who is so sacred that to be with her is just to be in silence as I have found it possible not to say anything and yet we are in constant communication via an energetic dialogue that is beyond anything I have experienced at any other time in my life. This way of living cuts out all the chitter chatter in our mind and brings everything back to a simplicity which is so enriching for our bodies to bathe in.
The first time I heard about sacredness, there was a clear knowing that this was in my body, but I was really disconnected from it. Coming back to that knowingness and with an ongoing and ever deepening patience, I’m reconnecting to this very powerful and extremely delicate area.
Reading your blog, Jane, is a healing for me, in which I can access new layers and allow myself to feel the pulse of sacredness within again, not avoiding the feeling of abusive imprints I have allowed there, but observing, understanding, releasing them and bringing now the greatest amount of love there, to honour it and be able to fully live this precious fragility I embody in this life.
We have failed ourselves as women because we do not treat ourselves with delicateness, we learn from an early age to toughen up. Growing up as a child I learnt very quickly I was living in a man’s world, and to be a girl was to be a ‘sissy’ and as I did not want to be a ‘sissy’ I toughened up and acted as a hard and tough boy. I’m sure I wasn’t the only one to do this as a way of survival. So to know that underneath the hardness and the hurt is my divine sacredness untouched and unsullied and all we have to do is reconnect to it. And now we have the support to do this.
Within each woman is a Divinenss that is innately sensitive and delicate and you have captured the essence that women hold in their body knowing that this is untouched and sacred. ‘For underneath the hurt, the numbness and the hardness is our innate divine sacredness, untouched by what has happened to us in life.’
Nothing can touch God, the word ‘almighty’ comes to mind. God in His absolute magnificence can’t be altered at all, not even close and as we are Him then yes it’s true that our original nature remains intact even through are most horrendous traumas.
Dear Jane- what a beautiful healing experience and blessing it will be for every woman you get to assist with bladder incontinence, to help them reconnect to their divine sacredness. Your tender loving care will be felt during the vaginal examination putting them at ease and giving them an opportunity to heal the hurts buried in this area. This is so needed in the healing profession.
When we bring loving care to any part of life we can bring healing to others, it’s such a great purpose to wake up with every day knowing we can support others by living connected to our Soul.
How amazing is it Jane that you have learnt how assess the pelvic region and can bring your qualities of self love to each woman who has this procedure. To bring much needed tenderness to a woman by treating her with deep respect is something that is sorely lacking in our society.
Our lives are spent coming up with more advanced Houdini escape acts, when if we just stop, accept and surrender to how delicate and aware we truly are – we have everything we need.
I agree with you Joseph. It seems to me we have disconnected from our delicateness and sensitivity, and this process starts when we are young. I was introduced to a small boy of 6 recently and noticed how hard he was, he had already built a fortress around himself; it’s as though we encourage children to toughen up because life is going to be hard and full of injustice. But we have all had a hand in building the society we live in, so I wonder why we have done this to ourselves, why have we cut ourselves off from our delicateness and sensitivity?
It is a real set up isn’t it, because by allowing children to harden we create another generation that will not easily be able to respond to what they’re sensitivity innately shares as not correct or true in this world, and without true change we are allowing cycles to repeat that do not serve us at all.
So many of us woman have abused our own vaginas. The rough and thoughtless application of tampons, leaving tampons in for too long, getting tampons stuck, vaginal infections, consenting to aggressive penetration either with someone’s fingers, penis or other objects. Writing this has brought up for the first time ever the abuse that I have allowed of the most precious part of my body and there is a deep sadness that has come up with it.
It’s not possible for a practitioner, a doctor, a nurse or a carer to treat their client or patient in a way that they have not first felt in their own body. Jane you are able to honour the sacredness of another woman’s body because you have felt that sacredness in your own body. We can’t learn these things from a book they have to be lived to be known. Sure we can teach that a woman’s body has to be respected but it is only when something is registered by the body that it’s truly known, otherwise it comes partly empty, it’s the understanding of the body that brings the fullness.
Thanks Jane, if such examinations of the vagina are unavoidable, like Pap smears, et al, and knowing how sacred and sensitive our reproductive area is, then the way both we and medical professionals approach it needs to be as equally sensitive and respectful. I feel the approach of both patient and practitioner working together equally involved is a good one. Thank you for leading the way with this.
Thank you for writing this article Jane. In a few hundred words you have supported me to consider seriously having a smear test. The only one I have ever had was in my early 20s and it was so traumatic and painful for me I vowed I would never have another one. That was nearly 30 years ago. ‘When I attend my routine smear test now it is not with a sense of foreboding but with a deep knowing that I can choose to stay connected to my body and to express at any time what I am feeling and what I need.’
A very beautiful blog, Jane. So very tender and respectful. Thankyou.
It was beautiful reading this article to be reminded of just how precious we are. Most of us haven’t been taught to honour our bodies in the way you describe Jane, but there is no doubt there is so much more to us and our bodies than just the functionality we have come to accept. Thank you for bringing this to our attention!
A beautiful, sensitive piece of writing, Jane. Thankyou so much.
It is noteworthy that we are being encouraged to disengage from what might physically be unpleasant, painful or, in a different context, downright abusive. Does this disengagement not condone the status quo, for ourselves and future generations of women?
I love how you question this Gabriele. I concur completely.
And I do love how Jane introduces so many women to the delicateness, sacredness and intimacy of their own bodies, but it also left me wondering about the abusive behaviours of the Systems and Practitioners – a fact so beautifully illustrated by Jane in her opening comments about how we feel imposed on, rushed, embarrassed, uncomfortable, fearful…
In the past I have been subjected to mental, physical and sexual abuse: and the smear tests for me have always felt to sit within this bracket of behaviour.
To begin with the “apparatus” was stainless steel – cold, clanky and hard, which later morphed into a nylony plasticy affair… Sometimes all that would separate us from the public would be a curtain and a nurse.
Often it really did feel like a conveyor belt – just another woman with her knees up and a vagina!
Where is the courtesy and respect in this? Where is the decency and appreciation for invading one of our most intimate areas and the most sacred of organs – for invasion is how it feels?
I have rarely relaxed on one of those treatment tables, despite how much more appreciative and gentle the nurse may be. I feel my previous hurts and brace myself in protection for the expected discomfort.
As for whether or not smear tests are needed; this remains an unanswered question? But they are currently part of the women’s health regimen imposed on us by the medical profession.
And are these examinations actually causing us damage – are they the only real way of testing for cervical cancer?
I can’t answer these; but surely we can question the brutishness and lack of dignity of these procedures?
And in doing so, should we not also ponder on the attitude we take with us, first in accepting our appointment and in preparing ourselves for it – for we are not those DEMANDING “a quick, let’s get this over with as soon as possible” type of medical examination, in probably the most vulnerable, delicate and fragile areas of our bodies?
Are not the practitioners and nurses, merely SUPPLYING what we are demanding?
Maybe, as Jane suggests, if we were to actively engage with our nurse more truthfully and express our fragility and vulnerabily; and behave more respectfully and lovingly towards our bodies as we prepare for the procedure, we would be allowing the nurse to become more of the sacred woman she too is; and be more able to appreciate the sacredness which she is about to investigate?
Maybe the responsibility is ours to start demanding greater respect and decency for what is basically, the most sacred of regions in any of our bodies, because once the demand reaches a certain level, the suppliers soon catch on?
Super gorgeous and revealing article. Something that I can certainly relate to as well. I can certainly relate to being disconnected from this part of my body and share the experience of anyone performing vaginal examinations being hard and rough at times. I can see that me wanting over and done with asap was me saying ‘do what you have to do.’…How often have I said that without any consideration to that very delicate and precious part of me. I am certainly considering much more deeply on how I have been living and what I have been willing to accept. Huge thanks Jane.
Thank you Jane. I can feel the tenderness and respect you hold a woman in when treating her and honouring your equal divine sacredness.
Jane you are bringing multidimensionality into what for many is a routine and more often than not uncomfortable procedure. That my friend is pure gold.
Pure gold indeed Alexis and Jane. Our preciousness is everything. It is the doorway into the depths of our being and our vagina cervix and uterus are a sacred symbol of this truth. Beautifully written Jane and a wonderful invitation for us all to deeply appreciate our reconnection to the sacred beings we truly are.
We are indeed sacred beings who have strayed so far from our inherent sacredness and preciousness.
Jane I absolutely love what you have shared here and yet know that for most women the possibility of connecting to our sacredness is a very abstract concept. I recently went for a routine pap smear. After the pap smear I felt the doctor’s fingers inside my vagina as she prodded around, her other hand pressing firmly on my belly and her saying as she was conducting the examination ‘I’ll just give you a little internal examination’ and although I know that this is standard practice, the fact that I wasn’t prepared caused me to feel violated but the ridiculous thing is I said nothing and so I didn’t provide the opportunity for change.
Reading your article Jane made be ponder on my many experiences of vaginal examinations. Like you some gentle others not so and agree that it was a procedure to get done and dusted ASAP.
No taking time for honouring such an intimate and sacred area or connecting with the woman. On one occasion many many years ago I had an IUD taken out or shall i say it felt ripped out. I was in shock. Could not say a word. The doctor left and I appreciate I was with a caring nurse who had also observed the procedure. I felt such dishonouring, judged by the doctor for even asking for the device to be taken out, was tearful and it felt like my uterus went into a contraction – like childbirth.
Thankfully on other occasions I have expressed that I would like the examination to be gentle and have sought out doctors and nurses who have a reputation for that.
Appreciate your blog and bringing a much needed awareness to the honouring of the Sacredness of us as woman, our delicacy and fragility and ultimately our strength.