by Susan Lee, UK.
I recently became aware of how stubborn I can be – I have always known it, but this time I felt it at a deeper level. A week or so after this awareness I became constipated.
A few days later I noticed some blood along with my faeces – twice this occurred before I took action. As I am writing this I can see how deep-rooted this stubbornness is and how it has become part of my day-to-day living. I will not listen to my body giving me signs that everything is not OK until the last minute.
My first appointment with my local General Practitioner was great – he gave me an internal examination and the time spent with him felt as though he was a deeply caring man. He found nothing conclusive and referred me to my local hospital.
My next appointment was quite a different experience and, in retrospect, I realized I had not been taking the events seriously. I can now see, in hindsight, that I did not wish to even contemplate that I may have colon cancer, as this would mean that I would need to start taking responsibility for how I have lived my life. For many years now it has made sense to me that illness didn’t just happen to me, and that the way I responded to stress somehow harmed my body.
On meeting the surgeon I felt uncomfortable and unable to connect and open up to him. His manner was polite and brief, but he was not communicative and seemed unwilling to make eye contact. It felt difficult to relax and ask questions. The nurse took me into a side room and told me to ‘pop down my pants and trousers.’ When I went to take off my boots she suggested that I leave them on. I complied with her instructions although everything in my body was telling me differently. I felt very demeaned by the whole experience – as though I was not worthy of the time to prepare myself in a way that would have supported me to feel comfortable and safe in what felt like an invasive procedure. (This felt a bit like having sex in the back of a car – uncomfortable and rushed).
I came away with a clear understanding of how easily I complied with other people’s suggestions and did not say what felt comfortable for me and what did not. I allowed them to set the ground rules of what was to be the examination of my colon. This situation allowed me to see that this is how I have lived my life – allowing others to set the ground rules, so that I could then hold on to resentment that I have not been treated properly.
This visit led to another internal examination and a scope was inserted into the lower part of my colon.
A couple of weeks later I was called back to have a full colonoscopy and my heart sank when I saw that the letter had come from the same surgeon. In the meantime I spoke to a couple of friends who had undergone a colonoscopy and this helped me to gain some insight and practical information concerning the procedure. I realised that if I was to meet the same surgeon it was my responsibility to change this meeting into a different, more pleasant and loving experience. Maybe this was an opportunity to shift some of my stubbornness? Also, not to hold onto the resentment of the previous meeting.
I allowed myself to be driven to the hospital by a friend (having initially brushed aside her offer because ‘I didn’t want to be too much trouble’). As I am writing this blog I am starting to see how I allow stubbornness to come between me and making life simple and feeling the beauty of allowing others to support me. It was so lovely to have her support, and it allowed me to approach the procedure in quite a different way. I felt more open to what was about to happen. I approached the meeting in a way that felt as though I was embracing the examination rather than seeing it as something I needed to endure. (Another old pattern showing me the way I approach life.)
On arrival I was greeted and felt welcome and much more at ease than on my previous visit to the hospital. The nurse who explained what was to happen was open and lovely. In the past I have always shrunken away from anything too ‘bloody and messy’ and was amazed to find myself engaging with the nurse and the wonderful charts that were up on the wall. I did this because I thought: ‘after all, it is my body that is about to be invaded.’ Having a scope inserted into your anus is one of the most invasive procedures that I could have imagined, but here was I asking to be shown the exact journey of the scope.
The nurse was most reassuring that the team were there to support me and make everything as comfortable as possible. She also added that the doctor was lovely – and he was. This time it was a different person. However, I feel that because I was starting to let go of my stubbornness and realising that I may have misjudged the first surgeon – that maybe he was not being uncommunicative but that I was not allowing people into my life – this experience was going to be quite different. I was now more open to allowing things to take their natural course. It felt more lovely than I would have realised to at last be seeing that I could be wrong and to not be a victim of circumstances.
I decided that as I wished to watch the examination on the screen and be able to remember the details afterwards that I would choose to have gas and air rather than sedation. It was reassuring that if I was uncomfortable they could stop at any time and that I would still be able to have sedation. I explained to the doctor that I wished to watch everything and they adjusted the screen and table.
Was this really me asking for support? It felt a little surreal. I had a ‘good view’ and while I was watching the screen they slipped the scope inside quite effortlessly and from then on I was totally absorbed and fascinated that as I lay on the table I was seeing inside my body. I could vaguely feel the scope but what I was seeing was my beauty-full colon. It was wonderful to see the formation and how it functioned, the colour and the texture – and how healthy it looked.
It was quite unlike any other experience I have ever had – it took my breath away. It truly gave me a whole new insight into my body and how it works, and I now feel I have a far more intimate relationship with my colon and with what I put into it – to more deeply honour and respect it. I am so grateful that I was given this opportunity and I have learned so much more about myself through the entire process.
Some weeks have passed and I was starting to realise, after having sessions with an esoteric practitioner, that constipation is something that I have been avoiding dealing with since the age of twelve. It is only now, at the age of sixty-seven, that I am willing to start looking at my behaviour and patterns that I have held onto for the last fifty-five years.
In the past I have considered constipation as an annoying occurrence and totally ignored my body telling me that there is something in my life that is not quite right – that my body does not enjoy having all this waste product lingering around and polluting it. Would I leave rotting rubbish hanging around in my home? No way. Yet, I stubbornly hung on to my way of dealing with the problem, which never solved it. It just meant I did not have to admit that everything was not OK – I could go on pretending to the world that I was this healthy woman!
I am starting to see that my stubbornness is about me holding on to the way ‘I have always done things’ and how I think life should be and that this arrogance does not serve or support me being who I truly am. This feels to be much the same as my colon holding on to all the rubbish from my body rather than letting it go and allowing my body to flow – when I am stubborn I can feel my whole body contract. Apparently, there are two sphincter muscles in the rectum that deal with clearing the faeces from the body, the internal sphincter that is controlled by the autonomic response (over which we have no control) and the external sphincter, which is under the control of our will. It is no wonder I am constipated when I stubbornly hold on to ‘my way’ of living life.
I am now beginning to realize that the way I have lived life is not that of a healthy woman but a woman who has struggled through life stubbornly not listening to others in case I may have to look at my part in what goes wrong and take responsibility.
At last I feel I am beginning to grow up and stop running away from life and embrace it. None of this would have been possible without the love and support I have felt from Serge Benhayon, Universal Medicine and all those wonderful practitioners.
When I reach outside of myself I find there is so much support – from my lovely GP, to the doctor in the colonoscopy unit and his team and finally to the support and encouragement I have received in writing this blog.
I do feel blessed.
Medicine and Serge Benhayon 
Wow Susan, life is pure joy when you see the deeper meaning in everything.
It feels so enriching when we allow ourselves the space to go deeper…….and deeper.
This is a brilliant blog on how our bodies are super intelligent and that they are in constant communication with us. We do seem to get fixated by ideals and beliefs of how life should be and become resentful if it doesn’t play out in the way we want it to be. So to turn your life around at the age of sixty seven is proof that it’s never too late to change our ways we don’t have to be stuck in the rut of our own making. By making different choices we can experience a different more enjoyable way of life.
Yesterday I was walking to catch a bus and caught myself in my head having a conversation that was going nowhere. As I became aware of how distracted I had become I decided to connect to my body and have a beautiful conversation with my body asking it how it felt and then listening to the answers that came back. I realise how much I have been missing this intimate and delicate exchange for far too many lives.
Susan reading this sharing, I appreciate the deeper understanding about the colon. Once upon a time, I used to have severe constipation and I couldn’t understand why despite eating high fibre, exercising and drinking plenty of water, it was never enough.
Sometimes we find when a body part doesn’t function how it is meant to, we consider it as a hindrance. And yet, if we really viewed it from a different perspective, it is actually communicating to you.
Even though I haven’t quite mastered it, I am now learning to listen to my body more. And if we really stop to consider what has caused a body part to stop or fail to work effectively, then we know the answer. We can never deny the wisdom of the body, it is forever communicating to you. The question is are we prepared to listen to it…
I so agree Shushila – even now there are times when I choose to not listen – that stubbornness raises up inside me and I forget that I am a divine being with a connection to my soul and I return to being the functioning human being that depends on the mind to lead the way.
What a wonderfull learning ✨When you put it like this ‘Would I leave rotting rubbish hanging around in my home? No way. Yet, I stubbornly hung on to my way of dealing with the problem, which never solved it.’ it’s a no brainer .. we wouldn’t leave rotting rubbish hanging around in our home so why leave it hanging around in our bodies!!! … in things we hold onto that are not who we truly are.
Thank you for the reminder Vicky – I feel I may have cleared out the ‘rotting rubbish’ from the past, however, some more clearing and cleaning is now required as I go deeper and find all those tiny lingerings still hiding away and not wanting to be exposed.
This was such an interesting blog to read Susan. Just the nomination of and being open to the fact that we can be stubborn goes a long way to clearing it.
Susan amazing to hear how blessed you now feel and are no longer running away from life and instead embracing it, very inspiring this honest account. Thank you.
There are many behaviours we take on which are so very draining on bodies, simply because they are usually at odds with the truth of who we are, and stubbornness is definitely one of those. It’s as if we continually have our foot on the brake while trying to drive our vehicle forward; not an easy and harmonious way to live, but still we do it, stubbornly so.
From my own experience I can see that if I go into a medical appointment already in protection mode, just in case there is bad news to come, I am not opening myself up to an honest relationship with the person I am with. And as I am not being open and honest then the chances are, that’s exactly the reflection that will come back to me. Going into any medical appointment, trusting my relationship with my body and the wisdom and knowledge of the practitioner, certainly goes a long way to begin to build a foundation of trust for whatever comes next.
‘Going into any medical appointment, trusting my relationship with my body and the wisdom and knowledge of the practitioner, certainly goes a long way to begin to build a foundation of trust for whatever comes next.’ If this was our common practice we would avoid wasting time and resources – the more direct and clear we are in our expression the greater the healing we are offered not only by the medical profession but directly from God.
Ingrid, your comment is so important, being open, trusting and receptive to another person is part of life. I struggled with vulnerability and still struggle with it from time to time. Being a health professional, once upon a time, I liked being at the projecting end of providing care but not the receiving and one day that needed to change.
We need to embrace vulnerability and when we embrace this, it is a reflection to for another to be this too.
Thank you Ingrid and Shushila – it’s amazing the power we have when we approach life with the humility of being open to learning and letting go.
“allowing others to set the ground rules, so that I could then hold on to resentment that I have not been treated properly.” A great understanding of how we can misinterpret events to fit in with our preconceived beliefs and patterns.
What I can feel from your such honest sharing, Susan, is how being stubborn, sticking with ‘my way’ means refusing to be responsive, and it actually is hard work.
And while I insist on my way I am denying the world of my reflection – when we share ourselves with the rest of humanity we allow them to feel precisely who we are in our essence, and this offers the way to true connection and open heartedness.
Surrender is the key to evolution for there is nothing for us to attain, only much for us to let go of before we can return in full to our true self.
As we surrender to the inevitability of returning to our essence we somehow embrace the whole of humanity – as they are us and we are them.
At times we can find it really hard to let go things and it keeps coming up and we stew over it time and time again. I know when that happens I am totally off track and not willing to learn and be open to my part in the unfolding that we all have.
Stewing over things is the way we have learnt to be in control – when we surrender to the love of God that is holding us we allow our tight grip to let go and the unfolding begins.
I find it incredible how much our body can teach us about how we choose to live – life could be an incredible opportunity if we explore it this way.
And that is the true purpose of our body – to show us the way back to soul.
Yes – far from resenting the body we can see it as the truthful communicator it is in terms of our choices. If we are open to looking at them then our body is our best friend, especially when it starts to break down or give us signs that not all is harmonious.
And as with any friendship the more we nurture it the more loving and tender it becomes.
Agreed. Whilst this is not my every moment experience the more I have connected to my body and accepted my innate delicacy the more I am aware of how delicately and gently my body can move.
Because of your blog I am re-questioning my beliefs of whether they are really true or if I am choosing them because of a certain belief I have taken on.
I can be stubborn when it is my hurts that I hold onto. These views are always distorted, they do not come from love.
Your lovely comment opens me up to feeling how light and loving it is when we let go compared with the heaviness of ‘hanging on’ to these over used patterns that serve no purpose whatsoever except keeping us in our misery.
What jumped out at me while reading this is how we have those moments when we say people were not being open with us but could it be that we were also being the same way and that we get back the reflection we need for us to take more responsibility for ourselves and how we conduct ourselves.
These words also jumped out for me too Julie, as in the past I too would complain that someone wasn’t being open with me. And in many of my medical appointments this was just the case. But in retrospect I can see that I was simply receiving what I was giving out, and that was definitely not all of me. How things have changed, as these days I don’t hold back from the doctor or other medical professionals, and even though they are often startled by what I share I can see that it is helping them to understand me a little bit more, and me them.
Yes, Ingrid I am finding these changes like everything else are bringing a new level of understanding of myself and of others. It feels very magical when we realise that we are part of the equation and when we shift in our perception of another it changes the dynamics of all relationships. The changes we are making may seem tiny – and yet the Universe is aware of every little movement that takes place.
It would be amazing – and yet deep down we know all along what we are doing.
Whatever the situation it is always important to express what we feel, in your example of the nurse suggesting that you don’t take your shoes off, because they believe it is a faster turn around of patients it is also possible that the consultation takes longer because the patient is uncomfortable and if patients took their shoes off the whole process may be quicker and more honouring too.
When we rush ourselves we squeeze the space into a time constraint – when space can offer us so much more.
‘ If something is killing us, how can we consider that is a way of living that has us at its heart? Impossible. All our rights and wrongs simply chain us to misery.’ And yet we continue in our arrogance to feel we know best until we are ready to surrender to the inevitable returning path that we will all tread – the Path of Return.
Susan this is lovely to read again, I enjoyed the openness you had to share about stubbornness because alongside our illnesses we may also feel ashamed or want to hide the parts of our personality that do not come from our true selves (stubbornness included). I found your openness and acceptance about the stubbornness helped me to be more open to connecting to and seeing my own, and as you say stubbornness can prevent us from making new choices and not let go of how we have always done things. Being open to love will always support us to be one to the new. Thank you again.
And thank you Melinda for your beautiful response – it’s interesting for me to read your words as I am feeling another layer of stubbornness surfacing to be healed and let go of, and we always need the reflections of others to support our way back to truly letting go of the past and returning with a new depth of joy for life.
It’s interesting the things we hold on to, thinking that they’re in our ‘best interests’ – when in fact any picture we’re holding on to from our minds is just that – a picture. Our pictures don’t serve us because they’re usually not the reality of what our bodies are actually experiencing.
Understanding that the pictures are not the reality has been a gradual process – as I let go of one picture there is always something new to look at and observe. It feels as though I have used these pictures for many lifetimes to evade the discomfort not realising that the pictures were the problem – not the reality.
So true Doug – and it’s a prison of our own making.
I think it’s brilliant how you reflected on your part in how things went with the consultant, being open to being more aware of how you were approaching the procedures and examinations and how this may have been impacting on your experience.
Yes, Fiona – we can always take things deeper as we learn to understand ourselves with greater humility and let go of the old arrogance and stubbornness that we may have used as a defence in the past. While we are willing to unfold there will always be new opportunities to change and unravel the web that we have woven.
We are good in pretending and fooling ourselves with the idea we are living as a healthy woman, I know I can be stubborn in not always wanting to see my part in certain situations. On the other hand I have experienced the opposite as well, feeling the space and the surrender when I was honest and humble about my part. What I feel is by bringing in ‘right and wrong’ energy, which I have been very good at and is for a great extent causing the struggle, our pride creates the struggle and then the withdrawal in life.
That feels so true Annelies – the struggle is something we have employed to separate ourselves from our essence and as I let go of the need for arrogance the surrender has an opportunity to emerge.
I love the way you describe your journey into this situation. How you realised the uncomfortable way you were treated in the first time and the changes you made in the second one. A beautiful opportunity to re-imprint the whole situation and even the approach of your own life.
Yes, Amparo – to re-imprint old patterns opens up our whole body to a new rhythm.
Our body is always rewarding us with information and if we don’t get complicated with it then we open up and let things go. This is Love in action and our movements become a divine reflection of us letting go of our held beliefs that stick around causing all types of blockages in the body.
Yes, I agree Gill as I become more willing to bow to the wisdom of my body I am seldom if at all led astray.
There was so much I could relate to in this blog, more than I was expecting to! Like letting others set the ground rules so that I can blame them and hold onto resentment rather than setting the rules myself for my own body and being. Thank you for sharing this Susan.
And thank you for your comment Leigh – I know I can discount things sometimes feeling they will not work and with this I am denying the wisdom that is around me in every moment. It’s beautiful to feel the change as we open up to possibilities – I know this has supported me.
I have been one to go it alone through life, rejecting support, feeling that I had to struggle through. As I have grown older and am learning to bring more self care and self love into my life, I am opening up to accept support when needed, I did not realise that there is so much joy and appreciation to be felt by saying yes to being supported.
That’s beautiful – as we age we have more space in our day to open up and feel the wisdom pouring through us – why struggle on alone when together we can change the Universe – no option really?
The stubborness of holding onto the way we do things is something I can relate to, and I have learnt that it stops us opening up to what is next, to the potential of what is being offered to us because we constantly revert back to old ways that no longer serve us.
And why is it that we constantly revert to old ways is something that still puzzles me when I do know that these ‘old ways’ only keep me being stuck and wasting time when I could be so much greater when I open up my body to greater wisdom to yet unfold.
Yes agreed Susan it is like a game we play to keep us small and not step up to the greater responsibility that is being offered to us.
Thank you for your comment Alison – to begin to see life the way it really is and not fool ourselves any more the sooner we will allow ourselves to cease hanging on and disregarding both our own bodies and the greater body we call the Universe – our forever unfolding and unending relationship with our future.
And the more we hold onto this stubbornness the more deep seated it becomes whereas when we open up to the possibility that there maybe another way we come back to the natural flow and release some of the held tension. We physically allow our body to flush out the energetic imprint that has held us captive for so long.
It’s not until we begin to have a true and honouring connection with our body that we begin to understand the joy we have been missing. To truly love ourselves and listen to our body is the most tender and precious relationship that we will have.
Some great points here about what we hold onto – the belief of doing it ‘my way’ and stubbornly holding onto that, so that we don’t have to take what feels like a risk and let others in. When we do finally start letting others in, and letting go of how we think life is or has to be, it’s often very different to how we thought it would be – we learn, deepen and grow, through the reflections that we offer each other, and the realisation that we’re all in this together, and all here to learn.
We do indeed ‘learn, deepen and grow, through the reflections that we offer each other, and the realisation that we’re all in this together, and all here to learn.’ I know that without the reflections of others I would have given up on my body and the nurturing that supports us to expand and understand the fineness of the detail and sensitivity, taking us forever deeper.
I agree – stubbornness is refusal to be open to another way/view. We can be very aware but stubbornness digs its heels in and traps us in the comfort of utter discomfort where we fight against everything that is already moving on, and we think we are buying ourselves time therefore can avoid responsibility, but this manoeuvring is excruciatingly suffocating.
An, yes, I can feel the truth of this Fumiyo – as you say ‘in the comfort of utter discomfort where we fight against everything that is already moving on’ we indulge fooling ourselves, and in this ruse we are also holding back on the whole of humanity.
Hi Susan, our bodies are amazing in their constant communication and how great that you were able to listen and learn from it later in life and let go of the stubbornness. Your blog is a clear reflection of how, when we make changes in ourselves and open ourselves up to others, all our communications change and we feel more supported by everyone around us, and life is then less of a battle.
Yes, and with your words I can feel that opening to surrender……..
“I am now beginning to realize that the way I have lived life is not that of a healthy woman but a woman who has struggled through life stubbornly not listening to others in case I may have to look at my part in what goes wrong and take responsibility.” Love this this is so true and if we could be this honest about how we live, and the lack of willingness to take responsibility for all our choices in life, I feel sure that we would not have all the overwhelming illnesses we have in the world today
What a difference in your experience at the hospital – it is very easy to give our power away to experts who seem to know what they are doing, and in the process we leave our bodies out of it. But what if we took a moment to truly honour what we feel and raise the standards of simply being told what to do?
And in this way we become equal partners in our own health and the quality of our livingness.
How beautiful to change your experience of the examination simply by changing your own attitude to the people involved. Sometimes small changes we make can have a huge impact on many other areas of our lives.
Yes, it’s often by becoming aware of the details and intricacies that we unfold and release old patterns.
Sometimes it is not until something is really uncomfortable that we seek medical advice or assistance, and it is sometime after that we start to work out that it is through the choices we make everyday that either help to heal or harm us and we have a responsibility to let go of all that is not us.
It’s interesting that we treat ourselves – and in particular our body with such disregard – and yet, I am feeling that at last that this is changing as I learn to love and appreciate my body and that my body in return shows it’s own appreciation in return and at times feels so yummy.
” I realised that if I was to meet the same surgeon it was my responsibility to change this meeting into a different, more pleasant and loving experience.” Taking responsibility for all of our experiences is empowering – as you have shown in your blog Susan.
And in reading your comment I can feel that, five years on from writing this blog my approach would be different again as my unfolding openness and transparency brings a greater sense of equality into all of my relationships on a daily basis. The wonderful thing about life is that it is forever expanding and changing.
“I am starting to see that my stubbornness is about me holding onto the way ‘I have always done things’ and how I think life should be and that this arrogance does not serve or support me being who I truly am”. Loved reading your blog today Susan, I have become very aware through my body giving me a big stop, how stubbornness affects not only the flow in my life but the flow for others and just how arrogant stubbornness is. Having had 2 Colonoscopies last year within a few weeks of each other I can feel just how much stubbornness there is for me to let go of.
I love how literally the wisdom of the body speaks. If we are stubborn and will not let go of rigid ideals and beliefs, this will manifest physically as the bowels not letting go of waste. The waste here being all that does not serve our vehicle of expression (physical form) to thrive so this includes both the physical faeces but also the ideals and beliefs that hold us back from living the richness of who we truly are. It seems that we can ignore things at an energetic level but not so when it manifests in the physicality. It is pretty hard to ignore constipation and this can be said also of all illness and disease be that cancer, indigestion, diabetes, influenza etc. This is why it is said and understood esoterically that ‘the body is the marker of all truth’.
It is true what you say Liane, and yet although it is pretty hard to ignore the messages of our body as they become more extreme, we nevertheless still continue to live in a way that totally disregards this innate wisdom with an arrogance that is so far from our natural divine way.
I have had my fair share of colon issues, which have brought me to look at how stubborn I have been in the past. I have lived a long time ignorantly thinking I wasn’t stubborn, then to discover that I had many ideals and beliefs about life that I used to not grow and evolve. Now I’m re-learning a movement in my body that’s about surrender and flow, trust and understanding. Allowing space so I can see what next is on offer instead of trying to control what is never possible to control; life.
‘Now I’m re-learning a movement in my body that’s about surrender and flow, trust and understanding. Allowing space so I can see what next is on offer instead of trying to control what is never possible to control; life’ – what you are offering Kim is a way of life that is unfolding and brings so much simplicity Reading your words I can feel an expansiveness that is allowing and embracing and not about holding onto a way of living that causes separation from the divine being that we are. When we let go we can feel the beholding spaciousness that surrounds us.
I always find it very humbling when I get ill, it’s like we can struggle on, we can be stubborn, we can hold onto things and not want to move forwards but our body innately knows better and it lets us know in no uncertain terms that we are hurting it and we can’t carry on this way – so when something is wrong we have no choice but to surrender, accept healing and support and let go of whatever is holding us back.
Yes, Meg it is humbling and if we are open to it can be a wonderful opportunity to really honour all the wisdom we are privy to when we explore the deeper meaning that is always there to be explored and expanded.
It’s a bit like when we get ill it’s an opportunity to upgrade the way we approach both life and ourselves – with a renewed and refreshed sense of care, and also a deeper understanding of ourselves and of what choice in life that led us to this point.
I love the notion of upgrading ‘the way we approach both life and ourselves’ – and put in this way we can at any moment choose to evolve our understanding and wisdom and to expand our way of living life to the full without reservation or limitation.
We worship and consecrate knowledge and doing things as we’ve always done – but in doing so trap ourselves in holding patterns. Look at a kid, exploring, experimenting, questioning and asking why and you will see the natural way we are designed to be. Thank you Susan Lee.
Yes, it’s magical to observe a child and to feel their innate knowingness of what’s true.
I’m someone that can be very stubborn, I would always think I am right and fight almost everything. However I suffered from major IBS and as well as changing my diet found that through embracing being open, being willing to let go and see life as a constant evolution and learning my IBS healed.
It certainly awesome how the body responds when we begin to listen…..and learn. It feels like the most beautiful conversation…….without any words required.
So loved this sharing, it’s very close to home for me. I can be so stubborn and so blind to where I am stubborn. I could feel my whole body clock something when I read about allowing support. Thank you, much for me to ponder on.
Susan I love the way you took responsibility for building the relationship with the Dr and the nurses, too often we blame others or judge another before we have taken the time to be more understanding and let others in. What you share is deeply inspiring and supportive for anyone dealing with a medical condition such as yours, to not only deal with the symptoms but to be open to the energetic underlying cause – this is key to true healing of the body.
For so many people, life is a struggle, something that is just got through, with moments of extreme and intense relief, usually in the form of some sort of medication. Just imagine if people understood that this actually wasn’t necessary, that there is a whole different way of living, how the world will change.
Experiencing and realising one’s past struggle allows us to understand humanity and how this need is fed when we struggle alone without support and a connection to our innermost.
Thank you for sharing your experience here and how you have turned a corner in starting to truly let go. It is a joy to read and I really get the sense of you deepening the relationship with yourself and your body.
This is brilliant. I so love how you were willing to look at your choices and take every opportunity to reimprint them with love. I am now understanding stubbornness as the lack of this willingness to learn and move on to flow with what is true but instead keep repeating the same pattern again and again.
Sue thank you for your honest blog, I picked up on having time to prepare yourself, I know from my own experience that anytime you have to get onto the examination couch, they say don’t worry about your shoes, and I always take them off because it feels so wrong for me to keep them on, it may take me a couple of minutes longer to get dressed, however I am sure the examination is quicker because I’m not on edge feeling uncomfortable.
Your blog Susan brings an understanding to a very common problem. When we realise/understand that our physical issues are there because of us and our thoughts/stubbornness, it is a huge release because you realise you were always the key to unlock all the answers to the body, and you have 24/7 access to you.
The relationship that we can have with our body like all relationships is one that can deepen and flourish as we become more willing to let go of our self driven ways and allow a sense of purpose to enter our lives.
It is also very empowering once we realise that we are the key to our problems as it releases us from blaming others – and our genes.
By letting go of what we so desperately cling to in life to help us feel more secure, we open up to a deeper level of love that is accessible for us to embrace and express. This is the everyday alchemy we can all perform – transmuting the denseness back into the light.
Gosh I loved reading this, I was hanging off every word. Thank you Susan, I will take much from your sharing.
Thank you Sarah for your lovely comment – it inspired me to re-read what I had written and begin to further unfold my use of stubbornness to hold back on taking my relationship with my body to a deeper level, whilst also appreciating the changes I constantly make to support my body and gain a more expansive understanding of the subtleties of how it speaks to me and the magic that is offered.
Susan that’s the same feeling I had, the fact that we hold on, hold back and it’s that which really starts hurting our bodies, I had big issues with my colon and it was only when I address the quality I approached life that things started to change.. that was over a decade ago and my life is so very different today but if I hold on to things my body still speaks loud and clear.
Yes, it does feel very much like a process and that our body is always offering us moments to define and redefine. The impulse to change becomes more subtle and tender, deepening our sense of inner wisdom.
“I feel that because I was starting to let go of my stubbornness and realising that I may have misjudged the first surgeon – that maybe he was not being uncommunicative but that I was not allowing people into my life” Great awareness Susan. The moment we clock ourselves judging another is the moment we need to reflect on our own choices and patterns of behaviour. It’s never about them but always something within ourselves we are not wanting to see.
Yes, Lucy and the more that we are able to accept this – that it’s our judgement that is the problem – the greater the understanding of both ourselves and others. Life feels so much lighter when we don’t play the ‘blame game’.
If we are stubborn in life if makes sense that we want to control life and have it a certain way, but in many ways this goes against the natural flow of accepting, digesting and letting go of life.
I can feel your humility in allowing yourself to truly see and let go your stubbornness and I recognised a lot in how stubbornness or wanting things to be my way is a theme or pattern in my own life too. And how it doesn’t serve and is part of a useful set up where we don’t need to address our part but can stay in this pattern of being the ‘victim’ of life rather than just engaging with it and allowing ourselves to see and feel all around what supports and what does not. It’s amazing to also know that in fact no matter where we are in life we can address our patterns no matter how old they are, once we’re willing to look.
When we make ourselves the victim we begin a surreal life of complication and disempowerment. As we begin to unravel these old patterns we begin to feel lighter and truly alive.
We like to think that we seize all of life, that we’re saying yes to having Love and a lot lot more. It’s just God who is mean and holding it back. This in my experience, is the direct opposite of the truth. We might not like to confront it but the fact is we consistently pull in the opposite direction to what’s helpful and supportive to do. We’ll eagerly line up to play a computer game but how many will willingly wash and clean ourselves tenderly? Your words Susan expose our stubborn spirit at the root of all this. At least if we stop pretending it doesn’t exist, we can start to make sound choices to allow for it.
It is interesting that when we are closed off to others and stubbornly want things to go the way of our pictures that we hold of life, we close ourselves off to all manner of possibilities in life – support being one of them.
Very lovely Julie to read your words and to truly feel the wisdom of them. As I deal with deeper levels of stubbornness it will be great support to allow more space in my understanding of what is required when my body calls for a greater level of awareness, grace and love.
The body is very clear in its communications if only we are willing to listen.
The relationship between our ability to assimilate and let go things in life and the colon is a pretty important one to understand thank you. There is a whole lot more to health and wellbeing than taking care of our physical needs as you so beautifully illustrate.
‘This situation allowed me to see that this is how I have lived my life – allowing others to set the ground rules, so that I could then hold on to resentment that I have not been treated properly.’
It’s so utterly fabulous when we have moments of clarity like these: seeing the often very creative double-binds we set up for ourselves that make us think we’re in control… Until we realise these situations or dynamics are the very things controlling us…
Holding on to our patterns – it makes sense this results in constipation. Letting go of that which no longer serves us makes sense too – going with the flow in every aspect.
So true Victoria, we fight ourselves and our body feels the impact when we go against the natural flow.
It feels amazing to realise that we have set ourselves up for this uphill struggle by fighting our innate wisdom – what sense is there in going against the flow when flowing with life feels so much more natural to our way of being?
When we stubbornly hold onto the status quo nothing can change for without letting go of what we no longer need there is no space for anything new to grow.
Building a relationship with my stubbornness has allowed me a greater and deeper understanding of myself and the way I have for so long functioned. By gently letting go I am allowing another level of wisdom to inform me and guide me on my path of return which as you say allows for more room for observation, expansion – and space.
It is extraordinary the difference that can be made by moving from having a victim of circumstances mentality to one where you are empowered by knowing the impact of your choices and embrace the support you can offer yourself and allow in to your life
What a beautiful sharing Susan – thank you. And I loved all the details including the description of you watching the process on the screen and your developing connection with your colon. We walk around in our bodies so disconnected from them, what a beautiful stop to reconnect you.
Thank you Doug this is so true. ‘We are the architects of our interactions with people’ The potential for love filled relationships is ginormous ……..it is absolutely and completely up to us.
A very beautiful blog thank you Susan. Letting go, of stubbornness or what ever we are holding on to, is such a powerful message; I love the way you made loving choices to let go and this reflected to us that there is another way.
Letting go for me is very much an ongoing process as when I let go of one layer of stubbornness there is another layer to look, and then to deepen and gain more understanding of the reason that I have hung onto stubbornness for so many life times – it does feel very ancient.
This is a great sharing Susan! In the past I have experienced a similar situation as yourself but I am not sure that I have learnt as much as yourself. Clearly there is more for me to learn about myself. I am inspired by your words and actions you have taken.
Thank you for your lovely comment Roslyn – it has taken time for me to allow myself to feel and understand what it is that my body has been attempting to tell me for so long. For so long I have been so resistant and even now I still continue to resist what feels so obvious and clear once I have let go. As I allow my understanding to deepen I find there are always more layers, and rather than seeing this as a problem I am beginning to accept that there is even more grandness and wonder as I open up to the Universe and all that it reflects.
Thank you Susan for shedding light on the stubborn behaviours we can hang onto at the ill of our body and being.
There is much to take away from this article, including..
“It felt more lovely than I would have realised to at last be seeing that I could be wrong and to not be a victim of circumstances” – this supports releasing the need to get it right and to surrender
“I am starting to see that my stubbornness is about me holding on to the way ‘I have always done things’ and how I think life should be and that this arrogance does not serve or support me being who I truly am.” – which opens up the embrace that there is another way.
Thank you
‘This situation allowed me to see that this is how I have lived my life – allowing others to set the ground rules, so that I could then hold on to resentment that I have not been treated properly.’ And when we see this pattern in the eyes we can let it go as it has never truly served us although we were in the illusion it did. To me an important part of the stubbornness is the ‘doing it on my own’ and at the same time living with resentment because ‘I am left alone’, I always found this very interesting to feel in myself, creating this situation and wanting attention as I was the victim, so waiting for someone to come to me not realising I did not let anyone in.
Great blog Susan, taking time to make ourselves comfortable for an examination is very important, and I loved how you chose to change your interaction with the procedure as you had to go for a colonoscopy and through choosing to do that everyone became very supportive, and the procedure went well.
Great to expose this, which is quite common amongst women Susan – giving our power away to others who are authority figures who must know what is best for us (ouch). How important it is to be clear in our expression and re-claim our re-connection with our body and let it speak of what is acceptable or not”.
“I came away with a clear understanding of how easily I complied with other people’s suggestions and did not say what felt comfortable for me and what did not”.
A beautiful understanding of how our body reflects to us how we have been living. We just have to take our head out of the clouds and listen to the wisdom of our body.
I now feel inspired by what is another’s way of life, it may be different from mine, but knowing there are so many different ways allows me to feel a deeper connection with everyone.
To match symptoms in our bodies to the life we lead is a great piece of communication. Our bodies are constantly sending us messages and when we don’t listen, the messages get stronger. How great that you were able to surrender to the medical examination processes and enjoy developing this intimate relationship with your body, Susan.
wow, to consider that even writing the blog was a healing, we just miss so much of what supports us in life! The way we approach others definitely affects the way they interact with us. I have experienced this time and time again – my own little experiment. I would love to say it is others, and in fact they have their own stuff they may be dealing with, but how I respond to my stuff or their stuff determines how the interaction or the connection will go. Thank you for sharing your experience and giving us the opportunity to clear a little more out of our bodies as well.
I agree Lucy – we do miss so much when we stubbornly hang on to old ways and allow no space for letting go. I am sometimes still surprised how when I let go, something I have been stubbornly hanging on to releases – whether it be in my body or with life in general. Because of my old patterns it still can take a little while for the penny to drop but I so appreciate the lesson that I am gradually learning, and with that I can feel more of the natural flow that is life lived in synchronicity with the Universe.
I can relate Susan. What I found especially interesting is how when you went there the second time you were greeted in another way and you were also meeting them in a different way. Made me wonder if there is a correlation. When we meet others openly and welcoming they are also given room and space to greet us in that space. What you give is what you get sort of reasoning. Thanks for sharing Susan.
What an amazing and honest blog thank you for writing it Susan so that we can all learn from your experience of life and exactly what effects holding onto to stubbornness can have on our bodies.
It is truly magical that when we allow ourselves to feel something as you did with the stubbornness our body instantly responds to confirm this. And it is lovely to read how with your willingness to heal this changed everything including your relationship with yourself and with others.
Beautiful to feel how as you let go of your stubbornness the support is there for you. As soon as we have the willingness to change we are supported in our new approach.
Who would have thought that constipation is holding on and refusing stubbornly to let go of how we want the world to be, and hold it to our pictures. This is a great example of where conventional medicine could enhance its treatments by taking a closer look at the ways in which people interact with life – do they struggle or let it out with ease.
And yet it all makes sense as I was always aware of the contraction that I could feel when my body was not letting go and flowing – I just didn’t choose to see that I was responsible for whether life was a struggle. It is now beautiful to feel the ease that is now developing as I learn to accept support gracefully and let go of the need to struggle on my own.
It’s ever so interesting to understand the extent to which we normalise conditions – and behaviours – which are less than healthy. Yes, there is a lot to learn from the body, that marvellous vessel that reflects to us all that we are and have ever been – the good, the bad and the ugly.
Another priceless understanding of how esoteric medicine brings us to a deeper understanding of the behaviours supporting the root cause of our ills. How often do we brush off a simple niggle or pain as the way I was walking, rushing or not concentrating – not taking into account how we have been living the whole day or the last month? The body is an incredible marker in showing us what is not true and how the presentations of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine on Esoteric Medicine shows us that there is another way of not band aiding but truly healing the wounds.
A great reminder to listen to my body too Susan. I know that I can be stubborn, thinking that I can deal with something myself and then eating humble pie and asking for some help! There is such a relief in letting go!
Yes, thank you Roslyn – I definitely needed to be reminded to ‘let go’ as I go to a deeper level of understanding of what letting go truly means. As we go around in cycles we can feel how each time there is a new level of awareness and a greater unfolding of all that we have not been. We have certainly ‘weaved a tangled’ web by deviously dodging this way and that to avoid being our true selves and embracing ourselves fully. As you say ‘There is such a relief in letting go!’.
It is interesting how we can have an experience with one person and then someone else can come along and have a totally different experience with that same person – it makes sense that people reflect back to us our own stubborn ways, and that we are providing the energy for this exchange to take place. The saying we reap what we sow comes to mind.
“This feels to be much the same as my colon holding on to all the rubbish from my body rather than letting it go and allowing my body to flow” Yes it is a great reflection. Stubbornness is holding onto ways of living we have noticed are not supportive for us, thus ‘rubbish’, and will create dis-ease literally and figuratively speaking in our everyday life. And this is also a big form of controlling our life – for it might just get too amazing if we let go.
I used to wear stubborness like a badge of honour – it once felt cool to dig my heels in and be quite awkward. I can now appreciate how much I have changed and how if stubborness ever tries to get a hold it is easy to spot – my jaw sets hard, my cranial plates harden, my body tenses and I close myself off to further communication. Not really cool after all!
I really enjoyed reading your blog Susan – your joy of seeing your beautiful colon sparked in me also that feeling of how wondrous our physical bodies are.
Boy stubbornness is definitely a trait of control for us all to ponder on. There is so much that has been shared in this blog in how our willingness to not be seen as fragile and being more honest with each other is considered taboo or thinking another to be ‘weak’. The power in this blog is the longterm harm this does to the body when we choose not to let go of the ways of thinking and living that are harming. Thank you Serge Benhayon for sharing the truth for the world to read from a student of “The Way of the Livingness”.
Sometimes when I feel tired and looking pale I want to pretend that I’m ok and that there’s nothing wrong with me because I am a student of The Way of the Livingness! I don’t want to be transparent because I should know better than to push myself and feel exhaustion the next day yet I am learning, a student and there’s no such thing as perfection. It’s interesting how we can place expectations on ourselves; how we should be in the world instead of being honest, transparent, taking responsibility and allowing life to unfold.
Yes Caroline – and it takes such an effort when I try to fool the world – and yet no one is fooled! Everyone can read that I am not being true to how I feel and this causes a separation both to myself and to those around me. Although I realise that perfection is not possible I can still become caught up in that illusion when I feel tired – and as you say it’s interesting how we can place expectations on ourselves of how we should be, when all the time God puts no such pre-condition before loving us.
I love what you say Caroline as it rang true with me – that I also can feel at times that I have all the answers and don’t want to face the way I push myself through what at times feel like a ‘pain barrier’. As you say ‘there’s no such thing as perfection’ and the more accepting of this I become less hard on myself and to begin to realise that I am slowly changing and beginning to unfold to a greater depth of understanding.
Such an awesome blog, thank you Susan. No bum steer here, if you’ll excuse the pun! Seriously, the way you described the examination itself was particularly beautiful – there was such an allowing, rather than a holding out, as in holding everything separate, which turned it into a wonderful process for you (and by extension us). And the same goes for your people journey, and different approach to life. Yes, perhaps allowing is the antidote to the all stubbornness we hold on to.
It’s amazing what we can see or learn from a simple interaction at any point. While this article is about something more serious than just a simple interaction the principal still feels the same. As is said, “This situation allowed me to see that this is how I have lived my life – allowing others to set the ground rules, so that I could then hold on to resentment that I have not been treated properly.” I have had a similar procedure and it was very supportive and I felt extremely supported. The ‘how’ I took myself to the procedure was the key and this supported me from there forward. I love the many messages this article has shared, so open and warm, thank you.
Thank you Ray – as you say it’s the how that is important – when I feel open and accepting life flows and I can live with grace. When I close down the whole world can feel the harm that is caused – certainly a moment to reflect and take responsibility and care.
A very honest sharing Susan, beautiful to read how you could feel the reflection of your choices, and be open enough to seek support from a friend. It is amazing the difference in response we get when we claim ourselves.
An honest and inspiring blog to read Susan. Once we get to truly understand how our choices impact upon on our health and wellbeing, it is deeply healing to make new choices and let go of arrogance, suffering and old ideals and beliefs that keep us locked into an endless cycle that does not truly support us.
Caring for our body as part of a whole that is our life makes not only sense but makes it superbly applicable and a no brainer. It is when we segment our life into different streams rather than seeing it as One Life that we encounter problems, opposition and resistance from within.
Why is it that we have taken so long to realise that our body offers us markers for us to realise that until we live life as a whole, and not in parts? It feels as though in our arrogance we feel we can continue on the self abusive path with little or no consequence.
These words are so full of common sense, but somehow it seems that the majority of humanity just doesn’t seem to want to acknowledge the simple and hugely important message that comes with them, a message that you discovered: “that illness didn’t just happen to me, and that the way I responded to stress somehow harmed my body.” Once I had finally acknowledged that illness and disease just didn’t happen to me but that I was responsible for what was happening, I began to listen to the messages from my body, but how amazing it would have been to have been presented with this wisdom from day one; my life would have been so very different.
Yes, Ingrid it would have been lovely if we had been encouraged to connect to this wisdom from day one. However, it feels like a blessing to be open to this wisdom in this lifetime and to commit more deeply to responsibility, and to cherish this opportunity so that the next time I come back I will have a deeper commitment to myself and to the rest of the humanity.
It makes sense that constipation is related to stubbornness which in effect stops the flow of life. I could also be stubborn and had constipation for most of my life and used to get severe pains in my abdomen. I had a colonoscopy, which I opted to be woken to have a look at my colon and I couldn’t believe how pink and healthy it looked. I had been given the impression by certain alternative therapists that if we are constipated our colon would be black and heavily lined, but this was not the case. This allowed me to start looking at other areas of my life such as the food I was eating and starting to give up gluten and dairy which I already knew was affecting me but was stubbornly holding on to in the: Why me….everyone else is eating this, why can’t I?”
The joy I feel from your colon and your body living and sharing how it is to let go, the freeing of your body impacting on all your feelings and thoughts have brought about a deep honesty in your words, which is very gracious and beautiful to read.
What an amazing switch around! – from an annoying occurrence to an important awareness building and potentially evolutionary sign, constipation is examined in a new light here.
Thank you for sharing your experience of a colonoscopy Susan, and great understanding here, ‘I am starting to see that my stubbornness is about me holding on to the way ‘I have always done things’ and how I think life should be and that this arrogance does not serve or support me being who I truly am.’
Our body is always talking to us, on so many levels… The thing is to be able to start to listen, and this listening can only really come from stillness, and from the stillness will be a connection, and from the connection we will really be able to listen.
I’ve just came back for a reread of your blog Susan, and I’m so glad I did. Once again I’ve been struck with how stubborn I am and how easy I had forgotten this. Something to keep in my awareness to move forward with. As you have shared it can be something we ignore and live with for many years.
Wow Susan, this is very honest and powerful to read. It’s given me support to see how stubborn I also am even though what needs to be done is staring me in the face – sometimes for years. I can see how in this I am allowing beliefs to rule my life, of how I or life need to be, instead of allowing a natural flow of true support from others or from myself. For me, it’s not wanting to admit things are the way they are because I’m in self judgment – I’m subscribing to images and upholding them, instead of surrendering to the wisdom of what needs to be lovingly chosen next.
I enjoy this blog, I can see another aspect of stubbornness in me where I have become entrenched or fixed in a way of doing something and then feeling a bit annoyed or affronted if someone comes along and shows me another way. Stubbornness and pride seem to play a game of tennis within me in those moments!
Thank you Jeanette – you have reminded me of some uncomfortable moments when I too have felt that stubbornness and arrogantly pursued ‘my way’. However, as I learn to let go, little by little, I am finding that I am becoming more willing to see that ‘my way’ is not necessarily the only way and that maybe there is a simpler way than the complication that I have brought in to play. It feels really healing to let go of some of these entrenched patterns and make way for a life that is lighter and simpler – and more enjoyable.
‘I am starting to see that my stubbornness is about me holding on to the way ‘I have always done things’ and how I think life should be and that this arrogance does not serve or support me being who I truly am.’ Thank you Susan this was a very timely read today. as I can be stubborn too, holding onto doing things my way and on my own not wanting to ask for support. Let’s open my eyes, embrace myself and life.
Aah, yes Annelies – I too still stubbornly hold on to doing things my way – and not wanting to ask for support. I caught myself doing this the other day and then realised how I had gone back into being a victim – and it felt so yucky. It was good to be able to see this and allow that feeling to leave my body as I again stepped back into my power.
Susan as someone thats had a number of the colonoscopy whats clear is that I’ve never wanted to consider that I could have cancer, yet at the same time not also wanted to address what I hold onto. When I do go to the bathroom, a couple of times a month I also may have some blood, as in the past the doctors found nothing I brush past it, yet what if things have changed in the last 2 years? It kinda hits home that perhaps I should find a way of monitoring what is in my case a weak point in my body.
“I am starting to see that my stubbornness is about me holding on to the way ‘I have always done things’ and how I think life should be and that this arrogance does not serve or support me being who I truly am. ” Me too. My colon is also communicating loud and clear – I feel its message is the same as yours Susan.
Thank you Susan. A beautiful realisation of the connection between the way we live and the workings of our body. Another way of knowing ourselves from the inside out.
It’s great to expose how we can easily let others set the ground rules. I have done this many times and this is because I think someone else is above me – but in doing so – I am not claiming what I feel in my body. This blog is a great exposure of how important it is to honour our bodies and bring appreciation into the way we live.
Thank you so much for writing this blog Susan and sharing your wisdom and insight. A few alarm bells are ringing for me around passive stubborness so will be watching this intently now.
I know that feeling of instant contraction in my body the moment I go all stubborn. It is like every cell of my body immediately goes into defence by clinging to itself instead of all lightly holding hands in support like they usually do. I love how you expose the fact that it is so much more than an immediate issue but also things we hang onto over a long period. what a lot the colon has to put up with from us!
Yes Jeanette the colon does have a lot to put up with – and not only the colon when we feel the impact it has on the whole body. The more I connect to my body the more I realise that nothing is isolated – there are always reverberations throughout our body as the energy ripples outwards. It is as you say ‘like every cell of my body immediately goes into defence by clinging to itself instead of all lightly holding hands in support’ – when we trust that we are enough there is no longer the need to ‘cling’.
Each time I feel all my cells holding hands it brings a smile to my face and a warmth in my heart.
I am so appreciative of this blog and what you have shared here. To start to understand how we can hold on to old hurts and not let love in is medicine in itself. One that I too am forever grateful to Serge Benhayon for having introduced me to.
“I have a far more intimate relationship with my colon and with what I put into it”. This line made me laugh and then I looked at why I was laughing. Our colon is part of our body, an essential part that plays a vital role. How easily we can disregard such parts of our bodies and not appreciate what they do. It is a very powerful line and one that I was quite happy to brush off and laugh about because it sounds comical.
It’s amazing what is possible when we honour what we feel. Letting go of not wanting to be a burden opened up a whole new experience. I’ve found this has happened to me also, although not without some serious holding on first!
What an amazing account of your experience Susan. Learning to appreciate the inner workings of your body is awesome, and something we should all consider doing. I love the idea of being able to see what’s going on inside of us, as our bodies are such an amazing piece of design.
I can see sometimes how I can make my life a struggle when it doesn’t have to be this way. I can feel the resentment in my body and can come up with excuses that I have a right to feel this way but really it is an avoidance of taking responsibility where I create dramas to avoid being and living more of the real me, the grandness that is naturally within as the support is always there.
Stubbornness is simply our outright refusal to live the love that we are. It is the human spirit holding tight to all that it has created, no matter how miserable that may feel because it feels identified by it. We hold onto our hurts and use them as an excuse to not be the love that we are and share it with all others instead of simply surrendering back to the love and light of the Soul, the place where our true self resides, unencumbered by the constant need to stand out from ‘the crowd’. This is a great lesson of the ill effects such stubbornness can cause us Susan, thank you for all you have shared.
This is very helpful for me. I can relate to much of what you say about stubbornness and holding on to a way of life (that isn’t working for me) – and the effect it has on my body, particularly my colon.
This is an extremely brave blog, it must have felt amazing to share your experience without holding back at all, it supports the reader to know their body more deeply and embrace the messages that it might send rather than avoid them. It’s a tale that says it’s never too late to take responsibility or change, thank you for your generosity.
My mother died from bowel cancer and she found it very difficult to let go of anything. This was evident when we had to clear the family home where she had lived alone for some years as my father had died years before her and now I am nearly her age when she died and I realise that there is so much to let go of physically, as well as any ideals and beliefs I may be still harbouring so I had better start now
Lovely to read your comment Kathleen and to realise that I too have so much to let go of in my body. It is interesting to realise that I am far more willing to let go of material things in my home than I am of the countless little ways that I hold on to control both myself and those around me. It is very much a gradual process that is forever unfolding and bringing new realisations as I learn to let go and allow more openness in my life.
Such a powerful and beautiful message here Susan, that being, when I reach outside of myself tenderly, honestly and lovingly all the support that is needed is there. Learning to listen and respond to our bodies is indeed such a blessing.
That’s a really interesting link you make here Susan with the constipation and holding onto your stubbornness. It makes complete sense – as soon as we hold onto something the body cops it. And constipation – as you say – is like letting the garbage sit there rather than chucking it away. I also related to you giving your power away to the doctors rather than claiming what feels right and this has given me a lot to reflect on.
Without the help of an Esoteric Practitioner I would not so easily have made this link – we just sometimes need a little nudge in the right direction. The more I listen to my body and to common sense the greater and deeper the connection – it is astounding once we open up to listening what wisdom is offered at every turn. Yes, as you say our ‘body cops it’ while we continue to ignore it’s every word with an arrogance – and stubbornness, that surpasses anything else lived in our great and wondrous Universe.
It is amazing how much we protect and fight for things to be a certain way. We are the biggest advocates of our own downfall. It is like we spend our whole life trying to keep the status quo – and feel content when we think we have succeeded. When you consider the world is constantly moving and changing, how much we have to work to hold on. Reading what you have to say Susan, I saw a person trying to stop the earth spinning or push it the other way. No wonder we are exhausted at the end of the day. I can certainly relate to doing a lot of things I know are not right, but pursuing them anyway because I think it is ‘my right’. Your intimate words here support us all to honour and support our body with the way we are, rather than pushing on regardless.
What I love about the science of Esoteric Medicine that conventional medicine does not allude to is each part of the body means something. How can we deny this unfathomable truth and the keys to the root of ill-ness and dis-ease. Imagine seeing a doctor trained in Esoteric Medicine as well as conventional medicine – a great marrying in medicine for today’s complexity of multiple chronic ill-nesses being diagnosed in people; or better still introduce another department for Esoteric Medicine. Simple to finance setting it up and it would not only benefit the patients, but the staff, the visitors and the whole health system.
One day we will again re-unite – including medicine and every part of our functional way of living – as this is what truly makes sense. Esoteric Medicine brings a much more rounded and logical approach to medicine and within we have always known this – there are little moments when sense filters through our consciousness and we have a knowing deep within that confirms. I know that for myself when I resist and over ride these moments I am complicating my life and going against the natural force of the Universe.
After reading this inspiring blog, I too am going to be more aware of what and how I put substances into my colon, and deal with life. What a great scientific read – there was so much in it – truly amazing!
How true Susan and how beautiful to recognise that we can change – and yet how do we change? Is it to find another solution or is it more about surrendering and truly feeling what it is that we are trying so hard to avoid. It feels like it’s the hardness that is the cause of the constipation – the contraction of our bowel – and our block to connecting to the soul.
Thankyou for so clearly describing the link between stubbornness and the colon – and constipation. I constantly find it amazing how our bodies can communicate so clearly – and how we can get an understanding of how we have lived through its signs and symptoms – which, through different choices – we can change.
I too am discovering that there are many layers to stubbornness. The passive stubbornness of not taking responsibility and then blaming and resenting others plays out in many subtle ways, but I am gradually catching all the ways I shift responsibility on to others, so the game has less of a hold on me now … and yes, I used to have chronic constipation.
Now, that’s interesting – I’ve never felt stubbornness to be passive, but as you say when we do things by default, as in not taking responsibility and continuing to live this way it is indeed stubbornness, a stubbornness that makes us less as we hold on to where we are at, rather than allowing ourselves to evolve and expand. I have always felt that I was passive but never seen so clearly that it is as you say avoiding responsibility both to myself and to the rest of the human race.
“I am now beginning to realize that the way I have lived life is not that of a healthy woman but a woman who has struggled through life stubbornly not listening to others in case I may have to look at my part in what goes wrong and take responsibility.” I love this sentence Susan as many people will relate to this as I know I can and the funny thing is that even once you realise what you are doing there are always more ways you are deceiving yourself to expose. I see it as all blame has got to go.
Yes, Kathleen realisation is only the beginning of the story as the layers begin to unfold and deepen our understanding of ourselves and life. Sometimes it feels that we have become masters of deception, and letting go of this arrogance brings a humbleness that offers us an opportunity to take responsibility and let go of blame.
Taking the time and care to get to know our bodies helps us understand anybody.
So true Nicole our bodies are such holders of wisdom that allow us to feel our interconnectedness.
very interesting to hear about how you were fascinated to watch your colonoscopy procedure! I am fascinated by listening to my bodies sounds with a stethoscope.. but that is a whole another level!
Its easy to fathom how obvious stubbornness and aggression would adversely affect our body, but being silent, letting others control us or not expressing ourselves truly and fully also comes from not wanting to let go which will cause turmoil in our bodies!
Oh, so true Harry – and I feel that you have the answer to the turmoil that is present at times in my body. I can feel I want to let go but somewhere there is part of me that says ‘maybe wait just a little longer while I find another way’ and pride then rules the day. The more I can let go of my pride and allow my beautiful body to lead the more I can let go. There is that saying that ‘we are our worst enemies’ and at times I feel this to be true.
I so relate to this discussion Susan particularly the thinking that “‘maybe wait just a little longer while I find another way” as this all really amounts to delay. And thinking that we need to get things right rather than simply expressing what we feel in the moment is a real trap as expressing clears the way for more awareness to come whereas delay is simply us holding back.
I am so amazed and inspired by how you have written this blog Susan! There is so much detail in how we can know our body and how the events and emotions we hold onto adversely affect us – thanks for a great presentation of stubbornness!
How much time we actively dedicate to making things a struggle, when all of life is supporting us for them to be so simple. It is simply beautiful how our body and life’s events show us the truth in no uncertain way. Then as your experience shows Susan, it’s just a matter of how long, how many procedures and situations we choose to pursue and over-ride what we already know is just not true.
Yes, Joseph ‘it’s just a matter of how long, how many procedures and situations we choose to pursue and over-ride what we already know is just not true’ and even three years on from writing the blog I can still feel the delay and ongoing process of gradually connecting more to the wisdom of my body.
The more I connect to the over ride, the more allowing and openness I am beginning to feel, and that the choices that I make in each moment are fundamental to letting go of default patterns that have held me back for so very long. The need for struggling is losing its power as the connection becomes more profound and evolving.
Yes, Sally, as we embrace all that life offers us we realise that the stop moments are not in our lives to make life difficult (as I once felt) but to open us up to possibilities that there are other ways to approach life rather than one of control or disengagement. In order to escape uncomfortable moments I would often disengage from life in the hopes that things would go away. As we are now all learning there is a cycle that will bring the moment back to us until we are willing to change, and when we do we are given the grace of evolution.
Beautiful sharing Susan, it is amazing when we let others support us, acknowledge to ourselves that we are worth being looked after and letting people in to do so. Also it is incredible how consistently the body offers signals, feelings to respond to. It is our intelligence that allows us to see this and listen accordingly as you have done.
Yes Stephen and I wonder why it has become ‘amazing’ as when we do ask for support and we feel supported both by asking and the support we receive it feels like the most natural and beautiful exchange. It feels as though we have all been living separately and unwilling to admit that we all need support and love – it’s great to be independent and yet there is no dependency when true love comes into the equation.
Thank you Susan for you incredibly honest blog. Over the last couple of months I have had to go through the same procedure and deal with illness in my Colon. You have exposed a stubbornness that I hadn’t realised I had. I would never had thought that by giving my power away and then blaming others was part of stubbornness, but seeing it now I know, any form of holding what is not true is stubborn. I’m a lot more stubborn than I thought.
I feel I know what you mean Kim – I never cease to be amazed that even though I now have more awareness of my stubbornness it hasn’t magically disappeared. It feels like it’s an unfolding and revealing to me how powerless I am until I surrender to what my soul is lovingly guiding me to do. I am realising that it’s an ongoing process – one of acceptance and appreciation of how far I have come from the person who blindly ‘thought’ they knew it all and had all the answers – humility offers us a way to re-imprint these lifelong patterns.
A great line Susan “It feels like it’s an unfolding and revealing to me how powerless I am until I surrender to what my soul is lovingly guiding me to do.” There is for a me a false sense of power in stubbornness, it’s more like rigid, inflexible control, so your words about stubbornness actually making us powerless really hit home. How I’ve convinced myself this pattern of stubbornness supports me when in fact I’m holding myself away from more love.
So lovely that you highlight the word stubbornness – it’s a word that so encapsulates the way we dig our heels in and refuse to budge – and as you commented it so highlights our false sense of power, a power that comes from us separating from our true intent and allowing ourselves a big ride on the merry-go-round of life until we connect back to a way of living that is embracing and expansive. I am at present feeling a great sense of stubbornness as another layer unfolds – each time I come to look at it there is a greater feeling of allowing myself to accept myself as I am and not continue on a search for perfection, control and identification.
This blog has also given me the same realisation Kim, of how stubborn I actually am. I can feel the stagnation that comes with this, how I block the flow of life, and of the arrogance of ignoring what’s truly going on, to stubbornly repeat unloving choices over and over.
What I liked about this blog was that you didn’t describe the obvious stubbornness but instead the passive stubbornness of not letting go of past events.
Much to my revelation this is just as much stubbornness as refusing to let up.
Yes, I agree Luke – passive stubbornness in some ways feels more abusive because it feels that greater energy has been invested. We have deliberately gone out of our way to hide and manipulate the situation whereas obvious stubbornness is just that -obvious. I never stood up for what I felt was truth – even when it wasn’t truth – I was devious and put on a seemingly ‘nice’ facade. Life is so much more empowering and freer when we let go of the guard and protection and become more real and at one with ourselves.
Wise words Susan and very healing to many who would read them.
this was great to read. It was awesome how you asked to view what was happening and to know the ins and outs of what was going on (get it 😉 haha ) This line was awesome – “allowing others to set the ground rules, so that I could then hold on to resentment that I have not been treated properly.” What an awesome expose. Taking responsibility for us and not leaving it up to someone else to make decisions so we can complain about it later…
Even though we’ve had a realisation it feels as though we can always go deeper so thank you Emily for reminding me of how I can still allow others to set the ground rules…. Recently I have had several visits to the hospital and each time I visit I learn more about myself – and the lives of others. There are so many amazing people out there to connect with – and everyone of them is equally gorgeous. As I listen to and care for my body I am realising that life is forever offering us amazing experiences to learn from and enjoy. And, yes I love your sense of humour – life is such fun.
Thank you Susan I very much enjoyed reading your blog, as very soon I will be undergoing the same procedure as you had, though I expect I will be asleep, I will be taking on board and feel into what you have shared, and take extra care to lovingly attend to my needs and make them known gently to the staff at the hospital.
We can be nice, easy going and even accommodating to others. But what your words remind me today Susan is just how familiar and comfortable ‘what we know’ is to us all, and how in our own way we tend to repeat it every day. Even if we are pointed out that there may be a much grander possibility or another way – it’s like we are so deeply scared to release our grip on what we see as these supportive sticks. Yet ironically what we ultimately get to see is its these habitual patterns that are keeping us imprisoned.
Yes, Joseph I love what you say as your words remind me that ‘deeds speak louder than words’ and while I know the theory, letting go of the familiar is something I can still stubbornly hold on to even though I am fully aware of the consequences – no excuses any more just accepting responsibility and building a deeper connection to what I know is true.
It sounds so simple, and once we get it, it is so obvious, but this is just one of the direct correlations between our behaviour and our body, between our reactions and our symptoms, between the interconnectedness of everything, and to start to know that everything matters… The way we speak, move, and think affects everything about us, and all those around us.
When we allow our lives to become simple we open our hearts and expand our experience and as you say we can feel the interconnectedness of everything both within ourselves and with the whole Universe. There is no little detail that is unimportant – everything has a divinity about it and if all is not flowing as one and in union then we interrupt the grandness of the all there is.
The absolute beauty and loving support our bodies offer to us in every moment is truly unfathomable. Every moment we are given another opportunity to feel where we are at and make choices that may either support us or ones that may hinder us, either way our bodies let us go there, let us make those choices, no questions asked. I know I for one still do not appreciate everything my body does for me, how every little whisper or murmur is a sign, a gentle reminder that there is something I could be looking at, feeling more deeply, connecting to more truthfully. What a blessing even constipation can be!
As you say Jenny even constipation can be a blessing – and wonderful that we can appreciate this and not bemoan it! It is truly unfathomable that our body can be so patient and loving in the way that it is consistent and committed to our well being in a way that we have yet to fully understand. I have been aware of the sighs and whispers but not quite realised the depth of love that they are offering us – thank you Jenny for offering that insight into the true delicacy and subtlety of all there is around us to support us to unfold.
Thank you, Susan. I loved reading you blog and understanding the connection between being constipated and stubbornly holding onto things. It makes a lot of sense.
Thanks Susan for the real example you have presented on how our behaviours influence the body, it was an interesting read
What I am realising Joe, is that our behaviours not only affect our body – but that the impact is far more wide reaching. When we realise that each movement that we make with our body impacts and is felt by others – and from there they can reverberate beyond we begin to feel the utmost responsibility we have in the way we live our lives.
Joe likewise I noticed that whenever I would feel something but try to ignore it, I would get more and more tension in my body, a behaviour influencing the body. As Susan has shared we don’t need to put up with colon problems or anything else if we first truly take care of ourselves.
Aah, yes Sally – I am often amazed at how many times we need to visit some of these hurts at a deeper and deeper level until one day………what I now realise is that we are forever evolving and unfolding and that this is a way of living that lets go of the need for perfection and trying that allows us to become more graceful and beautiful all the time.
The sensitive and delicate body we inhabit is key to supporting us in life and requires loving care and attention. The interesting part of this tale is the fact that now even after so many years change can be adopted and turn everything around.
How beautifully you honour the body when you you claim it to be ‘sensitive and delicate’. For so long I treated my body in a way that was anything but sensitive and delicate and yet as you say we are still able to turn things around. It makes me realise what a forgiving and loving body I have that in spite of the abuse, it still offers so many loving choices for me to make. When I honour my body I am honouring God in his infinite and un-bounding love.
Susan Lee this is profound – we have a body that constantly adjusts and supports us to come back at every opportunity. It is relentless in its communication – as we start to honour it – it can reciprocate by opening those doors to more awareness and love.
What you say is so loving Lee – our body is forever open to reciprocate and open doors of communication. There are a multitude of lessons on offer and each one allows us more insight into our own amazingness and the depth that is offered is infinite and expansive. As we realise that we are on a path that leads us back into the arms of God we allow ourselves to embrace fully each experience.
Inspiring to read your story and how your body guided you to understand more of your self. Thank you, as a result of your sharing I understand even more how amazing our body truly is if we care to listen to it.
Yes Fiona, and the wonderful part about this is that it doesn’t stop – it is just the beginning of a truly living and loving relationship that deepens as we unfold. I find the comments are part of this process as they offer a stop moment for me to connect back to my body and allow me to feel what is coming up in the moment.
It is quite remarkable that there are a lot of people in their 60s, 70s and 80s who, with Universal Medicine are actually improving their life and, looking at them, they benefit as much as those who are much younger.
At times I find it breathtaking when I realise what amazing opportunities surround us all to change our lives – I am aghast with amazement and feel truly blessed that however many years have passed by spent lost in the illusion of life, we can always make the decision to change the well trodden path and begin to re-imprint our lives with a sense of joy and wonderment. And this is only the beginning of our forever unfolding lives to come.
Ahh stubbornness….And it is extraordinary what things we are stubborn about and what we hold onto… And as always what a wonderful relief it is when we let go, and let things flow so to speak ☺
Yes I agree Chris, it is a relief when we let go of our stubbornness ……..but then I wonder why are we so perverse in the first place to want to hold on to something that is obviously not serving us? Is it the ‘relief’ that we feel when we let go that is the trap that keeps us blocked and paralysed knowing that in the end we will get our reward? Life would be greatly enhanced if we just let go of stubbornness and allow all the wisdom to flow unimpeded into us and deepening our connection to the All that is God and the Universe.
I love knowing that our bodies are sending us messages all the time – communicating to us the way we are living and that each message is specific. We just need to read what it’s telling us as you were able to Susan in understanding the link between stubbornness and constipation.
Reading your comment Deborah reminds me that it’s not just about feeling the feelings within our body but appreciating the understanding this can bring. For me this can be instantaneous or it can take a while until I am willing to acknowledge the depth of disregard there has been in my body in the past and how this affects the quality of my life in every living moment. To realise this is astounding and confirms the need to be present in every moment and detail of our lives. Why would I not want to be present when I can live this level of integrity?
“This situation allowed me to see that this is how I have lived my life – allowing others to set the ground rules, so that I could then hold on to resentment that I have not been treated properly.” I can see myself in this Susan and how it allows me to avoid responsibility.
So true Deborah – it’s amazing how we manipulate and deceive ourselves into justifying behaviours that are abusive and self serving. Once we begin to accept our part and the responsibility required to begin being honest, firstly with ourselves and then with others, we let go of the illusion which has had us in it’s grasp for aeons. We begin to heal and let go of all the self harming and return to our wholeheartedness – and realise how amazing life can be when we are true to ourselves in the way that we live and embrace our lives. God is magnanimous and never offers us less than everything.
Yes, it is sooo embarrassing when we acknowledge that we did something out of protection but it is then very important not to go into self-flagellation.
Although interestingly Christoph, when we are open about being self protecting we find that we are not alone – and the need for self flagellation dissipates as we release ourselves from the hold of protection.
A very beautiful inspiration I have received from your blog, witnessing and realizing, how deeply you have allowed yourself to learn from this (challenging) situation. This is an awesome example, of how everything, every situation, every moment is full of grace and gifts to us to support us, irrespective of if we “like” the situation, or not. I can relate to the experience of getting reflected my own stubbornness or on the other hand openness from the outside, and how I also experienced people to completely open up (while I arrogantly thought about them before, they never could/would do so) just as a reflection to my openness for us all together.
Well my eyes have certainly been opened after reading your blog Susan. As a small child I struggled with constipation and I can remember I was bracing myself always, contracted, hardened and needing everyone to be a certain way for me to feel ok. I had not taken into account that stubbornness, as a choice, can indeed poison our bodies and harden its natural movements.
Thank you Rachael – I love the way you have expressed the process of stubbornness ‘as a choice, can indeed poison our bodies and harden its natural movements’ and this is precisely what it has done. How we ever felt that our bodies could function with all the ‘rotting waste’ building up is beyond belief when we begin to allow ourselves to feel the delicacy and tenderness that our body would naturally employ to carry out it’s daily tasks. It is indeed sad that even as children we have already inhibited our bodily function in this way.
Yes, forcing our surroundings to be a particular way could simply be an outplay of our stubbornness, leading to more constipation, leading to a greater desire for control and so it goes.
There is so much we could learn from reading the way we treat our colons and the rest of our body.
While reading your blog Susan I had a clearer view of how taking responsibility for my part in the way I live is so important and how not doing that is stubborn. This is such a blessing to read. Thank you.
Susan I have always stubbornly ignored suggestions to have a colonoscopy as a routine procedure now that I am a similar age to you. It sounded so invasive and a bit ‘yuk’. But reading your article has not only informed me but also offered some hints, like getting to know my colon. I realise I am disconnected from my colon to some degree, and yes, I do have stubborness which does affect its smooth functioning at times.
I’d love to have one after reading Susan’s blog! The depth of new-found wonder and appreciation Susan expresses for her body is inspiring.
Thank you for writing this Susan, a fascinating insight into holding on to old patterns, learning to let people support you, opening up, taking responsibility. How it affected your physical health but also your mental health. You said that by taking responsibility you gave yourself permission to grow up! Digestive issues are an enormous problem and not looking to go away any time soon. I can’t help thinking it is, in part, because we stubbornly refuse to grow up and listen to what our body is saying it likes and doesn’t like, but rather prefer to be taken on a taste party by our mind, which can convince us that the foods that our body is not liking won’t harm us.
So true Lucy – I know that is my challenge at present – letting go of the ‘taste party’ in my mind that has held me in it’s grip for so long. Each time I feel I am letting go of it’s grip I suddenly find I have hopped back in again – and of course, this can then be an opportunity to beat myself up! It is amazingly supportive when we are not alone with these feelings as by sharing our insights we find our way out of the insidious web we have woven and allow ourselves to be less than perfect – and this opens us up to appreciating how far we have come, and to connect to our innate beauty and intricacy.
Yes, digestive issues seem to be particularly stubborn, even for those who work on themselves for a long time.
A very wise man presents that ‘the body is the marker of all truth’ and I have found that in exploring this possibility I have come to know this is true. If there is any disharmony in any part of my body, it is a beautiful opportunity for me to look at what is being reflected to me and change my ways. I relate so much to your blog Susan, especially where you say that it took a couple of times for you to see blood before doing anything about it. How many pains, symptoms etc. do we ignore simply because we have taken on the belief that it is ‘normal’ to have these things going on. For example, as I type this I am aware that there is tension and pain in my left shoulder – now I’ve clocked it I have a choice to ignore it or feel what it is showing me.
The wisdom of the words ‘the body is the marker of all truth’ has undoubtedly had a great effect on my whole life, Lucy, and the way I now choose to live. Yes I can choose to ignore these words, but my body will patiently and lovingly offer me more opportunities to allow the truth to be felt and explored. I am in awe of the love and patience that I am continually experiencing, as I learn to value and appreciate myself and the amazing people that I meet as I live my life.
honestly, if we dig deep enough we will all have stubbornness somewhere inside us, even if it is simply that hanging onto a dysfunctional personality that seems shy and retiring on the surface, that really is a grim hanging on to a shield that has never served us, never will, and deep down we know it, but we never let go. Stubbornness takes many forms and they all affect us.
I love the honesty with which you shared such an intimate experience. It was beautiful to hear you describe your colon in such a way and to feel the difference in your experiences when you began to let people in. I’ve found in my own life the more I let go of old ideals and beliefs and actually meet people with an openness and love the more beautiful my connections are becoming. Thank you for opening my eyes to the way our old beliefs and stubbornness can keep us from truly seeing the beauty in life and in ourselves.
Thank you Jade – it is awesome how much true power we have within when we approach the world with the humility of knowing that we are all the same. And as you say ‘the more I let go of old ideals and beliefs and actually meet people with an openness and love the more beautiful my connections are becoming’ and this is the wondrous thing about the ‘way of the livingness’ that we are all beginning to embrace as we listen to the Ageless Wisdom as presented to us all by Serge Benhayon. The beauty in life is forever evolving and forever offering us all new opportunities to fully embrace life and to expand with and at one with the Universe.
Thank you Susan for honestly and openly sharing your experience of your colon and the stubbornness that went along with it, it gives me a moment to ponder on the idea of stubbornness that may play a part in some patterns of behaviour in my life that I hold onto. How amazing is the body and its way of talking to us.
I love what you say Jill – ‘How amazing is the body and its way of talking to us’- it certainly is awe inspiring and feels that as we connect more to our body we are being offered the most profound opportunities to engage in this beautiful dialogue. It is offering us, and has been offering us for aeons such moments and only now are we willing to truly feely the depth of ignorance and denial that has been engaged in ignoring a wisdom that comes with love and truth and is the very essence of life.
Josephine and Susan,
I love what you both share here. When I open and live from my body the joy that is there simply wants to be shared with the world.
Susan, I appreciate your honesty in writing about this subject and baring your colon and associated stubbornness to the world. This is not a ‘normal’ topic of conversation but one that is much needed with colon cancer and other illnesses of the colon being very common. I remember being in France and absolutely amazed at the array of laxatives on offer, and talking to a member of staff at the chemist and finding out that so many people take laxatives. Constipation is one of those things that is brushed over and considered part of life, rather than looking at the deeper ramifications. It was constipation that brought me to the work of Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon funnily enough. I found a gluten and dairy-free diet enormously helpful in this regard and constipation became a thing of the past except when I am dealing with something that needs a deeper letting go, or I am holding myself tensely in some area of my life that needs closer observation and gentle understanding.
I love the way you say Josephine ‘baring your colon and associated stubbornness to the world’ – it really made me chuckle. It did feel a little like this when I wrote the blog but somehow I have always wondered why we hide certain aspects and parts of ourselves from the world. We have live in a way that was ‘nice and respectable’ for far too long as this way inhibits our innate joy and love of life. It feels as though once we free ourselves from these inhibitions we allow the world in and for people to see us as we are – and when they know we are no longer in hiding they feel able to open up too. For me this was an amazing privilege to be able to bare my ‘colon and associated stubbornness to the world’.
Gorgeous Susan, I agree, and when we open ourselves up like this and let everyone see and feel us, we discover we are all the same and it helps breaks down any sense of separation.
Yes, for me this is one of the magical parts of getting older – I feel less fear about being who I am and allowing others to see and feel the unloving ways that I have been with myself. Since finding the work of Universal Medicine I have realised that the world does not judge me as harshly as I judge myself and in this there is a freedom I am still learning, and as you say ‘ it helps breaks down any sense of separation’.
A big yes to this Susan, it is one of the magical things about getting older! I have had the same experience of the complete lack of judgment offered by Serge Benhayon, no rosy-coloured specs or anything like that, everything seen warts and all but absolutely no judgment. It has taken some time to let this in, feel it and accept and appreciate myself just as I am without needing to be anything else. The healing offered in this is immense, because we are very, very seldom met without any judgment at all and held in the love of all that we are in essence.
I agree Josephine, the love offered by Serge is not of the emotional kind but the true love that allows me to see myself as I truly am and not avoiding the whole truth. When we are offered a space that is secure we feel more able to let down all the protection and this frees us up to see ourselves as we are ‘warts and all’ and begin the process of healing our hurts. As I learn to let go of the protection I begin to connect to who I am in essence and I can then let out all the love that has been waiting to be expressed for aeons. This love requires no words just the exchange of a gentle touch can convey the depth of love and knowing that is exquisite and where each person can feel a oneness that is innate to us all.
Yes, great self-awareness Susan. As I was reading through the comments I got a glimpse of our world as all of humanity lives in this responsible, committed and deeply self-aware way! Wow!!
In saying that, I know that it begins with me taking full responsibility to let go of all the patterns, behaviours and ways of being that are not open, clear and True.
Yes Pernilla it fills me with wonderment too to feel that one day we will all return to living our lives in a way that is responsible, committed and ultimately honouring of who we are – the Sons of God.
And like you, until then, I will continue to let go of my stubbornness and allow these old patterns and behaviours to clear as I heal the hurts that I still can choose to hang on to. It is beautiful that we are not perfect and this allows us the space to be human as we continue our ever evolving path back home.
” As I am writing this blog I am starting to see how I allow stubbornness to come between me and making life simple and feeling the beauty of allowing others to support me”.
Whilst reading your blog Susan I had a profound awareness that stubbornness is one of my more subtle, hidden traits; I was shocked at this realisation.
Your blog has supported me to acknowledge this fact and to take responsibility to change this behaviour; thank you.
Yes, Shirl and once we acknowledge our stubbornness – or whatever – the power begins to dissipate and we gradually begin healing all those little moments when we have allowed our arrogance and stubbornness to come between us and our innate divineness. The only thing we lose is our pride.
Susan, I feel that pride and stubbornness go hand and hand for me. I can see where I have set up a pattern where I have taken great pride in how I do things ‘my way’ and then called in an extraordinary amount of stubbornness to maintain this stance, even when it hasn’t been working. I have been taking steps to pull myself up when I catch this pattern and to delve more deeply into what is going on. What I am finding is that I have managed to add layer after layer just to maintain this stance over the years. Quite hideous and ridiculous really, especially when the alternative is so simple and beautiful.
Susan and Helen, this is so true for me. Pride and stubbornness did go hand in hand for me and my body showed the same symptoms. It is not easy to get out of the entrenched pattern I lived in for so long. But I am now able to observe and reflect on the workings of my body. It is wonderful how it reacts to my caring for it.
Yes, Patricia – our body appreciates and confirms our respect and love. We are prone to complain when it confirms our neglect, but as I learn to honour my body more and more, the greater the awareness and allowing grows, and the nearer to moving us all towards true love and brotherhood. It is wonderful to feel how by a few simple changes we can begin to have a real impact on the world in which we live.
As you say Patricia it feels amazing when we can ‘observe and reflect on the workings’ of our body, as it offers us moments of reflection that are devoid of criticism and open the doorway up to a loving and nurturing way of being with ourselves. Life makes more sense when we begin to feel and live the all encompassing way that truly honours and dignifies our body and all that it brings to us each and every day.
Susan thank you. This is a very timely read for me – and your reflection clearly focuses the light of responsibility back to me is a situation I have been choosing to make a struggle for quite some time now (yes, unsurprisingly stubbornness is a familiar feeling for me too). Your line, ‘allowing others to set the ground rules, so that I could then hold on to resentment that I have not been treated properly.’ is a brilliant stop moment for me. Thank you again.
Susan your experience, which is very similar to my own, shows how damaging to the body stubbornness and arrogance are. I like the way you decided to embrace rather than endure the various hospitals experiences and the way your responsive and delicate body rewarded you.
‘Perhaps if we let go of what has hurt us and therefore what we are guarded from, we let go of what isn’t actually who we are’ – this is so true hvmorden, and what is more amazing is that anyone would want to hold onto their hurts in the first place. This makes me realise how far we have travelled along the path that is taking us nowhere in order to not let go of our pride.
Thank you Susan – what magic can come when we allow and open up. You completely changed the dynamics of 2 very similar situations simply by your choices. Stubbornness is a great word, simply because it is true and it has a way of coming through a lot of how we hold ourselves, our ideals and beliefs. But to let go of that guard seems so freeing, as you have shared here. Imagine if we were all to try that for a day; all defences down – what an amazing sight that would be.
Now that does sound amazing hvmorden – to try and let down all our defences for a day! I have often wondered what exactly it is that I am holding on to – and my pride is usually somewhere in the answer. How unintelligent that is – to hold on to something that only disconnects me from all the amazing and beautiful people there are in the world. All the more reason to try and let those defences down and allow the world in.
absolutely Susan – and in dropping our defences, perhaps we can truly surrender. Truly appreciate all that we are instead of trying to be something we are not. Perhaps if we let go of what has hurt us and therefore what we are guarded from, we let go of what isn’t actually who we are. As Serge has presented before – we are not our hurts or our defences. And it is my experience that letting go of those means I can surrender to the realness of me.
Hvmorden,
Letting go of our defences and “surrender to the realness of me”. For such a long time I thought I was my defences. To now feel the very real difference and to know that the realness of me is solid, true, tender and full of absolute love, the choice to surrender deeply to my body and that which lies within it is something that I am choosing more and more every day.
Thank you for your beautiful sharing Susan. Your article was healing to read – the detail you garnered from each step of this experience is really inspirational. It confirms for me, once again, that when we lovingly listen to our body and take the necessary steps towards a healing, we are, in fact, given so much more insight and from this new level of understanding we won’t be wanting to make those old choices anymore.
I love that the body is constantly showing us how to be loving with it, asking us to listen and guiding us to honour and cherish it in the way we should. It is so powerful that your shared this with us and the lessons you have learnt. It was gorgeous to read of this truly beautiful opportunity you allowed yourself to fully embrace.
It is also true Susan. Our stubbornness to holding on to the way we have always done things and our resistance to letting go of our rubbish is not healthy for anybody. The fact is we are all in this thing called life together and when we connect to, accept and let other people into our lives to inspire and support us, this allows a tremendous joy, beauty and appreciation to be felt for all of our potential.
Suse,
“The fact is we are all in this thing called life together and when we connect to, accept and let other people into our lives to inspire and support us, this allows a tremendous joy, beauty and appreciation to be felt for all of our potential.” So beautifully said. The support is always there for us and it is our choice to open to it, to see the support and to welcome it into our lives. For me, personally, allowing others to support me has literally changed how I live and has released many patterns that I held in thinking that I had to do it all alone.
Your blog is a testimonial to true healing – so few people are willing to look at the root cause of their disease but you have embraced it and this is very beautiful – in fact you have both introspectively and literally looked within! Thank you for sharing.
Yes, it is quite extraordinary but possibly would be great if it became completely normal “I have a medical symptom, what is it telling me? What change do I need to make in my life?”. The consequences would be enormously helpful.
What really struck me about reading this is how we are in any given situation makes all the difference as to how others are and taking responsibility for that is key. In the past I would have most likely resented the first doctor at the hospital that first examined you for his bedside manner if I’d gone along with his approach without being honest as to what I felt. I’d probably have moaned and groaned about it after making it about him instead of looking at my part in it. What I love about the esoteric is it reminds us that everything is a reflection, our body in how it works, how people are around us, our cars etc whatever is going on before us, that we’ve created it and to be fully responsible for that. This can be uncomfortable at times as we get to the root cause but it is expanding and evolving once we get there. Thank you Susan for sharing, I love how you felt about your beautiful colon on seeing it under endoscopy, it’s inspiring to read.
I love your comment Candida, and I love having the understanding that everything we find ourselves a part of that in some way we have created it. In knowing this, I am most powerful, for if I created it, then I too have the power to feel and address what lies there in front of me.
Absolutely Leigh, I have found taking responsibility in this way super liberating and empowering. I still slip into the old patterns of forgetting that everything in my life I have had a hand in (particularly in something I am in reaction to) but the overall understanding is deeply there. This also goes along with appreciating myself and all that is beautiful in life that plays out around me too.
I love Leigh’s comment and your response Josephine. It is so empowering when we accept that we are the creators of the outcomes that play out in our lives and once we have found this new perspective it broadens our horizons and we can feel the true beauty of feeling free of all that has been holding us in its tight grip for so long. As we allow ourselves to expand, we learn to embrace not only ourselves but everyone else, as we reach out in our glory and grace as we connect to the rest of the world.
So true what you say Leigh – it is so refreshing and energising when we begin to feel that we are part of something that we have created as it gives the whole answer as to why we found ourselves in this position in the first place rather than creating further as we blame others for our avoidance of dealing with the issue in the first place. As you say it ‘lies there in front of me’ for me to engage with it or not. We also have the choice and that is so beautifully and spherically empowering as it allows us to evolve and begin to address our karma.
Dear Susan,
I read your comment tonight just after being given a clear loving message from nature that it is karmic stuff that is rising in my body for clearing at this present moment. Your comment and the message together are the greatest support in understanding the enormity of the pattern I know is the karma for clearing. In me now there is the deepest love for myself as I surrender and choose a different way.
Thank you Susan for breaking down how stubbornness plays out in a very practical and real way. It feels very similar to turning a blind eye, hoping or pretending things will magically go away. I love how you stayed open to letting go of ‘your old ways’ and what you were shown. This made stubbornness look all the more ridiculous.
Great sharing Susan. I know I am often stubborn and do not respond to my body immediately either, so I will take heed in the future and give it the attention it deserves, after all it does carry me around year in year out!
Yes, being stubborn and then not being stubborn – the moment in-between is very embarrassing, especially if everyone around you had pointed out your stubbornness.
“I will not listen to my body giving me signs that everything is not OK until the last minute.” I can so relate to this Susan and even when it got to last minute I would still manage to find excuses for the signs my body was giving me. i used to accept that constipation was just a normal part of my body function, but as I have let go of so many of the things you have mentioned in your revealing and supportive blog, such as resentment in things not going my way, that I am not a victim of circumstances and I no longer need to run away from life, I no longer have constipation, and I no longer have stomach pains that used to cause me much discomfort. How wonderful and amazing is the body that speaks to us so loudly and clearly, and all we have to do is listen and respond….no subborness required, just a willingness to listen.
Oh yes, Alison, I agree this is definitely a point of reflection…looking at the effort taken in avoid those subtle and not so subtle messages the body keeps sending me…it is so patient with my arrogance !
I feel such a deeper support after reading the blog and your comment to listen to my body. I also have waited to the last minute, until things were unavoidable – I only go to sleep when exhausted is a great daily example for me. So much to reflect on here. Thank you all.
This is just one example of how a behavioural reaction directly affects our body, and is of course the tip of the iceberg. Universal Medicine clearly and succinctly presents how everything we think do and say directly affects us physically, and this information is what is desperately needed now to pull our failing health systems back from the brink of disintegration.
“Everything we think, do and say affects us physically.” I know this to be true as I feel deeply the way my body responds to the choices I make. Staying present and adjusting those choices, in the moment, that harden or tighten my body is a constant tender loving commitment.
It certainly is Leigh – ‘Staying present and adjusting those choices, in the moment, that harden or tighten my body is a constant tender loving commitment’ and the more we can stay present the adjustment becomes part of our natural way of being. It is so freeing after all those years of only after the event being able to see what was happening – and then replaying the moment over and over again, driving it deeper into my body only to be dealt with later.
Susan,
“replaying the moment over and over again, driving it deeper into my body only to be dealt with later.” I too have lived this way and like you say here Susan I didn’t realise just how damaging replaying anything after the fact is. I do now, the moment I go into thinking about a moment past, my body hardens and tightens, as that moment is done, however it turned out, as far as my body is concerned the only thing that matters is the here and now. Confirming my commitment to me and my body, as it is only from this very real foundation that I have the ability to adjust my old patterns and have the chance of responding differently next time a similar circumstance arrises to the one that I was thinking about, where I was trying in my head to repair and fix it and make it right.
Wow, Leigh, ‘the moment I go into thinking about a moment past, my body hardens and tightens’ and as we have done this so often, it is certainly amazing that we now have the awareness, through the grace of the life of Serge Benhayon, and can now let go of those past moments, and move towards embracing the present and future as something that will support us to evolve and out of the distraction that has held us in its illusion of comfort or as you so succinctly say ‘Confirming my commitment to me and my body, as it is only from this very real foundation that I have the ability to adjust my old patterns’.
It feels like you have deeply connected and felt what is happening in your body Susan, and in this way are able to connect with your medical practitioners and use the process as a true healing.
This such a powerful and lovingly shared blog Susan, thank you.
Your blog was very insightful. Your honesty made me aware of different things to consider, especially the need to let go of patterns that don’t support us and reflecting on why we might hold onto these.
Beautifully said Kristy, for it is not the patterns that harm, but our holding on and repeating them that does.
I feel I have been inclined to blame the patterns and your comment has allowed me to feel that it is the ‘holding on and repeating them’ that is embedding these patterns even more deeply into my body. It’s beautiful that, however much we may continue to unfold, there will always be another level and hence always more expansion for both us and the world in general, and no longer do we need to hold onto the concept that we have to ‘know everything’. Having said that, as we open up more to the Ageless Wisdom then we do have a sense of a deep knowing – but this knowing comes from a sustainable source, and not the intelligence that we have for so long depended on.
Susan,
It took me a while to grasp that my patterns were not me. But I am so glad I have. I know so much more clearly what is affecting my body these days, sometimes this can really challenge me, but on the whole, there is a deeply felt appreciation for knowing what I now know and for choosing to deepen my connection to myself and let go of the patterns that are not gelling with what I feel from deep inside.
I had one of these lightbulb moments on this very subject today. Blaming the pattern gets me nowhere and when I actually stop and say to myself that I am the one choosing it, it’s like the reaction has no foundation any more. And by allowing myself to entertain the possibility that it’s not the real me choosing to repeat these patterns over and over again, another load of self-bashing drops away. It then becomes, why did I leave me to do something I would not truly choose to do?
Dear Leigh Matson,
For me, responsibility and how we feel about this word and what it brings to us deepens greatly from the experience you shared here. I love how you share that once you become aware of a pattern and choose not to go with it, that the reaction has no foundation any more. This too has been my experience.
Yes, Groundhog Day happens so we can learn from our mistakes, make different choices, but if we don’t see we have a choice and an opportunity to let things go, we will forever play victim and repeat patterns, which is incredibly harmful to our minds and bodies.
Susan I know too well what you are referring to. My stubbornness and resentment have played havoc with my digestive system ever since I can remember. Only through the work of Universal Medicine have I been able to delve into the root cause of the problem: allowing others to direct my life then feeling hard done by. What a wonderful feeling to let go of resentment and rubbish in my body.
Susan I loved how you said I would need to start taking responsibility for how I have lived my life. As I read this I could sense the arrogance in my body. The arrogance of how I’m treating my body and because I’ve had no major illness in life I feel like I’m getting away with it. However lately I’m starting to fear that if I don’t change the way I care for my body then I could be faced with a major illness and all along I’ve known that this way of living is not healthy for me.
Yes, Lindell, arrogance keeps us so distanced from all that is true. I felt I was invincible because I had not had all the major ills that my friends were suffering and this enabled me to ignore the ‘big white elephant in the room’. Because I could self medicate for my minor ills I could fool myself that I was healthy but this was far from the truth. As I have become more honest I am finding a way to live life that is more self honouring and self loving and building a deeper connection with who I truly am. I am seeing the many layers that I have used to keep myself in ignorance and as I let go of these layers I am becoming more fully integrated in the way I live life. Life is simply becoming more amazing day by day.
In letting go this allows me to be open in ways I would not imagine. My body is my guide with this and the help of Universal Medicine in my understanding.
Your comment says it all so simply and so beautifully – our body is such an amazing marker that supports us to really connect to how we are living our lives in an ever unfolding way.
Yes Susan and the marker is clear to what is working and not working towards the vitality we can all live with.
It is amazing as everything unfolds we become aware of an inner knowing and with this simplicity that we find within, we do as you say become more vital and engaging with life and with everyone.
“Allowing others to set the ground rules, so that I could then hold on to resentment that I have not been treated properly” – this feels very familiar to me right now, and it was very healing to read your sharing. Thank you, Susan. It’s simply remarkable how esoteric medicine supported you to have an understanding of the energetic meaning of the symptoms, which then allowed you to gain deep insight into the pattern of your behaviour as you went through your experience. It feels totally holistic.
Yes, Fumiyo, it does all make sense when we allow ourselves the time to look at life in a deeper and more loving way. Without love I would have become lost in beating myself up for being so stubborn but with love I can see that this is not who I am just a way that I have employed to stop feeling the hurt – and guess what – the hurt doesn’t go away it just goes deeper into my body until I am ready to heal. My body is amazingly patient with me and allows me time to see the patterns that are not supportive as I slowly become more willing to open up and allow the process to unfold.
Susan, I can relate to so much of what you have written. Thank you – I will spend now some time reflecting on where stubbornness is holding me back in my life.
Susan it’s perfect I’m reading your blog today, as I consider how set in my ways I can be and how I can stubbornly hang onto things which no longer work for me and often never did! Your comment ‘allowing others to set the ground rules, so that I could then hold on to resentment that I have not been treated properly.’ resonated really strongly with me, I have often run life this way and I’m learning now to let it go and step forward and take my responsibility. I love how you adapted your approach and began to consider your part in it all and what that might be, and how with that, everythiing changed. This is truly amazing and the absolute opposite of everything we’ve been taught in life. We run away from our responsibility and don’t want to see our part and yet when we own our part we open up a space for a completely different way of being and we find life is different, we no longer blame the other but we can willingly embrace what might be there for us to learn in this situation – today I’m seeing how I am more willing to be responsible while also being aware of those gaps I still allow which always impact me despite me thinking I can get away with them, I can’t. And now i can say that’s amazing as it’s a pull for me to be more responsible and loving in my life, to take more care. Thank you for a blog to remind me.
Being more responsible and bringing ourselves up as well as others is an important part of appreciating ourselves. You see what I now understand is that it is fundamental to appreciate ourselves while we make changes to move forward through something or let go of something as this naturally supports us to male those changes loving and with a clear understanding, which then naturally allows us to enjoy the process.
That is just beautiful Amina, that taking responsibility is indeed appreciating ourselves and of course that lays a foundation for us to make the next needed changes, and it makes the process not a chore but a joy, a journey we take, and an ever evolving deepening relationship with us.
Now that is an interesting analogy – and possibly true as when I treat my body as the true and trusted friend that it is I do feel a sense of oneness with the world!
That is hilarious Nicola and lovely to see that it is actually true! Every-body becomes your friend when you open up to your body.
Even funnier is when I start to relate to my body more gently it stops reacting so much with inflammation responses which is so true of my relationships with others. When I approach others with the same gentleness and openness rather than harshness and protection they are usually a lot less bristly!
This is so funny and yet quite tragic!!! We could honestly do relationship counselling from reading the way we treat our colons and as a result the rest of our body!
The truth of what you say Lucy is immense…………yes it’s funny but at the same time true and lovely to feel how very much sense we can make of life when we allow a connection with our body. Our colon is only reflecting back to us in a very practical and unavoidable way the neglect of our body and the way we hang on to life being the way it has always been. When my colon is flowing, so is life!
Thank you Susan – what an interesting story and I loved hearing about how beautiful you colon is – it seemed as if by making friends with your body, you found yourself making friends with every-body!
And how much you were taken care of and how much you allowed this care to happen!
Susan your words are exactly right, it is about giving an opportunity instead of holding on to a picture of something that may not even be real.
The human body is indeed an amazing thing … Who would have thought you could love your colon and on seeing it admire and appreciate it’s beauty. Puts a whole new perspective on things.
How lovely that age is no bar to being able to let go of something usually so embedded as stubbornness… What a paradigm breaker! Usually as people get older they hang onto things more and more, afraid of change, resistant to things new, and here is someone doing something diametrically opposite to this… Really letting go… Wonderful!
Thank you for your comment, Chris. For so long I lived a life that was afraid of change in any area of my life, but once I began to let go, it felt like I did not have an alternative if I wanted to be able to live a life of joy and love, rather than one of fear and anxiety. It is a work in progress but as I become more aware, the possibilities open up before my eyes, and this way each day becomes a new beginning with new opportunities to explore and expand.
Wow, I like it Susan, such an honest and matter of factly look at yourself and all revealed through your willingness to get to know your colon better. And I agree with Tony, you make a colonoscopy a pleasant ride being on a scenic tour on vacation, makes me real curious how I look from the inside.
A very revealing article Susan. This so clearly demonstrates the way our body responds to the choices we make in life, we just have to learn to listen.
Susan you make having a camera put up your bum sound like a pleasant experience , I love it.
That must have been amazing being able to see the inside of your own colon and then appreciate how beautiful and healthy it looked.
I love how this article demonstrates unequivocally that our body is so truly our best friend. Our body records so faithfully every choice we make and conforms itself to express everything that we have put into it through our actions, thoughts, emotions and ways of being. Our body is truly such a beautiful and faithful friend. I love bodies and their completely open honesty.
The part that most stands out for me is..”This situation allowed me to see that this is how I have lived my life – allowing others to set the ground rules, so that I could then hold on to resentment that I have not been treated properly.” I am beginning to realise this is a pattern I fall into a lot and can see how this way of behaving does not support me to grow at all and keeps me small. Thank you Susan as you have shared many insights in regards to a daily process in the body – one I will be considering more.
Reading this has offered me a whole new way of looking at constipation and potentially messy parts of the body which are in fact deeply beautiful and need lots of love and care like me.
Great insight Susan on the way we hold on to all the things that we think are precious: our way of living and how we are in that: stubborn, determined and above all comfortable. I like your analogy of holding onto our rubbish in the same way as we would not live in a house full of stinky rubbish, so why would allow our bodies to hold onto our internal rubbish?
Wow Susan as I read this, it made me realise how stubborn I have been towards my self. I too used to suffer the constipation despite eating the done thing, high fibre diet, exercise and drinking plenty of water, I must have also been really stubborn. I am bringing more awareness to my body, reading your experience has made me realise I treat my ears in a similar way.
I am under a specialist and I could feel he used to dread me coming in for my appointments! Working in the hospital environment for over 20 years, I didn’t want to be a patient, it was always me caring for everyone else but myself, I came last no matter how sick or unwell I was.
Now I realise since having esoteric sessions, meeting Serge Benhayon in August 2014 and attending the workshop, but also reading other people’s experiences, which is a healing itself, that it is first about me, and trust that others around me will be taken care of.
Susan you have just made me realise how I need to be with myself when I need to be cared for, no wonder my ears are not healing. Just as much as the colon has a responsiblity to release, so does the ears. All along I have not been listening to the truth.
This was a great blog to read Susan, lift the lid on a rather hidden subject, the bowels and the experience of colonoscopy. The openness and honesty with which you wrote has made me review my own situation and given me a greater understanding of stubbornness and holding on and how it affects the body.
Thank you Susan for being so open and honest with your experiences – your gems of gold will help many people. For me this is really relevant “allowing others to set the ground rules, so that I could then hold on to resentment that I have not been treated properly.” Great realisation and one that I too have noticed at play in my life…. time to change who sets the ground rules!
Susan I am amazed that you can write about such a delicate and intimate subject with such grace, honor, and openness. I feel blessed too.
Thank you for sharing your experience Susan, you reminded me to remain aware that I too sometimes do not honour how I feel and just go along with a situation only to find later that I hold resentment. For me this has stemmed from not feeling worthy of supporting myself, not wanting to be a nuisance, a pattern I am gradually changing.
I enjoyed reading your story even though it made me a bit uncomfortable at times. Your honest sharing is a testament to the fact that how we live, impacts our bodies. And I know/knew that, but when I read your blog, it confirms it with the details and that this truth you write about is inescapable. And that we can choose to be a victim of circumstance, or take much more responsibility for our lives and create much more awareness around our situations. I know I ate too much yesterday and my body told me it did not like it. And I can be a bit blasé about it but when I truly connect to it, I can feel how dishonouring that is. Thank you for highlighting the incredible relationship we can have with our bodies and with the medical industry.
Like you Sarah, I can be blasé about my commitment to my body, but when I do take time to connect truly and deeply, there is no escaping the amazing truth, and even though this truth can feel overwhelming, it is only reflecting back to me a true depth of care and love. It is like having a friend who constantly offers you the truth and love without any frills. It is something that cuts through all the crap of life and gives you a straight and honest answer.
There is much for me to take away from this very honest writing. Stubbornness is a trait I also know well and it is inspiring to feel the choices you have made to let go of this pattern and to be open and embracing of a new way, and one which comes back to the simplicity of what truly cares for and honours our body.
Thank you Susan for your comment. What I am realising is that I am as honest as I can be at any given moment but that changes and as I deepen my connection to myself my honesty deepens as well. What was honest last year may have given me a small part of the puzzle but as I continue to change I am given more parts of the puzzle and gain more understanding on the precise details of how I live my life and how I can truly evolve and honour my truth.
Awesome blog Susan – whilst reading your blog, I had an awareness of hidden pockets of stubborness I have been blind to. I am feeling inspired to look deeply into these stubborn areas I hold on to and to learn to let them go as well. Thank you for sharing with such honesty and openness – it has supported me to address this in my own life.
Thank you Anna – as I allow the stubbornness to surface I am finding how deeply – and widely – it has affected my life. It has held me back from connecting, but as I let go and commit more to loving myself, I find that I have less need to hang on to something that stops me from connecting to the amazing woman that I am. it is just another of those things that stops me from shining in the world, as I stubbornly hang on to the ‘my way’.
A bit of an ouch here Susan when I read this line ‘allowing others to set the ground rules, so that I could then hold on to resentment that I have not been treated properly.’ A lot of people are living their lives like this and it creates such a victim mentality, as if we are not able to do anything in whatever situation we are in. I sure believed I could not change anything and I was very frustrated and resentful about what life was offering me. Now I can see through this pattern and let myself feel the sadness that was underneath my frustration and resentment in the first place.
And another thing I would like to add is that I am so used to struggle that now my life is becoming more simple and joyful I tend to not trust that this is the way life can be on a daily basis and bring something in to struggle again. Another ouch!
Hi Annelies – I still can become caught up in the struggle that I have made life to be by making things complicated when there were so many simple ways that I chose not to see. It is beautiful once we choose to see the simple option rather than being caught up in the cycle of ‘life needing to be hard’ just to give us an identity. That feels absurd.
The body is a ‘True’ marker for where we are in life, all we need do is listen and feel. Thank you Susan for sharing your exploration and your openness.
Thank you for your amazing insights and for sharing how your colonoscopy has contributed to healing a very old and ingrained pattern.
An absolute joy to read your intimate and truthful blog, thank you for sharing it Susan. It has given me a deeper understanding of my colon and what it does both physically and energetically.
It does feel beautiful as we gain a deeper understanding of our body and life, and how much our body can reflect back to us about life. Each time we gain a deeper understanding it builds until we feel more connected to the whole purpose of life and how we can expand our lives with one another and live in unity within the universe.
This was such a great blog to read – as I can relate to so much of what has been shared here. It really has awakened me to look at my own patterns of stubborn-ness and holding on that have definitely been there in some way or another since I was a little girl. Thank you Susan for your amazing reflection and description of this – there is much for me to ponder with from here.
It was lovely to read your comment Amelia. Stubbornness is a word that was barely in my vocabulary before writing this blog – and now I realise the depth of denial and willingness to connect to my colon or my stubbornness for a very long time. Each time I look at it more is revealed and a new depth of understanding is offered for me to see. It’s amazing how our body is always there supporting us to open up to the power of taking responsibility in our lives and to find new ways of being at one with the world in harmony and love.
We are blessed Susan to have you share your story and learnings with us; thank you.
A very timely reminder to allow people to support and walk beside us.
Thanks Susan for providing such insight into how stubbornness plays out in life. I can really relate to not being able to accept my faults and keeping face, instead of gently allowing change by letting go and moving on.
The more that I become aware of my stubbornness, the greater my understanding of how it has held me back from evolving and changing. I can feel the impulse to change but until I am willing to let go of my pride and arrogance I will hold on to the stubbornness to protect me from the world. In so doing I am only fooling myself, for this protection is an illusion and in reality only allows me a false sense of who I am and holds me back from being the complete and whole me, and to fully engage in the world.
It’s incredible the healing that can take place once we are willing to listen to our bodies and allow more support in our lives. Thank you Susan for sharing your journey.
Yes, Rosemary and there is a beautiful simplicity about this when we are willing to lovingly listen and accept all the wisdom that is being offered. For too long I have stubbornly held on hoping to get different results – and now I am realising that nothing is going to change until I do.
A very informative and inspirational blog Susan. Thank you for sharing so clearly your journey from relating problems with your colon to how you chose to be open to receive loving support. Beautiful.
Very inspring to read your blog Susan Lee, especially about the fact that we tend to avoid to take the responsibility for the symptoms our body is showing to us, as in your case living with obstipation issues for 55 years of your life before you started to listen to the message your body patiently was expressing for all those years. I can feel that I tend to accept the inconveniences I feel in my body as something I have to learn to live with instead of listening to as being a message for me in order to bring me a bigger understanding of how my choices do affect how my body feels. I can now feel that it is about taking responsibility for all aspects of my life and that I can not allow myself to let any stone unturned as by avoiding that, this would occur to me to be the convenient way of ignoring my responsibility and commitment to life.
Your comment has allowed me to see that I am so focussed on the doing in my life that I too ‘accept the inconveniences I feel in my body as something I have to learn to live with’. It is only when I make a stop in the day that I realise how far away from myself I have travelled and how painful it is when I leave myself behind. I am gradually building a foundation of love that allows me to be more present in the moment and to address these distractions away from myself. Why would I leave myself when I know how beautiful if feels when I am present with me and life is flowing.
There is so much you have shared here, but what I take away is that we are not victims of our circumstances but are responsible in every moment for what happens to us (even if we would rather pretend we are not). Thank you
A beautiful blog Susan about listening to our bodies, letting go and allowing more support in our lives.
Beautiful comment, thank you and yes, there is so much that we hold on to….and with that we make it about ourselves. Stubbornness (wow, what a word!) is huge and it affects our well being, health, relationships and how we wake up in the morning and start our day. Letting go, realizing that in fact there is nothing to hold on to..
Thank you Marietta for saying that ‘in fact there is nothing to hold on to’. It has made me realise that I still am holding on and not totally willing to let go and making life so much harder for myself. Now you have said that I have no more excuses for hanging on so tightly. As you say so much about ‘holding on’ is when we make life about ourselves. That is a big ouch moment for me.
Isn’t that great Susan, to realize that we are in fact holding on to things, and when we let go, then we make it about humanity. Beautiful what you share about making it harder, we have a tendency indeed to make life harder than it is. Great learnings here that I will take into my day!
Yes, I love too what Mariette has said about letting go is about humanity. I hadn’t seen it like this before.
Hi Mariette, I am back reading your words again – it seems that stubbornness is so deeply ingrained in my body from what feels like many life times of being stubborn. It feels as though my body is finally not letting me dodge the issue any more – it is saying this is your amazing opportunity to live life fully and without all these unnecessary complications – just let go and live life.
Wonderful Susan, I love your words. The holding on to things makes us also live in the past and not seeing every moment as a brand new moment where we can make other choices. Life is so amazing, it gives us so many opportunities in every single day to change and to relate to life and people in a different way.
So true Mariette – holding onto attachments and by so doing feeling that we can bring the past into our present is an illusion. The past has served its purpose and as we let go, we move towards the future with a new grace and dignity that confirms our every step -we realise that we are living the future now in the present.
After reading your comment my impulse is to check, where do I still have attachments and investments ? All these things make life so complicated and life can be so easy and light, if we choose simplicity.
Yes, Alexander what you say is so true – investments and attachments do make life complicated and I feel this is the way I have allowed myself to shield myself from seeing the truth. The truth is beautiful and spherical – but it can also be very uncomfortable when we have been living less than the truth by way of manipulation and deceit. Letting go of attachments frees us up to see the grander and greater all that there is – and as we feel all that we have been missing by this perverse behaviour our world expands as we become at one with everyone.
Your experience of acceptance and responsibility is wonderful Susan. Releasing and letting go must feel a fantastic by-product of the deep honouring and respect you feel for your body.
Stubbornness, holding on, hardness, fanaticism, racism, the list goes on… People holding on and not letting go of beliefs of some sort or another. To have the opportunity to build a connection with ourselves, so that we can let go and trust is the start of a profound healing that humanity does have to go through, I know I did, before we can really connect with of our inner heart.
Thank you Chris, it is healing when I can really feel that hardness is just a belief – nothing more, and that I can let this belief go whenever I choose. Once I am able to see the truth of where I am at I have a foundation on which to build more letting go and unfolding.
This is a really informative blog Susan. Imagine the effect on the health service if more people approached their medical procedures like you did. You took responsibility for the patterns that brought you to the point of needing a colonoscopy in the first place and this had a profound effect on everyone, including the staff attending to you.
Thank you Elizabeth, it did feel as though my openness allowed me to feel more of a connection with the staff and that truly impacted on the whole procedure. As I relaxed into the colonoscopy it allowed me to be able to connect and communicate with the staff and that felt so beautiful. I felt really connected to them – and that for me is what life is about – to realise that we are all the same underneath and that there does not need to be these barriers that keep us isolated. Thank you for reminding me – I had forgotten how truly amazing was the experience that I had that day. It was the beginning of a new unfolding.
This reminds me of a surgical procedure I had where my choice for local anaesthetic over sedation meant that I was fully engaged and participative with the surgical team. Not only did I feel integral in the process by being present, it also supported me back in that the surgeon could better gauge my discomfort levels and this inspired him to be more gentle during the procedure.
I find this a very interesting point Greg that both you and Susan chose to be present and engaged with the surgical process as it was happening, by making choices about the anaesthesia used. It made me reflect on my own experiences with surgery, and made me realise that I had always had sedation in the past for things like colonoscopies which showed me I had been only to happy to check out and hand over responsibility to the medical team.
Susan it was a lovely blog to read and the phrase which really stood out for me was ‘allowing others to set the ground rules, so that I could then hold on to resentment that I have not been treated properly.’ Ouch this resonated and I realise I have made very similar use of situations. Thanks for the awareness.
Thanks for your honest account Susan and for your personal sharing your relationship between stubbornness, holding onto things and your colon. What you share makes so much sense in relationship with the body, in that if we hold onto emotions, on a physical level things are going to get stuck.
Susan your experience replicates mine in so many aspects it is uncanny. “Allowing others to set the ground rules, so that I could then hold on to resentment” has been my way of life for a long time. A few days ago at the Blood Bank I was assigned a trainee nurse who although gentle, did not insert the needle properly. It was uncomfortable and painful. For a while I did not say anything but then decided to speak up. The supervisor removed the needle and reinserted it. This simple action felt to me as self-loving. In the past I would simply have put up with the pain and felt hard done by and carried this until my next donation.
As Serge Benhayon says, ‘the body is the marker of all truth’. Amazing changes can take place when we begin to listen and feel what our body is communicating to us.
It is great how you came to so many realisations about your different patterns of behaviour and how they related to your body. This somatic reference to our thoughts, emotions and behaviours is one of the most fascinating things I have learned from Universal Medicine too Susan, and your blog offers some very clear examples of this. Once you realised them, you changed and that is the most extraordinary healing – good for you Susan.
Lovely to read of your experience of becoming aware and letting go of a habit that had been with you for much of your life. So much to enjoy in this blog, new self awareness and appreciation, connection with others, appreciation for Universal Medicine and Esoteric Practitioners, awareness of how the medical system can support and joy of how amazing our bodies are and there is so much more…Thank you for sharing.
Thanks so much Susan, this has brought up a lot for me around Western Medicine, never being a great patient, even though mostly on the giving end as a nurse. Letting go of control and trusting someone else in a clinical procedure, no matter how highly trained, is daunting, because deep down I feel the training is intellectually based and there is no certainty that the clinician will be caring, loving and tender. What you have helped highlight is just how important it is to bring love to that process and how it returns the same back.
Your words “letting go of control” resonates in me deeply. I just realize, how much I still try to control sometimes. And how lovely it is to start to trust – in life, in other people and in me.
Yes Alexander, this seems to be an ongoing process for me – I let go of one layer of control and then I begin to go to a deeper level – and guess what – I find more control. It is something that has been used by me to survive for what appears to be the onslaughts of life for what feels like many lifetimes, and I feel will be forever unfolding to the end of my life. The joy is that as I let go of each layer, I also find a new depth of presence and love within.
We hear how there are so many different epidemics now in the world, from diabetes, to the dementia, my feeling after reading this blog is that stubbornness must be rampant around the world, with millions and millions of people choosing not to feel what the body is telling them, or if they do feel, to then ignore it. What Universal Medicine presents is an opportunity to reconnect with our bodies, and to truly feel what is happening.
Thank you for sharing Susan, you’ve shown how letting go and allowing others in totally changed your experience with your visit to the doctor, and how this can also relate to so many other areas in life as well.
It is great when we see how much we have fooled ourselves into thinking that someone else was responsible for all our problems – by fooling ourselves we block any chance of change. We often set the ground rules ourselves by our expectations of how we are going to be treated – the other person can sense if we are an easy target right from the outset. We keep ourselves in a cycle that is self abusive as we go on believing that we are victims when in actual fact we are just as responsible for the game of life that we are playing.
“I allowed myself to be driven to the hospital by a friend (having initially brushed aside her offer because ‘I didn’t want to be too much trouble’). As I am writing this blog I am starting to see how I allow stubbornness to come between me and making life simple and feeling the beauty of allowing others to support me.” – I am starting to ask for help more these days and allowing others to support me.
I squirmed a little bit whilst reading this blog – loving the honesty and sheer openness of all that was described. It makes so much sense that if we’re holding stubbornly onto old patterns that are not evolving us, that it could be mirrored in the body by a sphincter that’s not letting go of the waste that needs to be passed – in a state of energetic and physical contraction (for they are one and the same). Thank you for the blog Susan.
I like the part when you say you are now willing to grow up and embrace life – it just goes to show you are never too old to grow up. When we start to take responsibility for the mess we find ourselves in, it does feel like growing up. Great read Susan.
A beautiful article Susan. It’s wonderful that you could let go of the stubbornness, but also trace these patterns back to your childhood. Very freeing and empowering for you.
How amazing to be able to see your own colon Susan. I LOVE anatomy and physiology and when you describe how you related your whole physical experience to how you live your life, it makes so much sense and is inspiring. Imagine if we were all taught this when we had our first pain in the tummy or headache and also supported to take responsibility! Our medical system would look very different and cost a lot less for sure!
It is interesting how stubbornness plays out in one’s life and how silent it can be. I have dealt with thinking other people are better than me and that I’m not good enough. It’s a pattern that is so ingrained that it can pop in anytime and really suffocates the joy in life.
Am I allowed to live with joy? Absolutely, but the undercurrent of the silent, stubborn swirling thoughts that put others above me and therefore making me feel less are quietening. Susan your blog has reminded me that I can stubbornly hold onto holding back the joy that is there so to not upset other people, thank you.
Something I have also held onto is something very similiar, a way I have needed to be identified, how people have always seen me crazy because really it’s never been me
What a gorgeous article Susan. The change you have gone through here is quite incredible and it’s amazing how our experiences change when we open ourselves up to the people around us and then how our experiences then open up and change.
I had a true ‘Ah Hah’ moment when I read the words ‘ I let others set the ground rules because then I can hold on to resentment’ – very powerful and a true reflection of what I also do in my life. The greatest harm can be done in the supposed ‘being good’ and that is what has presented really clearly here. Thank you Susan for your reflection. Time to stop being good and handing my power over to others and then using it as an excuse for not being and living all that I truly am.
I can so relate to what you are saying Susan. I am stubbornly independent, too proud and afraid to ask for support, as it’s an admission of weakness and vulnerability. I can now admit to the silliness of “stubbornly holding onto my way of living life” and the resentment this holds. It’s liberating to let go and know that the love and support is there, and as you so wisely say “to stop running away from life and embrace it”.
One day the energetic causes of all our illnesses and ailments will be known to us all. How revolutionary will it be for us all to be taking responsibility for our ailments and how quickly and deeply will life change as a result. Bring it on !
An inspiring thought Alexis – life will be surely beautiful when we live by taking responsibility for all our livingness in every little detail of our lives. Each moment will be precious and we will honour ourselves and all those with whom we share the planet. As you say ‘Bring it on!’.
Thank you for sharing, Susan. I love how you say ‘ I feel that because I was starting to let go of my stubbornness and realising that I may have misjudged the first surgeon – that maybe he was not being uncommunicative but that I was not allowing people into my life’. I had an unpleasant experience with a surgeon removing a BCC from my face. I didn’t say anything at the time, but when I went back for my stitches out, everything conspired against me having time to express how I had felt. But, I did manage to say something. At first the Dr was very defensive, I could feel him bristle in front of me. However, I could also feel that he felt what I had said to him. Our next meeting was completely different. If I don’t express how I feel, how can things evolve and improve.
That is so true, Alison – when we hold back on the world we do not give the world a chance – it’s as if we are judging them before they have said a word. When we express our truth the world expands – we enter into the world and are a part of the whole. We connect to all – and that is so amazing and empowering.
Thanks for sharing your experience Susan it made me look at how I can also be stubborn, not except help through not wanting to put anyone out and quite often putting up with things that don’t feel right at my own expense. I had a camera stuck down my throat once, I almost begged them to be sedated but none was on offer, to this day one of the worst experiences of my life. Perhaps this would have been totally different if I had approached the whole thing in a different way.
Wow Susan what an insightful blog, thank you for sharing your experience. I have learnt so much from reading it. I loved that you are now opening up to receiving more support and taking responsibility for how you interact at your medical appointments- very inspiring!
Thank you Susan for this awesome sharing. You have supported me to bring more detail to a similar situation I found myself in.
And what a great blog it is. It’s so easy to focus on the end result and never look back at how we have gotten ourselves to this point. I know personally the honesty that is needed to rise above the condition and truly look at the cause.
Thank you Susan for sharing how you are learning to love your colon, and I’m sure you are now in full throws of loving your colon. I can so relate to your blog, and got a lot out of it. A blessing indeed.
Thank-you Susan this is very timely for me to read, because holding on to stubbornness and the resentment which comes from that has recently been what I have been feeling I have done. I am now aware that it is my choice to be more loving and understanding with myself and then by taking that responsibility I won’t just go along with what others want so as not to rock the boat.
Hi Susan, thank you for sharing this. You really showed how different can our experience of life be when we approach it with an attitude of acceptance and by letting people in.
Susan I loved reading about your experience. These topics aren’t usually talked about and yet we all learn so much when we open up and share. Thank you.
To really care for ourselves and let others care for us too is such a beautiful way to live. It is what we crave, yet find so hard to do at times! A great reminder here that it is well worth pushing aside that stubborn front to let care in.
Hi Kate – I so agree – stubbornness can be such stumbling block when we will not let go and let in all that love. It also inhibits us from letting out all the love that we naturally are when we are connected to our inner heart.
Thank you for sharing your experience with us. I had a colonoscopy a couple of years ago and it was a very healing experience as well, as I allowed myself to be supported all the way through it. It is amazing how the most unpleasant procedure can turn into a lovely experience if we ask and allow the support that we need.
It is about being willing to go deeper and that is what I have experienced from your honest and deeply reflective experience – Susan. I am realising that pondering gently on the ‘finer’ details of our life through the lens of our body can be and is transformative. This beautiful blog has highlighted for me, that I have clung to old patterns through stubbornness and also through control. The smallest decision can literally allow for flow in my life or can cause a blockage. Thank you Susan for sharing your experience, it has brought up much for me to consider.
There is so much in your story that I feel to respond to Susan but that would make another blog. I have also “allowed others to set the ground rules so I could then hold onto resentment that I have not been treated properly.” I have just turned 70 and feel that I have just grown up too. I now feel confidant enough to let people in and not feel threatened by them. Thank you for sharing such an intimate story. There is so much here to reflect on.
How freeing to be able to let go of old way of dealing with things that not truly work and allowing for simplicity and ease. Very inspiring writing, thank you Susan.
Simply realising that you have an important part in your health or illness is a huge step – one that everyone should know about. We so often think that events occur and are very unaware of our part in it. How amazing to see the change from your choice to be open and let go of stubbornness.
Thank you Susan, to share what a blessing and healing you have been through. Your personal story really shows up the relationship between our patterns/behaviors and its effects on the body. This is an area of medicine that certainly needs to be studied more and perhaps the findings would alter the focus of national health promotion programs. Zoe Sherrin made the comment recently to your blog and shared that this connection between thoughts and disease is called ‘psychoneuroimmunology’ . I didn’t know of this, and I will probably now go and look this up and see what is being talked about. And agree, Universal Medicine has been talking about this science for a long time… How the way we live has an effect on everything.
Hi Susan, thank-you for sharing your story. I recognize myself within the lines of your unfoldment and healing. Allowing others in to support and love has been a recent learning for me too, and when I do, I see there is nothing to fear, only many many lovely outcomes to enjoy and allow to multiply.
Thank you Susan, It is amazing how things can change and how our body reacts to things we hold onto in our lives, and are not willing to look at. Our body never gives up, what a great thing to have!
Great blog Susan, it is fascinating to hear how your relationship with your body has unfolded. You have given me some valuable insights into stubbornness, thank you.
Thanks Susan, I love your approach once you were aware of what you were choosing and the difference this made to your experiences. You have really embraced and taken responsibility for what is happening with your body and the love and support that is there.
Thank you for sharing your experience here Susan. I can relate to the stubbornness of ‘that’s the way I do it’ but I hadn’t joined the dots with the constipation I occasionally have. Your writing has given me much to reflect on for myself – thank you.
Thank you for sharing so openly about a subject that can be quite awkward to discuss. I often found that when I travelled away from home I would become constipated. There was such an anxiousness about life not being in my usual control and therefore not allowing life to flow and unfold. Your blog has enabled me to realise my patterns and what my body was telling me.
Dear Susan I feel blessed by reading your blog. I had a time in my life where I was constipated regularly. This was when I was a new Mum and I can remember the pressure that I put on myself for having to do everything by myself, because if I didn’t I would be a failure. Subsequently me holding on to this belief stopped my from accepting the very loving support that I had around me. And as my children grew and formed relationships with others than myself I found myself living bitter and resentful. Even though I already had very beautiful connections with my children. Such a horrible scenario that I created in my life at that time. Like you it is through my association with Universal Medicine that I have been able let go of the guilt that I also carried for being this way. Guilt for behaving so hard, arrogant and constantly needing to prove myself. Guilt for how much this hurt others. I cannot change what I did then, however each day now I live loving myself deeper and deeper and this allows me to love others equally so and many of the relationships that I have in my life that endured my years of needing to be perfect are changing. They are becoming more loving, caring and much more open. I no longer hold back so much of myself for fear that another will find fault in how I am being. I feel now how truly powerful it is to express how I am truly feeling and how this truly supports me.
Good bye stubbornness Susan, you’ve certainly let go and allowed the expression to flow, and what a gift you’ve shared. Thank you.
Such a wonderful account Susan and such great insights, the description of your beautiful colon allowed me to imagine and feel my organs in a more lovingly and connected way. Your article have given me much to ponder, thank you.
I love the detail you have described and the different stages you went through and discovered along the way, when you allowed others to support you and your body. I must say, I like the idea now of being awake and not sedated for a colonoscopy next time I have one… it was an amazing experience but I would love to see my colon as well. This is something I have been exposing lately in myself as well – “Allowing others to set the ground rules so that I could then hold on to resentment that I have not been treated properly.” … it is so different when I catch myself going into this old pattern and pull myself up which is easy once I remember how it will feel after if I proceed.
Susan, this feels so familiar.
It was so normal for me to endure things and smile and not even notice how unhappy and hard I was.
It is incredible how my life is starting to change since allowing others to support me. Now the joy of the small boy inside me is coming back to the light :o)
Susan, I have found much to reflect on after reading your blog. There are many aspects to stubbornness in my own life and your story and the comments of others has given me plenty to consider. Thank you all.
We do hold on to resentment. ”Allowing others to set the ground rules so that I could then hold on to resentment that I have not been treated properly.” Ooh I can relate to this and feel the irresponsibility – something to ponder on. I love the humour with which you write. Thank you Sue for sharing.
I too know this behaviour well Susan. Curious isn’t it how the ‘going along with instructions’ you describe appears to be the opposite of stubbornness? Having read your words I can start to feel how playing the resentful victim has allowed me to stay stubbornly attached to ‘my way’ or ‘my view’ rather than actually openly engaging with the world and what is actually true. Thank you Susan, I love how your words on stubbornness have helped me let go of this way too.
Great reflection for me to look at how I live and the choices I have made. I have been told a few times I am stubborn but I don’t think of myself that way. Something for me to look at here. Previously I thought constipation was only directly due to food consumption. So much more to it and our body reveals what we’ve been holding on to, not dealing with and in relation to that we choose certain foods to numb it.
Thank you Susan I have learned so much more about myself since reading your great blog.
Susan I enjoyed reading how you let go of stubbornness and how that changed your experience of everything. I can relate to being stubborn in areas of my life so this is great reminder to let go, surrender and be open to what unfolds.
Thank you Susan for this lovely sharing – As I was reading through so much related to the way that I was behaving with myself – stubborn to the point that I was quite capable of doing ‘things’ in life for myself, even if support was there or offered, I refused. Yes this did lead to lots of episodes of constipation – hanging onto the old patterns and beliefs that everything was ‘alright’. I was so not being honest with myself and, like you Susan, I to had to go for investigations and get checked out. I still feel that this wake up call was literally a chance/choice for me to make changes and this I did – gradually and gently allowing more self loving choices into my life – this was possible with the support from the amazing esoteric practitioners and attending presentations from Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon.
Susan: thank you for sharing your story and I can totally relate to what you have shared. It never ceases to amaze me the magic that happens when we let go of a pattern or behaviour that we have been stubbornly holding to, simply because it had, over time, become a part of us, a part that we have identified with and sometimes even proud of – as if we were saying “Hey look at how stubborn I am!” It’s almost like we are scared to consider what will become of us if we let this pattern or behaviour go.
I had never really owned that I was stubborn, but had that bliss-full ignorance shattered last year when my daughter and family came to live with me for six months. Our living areas were separate, but they shared some of my facilities. And wow, was I was exposed in all the ways I had been stuck in routines that had become deeply entrenched in my life. My catch cry –“ But that’s the way I have always done it!” almost became embarrassing and in the end I started laughing at the ridiculousness of it all. So I was presented with a choice – a choice to hold on to all these old and unnecessary routines or to embrace change. The choice was actually very easy and instead of digging my heels in and refusing to change, I simply let go with the knowing that holding on was a waste of energy, and doing so was actually harming my body. I was delighted to discover that it was very enlivening and very refreshing to do things another way, and in return my body was definitely thanking me. Like you my deepest appreciation goes to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine for presenting the wisdom that has supported me to open my eyes to so many new possibilities and a new way to live.
I feel we can all relate to “letting go of stubbornness” can be sometimes challenging. But “letting go” is being open to Love and also “letting your Love out” and that Love reflects back to you (and you will let more Love in). Thank you for writing this, a very beautiful blog.
Understanding the body as one that reflects and responds to all that we think, say and do is potent medicine indeed. Susan’s blog show us clearly how not dealing with our ‘stuff’ has direct medical consequences. There is a branch of science called psychoneuroimmunology (bit of a mouth full) that basically studies this connection Susan describes – the connection between our thoughts and the effect on the whole body. Something that Universal Medicine has known about all along.
What I like the most was looking back and saying “I had this since I was a child but I didn’t deal with it”
Great appreciation for me as the younger generation to see that it’s never too early nor should we think that I’m too young to look at personally developing myself and not holding onto personal issues.
As you speak of your ” deeply honouring and respecting your colon and body ”
I feel to honour and respect you for your open sharing here Susan.
Opportunities come all the time for us to take responsibilty, to end the ‘pretence’ and embrace life.
I can totally relate to your blog because I am also stubborn and I have much to reflect from your writing thank you
Such a wonderful account Susan and insights too, it’s made me reflect on the organs of the body and their beauty in supporting us back towards their natural stasis, that of harmony and truth.
Hi Susan, great story, allowing our self to feel how precious and beautiful our body is and how it deserves all the support that is offered and when we allow that, then all we feel is love. The love we are and being held in love.
That is so true Paul and when I began the path back to reconnecting to myself, the love that I encountered allowed me to meet life as it really is and to stop running away and pretending that I could hide from life. My body is such a great marker when I am willing to connect to it and to listen to what it is telling me, and even more, I am finding that my body is the most wonderful part of me when I engage with it – and find out that what goes on in the inside is just so amazing. I never thought that I would love my body so much.
In truth, the only time most people pay attention to their body is when they can no longer ignore that it is not working properly. As you say Susan, “I will not listen to my body giving me signs that everything is not OK until the last minute.” Why do we do this to ourselves? Our body is full of wisdom. It tells us loud and clear when it is tired, thirsty and hungry. So why then would we doubt what it is telling us on the bigger symptoms and issues? And why do we avoid addressing them? I agree Susan, we can be very stubborn indeed and that is obviously to our physical bodies detriment.
Allowing yourself to let go and let others support you Susan just shows that you are learning to care for yourself in a much more loving way. Fantastic.
Hi Susan. I was amazed and almost envious of the fact that you chose the option to view your colon during the Colonoscopy and now have such a lovely relationship to a part of the body that we, well I, would never have imagined could be. Having had a colonoscopy many years ago I don’t remember being offered this option but I doubt I would have chosen it at the time. I too have had difficulty in accepting or more to the point asking for help when I need it. Thank you for such as great blog.
Gorgeous Susan. The way you have described stubbornness makes very clear that it is in itself a form of illness – well before the constipation, the polyp, and the tumour. And our dear body keeps telling us what we are doing to ourselves, unremittingly, until the day that we are prepared to stop and listen to its subtle voice.
What is revealed by our bodies delicate words are patterns so old, and stale and ingrained like “allowing others to set the ground rules, so that I could then hold on to resentment that I have not been treated properly.” This is something I relate to, completely. You have given me a moment to pause and take stock of where I still allow this old pattern of compliance and resentment to run the show.
What a beautiful powerful sharing Susan, thank you deeply. I can most definitely relate to what you have written about. The true support and Love that Serge, Universal Medicine, and the practitioners offer is invaluable, and as you have shared life changing when we are open to letting go and healing our hurts and letting Love flow through us again.
You are blessed Susan and you have blessed me.
As I read your article it dawns on me (at the fourth paragraph) that you actually had to go to hospital to have your colon checked out. At this point I felt myself change and listen more deeply to your story (out of concern) and I became aware of my deep response to you as one human being to another human. And I began to feel that we, all people, have a response to everything. We really do feel everything and we really do care about everyone whether we acknowledge it or not. It stirs in us in our bodies because it’s the way we are built. We were built to love.
The body is constantly showing us how stubborn we can be about our choices. This blog has reminded me that when I choose to not let others help me I am not choosing simplicity in my life. OUCH! A far great revelation than I thought.
Thanks Susan.
Thanks for sharing Susan. I feel a little stunned after reading your blog. I think I need to do some work on stubbornness.
Every detail of my body tells me something about how I live my life, that I am responsible of. To become aware of this is something, I also learned with Serge Benhayon. And it is so simple and easy to put in practice of my daily-life!
What an amazing journey into understanding our stubbornness and how it can override what the body is trying to tell us. I particularly loved the line where you say, “It felt more lovely than I would have realised to at last be seeing that I could be wrong and to not be a victim of circumstances.” What a powerful turning point. Thank you, Sue, for sharing your journey — which is everyone’s journey.
It’s amazing to understand how stubbornness and not asking for support are so related to constipation. I can see this outplays directly with our food choices. Do we stubbornly continue to eat food we know isn’t good for us refusing to let go of old habits and attachments for more reasons than we care to admit?
Thank you Susan, for sharing this most intimate of procedures with us. I can really identify with the description of the first surgeon who was a bit stand-offish and avoided eye contact. I had a similar experience many years ago when I first discovered that I had haemorrhoids. Similarly, I had to get used to some very invasive examinations and sometimes I became stubborn and uncooperative.
I soon learned that this would be reflected in the behaviour of the doctor and therefore, I had to learn to relax a bit, in order to progress the examination. Since giving up all gluten and dairy products however, everything in that area now works much more efficiently, and I’m bothered far less often by the piles.
In stubbornness we hang on to things and it is crippling and it reduces us. When we are open to the flow of things/life it creates space in our bodies and we can loosen up and let go of what is not needed anymore. Thank you Suzan for a great blog and for helping me to reflect on stubbornness.
I loved reading your blog Susan, stubbornness is something I have been known to have too, along with the constipation. I also had a colonoscopy which I had an anaesthetic for and then the surgeon woke me up once he had inserted the probe so that I could see it on the screen too. I was amazed how clear and pink and clean it was, for some reason I thought it would be nobly ugly and discoloured, I was amazed how beautiful it looked, not something you would expect to see inside your body. Since having had it done about 12 years ago I no longer get the pain I used to get in my abdomen, it was like I had a different respect for that part of my body and became much more aware of my colon in a more loving caring way
This article should be available to everyone who is preparing to have a colonoscopy. It is an invitation to listen to our body and consider that possibly, just possibly, the stubbornness we hold on to in the way we live is having an affect on our body and that there is a different way to be.
Lovely to read your blog Sue and see how all your choices not only led to a much more loving experience at hospital but also how you exposed the stubborness and are letting it go and allowing the love and support in. I can also relate to that stubborness and can feel the areas where I struggle on not asking for support and how hard my body gets as a result. By contrast, asking for support is so much more loving and my body responds by feeling much more spacious.
Not asking for support but struggling on on one’s own does result in hardness in the body, “asking for support is so much more loving and my body responds by feeling much more spacious” is absolutely true in my experience too. A beautiful reminder of the difference and how huge it is.
Susan, thank you so much for your blog. You’ve really helped me understand stubbornness in greater depth and shown it is possible to be another way and that other way is actually simple to introduce – not like one of my beliefs I stubbornly hold onto which is, to change ones behaviour has to be a great dramatic revelation with lightening bolts accompanying!! Feel like I am more able to see where I am stubborn and make a change – for example by saying something differently, or accepting help or asking for it when once I didn’t. Thank you so much.
I relate strongly to the stubbornness you described. Not letting people in to help and make life simple is a choice I have made many times. It takes quite a bit of breaking but as you shared, it is well worth doing. After all, we are not meant to be here flying solo and doing it all alone and your 2nd experience at the hospital is testament to the power in living more openly.
“I am starting to see that my stubbornness is about me holding on to the way ‘I have always done things’ and how I think life should be and that this arrogance does not serve or support me being who I truly am. This feels to be much the same as my colon holding on to all the rubbish from my body rather than letting it go and allowing my body to flow.” Great blog Susan. Taking responsibility for our part – in everything – is so important for our healing and living. Our bodies are giving us messages all the time, if we only choose to listen. Once I began to do this, treating my body with understanding, love and tenderness, various ailments just disappeared.
Sue it’s interesting to read how your relationship with the medical staff changed when you changed your relationship with yourself taking responsibility for your part with your procedure. I have found as I have taken responsibility for how I live, caring and loving myself deeply my relationship with medical people and procedures have become so supportive and something I really appreciate.
You are right Jinya, “Stubbornness is an illness and our bodies do not work well with it.” `It was a revelation when I connected to the fact that our physical issues come from our emotions and choices and that we create all our aches, pains and illness from this. I also believed that my body was nothing more than something that functioned to get me through life. But like you I have discovered the magic of my body communicating to me all the time. To be aware of this changes everything.
Thanks for sharing what is quite a personal account of your colon. We all grow up believing that the body is nothing more than something that functions to get you through life. There is little to nothing that tells us that our bodies might be communicating with us all the time… not until Serge Benhayon came along! It has been easy to ignore even the greatest pains as an inconvenience, but that is missing out on the magic and wonder of our bodies. I get constipated now and again and it is usually when I am choosing stay in certain way of living that is not loving or caring to myself. Stubbornness is an illness and our bodies do not work well with it.
Thank you once again for a great read and to be reminded of our stubbornness, holding on and refusing to ask for help. For years I would not ask for help but would struggle through and then have resentment towards others for not helping me. I found it very difficult to let others support me and I had a picture in my head that I was the one who could cope with anything and that I didn’t need anyone. These days I am allowing myself to ask for support and it is getting easier each time.
Thank you so much Susan Lee, your sharing is a deep healing. I am myself also in the process of the exact same thing. Always thinking that my constipation was a hassle and sitting in the way of continuing my life. And here I am feeling what you say in my whole body, the old stubborn life that I try to hold on to and go on with.. My body showing me how much it wants to show me that it can no longer walk and live in this way. I am truly touched and blessed reading your article. It reminds me of my relationship with my bowel, colon and so listening to it, this time for real. Taking my body lovingly serious and letting go of what I need to let go of.
I am well acquainted with my own stubbornness. As a child I remember being rather pleased to hear a comment that stubbornness can lead to determination as we grow up – except that I didn’t let go of the stubbornness. A stubbornness at not choosing to accept that the way I lived was affecting my health and how I felt about myself. A great learning from Serge Benhayon was when I heard ‘The way you live can be good medicine or bad medicine’. The good medicine is delicious.
Thank you Sue for this inspiring and very timely blog (for me to read now) as I have been really struggling with some of my own arrogance and stubbornness over the past little while.
This sentence highlights for me exactly one of the areas that resentment breeds from handing over one’s power to another – “……This situation allowed me to see that this is how I have lived my life – allowing others to set the ground rules, so that I could then hold on to resentment that I have not been treated properly”
Ouch!
Yes, Stephanie, I can feel that resentment is an ongoing process for me, and allows me each time to look at it from a deeper level whereby I can let go in the moment, and then allow more to unfold. This would have felt really daunting when I was younger and there would be an urgency to resolve the issue in one go. However, as I become more accepting of myself I can allow things to unfold in a more gentle and loving way.
I had never given my colon much consideration, a case of ‘out of sight, out of mind’. I just assumed it would continue to carry out its function regardless of what I put in my mouth and I never stopped to consider that my stubbornness might affect the function of my colon. Having a colonoscopy and seeing my colon on the screen made me realize that my colon was as much an essential part of my body as my feet or my hands and should be treated with the same care and attention.
I love your comment Mary – it reminded me so much of how I was! Like you I carried on regardless with little thought about what was happening and certainly never thought about the after affects, until they had a contrary effect. It was all about the taste and satisfying my emotional needs. Now that I have a connection to my body it flows in a more harmonious way. There is still a great deal of fine tuning, but at least it feels more responsible and loving to connect to my awareness and honour what my body is telling me. I now know this way of life will continue to support me till the end of this life.
I am to have a colonoscopy soon, and to approach it with the intention of embracing it rather than having to endure it, and also to ask to see the whole procedure on screen will make such a difference to a procedure that I have always dreaded having to go through. Thank you Sue for sharing your experience. How wonderful it is the way we can support each other.
Thank you Joan, it feels like a great honour to be able to offer support – it is amazing that when I was inspired to write the blog I had no thought of the outcome. It felt as though I was following an impulse from deep within to share me experience and it was only as it unfolded that I was able to feel that it would also support others. It is a wonderful lesson for me to learn not to hold back on these impulses, as was so often the case in the past. I am becoming more trusting, as life unfolds, to listen to my impulses, which now feel like a connection to God.
I have just learned I am to have a colonoscopy. To embrace the opportunity rather than looking at it as an endurance test will make such a difference. And to encourage myself to ask to watch it on screen and have the opportunity to view the inside of my beautiful body, that will be amazing. Thank you for sharing your experience, Sue, and how wonderful we can support each other in this way.
This is a great article Susan, thank you for so honestly sharing with us your journey through stubbornness and all that it means and the effect it had on your body. Lovely to feel the sharing of your openness with the surgeon and the difference that made. A great example of showing how we have the power within us to make a difference in all situations.
From my own evolution with medical procedures I feel that it very empowering to be a full participant and learn and understand what is going on, as you described.
I love what you say Michelle about being a full participant and how empowering this can be. For years I have stood on the by line of life and been a spectator – and a frustrated spectator at that! To fully participate is truly living life – or that is how it feels for me.
You know, Sue, what you’ve shared here brings to light many times in my life that I have held onto my view of certain issues or situations stubbornly, and would not be willing to hear the other person’s side of things for fear of being shown to be wrong. This is really a harmful protection technique that not only pushes people away, but retards my own growth through understanding others’s situations and learning from their unique perspectives on things. A lose-lose prospect indeed. I now always look at things (especially those that in the past would upset me) and see things from the viewpoint of others in a more understanding way. It really does cut down on overall stress and frustration, and usually results in better communication and resolving of a challenging situation.
Thank you for your lovely comment Michael – it is amazing how this fear of being wrong can hold me back – it feels like for many lifetimes. As you say, I too seem to have this way of holding on to something that is not serving me or humanity as a whole. Once I let go I allow others the opportunity of being seen for who they truly are and not this preconceived idea that is serving no one. And then life can flow more freely and lovingly.
Ah yes, that stubbornness trips me up every day! It’s great to recognise it though and know I have a choice to let it go, and like you Sue, going through medical procedures is always an opportunity to change, and let it go. And yes, Leigh, I agree that if we open ourselves to the expertise that is on offer, then we get the support, and the relationship with the medical practitioners becomes one of communication rather than a stand off, then we don’t feel alone any more.
I can relate to your ‘Ah yes’ in your comment Joan, it says a thousand words! I too have an ongoing relationship with stubbornness – and having ignored the fact for so long it is great to have it out in the open at last.
As both you and Leigh have said, it is truly amazing when we can accept the support of others and allow them to come into our lives rather than be closed off and alone.
What I have experienced with medical professions recently is that the support is there for us and when we take it it removes the feelings of being alone and self-bashing and more willing to care and support ourselves even more.
So true Leigh, that support is there when we are willing to receive it and it is a lovely way to connect with others. I know when I offer support and it is rejected I can sometimes take this personally. This can set up a chain re-action or, alternatively, I can choose to not react, which will support me, and will let the other person have the dignity of my honouring their choice and to not become imposing.
It can become a moment of understanding if someone rejects support, having been in that same situation I too could not fathom any other way of being. So how can I judge or take it personal as when I was in that mindset I knew nothing else. In the end it has to be their’s and our choice to support ourselves and asking for support from another.
Hi Susan, great description of the colonoscopy procedure and I am sure your blog will calm any fears people may have about having this procedure. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you Jullie – this is the part that so amazes me – that by living a life that is gradually becoming more aware and embracing of my body – I am able to feel the reality of all that is happening inside of me. From being someone who avoided anything that related to the internal working of my body and who would close their eyes if an operation was on the television screen, it was so wonderful to see the inside workings of my body and to have let go of some of that fear.
Yes, Mary, I too have yet again been feeling that stubbornness! It feels as though it has been hanging around in my body for far too long and that the more I have hung onto it the more compounded it has become. It is awesome that we are taking the steps that we are to loosen it ‘s hold over us and to begin the process of letting go.
Thank you Susan, for sharing this intimate account of a part of the body
which I’m sure many of us would rather not think about! I too am guilty of
‘hanging on to the way I have always done things’. However, since embracing
Universal Medicine I have noticed a marked improvement in everything that
happens ‘down there’!
Yes Jonathan, my acceptance of my colonoscopy is due to the changes in my life since embracing Universal Medicine. It has opened my life up in an amazing way where I am so open and full of wonderment at the scientific presentations that are available to us nowadays. Science was always an anathema for me and something that was ‘dry’ and unexciting – I would rather have lost myself in art. Nowadays it feels as though science is being presented in a way that allows us to see that we are science and that it is about our lives and the way that we live them.
Until I began to open up to the wisdom of the ancient teachings as presented by Universal Medicine I had little interest in anything that was scientific. After attending various wonderful and beautiful scientific presentations it now feels more accessible than it has ever done – hence my interest when being presented with the opportunity of seeing how science works inside of my body. For me it was a truly life changing moment that is now a marker in my body. What would have seemed like an enormous imposition now feels like an awesome opportunity.
Susan this is so amazing to hear you speak of your colon in this way. Many years ago I underwent the same procedure and was fascinated by how beauty-full my colon was, so pink and clean and lovely! It gave me a whole new perspective on my own body and an appreciation of the wonders that our bodies are.
I agree. This is a very informative and supportive article. I also underwent the same procedure a few years ago and initially was very embarrassed about the prospect. I finally opened up and mentioned it to one or two close friends and learned that they too had had a colonoscopy and were able to share their experiences. When I went for the procedure I received caring support from all the medical team and felt no embarrassment. Like Susan, I was interested in the workings of my colon and what it can show me about the way I choose to live.
Thank you Rosanna and Mary for your comments. For me it was a totally new experience to embrace this procedure in this new and beautiful way. I have always avoided anything that pertained to the medical side of life until I was encouraged by Universal Medicine to listen to my body and to understand that my body was not ‘going wrong’ to spite me (as I had tended to feel in the past!). By listening to my body I am now able to gain some understanding of why there is pain etc and that my body is sending me signals that I am using my body in a way that is detrimental and not caring and supportive. I am slowly coming to the realisation, with the support of some amazing scientists that the body is an amazing and awesome thing to behold and to love and nurture and to understand the detail of all that it has to offer.
I love the way the body gives me opportunities for learning all the time, and when I don’t get something, I get yet another chance. I am starting to think ‘why am I being so slow to let go of some old patterns of stubbornness?’ It’s great learning and thank you for your honesty Susan.
It is gorgeous, Gill the way our body is always offering us new opportunities to expand our understanding of what exactly it is that we are being offered. I know that when I am not open to the answer the first time my body will come back and remind me!
Great to bring out into the open a topic most people prefer not to discuss and to share your self revelations along the way. I have had similar experiences with seemingly cold detached doctors and nurses, before I realised that they were only reflecting to me how I was being with them. It is completely our responsibility to be with others how we would like them to be with us.
Thank you Doug for your comment – it is awesome once we begin to take responsibility for our experience of life – it feels so much more empowering than allowing life to happen to us, and hence feeling a victim of life. It is also beautiful to be able to support others in this way and to feel a true connection when we come together and work together.
That is so true Doug that people seem to reflect how we are with them and this is true in all situations. This never stops to amaze me.
I agree Maryline, and its a reminder I needed to read today!
I agree Mary – I am beginning to spot my stubbornness- that I wanted to deny until recently – but truth will out! I feel comfortable in my old patterns and it is/has been my way of controlling my environment in order to feel safe – or so I thought! All nonsense. Since discovering Universal Medicine I am constantly finding new ways to refine my way of living, all for the better – letting go of the protection that I thought served me. Great blog Susan – thankyou for allowing me to see deeper into my patterns.
Reading this article again I can appreciate how much detail you have gone into to give us a full picture of your experience. Thank you Sue. This is a blessing in itself.
I agree whole-heartedly, Elaine. I love the description of your journey with something that makes so many people so uncomfortable to even contemplate, Sue. You bring an amazing insight to us from your experience.
Thank you Naren – it was a privilege to have the opportunity to experience something that as you say ‘makes so many people so uncomfortable to even contemplate’ and to be able to view in a totally different and healing way.
Having just read the blog there is great detail. I felt at the time that I needed to express the full beauty of the experience and to be able to share with others just how wonder-full it was. It felt like a celebration.
This blog is extraordinary and a pleasure to read. My deeply felt thanks to Sue for being so honest.
It was great to write it Catherine – I have just re-read it and it was an amazing experience and a time of great acceptance and revelation. Thank you for your comment.
A very inspiring blog Susan, I nearly stopped reading it after the first line of the second paragraph but fortunately persevered. I hope I never have to have a colonoscopy, but if I do, I’ll adopt your approach. I’ve never heard someone put such a positive spin on such an otherwise very unpleasant ordeal.
Thank you Kevin for your honest response – I have just been back to refresh my recollections – I had to laugh to myself as ‘stubbornness’ and ‘constipation’ are not too subjects that one would normally warm to!
However, as you found out by persevering with your reading of the blog, for me these things were just so amazingly revealing and exposing, and this is what I find about the path that has been presented by Serge Benhayon – the things that once I would have shied away from are now things I warmly embrace. I have come to realise that as I accept these ‘distractions’ away from my essence, I actually am feeling more of a connection to that essence of who I am.
Thank you Sue for your sharing it is a very helpful reminder to connect to all parts of my body and to love it for all it is and not ignore it and expect it to just function.
To lovingly embrace every connection, every person, every situation and procedure I meet and allowing it to unfold is a blessing as you say.
I can see my stubbornness in patterns of my behaviour I had not even realised and how abusive and harming this is to my very being also.
Thanks for sharing all.
Thank you Tricia for your lovely warm response – the opportunity to communicate and express ourselves through the blogs and the comments and to connect to others was something that I had not really contemplated. It feels as though the whole process including the amazing editorial team has allowed us all to expand our experience of life in an all embracing way – and to give us all a sense of purpose, love and service to humanity.
I’m learning that my stubbornness has been very engrained with patterns of behaviour that I’ve been hanging on to, and only just realised some of them are even there. It’s great subject to have written on, thanks Sue.
When I began to write the blog I was aware that my colonoscopy had offered me an opportunity to expand. I did not however understand the full implications of firstly connecting to myself and in turn connecting to others and how it was about to unfold. The realisation and expansion of the comments offers us all an opportunity to connect further and more deeply. As you say, I too am seeing how my stubbornness is deeply ingrained ‘with patterns that I’ve been hanging on to’ – and the ridiculous thing for me is that I have chosen to ‘hang on to’ something that is abusive and harming to my very being.
Susan, I really appreciated the part of your blog where you accepted help from a friend. I too have been stubbornly independent for most of my life, refusing offers of help with automatic ‘no thanks, I can manage’. Crazy….
But I am changing, becoming more loving with myself, and more open to others, and now see that in brushing off offers of help ( and sometimes I did it with compliments too) I was keeping other human beings at a distance. Crazier……
Yes, Cathy, once we are willing to see our own stubbornness and the way we hang on to old patterns as if we might lose our control on life, and it does feel as though it is that need for control which is what keeps us stuck, we then realise that it is no longer serving any true purpose. Connecting with those around us feels to be the whole meaning of life, so it does feel perverse in retrospect that we do not allow ourselves to show how much we appreciate these offers of help. It is also healing to share our new awareness of life with others and to appreciate how far we have come. With love and appreciation of your comment.
The human body is an amazing piece of equipment which we can treat as just that or lovingly honour all it does for us. I wonder how many people who given the chance to look inside their own bodies would begin to treat it differently. Great blog Susan.
I am truly grateful that I was given this opportunity to familiarise myself with the inner workings of my body, Judy – it feels as though everything that ‘happens’ is an opening that I can either accept and embrace or I can become a victim of the circumstance. If we choose to embrace life it will offer us all that we have ever imagined, although it is in fact a reality that is a true way of loving and living.
I love your openness to life Susan. I can feel your embracing of life and situations that we could easily become down about. This is helping me, and I am sure many others, look at life in a different way. Thank you.
Being open and allowing myself to be seen in the world is an ongoing process – and just when I feel more open more opportunities are presented. I am now embracing this process as I know that as I change life becomes more amazing and that this will continue to the end of my life. I feel so blessed to have had this realisation when so many of humanity close down towards the end of their lives and ‘give up on life’.
Why is it that what we consider a ‘normal’ or accepted way of life has come about? It doesn’t feel like a ‘true and fulfilling life’ that would be lived in this way and one that God would choose?
My experience of God is that he is always there waiting for me to accept that I am a son of God and that I will choose to live as a son of God. I am still evolving and have not fully embraced this but from my life thus far I now feel deep down that this is how life is when I fully engage and embrace all that I am – a true son of god.
That does seem like a good idea, Jane that along with anatomy, physiology nutrition taught in school a greater depth of wellbeing and self care should be taught. I agree, showing the intricate and insides of organs would be very educational!
Great comment Jane. When I grew up (I am 70) There was no anatomy taught in primary school and I imagined my insides as a series of linked Jam jars dangling on string! Even at secondary school there was very little on human biology – we dissected rats, but were never taught the symbiotic and delicate balances of our own bodies. I think its better now, but we still have a long way to go for our young to appreciate what a wonderful piece of kit our body is, and how it deserves true care and nurturing
It is amazing how the way we are when we go into a situation has such a dramatic impact on the way it plays out, completely changing the experience. And, we can do this in every moment, the way we walk into work, how we prepare for a journey, and going to a doctors appointment.
This is so true Laura and so beautiful when we no longer have to be a victim of circumstances. When we make choices that support our body they impact not only on our experience of life but also that of others.
Thank you Susan for sharing.
Wow, I feel truly blessed to be reading this blog, it has brought tears to my eyes because I can feel how stubborn I have been but have not been honest about it. I can feel the same pattern of doing things my way but I didn’t want to relate this to being stubborn…until I read this. Your blog as brought me a much deeper awareness and not asking for support is such a big one! I could also feel the amazingness of our bodies and the experience you went through actually made you appreciate how amazing your colon is – it was like I was there and could feel every word in the sharing of your experience. A deep heartfelt thank you Susan for writing about this.
Thank you Susan, it is truly lovely when we can connect to not only our own body but also everyone else and as we do, we feel the love and compassion that has not been part of the way we have lived up until now.
I have also found in my body, when I am angry, stressed and under pressure, I get constipated and that’s such a warning that something is wrong. If I don’t listen to my body, I get tempted to eat foods that don’t support me and the constipation gets worse then I start feeling heavy, down in my body, everything around me starts to crumble and my body starts to harden, I start to feel sad, vulnerable, I go into reaction and self judgement. So constipation for me is great alarm bells. I am still working on this as they do creep up now and again.
Hi Amita, you have expressed this well… It has been easy for me to ignore the alarm bells as I often put constipation as something normal for me and don’t look at the underlying cause. Even when going to the doctor on more severe periods of the problem they have said this is very normal for some people… and yet when we normalise stress, anger, frustration and burying our issues we are not encouraged to take responsibility for our choices and our heath.
I agree Rachel, very well expressed Amita, without much mystery or shame and simply how it is truly felt in the body and how it affects our psychological wellbeing. I can relate to what you have expressed here Amita. How important is to bring attention to the early signs, choosing to feel what is going on, without the need to make it worse by sinking further into the mud with more unsupportive choices, falling into self-sabotage…which is just resistance and stubborness … Simply stopping and becoming accepting and gentle is SO much easy!
Thank you Amita – this has helped me to understand more of what is going on in my body as I had not fully felt into the whole process and how they are all dependent on me being fully connected and able to track the pattern that is not supporting my body and just ends up in frustration and more stubbornness!
This is very interesting Sue. I get constipated and I’m inspired to see if there’s a pattern with stubbornness for me.
Amazing article Susan. Thank you for sharing. Your journey is one of inspiration and a great example of how it can be when you ‘let go’ and also to being open to letting other people support you
A good point… “would I leave rotting rubbish hanging around my home”… and of course the answer is no! And yet when I get bouts of constipation it’s something I put up with and have “stubbornly” not wanted to deal with, “stubbornly” wanting to hold onto and “stubbornly” not wanting to let go!
Thank you for sharing your experience Susan. Stubbornness is something I have surely experienced myself. I can completely understand how it’s reflected in the colon through constipation. I use to practise as a Colon hydro therapist and have worked with so many colons. I found most people who had problems with their colon, mostly held onto lots of things. Most people misuse Colon hydrotherapy, as they felt they could eat and drink what they want and then have a session or two to flush it out. Extremely numbing and harming to the body.
Thank you sincerely Susan Lee for sharing this with us and I too like others have found your article simply profound. The change in you from the first hospital visit to the next and your experience blows me away.
Your understanding about how you got the colon cancer after 5 years of holding onto the rubbish known as stubborness makes total sense to me. I honour you for allowing us to feel what you have been through and the healing that came from your own choices to change the way you live and express.
Well done Susan – You are an inspiration and I hope you get this article out there into the world to all those colon related sufferers. Who better than you to share your own Truth coming from a lived experience.
And the more we let go the more our exquisite true nature is revealed. Thank you, Susan.
Yes. It’s a great comment (the whole blog is inspiringly honest). Visualising it so clearly makes it a no-brainer. And I love your follow up Jane. We hold on to so much junk. Physical, emotional, energetic. “why leave rotting rubbish hanging around”. Get it out, let go, clear the way. Awesome.
I also really love reading the comments and your beautiful responses. It feels like an ongoing unfoldment and a deeper level of healing.
Hi Lorraine, thank you for your comment – and as you say, the comments are lovely and an integral part of the blog. In some ways they are more beautiful in that they expand the original idea, which is usually just a seed of an idea or comment expanded upon. It is truly wonderful when we begin to experience this sense of infinity in our body – that nothing stands still and that it is all part of our unfoldment.
HI Susan, thank you for sharing your experience of internal examinations and a colonoscopy, and how we can effect the outcome simply by the choices we make and by taking responsibility.
Thank you Gill – it is beautiful to appreciate the changes that we are all making all of the time as we open up and unfold all of our true selves. I can feel how long some of those patterns have been there and it is a celebration of who we are when we let go.
I resonate with so much in your article and everyone’s comments. Our bodies are changing all the time as new cells and old ones decay, yet somehow I have lived as though my body is a constant, my interactions with others based on previous meetings, yet at a cellular levels, we are not those people anymore.
Daily, actually second by second, there are new beginnings in our body, as you write Sue time to start appreciating this, allowing our own unfolding and a new awareness of those around us
As you say Kathie we are forever evolving and changing and expanding both our bodies and our experience of those bodies. Each and every day there is something fresh to appreciate as we become more aware of the minute detail that is our body and as another blog puts it ‘God is in the Detail’ and that is certainly true of our body. It is a great and wonderful piece of engineering that when truly honoured and treated in a way that supports it fills me with wonderment. I love your comment that ‘actually second by second, there are new beginnings in our body’ – how amazing and wonderful is that!
And it’s still changing Sue, I can feel with your every comment what a healing you are continuing to get as you let go of the old ways. It’s so beautiful, well done.
As I read this blog and the comments again, my body is ‘singing’ with the inspiration of letting go, there is no limit to the expansion of the light within, when we are not holding on to ‘stuff’.
That is so gorgeous, Matilda – I love the feeling of your body ‘singing’ with inspiration – that is truly inspiring to read. As you say there is not limit to the expansion of the light within and that is something that I am now opening up to. It feels so magnificent when we realise that what we have now, which for most is soooo beautiful, is just the beginning of something that will expand and expand so long as we continue to evolve.
Thank you Gill for your comment – as you so rightly say there are many layers to our stubbornness – it feels like it is something that each time we employ a stubborn attitude it is building another layer of stubbornness on top of the previous layer – that is until we start clearing out the layers only to expose the one below. I am feeling it is a little like the amazing layers we see in rock formation – this feels like a good analogy as my stubbornness is proving to be as hard as rock to work on!
Hi Sue, how wonderful that you were able to change the quality of the interactions you had with the medical staff through changing your own attitude and letting go of the past experiences, so that you are no longer a victim of circumstances.
It did feel quite magical, Carmel, that something as simple as letting go of my pride and changing my attitudes could allow me to be open to the amazing staff at the hospital and share with them what was for me momentous occasion. Reflecting on it even now, it was a truly beautiful moment in my life.
Dear Susan, it’s so encouraging that you write so openly and as Monica has said with honesty. I love the insights about the old behaviour patterns you noticed along the way but sense too that whilst you are seeing the importance and significance of every step, there is a lightheartedness in your writing of yes I’ll deal with this, but I won’t dwell.
Your comment is beautiful Shevon, thank you. It feels so much more healing when we can learn from these old, often repeated patterns, and dwelling on things and attributing blame harms rather than heals. This is the most amazing part of being honest – I feel that I may be rejected for my past behaviour when people know the truth, however, instead of this it feels as though I am able to reach out and connect and in this there is a lightness that can be shared. As the old saying goes ‘honesty is the best policy’.
What a blessing it is to have read your blog, Susan. Your description of your visits to the doctor and the surgeon and how they changed depending on your openness and your approach to them is something we really need to be aware of. It’s also strong to feel that changes you have made around taking responsibility and looking at your part in what goes wrong.
Thank you Rachel – it makes life so much simpler when we choose to see our true intent and agenda when we feel like blaming others for how we are feeling. It is truly magic how once we are honest the outcome suddenly opens up and offers opportunities to reach out into the world and engage.
I have not been aware before of how beautiful it is when we inspire one another, Amina, and when we recognise the equality that has been there all along that unites us all to one another. It is so awesome to have met Serge Benhayon and become a student of life through all that Universal Medicine offers us and I do feel truly blessed.
I love this blog Susan, your honesty, wonder and willingness to go there. I am so stubborn (so many aha’s as I read!) about how I live and can feel how I’ve made life more complicated than it needs to be. And like you beautifully illustrate when we let go and allow another way the support is there, and increasingly I find as I let go trying to control things life flows and I feel more of an ease, I’m myself. There is more to go but a lot has changed especially in the last few years as I’ve engaged with Universal Medicine and their many wonderful practitioners and of course as I’ve committed more to me and how to live with greater self care and love.
Thank you for your great comment Monica. As you so rightly say when we do allow ourselves to let go of the control life has such a beautiful flow that we wonder why we would choose otherwise. What I am learning is that as well as the stubbornness I am also challenged by my own deceit and this leads me astray from the flow and wonder of life back down the road of ‘I will do it my way’.
As you also say it is amazing to have the support of Universal Medicine and ‘their many wonderful practitioners’ – we have been so blessed to have such loving support to encourage and challenge us on our path of return.
Another gem from this blog: ‘When I reach outside of myself I find there is so much support’. Allowing ourselves to be in full relationship with life and everyone we meet presents so many magical opportunities. Thank you, Susan.
Thank you Matilda for your comment – I can feel that beauty in you as you so tenderly expressed the following ‘Allowing ourselves to be in full relationship with life and everyone we meet presents so many magical opportunities.’
Thank you Susan, I too have become more aware of my stubbornness over the past couple years. It blocks me from embracing and accepting myself, others, life and love. It’s got to go! Thank you for bringing more awareness to the subject.
Thank you Jo – it is lovely when we are open to awareness and embracing of all that we are offered in every moment. As you say, stubbornness is something we use to block us from being all that we innately are and by having the awareness we can begin to let go and shine forth in our light into the world.
Thank you Jane for highlighting the impact of being aware of, and clearing out, any ‘rubbish’ in our lives. Letting go is actually expanding into ourselves in full relationship with life.
Heartfelt thanks Susan, for writing this deeply honest and inspiring article.
Thank you Stephen for your ‘heartfelt’ thanks – words are so beautiful and power-full when we connect to them – ‘heartfelt’ has such a full and grand feeling when we connect to it – you know exactly what is it’s impulse and where it is coming from. It is also amazing to be able to connect and be part of the greater universe and to expand when we communicate and express with one another.
An honest and inspiring article Susan. A great insight into this procedure and what your body was showing you in connection with stubbornness. The difference your choices made through having the procedure clearly showing the power of loving choices, thank you.
Every moment of every day I feel that I am offered new and amazing opportunities to expand and explore life. It is so beautiful to view life this way rather than my old pattern of feeling that life was challenging me. It is more fulfilling and in service to humanity when we can enrich our lives and those of others by the reflection of love that we can offer. Thank you, Ruth.
These deeply personal accounts of what are usually shared life experiences are always so interesting and inspiring to read. Thank you Susan for having the openness to share the intimate details of this procedure and talk honestly about a topic that I rarely hear about. I have learnt a lot.
It is an amazing privilege to be able to share these intimate details with such honesty and clarity – for me it is a totally new experience as in the past I did not want to think about such procedures let alone feel them! And yet the whole experience has been life changing and I now feel that I can embrace my body in a whole new way, that is real, mature and grown-up.
I have been so inspired to change my life by the example of openness and honesty of Serge Benhayon and his family
An honest and touching blog Susan. Hospital visits can be scary and intimidating. It’s inspiring how you were able to face the challenge and engage with what was going on so that you could make choices to support yourself. It’s also lovely that you allowed yourself to ask for the support that you needed. We don’t have to do it all on our own.
Thank you Jane for reminding me of the other rubbish and attachments that I need to let go of as they no longer serve me – and as you say ‘simply let go’. Humanity appears to have such an attachment to the past, feelings and things that no longer serve just because they are familiar and comfortable rather than embracing what really supports our lives and our bodies.
Thank you Susan, I love how you were able to see inside your body and became so fascinated with it. Letting go of the stubbornness is huge and you have described it so well.
Thank you Gill for your lovely comment, it was such a privilege to have this opportunity to become so familiar with a part of me that up until now I have only been able to feel. To be part of the outside world and be talking to the team while also having a guided tour around one’s colon is quite unlike any other experience I have had. After the procedure that was inside now felt so real and alive.
Up until this point in my life I have always avoided this kind of intimacy with anything to do with my body. It has opened my mind and helped me accept more of what is me, and inside me, and to what extent this intricate and complex body of matter supports me.
Thank you for sharing, Sue, with such honesty. I recently went through the same experience and by sharing you have enabled me to go a deeper level of understanding of my patterns and my stubbornness.
Thank you Jonathan, that’s the beautiful thing about sharing with honesty, we not only heal some of our hurt but we also support others along their path of letting go of old and deep patterns. It is such a blessing to have found the work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine and a privilege to meet others who have also chosen a true way to start living their lives.
Hi Susan, it is amazing how an experience can change completely once we let go and simply let ourselves be in the moment. We are then able to connect with everything around us in ‘real time’, and freed up to enjoy and find beauty in every situation.
Thank you Janet for your beautiful comment, I found it inspiring. If I choose to be in the moment my life becomes so simple and all the distractions of life melt away. The importance of the need is dissipated and life returns to its natural order.
Hi Jane, I totally agree Susan’s analogy for leaving rotten rubbish in the home is a great reminder to let all what’s needed out!
Thank you Mary for your comment. The beautiful part about writing the blog is that I too am expanding and feeling more and more of my stubbornness. How great is that! – With the support of Serge Benhayon I can deepen my honesty and begin to let go of my stubbornness.
Hi Susan, this was fascinating to read, and the responsibility you took to really learn the truth behind everything is inspiring – thank you
Thank you Meg for your comment. Taking responsibility for my actions and choices has been so freeing as it means I am no longer pointing my finger at others and blaming them for something that I am now willing to accept has a great deal to do with my long held behaviour patterns and insecurities. Being able to see my part has supported me and allowed me to become more aware of life and how it impacts on all those around me.
Thank you Susan, I like how you said that you let stubbornness come between you and making life simple, and how stubbornness is a way of holding onto things and to how we think life should be, I can really relate to everything you said and I will remind myself of your blog when I feel stubbornness is getting in the way.
Thank you Alison for your comment – I can feel that I too hold onto ‘how I think life should be’ and for me that is all part of my arrogance in that I feel that ‘I know best’. I can understand logically that if I knew best my life would then be different, but actually admitting that I have been wrong can really challenge my pride.
This is absolutely beautiful Sue. What I Love, is the way you describe the procedure – so effortless, free and flowing but with lots of detail (which I love!)
It is lovely to feel the reflection of your joy and enthusiasm, Shevon. It felt so precious to be able to reflect back on the honouring and respect of the Doctor and Nurses who so lovingly carried out the procedure. I felt that I was fully supported throughout by the hospital staff, by my friend and by the love that is available to us all when we reach out beyond ourselves to the universe.
Thank you Jane, it was beautiful to feel myself unfold to the process and begin to let go of old preconceptions. It felt such an honour to be able to connect so deeply into my body and to have this amazing relationship with my colon.
Thank you, Susan, for sharing so intimately and honestly. Your transformation from being a victim of circumstance to having a loving and responsible relationship with yourself (listening respectfully to your body) is inspiring and deeply appreciated.
Yes, Matilda, it is amazing how much power we have within to change all our previous preconceptions of life once we remove all the blocks that we put up to stop us feeling and taking responsibility. As you say, it is also beautiful how we can all reflect to one another and inspire these changes.
Hi Sue, I loved here the connection you made between the flow in your body and the flow in your life. Lovely, thank you for such an honest piece of writing.
Thank you Shami for your lovely comment – it is so beautiful when we can connect to the flow in our bodies for it feels as though it gives us a true connection to the flow of life and all that is out there to support us and reflect back all the possibilities.
Thank you Susan, I know I am stubborn too, and am ‘working on it’, your article has shown more ways that stubborn-ness can manifest, and opens up a new level of awareness
Yes Catherine, it feels as though the more aware I become the more I can feel that the stubborn-ness has been in my body for a very long time. I have found many different ways to hide the extent by justification and dishonesty.
I really enjoyed re-reading your blog Sue. You described this part so simply: ‘I allow stubbornness to come between me and making life simple and feeling the beauty of allowing others to support me.’ Thank you for your sharing.
Thank you Priscila for your comment – it is amazing how we can sabotage ourselves when simplicity brings us so much nearer to God.
Dear Susan, what a great account of your experience. I especially liked how everybody responded differently to you when you changed how you felt about the whole thing. That is quite amazing to watch when it happens.
Thank you Christoph, for your comment – it is wonderful for me to recall that when I get self out of the way life can take it’s natural course. It allows me to feel how the universe can flow when I let go and connect to everything that has been created to support us as we return to Love. Life, and nature in particular offers me a great reflection of how life can be when I allow myself to connect with the divine within. While I was taking a walk a few days ago I was filled with awe at some wonderful dragonflies displaying their light and play-fullness – there was a sense of allowing and just being themselves being what they naturally are.
Thank you, Susan for your open account of this quite invasive and potentially very uncomfortable procedure – I felt tears well up when you described the beauty of your colon and it reminded me of how much more I can honour my body and the amazingness that it offers.
Gabriele this is gorgeous….
Thank you, Gabriele – it is amazing how when we express ourselves we can reach people thousands of miles away which brings us closer together and more at one.
Thank you, Gabriele, it does feel so truly beautiful when we begin to feel – and see – how awesome is this body that in the past I know I have treated in a very functional way. When the scales started to fall from my eyes and I saw the full depth of all that my body was offering me and I opened to honouring this, it brought tears to my eyes.
Thank you Susan Lee for sharing your experience. It is great. You made me ask myself: how often do I make decisions from my entrenched and automatic stubbornness and live life from there, rather than making choices from what I truly feel is needed and loving in that moment? I also ask myself: Is it possible that one of the mechanisms I use not to stop and truly feel what is going on or what needs to be done is stubbornness? I have come to feel that stubbornness in myself comes from a hurt, and a way I created to protect myself and not allow anyone to abuse me…. but it has actually kept me individualized, closed, hard, inflexible and it puts me at risk of feeling victimized, overwhelmed and in crisis when “my ways” of doing things can’t be done. It is also great that you have deepened in the fact that not honouring ourselves and expressing what feels right for us, can then lead to resentment for not having been treated well, and then hold onto these negativities and internal conversations and judging others for days or even years! Very cool. I deeply appreciate your openness and honestly in sharing your experience. I also feel that a look inside our bodies makes us fall in love with the beauty of it, something that we rarely want to acknowledge or truly feel. When I had a similar exam done as you, I was surprised that there weren’t any monsters or horribleness inside, the colon was a beautiful tube, moist, pink and lovely! There is no need really to hold onto beliefs, hurts and fears about ourselves. It is a blessing to welcome openness as you said:”I was now more open to allowing things to take their natural course…”
Thank you, Luz, for your response. I found that what you said has helped expand my feelings and given me more to ponder on. In particular the following – ‘I have come to feel that stubbornness in myself comes from a hurt, and a way I created to protect myself and not allow anyone to abuse me…. but it has actually kept me individualized, closed, hard, inflexible and it puts me at risk of feeling victimized, overwhelmed and in crisis when “my ways” of doing things can’t be done.’ It feels this has brought more clarity to my approach and a way forward which is really beautiful.
Wow!! I am inspired, thank you for the gift of your honest reflection….
It is beautiful to be able to inspire one another – as we expand our experiences.
Having worked in a hospital helping people to prepare for their colonoscopy, I have found it fascinating how differently people can embrace their procedures. In your insightful and inspiring blog your honesty captures what true healing is about. By looking within (quite literally!) you have seen this as an opportunity rather than a misfortune, and in doing so inspire other to do the same. Thank you for sharing Susan.
It surprised me, Samantha, how easily I embraced the procedure and immediately saw it as a blessing for me to learn even more about how my body can support me in my life if I am willing to work with it rather than force it to do what ‘I want’.
Thankyou so much for sharing your intimate experience for others to heal from it as well as yourself. Doesn’t it feel so free-ing when you have a light bulb moment of realising how you have lived most of your life and finally realising there is no need to live that anymore? So lovely.
Thanks Suzanne for your response – it is truly lovely
Beautifully said Suzanne.
Dear Susan,
Thank you this was an amazing journey into the body and into the experience of having a colonoscopy. If I ever need to have one, it will be so much easier because of your detailed and honest sharing.
Hi Judith, I have found that by sharing this experience I have opened myself up even more – service is the most beautiful way to live, or so I am gradually realizing.
Thank you for sharing this experience with us Susan, it is wonderful to see how taking responsibility for ourselves and our own bodies can work so well, and with harmony, to our conventional medicine. I practice as a nurse and assist with many colonoscopies each week, I feel so blessed to be able to share in your experience and learn deeper of the patient experience. I can feel how even the smallest thing – removing clothing or items is all connected to the whole procedure and process of the day. It’s so important that we as healthcare workers allow our patients the space to ready and make comfortable themselves prior. And as patients, no different to everywhere in our lives, honouring what is right for us supports us immeasurably.
Thank you for your comment, Cherise, it surprised me that in some ways it was ‘the smallest thing’ that left the greatest imprint from that appointment. I have often wondered why such seemingly ‘small things’ from my childhood had left such an indelible imprint – the feelings appeared to be so powerful and yet when I expressed them to others – and when I went into comparison – they became very insignificant. However, I have felt at some level they were important and they have never ‘gone away’. At last I am beginning to understand why.
Thank you Susan – your blog is a great re-confirmation that no matter what the physical age, it is never too late to make new choices and experience the difference these choices make in our interactions with others and in our daily lives.
Thank you for that comment, Stephanie – it is amazing how for a long time I stubbornly used my age as an excuse to not fully commit to life and now I am starting to feel, as you say, that age is no barrier to making new choices – in fact, I am now feeling that age is a great privilege, as now it feels the right time to reflect and deepen my connections to myself and engage in life more fully. It has also allowed me to see that I can start to expand my life and be of service to my local community and allow more people into my life.
What an amazing blog! Thankyou for sharing this experience Susan – it has me thinking about what I am still hanging onto – and not taking responsibility for.
You described it so well, I was right there!
Thank you Debra for your response – it is such an honour to have the opportunity to explore my reactions to events that in the past I would have ignored and put to the back of my mind. By being able to open up to what I hang onto has been amazingly healing.
Beautifull blog. I feel I can also be stubborn and do everything I can to not allow love in. So sure there are a few things to ponder on. Thank you for that.
Thank you Floris, I know that for me having started looking at my stubborness I now realize that it pervades so many of the interactions that I have in life, sometimes it can be quite subtle and hidden under years of always doing things in the same rigid way.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience so openly, Susan. I currently work on a colon cancer research project and work with the clinical care team. It is so wonderful to read your story and begin to understand the very personal process behind these procedures and how interactions with the care team are intertwined. The reflection you offer here on your personal healing process with stubbornness is really profound as well. It takes a great deal of commitment and honesty to take that level of responsibility. What a gift to give to yourself! I can feel similar stubborn ways of being in myself sometimes too and it is wonderful to know I can start taking loving care of myself now instead of waiting for my doctor to tell me its time! This also means that when I feel I’ve been wronged in a situation, I can take responsibility for my part in it! This is really beautiful.
Thank you, Nykole, for your comments, I would have never imagined that, what is seemingly, a ‘to be dreaded procedure’ would have proved to have been such an empowering and life changing event. I am now feeling much more able to connect to myself and to live a life, that once, was based on how other people felt and whether they were ‘happy’ or not. Things are really starting to flow more in my life and my commitment to start expressing more, alongside the support that I have received along the way, has really given me a life worth living.
I am full on inspiration from this blog as it echoes so much of my own life. Allowing others to take control and then being resentful of it. I too am accepting that it is my responsibility what happens in my life so am beginning to make some different decisions in such small ways which open me up to another new way.