Hysterectomy – a wake up call.

by Bina Pattel, 52 yrs, London, UK 

At the age of 45 – I was 14 weeks pregnant, had a miscarriage and did not stop bleeding for 11 weeks. After 8 internal examinations by different doctors, I told my husband I would rather die than have another doctor examine me. I thought this was the worst time in my life. I had no idea that worse was yet to come.

I collapsed at home and the ambulance came and picked me up and dropped me off like a parcel on a stretcher to the super busy A & E department at the local hospital. I vaguely recall a nurse passing by me twice and looking concerned. She pulled my eyelid down, saw how pale I was, and went off in haste. Before I knew it, I was on a drip and told my blood count was very low and I needed 2 blood transfusions and there was no time other than to give my consent, which I did.

At no point did I ever consider the seriousness of what my body was telling me.

My periods started aged 11 and I had problems in that department throughout and did my best to ignore any symptoms. I thought it was normal that every month I was in severe pain and had heavy bleeding. Even 4 miscarriages made no difference to my mind, which was telling me: “Focus on getting your work done”, and that’s what I did. I had a mobile phone in one hand and a blood transfusion going in the other arm.

The truth was – I just could not stop. I was like a spinning top where you wind it up and let go and it keeps spinning. Even though I had physically been stopped, I could not stop the internal momentum. I hated it when someone told me to just: “Allow and be still”. What on earth did that mean or even look like or feel like?

Stillness for me was a word to describe lazy people, who were boring and laid back and could not multi-task. I was not one of them or even contemplating ever becoming a still woman. Yet I felt a tension in my body and that was felt as physical pain – the internal fight between who I was and what I chose to do. I was fighting a natural inner stillness, that is who I am as a woman, and over-riding it with motion. I was racing around doing three jobs and lots of commuting, adding to the non-stop doing, and nothing could stop me.

Fast forward 8 months later and I had a hysterectomy. I had been diagnosed with a fibroid tumour which could not be removed any other way, and I recall the surgeon saying that my ovaries would be left, as there was nothing wrong with them – like that was a bit of good news. All I wanted was to get on with my life like it was before all this happened. So I agreed to have my uterus and cervix removed.

Before the surgery I asked Serge Benhayon for help. I told him there was no pain, so I did not want the surgery. He recommended following the surgeon’s advice and was clear that having no pain did not mean the tumour was harmless. He was right and my surgeon confirmed this when he told me that my tumour had grown significantly in size and needed to be removed.

As my health had deteriorated so much, my husband gave up work to look after me and we were financially struggling; so again my mind kicked in with plans on how I could get better fast and start earning money. Of course that did not happen, but what did happen a few months after the surgery was I burnt my hand severely and this was another 3 months off work. I really loved the drama and the stress it brought, which distracted me from just surrendering and listening to my body and feeling the truth of what was there to be felt.

It really does not pay to ignore the signs when things are not feeling right with your body. How on earth did I think I was going to get away with 35 years of ignoring my periods and expecting to be ok? Yes I had endometriosis, cysts and fibroids but that never stopped me doing anything. These were all big fat signs to tell me something was clearly not right about the way I was living. At that time I did not know how to take care of myself, and I did not have a drop of self-love. Loving me was not my thing, as it just felt uncomfortable. It meant that I would need to pay attention to my body, which I deeply loathed and really had no time for. I was far too busy working and trying to save the world. I was constantly on the go looking to do the next thing and getting these physical conditions was a gross inconvenience, to say the least.

For the 6 years after the surgery I applied simple and practical ways, as presented by Serge Benhayon, to develop a connection with my body that led to a deeper level of stillness. I got an understanding that what was missing was the stillness – as my body had so much motion from all my years of being on the go – and that made sense to me. Of course my physical health started to change as the old way of living fell away.

What was really hard was learning how to stop during every single day and take time out to rest or just take a walk with me. What was even harder was learning to cook for myself and eat food that truly supported my body. The biggest change that helped me get to the stillness that I have today was looking at my sleep routine, which led me to waking up feeling me, not thinking I am superwoman and can multi-task and force things to happen.

Allowing myself to feel and using my body as a compass to guide me how to live really helped me to come back to me.

These simple truths have stayed with me; it has been a slow step-by-step process to have a real close relationship with my body, and now I finally know what stillness is.

I cannot turn back the clock, but what I can do now is live every day taking deep care of myself and this is what I have been doing and it works. I love myself deeply and would never choose to harm my body again – ever.

Today I feel a real woman who does have an inner stillness, which feels amazing and keeps me grounded.

The biggest tip I could give any woman, any age, who knows something is not right in the woman department is to first go and get it checked out with your GP and then consider how you are living that is possibly causing the issue.

Thank you sincerely to Serge Benhayon, Universal Medicine and all the amazing practitioners who, with the way they live their lives, are able to reflect that there is another way ­– and it starts with stillness.

 

You may also be interested to read this blog by Bina on the menopause:

http://womeninlivingness.com/2013/06/05/hot-hot-flushes-embracing-menopause/

1,168 thoughts on “Hysterectomy – a wake up call.

  1. There is something inside of us that is pretty relentless, pushing and continually striving. So even when I hear that stillness is beneficial, my head just gets hold of this idea and it can get intellectual. So I love the practical and step by step way you describe coming back to your body Bina, retraining your physique, like a toddler. We all need to know when and where to stop – and if we let it, our body will let us know loud and clear as any parent what to do.

    1. I really understand what you are saying Joseph about the “head” which seems to have its own agenda and has an intellect that somehow is not at all honouring to the body it is attached to.
      The practical step by step stuff was a work in progress for many years and leaving notes to even remind me to stop was what I had to do to shift the ingrained way I had been choosing what seemed like forever.

      These days I cannot imagine letting things slip or go off track for very long as that stillness marker inside my body tells me loud and clear – “get back”.
      I am still blown away how different life can be simply by living the teachings of Serge Benhayon and continue listening as there is more – so much more.

    2. I agree Joseph. I also am learning that it is not just something in side of me that can feel restless or trying to drive and push through, but that I see others around me doing that so it gives me an ‘excuse’ to say ‘everyone does it’ ‘thats how life is’ when my body knows that it doesnt need to be this way – just as Bina says in this blog – there is another way – and as you say and Bina says below, whilst a retraining or paying attention to this can bring about substantial change as it has for Bina, and as it has also for me – when I focus on staying with the rhythm of my own body and I listen to what is needed my day flows, and I feel very different to when I over-ride what I feel and push through.

  2. Thank you for this very sincere honest sharing of listening to our body with the importance of this and connecting to and honouring our stillness within us all. Getting ourselves checked and not pushing on with life in a drive is something we take on and build into our very way of living and your sharing shows this can always be changed and that there is another way to live.

  3. I’m blown away coming back to this blog Bina Pattel. The honesty cuts through the illusion of ‘pushing through and ignoring the body’ with such precision – leaving me with a big fat reminder that our body knows the truth, it is always showing us how we are living, and we and we alone have a choice as to whether we continue to live a certain way, or we make changes as you have. A truly remarkable turnaround Bina – very inspiring.

    1. Thanks Jane Keep for confirming this. I am equally blown away that such an old blog still holds value and I am sure its because I am living and learning and consistently being honest in my everyday life and making sure I stay real by checking into my body and how it feels.

      These days even a slight disturbance leads me to stop and do a spanish inquisition as to why why why did that happen and what is here being presented for me to learn.
      Gone are the days of ignoring, denial, neglect and override as it simply does not work.

      As you say Jane – it is a choice and I know my choices have changed thanks to the work of Serge Benhayon.

  4. How true stillness makes such a difference in our lives. It is only when we start to take responsibility for our lives that we can begin to connect to what stillness is. It took me a while as I was also living with a lot of motion of doing. My body gave me many signs, including heavy periods, endometriosis. Once I took responsibility and started to take time for me, with the support of Universal Medicine practitioners my life started to change.

  5. I keep coming back to this blog as I have found it so useful in supporting me to move from the head to the body as the marker. Your experience Bina is like many other women and that is why this blog makes so much sense. The constant drive and constant overriding of the body is a game that I have played from birth. Writing about this is the best ever medicine we can give another. Yes the support you received through the hospital was paramount in helping you start your recovery but it was the willingness to stop and say hold on the old way is not working and there has to be another way that gets to the root of all this behaviours. The support of Universal Medicine and the various practitioners are a great source to start, but it is also the consistency and responsibility we all have to step up to in our daily living that makes the most powerful changes of all. Thank you Bina Pattel for continuing to inspire me as I too head down the same path of recovery and bring what is needed – nothing more and nothing less to each day!

  6. Society today congratulates us on achieving, working hard, keeping busy, being seen to be ‘doing’. Nowhere is stillness emphasized as being important to our everyday lives. Yet in the Universal Medicine presentations stillness and movement, repose and motion are both seen as being equally valid – and not only important but essential to our everyday health and wellbeing. Your blog illustrates this perfectly.

    1. Good point Sue and things are all about getting more, doing more and staying in this motion motion movement so stillness is not even on the radar. No wonder sleeping aids is now a multi billion dollar industry.
      We are trying to force stillness by making ourselves fall asleep but not asking why we do not have stillness in our everyday movements – something Serge Benhayon has been presenting from day dot. That stillness stuff used to bug me when he talked about it but now I get it because I have that quality which is deep inside my body and I know when it is not there as I feel quite disturbed.

      These days I have a lot of activity in my life but there is a quality that I know now and that word stillness is there and it helps to get a lot done without the drive that this blog describes.

  7. Great point you make here Bina that stillness is more than just a physical stop. It is a way of being, a deep connection with ourselves and our true essence as human beings which can be equally present when we are doing something or when we are at rest. For me it is a certain quality of movement or living.

    1. This is the thing Andrew, that most tend to associate stillness with a physical stop. I for one was one of them before I met Serge Benhayon.
      I thought it was boring, a waste of time being still and also judged anyone, including my husband who has always had a deep quality of stillness.

      Today I value this quality beyond words and cannot imagine life without it. No wonder I say every single day THANK GOD FOR SERGE BENHAYON.

  8. I read stories like yours Bina and I’m in humble awe of the loving choices you have made – choices that would have not been easy and that clearly show an unwavering commitment and dedication to coming back to the truth and love we all are.

    1. Thanks for the reminder Katerina.
      The choices were not easy and it is as you say my ‘unwavering commitment and dedication’ to getting myself back on the real road – thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine that I am able to do what I do today and be the real me.
      I claim that as best as I can and not try and be something I am not. In other words, there is nothing fake and phoney or driven with outer distractions now in my life. I am real, raw and uncut with the way I live life and connect with others.

      A total contrast to how this blog starts with all the nonsense that got me so ill.

  9. Lovely to re-read your blog again Bina. I am sure that not just me but many women can relate to this forever going motion we choose to live in. It asks a lot of loving discipline to break this pattern and if we think we nailed it it shows up to be lived on deeper levels. To live from our stillness every single moment is a challenge I suppose for most women. The teachings which Serge brings are very supporting to re-connect back to our essence and live from there more and more.

    1. You are right Sylvia – it does ask for a lot of loving discipline to break this pattern of motion but it is well worth it and life does get easier and more flowing and joyfull by the day. I am living proof of that fact.

      As time passes I have noticed how there is always more to deepen and there is no need whatsoever to push but to allow things to unfold. ‘Keep doing the same stuff that works’ is something I tell myself everyday, in the knowing that whatever is needed will come to me and that includes the answers to what my body is communicating.

      Serge Benhayon has been instrumental throughout my process and this is one reason why I will consistently write about him and the enormous life changes he has given to so many of us.

  10. Continuous motion is an ill way of living that runs many women. We use it to stop feeling the true beauty and stillness that resides within. What you share Bina is a great example of what many women live, but how there is a choice to live another way.

    1. I agree Kim this story is very relatable to so many women and this blog serves as a reminder that there is another way and why wait for the wake up call that I had.
      Looking back it was a very painful and difficult time in my life and at no point did I even consider that my choices got me in that and my new choices could get me out.

      All I know now is that I have a steady quality, a presence so to speak that is felt by all those I connect with and this is what is so different today to my past, where I was known to be racy and driven and unable to stop.

  11. I recognise the old pattern of wanting to be super woman and ‘do’ it all. I tried for decades but to the detriment of my physical and mental well-being. I have come to know that stillness does not mean I sit down and do nothing. It can be with me as I move and go about my daily activities.

    1. If I even try to be superwoman and multi task in the doing department, then I get an instant headache so I don’t bother with that one any more.
      So what if people think that’s not the in thing when I know it gives me a good night’s sleep every night and I get far more done now than I ever did in my height of superwoman past days.

      I love what you share Debra about stillness not being a sit down and do nothing but the quality of stillness can be with you as you move in your daily activities.
      A golden truth from Serge Benhayon that needs to be lived to feel the real benefits.

  12. Thank you Bina, it is so easy to separate what our body is telling us from how we have been living, so easy not to take responsibility for that. I am humbled by what my body shares about the way I live, it is an honesty I have found is deeply loving and worth embracing.

  13. Bina as you say a great wake up call, when we race around without stopping, with no true connection to our body, we have no idea how our body is feeling or what choices to make to best support it either. When we stop and connect to our body we find it is full of wisdom, we just have to choose to listen.

  14. An amazing story Bina, and a wealth of information gained and wisdom applied in your life since. If we listen to our bodies, they tell everything we need to know about the choices we are making and whether they are true for us or not.

    1. I agree Jenny, the story here is amazing but the wealth of information that has been shared by way of comments, coming from my life since is pure wisdom and this expands the blog and keeps it alive if you ask me.

      I am blown away by how smart and intelligent our body truly is.
      Just a real life simple example is me wanting to eat a full dinner in the morning – very rare but true this week. Of course I get it, in an Aha moment at the end of the day, WHY I needed to eat then and at that time and what to eat specifically. My body knew way ahead of my mind what was best for that day and as it unfolded, I got it.

      I am deeply deeply grateful for this incredible precious body I have which has a deep regard and respect now that was never there before – thanks to the teachings of Serge Benhayon.

  15. I related to your initial reactions to stillness. I used to get really annoyed if people ever told me to “relax” and used to say “you relax” because often I saw it as them reacting to my getting things done. I too have learned about Stillness from Serge Benhayon and it is NOTHING like I used to think it is and it is also not about “relaxing” or “not moving”.

    1. Stillness is spacious ~ in Stillness I have much more energy and actually get heaps more done – although that is not a goal but a by-product. Stillness totally rocks and is actually a quality of the Soul. Michael Benhayon plays the drums and moves in a quality of stillness that is incredibly cool and joyful. It is actually a faster vibration than the denseness of raciness!

    2. Thanks for your honest sharing here Nicola about getting annoyed when people told you to relax.
      The other thing I used to get that bugged me was ‘allow things to unfold’. That was like a red rag to a bull if you know what I mean.
      The thought of sitting still for a second seemed like a waste and as this blog says even when I was forced to completely stop by my body, I had this spinning that was going on and never stopped. Might sound weird but it was true. Nothing in me wanted to change but once I got the understanding WHY from the teachings and presentations of Serge Benhayon, then things made sense and I was able to take small tiny steps in the right direction and knock out the nonsense behaviour that led to all those ill choices of deeply neglecting and harming my precious body.

      The thought of calling my body ‘precious’ was not on my radar or in my language, so it’s huge how far I have really come.

      1. Bina, in my experience you and everything you share is very, very precious and super gorgeous

  16. Your words Bina Patel are all too familiar to me. The saddest part is in our drive to get things ‘done’ many people applaud and cheer us on for doing ‘good’ – all the while we are running a million miles away from what’s going on ‘under the hood’. This last weekend I pushed myself madly to get things complete, but only succeeded in upsetting myself, my partner and our whole house. When we have this momentum and past pattern of pushing on, we really really need to regularly stop and check where our internal compass is at. Many thanks for the powerful reminder.

    1. Thanks for your honest sharing Joseph and this drive to getting things done never works.
      I have come to realise that my to do list is a process and it is ongoing.

      There are days in the calendar where cycles are closed and more gets done and other days where my body is saying “take another deep nap, you need it”.
      I find it very hard now to override and ignore what my body is communicating so if I get this feeling of tired or need to rest and the opportunity is there I go for it. If not, I find myself thinking and wanting foods that I know are not good for my body and my quality of steadiness and stillness changes.

      Generally, allowing things to unfold whilst keeping the day to day stuff going works best for me and I can feel what’s next as I get to the end of one task.
      However, this rest stuff and going for my walk every day and drinking plenty of room temperature water, is equally important and that works too.
      To be honest it is a way of life now so it’s easy and no effort required. A far contrast from this blog if you ask me.

  17. I keep returning to this blog. Much like the story you share Bina, it seems there’s no end to the drama and complication that comes in my life when I ignore how I feel in my body. It doesn’t matter how ‘small’ or large the feeling is – whether I listen determines the quality and harmony of what comes next. It seems we will have to keep learning this lesson until a time we cherish and always honour what the body has to say.

  18. Bina, you are nothing less than a total inspiration to me and to many many others. You have mastered being the true you as well as getting much done without making it a drive and a doing. So many women have similar woman issues as you describe and have no clue that they way they are living is at the root cause so it is great that you share this.

  19. This is such an amazing and deeply honest blog Bina. I love how you lay out that you changes came with dedication and with that came a new relationship with you and your body. A great reminder that no matter what we can connect to our body if we choose.

  20. It’s not just what we do to our body, we literally keep ourselves from connecting to and enjoying who we are because of our behaviours. This is why the work of Serge Benhayon is so revelatory because there are these two sources of energy we draw from every day and their accompanying vehicles, the spirit and the soul. It’s so supportive to know this because behaviours can be so confounding – we know we don’t want to hurt ourselves but we often continually do despite our best efforts to change our habits and patterns. Your experiences Bina were a great example of these two energies, and the difference is felt now in how you live connected to the soul in stillness.

  21. ha ha love the honesty where you write: that you loved the drama and stress of your injury and the troubles it brought so you could continue to avoid the almost unavoidable that was being presented to you. How many of us admit that we often invite such situations because we want to avoid the truth at all costs.

  22. I love the honesty of how you share you loathed your body and were far too busy saving the world to take care of yourself. It is completely insane isn’t it that we can imagine we are helping or even can help others when we can’t even take care of or love ourselves.

  23. This is such an inspiring turn-around Bina. It is a part of our divine design that our bodies are in tune with the greater body of the Universe that so holds us and that when we begin to move out of rhythm to this, our body is the messenger that will alert us so that we can then take the necessary steps to bring our movements back into accordance with this Universal pulse. Therefore it is not illness that is a curse or bad luck but simply a sign that our body is doing its job in trying to re-establish order when things have gone a bit wayward.

  24. Bina with all the amazing work that you do today and the inspiration you show people in how to deeply care for and love themselves, it’s powerful to read the process you went through in building the deep level of love you hold so true today. It shows no matter what a person’s particular issue is, anything can not only be healed but life can transform if we choose.

  25. Gosh I can relate to what you write here…and I cried reading it today. Learning to love, honour, accept and appreciate yourself deeply is a loving work in progress for me, but really is the most important steps I can take.

  26. When I am constantly doing I am not giving myself the chance to be still and therefore the quality of what I do suffers. So often I get caught up in thinking I have so much to do so it all needs to be done then and there but I can also feel how hard this is on my body.

  27. Bina, thank you for sharing your story, for we can all learn from this…how far do we let things go before we are actually going to put a stop to it and make some changes? This is a question for all of us to sit with and ponder deeply.

  28. I am really interested in this part about burning your hand Bina and then how you talk about enjoying the drama and the stress as a way to avoid feeling the truth of what was there to be felt. This is amazing because how often am I, and are we, given so many stop points along the way to consider what I and what we are doing and the impact these choices are having on ourselves, on myself, on each other.

  29. “…It meant that I would need to pay attention to my body, which I deeply loathed and really had no time for. I was far too busy working and trying to save the world. I was constantly on the go looking to do the next thing and getting these physical conditions was a gross inconvenience, to say the least…” The self loathing issue is such a key and common trait for women, that unconsciously influences choices, habits and behaviour pattern we may develop into – and thus eventually erode a woman’s health. For a woman to re-aquaint back to the stillness within her body, in ways that you have described in your blog, starts the process of deconstructing this self loathing and reintroduce love back to the expression of being woman. A great sharing Bina, thank you.

  30. The bodies wisdom is simply divine and has all the patience in the world, so when we may not get something first up, the body finds another way to get our attention. Love it.

    1. So true Julie, when we look at this as a true gift of love we can then see that all ills are an offering not a hindrance.

  31. It is a shame that sometimes it takes a super loud message from our body to get us to stop and reconsider the way in which we have been living. How beautiful however that you have since chosen to rebuild a relationship with your body based on a truth you now feel and from that experience a stillness and worth you can now not deny.

  32. We can be stubborn creatures, I speak from experience and love when I say that. I want to thank you though, for every time I read about women who are very active and are able to find their way back to self love, I feel like I have a chance, god knows I need a little help in that department. I can get so caught up in all the things I need to do, that sometimes I forget to love and care for myself enough.
    .

  33. This is such a pertinent blog for many women, I would say too much motion and lack of stillness is one of the main ills in women. Serge Benhayon offers so many ways in which we as women can find stillness within, and this blog demonstrates the importance of taking steps towards this truth.

  34. When we focus on getting everything done at the expense of our body how can we ever think that it will not eventually break down and become ill.

  35. I used to think I was boring without all the drama and busyness of trying to do it all. Now I deeply appreciate the stillness and quality I bring which offers a reflection to others that we don’t need to get caught up in the drama and doing to be a vibrant, productive part of the world. The opposite is true – the drama drains us and leaves us depleted and lacking full capacity.

  36. Coming to a stop to reconnect to that inner stillness allows for the development of a connection that we can take back into the flow of life.

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