Hysterectomy – a wake up call.

by Bina Pattel, 52 yrs, London, UK 

At the age of 45 – I was 14 weeks pregnant, had a miscarriage and did not stop bleeding for 11 weeks. After 8 internal examinations by different doctors, I told my husband I would rather die than have another doctor examine me. I thought this was the worst time in my life. I had no idea that worse was yet to come.

I collapsed at home and the ambulance came and picked me up and dropped me off like a parcel on a stretcher to the super busy A & E department at the local hospital. I vaguely recall a nurse passing by me twice and looking concerned. She pulled my eyelid down, saw how pale I was, and went off in haste. Before I knew it, I was on a drip and told my blood count was very low and I needed 2 blood transfusions and there was no time other than to give my consent, which I did.

At no point did I ever consider the seriousness of what my body was telling me.

My periods started aged 11 and I had problems in that department throughout and did my best to ignore any symptoms. I thought it was normal that every month I was in severe pain and had heavy bleeding. Even 4 miscarriages made no difference to my mind, which was telling me: “Focus on getting your work done”, and that’s what I did. I had a mobile phone in one hand and a blood transfusion going in the other arm.

The truth was – I just could not stop. I was like a spinning top where you wind it up and let go and it keeps spinning. Even though I had physically been stopped, I could not stop the internal momentum. I hated it when someone told me to just: “Allow and be still”. What on earth did that mean or even look like or feel like?

Stillness for me was a word to describe lazy people, who were boring and laid back and could not multi-task. I was not one of them or even contemplating ever becoming a still woman. Yet I felt a tension in my body and that was felt as physical pain – the internal fight between who I was and what I chose to do. I was fighting a natural inner stillness, that is who I am as a woman, and over-riding it with motion. I was racing around doing three jobs and lots of commuting, adding to the non-stop doing, and nothing could stop me.

Fast forward 8 months later and I had a hysterectomy. I had been diagnosed with a fibroid tumour which could not be removed any other way, and I recall the surgeon saying that my ovaries would be left, as there was nothing wrong with them – like that was a bit of good news. All I wanted was to get on with my life like it was before all this happened. So I agreed to have my uterus and cervix removed.

Before the surgery I asked Serge Benhayon for help. I told him there was no pain, so I did not want the surgery. He recommended following the surgeon’s advice and was clear that having no pain did not mean the tumour was harmless. He was right and my surgeon confirmed this when he told me that my tumour had grown significantly in size and needed to be removed.

As my health had deteriorated so much, my husband gave up work to look after me and we were financially struggling; so again my mind kicked in with plans on how I could get better fast and start earning money. Of course that did not happen, but what did happen a few months after the surgery was I burnt my hand severely and this was another 3 months off work. I really loved the drama and the stress it brought, which distracted me from just surrendering and listening to my body and feeling the truth of what was there to be felt.

It really does not pay to ignore the signs when things are not feeling right with your body. How on earth did I think I was going to get away with 35 years of ignoring my periods and expecting to be ok? Yes I had endometriosis, cysts and fibroids but that never stopped me doing anything. These were all big fat signs to tell me something was clearly not right about the way I was living. At that time I did not know how to take care of myself, and I did not have a drop of self-love. Loving me was not my thing, as it just felt uncomfortable. It meant that I would need to pay attention to my body, which I deeply loathed and really had no time for. I was far too busy working and trying to save the world. I was constantly on the go looking to do the next thing and getting these physical conditions was a gross inconvenience, to say the least.

For the 6 years after the surgery I applied simple and practical ways, as presented by Serge Benhayon, to develop a connection with my body that led to a deeper level of stillness. I got an understanding that what was missing was the stillness – as my body had so much motion from all my years of being on the go – and that made sense to me. Of course my physical health started to change as the old way of living fell away.

What was really hard was learning how to stop during every single day and take time out to rest or just take a walk with me. What was even harder was learning to cook for myself and eat food that truly supported my body. The biggest change that helped me get to the stillness that I have today was looking at my sleep routine, which led me to waking up feeling me, not thinking I am superwoman and can multi-task and force things to happen.

Allowing myself to feel and using my body as a compass to guide me how to live really helped me to come back to me.

These simple truths have stayed with me; it has been a slow step-by-step process to have a real close relationship with my body, and now I finally know what stillness is.

I cannot turn back the clock, but what I can do now is live every day taking deep care of myself and this is what I have been doing and it works. I love myself deeply and would never choose to harm my body again – ever.

Today I feel a real woman who does have an inner stillness, which feels amazing and keeps me grounded.

The biggest tip I could give any woman, any age, who knows something is not right in the woman department is to first go and get it checked out with your GP and then consider how you are living that is possibly causing the issue.

Thank you sincerely to Serge Benhayon, Universal Medicine and all the amazing practitioners who, with the way they live their lives, are able to reflect that there is another way ­– and it starts with stillness.

 

You may also be interested to read this blog by Bina on the menopause:

http://womeninlivingness.com/2013/06/05/hot-hot-flushes-embracing-menopause/

1,140 thoughts on “Hysterectomy – a wake up call.

  1. There is something inside of us that is pretty relentless, pushing and continually striving. So even when I hear that stillness is beneficial, my head just gets hold of this idea and it can get intellectual. So I love the practical and step by step way you describe coming back to your body Bina, retraining your physique, like a toddler. We all need to know when and where to stop – and if we let it, our body will let us know loud and clear as any parent what to do.

    1. I really understand what you are saying Joseph about the “head” which seems to have its own agenda and has an intellect that somehow is not at all honouring to the body it is attached to.
      The practical step by step stuff was a work in progress for many years and leaving notes to even remind me to stop was what I had to do to shift the ingrained way I had been choosing what seemed like forever.

      These days I cannot imagine letting things slip or go off track for very long as that stillness marker inside my body tells me loud and clear – “get back”.
      I am still blown away how different life can be simply by living the teachings of Serge Benhayon and continue listening as there is more – so much more.

    2. I agree Joseph. I also am learning that it is not just something in side of me that can feel restless or trying to drive and push through, but that I see others around me doing that so it gives me an ‘excuse’ to say ‘everyone does it’ ‘thats how life is’ when my body knows that it doesnt need to be this way – just as Bina says in this blog – there is another way – and as you say and Bina says below, whilst a retraining or paying attention to this can bring about substantial change as it has for Bina, and as it has also for me – when I focus on staying with the rhythm of my own body and I listen to what is needed my day flows, and I feel very different to when I over-ride what I feel and push through.

  2. Thank you for this very sincere honest sharing of listening to our body with the importance of this and connecting to and honouring our stillness within us all. Getting ourselves checked and not pushing on with life in a drive is something we take on and build into our very way of living and your sharing shows this can always be changed and that there is another way to live.

  3. I’m blown away coming back to this blog Bina Pattel. The honesty cuts through the illusion of ‘pushing through and ignoring the body’ with such precision – leaving me with a big fat reminder that our body knows the truth, it is always showing us how we are living, and we and we alone have a choice as to whether we continue to live a certain way, or we make changes as you have. A truly remarkable turnaround Bina – very inspiring.

  4. How true stillness makes such a difference in our lives. It is only when we start to take responsibility for our lives that we can begin to connect to what stillness is. It took me a while as I was also living with a lot of motion of doing. My body gave me many signs, including heavy periods, endometriosis. Once I took responsibility and started to take time for me, with the support of Universal Medicine practitioners my life started to change.

  5. I keep coming back to this blog as I have found it so useful in supporting me to move from the head to the body as the marker. Your experience Bina is like many other women and that is why this blog makes so much sense. The constant drive and constant overriding of the body is a game that I have played from birth. Writing about this is the best ever medicine we can give another. Yes the support you received through the hospital was paramount in helping you start your recovery but it was the willingness to stop and say hold on the old way is not working and there has to be another way that gets to the root of all this behaviours. The support of Universal Medicine and the various practitioners are a great source to start, but it is also the consistency and responsibility we all have to step up to in our daily living that makes the most powerful changes of all. Thank you Bina Pattel for continuing to inspire me as I too head down the same path of recovery and bring what is needed – nothing more and nothing less to each day!

  6. Society today congratulates us on achieving, working hard, keeping busy, being seen to be ‘doing’. Nowhere is stillness emphasized as being important to our everyday lives. Yet in the Universal Medicine presentations stillness and movement, repose and motion are both seen as being equally valid – and not only important but essential to our everyday health and wellbeing. Your blog illustrates this perfectly.

  7. Great point you make here Bina that stillness is more than just a physical stop. It is a way of being, a deep connection with ourselves and our true essence as human beings which can be equally present when we are doing something or when we are at rest. For me it is a certain quality of movement or living.

  8. I read stories like yours Bina and I’m in humble awe of the loving choices you have made – choices that would have not been easy and that clearly show an unwavering commitment and dedication to coming back to the truth and love we all are.

  9. Lovely to re-read your blog again Bina. I am sure that not just me but many women can relate to this forever going motion we choose to live in. It asks a lot of loving discipline to break this pattern and if we think we nailed it it shows up to be lived on deeper levels. To live from our stillness every single moment is a challenge I suppose for most women. The teachings which Serge brings are very supporting to re-connect back to our essence and live from there more and more.

  10. Continuous motion is an ill way of living that runs many women. We use it to stop feeling the true beauty and stillness that resides within. What you share Bina is a great example of what many women live, but how there is a choice to live another way.

  11. I recognise the old pattern of wanting to be super woman and ‘do’ it all. I tried for decades but to the detriment of my physical and mental well-being. I have come to know that stillness does not mean I sit down and do nothing. It can be with me as I move and go about my daily activities.

  12. Thank you Bina, it is so easy to separate what our body is telling us from how we have been living, so easy not to take responsibility for that. I am humbled by what my body shares about the way I live, it is an honesty I have found is deeply loving and worth embracing.

  13. Bina as you say a great wake up call, when we race around without stopping, with no true connection to our body, we have no idea how our body is feeling or what choices to make to best support it either. When we stop and connect to our body we find it is full of wisdom, we just have to choose to listen.

  14. An amazing story Bina, and a wealth of information gained and wisdom applied in your life since. If we listen to our bodies, they tell everything we need to know about the choices we are making and whether they are true for us or not.

  15. I related to your initial reactions to stillness. I used to get really annoyed if people ever told me to “relax” and used to say “you relax” because often I saw it as them reacting to my getting things done. I too have learned about Stillness from Serge Benhayon and it is NOTHING like I used to think it is and it is also not about “relaxing” or “not moving”.

    1. Stillness is spacious ~ in Stillness I have much more energy and actually get heaps more done – although that is not a goal but a by-product. Stillness totally rocks and is actually a quality of the Soul. Michael Benhayon plays the drums and moves in a quality of stillness that is incredibly cool and joyful. It is actually a faster vibration than the denseness of raciness!

  16. Your words Bina Patel are all too familiar to me. The saddest part is in our drive to get things ‘done’ many people applaud and cheer us on for doing ‘good’ – all the while we are running a million miles away from what’s going on ‘under the hood’. This last weekend I pushed myself madly to get things complete, but only succeeded in upsetting myself, my partner and our whole house. When we have this momentum and past pattern of pushing on, we really really need to regularly stop and check where our internal compass is at. Many thanks for the powerful reminder.

  17. I keep returning to this blog. Much like the story you share Bina, it seems there’s no end to the drama and complication that comes in my life when I ignore how I feel in my body. It doesn’t matter how ‘small’ or large the feeling is – whether I listen determines the quality and harmony of what comes next. It seems we will have to keep learning this lesson until a time we cherish and always honour what the body has to say.

  18. Bina, you are nothing less than a total inspiration to me and to many many others. You have mastered being the true you as well as getting much done without making it a drive and a doing. So many women have similar woman issues as you describe and have no clue that they way they are living is at the root cause so it is great that you share this.

  19. This is such an amazing and deeply honest blog Bina. I love how you lay out that you changes came with dedication and with that came a new relationship with you and your body. A great reminder that no matter what we can connect to our body if we choose.

  20. It’s not just what we do to our body, we literally keep ourselves from connecting to and enjoying who we are because of our behaviours. This is why the work of Serge Benhayon is so revelatory because there are these two sources of energy we draw from every day and their accompanying vehicles, the spirit and the soul. It’s so supportive to know this because behaviours can be so confounding – we know we don’t want to hurt ourselves but we often continually do despite our best efforts to change our habits and patterns. Your experiences Bina were a great example of these two energies, and the difference is felt now in how you live connected to the soul in stillness.

  21. ha ha love the honesty where you write: that you loved the drama and stress of your injury and the troubles it brought so you could continue to avoid the almost unavoidable that was being presented to you. How many of us admit that we often invite such situations because we want to avoid the truth at all costs.

  22. I love the honesty of how you share you loathed your body and were far too busy saving the world to take care of yourself. It is completely insane isn’t it that we can imagine we are helping or even can help others when we can’t even take care of or love ourselves.

  23. This is such an inspiring turn-around Bina. It is a part of our divine design that our bodies are in tune with the greater body of the Universe that so holds us and that when we begin to move out of rhythm to this, our body is the messenger that will alert us so that we can then take the necessary steps to bring our movements back into accordance with this Universal pulse. Therefore it is not illness that is a curse or bad luck but simply a sign that our body is doing its job in trying to re-establish order when things have gone a bit wayward.

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