The effects of holding back on my body

by Lieke, Dentistry Student, Ghent, Belgium

You may think that our lifestyle is just what we eat, how much we exercise and whether we smoke, drink alcohol or use drugs, but I have come to understand that there is a deeper level of lifestyle, or livingness, which includes my whole way of living, that has an effect on how I feel and the health of my body.

One of the things that affects me is holding back.

What is holding back?

Holding back, for me, is to not follow through an impulse that is true and from my heart, and instead not doing it or doing the absolute opposite.

Holding back is not doing something my WHOLE BODY is telling me to do.

It is like feeling extremely joyful, wanting to jump and celebrate and totally go for it, and then being nice, courteous and polite and moving slowly instead.

I have been holding back for most of my life, and through the teachings presented by Universal Medicine and Esoteric Healing sessions, I have come to understand – and have now an absolute knowing for myself – that holding back has an effect on my body. A big one.

What are the effects of holding back on my body?

  • Lower back pain, especially when lying down in bed at night (you may know this one, it is that pain in your lower back that you may try to relieve by pulling your knees up to your tummy, with or without success)
  • Exhaustion
  • Feeling of dullness
  • Heart beating faster and more strongly than usual
  • Anxiousness
  • Tension in my whole body
  • Pain or cold in my lungs, or a sort of unpleasant feeling in my chest
  • Heart burn
  • Constipation, if I do not allow the natural flow of things… it is not a coincidence that my bowel reflects this in not flowing either. As well as the fact that when I am holding back, I often hold back from following my first impulse as to what to eat, which results in my body not getting what it needs to do a proper job. PLUS to not feel all of the above I can choose to eat foods that are numbing my body and actually disrupt the healthy flow of my digestive system.
  • Headache at times, with the frustration of absolutely knowing but not following through my feelings

What is the antidote?

Expressing myself, not holding back and totally going for it when I feel to do something.

Following my impulses and honouring them by listening to them and following them through, even if it does not work out as I expected – it feels way more honouring to do something and not do it perfectly, than not doing it at all.

The healing of holding back is in these small things, but also in expressing what I feel is true and not true in the world.

It is in not holding back from saying something, even if it might not be what others think. Not holding back even when it challenges the status quo.

It is in not holding back showing that I am beautiful and know it.

It is in not holding back my innate joy of living my amazing life.

It is in not holding back the love I feel for all people in this world and expressing it so.

It is in not holding back knowing I am from God and that I am a beautiful being here to express my love and light in the world.

This expressing myself more and more and not holding back makes my body feel lighter, more vital, and extremely joyful. The pain in my lower back has disappeared, my body feels more free in its movements, my back is more straight when I stand, there is a bounce in my steps when I walk and many of the other symptoms are gone and only come back to remind me when I am holding back in an area of my life.

This all is a work in progress, but for sure my way forward.

I am forever inspired by and in deep appreciation of the teachings of the Ageless Wisdom, as presented by Serge Benhayon and his family.

 

Read more:

  1. No longer holding back in life
  2. From holding myself back to wonderful changes

1,003 thoughts on “The effects of holding back on my body

  1. ‘Holding back is not doing something my WHOLE BODY is telling me to do’ – and this could just be nothing. I am learning to follow my body when it asks for rest and am learning to bring more quality to my movements so that it does not need to ask for rest so often. A lot of undoing to be done, undoing of ideals and beliefs that have us rushing or pushing to get just that one last thing done.

  2. What an amazing truth exposed about holding back and the enormous everyday effects of this. A real eye opener as to what happens when we hold back and not express as our living way that is a common way of living for us all the time. A real eye opener in showing the true way of living for us all in great appreciation love and expression of all we are and is very beautiful.

  3. A great subject Lieke. There is so much potential we all have and so much for us all to do and holding back stops this. Really great to discuss the physical effects of holding back as well like exhaustion, headache, back ache, as well as how it affects our energy and vitality.

  4. Holding back you may ask, but what am I holding back? And how am I holding back? Well.. it’s also in not allowing ourselves to freely express what is in our hearts and our Souls.

  5. I just realised this week that I no longer have tight/tense shoulders, which for many years were pretty constant companions. I am on annual leave now and the week leading up, I got a bit stressed with what I had to do and I noticed tension in my shoulders. And I was like woah, I have not felt that for a while and that used to be pretty constant with only strong hard massages to work out the knots. But I too have started to not hold back who I truly am in the word, and live in a much more harmonious way and the effects on the body are nothing short of a miracle.

  6. I was at a wonderful Universal Medicine workshop yesterday where Serge Benhayon shared how we don’t actually hold back in that we are always expressing something – it is just what are we expressing. My understanding of this is: are we expressing all that we truly are (love) or are we expressing something else (not love). So when you speak of holding back you are sharing that you when you hold back your love you invite in and express all that is not love and the consequences of that.

    1. This is something that applies to everyone at different times because it is very hard the way the world is set up and due to our past momentum to fully express love 24/7 (even though it should really be hard to not express who we are – but such is the crazy world we have created). The more we allow our loving expression the more it grows and inspires others and changes the momentum 🙂

  7. ‘Following my impulses and honouring them by listening to them and following them through, even if it does not work out as I expected – it feels way more honouring to do something and not do it perfectly, than not doing it at all.’ This is something I have recently looked at more and more – why we become reserved as we try to do things to reach a certain outcome rather than with a certain quality.

    1. Expectations & perfectionism are deadly, being curious, understanding and playful makes way for the activation of true change.

  8. Imagine how many books, how many web sites and articles are out there in the world on how to live a ‘better life’ – all dedicated on what to do and when. But how many of these focus on the quality of energy that we live? What you present here Lieke is gold – what if we have got life the wrong way around? Instead of measuring what we do, we might be well advised to try learning to care about the type of energy that is there. Even when we hear this, there is a tendency for it to go in one ear and out the next. So let’s stop and really see what life would be like, living with respect to quality first.

  9. I have heard it said that true health and well being comes from living from the inside out and not the outside in. A child naturally does not hold back their joy, love and playfulness until much later in their childhood such as when they start school. So could it be that we begin to hold back expressing our essence because we have taken on what we have experienced from the world and not expressed from our essence back in full?

  10. Thank you for being inspired and inspiring me! We learn so much from our bodies and to be able to pool those resources and help others means we have living medicine experts all around us. Our medical system would be so different if we saw ourselves as equal partners in our own healing. No doctor or nurse burnout, much fewer, if any lifestyle illnesses…

  11. “It is in not holding back the love I feel for all people in this world and expressing it so.” – I felt a sadness when reading this as I can feel that I hold back sharing my love and joy for life and people, because frankly, my life is so beautiful and amazing. Not everyone’s life is that. But mine wasn’t this beautiful 7 years ago, I was a mess. But through Universal Medicine sharing a consistently loving and joyful way to live life I made changes. I have held back in the fear of being alone in my joy but when consistently lived it doesn’t take long for others to want to join on their own accord and not stay in the misery. Thank you Lieke.

  12. Clear and practical bullet points to understand that ‘holding back’ comes in a variety of ways and scenarios that are, in my experience as a ‘master of holding back’ very detrimental and destructive to the body..
    “I have been holding back for most of my life, and through the teachings presented by Universal Medicine and Esoteric Healing sessions, I have come to understand – and have now an absolute knowing for myself – that holding back has an effect on my body. A big one”.

  13. When we hold back we have to use a lot of self-imposed force to reduce ourselves to be less than who we naturally are and this force is felt in the body because to move or express in this reduced way is not natural for it.

  14. Lieke, I can feel how as adults we do this, ‘Holding back is not doing something my WHOLE BODY is telling me to do. And from what I have observed children are less likely to hold back and if they feel to do something they do it, as adults often we go into our heads and come up with mental reasons why we can’t to something, I can feel how this is holding back our natural expression.

  15. I am continually amazed by how much my body is willing to tell me when I am willing to listen – and the more I listen the more I can feel how harmful holding back is on my body.

  16. Not holding back is accepting – in full – who we are. That is, that we are more than human, it is living in the appreciation that we are universal and when we are in acceptance of this, we bring this universality to whatever it is we do. Now that, is stupendous.

  17. Thank you Lieke I can relate to all the symptoms you describe and not holding back is coming up for me to address at the moment so it is super supportive to read your blog today. In the past I have felt overwhelmed by how much I have held back in all areas of my life and felt I did not know where to start. ‘The healing of holding back is in these small things, but also in expressing what I feel is true and not true in the world.’ In addressing the small things where I hold back this allows for more freedom in my expression and supports me to speak up where larger issues are concerned.

  18. I noticed last night how I was holding back my expression. I have always held back from expressing within this particular group of people in particular one person. Last night was no different except I was more aware of what was going on. The biggest thing I noticed was the lack of acceptance of myself eg. If I had said something and the other person made fun which he was very capable of doing that would have crushed me but because of the awareness it did support me to express a little. Awareness and understanding are helping me greatly to learn and appreciate what I bring to the table and to accept where I am at on my path of return.

  19. It is amazing how the body can alert us to our behaviours by giving us a health condition to pay attention to – it is a shame that it has to get to that point before we listen.

  20. You capture so well the heaviness of holding back and the lightness and joy that come from expressing all of who we are and sharing that with the world.

  21. Amazing how our body shows physical symptoms from holding back who we are. So often we think that our physical symptoms are just through chance, this is definitely not the case.

  22. Coming back to your blog Lieke is such a gentle, yet powerful reminder, to not hold back but to express fully and responsibly.

  23. Another form of holding back, I notice is very exhausting, is pretending that I do not know what decision to make and stay in indecisiveness, going back and forth, look at it from all sides etc. etc.. All the effort that goes in this thought process is draining my body, my kidneys start to ache and I get tired of myself being not present enough in my body and thus not able to make any decision whatsoever, sounds familiar?

  24. Lieke your description of holding back is spot on, I can very much concur….
    “It is like feeling extremely joyful, wanting to jump and celebrate and totally go for it, and then being nice, courteous and polite and moving slowly instead.”
    As Serge Benhayon has told us time and time again “everything has an equal and an opposite” so what we have to pull in to counter this naturally joyful expression is a life-less function, a stagnancy that is devastatingly void of purpose and meaning.

  25. I was in a men’s group meeting recently, where some like minded men gather fortnightly for an hour to discuss how we are dealing with being ourselves in the world. The discussion had a flavour of how we discuss the same issues outside of the meeting and the pictures we have if we do. The meeting wrapped up with how we even held back telling people we were in a group, let alone what was discussed! Some closed with: If you told someone you were going to church that would end that conversation. So, saying you were going to a men’s group should be the same! If they should ask what the meetings are about, it opens an opportunity to express, so why are we holding back?

    1. Your comment exposed something that I was not aware of. I have been attending mens groups for three years and your comment made me realise that I had never really discussed this or what was discussed except with my family. Definitely some holding back going on here that I wasn’t until now aware of.

  26. It is our expression of truth, of what we feel from within, that confirms the truth of who we are in essence – love. As you wisely shared expression is the antidote, to the loveless we are left feeling when we hold back on being and sharing who we truly are.

  27. This is a start of a new medical dictionary Lieke. There are so many dis-eases that we deem normal to live with and simply blame on the body and age, but as you show here there are many factors that influence our wellbeing and the way we live in everything we do is either good or bad medicine for us.

  28. ‘…it feels way more honouring to do something and not do it perfectly, than not doing it at all.’ I agree with you Lieke, that’s the key point to start breaking the pattern of holding back.

  29. The fact is that everything is everything. Our thoughts can change our pH level in the body hence do more to our body than we choose to realise yet.

  30. I agree Lieke, it is our whole way of living that has an effect on our health, our body and how we truly feel. Through deepening my awareness I realise the depth of tension and hardness my body goes into when I hold back, which stays locked in the body and affects every moment and with what I need to do on a daily basis.

  31. Holding back brings in a tension that our bodies have to then work through, and it is also a missed opportunity to be with God and enjoy each others company.

  32. Thanks for writing this Lieke, it feels very needed. For me I hold back way less than I did but reading your list of symptoms of holding back showed me clearly that there is still much to do and more to the point much more to be.

  33. Great to stumble on this blog this morning Lieke. As i read your article i could feel the holding back and the ‘sticky’ feeling this brings to the body! If my body is not feeling supple, yummy and flowing with the joy in my being not being expressed in all its delight – then, I am holding back. And oh, is it yucky to feel – no wonder so many of us will choose to numb with a myriad of things on offer, so that we do not feel this underlying pain of holding back our true expression.

  34. When you don’t hold back and allow all of you to express in full then this is an incredible feeling. Every particle in the body is dancing and the joy is something you can not avoid. There are so many areas of our lives where we can go it in full and be all of us and then equally have other areas of our lives where we hold this back. My key focus at the moment as presented by Serge Benhayon is to work on bring all of me everywhere I go no matter what. A quality that I am not prepared to compromise on for anyone or thing. There is much to learn in this and I keep embracing day by day how I can do things differently and feel the outcome. So much beauty to be shared.

  35. Reading this I have an appreciation for the fact that I have stopped holding back quite a bit, as my lower back problems have reduced dramatically. Thank you for this.

  36. Once you choose to feel where you hold yourself back .. You can start to observe more where else you do, not as a critique ever, but an invitation to being you all of the time by allowing step by step not to hold back.

  37. We are not really taught about the physical and emotion damage we can cause ourselves through lack of expression or holding back. It is beautiful that you were able to address this issue, of course the work is never done but you have begun the process and can feel that you are the master of your own body in this way you are free to choose “safety” or calculated choices or the joy of the impulse of the heart.

  38. Your list of where we can choose to not hold back and instead express and live all that we are and all that is there to move with, is a deeply inspiring reminder of the amazingness we are and can choose in any moment to reflect to the world… in full rather than in measured portions. The world needs the reminders for we are currently suffering as a whole in a world where less is the norm.

  39. “What is the antidote?” I love your list of antidotes to holding back. One in particular – “Expressing myself, not holding back and totally going for it when I feel to do something.” If we start with just one thing it can inspire us to do other things also and thus be more in full.

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