The effects of holding back on my body

by Lieke, Dentistry Student, Ghent, Belgium

You may think that our lifestyle is just what we eat, how much we exercise and whether we smoke, drink alcohol or use drugs, but I have come to understand that there is a deeper level of lifestyle, or livingness, which includes my whole way of living, that has an effect on how I feel and the health of my body.

One of the things that affects me is holding back.

What is holding back?

Holding back, for me, is to not follow through an impulse that is true and from my heart, and instead not doing it or doing the absolute opposite.

Holding back is not doing something my WHOLE BODY is telling me to do.

It is like feeling extremely joyful, wanting to jump and celebrate and totally go for it, and then being nice, courteous and polite and moving slowly instead.

I have been holding back for most of my life, and through the teachings presented by Universal Medicine and Esoteric Healing sessions, I have come to understand – and have now an absolute knowing for myself – that holding back has an effect on my body. A big one.

What are the effects of holding back on my body?

  • Lower back pain, especially when lying down in bed at night (you may know this one, it is that pain in your lower back that you may try to relieve by pulling your knees up to your tummy, with or without success)
  • Exhaustion
  • Feeling of dullness
  • Heart beating faster and more strongly than usual
  • Anxiousness
  • Tension in my whole body
  • Pain or cold in my lungs, or a sort of unpleasant feeling in my chest
  • Heart burn
  • Constipation, if I do not allow the natural flow of things… it is not a coincidence that my bowel reflects this in not flowing either. As well as the fact that when I am holding back, I often hold back from following my first impulse as to what to eat, which results in my body not getting what it needs to do a proper job. PLUS to not feel all of the above I can choose to eat foods that are numbing my body and actually disrupt the healthy flow of my digestive system.
  • Headache at times, with the frustration of absolutely knowing but not following through my feelings

What is the antidote?

Expressing myself, not holding back and totally going for it when I feel to do something.

Following my impulses and honouring them by listening to them and following them through, even if it does not work out as I expected – it feels way more honouring to do something and not do it perfectly, than not doing it at all.

The healing of holding back is in these small things, but also in expressing what I feel is true and not true in the world.

It is in not holding back from saying something, even if it might not be what others think. Not holding back even when it challenges the status quo.

It is in not holding back showing that I am beautiful and know it.

It is in not holding back my innate joy of living my amazing life.

It is in not holding back the love I feel for all people in this world and expressing it so.

It is in not holding back knowing I am from God and that I am a beautiful being here to express my love and light in the world.

This expressing myself more and more and not holding back makes my body feel lighter, more vital, and extremely joyful. The pain in my lower back has disappeared, my body feels more free in its movements, my back is more straight when I stand, there is a bounce in my steps when I walk and many of the other symptoms are gone and only come back to remind me when I am holding back in an area of my life.

This all is a work in progress, but for sure my way forward.

I am forever inspired by and in deep appreciation of the teachings of the Ageless Wisdom, as presented by Serge Benhayon and his family.


Read more:

  1. No longer holding back in life
  2. From holding myself back to wonderful changes

1,028 thoughts on “The effects of holding back on my body

  1. Thanks Lieke, a great blog, important topic and very relatable. “it feels way more honouring to do something and not do it perfectly, than not doing it at all.” This understanding means we can give ourselves permission to do new things, express in new ways, and honour what feels true without any expectation to ‘know it all’, and that it is a learning process. So often we can hold back because it is a new area.

  2. This is an interesting blog to read because I’m sure so many of us hold back in so many different ways we have been conditioned to be ‘nice’ ‘good’ not rock the boat which really means that society wants to live a certain way and does not want anyone to be a ‘whistle blower’ to the fact that our society isn’t working has never worked because it is built on false foundations in the first place. We were never meant to be here on this plane of life we are in fact the aliens. For the vast majority of us we are involving and not evolving and this is having consequences that we will not like.

  3. When I am holding back I get a lot of knee pain, mostly in my right knee. I am realising that I have wanted something holding me back, some sort of excuse that would justify my immobility. But what I am finding is it’s actually my choice to hold back from how amazing I am.

  4. Lieke, I resonated with the lower back and years ago I used to put it down to the extreme exercise I placed my body under. And now, from time to time, I may experience this pain coming up, and the next time it does, I’ll review my day and how my expression was held back, this is biggie for me. I have held back from speaking for a loooong time and the wishing I had dialogue and conversation then takes hold in my mind and plays havoc.

    The body always communicates to us, it is the best piece of material given to us, it never stops, just like the heart beating. It communicates and repairs even as we sleep. Isn’t it time it was treated with more love and respect?

  5. I am constantly catching myself in how well trained I am in moderating my expression. It happens almost automatically and I am not even consciously manipulating it. It can be very subtle but even the slightest shrinkage or contraction I feel in the body lets me know that I have left me. This is an amazing learning process, being with the body, listening and allowing it to just move on its own accord.

  6. I always find this so practical and relatable, and I have to wonder how many ways holding back has an effect on our health and wellbeing. It truly must take such enormous effort to not be the fullness we are, and then make this reduction of ourselves our normal and live it everyday.

  7. The more I have become aware of the my body and how it feels particularly if I am connected to my absolute essence I feel open, tall, expanded, full and all knowing, yet when I feel myself when I am not connected I can feel the contraction, shutdown, shorter, hard and serious. So the two are a choice I can make and one is extraordinarily amazing and simple, the other is complicated and hard.

  8. ‘Holding back’ is like holding our breath so that our lungs cannot expand to the degree they naturally would were we left to naturally inspire that which is available for us to do so. It is our love that we hold back – our most natural breath.

  9. Thank you for not holding back in sharing all you have learned about the impacts on the body of holding back and the antidote is an inspiration to be all that we are.

  10. Holding back on expressing how we feel and communicating what is happening to others stifles us and clogs up the flow that would otherwise unfold and allow more to unfold.

  11. I really enjoyed the practical approach to what you wrote here Lieke about holding back and it helped me feel into how this has impacted my body in so many ways, especially that lower back pain you mentioned while lying down and now when I hold back expressing something it feels like a knot in my stomach and a dull headache too. This is great to get that immediate feedback from my body so I know that I am holding back living my truth and can then choose otherwise.

  12. Not holding back our awareness is key to supporting the body, as we become more aware of what is going on around us we also become more aware of our own body too.

  13. I absolutely agree – how we express ourselves or don’t express is a big part of our life style, and it has a huge impact on how we express our everyday life. We all know how horrible it feels in our body when we don’t express ourselves in the way we want and when we want, no matter how hard we try justifying it in the name of being ‘good’ or whatever the adjective we would find fit to be acceptable.

  14. I agree Lieke – it doesn’t mean we have to get into confrontations or fights. Not holding back means keeping our awareness in full and not playing it down and can lead to many different outward expressions.

    1. Christoph, that’s where I was muddled, holding back was either a confrontations or fights OR not saying anything at all!…So, now it is being refined, confrontations and fights are out and now the true expression is emerging, without perfection. I don’t always get it “right” as such, but I’m certainly learning more and more. I ponder on each experience and see where my expression may have imposed on another or, expressed what needed to be expressed – I love this moment in my life and discovering more and more of who I truly am.

  15. I keep coming back to this blog when I feel myself holding back, trying to contain my feelings and keep them from seeing the light of day. It’s a lot of hard work for something that creates a lot of pain and tension. There is none when I follow through on expressing how I feel.

  16. Love this full bodied description of what holding back is and how it feels.. holding back to me feels like walking around with the brakes on, being cautious and not stepping forward into what is there to naturally do or express. When we do let go and stop holding back, we feel lighter and more expanded – and are so often offering more than we realise to each other.

  17. Holding back is a form of holding, i.e. tension and over time the body breaks down being held in a way that is not suitable for the body.

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