The effects of holding back on my body

by Lieke, Dentistry Student, Ghent, Belgium

You may think that our lifestyle is just what we eat, how much we exercise and whether we smoke, drink alcohol or use drugs, but I have come to understand that there is a deeper level of lifestyle, or livingness, which includes my whole way of living, that has an effect on how I feel and the health of my body.

One of the things that affects me is holding back.

What is holding back?

Holding back, for me, is to not follow through an impulse that is true and from my heart, and instead not doing it or doing the absolute opposite.

Holding back is not doing something my WHOLE BODY is telling me to do.

It is like feeling extremely joyful, wanting to jump and celebrate and totally go for it, and then being nice, courteous and polite and moving slowly instead.

I have been holding back for most of my life, and through the teachings presented by Universal Medicine and Esoteric Healing sessions, I have come to understand – and have now an absolute knowing for myself – that holding back has an effect on my body. A big one.

What are the effects of holding back on my body?

  • Lower back pain, especially when lying down in bed at night (you may know this one, it is that pain in your lower back that you may try to relieve by pulling your knees up to your tummy, with or without success)
  • Exhaustion
  • Feeling of dullness
  • Heart beating faster and more strongly than usual
  • Anxiousness
  • Tension in my whole body
  • Pain or cold in my lungs, or a sort of unpleasant feeling in my chest
  • Heart burn
  • Constipation, if I do not allow the natural flow of things… it is not a coincidence that my bowel reflects this in not flowing either. As well as the fact that when I am holding back, I often hold back from following my first impulse as to what to eat, which results in my body not getting what it needs to do a proper job. PLUS to not feel all of the above I can choose to eat foods that are numbing my body and actually disrupt the healthy flow of my digestive system.
  • Headache at times, with the frustration of absolutely knowing but not following through my feelings

What is the antidote?

Expressing myself, not holding back and totally going for it when I feel to do something.

Following my impulses and honouring them by listening to them and following them through, even if it does not work out as I expected – it feels way more honouring to do something and not do it perfectly, than not doing it at all.

The healing of holding back is in these small things, but also in expressing what I feel is true and not true in the world.

It is in not holding back from saying something, even if it might not be what others think. Not holding back even when it challenges the status quo.

It is in not holding back showing that I am beautiful and know it.

It is in not holding back my innate joy of living my amazing life.

It is in not holding back the love I feel for all people in this world and expressing it so.

It is in not holding back knowing I am from God and that I am a beautiful being here to express my love and light in the world.

This expressing myself more and more and not holding back makes my body feel lighter, more vital, and extremely joyful. The pain in my lower back has disappeared, my body feels more free in its movements, my back is more straight when I stand, there is a bounce in my steps when I walk and many of the other symptoms are gone and only come back to remind me when I am holding back in an area of my life.

This all is a work in progress, but for sure my way forward.

I am forever inspired by and in deep appreciation of the teachings of the Ageless Wisdom, as presented by Serge Benhayon and his family.


Read more:

  1. No longer holding back in life
  2. From holding myself back to wonderful changes

1,029 thoughts on “The effects of holding back on my body

  1. A great blog Lieke that has woke me up to the fact that holding back is not just about marking time and remaining in the comfortable status quo, but about not taking every opportunity on offer in your everyday life to grow and learn.

  2. Having a bounce in our step shouldn’t constitute a ‘rare’ and particularly amazing day, it should be a normal standard. Maintaining this bounce is something we can develop by observing life and not taking issues on or letting ourselves be swayed by exterior influences/forces out to knock us off track.

  3. I know the frustration I have been feeling during all my life has come from holding back my natural expression. Acting nice caused headaches, migraines and exhaustion, no wonder as it takes a lot of energy to suppress innate joy and love.

  4. Holding back in myself has created enormous tension in my body with numerous aches and pains. Letting go and expressing myself in truth more and more supports my body to open and loosen up.

    1. I find my body speaks very loudly with holding back, particularly when I don’t write or verbally share what’s was there to be expressed. For me calf muscle pain and general exhaustion are symptoms common in my body.

  5. I was in a meeting the other day and held back from expressing something that was clearly in my body to expressed but I held back. I could not only feel the impact this had on my body but also feel how in not expressing, something of great value had not been shared.. however after the meeting I was aware it was still in my body so I expressed it to one of the people present, we discussed it and much was gained from it, also my body felt so much lighter. Holding back is a big pattern of mine and a work in progress in not, and more and more I realise the importance of expressing all that is there to be expressed, and not just verbally.

    1. That’s great Ruth, it’s a process of observing this in ourselves and how it honestly feels when we hold back, as well as how our body responds when we do not hold back and instead express fully. Everyday is an opportunity to observe and learn, to develop wisdom, and to implement new ways of being in the world that are true to our body and to our innate essence of love.

      1. Yes Melinda and I love the learning and guidance from my body, how it shows me exactly my choices in how and when I am holding back with this so I can work with it.

  6. Holding back is a pattern of movement whereby we confirm that life is dull and grey and so we are. This is the pattern of movement we have said yes to. This pattern of movement affects us because every movement communicates to ourselves that we are less than what we naturally are.

  7. Lieke, this I feel is important to remember everyday; ‘It is in not holding back knowing I am from God and that I am a beautiful being here to express my love and light in the world.’ This feels like our true purpose.

  8. Thank you Lieke for highlighting the effects of holding back and the impact this has on our body and everything around us. When we speak our truth from what we are feeling within us we feel our body truly respond as this is how we are naturally designed to express ourselves.

  9. Thank you Lieke, this is always such a healing read and very supportive, it feels like all you have shared here is timeless in its wisdom. I really enjoyed your dot points on the antidote for holding back, including “Expressing myself, not holding back and totally going for it when I feel to do something.”, and “It is in not holding back knowing I am from God and that I am a beautiful being here to express my love and light in the world.” Thank you Lieke, very inspiring.

  10. From reading your ‘effects of holding back’ list it is so obvious how doing so affects our body, something that most of us would not realise. I didn’t realise until recently that the many symptoms that you quote, and I experienced, were actually as a result of my holding back my expression of who I am and the truth as I knew it to be. But today, with the understanding of my body that is growing daily, I can now tell instantly when I have held back from expressing all of me as my body speaks so very loudly. And these days I listen!

  11. There are so many reasons we may use to hold ourselves back. It is actually painful in the body to do so. Usually it is our mind that feeds us all the reasons we should hold back, and it is the body that cops it. We have a little struggle going on between the body and the mind and which one we should follow. Ultimately the truth lies in the body and we cannot ignore it.

  12. Holding back can have very obvious physical impacts – one I notice in myself is a hardness in my shoulders, upper arms and the back, like I am protecting or bracing against life, which then leaves my chest very shut down and hard, like I have caved it in. This might not seem too bad in a sense, but I know that I then carry this with me in my day, impacting my openness with people because my body is communicating a level of closed off-ness to them.

Leave a Comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s