by Cherise Holt, Nurse, Australia
When I was 20 years old, I graduated as a nurse and began to work in a Rehabilitation unit, in a major city hospital. On any shift I would be allocated to approximately 7 patients, all of whom were recovering from surgical procedures, injuries and various illnesses & diseases. They all varied in the amount of support they (and their carers) needed from me, physically, mentally and emotionally.
I worked shift work, usually days, afternoons and weekends and it was not uncommon to work 7 days without a break or have very irregular shifts. I frequently worked until 11pm at night and would then start another shift beginning at 6.30am the next morning. I used to think I had barely enough time to drive home and sleep, let alone take time to wind down properly or bring true quality to my relationship with me (or anyone else!).
I worked hard and I would tell anyone that I thoroughly enjoyed my job. I loved talking to the patients, although found it difficult with those that wanted more of my attention or more solutions from me than I felt I could give. I liked providing care for them, however found that the physical tasks I was doing for them, even the basics of daily care, was becoming tiring on my body.
At age 20, I was already feeling drained by my career; how could this be?
At age 21, I had a serious lower back injury and was unable to keep working, although I had pushed myself to try. I found myself in a young body with limited mobility; requiring rehabilitation, physiotherapy, day procedures and narcotics for the excruciating pain I was experiencing – in fact, I was looking not too dissimilar to any one of my patients.
I held the belief that I was going to get better and return to work as soon as possible, but I had a lot of fear for the physical pain or damage that I could possibly do to myself again. I discounted any thought (or suggestion) that I could find work anywhere else, because in my mind I had committed myself to returning to my workplace and simply picking up where I left off.
As the many months went on, I continued to experience great pain and felt stuck within my own choices. I had placed so much pressure on myself to get back to where I was that I was not listening to my own body and what it actually felt it could do. I began to feel more worthless in my self because I wasn’t able to work and reach my goal; hardness on me that I can see now was only serving to further inhibit my own recovery.
After two full years of not working I had a moment, a communication with myself where I questioned my held beliefs – who says you have to take your body back to that specific workplace? Are you really letting anyone (including yourself) down by moving on?
With this simple conversation, I let go of a belief that I had created and had held in my own head for a very long time, and with my renouncing of its controlling hold, I just let it go!
Within a short time I was applying for new jobs and found myself in a perfect position within a day hospital setting. The shifts supported me, as did the physical workload and my colleagues, but most importantly I began to uncover just how detrimental and stunting a held belief really can be! It’s a disease in our bodies.
When we invest in ideals and beliefs, we are seeking outside of ourselves for the right or should thing to do, and we can get caught up in pleasing others too. In this we contract ourselves away from the natural expression and personal rhythm that we can otherwise live our lives in and from. The toll that this way of holding back takes on our bodies is enormous (and my back is a true testament!).
These days I am SO grateful that my back and my physical body communicates with me the way that it does, reminding me that when I honour me and my body and don’t compromise myself for ideals, beliefs, pushing, trying, or other people, my body is left free to move in the flowing freedom and beauty that is my own rhythm. On the flip side, when I don’t honour what I feel and what is true for me, my body tells me through an ache, pain or tightness straight away, reminding me that I carry a wisdom far greater than any ideal and when I truly listen I am brought back to the truth of what I know and how to be in the way that I live.
Forever inspired by the work of Serge Benhayon & Universal Medicine, supporting me to gather the pieces of the puzzle that collectively bring true medicine and the way that I live back together again.