by Fiona McGovern, Isle of Arran, Scotland
Where I live cancer seems rife; every day we hear of another neighbour, acquaintance or friend with a diagnosis of cancer. Personally I have metastatic breast cancer; I was diagnosed six years ago at the age of 47. Finding the lump now 9 years ago was a huge shock and yet underneath the shock I heard a very still voice say: “This is your time to heal, Fiona.” I began an outward search for an answer, and as I have already written elsewhere on this blog (Breast Cancer: “Knowing what I know now, I would definitely do things differently”), this took me way off path.
When I began to work with Serge Benhayon seven years ago, I began my return to true healing, to the expression of the real Fiona – a beautiful playful wise woman, whom I had lost in all my outward searching.
How did I reconnect with her? I married conventional medicine, in the form of chemotherapy and radiotherapy, with esoteric medicine. Practically, the first step was to open myself to what the doctors could do for me. The second was to throw out all my ideals and beliefs about healing – and there were many!! Once I did this I found accepting chemotherapy straightforward. I stopped worrying about the side-effects and instead had fun with the wigs. I am now on my third, a blonde one, and am researching whether blondes really do have more fun!!!
I found myself opening up to the nurses and other patients, making lovely friends as I did. I see each weekly visit to the hospital as an opportunity to sparkle and I smile at the results – there is definitely more laughter in the waiting room and the ward.
I changed the way I was with food and began to feel what my body wanted, when it wanted it and how much it needed. I began to have fun creating new recipes with foods that truly supported my body. The nurses are always curious as to my packed lunches and they comment on how much care I take.
The last scan taken in February showed that I was responding positively to the treatment. The primary tumour in the breast has reduced in size by 15% as have the lesions in the lungs and liver.
I have had 32 weekly infusions of paclitaxel (taxol). The usual is 18, but they have said I may be on it indefinitely, because of the way I look after myself. They have little experience of this as most people can only tolerate it for the standard 18 doses, due to the side-effects of reduced white blood count or neuropathy in the feet. So far my white blood count has stayed stable and I do have neuropathy, but it is mild.
At first I was told they could only hope to hold the tumours’ growth, but clearly the medicine is doing more than holding it. “For how long?” is a question I don’t feel they can answer. They say it’s up to me – how many to have and when to have a rest.
Someone asked me the other day do I ever feel like giving up and I said ‘no’. I realised that because I have this deepening connection to me and so enjoy reconnecting and expressing deeper levels of me, there is no way I could feel like giving up.
I did however say sometimes I get fed up and that made me ponder: “Why?” I realised I had got stuck on something. I needed to lift myself up by seeing a new side effect -neuropathy in the feet- differently. I asked what I was learning here and I became aware that with the feet feeling slightly numb, I was being asked to walk with even more awareness of each step I took and how I placed my feet on the earth. I began lovely exercises with my toes to increase my awareness and appreciation for all they do for me.
I also felt to start a weekly diary of what I was celebrating with each treatment. I choose a tiny notebook I could easily carry with me and in it I record all that I am learning. Keeping this makes each treatment fresh and fun.
I began to ask why was I apologising to others for my walking slowly and why was it getting me down. I realised that I had always gone through life at such a pace not stopping to truly feel where my body was at and what pace suited it – constantly pushing down the fact that my mind was so distracted and busy I could not truly connect to the beauty of nature around me as I cycled or walked. There was always another certificate and more knowledge to be gained. Then I realised that pace was something I took on as a child when I was unable to keep up with others in the gym, which seemed to be the way to be popular. I never understood sport or competition but instead of honouring that, I found another way to prove I was ok. I could pass exams with a good memory and I knew how to work hard so I pushed down what I felt and what my body felt to find a way to fit in….oops.
Now as I walk I feel a growing and deeper appreciation of my body. I am also now learning that it is ok to go at my own pace and definitely ok to honour my body in all I do.
When people want to speak about the illness, I keep bringing the conversation back to me as a person with a full life, so I am not identified by the illness. I also stop any sympathy, as I find that so draining. I have been known to hold my hand up and say: “No, stop, I don’t do sympathy.” I correct people when they say: “You poor soul”, as that’s simply not true. The soul is not poor; it is wealth beyond anything the world can bring and the more tender I am with myself, the more wealth I rediscover. Cancer for me was the stop I needed to bring me back to self-love and love. It has reconnected me to God and that is a true blessing.
Two years ago I asked myself: “What is it you would really love to do?” and the answer came immediately. I wanted to express myself through art and writing, so with the support of an esoteric art educator I began a daily ritual of drawing and painting and of writing a journal of my healing, with quotes that inspired me from Serge’s talks and books, and also from my own inner heart. This has given me a treasure of inspiring images and words that nourish me and others I share them with.
I recently had a visit from the hospice nurse and he said “You are the model for how it could be for people with cancer ….you have it within you ….just no-one wants to take it on board.”
People say cancer is a fight. I don’t feel it is. The battle for me was before, when I lived from ideals and beliefs, now I have reconnected to me there is no fight or battle, just a beautiful return to truth.
Through marrying the two medicines, I have found a medicine that is tailor-made for me. I can be my playful self and the beautiful woman I was born to be and I can come out of hiding and express myself. I am blessed with the support of the doctors and of Universal Medicine, and with the marriage of the two in me.
Medicine and Serge Benhayon 
Fiona, I homed in on ‘I found myself opening up to the nurses and others patients’. When I read this, I know that when I open myself to others, people see me for who I am, they can see when I am vulnerable, they can see me when I am sad, and the list of who I am, could go on.
I’ve observed keeping yourself closed to others is keeping yourself closed from others and hence keeping yourself closed from yourself. An important step to discovering more about you, is being open to all.
Absolutely Doug. Esoteric Medicine gives us the support and tools to look at what is truly going on energetically and to lovingly start to address it. This is key along with conventional medicine to truly get to and heal the root cause and even if something like cancer does not heal or clear we still have the opportunity to heal and clear this energetically in our body which of course then supports the next life when we reincarnate.
‘I am now on my third, a blonde one, and am researching whether blondes really do have more fun!!!’ You are such an inspiration in how we can choose to be in each moment.
Fiona led the way in how to be playful and joyful whilst undergoing what to most would be debilitating cancer treatment clearly showing that there is another way to approach illness and disease and how we can support ourselves whatever we are going through and be an inspiration to others.
I agree Vicky, we can be playful with any illness, it is a stop moment. It can be perceived as a joyful clearing moment, or you can choose to be miserable and wallow in your own misery of being irresponsible for your wellbeing. Neither is incorrect or correct, it is bringing the understanding we are all perceiving things differently.
Dear Fiona, there is such joy in your sharing, it was a joy 🙂 to read. Thank you, Sarah
So true, the battle we put ourselves through – the fight to go against the what is and the truth of who we are, we armour ourselves with ideals and beliefs, resisting the simplicity of our Soul and its way, and we don’t recognize it as such until we find our way back in the sweetest surrender.
We cannot see cancer as a fight, cancer is an opportunity for us to see patterns that we have held on to for many many years, they are deeply ingrained and as a result we have it reflected back to us through illness and disease in a way it is the body’s way of discarding all that is not who we are, when we see it like that we realise how amazing our anatomy is and that the body heals itself through illness and disease when the body can no longer carry our un-dealt with issues.
Fighting cancer does not allow us to see the opportunity that we are being presented with to heal the ill patterns that we have chosen for so long. Instead of fighting we can choose to surrender to this process in a deeply self loving way.
It is incredibly inspiring to read Fiona’s blog, that the care and love that we can give ourselves supports us through the toughest of times and that when we value ourselves we have an ability to take our treatment in our stride, knowing that to love ourselves is the greatest Medicine of all.
“People say cancer is a fight. I don’t feel it is. The battle for me was before, when I lived from ideals and beliefs, now I have reconnected to me there is no fight or battle, just a beautiful return to truth.” I love this paragraph, we spend all our lives fighting and it gets us nowhere. It’s only when we stop the fight – in whatever circumstance – that life begins to return to how joyful it really can be.
‘People say cancer is a fight. I don’t feel it is. The battle for me was before, when I lived from ideals and beliefs, now I have reconnected to me there is no fight or battle, just a beautiful return to truth.’
Fighting a disease has become ‘normal’ in our society today and the healing that is offered is often experienced as a curse. The beauty of combining the benefits of Western or Conventional Medicine with Esoteric Medicine is that the combination offers true healing.
Beautiful examples of things that happen to many people with an illness. ‘When people want to speak about the illness, I keep bringing the conversation back to me as a person with a full life, so I am not identified by the illness. I also stop any sympathy, as I find that so draining.’ And I absolutely agree, sympathy doesn’t serve anyone, in fact it brings us all down.
There is great joy in expressing truth and I love how you express when people say ‘you poor soul’ and brought it back to the truth by expressing what you did. We have to be always careful with words as they have a true meaning and using them for anything else can seem innocent but it is not as shown in your example as it robs us from truth but also normalises this.
“Cancer for me was the stop I needed to bring me back to self love and love.” What wisdom is shared here. If only we all realised that our essence is love and that illness was a correction to take us back to our loving essence, there would never be a fight against any health condition, rather an understanding of the opportunity to return to more of ourselves and deepen into the love we are, and live that in daily life.
“People say cancer is a fight. I don’t feel it is. The battle for me was before, when I lived from ideals and beliefs, now I have reconnected to me there is no fight or battle, just a beautiful return to truth.” This is so important for us all to recognise, that there is no need to fight cancer or any illness or disease, it is the body’s way of releasing and discarding the emotional overload and poisons we have dumped in the body by living ideals and beliefs that in no way serve us. With this understanding it becomes so much easier to embrace the illness rather than seeing ourselves as a victim or one of the unlucky ones.
“The battle for me was before, when I lived from ideals and beliefs, now I have reconnected to me there is no fight or battle, just a beautiful return to truth.” When we fight we set up a resistance which causes an outplay in our body and our mind. Align to what our body tells us, reconnect – then there is truth.
“Now as I walk I feel a growing and deeper appreciation of my body. I am also now learning that it is ok to go at my own pace and definitely ok to honour my body in all I do.” We are all unique and need to honour our body – wherever it is at, whatever we do.
What an inspirational piece of writing this is. Fiona’s experience is surely something that could be used as a model for anyone who receives a diagnosis of Cancer and for any medic who works in this field. Such a refreshing, honest and open approach could turn the ongoing care and treatment of this all too common disease around from one that is filled with dread, to one of acceptance and true healing.
“People say cancer is a fight. I don’t feel it is. The battle for me was before, when I lived from ideals and beliefs, now I have reconnected to me there is no fight or battle, just a beautiful return to truth.” I was moved to tears reading this line today, as I realised this is the same for so many of us in the way we currently live our lives – on a battleground – when it does not need to be.
Yes, so much struggle in the everyday – as we ‘battle’ our way through the day and the old adage of ‘mind over matter’ feels a complete nonsense. Reconnecting to how we feel – not what we think – is a great way forward away from struggle.
I love the way you share your experience, Fiona. It’s very inspiring, not only for someone with a major illness, but also for someone who is not suffering any of it. The stop you did when cancer appeared in your life is the same stop I can do right now and revise the quality of my living. There’s no need to wait for an illness to make that stop, but even if that would be the case, your approach is really inviting to honour ourselves in everything we do.
So true Amparo, we can make a commitment to ourselves and to love without an illness prompting change.
What can the doctors do for me and what can I do for myself – what a great marriage! You always inspired me Fiona.
This was very beautiful to read and a standout message for me today is that there is so much in life that we can learn from if we are open to it.
Reading your blog I realised most people who are fit and healthy don’t enjoy and embrace life as much as you do with cancer – isn’t that crazy? This in itself has to be a sign that something not quite right with the way we are choosing to live.
Meg your comment points to the fact it’s the true health of our being that brings joy to life. What’s the point of a healthy body if we feel miserable or empty inside? Yes it’s great to have a healthy body but what about a well being? 🙂
I agree Melinda – our health is down to our whole well-being, as medicine starts to suggest with depression etc being a state of ill-health, our health is also about feeling bright and vital and having a spring in our step and our ability to really embrace life and everything it has to offer.
Yes, a remarkable observation, Meg. So many people who have ‘everything’ are often not enjoying their life and themselves. So there is a lot to gain if we change the way we live.
What a gorgeous sharing of what life can be a deepening understanding of and connection with ourselves and our bodies and those around us. A way to celebrate who we are … life can be this way no matter where we are, even in illness and if it can be that with illness it can be that without too … deeply inspiring.
A beautiful testament to a different way of being and living with illness, that is the opposite of the victim of fate that we so often believe is the only option, the only way to be with it. I love all the practical steps you took to really look after yourself through the illness and to learn who you really are, beyond the illness. Our bodies are our connection to who we are, to the Universe and to God – and so when we invest in them by taking deep care, it’s an act of self-love that connects us to a knowing that we are part of something that is much bigger than ourselves.
“People say cancer is a fight. I don’t feel it is. The battle for me was before, when I lived from ideals and beliefs, now I have reconnected to me there is no fight or battle, just a beautiful return to truth” – this is so profound. I can feel how we often fail to recognize an opportunity for healing and stubbornly fight what’s on offer only to revert back to the ill way of being that has culminated in a state we did not want to find ourselves in.
Yes this fight is another reason to bring tension into the body and that is exactly what the body doesn’t need anymore.
“People say cancer is a fight.” When we fight anything we will create resistance. Battles that were won are often only temporary. Learning to listen to the body and honour what it tells us – from moment to moment – is truly supportive for health, and not only when we have a disease, but for life. It is shocking to realise how often we disregard what our bodies are telling us.
‘People say cancer is a fight. I don’t feel it is. The battle for me was before, when I lived from ideals and beliefs, now I have reconnected to me there is no fight or battle, just a beautiful return to truth.’ A beautiful reminder of how much energy we waste living a life from ideals and beliefs, and how much there is to learn through the healing process.
What you have described is a true marriage of love. Love is the best medicine ever.
Reading this today I wanted someone to video you to make a short-film so the world can see how living with cancer can truly be.
This is a very beautiful account of living with cancer. One that is consistent amongst those who have shared their experience in linking Esoteric Medicine and Conventional Medicine together in their treatment plan.
Interesting re-take on the whole ‘cancer/fight/battle’ when you write here that cancer actually helped you to surrender and realise the battle had taken place prior to your disease detection.
This re-imprints the way we deal with cancer in the world – no sympathy, no ‘poor you’ but a celebration of the lessons our body teaches us
“Now as I walk I feel a growing and deeper appreciation of my body. I am also now learning that it is ok to go at my own pace and definitely ok to honour my body in all I do.” This feels important for us all to do – not just when we feel ill or have a serious disease. How different might our health be then?
That nurse was correct – this is a model that could be used in the future for approaching cancer, not as a devastating disease but as an amazing opportunity to heal and reimprint your whole life – it would a hundred percent change the life of every person experiencing cancer.
It is interesting how people use the word fight when they talk about cancer and see it as a battle to be won, yet we don’t say this about heart disease or any of the other life threatening illnesses, and in fact the opposite is true. When we surrender to cancer we are surrendering to the body, and allowing the body to do what it needs to do, and by listening to our body we know what our next step will be and true healing can begin to take place.
This is beautiful Fiona. I can really feel through your experience that cancer doesn’t need to be a fight, it can be a gorgeous surrender that not only offers the blessing of true healing to the one with the cancer but also to those who can see and feel what is being reflected.
This is so inspiring. We can either choose to be crushed by illness and disease or take every symptom as a message from or body to learn from and deepen with.
This is an extraordinary account Fiona of your journey with cancer. You offer the reader much insight and a deeper understanding of how to deal with cancer and to not see it as a death sentence or a burden, but in fact the opportunity it gave your body to truly heal. Your article will support and inspire so many people with similar medical conditions not to feel they have to fight anything but to develop a deepening relationship with oneself and with the body’s wisdom and intelligence.
Thank you Anna for your comment, this is so true about illness and also about the esoteric way of living “to develop a deepening relationship with oneself and with the body’s wisdom and intelligence.”
To feel the level of understanding expressed here is amazing, that someone notes that how we live life can be a fight and that cancer put a stop to that shines a wholely different light on healing and what it is to truly live … and you can feel it in what’s offered here, that Fiona has come back to herself, that she’s learned and deepened her relationship with her along the way and as that in each step she’s asked what is there to see here. Reading today that in fact when we get down we may just have ‘gotten stuck on something’ reminds me that life is open, naturally so and when I am stuck on something I’m out of rhythm with life and that it doesn’t need to be this way. Thank you Fiona for the depth and profoundness you offer us all here.
It’s an amazing realisation, that the fight of ones true natural self and their body led to the cancer, and the cancer itself is not something to fight but a stop to allow space to return to the true essence of the person and to listen to the body. A harmony restored.
“People say cancer is a fight. I don’t feel it is. The battle for me was before, when I lived from ideals and beliefs, now I have reconnected to me there is no fight or battle, just a beautiful return to truth” – this is so profound. We keep trying, battling and struggling and call it a life, but there is another way to be that truly honours and loves who we are.
‘People say cancer is a fight. I don’t feel it is. The battle for me was before, when I lived from ideals and beliefs, now I have reconnected to me there is no fight or battle, just a beautiful return to truth.’ What a revelation to be shared with all who are in ill health as an inspiration to embrace healing.
There is so much to learn and appreciate in all facets of our everyday life – and keeping diary is a fabulous way of doing and celebrating this as it provides the opportunity to reflect on our days and weeks and appreciate where we have come from to where we are now.
After reading this, I can really feel how we hold back from living life as tenderly and beautifully and richly as we actually can. We don’t need to wait for a life-threatening illness for the grace to go there, but more often than not we do play that game. I can feel the depth of joy possible when we choose to live as lovingly as we can in the now, without waiting for a disease to give us that opportunity.
Truly remarkable to hear someone in your position finding life such a joy, it really puts things in prospective. I feel very inspired to take the signals my body is giving me as a blessing not a curse.
This is how we need to approach cancer, not fighting it or blaming it or hating it but using every single step we make to re-imprint our old ways, and finding a new fresh way to rebuild our life.
Your view of life is just stunning. I love that you see your cancer as the stop you needed to bring you back to love… and you are unable to withdraw from life due to the ever deepening connection you choose for yourself and the enjoyment you have at reconnecting to and expressing the deeper levels of yourself. A blessing indeed… and as a result, an inspiration for us all.
Fiona you are truly inspirational and show that when your heart is full of love and you’re then open to see what is getting in the way of truly living who you are, the way ahead can be one of joy and exuberance for your life.
Fiona you have truly shown us another way to embrace our illness and disease and how a marriage of Western Medicine and Esoteric Medicine truly work together. You are a inspiration to many others going through a similar journey.
As we walk with a deeper appreciation of ourselves and the way our body feels, we get to learn how to honour ourselves, and if that means that we need to take our time and we do things more slowly our body will be more responsive because we are taking its lead.
I was out with friends last week and the partner said to his wife ‘don’t sympathise!’ It was a breath of fresh air to hear another speak firmly yet so loving in his expression. I observed the comment because sympathising used to be one of my behaviours too, but as I got to feel how unsupportive the energy of sympathy actually was, realising that there was not one ounce of love in it, I started to change this way of communication and expression and my wellbeing felt all the better for it.
I know what you mean Caroline. Sympathy is a poison so the sooner we stop it the sooner we can start expressing compassion and love.
‘Then I realised that pace was something I took on as a child when I was unable to keep up with others in the gym, which seemed to be the way to be popular.’ I had exactly the same experience as a child, the popular girls and boys were the ones who were good in sport and there was less or no respect for others who would not have the pace they had. To champion what the body can achieve and the competion in sport seems to be a guarantee for arrogance and separating us from a young age.
Fiona’s refusal to be identified by her illness but rather to re-connect with life is inspiring and demonstrates clearly how we all have choices about how we approach any situation we are faced with and the opportunities we are constantly being given to heal and re-imprint those choices.
This is a wonderful example of how we can either choose to ‘fight’ the illness and symptoms shown by our body, or we can choose to embrace the experience and reflect on what it is showing us about healing past unloving momentums and re-imprinting a way with deep honouring, love and tenderness.
Fiona – ‘It is all within you’ – Your blog truly feels like a celebration and the precious gifts just keep on coming – Thank you for sharing this precious blog.
Fiona raises a great point here ‘When people want to speak about the illness, I keep bringing the conversation back to me as a person with a full life, so I am not identified by the illness.’ This is such an important point, if we are identified for our illness, our illness becomes bigger than we are, we are first who we are and we happen to have an illness.
What comes across so clearly reading this blog is how Fiona embraced the opportunity cancer offered her to heal old ways of being and to deeply connect with and truly nurture herself. As one of her medical staff commented this is the way living with cancer can be, and it can, and Fiona has blazed a trail for us all with her lived example beautifully shared here. I no longer fear diseases like cancer having read these blogs and now have a huge understanding that anything we face in life, an illness or an accident is an opportunity to stop and go deeper and to feel what we can see, how we can bring more love, and that anything we are stuck on is in fact an invitation to go deeper and an opportunity to let go. This is such a blessing and to have have these writings for all of us to share is a huge gift.
‘People say cancer is a fight. I don’t feel it is. The battle for me was before, when I lived from ideals and beliefs, now I have reconnected to me there is no fight or battle, just a beautiful return to truth.’ So beautifully said by Fiona …and we can find this fight with ideals and beliefs anywhere in our daily lives – not just when we are experiencing a more physical illness.
Very true, ultimately we can fight anything, but our bodies always show us in the end that this fight is not natural to us, nor our health and well-being.
“People say cancer is a fight. I don’t feel it is. The battle for me was before, when I lived from ideals and beliefs, now I have reconnected to me there is no fight or battle, just a beautiful return to truth.” This sentence is something that relates to everyone, I know when I look at my life and how I’ve lived growing up that I lived in a constant fight and battle, one where I was not the tender loving person that I am but someone far from this caught up in ideals that were feeding the discontentment in my life. What is shared is how through whatever it is that gives us a wake up we can return to who we truly are. Very inspiring.
Pure Gold…wise words from someone who has lived it and knows….”People say cancer is a fight. I don’t feel it is. The battle for me was before, when I lived from ideals and beliefs, now I have reconnected to me there is no fight or battle, just a beautiful return to truth.” We so often fear or blame when we get ill, this blog offers a completely different perspective, amazing.
There is so much for us to learn about terminal illness in this blog, it is an absolute treasure. And the notes and diary entries that Fiona mentions are no doubt equal treasures that hold deep understanding, wisdom and learning for us all.
How great that you had an opportunity to heal so much and to return to the real Fiona, ‘a beautiful playful wise woman, whom I had lost in all my outward searching’. You were very playful when I met you, very inspiring.
Maybe there is a new way to look at illness – if Fiona has cancer but feels truly joyful and connected to herself maybe this is a true form of wellness, not because of the presence of the cancer but because of the true presence of the person? And, how “well” are we cancer/disease free but joyless, empty and disconnected to ourselves? There is an energetic wellness that surpasses everything the body experiences. And it is this energetic wellness that precedes and informs the body’s wellness. This is why the marriage of esoteric medicine and medicine is so vital for true wellness.
What an amazing claiming of life with illness as a true healing, and how through working with conventional and esoteric medicine Fiona found a way to be her and to learn how to truly love and support herself. This is how we can be with illness and it’s deeply humbling to read of someone who’s lived this and to know that this is possible – this is how we can be with illness understanding it’s purpose and seeing where it is asking us to be more us.
This is the role model on which to base living with cancer. Caring for our body, rembering how to love and connect with people, ourselves and life. Healing through the change in how we live, not necessarily through becoming cancer free. Such a way of living is truly honoring of the essence that lies within our bodies. Could it be that this is all our body has ever wanted, us to live from its grace?
It’s amazing how we walk around and we choose to not be seen or go into protection because another is choosing it. Every day I am accepting more and more my feelings are everything, and the more I choose it the more I feel empowered that this is normal.
Fiona what you have so beautifully expressed here is the true meaning of marriage – a marriage made in heaven.
When we are willing to appreciate the body’s ability to support us in healing, alongside using conventional medicine, we open the way for this to be the normal for all. Your results Fiona are testament to the marriage supporting each other and indeed a celebration of our beautiful bodies and the healings they with practical and true support deliver.
Why are we not making the connection between the way we are choosing to live with the prevalence of illness and disease because we need to understand that breast cancer or any illness or disease starts well before its physical manifestation.
True complementary medicine in action. I always knew that complementary medicine was to support western medicine, but it was from purely a functional level. That body work was to let our bodies relax and support rest; that herbs and nutrition was for support and re-balance the health of the body. Even though I know that health was much more than not having a physical condition or illness, I really never gave it much more thought than that. What I love about what is shared here is how the receiving of western medicine has great purpose, beyond that of treating the disease and Fiona was living this purpose as she wrote this article. The joy in her words, the way she was in relationship with all that she met during her journey and the depth of love and appreciation for herself that she was so willing to share with others – all of this is exquisitely beautiful. I can feel how this article has been written to support the many others who will be in a similar position that Fiona found herself in and this is a true gift of love.
How inspiring this is that ‘the big C’ as we term it can be seen as a blessing that ‘reconnected me to God’ and was ‘a beautiful return to truth’. I have heard similar reports from others and witnessed similar ‘transformations’ myself in a friend who had Leukaemia who without a doubt, reconnected to a deeper part of herself through her illness. Bringing the esoteric understanding to our current medical model is something I have certainly benefitted from too. It is a very beautiful ‘marriage’.
Is it possible that illness and disease are in truth part of healing? The body is very wise and has an innate awareness of what is harmonious and what is not. It eliminates poisons very effectively – which is just as well because we seem quite adept at feeding ourselves such things. If we are willing to see a much bigger picture than the commonly believed ‘you get one life on this planet’, then eliminating energy from our being that does not belong could quite easily be the purpose of illness and disease. Perhaps our very wise Soul (and not a ‘poor soul’ at all) understands such things – as can we if we choose to listen.
No battle or fight, just a return to truth, how absolutely exquisite. What I feel in Fiona’s story is how she peeled back all the falsities she’d been living with and how as she did, her life became lighter and simpler, lived from her own body and rhythm. There is a huge learning for all of us in this, to let go the battle, the striving, and to embrace our bodies, our rhythms and live in honour of them.
It’s a huge healing for someone to be on the receiving end of ‘No stop – I don’t do sympathy’ – if they accept it. Wider understanding of how draining sympathy is on the subject of it’s gaze, would bring about a step change in the way we (humanity) feel about illness, disease and death.
Your grace is deeply felt in this sharing Fiona and indeed your way with cancer, embracing each step an an opportunity to go deeper and bring more love is one for all of us to hear in all situations in life – this is what is offered when we face those moments and your sharing of your journey with it is truly inspiring. Thank you, each time I read it I feel anew that no matter what, we never give up, there is always more depth and more love to live and express: Or as you have put it ‘I have this deepening connection to me and so enjoy reconnecting and expressing deeper levels of me, there is no way I could feel like giving up.’ – this is a gem among many.
Just because you open yourself up to the fact that the world is energetic does not mean you ever ignore the physicality of life – and that is one of the keys to understanding the relationship between esoteric medicine and western medicine. Similarly, just because there is a physicality to life, does not mean you ignore the fact that all is energy.
“I keep bringing the conversation back to me as a person with a full life, so I am not identified by the illness. ”
This point is very significant. For how many patients identify themselves with their illness, especially when it is cancer or a life-threatening disease. This also reminds me of doctors rounds where the doctor will identify the patient with the illness and the bed number and forget the name of the patient.
Another great point you raise is sympathy. As nurses we are taught that it is good to be empathetic or sympathetic with patients. But instead this is very draining.
I agree Loretta; working in the health arena myself I have found it is commonly thought that good practice is to empathise with patients, yet that can be a real road block to considering what is being offered by way of true healing. Instead the focus is usually on removing or reducing the symptoms being experienced so the person can resume their old lives. Thanks Fiona – you have made it very clear that considering the cancer in a holistic fashion makes an incredible difference to the outcomes.
I feel so inspired to take care of my body in a different way.
Fiona, you have shared your story with such grace – thank you. I have learnt much from what you have written. I realised that I have a fear of serious illness and any associated pain, yet the healing being offered is very profound. What a blessing to have the combination of Western and Esoteric medicine!
I love what you have shared, I feel like it shows so clearly how we do not have to be defined by disease and illness. What you reveal is the fact that when we let go of the sympathy and shock, we can reclaim our true self, seeing this experience as an opportunity to deepen our connection to self. What a beautiful shining example you are of what is possible when you marry conventional and esoteric medicine and truly begin to honour your body and yourself.
So true Jade, that honouring our bodies and ourselves is the way to go. As our bodies do tell us nothing but the truth at any moment of the day, whether we want to hear it or not. Therefore the power we connect to if we start to listen to our bodies, either by being stopped by a severe illness or accident, is beyond our imagination of what life has been for us up to now.
This is both magical and beautiful to read with the honesty and gift Fiona is offering us all to share. Conventional Medicine, Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine working together for humanity, what a gift. The empowerment and joy felt is amazing and a real inspiration for us all, with or with out cancer, and brings true understanding and healing. Slowing down to walk at your own pace stands out to me in the honouring of yourself and how you feel and I can really releate to this, thank you..
I love this Joseph, “I love the sense this blog carries that each moment is like a new chance to discard these ideas of what is right and wrong, and live instead with oneness to simply feeling and acting on what is felt”. Doing this has completely transformed how I live and how I deal with everything in life.
Fiona I love dearly what you share here. With the number of cancer diagnoses climbing constantly, your way of living is a shining light for our world. For it is not by telling that people will make the changes, this has happened for years with constant bombardment of what is good for us and what is not. Yet the choice is still made to disregard what the body feels and to constantly bombard it with foods that hinder health, and lifestyle choices that do the same.
It is only when the world experiences people like yourself that connect to and live from their inner heart, that the world will begin to feel that any healing must come foremost from their own deep love of self, as this is what will support them to eat and live in a way that fully supports the body and any treatment that may be needed to allow the body to come back to a harmonious way of being.
This is a timeless article, that lives and is relevant, showing the healing power of awareness, self care, self love and the combination of the esoteric and conventional medicine. A partnership of true health care. Thank you Fiona for sharing your insightful story.
It is delightful reading this article. What a great inspiring and graceful story of accepting and appreciating the lessons that unfolds in our life, even when there is a major illness. “Cancer for me was the stop I needed to bring me back to self-love and love. It has reconnected me to God and that is a true blessing.” It is so evident from such stories that Universal Medicine and conventional medicine make a powerful combination for healing. Conventional medicine is great at dealing with the physical issues and Universal Medicine provide invaluable support for deepening our connection and appreciation of our self and our body as well as an expanding understanding and engagement in our life during the whole process.
It is the expanding understanding and engagement in life that has rather astounded me since becoming a student of Universal Medicine and choosing to connect deeply to my inner heart and to the people that are around me. If someone had asked me before I would have said that I was an understanding person who was fully engaged with life. I now know that in truth, my engagement was with protecting self, first and foremost. So my mind was constantly one step ahead in every situation. Living how I live now, I know deeply that being one step ahead is not being present, fully engaged and understanding.
“I have found a medicine that is tailor-made for me” – incredible Fiona. You are embracing discovering your soul, which is timeless. So there is nothing more to do than keep deepening this connection, which happens to be supported at this time with a deep deep healing from the cancer. Awesome inspirational read.
Such a wisdom and it is there for everyone who is honest and can feel the truth of illness and disease. ‘People say cancer is a fight. I don’t feel it is. The battle for me was before, when I lived from ideals and beliefs, now I have reconnected to me there is no fight or battle, just a beautiful return to truth.’ Beautiful Fiona, you wrote it down for us all to read and feel.
“When we don’t honour our greatness and live in a way that is less than our greatness, our body stops us to offer us the choice to re-connect back to the truth of who we are” Wow, powerful statement. Completely changes the way that I see illness and disease, for they are actually only a opportunity to come back to how great we really are, I can really feel actually the blessing that illness and disease now really is, as I can feel the grandness that I truly am, and when an issue comes up I am simply being given the opportunity to come back to that grandness, wow.
Fiona your story is inspiring. Your recipe for life is universal in health or in sickness. Your cancer has made coming to the truth about life with more urgency and a clarity to live from truth.
3 lovely points stand out here – the first being that it is possible to honour and understand physical ailments, pains and symptoms – why we are getting the particular symptoms we do and how it is a beckoning opportunity to live more from the depth of who we truly are. The second being not accepting sympathy – feeling how it drains, disempowers and misplaces the responsibility and part we have played in the condition. Thirdly not identifying with the illness and physical condition as who we are – Fiona has shown illness can be lived through with grace, joy and in celebration of the call to come home back to ourselves.
Your attitude and outlook is deeply inspiring. This is a blessing for all who read this and get to feel the beautiful, playful and wise woman you thought you had lost but have clearly rediscovered in abundance. You are living proof of the power of Western and Universal Medicine combined.
‘The second was to throw out all my ideals and beliefs about healing – and there were many!! Once I did this I found accepting chemotherapy straightforward. I stopped worrying about the side-effects and instead had fun with the wigs. I am now on my third, a blonde one, and am researching whether blondes really do have more fun!!!’ I love this, the playfulness and the wisdom combined in such a light way and it shows us we always have a choice. A choice to worry or stop this, a choice to fight or surrender, a choice to give up or to enjoy the deepening of the connection. What a wisdom lived!
I love the honesty that is shared in this blog. It gives such as insight into cancer and what it is like for someone. This needs to be shared with many people so that we can gain a real understanding of what people are going through and be inspired by the way you can be with this.
‘Oops.’ Such a great word to use. No blame, no shame, no guilt. Just an observing and a realisation that we’re none of us perfect, but nonetheless we can still learn from the imperfection and choose differently next time. You’re a true inspiration in the way you’ve approached your experience, Fiona and your blog brims with pearls of wisdom.
Wow Fiona, I am feeling more deeply connected to what illness and disease can bring. Thank you for bringing your joy and sharing your re-connection through this experience. Revolutionary!
What a beautiful blog and an amazing support to read today and to understand that any difficulties we experience can be because we’re stuck on something and there’s a letting go and a deepening being asked of us at that moment, in other words an opportunity for us to be more deeply tender with us and to reconnect further. Fiona epitomises this in spades, I love the inspiration she offers us all here with her sharing.
What a wise question Fiona; ‘what was I learning here when faced with the new side effect – neuropathy’, you were being asked to walk with more presence with every step you took, just beautiful and a great question to ask ourselves in those times when we are challenged with what life presents us.
I love how you are with your illness and are in life in full. I can sometimes notice in the people around me and in myself as well that I am not in life when I am ill. That it is a break from being in life. Your blog totally exposes this for me, that you can be full in life even with a disease.
‘The soul is not poor; it is wealth beyond anything the world can bring and the more tender I am with myself, the more wealth I rediscover’. What a beautifully expressed sharing your blog is Fiona, you are definitely an inspiration to us all and a living example of how Esoteric Medicine and Conventional Medicine are truly complementary to each other.
Absoutely Sylvianbrinkman, the mentality is from society; let’s ‘fight’ cancer, as if cancer is the enemy, but there is another way, which is the complete oppostie of fighting and that is to ‘surrender’, because in the surrender comes the acceptance of your illness or disease and from that space, you are more able to hear the messages from your body in what will best support it to recover and truly heal – our bodies are so very wise, they know how to make us stop (the illness makes us stop) and our bodies know how to heal….but we have to listen.
Fiona, you and your expression is gorgeous! I feel so deeply settled in my body after reading this blog, and confirmed in my recent growing awareness that just being me is enough…and what I can Lovingly do in a day is also enough!…Way enough! Thank You, for Sharing your story And You!
It never ceases to amaze me how the body knows exactly when to bring us to a stop, and in that stop offers us the opportunity to begin our healing; whether we fight the stop, or surrender to its message, of course is up to us, but as Fiona so beautifully shared, in the surrender is where the healing begins. A truly inspirational story of the marriage of conventional and Esoteric Medicine, and the choices we make to support ourselves.
I agree Ingrid, I am continuously amazed by the perfection of the body’s timing and how it knows when to stop us, but if you see the body as a bank of all our choices and the way we are living then it seems rather simple as of course the body is going to produce a stop moment if we continuously make ill choices and create a disease within the body
To say that your experience is totally amazing is an absolute understatement. Cancer brought you back to LIFE. What I particularly loved is this question “do I ever feel like giving up” and your answer: and I said ‘no’. This is profound. We are not speaking about cancer and temporal life here. We are speaking about the journey that continues. What a great answer to reimprint what comes next.
This was amazing to read Fiona, how many stories about a person’s relationship with cancer come with such a lightness and an actual joy to have experienced as you have shared? And this is a great reminder that we don’t have to wait for something as serious as cancer to come by and force us to be more self-loving, it’s as simple as a choice and I feel inspired to continue making those choices now and not later. Thank you.
It always feels inspiring to read this blog Fiona as what you are sharing truly shows me how a disease process can bring such healing if we allow it to be – there is no fear expressed here but just a willingness to stay open to all possibilities.
Good point Anne, when we can let go of fear, what we are left with is a willingness to stay open and embrace all the possibilities that come our way.
Re-reading this blog Fiona I can feel an abundance of life within you. This is such a contrast with the people near me who have been affected by the disease. The light you emanate is surely brightening the day of people you meet in the ward.
It feels like an amazing privilege to read this blog and to appreciate the way that you allowed your body to inform you of each step of the way as your cancer unfolded. It is beautiful to feel how you fully embraced all that you were given in this blessing, and not only this, but found that you were empowered by the whole experience. We are inclined to view disease and illness as a demise when we should be embracing it as an opportunity to change, and to let them see that you are truly ‘a beautiful playful wise woman’.
I loved reading your blog Fiona I could feel a vibrancy in your writing that offered a great reflection for us all. I could feel how you have really embraced your cancer rather than trying to fight it. You are so right, sympathy is so draining and can quickly pull people down so it is great that you could see this and say no to it.
I’m finding that deeply connecting to my body and moving from the connection is a rich experience that is tangibly yummy. It feels like I’m putting on my favourite onesie.
It’s heart warming to read this blog. It’s such a genuine account of a medical journey, that’s bellowing truth and philosophy, rather than screaming ‘rah rah’ and words of fighting some invisible enemy. Any person with remotely similar medical conditions would do very well to feel the same for themselves.
‘I am also now learning that it is ok to go at my own pace and definitely ok to honour my body in all I do’. Going at our own pace is all that love asks of us and we do that by listening to our bodies.
Hi Fiona, I totally agree that there is absolutely nothing poor about the soul and stopping sympathy in its tracks is key to our own health. Finding the gift in every symptom as you have reminded me of the saying ‘every cloud has a silver lining’ perhaps this is what it means – it allows us to get back in touch with the body and learn to listen to it.
Fiona’s story and what she is sharing is so amazing -to find her true self because of the cancer diagnosis turns modern thinking about cancer on it’s head and is the opposite view of most cancer therapists and patients. The grace of how Fiona has lived can be truly felt.
“Now I have reconnected to me there is no fight or battle, just a beautiful return to truth.” Not only is this a re-evolutionary way to approach illness, it is a re-evolutionary way to approach life.
This is a Beautiful example of the power of working with our bodies and not to fight them. That is essentially all that marrying esoteric medicine with conventional medicine truly is – checking in with our bodies and taking responsibility for what is being presented to us while we heal the cause at the same time. A true healing when we go back out into life again.
Thank you Fiona these words say it all “People say cancer is a fight. I don’t feel it is. The battle for me was before, when I lived from ideals and beliefs, now I have reconnected to me there is no fight or battle, just a beautiful return to truth.”
I agree, that last line was amazing… not approaching life as a fight, but a chance to reconnect to the truth of who we are
There is such depth to the beauty, care and wisdom shared in this blog. The healing Fiona has brought not only to herself, but to everyone around her by her experience of this cancer is unfathomable. What an inspiration. Thank you again Fiona.
I am so deeply touched by your blog Fiona. Returning to love, through the vehicle of self care. Your writing and art is inspiration to those seeking true healthcare. Self care in health care for both patients and health practitioners. Imagine a hospital like this. I hope to see a hospital run this way in my lifetime.
The deep appreciation for the marriage of Western medicine and Universal Medicine is expressed so beautifully. This gives others who think that it is either one or the other an opportunity to reflect on the possibility that there can be the marriage of the two, demonstrating there is another way of responding to illness and disease by looking at the way we have been living, to choosing a different way of living to support our own healing.
Another earth shattering sharing from Fiona that offers every person with cancer gems of wisdom. The wisdom in the words cancer is not a fight only a return to the truth says it all!
Wow Fiona, I can feel what a deep appreciation and acceptance you have for anything that comes up for you and also a gorgeous playfulness – this is so beautiful to read, thank you for sharing.
What an inspiration Fiona has offered to all who experience sickness and cancer: she found a way to read what each symptom presented to her as truth and worked with re balancing herself in that way. I feel there were several marriages unfolding within Fiona…
Fiona it was truly amazing how you could learn to appreciate your body/feet within by feeling into how you had rushed through previously and this was giving you the opportunity to be fully present with your walk. Just beautiful that you could reflect and come to this realisation.
What a beautiful person, and what a lesson in joy and appreciation and living each moment fully. Whether we are physically sick or not, we are only truly living when we feel the blessing of each moment starting with being connected to the blessing which is our true and whole self. I really take so much for granted and do not make the most of my life and it’s awesome opportunities. This amazing and delightful blog has delivered so many learnings to me and I will be back again to re-read. Deeply touching.
I felt this too Melinda. This blog is so beautiful and light with a depth of wisdom that shines through and is not imposing in any way. This experience with illness and chemotherapy is really miraculous and is true testament to the support the esoteric philosophy and Universal Medicine can provide.Thank you Fiona.
I feel a deep appreciation of life when reading your blog and I feel deeply connected to being present and aware of what I can learn in my every day. Thank you for sharing some of the moments you have experienced and learnt from through encountering Universal Medicine and being diagnosed with cancer. I also really felt how you had connected to the potential of healing through being aware of way we get ill and what our body express to us – thank you.
I loved Fiona how you described your experience with illness as involving as a deepening connection and awareness of your own body and not as a fight or a struggle. I felt your deep level of responsibility and self-care towards your healing process.
Wow Fiona, yes you are a beautiful woman and an inspiring role model for women going through cancer and really all women. This really stood out for me – ‘The soul is not poor; it is wealth beyond anything the world can bring and the more tender I am with myself, the more wealth I rediscover.’ As you have shown that there is another way to heal, with you choosing both modern and esoteric medicine to work together to return you to your truly harmonious state of being.
Hello Fiona, it was really enjoyable reading your blog and you have really put things into perspective for me as far as honouring the impulse from the soul and moving at your own pace
Wow, what a blessing you are to humanity and to all those experiencing ‘sympathy-evoking’ illness and disease. Reading this post, written with such joy and self-honouring, allows me to see the ridiculousness of little things I hold onto in my life. I am inspired to let go of all my ideals and beliefs and live in joy no matter what my day presents.
Dear Fiona, I am absolutely blessed by your expression and this article is a true service for all. I love this line “Cancer for me was the stop I needed to bring me back to self-love and love. It has reconnected me to God and that is a true blessing.” So beautiful and deeply inspiring that you have accepted the healing that illness and disease brings, you have shone the way forward for us all!
Fiona, you have expressed so beautifully about how you honour your body and now live life at your pace. There are lessons for all of us in what you have expressed.
Fiona your words here are a true blessing and counter to the disease of cancer that so often is what people think. With your re-connection through honesty, you show there is another way … “I realised that because I have this deepening connection to me and so enjoy reconnecting and expressing deeper levels of me, there is no way I could feel like giving up”. And then in particular here … “People say cancer is a fight. I don’t feel it is. The battle for me was before, when I lived from ideals and beliefs, now I have reconnected to me there is no fight or battle, just a beautiful return to truth”. Wisdom from heaven lived on earth.
Thank you Fiona for your beautifully expressed article about your inner journey with the experience of Cancer. I found within your words such an awareness of the beauty and truth of who you are and I feel your playful and honest approach to the learning from your experience absolutely inspiring.
The cancer has allowed “you to return to your truth”. This is very profound Fiona, turning your life around, may I say, thanks to cancer. A few years ago it would have been difficult for me comprehend this.
I love how you stop sympathy and don’t accept someone calling you: “you poor soul”. As it is those little things that need our attention and need to be stopped and addressed and I know that many times I just allow those remarks to go over my head and do not counter them, mostly because I don’t want to rock the boat of comfort.
That is true Judith, I too tend to let these comments go because I do not want to rock the boat but am learning now that this is not wise to do as I am so much more.
I know, I loved that too Judith, I could just see it happening and the other person being quite befuddled, as it really is so normal to be sympathetic to someone who is ill and for them to want that sympathy, rather than accept and take responsibility for their lives in full, as Fiona has demonstrated is totally possible.
beautiful – I love that the nurse recognised you as a role model – you have taken responsibility in caring for your self – so lovingly – and it is this that has made the difference in the results of the “conventional medicine” that you undertook. Amazing evidence for what is possible with love.
You are an absolute inspiration Fiona and you’re article was very humbling. You remind me of what life is really about.
It is amazing how in touch you are with your healing process. If we had patients like you, the health care setting would be complete, as naturally the medical personnel would follow suit.
That’s right Luke, and getting better would be about even more than just healing , it would be about patient and practitioner evolving to a greater understanding of life together.
From what you have described I would love to be a patient, however, being a nurse in training, I’ll be honoured to deliver this type of care.
The world needs great nurses like you Luke.
That you see each symptom as a message from your body of how to reconnect more is beautiful and inspiring. Thank you Fiona.
I noticed this too in the blog Karen, it is very inspiring to see every symptom as an invitation to be even more aware of that part of my body and tend to it with more care.
I feel blessed to have read this beautiful and deeply touching blog. Thank you Fiona for sharing the playful wise woman that you are.
You seem to be able to bring a smile to the faces around you and certainly me when I read your words Fiona! I love you expressing yourself through writing and especially art which to me is something I have loved to do all of my life. So keep on smiling and painting and expressing through your writing and bringing joy to the other patients you meet.
Fiona, I agree the marriage of western medicine with Esoteric medicine is so supportive for us. You are and were a real role model for people with cancer, or any illness, and show how it is in fact a blessing as it helps us return to the love we are.
Fiona, you really are very, very valuable role model. Seven million people die of cancer each year and many, many more are diagnosed with cancer and you are a shining role model for each one of them.
I agree a shining role model for people with cancer and a shining role model for everyone else. I feel so inspired to take care of my body in a different way.
Fiona I feel more deeply connected after reading your blog, the appreciation for love, life, truth and yourself holds as a strong foundation. You are indeed a role model and one the NHS and many others could certainly learn from.
Absolutely inspiring Fiona. I love how you have come to the understanding, cancer is not another war to wage or struggle to stay in but like all disease an opportunity to grow in awareness through what is being lovingly offered, a path back to its cause.
Fiona, what you write sounds too good to be true, except it is true.
Taking 32 doses of chemotherapy is quite amazing. Doing it and NOT being depressed seems to be a very rare achievement. Congratulations.
A very inspiring blog, “now as I walk I feel a growing and deeper appreciation of my body” thank you for this Fiona.
Just gorgeous Fiona, today I could feel more deeply what the cancer brought, a true deep connection with you, the joy of you and so of course it was a gift – you had an opportunity to deeply connect with you and you absolutely embraced it. And today as I’ve been struggling I get to see that I too can do this – I needed a reminder and here you were, thank you.
Freedom shines through your words, Fiona. Like sunrise.
Such an inspiring article Fiona. I love how you say ‘ I see each weekly visit to the hospital as an opportunity to sparkle and I smile at the results ‘ this inspires me to see every day as an opportunity to sparkle. I wiggled my toes as I was reading, they have gone lovely and warm and tingly. Thank you
Thank you Fiona for sharing your journey with cancer, it is so inspiring, and your willingness to keep learning and growing from it has been a joy to read. I can really relate to this sentence. “Now as I walk I feel a growing and deeper appreciation of my body. I am also now learning that it is ok to go at my own pace and definitely ok to honour my body in all I do.” I am learning this too Fiona and it is a very powerful part of the healing process.
This is so powerful ‘People say cancer is a fight. I don’t feel it is. The battle for me was before, when I lived from ideals and beliefs, now I have reconnected to me there is no fight or battle, just a beautiful return to truth’ to be able to view Cancer in this light is deeply inspiring. So much energy is expanded battling against this disease, mentally emotionally and physically. As Fiona so beautifully expresses, choosing to not fight it is not giving up, rather it allows you the space to reflect and feel and learn from the lessons that it is teaching you. Viewing disease and life with this open curiosity leaves us open truth and the language of the soul, beautifully inspiring.
I agree Annemarie, making a fight of something just compounds the original issue so you end up with reaction meeting reaction and going nowhere. Taking time to feel what this illness or disease is truly saying gives us the opportunity to understand why we manifested it in the first place.
Beautifully expressed Tim, a fight is indeed reaction meeting reaction and as you say what’s there to be felt can be missed. Most of all when we go into reaction we miss the possibility of joy and learning that is there for us, tailor made for us actually as our bodies show us how we can be. Fiona’s blogs are so inspiring as they showcase that, how underneath it all no matter what’s happening to us, there is us, the joy of who we are and how each situation be it cancer, an illness or an accident is a way for us to go deeper into feeling and expressing us.
This experience of cancer is absolutely inspiring, everyone should be able to know that there is another way to go through this disease, with out the fear and the fight. And, what a true blessing that you have written so much of your experience to share with others. A huge support for anyone who is given the diagnosis of cancer would be to read your blogs.
I love the tenderness, care and joy that exudes from this blog. And that willingness to keep going deeper, how you were with your feet, and how looking at that allowed you to see that you take the time you need and you truly honour how your body is and needs to be – that is amazing and shows me that every little thing that happens can be a way back for me, for us all to go deeper into us and feel the divineness within us all. Thank you Fiona for blazing a trail so gracefully and with such honesty and humour.
This is so inspiring to read. I could relate to “I realised that I had always gone through life at such a pace not stopping to truly feel where my body was at and what pace suited it”. Even now I still find myself rushing and not feeling or allowing myself to feel where my body is at and what pace suits it. It is a blessing to be reminded.
I love the simplicity of the message and the grace and love in which it is delivered. A true inspiration. Thank you Fiona.
This is such a beautiful but also humbling article. Fiona is a true teacher here, fully teaching from her lived experience. How inspiring to see there is another way to look at illness and disease in a totally responsible and positive way. I don’t do sympathy holding up a hand, love it!
A true teacher indeed, I also found the response to sympathy quite brilliant.
There is so much to be shared here, one day it will be. I especially loved this realisation, “People say cancer is a fight. I don’t feel it is. The battle for me was before, when I lived from ideals and beliefs, now I have reconnected to me there is no fight or battle, just a beautiful return to truth.”
This section also really stood out for me. It is so common to champion “fighting against” an illness or disease. Just now as I considered it I realise how whenever I have been ill, I have simply wanted to be gentle with myself – taking care and nurturing was far more in line with what I felt than fighting.
I love that this blog brings such a meaningful way to look at cancer and other diseases. How awesome that Fiona got the message loud and clear that this was now a time to heal for her. What an inspiration to many to inspire us to go deeper within ourselves and ask what each symptom and condition is teaching us and what it is we can learn about the way we have been living. I find this most empowering.
This is a whole new way to look at illness and disease and your phrase ‘Cancer for me was the stop I needed to bring me back to self-love and love. It has reconnected me to God and that is a true blessing.’ is an inspiration. thank you Fiona
This is an inspiring article sharing how cancer or any illness can be seen and used as an opportunity in life to bring changes to how we are living, by stopping and reconnecting to ourselves. Fiona exposes, and this is confirmed by the medical staff she met, there is another way of being with breast cancer if coming from within rather than going along with the fear and dread of the disease. I love what has been shared in this sentence “People say cancer is a fight. I don’t feel it is. The battle for me was before, when I lived from ideals and beliefs, now I have reconnected to me there is no fight or battle, just a beautiful return to truth.” Having experienced breast cancer myself I can relate to much of what’s been shared, but especially this part as previous to diagnosis my life was a constant fight and struggle every day as I resisted how or what my body was feeling just because I thought I needed to live my life in a certain way. It is a blessing that what has been shared with honesty can inspire other women to see breast cancer in another way. Thank you.
Yes I agree Julie, Fiona and a few others, have shown that there is a different way for all women in the future to have the option to view cancer differently.
Thank you Fiona so inspiring and beautiful. It’s so amazing all you have left for the world, the true way to see illness and disease and be with it as ones guide and return oneself to love and the pure joy of life – thank you for your reflection.
I found your blog very inspiring Fiona. I like where you say ‘When people want to speak about the illness, I keep bringing the conversation back to me as a person with a full life, so I am not identified by the illness.’ what a great attitude to have.
This is a great reminder from Fiona for anyone who has an illness.
What an amazing, beautiful,blog. I feel blessed and humbled, enriched, to read it.
I am sitting here with the biggest smile on my face as I re-read Fiona’s blog. I am remembering our sizzling hot dates ,as our Skype calls were affectionaly known. These hot dates were so much fun, filled with honest sharings,fun joy,laughter and copious amounts of sillyness, and this is how they remained right up to Fiona’s passing…..Through her writings and sharings Fiona has left some amazing treasures on earth for us all to see and feel, and she has shown us that there is another way to truely live with illness and disease.
Hi Elizabeth, I never got to met Fiona but loved her writings, I would love to see them as a short book published on line and in print. There are so many who would benefit enormously from the grace she so obviously lived and the playful way she expressed up until her last breath.
Vanessa, what a great idea. I was lucky enough to meet Fiona – In a nut shell she was totally gorgeous and very playful. I would love to see that book too!
So true Elizabeth, Fiona has shown the world a new way to be with cancer or any other terminal illness. She embraced it, called it her friend, and lived with joy until her last breath.
It is revolutionary to see cancer as your friend…in this light it can be very healing. If we use cancer as a wake up and choose to come back to love, than it certainly can be a friend. Fiona chose to love and heal herself and so her death had meaning and purpose. We all must die, I would like to learn, before I die, to feel the love and joy that’s inside me like Fiona did.
She did indeed and the few times I met her, she was more full of life than most seem to experience. A great marriage of medicine.
Your description of Fiona, her fun and playfulness etc.,is how I remember her, despite her on going health issues. She was and is an inspiration.
Fiona, this blog is exquisite, deeply inspiring. The way you took responsibility for yourself and for your health is a role model for anyone, including myself.
Truly inspiring Fiona, thank you for sharing.
What a beautiful blog!
“the soul is never poor” So true
“People say cancer is a fight. I don’t feel it is. The battle for me was before, when I lived from ideals and beliefs, now I have reconnected to me there is no fight or battle, just a beautiful return to truth.” We may not have cancer but we all have our battles until we return to truth.
Thank you Fiona. I feel the love and joy in how you’ve approached each step and your gorgeous honesty in seeing the healing to be found there. It’s truly inspiring for all. And yes you have truly exemplified the model of how to be with illness. What an imprint for us all to have. Thank you.
Absolutely amazing Fiona – you truly are an inspiration! I hope we get to see your artwork and read more of your writings one day.
A beautiful article to be shared with everyone to see the healing in illness and disease if we choose it. Thank you Fiona for sharing this and all your other articles you leave so amazingly loving and Joyful and inspiration for everyone.
Great article Fiona. You can really feel the joy and love in your words.
Fiona, thank you for your very wise words and deeply loving way of living. You are not only as your hospice nurses’ words “You are the model for how it could be for people with cancer ….you have it within you …” but a model for how deeply everyone could love nurture and respect themselves. I am sure the nurses and doctors are making a few changes or at least think about it for themselves. In effect you are giving everyone you come in contact with options of another way of being… Yes, you are amazing and what you are doing is HUGE.
I agree Jasna. Fiona is a model of how we can deeply love and nurture ourselves.
Fiona, I always love reading your writing. You are a true treasure. Thank you for sharing YOU with the world. What a service. You are amazing.
Dear Fiona, how effortless your expression feels, and I get a picture of how graceful your walking has become, how grand is your inspiration to all of us who read your blog, speak to you in person, or walk past you on the street.
Amazing, Fiona – you are such an incredible and powerful inspiration!
Thank you Fiona for sharing such a beautiful experience. I can relate very well to your reconnection to God as I too have lived for many years with dis-ease in my body. I felt very scared when I first tried on a wig but now celebrate the experience and get so many compliments! Thanks again. Go you! x
Hi Linda,
having a wig is such fun – I smile when people compliment my hair, he he
Dear Fiona,
I am in awe of your ability to heal, TRULY heal, yourself whilst going through a debilitating illness. You are an inspiration.
You are AMAZING Fiona. Truly AMAZING! You are a world leader in showing to all who you really are in the face of the transforming illness you are handling with such grace.
Fiona, there is such deep wisdom for us all in your realisation, ‘I was being asked to walk with even more awareness of each step I took and how I placed my feet on the earth…. I realised that I had always gone through life at such a pace not stopping to truly feel where my body was at and what pace suited it – constantly pushing down the fact that my mind was so distracted and busy I could not truly connect to the beauty of nature around me as I cycled or walked.’
What a difference becoming aware of the way you live and walk on this earth has made to the quality of your life! A joy to read!
Dear Fiona, your deepening understanding of your self truly allows anyone of us the possibility of experiencing any illness in and more expansive and responsible manner. Your impact on the medics cannot be underestimated either Fiona and your humour proves that you are the real deal!!. Thank you
Ah Fiona, you are the light in the leaves that blow in the wind and the joy in my heart when I read your inspiring words. What a presence in this world!
Thank you for being your love so I may also see it
Ariana
Thank you Fiona for sharing your glorious, beauty-full self. I can feel the deep love of you for you as I read your blog. You are truly inspiring and bringing the possibility of change to long held ideals and beliefs for all.
Hi Fiona, this is so beauty full and amazing, I have no words, while reading your blog I was able to connect deeply to my stillness. You are a true role model for everyone dealing with illness and disease, as you say “Cancer for me was the stop I needed to bring me back to self-love and love. It has reconnected me to God and that is a true blessing”. How wonderful to see it in that loving way, thank you for you being all that you are.
Wow this is amazing, thank you so much for your sharing, what an inspiration you are! Xx
You are amazing Fiona and an inspiration.
I love your comment on how you started doing some exercises for your toes and stopped to take time to appreciate all your toes do to support you. I have a disease which effects the digestion, I am inspired and feel to do a similar exercise in appreciation of my body and the digestive function it performs for me, awesome Fiona
Hi Toni,
I have found appreciating all bits of my body so powerful and a gorgeous focus
I loved this bit too, I just started wiggling my toes and I could feel how it made me aware of my body as a whole…such a simple exercise. thank you Fiona
It’s amazing how those little details of care matter and taking the time allows us to feel where we are. Such a simple exercise too.
This is an amazing article, filled with lovely insights. Fiona has shared her understanding that illness can be a blessing, in that it shows us how the way we have been living has been harmful to us, offers us opportunities to make true change, and shows us how to truly live, listening to the wisdom of our bodies. thank you, Fiona.
Wonder-full post Fiona . Thank you for your truly inspiring words. A gift for me – for us all I feel. Go girl!
Absolutely Sue, how great is it that people like Fiona are out there letting the world know true experiences and inspiring from the heart. This type of experience is absolutely News worthy
Fiona, as with your other posts, this is truly inspiring. As the hospice nurse said it, you are a role model for people with cancer. I felt so much joy reading your blog, feeling your tender beauty and your love, and I felt sad knowing that most of the world doesn’t reckon this can be when we are stricken with cancer or another serious illness.
Your story so needs to be shared and I realised how important it is to keep sharing and expressing what can be, what is a true, natural way, so that the world does remember.
Cancer has been in my family too (as in so many families). It would always be uttered with so much dread and fear and I remember feeling how it would seem that people would give their power away to this terrifying illness. They would feel powerless, and this seemed to be the norm.
Your story turns this around on its head. You are an amazing testimony of the power of our love, and how illness is not the villain, but as you have written, a loving ‘stop’ for us to reconnect, return and claim back the love that we are.
Hi Katerina,
this story does need to be shared so that we all remember what love can do and that we are here to reconnect to love
So eloquently put – ‘this story does need to be shared so that we all remember what love can do and that we are here to reconnect to love’. Every child should grow up knowing this as a fact.
Beautifully written and inspiring Fiona.