589 thoughts on “The Unhealthy Pressure of Society”

1. All I can say is those that try to change anothers choices may not like the reflection of someone choosing to support their health with self caring choices, as this may bring up the reality of what they are choosing for themselves. It’s not a bad thing to let others be uncomfortable though when we make self caring changes, as this can be a sign that growth is on offer, and it’s better than joining in on the status quo of self neglect and self abuse.

2. “Self-loving choices may seem out of the ordinary to some, but from what I witness on a daily basis in my clinics many people can now attest to the benefits they are feeling.’ Lifestyle choices are now being advised by mainstream medicine – and these results in huge changes. I know two family members who, by reducing their carb intake, are losing weight and reducing the propensity to diabetes.

3. Steffen, this is such a common disease, ‘the unhealthy pressure of society’. It kind of feels that do not dare to be different and when you are different, they class you as weird, or like already mentioned, people want to reason with you and in disbelief say, you don’t drink one glass of wine for a special day?’

   Drinking alcohol, drugs etc is now the norm, whilst before this wasn’t the case.

   I personally do not drink alcohol anymore and my eating has changed and I feel different. It is my way of life and I will not go back to how I used to live. I love going to bed early and I love waking up early, without the side effect of a hangover or anything else.

   Making loving choices to serve you and your body is true self-care.

   1. Social media adds hugely to the pressure for young people. Regardless of upbringing peer pressure can result in people acting in ways they would not ordinarily choose to. Standing alone against the crowd takes self-confidence and resolve.

4. ‘When they begin to make different lifestyle choices, they feel targeted, condemned or even bullied and find it hard to make the changes they would like to make simply because of the pressure that family, friends, work colleagues and society puts on them.’ This pressure comes from those who want to be confirmed in their choices and do not want see that those choices may not be true ones. Human nature being what it is, we would rather tear down someone else out of jealousy rather than be inspired by them.

5. “World health statistics show that we are not getting healthier and we have epidemics in obesity, cancer, diabetes, heart disease, mental illness and many other chronic diseases.” And five years on the statistics are even worse. There is more information in the news and on social media about different diets – and lots of debate and confusion too. Yet even now it is common for people to try to persuade me away from my healthier food choices.

6. It’s quite staggering how much we cave in to the pressure of society and go against what we innately feel. Imagine, if everyone trusted what they felt, made choices that truly supported themselves and didn’t second guess or go into doubt how our relations on an intimate and wider scale would pan out?

   1. Indeed. I had an Italian friend once who was allergic to gluten and dairy but felt he couldn’t give these up as the pressure of not just his nearest and dearest, but the whole Italian culture, he felt was against him. Rather than swim against the tide he preferred to make himself sick. But this is what so many of us do.

      1. I have come across a family that when their son became 18, as part of his birthday celebration, they took him to the pub so they could have his first “legal” alcoholic drink together. As the mother was explaining this, you can tell she was proud of her actions, whilst I pondered on the spiralling effects of this later in his life. I feel this whole perception of ‘legal’ needs redefining.

      2. Without discernment we can get comfortable with ‘legal” as it can negate a responsibility we have to feel beyond the law and assess its truth and validity.

   2. Now that would be a world indeed – where everyone trusted what they felt – and made choices for themselves as a result – regardless of others’ choices…..

7. I felt the pressure to drink as a teenager and young adult to fit in and be the same as everyone else was strong, but when I felt it wasn’t for me, the pressure doubled as people made judgements as I was going against the grain.

8. Saying ‘YES’ to feeling well and full of vitality may inspire others to reflect on their choices rather than listen to pressure from others.

9. I really appreciate now that I can say no and not feel weird or guilty for saying no. Even if it really ruffles another’s feathers my choices don’t need to make them comfortable with a choice that harms the body, be it mine or theirs.

   1. I agree Leigh, I used to say ‘no’ in a semi apologetic way but now when I say ‘no’ it is a fully claimed way, claimed on behalf of my beautiful body. There is an absoluteness to my ‘no’ and that absoluteness comes from my body because ultimately it is my body that I’m speaking on behalf of.

10. Understanding that when we make life about loving and honouring ourselves we automatically start to change our choices because we feel the impact our choices have on our body.

    1. Yes we don’t want to feel the impact or harm our choices are making, so we further numb ourselves to obliterate that unpleasant feeling with alcohol, drugs, junk food, sugar etc. .

11. It is totally absurd after all these evidence of certain substances being harmful to both a human body and society in general, we continue to endorse them as our normal. It makes no sense unless that concept comes from somewhere outside of us and we are already being intoxicated by that.

12. When we start to feel the pressure of life building up we have two choices – to stay with ourselves and return back to feeling the body making choices that support us, or to choose to ignore and bury those feelings by make choices that encourage us to check out and numb what we feel, the choice is always ours.

13. Wow, we all know that pressure from society is quite horrible, but my god i never considered the fact that it’s actually unhealthy? For of course it will be unhealthy if it’s asking us to abuse our bodies with alcohol, food, expectations of how to look, how to conduct ones self and everything else that is imposed…

14. You only need to look at the illness and disease rates to see that humanity are being made to see the consequences of choices made. We are being told it is time to wake up!

15. I read recently that there are more 18-24-year-olds choosing to be teetotal, the article didn’t say why but it’s a step in the right direction.

16. What does it cost to disregard our self and our body? There is a cost for the things we put in our bodies that have no beneficial properties! The fact is, many things like alcohol, drugs and smoking are costly. The use of these unhealthy items leads to medical problems that put burdens on the health services. How long can we as a human race continue with a ‘do as I say not as I do’ lifestyle? Change starts with the first step of saying No, to anything that doesn’t feel beneficial to our body.

    1. Is the benefit the dullness from feeling what others are choosing? so that you aren’t separate from another in such a way and join them in a collective dullness? I’ve found the less I join in with the unhealthy behaviors the greater the ability to connect on a deeper level to others.

    2. Yes, health services suffer the consequences of our ill choices, and society pays. I recall being on a male surgery ward where (mostly) men and usually smokers, had parts of their lungs removed due to cancer. Even back then, in the early 70s I was shocked that smoking was allowed on the ward and even more shocked that these people were not told to quit, but were wheeled into the dayroom to have a cigarette!

17. What I find interesting is that the unhealthy pressure can come from those who are closest to us and meant to care for our well-being. No one questions it when you are drinking or eating macdonald’s, but actually make an amazing choice and then everyone has something to say. I like the saying – be the change you want to see in the world – then let everyone else make their choice from there.

18. Learning to say NO is one of the most powerful things that we can do and is therefore great medicine for us.

19. When I read this article, I want to ask why? Why does the media promote unhealthy lifestyle choices? Choices that can be very difficult to overcome once they have been integrated in to ones life, even though once they are gone a person can feel so much better. Is the need for profit really so important that we can openly accept such things?

20. We all know that certain life style choices are unhealthy and yet the majority not only choose that way but champion it. That is their right, but to abuse people for making healthy choices is a step too far.

    1. Odd isn’t it how we champion our ability to abuse our bodies. We cheer people who are able to drink massive amounts of alcohol and laugh when they get so drunk that they either vomit or lose control of their bowels! We glorify an athletes ability to keep playing with broken bones and clap them off when they finally limp or get stretchered off the pitch. There are so many examples of how we, as a society applaud self-abuse, it’s no wonder we’re all in such a mess. And the only way out of the mess is to start to put the body first, there’s actually no other way out, it’s our bodies that will lead the way.

21. The day that I gave up drinking alcohol was the day I began to clearly see the societal pressure that had me previously saying yes to a drink when my body was saying no. The fact that I no longer drank rocked a few people around me so much so that they would endeavour to get me to have ‘just one’, as obviously me not drinking was stirring something up for them. But I didn’t waver in the least which I think bothered them even more, but it still wasn’t enough for me to say yes, as at that stage my body and I were in full and harmonious agreement; alcohol no longer had a place in my life.

22. My feeling is people don’t like being exposed for the various unsupportive reasons they make their choices with by someone who is able to choose lovingly for themselves. This for me shows we understand how powerful people around us are as reflections and role models. For example someone who is self loving with their diet doesn’t just reflect the benefits of a healthy diet, but that those who aren’t eating well can be in disregard of themselves, may have low self worth, may have caved into peer pressure to not eat well exposing the foundations of their relationships, or that they are avoiding responsibility for themselves. There is a lot that can come up for people but there is also a dishonesty that is behind trying to convert or pressure someone in healthy choices back to unhealthy ones. This is because we try to extinguish the reflection the person offers and the evolution and growth it offers, rather than being honest about what is there for us to work with.

23. It is absurd that in many social climates making choices that will have a positive impact on our wellbeing, such as drinking alcohol in moderation or not at all, is judged and criticised. We do absolutely need a culture change where people feel able to support themselves and others.

24. I can so clearly remember when I stopped making love-less choices as to what I was feeding my body and began to finally respect it for the wonderful and very patient vehicle that it had always been, that the spotlight was turned right on to me by friends and family, and then the pressure to stay the way I always had been began. I can also remember feeling extremely hurt by the obvious lack of support, as they all knew how un-well I had been. I naturally presume that to see me return to good health would have been worth celebrating. That really puzzled me. Thank goodness my commitment to my well-being was so strong as I never wavered from what I finally knew was the true way to care for my body.

25. I keep coming back to this blog to see how the truth can so easily be presented as odd and the normality that is so damaging to ourselves and society presented as the way. We’ve got so much back to front in society, so why do we want to keep it this way?

26. I’ve certainly said yes under pressure in the past – convincing myself it is my choice – when in fact I am just saying no to love and a foundation I have built. Reading this blog reminds me of how powerful it is to honour how we feel and to respond to that rather than to what other people want us to choose

27. I used to believe that this outer pressure was bigger than myself, until I started listening to my body and living by how I felt from within to feel. That pressure to live a certain way is only powerful when I give it the power over me. Listening to my body makes the outer much more reduced in it’s ability to sway me.

    1. Saying no to something is difficult when the power of our life is in the outside. The more we know and honour the power we have within, the more easy it is to say no to what don’t support us. Love is the basis of it.

       1. Huge lightbulb moment here Amparo, thank you. If ever one needed the answer to addictions or repeated ill behaviours you’ve just nailed it.

       2. Yes indeed it is all very simple when we listen to our innate wisdom.

28. We love to use the excuse that everyone does it so it makes it normal. However we are already looking for any excuse to avoid the responsibility of living who we truly are.

29. I have to be fully committed to say no to my own unloving choices first, otherwise when I say no to tempting offers from outside I can weaken, then of course they will continue to suggest I join in with unloving choices, as I have had no consistency with my own self loving choices.

30. This exposes just how much we crave to be loved, to feel a sense of belonging. Yet as we have already separated from the love we already are, that which inescapably resides within, we have instead fallen under the illusion championed by our minds, that the love we desperately seek is outside of us, as such at any cost we to try to fit in through lifestyle choices set by society standards as ‘normal’. All this trying to fit in is at the expense of honouring and cherishing our body, our truest guide to returning to living in connection to the all that we deeply crave and seek; our love within.

    1. We have to really question relationships that are based on conditions, that we are accepted if we enjoin in certain behaviours or not accepted if we don’t.

31. I remember being caught up in wanting to be part of the crowd, which meant drinking and having fun, yet once I stopped drinking it didn’t take me long to work out how empty many of my relationships were because once you take the alcohol out of the equation we did not have much in common, there is no foundation to fall back on and for me it made it easier to develop new relationships that didn’t revolve around alcohol.

32. Great question, who or what do you say yes to: your body and what supports it or people around you that have their own ideas and investments? We can’t blame the supermarket for supplying us with all the ‘goodies’ when we are the ones that ask for it. But we can change things by asking for food that support our bodies and live and move in a way that truly adds to our well-being.

33. This reminds me of a dilemma I used to have whenever I went away from work for a while and I wanted to bring back something for my colleague. Not that there was pressure from them, but I was aware that they hardly ever take days off longer than a day or two in one go (this is Japan after all), and me being away had added workload to them and they graciously undertook it while I was away and I wanted to be able to say thank you.

    Then there was always this question of what to bring back. They love cookies and chocolate and in fact we would get all kinds of sweets from visitors that I personally wouldn’t choose to eat. Should I bring back something I know they like even though I would not choose it for myself? Or should I bring back something I know they would not choose for themselves but I think would be a better (or less harmful) choice? Or should I just not bother? I eventually found some beautiful herbal tea everybody enjoyed, but it was a process of feeling through and discarding my seeking of belonging.

    1. Oh, I know that dilemma. Also what to do with a bottle of wine you got from a very grateful client? Say no thank you, pour it down the sink or give it to someone else, who really likes it. I found I can’t give presents to people that I think and have experienced are poison, like alcohol. I also search for something that both or everyone of us enjoys.

       1. I am going to a 50 year (!!) reunion tomorrow and I shall make some gluten and dairy free nut balls and make up some small bottles of essential oils for my old flatmates.

    2. Often we don’t have to think about these situations as our relationships with others already gives the reflection of how we live and the quality of presence we will offer another.

34. Under the pressure of society that encourages an unhealthy lifestyle, many accept this as a normal way of living without actually stopping and truly feeling if this suits them, if this is good for them and if this actually represents what they truly want to live.” So true Steffen. What we consider ‘normal’ is anything but – yet when we make healthy choices people often encourage us to revert back to keeping them company in their own unhealthy choices, rather than be inspired by a different way of living, thus condoning and making ‘acceptable’ their own unhealthy living way.

35. Making choices to self-care and look at our food choices can really shake things up and not just in our own lives, ripples of these changes can be felt by those around us also and reactions can come up, for example if you stop having the champagne or cake to celebrate an occasion this can often bring straight up disbelief and in some cases outrage, I have experienced both. I have felt pressure to conform by others that are uncomfortable with my changing ways of eating and living..and actually giving up alcohol was the easy part, personally the tricky bit came after when people wanted me to have a drink with them, got angry because I would not and basically attempted to bully me into joining, either emotionally getting sad, moody or being furious with me for breaking our previous way of interacting with each other.

    For me this clearly illustrates that food and drink are not just simple products we consume, they have emotional ties and personal needs connected with them, they come loaded and we need to be aware of it. The reactions encounter do not really make sense, most of us would want to see our friends and family well and healthy, so rationally we think it should be meet with enthusiasm and support, but if we have this expectation then we can be hurt and shocked. In a sense it is not personal, but the choice to self-care in a way that brings real change can be confronting and it can not be underestimated, it absolutely changes lives and this will inevitably change our relationships.

36. It takes great dedication to one’s health to be able to hold steady in one’s choices as all around us want to not see the true benefits that are evident when one makes such a choice to care deeply for self. As it shows that they too can choose the same, but the choice means that responsibility needs to be taken for where each person finds them self in life. No longer can one blame another.

    1. Yes, taking responsibility is key. Much easier to blame another for ones unhealthy choices – currently being the high sugar content in food and drinks – yet no-one is forced to buy these items, let alone consume them.

37. “Because of all this pressure we would rather suffer than dare to say ‘No’ to something we know does not feel right for us and is actually damaging our health, as in the end the body has to bear the consequences. How crazy is that?” And it seems to have got worse since you wrote your article Steffen. We just don’t seem to want to take responsibility for our own health, but prefer a quick fix from the outside, which often just masks symptoms anyway.

38. When we do the sums it is clear 1 and 1 do not add up. The missing part of the life equation is our awareness of energy which we don’t want to feel. Because of the unseen forces we ignore, we make choices that as you say Steffen, don’t make sense, except they work supremely well to block life out. We have to want to start to know the truth, then we can return to health.

39. It’s crazy that society encourages us to be unhealthy and abuse our bodies, it literally makes no sense when we all know the health system is about to collapse through the fact we are not looking after ourselves and as a whole we are getting sicker and sicker. It also doesn’t leave people free to make their own choices, whether the pressure is to be healthy or unhealthy.

40. For me when I am being truly self-loving it is easy to only eat nourishing foods and saying no is not an issue, however, recently I’ve been drawn back to eating foods I haven’t eaten in a long time. It’s Easter Sunday today and in a place where I’ve been volunteering they have served up hot cross buns. I’ve been eating gluten free for years so what was it about these fully glutenised rolls that drew my attention? That or moist sugar-laden gluten free bread. There’s something about the texture of cake that pulls me in and I’m not sure what it is but instead of beating myself up for being a bad girl I am trying to read the underlying cause, i.e. what am I trying to avoid feeling?

41. I find it interesting that people assume that you have allergies or have had to stop eating and drinking certain substances because the doctor said so rather than it being a personal choice to live more healthily.

    1. It’s true, its hard for most people to accept that not eating certain foods is a choice, and for them it does not make sense, but I know for me listening to my body and being able to feel which foods work for me and which don’t, does make sense. To feel so much more alive and full of energy is far more enriching than the few moments of pleasure that is offered from foods that really don’t work in the body.

    2. As personal choice is an open offering to everyone. Showing clearly the benifits to health and wellbeing that can be obtained when health becomes about self care and attention to our particular body’s requirements. Rather than resenting having to do something because the doctor said so. This shows me that personal empowerment is avoided and in preference the choice to remain in the throes of blame and resentment is by far the choice made by the masses. Why?

42. it is almost like there is this rule that is unspoken and we all adhere to and when someone doesn’t play to the rule that everybody feels disturbed too and start to make comments. Yet what I find fascinating is that we often never consciously choose to live by the rule grow into it and then defend it with all our might.

43. Who benefits from all the advertising of unhealthy food? It is certainly not the public or the hard pressed medical professions but it would be good to investigate how much influence they have on governments so that healthy initiatives so often fail or do not continue for one reason or another.

44. It is often only when we start to take loving care of ourselves and feel the benefits of making healthy choices that we become strong enough to withstand the pressures not to conform to the current unhealthy norm in our society which says more about how our society operates and how these pressures are accepted as the ‘way things are’ rather than people questioning the craziness of the collective choice to self-harm with non-prescription medication i.e. not just alcohol etc but also a dizzying array of unhealthy foods.

45. There is pressure to eat and drink what is not good for you and there are many groups where people boast about how exhausted they are from the large amount of work or business travelling they do. That does not seem very sensible or productive.

46. It is an interesting question to ask: is this the way that you truly want to live. Personally, this stops me in my tracks and makes me re-assess everything.

47. What if we started a healthy pressure on society? One where we are looking at how well we eat, how well we take care of ourselves instead of the one to check out, numb out and party.

48. Yes it’s odd when you consider it, we’re asked to fit in at the expense of our bodies and yet we’re then asked to take care of ourselves, but not just yet. How can we be there with another if we’re not taking care of ourselves?

49. It is time as a society we wake up and realise the way many are living is impacting on their health and well-being, one only has to look at the current statistics on obesity, diabetes, cancer etc to see it is clear something needs to shift before things get worse.

    1. Yes, that understanding of choices and consequences does not seem to be shared by everybody, despite the obviousness of the concept.

50. “Overall our bodies show lots of signs that the way we are living is not going well” and the more and more we listen to our bodies, the more and more we can tune into these signs.

51. There is a huge ignorance in thinking that we can not make a healthy choice for one moment and because no one knows we will get away with it. Our body records everything and ‘off’ moments it does not see through the fingers so to speak. Not in a punishing way but just in an honest way of that is the consequence of that choice. That is on a microscopic level what also happens with all our choices on macroscopic level in all parts of our life as every choice has and outcome and effect.

52. It’s not only poor choices, but this ‘unhealthy pressure’ you mention Steffen that we contribute to. It doesn’t appear out of nowhere but is a consciousness we promote via the way that we live. They say turkeys wouldn’t vote for Christmas but we do and much to our own detriment.

53. Whilst the fact that this plays out in society is most illogical and very unfortunate it proves that there is more going on behind the scenes of what we see so to speak. There is no way when someone is living from their essense that such a response to anothers embrace of their own love would happen. In fact it would be confirmed and appreciated. So does this not indicate that there are more forces playing out in our realm than we care to realise or give credit to?

54. People often can’t cope when we say no to something they are saying yes too, because it makes them uncomfortable and feel how their own choices are unloving. It used to bother me that I stood out as different or odd, when I said no, but I love what you write here that we are actually saying yes to ourselves and our loving choices for our bodies.

55. It feels like the tipping point will happen at one point as more and more people choose to make more loving choices and this will gather momentum to tip over into more larger scale humanity where more and more people will do so as well.

56. It does seem bizarre that making healthy choices gets ridiculed, snubbed or even attacked. But at the end of the day, it’s a choice to want to fit in or stay true to what feels right for you… regardless of the pressure or negative comment.

    1. Beautifully said, it is a choice and one we constantly need to make – to compromise and reduce ourselves or to remain true to what feels right and lead the way forwards.

57. The worst pressure in this world is the one we subscribe to and apply to ourselves. We think that as others do things we have no choice but that is simply not right. We always have the possibility to see the truth and stay strong in that. All we need for this, is to love and back ourselves regardless. As so many of us don’t do this though it can easily seem like there’s no other way. Thank God for those like you Steffen who show there’s another option.

58. Saying no to what I know is not right for me is saying a big yes to me.

59. Waywardness is a conspiracy we are all in on until such a time that we lift our head above the cloud we collectively live under and begin to make choices that are true for our body and being.

60. Society is definitely set up to make us unhealthy in many ways, it only takes a few people to start saying no to alcohol, drugs, sugar etc, and others start to question their own choices, at the end of the day by taking responsibility for ourselves, we offer society a different choice.

61. The key is to know what our true choices are and then it is easier to make them. We don’t need to be perfect – it gets easier over time, though.

62. Saying No to abusing our body and taking responsibility for our own health is an absolute yes to listening to our body and the wisdom it communicates constantly.

63. It is amazing – despite all the signs our bodies and the statistics are showing, we keep justifying the abuse we inflict on ourselves and each other and accept as normal. Saying ‘no’ to the normal can seem confronting at times, but it is an amazing offering to everyone around us to start considering a new (not so new actually) and more loving normal.

    1. Yes, that is because we are prepared to pay the price (feeling lethargic, aggressive, affected, chronic lifestyle diseases etc) in return for the momentary relief.

64. I have noticed that people who drink alcohol, smoke, eat unhealthy food etc often feel very uncomfortable in the presence of those who are making more loving choices. Does this not tell us that we all know what is true for our body but don’t always want to make that choice to be responsible for ourselves?

65. You spell it out really clearly here Steffen, we live in a society that is unhealthy and not only that it promotes ill health. We learn many subjects as we grow up yet the biggest one – self responsibility – is never taught.

    1. A class on self-responsibility in our education system would be amazing. I know this concept wasn’t introduced to me until I was in my 20s, and I feel like as kids we innately know self-responsibility and what it means to look after ourselves and our health and well-being but it’s almost taught out of us. It would be brilliant if it was nurtured early on.

66. You would think that as a society we would want to help ensure the health of our community, its amazing to consider how the opposite is actually the true.

67. There will always be pressure from others if our diets are different to the norm. People suppose that we are missing out, when in fact we are actually protecting ourselves from disease and opening ourselves up to Love instead. I do still get caught out but my own fault rather than someone else.

68. Sometimes I find it hard to say no, I am finding it easier to say yes than no. For example, if I want to eat something that is not good for me, if I try using will power and say NO, it often does not work. But if I say yes to making more loving choices, and yes to wanting to care (even if in that moment I don’t really care), then I can find that works easier for me. And I am finding out more and more that it is the way that I move, that supports me to make more loving choices or not. If I move throughout the day in a way that is more connected and present with me, and gentle and loving, I find it easier to say YES to loving choices. If I move harshly, and disconnected, it is easier to say YES to the not so loving choices.

69. What if the world was different? What if the pressure from society was to be healthy, to take care of ourselves and each other, to eat what supports the body, to express in a way that is loving. What if this was the reality? From the outside that seems far fetched yet what I’ve come to appreciate with what Serge has presented is that this is something that we can choose for ourselves and then that will ripple out. Why wait when we have the choice to change now?

70. Saying no to self destructive things is indeed a great way of saying yes to ourselves and building self worth.

71. A pressure from others to be unhealthy – how crazy is that, it makes no sense – surely you’d think we’d be encouraging each other to be as healthy and vital as we can? Saying no to this and forging our own path forward is definitely the way to go.

72. I remember as a teenager there was a lot of talk about peer pressure. It’s something we face a lot of at teenage years and we have support to deal with it. But peer pressure is alive and well as an adult, only we don’t acknowledge it for what it is.

    1. Very true, peer pressure (or beer pressure!) doesn’t end once we complete our teenage years, it’s there in all its ferocity all through our adult years too. Perhaps we become less aware of it because it becomes more normal to be influenced constantly in your choices, and when we begin our teenage years is a fresh world of making new choices for ourselves rather than by our parents.

       1. I find it interesting that we let ourselves be blind to peer pressure as adults or accept it, but in teenagers we know what they are up against and offer support.

73. It is mind boggling that we condemn one for making healthy choices. Could it be that we would rather people stay at our level of disregard to not expose our choices?

    1. Comfort’s the name of the game and there’s something very uncomfortable about how we feel when a person who is making self loving choices reflects our unloving choices back to us, therefore we’ll try and bring them down to our level just so that we stay in self imposed comfort for a little while longer. Sad but true of pretty much all of us.

74. We can all too easily compromise our own health and wellbeing big time when we try and conform and fit into behaviours that are unloving but considered ‘normal’ by today’s standards.

75. When we say no to alcohol it can actually be a really big deal for some people, and they have at times acted bent out of shape and offended, and yet when offered a cigarette and we say ‘no thanks, I don’t smoke’ it’s accepted. So what is it about alcohol, and why do we not get the same response as with cigarettes.

76. I was known for being a party girl back in the day, people will often say things to me like….”I wish I had of known you in your hey day” or “Do you ever miss all the things you have quit?”
    The way I answer these style of questions is that I did not quit anything, I gained everything. I gained love in my life, a husband that adores me, a family that I am actually able to enjoy, businesses I cherish and above all else, a knowing that everything I choose and do has a massive impact, that I am important and the way I move through this world has the ability to harm or heal.

    1. That’s a great point Sarah, people often feel there is a loss involved but instead as you say you have gained and enriched your life immensely since saying ‘yes’ to love.

77. In the five years since this was posted the world as a whole has slipped further into darkness. What is now seen as normal life today could have been considered extreme five years ago. There is now more love on the earth than ever before, and the majority of us are running as fast as we can away. This new life style leaves us all with the choice to make, stand in our light or recede into the darkness.

78. It’s funny really when you consider it, we feel we must put up with the expectations of society at the expense of our own bodies – but maybe the wider question is why we as a humanity have set up a society which actively encourages practices which harms our own bodies? And how we all collude in this to greater or lesser degrees. Why not honour what is true for our bodies?

79. It is ridiculous that self harming choices are so normalized in society that to go against the grain and say no to something that is detrimental to our health or well being could be questioned or result in uncomfortableness from the reactions of others. Thank goodness that true health is not about another but about our own choice to be self loving and nourish ourselves regardless of the opposition faced and therefore benefit deeply from us honouring what is true for us.

80. We do encounter an enormous pressure from society to eat and drink to conform with those around us there is no question. An even more interesting enquiry is to ask why this might be the case. Understanding that what we end up with, is what we are collectively demanding be provided, gives a slightly different spin on this and brings the responsibility back to each of us to see how we contribute to this demand for food, drink and other unhealthy habits by not addressing the underlying need for them.

81. The pressure from society is immense, I remember when I chose to not drink again – it was in my first month at uni and the pressure was huge, when I decided that I would start going to bed early that pressure quadrupled. Surely we should allow people to be free to make their own choices of how they want to live their lives, especially if those choices are beneficial to their health and well-being.

82. Saying no to unhealthy behaviours is a great step but I feel a lot of this can come from control, like it is hard and I have to be disciplined in saying no. Whereas when my focus is on saying yes to how I feel by not engaging in the behaviour rather than focusing on the behaviour I am trying to avoid/abstain from. The focus is less harsh, less driven and more appreciative of my loving choices. And rather than judging myself for going into the behaviours I know are unsupportive I find it much more loving to feel the choice, and feel what came before wanting to go there in the first place (recently it’s been in wanting to eat lots of bacon). Beating myself up for wanting the bacon doesn’t work, but stopping to feel the fact that I get stressed THEN want bacon is far more supportive. So my focus becomes on exploring why I feel stressed rather then saying no to bacon.

83. It seems crazy that we are all in league with each other to make unhealthy choices that are accepted and promoted, yet so much harm is being caused to ‘the bodies’ who consume the junk food, alcohol and nicotine. Yet, when someone is prepared to make healthy choices they are given a hard time and pressure is put on them to return to more disregarding ways.

84. There is a seeming fear in those that drink that if they go out with someone who doesn’t drink it will take away what the alcohol provides, that is the relief of not feeling what they really feel in themselves. A drinker can argue for days why its okay to drink, its fun, it loosens you up, its good for you etc etc. Yet we all know the impacts of alcohol, we all know about the links to domestic violence, the deaths on roads, the harm to the body. So something bigger is going on and it is that alcohol seems to provide an escape, and that even though a glass or two might to some people seem no big deal, it clearly is a big deal otherwise they would not defend it so strongly. I say far better to deal with reality than attempt to escape. I say attempt because there actually is no escape.

85. I always used to get caught up by not wanting to offend anyone, and would have the piece of cake, or eat what someone cooked for me, even when I really didn’t want to eat it, I would somehow force it down me. Now I have far more respect for myself and my body, and I’ve found just being honest and saying no thanks, without any waver in my voice, totally claimed is enough for it to be accepted without it becoming a battle of wills.

86. Saying ‘no’ to something that feels untrue in our bodies is a greatly loving act, one that as you say is saying ‘yes’ to you, to truth. We learn from a very young age how to override our truth, and that following the currently normalised culture is how we fit into and be a part of society, regardless of the truth we innately sense. Yet living a lie is not faring well with us as human beings, as we are witnessing our health and well-being, for starters, is suffering greatly. Through our willingness to be honest with ourselves and how we are truly feeling in our bodies, great change is not only possible but can be consistently lived with a vitality and well-being that is our natural and true way of being.

87. I know many people do feel that pressure but I personally have never felt it. If someone wants me to harm or poison me then they are not acting in my interest and are not behaving as a true friend. They are free to harm themselves if that is their choice but why would I feel any pressure to do likewise? I am very clear about this in certain things such as food and alcohol but as I write this I am aware that there are other behavioural areas where it can still get me!

88. Reading your words today Steffen, I am reminded that what you say applies not only to food and drink but also our behaviours and ways of being. There is a strong tendency ‘out there’ for people to be stressed, rude, angry, overwhelmed, tired and distracted. When we live and claim our vitality, our Love, our divinity, then we are bound to stand out. And so we should – and then get used to it.

89. Yeah it’s crazy how presistent people are for you to enjoin them in what they are feeling guilty about participating in. And it’s under the guise of them wanting to share time with you. What a corrupt illusion we buy into. They mean no intentional harm, but it’s basically emotional blackmail, that we often give in to because we don’t want to feel or accept that we’re agreeing to be manipulated.

90. It is very true, we can get attacked for speaking up against that which is regarded as normal. Recently I became aware of how we can get pressured into giving money to charity. I expressed how I felt but it wasn’t welcomed saying what they were doing was an achievement, even accusing me of being jealous! But how can I support another whose body is being neglected, rejected and abused? It doesn’t make sense.

91. Every time we choose to say ‘Yes’ to taking greater care of ourselves we are offering others the choice to join us so that gradually the tide will turn and ‘fitting in’ and the ‘norm’ will become to take care of how we treat ourselves and everyone else.

92. I would say one of the most self-loving things to learn how to do is to say ‘no’ and stand by how you feel.

93. Exactly Steffen, it is my experience too that when I was far less healthy, eating and doing all sorts of things that did not support my health or wellbeing in any way, my family and friends left me alone, never questioning anything. Since changing my diet and my choices of lifestyle in ways that support me to be super healthy, vital and very joyful in life, I cop far more flak from family members, often in the form of a little comment here or there, a roll of the eyes or a statement of exasperation at ‘not being able to keep up with’ what I do or don’t eat… very interesting huh! Over time they have accepted more, particularly as other family members have needed to make more significant adjustments themselves… and felt the enormous benefits too.

94. I know that when I truly appreciate or recognise the value in a choice that I’ve made, e.g to not drink alcohol, because I know from my body that it doesn’t feel true for me then there is no persuasion from another that can override this.

95. Every day I can feel that there is a type of tension or pressure to choose a certain thing, to walk a certain way, to fit it. This tension is always there asking us to give in. Perhaps this explains why we find cravings and addictions to do with food (and more) so hard to ‘kick’, because to do so, we have to walk the other way, not just against the addiction itself but the past momentums we have built in choosing to say yes, on so many days. Your words here Steffen, help me bring much understanding to others and myself when it comes to shifting these energetic configurations in ourselves.

96. Before you give up the smoking or alcohol, you need to have something to fill its place, so their absence won’t even be missed. That something sounds very simple but as the blog describes, being self-caring and loving by getting to bed when you start to get tired, dressing warmly, taking a daily walk or just drinking enough water can all make a profound difference to how you feel. This is not just physically, as doing things just for you builds that feeling of love and care towards yourself. With this fullness there is no longer a need or desire to seek things that only harm you.

97. We still have the concept that we can have more fun when we drink and life is more boring if you don’t but I know for myself that life is a million times more enjoyable knowing that I don’t need to drink to enjoy life. Once we can really feel the harm that alcohol, drugs and over eating do to our bodies then it becomes much easier to say no to these things even when society puts the pressure on.

98. The fact that we find it difficult to say ‘no’ to loveless behaviour because of the pressure from outside, makes me consider more deeply the actual truth of my relationships. How open and transparent am I willing to be and how much do I let people know the true me, or am I much more interested in a veneer of being nice to one another and having a comfortable pretending game?

99. It is so beautifully refreshing to simply make a choice to not partake in anything that we know will make us feel dull, bloated, hungover or ill. When we make this decision for ourselves the choice is simple. If it is offered we simply say no. Let others deal with their reactions because I feel absolutely great!

100. By far the most tricky thing I faced when I stopped drinking alcohol about 10 years ago was the pressure from family and friends to have a drink. This was way more difficult then my actual craving for alcohol which did take me by surprise. It is such a socially acceptable thing to do that people seem to get very twitchy when you stop doing it. It is like some kind of unwritten law that we are expected to collude in. My take on this is that we all do know it is not good for our health and so when someone makes a stand and does something about it, it exposes the choices of everyone else and they are confronted by this.

101. When I first gave up alcohol, a friend of mine who I had known for many years stopped speaking to me for two years even though she would walk past me every day, and then one day she apologised and was very honest and told me that it had brought issues up within her regarding her own choices, and she has now become teetotal herself.

102. I work in health promotion and what is quite apparent when it comes to health is that people hate being told what to do, there is always a rally against anything considered “nanny state”. So how do we change perceptions of health when the idea of getting healthy seems to be rebelled against. As this blog states I guess change comes when we accept that those who are making healthy choices should be supported for that. At present it is too normal to make lifestyle choices that are damaging our wellbeing, we definitely need to try a new normal that puts our bodies first.

103. It is a bit of a minefield when one decides to stop drinking alcohol or not eat gluten or dairy products, but well worth being firm in the decision that we have made. There will always be someone who will question “why” and that is OK.

104. I remember talking to a head teacher once who said it was the job of parents to be the steady ones that say ‘no’. This has supported me as I have navigated parenting and even more so as I realise that it is my responsibility to apply the same attention, love and rigour in my ‘parenting’ of myself.

105. If people need others to do what they are doing then they can’t be too confident with their choice.

     1. We’re all desperate not to get exposed for playing the global game of gross reductionism that we’re all playing and so we hack at the legs of those who are stepping up energetically in a desperate attempt to bring them down and this is the game (if you can call it that) that has been going on since the beginning of time.

106. When we say ‘no’ to a loveless pattern or behaviour, we are not just saying no for ourselves, our little drop in the ocean is felt by the whole tide and makes it that much easier for the next person to make a stand for themselves.

107. Absolutely Steffen, people feel so much pressure – a lot of which comes from and is perpetuated by the media, to continue to engage in unhealthy and loveless choices; marketing products, food and drinks exactly aimed at tapping into people’s need to dull and numb out the other pressures and pain they feel in life. We are constantly bombarded, at our own demand I might add, which is a huge pressure in so many ways and from all directions, to not know or be the fullness of love we are.

108. Accepting the responsibility of saying No to what is not loving for me or my body has transformed my health and well being but it feels crazy that this is necessary because of the unhealthy pressures that are so prevalent in society. For me the steadier I am in the way I live the less pressure I feel when articulating my choice to e.g. not drink alcohol.

109. The no’s and yes’s of life, which is which though? We think by saying these two words out loud or making a decision with these words used in it, that that means we either have something or we don’t, but which is which? I mean I can see at times when I truly say no that it is also yes and it doesn’t mean I go without but I actually get more, confused? We only perceive on one level what is no and what is yes because when the veil is lifted we see that the two can be intertwined and on one level we say yes which on another is no. In other words don’t ‘shoot the messenger’ and have more of a look at why people are saying no and yes and what are they actually doing to themselves. If the person that is saying no is actually more vibrant, engaging and caring then possibly consider through the no they have said yes to something; and if the person that is saying yes is actually not doing that well, then keep looking at why. The awareness of what we are seeing at any moment supports it to come clearer. There is more to yes and no than just a nod or a shake of the head.

110. Learning to say no has been very beneficial for my health and a start to truly claim my way of living, to not put others first and to follow my feelings and speak my truth. I say yes to my body and the love that lives within.

111. It’s interesting how we can get caught up into doing things to please others, rather than doing things that are true for us and more loving for us. I know I use to get caught up so much, sometimes I still do, but lesser and lesser as I have began to honour more of my truth.

112. I have found that the more confidently, matter-of-factly and naturally that I say ‘no’ to something offered to me that I feel is unhealthy for me then it is far more likely to be accepted without reaction or comment. To be able to do that I need to have truly embodied that understanding rather than having it just coming from knowledge.

113. Beautifully expressed Steffen. Your first statement is really eye-opening. The things we would rather do to ourselves so we are ‘accepted’ by our peers, even though we would rather not. What pressure is this that makes us go against our innate sense of what is truly good for us? Being accepted by others is surely a poor substitute for being loved or in fact loving ourselves. In my experience, whilst the acceptance of others is preferable to feeling rejected, it is never better than the reality of a loving relationship with ourselves and in fact could never come near the true sense of wellbeing and fulfilment it brings. As many a wise teacher has shared with humanity self-love is an essential first step to a life of love.

114. I recently worked at a company for two and a half years and every time there was a celebration, be it a birthday, promotion or a leaving party, alcohol and cake was offered and every time I would say ‘No thank you I don’t drink’ or something along those lines and I would be met with people feeling sorry for me, as though I was unlucky because I could not partake. Was it because they were refusing to listen or maybe this was because food and alcohol are so ingrained in our way of living that you would have to be ill or intolerant in order to say no.

     1. There are so many self-harming behaviours that are considered as necessary or a pleasure, consuming food and drink not suitable for our body is a great example, and cutting them out is seen as some form of depriving. The time will come for each person when this will change, because the reflections from life and from our own body will be louder than the self-perpetuating thoughts and beliefs in our head.

115. We as a society have a pretty poor track record of looking after ourselves and each other. This is how we have come to fashion an ill way of living as ‘normal’ when in-truth to live in disregard to the human form we are in is in no way normal, although very common. Now that this status quo is in place, it becomes very difficult to choose otherwise because such a choice rocks the comfortable boat that everyone else is in, albeit ignoring the fact they are cast adrift in it. If we truly want to bring about change in the world and begin to address and then correct the loveless momentum we have incarcerated ourselves in for so long, then we need to say ‘no’ to the lovelessness that got us into the mess in the first place. A simple ‘no’ to what is not love is a simple ‘yes’ to what is.

     1. The difference between what is statistically normal and what is innately and naturally normal is vast and beautifully defined here.

        1. Yes and the statistical norm is often the ‘go to’ range of health and vitality which is far from what we are seeing in our current rates of escalating illness and disease.

116. When I first stop drinking alcohol, a friend verbally attacked me for giving it up! I realised that the way I had actually expressed this, had been a little timid and it opened up the opportunity for my friend to go into reaction in that moment. Although I felt rather wobbly from this, the opportunity was there to learn from it. From then on I chose to change the quality of expression and deliver the truth clearly from my body without any fuss or emotion – ‘No thank you, I don’t drink’ and no-one has ever made a murmur about it since.

     1. I love this example Stephanie Thank you. Although it does not guarantee that there will not be any reaction or pressure from people, I too have noticed that the way I express has a huge impact. If my expression contains doubt of myself or judgment of others it tends to be a recipe for a ferocious attack, yet when I am steady, loving and also accepting of others the whole interaction tends to be more open and honouring all round.

     2. I love this story and it is very similar to mine. When I was first giving up alcohol, it all felt a bit new and there was a doubt of, ‘Can I really go against what everyone else is doing’? While these cracks in my resolve were there, I would be asked if I would like a drink and some people would try to persuade me. This has never happened since it just became the way I live. There are no issues and no questions asked.

117. Saying no to the unnecessary pressures brought on by society is our first step to true health.

     1. For me the first step to true health was starting to make choices based on the true wellbeing of my body, once this was underway then saying no to the unnecessary pressures brought on by society became easy.

118. Going up against the norm can be challenging. 10 years on from having made the choice to eliminate alcohol and unsupportive foods from my life I still get pressured to ‘join in’. Why? The people who do this are simply feeling the choices I’ve made versus they ones they haven’t, and are seeking to justify them – if only to themselves – by pressuring me join their particular party. It’s a form of seeking endorsement and justification.

119. From very young there’s a feeling that saying yes to events, food and circumstance is equivalent to saying yes to life. You are said and seen to be an open minded, free and well grounded human being. Yet as you powerfully ask Steffen, what if what we currently call life is not the reality we think it is? What if when we say yes to ‘how it is’ we agree and are complicit in abuse? My experience tallies with what you say, that it’s vital we say no to thoughts, beliefs and habits that are to our body like poison. This is what uncovers the truth of life.

120. It’s a sad reflection of where we are at, if when we say ‘no’ to alcohol our friends and colleagues try to turn it into a ‘yes’, is it in order that we confirm their choices as being right in some way, and when we stay firm with our ‘no’ they have to feel the choices that they are making.

121. Great blog Steffen it is so true it is completely ridiculous. There is a saying if you don’t listen to your body you will be made to listen and this will be the case sooner or later for everyone. It will also be the case for the government when all the health systems go bankrupt as many already are. Meanwhile one wonders just how unwell people need to get before we start to listen.

122. I was one of those people that molded myself to all the ways I thought society wanted me to be, it was completely exhausting. What I find fascinating though is that so many of us do things that don’t feel true in our bodies or go against what we feel is loving yet we do. I did that at first with Drinking, then dark chocolate and so forth.

123. “Overall our bodies show lots of signs that the way we are living is not going well, but because of the pressure from all of the above we still give in and carry on with behaviours we know are unhealthy.” This is so true, it is very easy to give into pressure from families and friends. What was shared with me more recently in a session was, it is my responsibility to make the loving choices, be more committed to my health and with that the “No” becomes easier to say.

124. The phrase ‘Oh just one won’t hurt you’ is one my colleagues used whenever someone brought in chocolates – that was what helped me to give them up – I had just one then immediately craved another then another and that made me realise just how addictive chocolates are. I haven’t had one since. They see chocolates as a treat, but realistically, if chocolate is poison for dogs, how come it is ok for humans? Children are given sweets for good behaviour but as far as I can see, it’s the sugar that causes bad behaviour – our way of looking at these things is all twisted.

125. Saying “YES” to ourselves is the perfect reply to saying no to any behaviour that doesn’t support the body. Interestingly enough the body will thank us instantly.

126. There are so many things that we do that we know are not healthy, in many ways society does pour these onto us, they make the unhealthy normal and that pressure of what is all around is both contributes to us finding solace in something unhealthy and becomes our answer to it. A downward spiral that only stops when we start to take responsibility for ourselves and all others.

127. We cannot blame anyone or anything for our own choices. We can only make our own choices and understand why we make them, be gentle to ourselves and hold ourselves in the deepest love. Observe and continue this holding forever more and make our movements according to that.

128. The pressure we feel is a part of our group karma we all must feel and accept.

     1. Acceptance of our group karma but always being observant, aware and understanding to ourselves and others deepens what is love.

129. This pressure infiltrates many areas of our lives and constantly comes up at work lunches, parents afternoon teas, celebrations etc. This pressure to stop a movement away from what society dictates is an opportunity to check in with the choices we are making and what this tells us about how we are living.

130. And now how soon does pressure start within our schools systems… even to kindergarten which was once a time of play and lightness is now a preparation for the schools system evaluation programme

131. I agree – our choices influence our surroundings, either directly or by which surroundings and friends we choose. It is not enough to change our choices but we also need to take our environment into account, which sometimes can make things harder.

132. Pressure from your peers makes sense for them as it can be intimidating or confronting sitting next to a person who makes more loving choices, especially if they made the same choices as you beforehand. It is not comfortable seeing them being able to do something that is either hard or too hard for you.

133. This is very much the norm in society; to not want to have reflected a different way lest it make the majority feel super uncomfortable – by facing them with the quality of their own choices. Yet this is something we all need at some point if we are to take ourselves out of the continual cycle of exhaustion and illness – one that I know I used to experience time and time again before choosing to make those changes… “Under the pressure of society that encourages an unhealthy lifestyle, many accept this as a normal way of living without actually stopping and truly feeling if this suits them, if this is good for them and if this actually represents what they truly want to live.”

134. Until we have a solid feeling who we are, anything will have a greater chance of swaying us.

135. I absolutely agree Steffen, ‘Saying ‘No’ is definitely a more healthy choice than giving in to the pressure of peers to persist with an unhealthy lifestyle. Indeed, saying ‘No’ to unhealthy choices is saying ‘Yes’ to yourself, ‘Yes’ to lovingly looking after your health and your body.’

136. Yes Doug, when we weigh up the longer term benefits of health alone, the ‘cost’ of not fitting in so well with some people in life becomes far less significant. The flow on effect of that however is enormous as the way we feel, our vitality and vigour has such a bearing on every other aspect of life, changing the quality we do things in, of our relationships, our work-output and quality to mention a few. When put in perspective there is little to be truly gained by compromising ourselves for the sake of fitting in.

     1. Yes and I have found if you stay steady with them and allow their reaction, they often get over it and accept you for your choices. The key to this for me was in being able to stay open to them myself… quite challenging at times but definitely worth it.

137. Society’s pressure is significant I agree, Steffen, to go against the trend can be difficult at first. The benefit however is that you also end up going against society’s trend when it comes to illness and disease… and that pays off hugely. When I look around at people my own age I am constantly shocked at the poor state of their health. 15 years of going against the usual trends has paid enormous dividends in that respect alone…

138. When I first started to give up alcohol, gluten and diary, I was judged so much my by family and friends, mainly because they did not have the understanding why one would give things up. I never let them put me off my choices, I continue to still follow what I was feeling was true. It is only now after few years, that they all have noticed how my choices have helped my health and well being. Some of them have now started to make changes in their life through the reflection I have offered them.

139. Saying yes to care for and to nurture my body is intricately linked to my connection to my life’s purpose which is to be a vehicle of expression for my divinity. When I choose to deny my connection to this purpose, I am open to all sorts of abuse, including food, self loathing and the myriad of comforts I may indulge in. When society understands this true purpose, there will be not pressure, just loving support to remember who we truly are!

140. When I am very committed to my body and say no, I do not find it difficult at all with any pressure and what is going on around me.

141. All suffer the consequences when they don’t say no. I did. I knew how bad alcohol was for me but I kept falling for the one drink and then had no control after that. I had no reasoning or anything in my body to register how to change until Universal Medicine. UniMed empowered me to stop forever. I understood in my body just what a poison alcohol is to never ever drink it again guaranteed.

142. Attitudes can change. About 30 years ago you were considered the odd one out if you did not smoke cigarettes and smoking was permitted almost everywhere. Today the odd ones out are those who smoke and the law has followed the trend and many places are now cigarette free areas. The same COULD happen with alcohol if enough people buck the trend and say yes to being responsible for their own health.

143. I remember when friends and relations used to try and persuade me to drink after I had said no to alcohol but when we say no several times and they realise we really mean it they do not pursue a worthless cause. the more we say not to substances that we know do not agree with us the more our bodies can clear from the toxins we have allowed, this goes for toxic behaviours too. Our self worth grows and we feel more and more naturally comfortable in our own skin. How awesome too to have more clarity in our thoughts and feelings.

144. Great call here Steffen. You can get questioned as if weird by making healthy choices in a consistent way. But then ask people what kind of hands they would want massaging them, they say yes of course someone who is vital, healthy, tender, has not been drunk the night before and does not engage in activities like porn. When it comes down to how they want others to treat them, people do know the truth. But when it comes to how we treat ourselves, people are less choosy and this says something about the lack of self worth in the average person.

145. It really is about honouring and listening to our bodies, they know what is or is not good for us. When we stop to listen, it is very clear and loud, it is us who normally ignore the signals and messages. We then over indulge and have to pay the consequences.

146. If we start to say yes to looking after our bodies, then the unhealthy choices start to drop away. Not because we declare ‘thats it no more smoking’ but because the more we look after and listen to our bodies – the louder the message that smoking isn’t supportive – and so we get to a point where we physically can’t smoke anymore. Like a small child who knows instantly that it does not smell nice – so too can we get back to this sensitivity as adults.

147. It’s simple really, just ask your body and be honest with listening to the feedback, our body has no investment in lying, only in supporting a vehicle that will support a vital life. But we think we can cheat the body and it will be forgiving, which it will cope with for a while, but in the end it will give us the feed back of how we have lived and we may not like that, as it can show you your disregard in an illness or a disease.

148. Spot on Steffen “saying ‘No’ to unhealthy choices is saying ‘Yes’ to yourself, ‘Yes’ to lovingly looking after your health and your body.” The only way to truly teach others is by our living example and slowly but surely, the penny will drop.

149. Yes from me! It has taken me years to say yes to that, to not listen to those who encourage me otherwise. the more I confirm that is my choice the easier it is.

150. When we truly love and respect our selves, saying no to what is not loving becomes easier.

151. Steffen you make a great point, it is ridiculous to hear that… “When they begin to make different lifestyle choices, they feel targeted, condemned or even bullied and find it hard to make the changes they would like to make simply because of the pressure that family, friends, work colleagues and society puts on them.”
     I have definitely experienced that myself as I began to make more significant changes in my lifestyle, but find over time, the more solid I become in why I am making the changes, and remain open and non-judgmental with those around me who choose not to at this point, the more accepting and even supportive they have become. Understanding why others might react and resist is essential.

152. I remember feeling quite intimidated a few decades ago meeting somebody healthy and friendly who said he doesn’t drink. In my experience I immediately notice what I am not doing when I meet somebody who makes healthy and caring choices and I am not surprised that we may react in such situations.

     1. Agree Christoph and I think the conversation needs to go further into peer pressure especially for children and young adults. Not only may they lose their friends if they go against the grain, but their ‘friends’ may begin to openly attack them.

153. Until we care more about how our bodies feel than how well we fit in and are liked, we will continue to eat, drink and do things that if our body was given the choice, it would emphatically say no to. So it really comes down to the question “Is being liked and accepted more important to me than my health?”. I does seem crazy then that so many of us are basically answering yes to this question with our choices.

154. Coming back to this blog again and it does seem illogical that society is pressuring us to the live in a way that is unhealthy yet at the same time knowing that this unhealthy way can’t continue. Do we all stay in the boat floating over the waterfall or do we make choices to change the way we care about ourselves and the way we live?

155. It’s crazy that we would rather say yes to someone else rather than yes to ourselves at our own peril and yet when we do it often inspires others to do the same.

156. It is amazing how society is so set in its ways that when someone does something out of the ordinary we are either criticised, judged or else there is peer pressure for us to resort to how we were ‘just once’. It is set up for us to cave into the pressure rather than feel supported in making loving choices. So this reflects to me the importance of claiming our choices and appreciating where we are at in full. That is our responsibility.

157. Why is it that we place more importance on what society is asking of us than the truth we know inside? I am one that has played this society v David game for most of my life, knowing things were not true or healthy yet choosing to belittle myself in order to fit the picture and then get trapped in a cycle of self disregard. At first i would have said it was to fit in, but that would have been a lie, then i would have said it was because i was searching for the answer to the misery i was living in – yet even that i feel does not capture it. Today i see it as a deliberate choice to stay away from my power, my truth and the purpose i have this life here on earth.

158. This blog confirms that we do not need to give in to the ‘unhealthy pressures’ of society. However, could it be that we may still use this as an excuse to indulge in something that we know is not good for us? If we saw that “saying ‘No’ to unhealthy choices is saying ‘Yes’ to yourself” then we might start to make more self-loving choices.

159. Steffen as you say, many of us “only drink alcohol, take drugs or eat certain foods in order to be socially accepted and to fit in.” So it’s great that we speak up and show that though this might be considered the norm it is not natural for the body and we do have another choice.

160. Social pressure can be the easiest way to say no to ourselves. I know I experienced it myself and often made excuses for not drinking around friends rather than claiming in full that I feel great when I don’t drink and I don’t feel the need to have alcohol anymore. It took me a while to claim it, and of course I felt the judgement straight away – but this was my opportunity to claim my choice. Not because anyone had pressured me into something or told me what to do, but because I made a decision based on listening to my body. The world is getting sicker and sicker – my responsibility in this is to listen to my body and at least consider my role in how I treat myself. To be more self loving is the best medicine out there.

161. Choosing not to drink alcohol has been an interesting experience. It is nearly ten years since I last had an alcoholic drink but even before then there were times when I chose to abstain. One of my recollections is of people refusing to buy me non-alcoholic drinks – especially in the sporting arena, after a cricket match – one guy saying ‘that’s not a proper drink’. Reflecting on this I pondered the nature of any relationship that depends upon what type of liquid you choose to drink from a glass. Not too substantial in my view. On another occasion, a man I had known for a while sidled up to me in an almost clandestine way to whisper ‘so, you never drink alcohol then?’ as if it was an ‘official secret’. I love my life free of alcohol – and so does my body – especially my liver, which has more important things to do than eliminate poisons I have deliberately ingested.

162. As I read this blog I had an image of the supermarket and the rows and rows of foods that have no actual nutritional value but are strategically placed to be so very visible – and are so cheap too. There is a kind of pressure in this, with clever marketing, bright colourful packaging and suggestions that ‘a little of what you fancy does you good’. Having removed such foods from my diet it is no exaggeration to say that there are more isles in the supermarket I don’t go down these days than I do.

163. It all comes back to personal choice self care or self abuse

164. “Under the pressure of society that encourages an unhealthy lifestyle, many accept this as a normal way of living without actually stopping and truly feeling if this suits them, if this is good for them and if this actually represents what they truly want to live.” Peer pressure is huge in society. Standing out from the crowd can take courage – but when one’s body knows what feels good, it feels easier to stay with new choices.

     1. Yes, doing something that nobody else is doing and that is also more loving is quite courageous.

165. Whether we realise it or not, we all contribute to this bigger picture, we all play a part in sustaining and growing this group mentality of ‘normality’. So rather than being a victim of ‘peer pressure’, what if we were to see that we are actually choosing it? For we also have a choice as you elegantly show Steffen, to simply stop and start to say no.

166. Yes I agree, there is really no, no. You either say yes to living in a healthy way or say yes to harming and abusing yourself and others.

167. Living life where one chooses to live more responsibly will often turn heads or lead others to react.

168. People feel so much pressure in living their daily lives to’ fit in’, to feel a part of society, to be accepted, that it is so easy to lose what we really need to be doing for ourselves. And this pressure feeds back upon itself until we come to the point where we actually don’t know ourselves, and we really are living a lie.

169. And if we really listen to our bodies… What we need to say yes to becomes abundantly clear.

170. It is indeed a crazy society we live in Steffen when there is so much peer pressure to indulge in an unhealthy lifestyle. To resist this pressure and stay to a healthy lifestyle that is true for you is a great investment with vitality as the dividend, but it is also a responsible example that breaks down the peer pressure our society is under and shows humanity that there is another way.

171. This month I have seen big adverts up about having an alcohol free January to recover from the Festive drinking that often goes on during Christmas. This is a positive step to changing life style choices, although I think more sustainable lifestyle choices happen when we are not told to make them so the choice really comes from ourselves, and when it is introduced in a gentle loving way that suits the person at hand, which can be different from person to person.

172. The world is definitely a bit topsy turvy when the pressure is on to be unhealthy. One of my biggest worries when I first gave up drinking was how on earth am I going to socialise and go out with friends. I thought I was going to stand out like a sore thumb. The amazing thing was that my friends were actually more supportive than I had expected them to be, which just goes to show that my fear was partly an illusion I had made up myself.

     I find that the more claimed we are in our lifestyle choices then the less attention they get. It’s true I do get the odd comment at work about not drinking or when they see the food I eat (or don’t eat), but as it’s so normal for me now and I don’t shy away from answering questions, I sometimes find the peer pressure to be unhealthy can actually turn into genuine intrigue.

173. Simple lesson. Stand outside the norm and you stand to be ridiculed. Society likes conformity, and dislikes anyone who exposes the error of their ways.

174. This is an important conversation to have, the negative peer pressure, not to change the behaviours that are behind global epidemics of ill health.

175. It really is about saying Yes to yourself and to start living from within instead of bothering what others say or think. Sometimes I get the feeling from the outside world that my healthy lifestyle choices are too responsible, too normal and dull. In the beginning when I started to say Yes to myself I did hide a bit but this has changed along the years and now I share openly how I live and how this has turned my life around and that I would not say No to me any more, of course to the best of my abilities, it is a forever developing process.

176. Society loves to cut people down. We don’t like people feeling amazing about and within themselves so we do all that we can to drag people into our well of misery.
     It’s a sad and sorry truth of where the majority of us still choose to live.

177. It’s interesting where we make concessions. When I think about how easy it is for me to say no to alcohol, drugs or cigarettes, I realise the peer pressure doesn’t affect me because I know the damage those substances will do to my body. But offer me a dessert of some kind that fits within my dietary requirements (almost), then the pressure feels stronger because the dessert has a much lower perceived chance of harm. What’s the worst that could happen? I’d get a headache and feel sluggish shortly after…and somehow I’m prepared to accept that as ok, despite the very obvious side affects of choosing to consume something my body clearly does not want or need.

178. Thank you Steffan for this piece. There are times where making the loving choices to care for our bodies, to be gentle and tender with ourselves while having been claimed in full, that we wobble a bit and eat too much or do other things that we have already felt are not supportive of our bodies. Reading your blog is a great support to look a little deeper than the surface and to claim what is lingering within that pushes us to make choices that are not the choice we have actually previously chosen and lived, with grace. Sometimes, the preasure from within is as pushy as the societal preasure without.

179. My experience has been that if I am not 100% committed to myself then I am fair game for persuasion. If I am not connected to the love that I hold for myself, then I will feel the sway when someone has made something nice for me that is dairy and gluten free-specially- but full of sugar. So the onus is on me to be absolutely solid within myself, to remember how I felt last time I gave in and what did I give in to? The emotional need of somebody else who perhaps needed approval. Or if this is not the case, they won’t mind if you don’t have any.

     1. This is my experience to Amanda.

180. Steffen, your blogs are simply amazing. Thank you, it’s so true and confirming and feels much more loving to say no. And yes it needs courage. It’s so worth it. Like this we can heal ourselves and support the world and anybody else in healing and coming back to who we truly are.

181. Love what you have presented here Steffen, the power of saying no is so important. I know when I stopped drinking, the amount of criticism and disbelief people had was incredible. But what I have also felt is an underlying self disbelief, a lot of people don’t think they would have the ability to actually say no. Hence why I feel people only make choices to stop drinking or make other lifestyle choices when they ‘have to’, due to illness or disease. As you correctly state, the health of our country and the world is increasingly getting worse, so being able to say no is and should be becoming more and more important.

182. It does seem very strange that in a world where we know illness and disease is not a good thing to have and by all means the medical professions do some amazing work in controlling and curing to the best of their ability. But then we have a society that pressures each other to provoke or create these very illnesses that will debilitate not only themselves but the rest of society….it doesn’t make sense. Sometimes I even wonder about all these pressures all in the air, we know they come through others like the phrase ‘come on it’s only one drink!’ but what about all those thoughts we get that put pressure on us, where do they come from? Because the more I connect to the real me those thoughts of worrying about being late or putting pressure on myself to achieve x,y,z, simply don’t make sense, I am seeing them more as an outside pressure rather than my own self condemnation. Could all these pressure then be floating around us like a fog or more like cigarette smoke, we walk through it and can smell it affecting us even if we ourselves don’t smoke.

183. The power of saying NO is so rewarding and self loving. It gets easier to say NO when you can feel the joy, vitality and harmony in your body.

184. This is so important, the discipline and practice of saying “NO” to unloving choices.
     It also gets more and more subtle. We think it’s harmless sometimes because it is so normal to society. But society is proving to us more and more how messed up it is and that it doesn’t have the answers. We need to open our eyes and ears and feelings wider and truly feel in our bodies if what we are choosing feels true in our body. Our bodies are the barometer of our soul.

185. Thanks Stefan. Your blog highlights the great loathing many of us humans have to go outside our comfort zone. We want to keep indulging ourselves and please others, even if it is at the expense of our health. No wonder medical science can’t keep up with what is happening when we do so much to pass on responsibility for our health rather than take charge of ourselves!

186. “Overall our bodies show lots of signs that the way we are living is not going well, but because of the pressure from all of the above we still give in and carry on with behaviours we know are unhealthy”.
     It is amazing that this is the general attitude in modern western societies today.
     Saying no and making self loving choices seems very difficult for many people. Education showing that there is another way and that it is possible to say no is the key.
     Thank you Steffen for your informative and wise blog.

187. Coming back to your great blog Stefan, this sentence just called out to be repeated as it sums up the situation that society finds itself in today, as a result of its un-loving choices and its chosen blindness as to what is actually unfolding from those choices. “Under the pressure of society that encourages an unhealthy lifestyle, many accept this as a normal way of living without actually stopping and truly feeling if this suits them, if this is good for them and if this actually represents what they truly want to live”.

     I used to be part of this way of living, but as my body kept on stopping me in my tracks with continual bouts of illness, disease and exhaustion, I finally stopped long enough to listen and I am so glad I did. With the inspiration of Serge Benhayon and the wisdom he presented me with, I finally owned that my body was my responsibility and nobody elses, and that to begin to heal it. I needed to say no to all that was harming me. That I have made the choice to do and, although at times it has been challenging, the improvement in my health and the increased joy in my life remind me in every moment as to the wisdom of my choice.

     1. Thank you Ingrid you have inspired me to take my responsibility for my body to a deeper level. Sometimes I get too comfortable with my level of responsibility, so it is always nice to be lovingly reminded that there is always more – more love to express.

188. How did an unhealthy choice of one person (as to drink alcohol or overeat…) start a movement that led to the unhealthy pressure of society we have today? It’s unfathomable for me. Something must have gone really wrong and the only thing I can do about it is to say NO to unhealthy choices myself and play my part in undoing the wayward way.

     1. We were all apart of that movement at some stage Felix. The fact that some of us are stopping and saying No is the first loving step for ourselves and humanity.

189. The ability to say no can seem so unobtainable for many, as life coerces them into choice after choice that serves them not, and yet, once one finds ones voice, it is found to be a very empowering experience… simply saying no, so that we can truly say yes.

     1. Saying No allows you to feel your inner strength and this is way more yummier than any piece of cake, glass of wine or drug.

190. I agree Stefan. That idea that it’s OK to do something that will momentarily feel good/be socially acceptable etc and to push aside any effects on our bodies is quite deeply entrenched in our society. We would rather offend ourselves than offend another person. Along these lines is also the notion that if no one else knows, then it’s OK because we have ‘gotten away with it’. It just goes to show how much we can kid ourselves when we want to.

     1. Spot on Helen. We are so prepared to offend our own bodies over offending someone else. How crazy is that?

191. Great points Steffen, it is crazy that we could choose these behaviours that are so harming and normalise them. I find the more I choose to look after myself with choices that challenge the norm, the more over time people begin to accept that this is my choice. As someone stated above the more we claim this for ourselves the less others react to it and in many cases begin to take a deeper look at the choices they are choosing to make.

     1. I have found this too Jade. People are beginning to accept what I eat and at times they are even accommodating by providing gluten and dairy free food. They are now accepting that the way I eat is my normal and this inspires some to try it for themselves or make more supportive choices in the food they eat.

192. I have been a yes person most of my life, but not to alcohol etc., but to people and their needs. No was not part of my expression, not realising I was all the time saying no to me. These days I am able to say no, in all honesty, when it is not honouring the the beautiful tender woman I am coming to feel I am.

193. I actually find that when I take our healthy food to the park for a picnic with friends of my children’s that the children will always swarm to our plates and love our food, and then of course are not crazy on sugar overload.

194. Yes to myself absolutely Steffen. Yes to accepting and taking responsibility for my own body and life.

195. This lack of respect and care we have for our human bodies by the way we are living today is clearly being reflected in our societies escalating rates of disease and illness. It is the responsibility of us all to turn these statistics around.

196. So true Luke. The buck stops with the individual and the split second decision to follow others in, often felt the next morning or hours later.

197. Having the confidence to say ‘no’ for the betterment of our health is an excellent trait to have. It can be difficult to say know if you have investments in fitting in but we have to come to the understanding, ‘what is more important our health or fitting in?’

     In most situations our true friends will understand and may even be inspired.

     So why hold back?

198. It’s really beautiful when people around me start giving me little gifts at work, like teas or nuts I like, instead of giving me chocolates or biscuits. Even though they are still there as well, there is a caring appreciation for what I choose for myself.

199. It’s interesting how many who decide to start saying ‘yes’ to themselves and their bodies and ‘no’ to the things that harm their bodies, stand out the most… and instead of being a point of inspiration for another, they can sometimes be targeted as different, weird or one I hear a lot is ‘oh you poor thing’. It is such a loving strength I feel from inside when I say no to food or drinks that my body does not need. It’s actually something to really celebrate.

     1. Aimee I can relate to “oh you poor thing” and ‘are you not allowed to eat bread, cheese, chocolate etc.?’ When I explain this is my own choice and I do not miss that kind of food, they cannot imagine and sometimes they see me as weird and very very different and feel lucky they can eat everything because their bodies are not giving them signals, although to me it is very obvious that the way they are with themselves cannot be called healthy.

        1. There are lots of comments like that Annelies but what I have found though is that people are watching and now several people I work with have been inspired and have decided to stop eating certain foods to see how their bodies feel. They are experiencing amazing changes and can now feel the difference.

200. I think it’s a journey one tends to go through, the getting to the stage where saying No is actually very easy. But in the lead up, there are minefields to negotiate, issues to un-do, ways of being that once we liked and now are questioning. At the start of the journey, one may say they love their wine, cake, drama etc and have no desire whatsoever to give it up or even modify it. Over time, this may morph into reducing their vices often because of health reasons. For me, it was a relief to finally decide for myself that I wasn’t going to drink anymore. That one glass or even those few sips caused me much greater pain – a turmoil within my body – than finally saying No caused, and I haven’t looked back. In fact, every so often I encounter the same feelings in others – that they’re sick of saying yes when they want to say no.

201. Steffen I have experienced pressure from family and peers to have just one slice of this or that, or a glass of alcohol – there is a feeling that to not join in means one is anti-social, faddish or just being difficult. Family at least have accepted that is so because I have remained consistent in my choices over the past 10 years. At corporate events one is given salad and chickpeas for every meal, or the caterers don’t understand that no dairy means no cheese, even if it is lactose free. However, the culture where I work is changing; finally students events are being organised where alcohol is not the focus because so many international students do not drink, or do not depend on alcohol to break down barriers and have a good time. In time the ‘normal’ will change to the prevailing trend – let’s hope more and more people simply feed their bodies what is needed so that health and choice of nourishing food becomes the new normal.

     1. This is so true and very much my experience also. Being looked at like I have two heads because of my choices to not enjoin and eat/drink what everyone else is. I at times get the feeling that they think my choices are ‘punishing’ in some way, however, my choices I know have and continue to reflect another way. Everyone doesn’t align to it, but I know for a fact that they are taking in what I say and how I eat, even if at times there is reaction going on.

202. Steffen, I find people more and more accepting of different dietary choices, especially when presented, not as something special, but a natural way of life. Yesterday, at a lunch celebration, the host pointed out all the gluten, dairy, and sugar free dishes, and there were many. A beautiful moment.

203. Saying truly yes to the body is the greatest way to live. The pressure of society to focus on the no and all that we cannot or should not do, eat and drink is part of the game to keep us in this cycle of self-abuse. I am always told that I am missing out so much by not indulging in certain foods, partying and unhealthy lifestyle choices, but nobody ever wants to ask themselves the question of what are people actually missing out by living that way. What is it what we are missing out? Living in a haze, being bloated, lacking energy, needing to eat certain foods and drink stimulating substances such as coffee? The emphasis is on needing as there is no choice in it, if my body is run down and I cannot get past lunchtime without the next sugar and coffee injection!!!
     Just quoting Karl Lagerfeld here: “I only like what I’m allowed to like. I’m beyond temptation. There is no weakness. When I see tons of food in the studio, for us and for everybody, for me it’s as if this stuff was made out of plastic. The idea doesn’t even enter my mind that a human being could put that into their mouth. I’m like the animals in the forest. They don’t touch what they cannot eat.”

204. Thank you Steffen and Gill, I understand, normal from the perspective of humanity is lacking a true connection to God, which means we are totally lost looking for answers that come in numbing comfort foods that make our bodies sick.

205. I noticed that the more I claim it as my truth the less reactions there will be.

206. Social pressure to conform to the ‘norm’ is huge and even though I’ve been eating a gluten free, dairy free diet for seven years, I still have people attempting to entice me otherwise. It’s not until you know how great you can feel in your own body that the healthy choices are the only ones you can make, and then saying no is easy.

207. It is sad that most people live this way, with alcohol, drugs, food and exercise indulgence, not actually realising how harming it us to the body, mainly because people are no wiser to the fact that we all have a choice and this way of living is not normal, but society has tried to make it normal. There are people like myself that have started to make a change and say ‘No’ to social pressures and it’s the best thing we have done, our lives have changed to a greater vitality and healthier bodies.

208. Whilst I now no longer play the game of drinking alcohol and smoking to socialise, there is still a tendency when socialising to “take a break” by eating something I normally wouldn’t eat and getting involved in a conversation I normally wouldn’t give my energy to. I feel like I am being polite, one of those social normalities we are trained to comply with as we grow up. Your blog Steffen makes me realise how unhealthy it is to be polite and how in fact living and speaking truth is the only way to a truly healthy life.

     1. Yes, I can relate to being polite Suzanne in order to not offend others and/or to be seen as a ‘nice’ person etc. It’s a real reflection to me of a level of self doubt that is definitely unhealthy. I know that pattern can and is being broken and that it takes a load off my body every time I make the choice to not play that game.

        1. I love how you have realised the reflection showing you “a level of self doubt”. I hadn’t considered that relationship to what I shared about being polite and appreciate your insight. Thanks Helen!

209. It is the peer pressure from outside of me that is the biggest challenge. The normalization of all the habits/foods that are not healthful. Thank you for sharing this behavior and attitude Steffen, It is very supportive to read.

210. When something is considered normal, people don’t even think there would be any need to stop and consider whether it is true for them or not, as there’s a mentality out there of ‘what’s good for the goose is good for the gander’. But it is our health that is bearing the brunt of the consequences and the medical system is literally busting at the seams from people not saying yes to making loving choices for themselves.

     1. The consciousness of ‘everyone else is doing it so it must be ok’ might mean a particular behaviour or choice is common, but it definitely doesn’t mean it’s normal or natural. We have gone a long way from what is natural in many things we do in relation to our health and well-being and unless we want to see the collapse of the current health system due to being unable to keep up, we must begin to make more loving choices.

211. It is crazy how most of us have got caught in the pressure of society and not said No, when we truly felt to say No. I know I have been caught in this many times and so then feel really bad in my body. I remember that’s how I started on alcohol, and then used alcohol as a numbing tool, even though I did not like the taste of it, it was something I did to fit into the crowd and not been seen to be different. “Because of all this pressure we would rather suffer than dare to say ‘No’ to something we know does not feel right for us and is actually damaging our health, as in the end the body has to bear the consequences. How crazy is that?”.

212. This is great Steffen. It’s very exposing of the fact that some have stated that Universal Medicine imposes a way of living on the people that attend its events, when this is simply not the case. In fact it is quite the opposite, as the teachings of the Ageless Wisdom show us just how free we are to make choices in our everyday life. We are imposed upon in many ways throughout our days – especially through advertising and the strategic placement of products in front of us when we walk through the supermarket. We need to see this imposition for what it is and how it may be impacting our choices, and therefore our bodies.

213. Saying yes to what our body is asking us to do Is one of the most positive steps to reconnecting with our selves, to the self that is in-tune with life, and is able to be rather than react, to enjoy rather than travail, to feel the harmony of the universe and to feel a part of this harmony.

214. It sure is a topsy-turvy world when we choose to eat and drink stuff that we know from experience just doesn’t work for our bodies. The disregard for that oh-so-dedicated vehicle which accompanies us absolutely everywhere we go, that houses all the synapses, systems and structures which make us physically what we are, that supports us when we overdo it and only ever answers back when it truly can take no more of the self-administered abuse it receives on a daily basis. To me, that’s a raw deal for the body and one we pursue at length at our own risk.

215. Awsome blog Steffen!! So clear and well expressed up to the point. Thank You for sharing. I can agree that when I started chosing healthier choices that it was also a challenge. That was now a bit more than one year ago and I must say the more I embodied it and the more I said no the better I felt and now people just know me to be that way and respect it some even get inspired 🙂 of course once in a while there is some comment or not-understanding, attack but as I care more for myself I feel stronger from the inside and can stay still without defending me anymore. Thank You for sharing. With love Nadine

216. ” … the pressure that family, friends, work colleagues and society puts on them.”
     yes it can be quite a shock with a feeling of betrayal when a person is pressured by their loved ones and friends for not going along anymore with their previous behaviours … sometimes the person has to have a ‘plausible’ excuse before the badgering stops, eg, “alcohol has been giving me headaches every time”.

217. It is surprising that there is little support for a healthy lifestyle from those close to you unless you have a life threatening illness and then it’s ok. It seems crazy that most people would agree on the basics of what is healthy yet point someone out as extrordinary for following it. Saying no takes quite a lot of effort yet pays off in the long run as to give in that one time doubles the pressure the next.

218. Steffen, I used to feel so much pressure to drink many years ago when I lived out in the Bush that I found a way to look as though I was drinking when I wasn’t. There is a brand of sparkling apple juice that looks like a bottle of beer when you put it in a stubby holder, so I used that instead of having a beer. I found that cranberry or pomegranate juice looked like red wine in a wine glass. Hence, I used to take those two items to social functions to fend off the persistent invitations to have a drink. Ironically, it worked beautifully – people left me alone as long as I looked as though I was drinking. Crazy lengths to go to though, to avoid the social pressure you refer to! These days I just say ‘No’ – full stop.

     1. Coleen that’s some disguise at looking like one is drinking. It’s great you no-longer pander to this pressure and are saying we are greater than needing to drink for whatever reason.

        I know that taking responsibility for myself I am learning to be with myself and not be needy around others. I wonder if those who are not taking those steps feel the threat of being left alone and having to feel the emptiness of not having a connection with themselves. I know I’ve felt this myself but seeing friends looking after themselves has been very inspiring.

219. Thank you Steffen, it is so true “many accept this as a normal way of living without actually stopping and truly feeling if this suits them”. How come we have a world that’s current accepted way is not one of self-love? Thank God for Universal Medicine, I look forward to the day that from day 1, it is about love, that from childhood we learn about self-loving choices, feeling for ourselves, and are presented the true way to live, which would be the normal and the only true reflection.

     1. I agree absolutely Arianne, thank God for Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon without them my life would not be the amazing life it is now. I too look forward to the day when every child grows up knowing what true love is.

220. So what is normal? Is this what everybody else does, or is it what feels appropriate for you? There is a big difference between normal and natural. And looking at our society today, with all it’s health issues on the rise, we are asked to take responsibility for our choices. Making healthy and self-loving choices still stands out like a sore thumb and rocks everybody boat, but there are more and more people choosing to do this, no matter what others think.

221. Awesome article Steffen. I particularly resonate with the fact that saying ‘No’ to the temptation is saying ‘YES’ to a healthier body.

222. I can so relate to this article. A work colleague bought some ‘healthy food’ that I can eat, she had so much joy in her heart that she got something that she could share with me. Regardless of me saying I don’t need to eat anything, I caved, at her prompting, I had a small piece out of obligation and it just didn’t go down well in my body. All good intentions on her behalf, sympathy on mine, does not create a true connection. Your blog Steffen summed it up beautifully. Thank you

223. What a valuable blog for all Steffen, thank you. Saying ‘No’ is indeed definitely a more healthy choice than giving in to the pressure of society to persist with unhealthy lifestyles. How do we say no? Simple answer indeed we just need to start saying “yes” to ourselves.

224. Great blog Steffen, I find it odd that, as a society, we treat ourselves with the very things that are of the least good for us and getting ‘wasted is championed’. I say a big NO! I know how vital my body feels when I take responsibility for its care and wellbeing and I know the opposite. It really is a no brainer, literally. We do all need to feel what is right for our own body. Without people to show there is a different way others cannot know they have a choice.

225. Yes Steffen, the pressure from society is great and yet it is not if we just keep observing what is coming at us and why. Nothing anyone thinks or does can really affect us if our foundation of love for ourselves is true and strong.

226. Steffen you raise a great point here.
     I feel for some people the thought of consistently embracing positive and loving lifestyle feels much too hard.
     I found only after I developed a deeper connection to the love I feel within was I able to begin to truly make the changes, because I felt I was worth it.

227. This is so true Steffen and such a good point about how there is a huge lack of support from others in our life when we start making healthy choices.
     Looking back at when I started to make changes to my diet because I was constantly constipated, had very bad eczema and was very underweight, my family and friends just made me feel as though I was difficult -especially in restaurants if I asked questions, they kind of ridiculed me or dismissed me for being healthy. This is a common reaction that I see all the time. It doesn’t bother me at all now, as I feel so much better in myself, nothing anyone could say to me would make me want to drink alcohol, eat gluten and dairy or sugary foods or stay up late in the evenings.
     Why would people give others such a hard time when they try to make supportive choices for themselves?
     Is it because they don’t want to look at the choices they make? It’s certainly much more comfortable if someone else has a drink with you, or eats cake with you… it is a very interesting pattern, but what would be the impact on the health of our societies as a whole if we were supported by those around us to make healthy, loving choices?

228. The more I have claimed my choices, the less pressure I get and feel. But the pressure can be pretty intense yes, especially when you are the only one in a whole group who makes another choice. But I also experience how people get inspired by me when I tell them about my choices and how I take care of myself. So it is both ways.

229. The thing that changed my commitment to making more healthy and loving choices was the decision that I wanted to feel more, and that blocking my body’s signals was having an effect on my health. I can make choices based on whether I am choosing to feel what is going on or whether I am making choices to stop myself from feeling. This extends to more than food but food is a great place to start and what we drink follows suit. An over stimulated nervous system cannot feel, the heightened state overrides your sensibilities and you can find yourself doing things you would not normally do when grounded and with yourself. When choosing warming and nurturing foods it is easier to honour what you feel and what you are being called to address. In trialling and experimenting with the aim of really wanting to feel more, the choices are simple and there is never a feeling of being denied anything. I love being in my body and living according to it’s natural rhythm – it’s not easy but my life is increasingly becoming more simple, which makes room for every part of my body to experience the joy of living and the beauty of the connections we make with all that exists around us.

230. It’s almost like today you are a rebel to make the choice not to drink alcohol and actually make the commitment to take care of yourself! How sad is that?

231. I get very upset at the pressure to eat unhealthily as the ‘norm’. In particular with sport sponsorship. Sport is associated with fitness and health. Yet my children participate in sport with fast food chains on their shirts and fast food vouchers rewarded to good performance. Feel the intensity of the insaneness, and insidious evil of this – what a sell out by all those involved. And many sporting heroes have alcohol sprawled over them, on the field and around the edge. Disgraceful.

232. Love it Steffen! I have found it extraordinary to experience the reactions I have received to saying ‘no’. The ones that I have found really challenged my friends and family were alcohol but mostly sugar – people just can’t get their heads round that one: I’m simply an extremist for giving up sugar. The other day, someone told me I needed to eat differently to put on weight. I told them that I ate quite a substantial amount of food, from all different food groups and enquired to which foods they would actually like me to eat; the response – “oh, just go and eat some donuts and put on weight!’ Hilarious.

233. Just the fact that most packaged foods have sugar in them shows how widespread the acceptance of unhealthy practices is. The world is geared to making healthy choices the least normal option which needs to change. It is nice that there is more awareness of the gluten free, dairy free, sugar free options. The more we ask the more it will be the normal thing.

     1. You write an important point here Amanda: the more we ask for and choose the healthy choices, the more we normalise them. It feels a bit sad to me and shocking that we got to that point in our society of having made “normal” (simply meaning “common” or “typical”) many unhealthy lifestyle choices as Steffen describes so well in his blog. What is considered “normal” is not necessarily good nor true – and we should remember that.

234. It is very strange and does not make any sense at all for someone to be ostracised and criticised for making self-loving choices if they are not imposing it on others. The only reason I can think of that people might complain is if they are not wanting to be honest about the choices they themselves are making and therefore the reflection disturbs them.

     1. I agree Nicola. If there is no imposition, a reflection of truth can disturb another, as they see and feel another way is actually possible. The disturbance is part of the healing offered.

235. As a humanity, it is time to take responsibility for our health with the first step or choice being to completely be honest with ourselves in how we are ‘feeling’ in our body, eg how tired, drained and exhausted we feel, and from this space, from this honesty we have a choice, to continue with a liftestyle that is clearly not working or to make different lifestyle choices that truly support, care and nurture our bodies.

236. I have felt people pity me for no longer drinking, smoking,taking drugs and eating certain foods and I find this rather odd due to how great I feel these days. The thing is the body puts up with a lot and we are able to override how we truly feel by taking these very numbing substances, and it’s not until you stop completely and look back at how you used to feel and compare it to now, that you realise when you weigh everything up that how great I feel now totally beats the short lived sensation of these substances.

237. There is a great discomfort and vulnerability that arises when we are made to feel ‘different’ just because we have started to make more self-loving choices in our lives. This happens because our society is set up to foster disregard more than it can foster true love and care. So when we make a move in this direction, not only do we stick out like a sore thumb, we are vilified and ridiculed or worse, coerced to revert back to behaviours that can never be supportive of true health and vitality. It is the old ‘don’t rock the boat’ syndrome – ‘if I see you living lovingly then by reflection, all that is not love that I choose to live will be exposed and I will have to see it and then deal with it. Please just have a drink with me instead, ignorance is bliss’. But more and more of us are waking up and realising that we cannot continue in this vein, often due to chronic illness and bodies that scream ‘no more abuse!’ We as a society are fast growing out of such a burdensome way of living and we are ready for change – the boat is well and truly rocking and it turns out we swim rather well…

     1. I love it Liane, ‘we are ready for change – the boat is well and truly rocking and it turns out we swim rather well..’

238. It was difficult for me at first to say no to the many offerings of food. After all I had eaten and shared the very same food stuff I was now keeping away from. I had a number of relapses as it was easier to give in than to explain and be judged as strange. Now this feeling of awkwardness is gone. Because now my choices come from a deep conviction I do not even need to explain, people just accept it and move on.

239. Saying no to what is not true for us should be easy and simple, but if we do we are no longer seen as normal, we stand out as being different. People are comfortable with ‘normal’ yet with ‘normal’ we all stay the same and nothing changes.

     1. Too right Alison! What is so great about being normal? When I look around me at the state of the world I can only draw the conclusion that normal hasn’t got us very far.

     2. Thank you Steffen and Alison, comfort is us drowning our sorrows in what ever way seems ‘normal’, so we are deluded by the majority’s way of thinking instead of making the loving choice to feel for ourselves.

240. Society definitely doesn’t make it easy to say no, especially when you’re faced with ‘It won’t kill you’….Well, no, in this very moment if I eat or drink that it will not kill me, but over time it might very well deplete my body in a way that I don’t see necessary.
     I’m comfortable with saying No these days and I generally don’t care what the other thinks, but I do at times have a feeling that I’m missing out, and so will consume something equivalent to make up for it. This just reminds me that there are times I am not fully claiming that I have made my choices for my health, as in truth, I’m not missing out on anything by saying No, I’m mainting my health, and that’s a hugely important thing right now when 95% of us are sick.

241. Nowadays it is difficult to say ‘no’ to society’s pressure on us – specially concerning unhealthy daily life choices. But why have we allowed this pressure to build up in our societies in the first place? Society is made up of us, so we have a say in it, haven’t we? How many people does it need, until a pressure in society is built? Could it be that we consciously want to give away our responsibility to an outer force and play the illusionary game of being victims?

242. Well said, Steffen. ‘Normal’ is neither good, or bad, it’s somewhere in-between, like, average, and it is defined by how many people subscribe to it, and if we look at the fact that consuming poisonous substance is accepted as normal, it is so obvious that its standard is rapidly declining and we don’t even recognise when we indulge in self-abuse. And even when we know something isn’t good for our body, there’s always something very attractive about being naughty.

243. Still a work in progress for me, learning to say ‘no’…
     When I am present in my body it is easier as I simply feel what action is true or not, although what springs to mind for me is not necessarily food, but rather saying yes to doing things for others when I do not feel to!

244. I love the list of excuses we use perhaps to ‘just have a piece of cake to not offend because they made it themselves’ and so on because really they are excuses for not saying NO and not saying YES to our own well being.

245. ‘Indeed saying ‘NO’ to unhealthy choices is saying ‘YES’ to yourself, ‘YES’ to lovingly looking after your health and your body’. Steffen this is a loving truth that I have experienced. I have learned from making much more healthier choices for my body that I am much happier with my body, my health and with my choices therefore saying
     ‘NO’ to unloving choices brings a great joy knowing that I am worth it.

246. We have to still to realise the extent to which we go out of our natural way to engage and try to win the battle of being accepted as part of a collective. That is why it has so many grips on us.

247. Bernard. If only we all knew years ago that living the unhealthy life style, would eventually catch up with all of us, and have a great effect later in life.
     It is never to late to change the way we do things with our health. It is not easy, but boy do you feel so much better by changing our patterns towards good health.

248. I used to live an unhealthy lifestyle, and a big part of it was convincing myself I was getting away with it. It was not till my health problems were stopping me from living a full life that I knew I had to take better care of myself. As Steffen has outlined the world health statistics are clearly showing we as a society are not getting away with it. Many ills that usually only surface later in life are present in relatively younger people. You only have to look around you. So it is ridiculous to the extreme that when someone does start looking after their health, instead of getting encouragement, they get the opposite.

     1. It is indeed utterly ridiculous that when we/someone do start looking after our/their health, instead of getting encouragement, we/they so often get the opposite. There is something in that though… Could it be that when someone chooses to stop any unhealthy lifestyle choice this becomes very EXPOSING for someone who has not yet made that choice for themselves?

        1. Definitely it is Alexandra, I feel it is very exposing for those who haven’t made those same choices particularly if they are sensitive to that fact. I have had experiences that confirm this, and people have actually told me they find my dietary habits confronting.

249. I find that people do not understand that even having one small taste of something has a huge effect, and so there is a discomfort when I just say ‘no thank you’, a feeling that I am being difficult or a ‘fuddy-duddy’. I understand this because, for example, if you have a steady flow of sugar in your diet, you will not notice how dramatic the effects are because you a living with the low grade ‘speediness’ all the time. It is so important to consistently choose what is needed and not bend to the insidious outside pressures. People get used to it.

250. The biggest pressures present when sharing meals with close family members – as I observe in myself not wanting to offend, or make them feel uncomfortable. It is also a reflection of the valuing of myself and truly investing in me – very exposing to consider that there is a choice in that and that I have on occasion not chosen ‘ME’. Thanks Steffen.

     1. ch1956 I can really relate to this. I am coming up to a family holiday with family I’ve not seen for a while who do take offence if meals aren’t eaten and eaten late at night.

        However I know that I don’t need to worry about this because I know I will be really loving with them and am looking forward to spending a lot of time with them so will communicate how much I love them in this way. Of course they may still not like me not joining in with them but I don’t have to react but if I do there’s a learning in that if I choose to be aware and honest and stay open to feeling me.

     2. It is interesting isn’t it that we can prefer to eat something that we know doesn’t serve us or our body rather than ‘upset’ someone else? Very exposing of how we do not honour ourselves.

        1. Yes and I think it’s very exposing of how much we also afraid to eat all the right things as when we start to feel really good, we sense how:
           a) other people may have an issue with our greater clarity which hurts us to feel, and
           b) with our greater clarity we see more clearly how others (our equals) choose to not be themselves and this is very painful to watch.

251. I have found that over the last 10 -15 years people’s curiosity, interest and acceptance of choosing diet and other health promoting choices has increased. There is a definite pressure to keep anyone taking greater care of themselves to tone it down, so that there is no reflection that there could be more. But I know from personal experience, even though I may not jump at a loving reflection presented to me and I may resist, when consistency is what is presented, deep down I value it and after a while in my own time I tend to come round – what is more, if that consistency is lost I will notice it and will miss it.

     I have seen the power of consistency again and again in my life with the unwavering reflection from Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, with the highest levels of care, wisdom and integrity. So I know that it is key that I express the loving ways I have built into my life without apology or toning down regardless of the pressure, because if there is consistency, everyone will see and feel it and will be supported to deepen their own way in their own time.

252. I feel that one day society will be thanking those who have made healthy choices like not drinking, not smoking etc ‘ so that they can support those that need it. The tides will turn and that peer pressure will ease off as reality hits that it’s our lifestyle choices that are causing so many problems and it will be time to clean up our act.

253. I was talking to this woman at the gym and she noticed that I already did my exercises and it was still quite early. I told her that I always wake up early so that’s why I am also early at the gym. She was quite surprised by my waking up times and I shared that I always sleep at 9 pm. Really she said, how did that pattern sneak in? It did not sneak in, I replied, it’s a choice. I love making choices that feel so caring and loving to myself. Isn’t it strange that we actually live in a world where taking care of yourself is seen as not normal?

254. We are constantly being offered the opportunity to say no to so many things that hurt our bodies. On one hand, we are very strong and resilient, but on the other we are also so incredibly sensitive and delicate.

255. It is so interesting to look at food and the choices we have and make around it. I wonder if we begin the learning process of eating to please others when we are young and have an emotional relationship with our parents who need us to eat and be well and healthy to confirm that they are doing a good job and are therefore valid as parents and as thus as people? I know I have certainly done this with my children.

256. Gosh Steffen, I could write a whole book in response to what you are discussing here. Interestingly, the other day going through the supermarket checkout, the cashier was offering a free candy bar to each person coming through her pay point. But I and everyone else I saw just before and after me refused the candy bar! I made the comment that it’s getting hard to even give away sugar, but sadly this brief experience is not what most choose. The pressure to conform to manifestly, provably unhealthy social rituals is so taken for granted that people are not seeing it for what it really is. The ritual of consuming toxic drugs like alcohol, unhealthy foods and drinks, and engaging in self-harming behaviour (lack of sleep, overdriving nervous system, emotion, body abuse in the form of intense workouts and sports) is a religion. I make no apologies for drawing this parallel. Not in the true sense of religion (which has largely been forgotten) but in the dogmatic, unloving and oppressive style that has nothing to do with truth, and which, to me, dominates the world’s religions today. And just like those, this self-abuse ‘religion’ persecutes those who do not conform to it.

     When you look at religious persecution the world over, you can see the same pattern as we see now when people choose a wholesome lifestyle of healthy choices, thus going against the grain of the bulk of society: persecution. Some of the persecutions are personal, situational ones like being derided at a party, wedding or in a restaurant for saying no to alcohol, or friends making fun of someone who does not drink coffee or eat chocolate. I was even refused a job for which I was blatantly the best candidate (and had been told so by the supervisor) because I did not drink alcohol and would spoil the group ritual in the office! Some of the persecutions are far-reaching, like smear campaigns in the media, stalking and harassment. Religious persecution happened in many countries (and still does today) – I know that various of my ancestors took to ships and left their homes in European countries to get away from such persecution. The foundations of great nations were partly built by such refugees! The USA, parts of Australia, Canada….. probably many more…. Well, the foundation of the new humanity is being built by those who boldly choose their healthy, loving ways, no matter how much persecution is thrown at them.

     I had one yummy experience a while ago regarding not drinking alcohol. After years of people saying to me: “Oh but it’s OK, it’s organically-grown so you can have a little bit”, and having to deal with their disapproval when I kept refusing, I responded in a way that felt true to me. A shop assistant was offering samples of their de-alcoholized organically-grown wine and I said thank you but I don’t drink wine. She repeated that it should be OK because it had no alcohol and was organically grown, and held it out to me again. I said but the drink was made originally with the intention of being alcoholic and making people drunk, and so that energy is still in the product. Being into homeopathics, she ‘got’ this straight away and responded by saying she had not thought of it that way before, it was a heads-up for her, and explained why she felt rotten after drinking it but hadn’t made the connection before because she thought that it was OK!

     Steffen I love how you have clarified no and yes here – “Indeed, saying ‘No’ to unhealthy choices is saying ‘Yes’ to yourself, ‘Yes’ to lovingly looking after your health and your body.” This is something that also needs to be understood by everyone. Too often people equate ‘no’ with self-sacrifice and deprivation and being marginalized, criticized and made to feel weird and anti-social, when actually it is a yes to being healthy, joyful, living a life of love, and being the pioneers who bring that to humanity.

257. Yes Steffen there is a lot of pressure out there to enjoin in the unhealthy lifestyle. I have gone a long way down that road, ill health, exhausted, and feeling miserable is where it goes, having plenty of company is no consolation. That is what keeps me on a different track to a healthy lifestyle, no amount of peer pressure is going to bump me off track.

258. I found initially when I gave up alcohol and changed my diet I was hesitant to tell people about that changes out of fear of their reactions. I was worried they would start to question me and possibly be critical and judge me as being a bit ‘crazy’. However, I have stuck with my decision and not only do I find people no longer consider it abnormal; some are actually changing their habits as well, because they feel their bodies can’t cope with how they were living.

259. Thank you Stefan. Saying No is definitely an art in some restaurants. I have found when eating out, I have to be prepared for the unexpected, be present with myself and learn to say No. At a lovely Lebanese restaurant I visit, the norm is to serve fresh mint tea with caffeinated tea bag and side sugar, flat bread and rice with every meal, and complementary baclavas when you finish your meal! I find it helps to let them know my preferences each time I order. When we do this as naturally as possible, we reflect another way of being. Now the waiters know me and often call out the order for me: ‘fresh mint tea-no teabag’.

260. Agree Steffen, ‘Saying ‘No’ is definitely a more healthy choice than giving in to the pressure of peers to persist with an unhealthy lifestyle’. However in truth we never really say no. We are always saying ‘yes’ – in this case we either say ‘yes’ to lovingly looking after our health and our body or we say ‘yes’ to disregard and the ensuing unhealthy lifestyle. There is always a choice of what to accept.

261. “Indeed, saying ‘No’ to unhealthy choices is saying ‘Yes’ to yourself, ‘Yes’ to lovingly looking after your health and your body.”- In the end it comes down to this- is our choice loving for our body or not? My body is definitely letting me know- and I am thanking it for this, for now I am feeling more vital and less bloated.

262. ” …. patients frequently report to me that they often only drink alcohol, take drugs or eat certain foods in order to be socially accepted and to fit in.” This one line is enough for me to come to a grinding halt and say “What on earth are we doing to ourselves?” “What crazy lie are we living in?”

263. Thank you Steffan. Reading you blog made me aware of how much my social life has changed since making self loving lifestyle choices that no longer include alcohol, eating in restaurants that do not support my diet and morning or afternoon teas that include the home baked sugar/egg/gluten laden cakes. All these activities had me feel bloated, fuzzy and tired. My social life is now filled with love, acceptance and supportive drink and food.

264. Steffen I have always been pretty good at saying ‘no thank you’, although I have always been rather reserved at saying the reason why when people ask why I am not having a drink or a piece of cake. I think that it was from a fear of not upsetting others. Recently this has changed for me as I see gentle sharing as potentially useful for others. I have to be mindful of how I share, that it is not done in a critical way but if I can do it lovingly then it may support others to consider that they too have a choice.

265. “‘I know you do this healthy lifestyle thing now and do not drink alcohol but you can just have one glass with me and I will not tell anybody.’ Who needs enemies when you have friends like that!”

     Indeed! made me chuckle.
     When we make someone else feel uncomfortable about their choices they tend to push the other person (their friend) to also join in.
     It’s much easier to say no to your enemies than to your friends.

266. There is so much power and love in this one little word ‘no’. When we say ‘no’ to things that harm us, we are very simply saying ‘yes’ to ourselves.

267. It is easier to abuse our bodies than it is to make healthy choices. This is due to the normalising of the unhealthy choices, go into a supermarket as one example and the first thing you see is unhealthy food specials. When was the last time you got a deal on the healthy food? It of course doesn’t help when we are encouraged to make unhealthy choices by those around us who wish for us to indulge with them. I have been on both sides of this particular game. It is definitely easier to make loving choices when you are close to others who are committed to doing likewise, then the normal becomes healthier.

268. Hear-hear Steffen, totally agree. Taking responsibility for our health starts with saying ‘No’ to those substances which we know do have a negative impact on our health, smoking, alcohol (there’s no safe limit to alcohol), sugar etc. The human body is like the meat in the sandwich, being surrounded by the overwhelm of tempting choices. It just goes to show, how important self care and self love are – the fundamental blocks of making healthy choices for the body.

269. It is such a commitment and discipline to keep saying YES to self-loving choices and I have found that the more you say YES to that, the easier it is to say no to what it is not. But it is a work in progress as I often still get caught up and say YES to something that is unhealthy (be it a food or behaviour) because I feel I can’t say no – then I go into frustration and resentment which feels awful in the body and I know that I created it! Crazy stuff….then I go back to making self-loving choices to stop this merry go around.

270. It is crazy and sad that we cannot make healthy choices for ourselves without criticism from others. I have observed this to be particularly difficult for teenagers. I observe my 17yr old son who is making some wonderful choices in how he is living but he really gets a hard time from his peers. In addition the pressure to “fit in” is huge and he can be pulled by this at times. Our society is so intolerant to anyone who is making “different” choices.

     1. Yes Anne and in those impressionable years the vulnerable are bombarded the most. Young people staying up late are exposed to the most extreme behavior, and often explore the experience and consequences to a certain degree. Teaching our children to be independent of mind and responsible for themselves will hold them in good stead.

271. Steffen how confusing is the world as we are constantly told and shown contradictory things for example we are being told to be healthy yet sold everything that is unhealthy. The healthcare system says take better care of oneself yet after a recent private health assessment I then walked out into the hospital cafe to be offered Coca Cola, Mars bars and a bottle of wine – all the things that during a discussion the doctor advised where causing major health issues for society. So on the one hand we do know what is true and supportive yet at the same time society constantly feeds us the opposite.

272. The pressures imposed by society on all of us are immense. I used to feel embarrassed about not drinking or not eating gluten and had to offer all kinds of explanation. The hardest was saying no when someone had lovingly prepared a dish I could not share. By being steady in my commitment I have let go of the embarrassment and simply say it is my choice just as yours is to drink.

273. Could it be that alcohol, drugs and some foods are all one big drug we use frequently to numb ourselves from feeling that which we don’t want to feel? So we have invested a lot in this way of life, as have the people who have learnt to make money by supplying this great need for taking the edge off life. It perhaps seems harder to let go of something we need or rely on so heavily.

274. A great blog Steffen. Pre giving up alcohol raises the question that relationships will/might change, which can influence the choice to quit. Post giving up is remarkably awesome because there is a freedom from a consciousness, which feels incredible and it’s more than just the physical giving up this drug in the body.

275. Saying no to not only foods and poisons for your body, but also no to certain behaviours, are all making-up an ever expanding healthy base from which we can leap into and enjoy life with – so much more than the uppers most of us have used to avoid one’s daily low.

276. Having given up alcohol for some years now, I notice what went unnoticed before – responsible parents offering their children wine or beer from their own glass. It is totally the accepted norm to do so – apparently to prepare their children for alcohol consumption in later years and the children feel really grown up in so doing.
     How crazy is this as it probably just gives children a taste for it sooner rather than later.

     1. Indeed Stephanie this is the beginning of the “normalising” process of alcohol and so the cycle keeps perpetuating itself.

277. It is so true Steffen Messerschmidt that society is putting that much pressure on keeping everything as it is, and not wanting to change and become honest to what our bodies truly have to say. We all have a knowing what is good for us and what not, but until we recognise and concur the pressure that has been put on us, we will not be able to live accordingly.

278. A great article Steffen. I certainly felt the pressure of those around me who thought I was a bit weird to stop drinking alcohol and to make many other changes in the way I was living. Initially I tried to keep quiet about my choices so that no one would notice and I did not have to justify myself. When I let go of this hiding and just lived the choices I was making I found others just accepted this is the way I am. Everyone would consider it harmful and wrong to give alcohol to a 3 year old, so why does it suddenly become ok to give it to them at 23, 33, 43, 53, 63… year old?

     1. Great point Mary. At what age does it become acceptable to abuse our bodies?

279. I sometimes wonder if when people sense the change for the better in you that they may just be feeling jealous of you saying “Yes” to you, instead of chocolate, alcohol, drugs, sugar, caffeine … The list goes on. I find a lot of people can’t even fathom that you don’t feel you are being denied or are missing out on a thing without all that stimulation but from experience when I feel the joy of the light within me there is nothing this world could provide me that could equal how amazing I am.

     1. This is very true Suzanne Cox. When we make more self loving choices there is so much focus on the ‘no’ and an assumption that we are losing something or missing out on something. But what about the massive awesome ‘yes’ we are saying to ourselves and the vitality, clarity, joy and steadiness that we gain by choosing to be less self abusive?

280. There will always be reasons to not care for ourselves, that is for sure. Equally so there will be reasons why to care for ourselves. The only thing that supports our choice to choose the latter is our own individual ability to accept the love that we are and that we are worth deeply caring for.

281. It is a very shocking comment on our society when it is unnatural to take care of ourselves – we have travelled so very far from being and expressing from our innateness. It feels like we have accepted a way of life that is so much less than who we are simply because everyone else is doing the same, and that somehow there is no way to change this. We consider ourselves intelligent and yet we fool ourselves every moment of the day that we are not fully living and honouring who we are. When we begin to change and feel our amazingness we begin to truly feel who we naturally are and that this is the way of a ‘normal’ human being.

282. Great blog. It has become so accepted in society that, like you said, it as seen as normal to feel exhausted and bloated all the time. It’s almost like we don’t stop to consider if there is any other way, because this is generally not reflected to us.

     1. I totally agree Anna that it is accepted as normal to not feel well and vibrant all the time. I can certainly remember feeling, that to be unwell most of the time was just the way it was, but slowly began to ask – why? Oh to have found that there is another way and that way begins with self responsibility and self care. Simple common sense!

283. The pressure we face when we start to make more healthy choices is actually the reaction of those around feel when we make more LOVING choices, ones they are not yet ready to make. When I consider how we succumb to these pressures when everything in our body is saying, “Stop!” I can feel how we have taken true aspects of brotherhood and twisted them into false ideas and beliefs. For instance we naturally know we are all one. We then feel uncomfortable not doing something that everyone else is doing, as we desperately want that feeling of oneness and belonging. I have also felt the guilt of not wanting to leave people behind when I make loving choices. The pressure to not offend is also strong and feels like a reinterpretation of love and appreciation of what the other person has offered. I have found the key is to appreciate and never judge the gesture but still say no to the unhealthy offering. Lastly I have noticed that it is often those closest to us, the ones who say they love us who deliver the greatest pressure to conform and keep making unhealthy choices. To this I would say, if you truly love someone why would you want them to harm themselves?

     1. Love what you have written here Fiona.

     2. Here here. Great words Fiona Lotherington.

     3. This is so true Fiona, so often we comply with the status quo, don’t what to rock the boat and join in whatever it may be that deep down we know doesn’t feel right. And so we egg ourselves and others on, quietly coercing and then we’re in this vicious spiral. Because every time we make a choice to bring harm to ourselves through an ill choice, we then also – even if we don’t consciously know we do this – we bash ourselves. And so when someone comes along who does make loving choices, we feel the big sting of our own and the ickyness we are in as a result.

284. I am one of those who are willing to say NO to something that doesn’t feel right for me and is damaging to my health. and YES to a more simple and healthy diet and lifestyle that truly supports me. After all it’s all about taking responsibility for my own health and I would be crazy not to.

285. Advertising, peer pressure and old family patterns can support and encourage unhealthy behaviour. The idea of saying ‘No’ Is almost unheard of. To suggest that a person go deeper to consider what’s really going can cause a ‘re~action’ in others. Historically that hasn’t stopped some from making changes and living them for others to see. Today we are living in an amazing era where people are starting to challenge old ways, and thanks to Unversal Medicine and Serge Benhayon more and more people are choosing to live with love and selfcare

286. Steffen you have shared something that I personally have experienced and see other people experiencing. It so true it is simply about being honest with ourselves and being willing to say no. Our bodies will thank us for it!

287. I have friends and family members that have struggled with my decision to not drink alcohol or coffee, go to bed early and rise early, to make choices that are different to the choices I used to make and that they currently make. The Media are constantly bombarding society with choices that are in opposition to supporting us to think and choose what feels right for our bodies. Those that are feeling into what is true for their bodies and lifestyles and living that are bringing a different way and showIng that it is a choice, one that anyone can make.Thank you for sharing your experience and speaking out Steffen, every time we do, it plants the seed for new beginnings and that is healing for us all,

288. This is a great article Steffen, when I decided to stop drinking alcohol I didn’t feel supported in this decision, there was a lack of understanding as to why I would want to do this from friends and family. It feels very empowering to stand firm with this decision not to drink and it does feel like I’m saying ‘‘Yes’ to lovingly looking after’ my health and my body.

289. It’s true that there are a lot of pressures swinging you in the direction of unhealthy. I have found the more solid you are and the more You stick with it the less you notice these pressures and eventually it’s like there is none as how you feel without it is so good you wouldn’t even think about going back.

     1. Here here Emily

290. Saying Yes to connecting with our own rhythm, of sleeping eating exercising communicating breathing, in fact everything, is one of the most wonderful aspects of what Universal Medicine is presenting to the world. Everything is there for us to feel, we just have to tune in, connect, and be who we truly are.

     1. That pretty much sums it all up cjames

        1. Yes it does Joe Minnici.

291. I think of my own choice to quit drinking alcohol by having felt that it does not support my body in any way, shape or form and how this has offered a reflection to many of those around me that there is, in fact, a choice to be made.

292. I love reading this Steffen, it makes me feel how crazy it actually is that we promote food, drinks and choices that are not healthy for us. I can feel the great opportunity is in starting to live it for myself and not letting all the media and promotions influence my choices. How freeing that is!

     1. It also exposes how the media and advertising have a very similar format in addressing food or drink. It feels like a very old ingrained pattern that does not support us where we are at now. This needs to be changed.

     2. I agree with your words Lieke, and it seems that not only are food, drinks and choices promoted that are indeed not healthy but those that choose to discern what may or may not be healthy for their body are ridiculed and scoffed at – this has been my own experience.

293. Thank you for writing on this topic Steffen. Just yesterday myself and a couple of colleagues were shouted ‘coffee and treats’ as a thank you, a genuinely lovely gesture from a lovely person. However, it highlights how instilled it is in society that we use food as a medium for expression – from gratitude to distraction – and it is usually unhealthy foods …. I look forward to the day when it is more common place to keep it simple and loving with regard to food in our lives, it will be a wonderful reflection of how we are in our lives overall as well actually!

     1. Yes Jane, the normality of these kind gestures can be very harmful to the body. Shouting a mate a free beer at the pub is not free at all, it comes loaded with so much more.

     2. Yes Jane and Matthew, and we do the same with children, reward them with sweets or chocolate for good behaviour or as a treat, but where is the treat in eating something that is not good for the body and that can leave us racy or – in children cases – less able to control themselves.
        The “everything in moderation” saying is a great lie – if something isn’t good for us, is it not more sensible to just not eat it or at least see it for what it is and accept that it may be harming us.

294. When I say “I don’t drink” the usual next question is “why not?” Like…do a need a reason, is it so irrational to not poison one’s own body? It is so interesting to observe the reactions of people to non-drinkers. It so often brings up anger and annoyance, aggression and imposition. It’s not like I am threatening anyone by choosing not to drink, just minding my own business. I have found that over time, these situations don’t occur so much as people get used to it, and I actually don’t find myself in many situations where alcohol is any more. There is definitely a new culture of non-drinking developing, and it feels so incredibly natural.

     1. It is bizarre how there is a pattern in our society where we are asked to justify why we are choosing to not be self abusive. How often do we ask those who drink alcohol to explain why they feel the need to do something that is obviously not good for the body ?

     2. ‘No drink is the new drink’…it just might catch on.

295. I have noticed in my own body, when I say yes to something because I feel it is something “I should do because that is what everyone else does” it doesn’t feel great in my body on a physical level. My body is telling me I am dishonouring myself. There is a moment of relief as I enjoy the enjoining with others, but that is only momentary and I am then left to face the consequences in my body of my choice. Ouch! I have felt this enough times now to know it doesn’t feel great so that when the next situation arises, it is much easier to say “no”.

296. I recall at a holiday place I frequented it was Australia day and walking past the surf club patrons on the beach, they had an Australian flag up and they were demanding people salute the flag. This was a pubic beach. They were drunk, of course!

297. Beautifully said Steffen, saying no is most certainly saying yes to yourself. There is nothing to lose by ‘giving up’ or saying no to that which harms us. Our body loves us for it and therefore, there is everything to gain:))

298. Knowing that people will push you to try and do things that you know will not do you any good, in mind and body..
     Just stand up and be counted and do not feel afraid to say NO

299. I look forward to a day Steffen when someone says “Go on….just have one more piece of steamed broccoli…I won’t tell!”
     I was never a big drinker of alcohol, I only did it to fit in (I hated the taste of it). But when I quit…oh my goodness I never had so many offers for a glass of wine….”go on…just one….”.
     I spoke to a friend whose strategy is to walk around at parties with a wine glass full of water to pretend she is drinking. I am not so accommodating. I just say “no”, with the commitment sourced from a body that loves me not drinking.
     In recent years I have noticed more people acknowledging that choice and appreciating it. They are starting to understand that the alcohol and the other pressures of society are not doing them any good. Change is afoot.

300. Thanks Steffen, the ability to say no and not give in to the pressures around to conform with others, is the first step towards restoring not just our health, but a greater sense of self worth too…. it is unavoidable to feel better about yourself when you are prepared to stay true to the way you feel in all these small ways. I find people do eventually get used to it and accept the changes if you don’t hold an expectation or judgement that they should also change.

301. I think you’ve raised some really great points here Steffen. There is so much craziness that gets tied in with celebrations or festivals, certain times of year, occasions or gatherings. And gets accepted as the ‘norm’ without truly considering if it is something we really want to be doing.

302. Saying no is becoming more comfortable with me, not feeling like I have to fit in. I feel so much better for saying no without a doubt.

303. I wonder if people cannot say no to foods/drugs as they have been conditioned to the fact that someone or something else will fix their body if it “breaks” and have not had to be responsible for the decisions they are making. Our health system is about offering solutions rather than fostering accountability and responsibility. Suggesting that certain conditions are hereditary or influenced by certain external factors does not help this situation and takes us further away from loving and honouring our bodies and what we are putting in them!

304. I can remember before I stopped drinking how seeing another who did not drink would bring up a lot of jealousy in me. At the time I did not recognise it as this but I do now, to see another look after themselves made me react as I knew deep down that I could be looking after myself just as well. I feel it is this reason that is often at the root of why so many people find it difficult to support another’s healthy choices, even when those choices are clearly rooted in common sense.

305. This is so true Steffen. It is almost as if we need a partner in crime (the ‘crime’ being acting in a way that we know is counter to the love that we are) and when this partner makes the choice to come back to this love, we are left outside (by virtue of our own choice) and rather than feel this, we desperately try to pull the one who has ‘left’ us back in! But it is never love that leaves us, it is only ever us that chooses to leave love and so this ‘outside’ business is pure illusion and indulgence afforded to not feel the responsibility of our unloving choices. I wholeheartedly agree with what you are saying – NO is the new YES. Yes!

306. What I’ve found is that by fully accepting my own choices, for example saying ‘No’ to things like cakes, coffee, etc. in the office, everyone accepts it too. My ‘No’ comes with absolutely no judgement of them for saying ‘Yes’ and I know they feel that, and they just accept my choice. What’s interesting is that they often will open up about not really wanting it, or feeling guilty about having it/not having it. So the more I say ‘No’ to unloving choices, it offers a reflection back to others to do the same – maybe not immediately but perhaps at some later time.

307. “It is time that we as humanity look at our choices, the consequences those choices bring and start to take responsibility for our own health. This begins by saying ‘No’.” So well said Steffen – we know it but we need to say it. I am very grateful for the presentations of Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon that has presented a way of living that offers exactly what you have written. It is well needed.

308. Saying ‘YES’ to ME was the best medicine I ever took – it cured misery, lethargy, exhaustion, indecision, lack of self worth and so much more. Caution; side effects include gorgeousness and true sexiness!

309. Saying ‘YES’ to self, is like choosing to cross over a bridge, and once you do, you will not look back…..feeling the true Joy and Wellbeing that taking true responsibility for ourselves brings, far outways the ongoing comfort of old habits that do not serve us.

310. NO, a great way of claiming the whole “YES” our body loves to say when given voice to what is truth. NO to holding back, YES to claiming our truth.

311. Completely agree Steffen. This really stood out for me – ‘Who needs enemies when you have friends like that!’ As it reminds me of a time when I was offered drugs, I declined and was met with the response of group laughter and ‘what’s wrong with you?’ Although this pressure was hurtful there was no way I was going to compromise honoring me and my body. And it is so true that there are hundreds of people who have chosen another way to live, which is more self-loving and respectful to our bodies. And as a result living with more joy, increased vitality and far more loving and respectful relationships with others.

312. Great blog Steffen, I certainly know the feeling of eating/drinking or doing things that I didn’t want to just to fit in or to make other people feel comfortable. Over the years I have learned to say “no” and to stay with what I feel, and now I feel better than ever before – if I am the one to be living in my body, why should I not be looking after it?!

313. The pressure and coercion to partake of non-food (= not fit for human consumption) items that masquerade as food is getting bigger and bigger; now the supermarkets and petrol stations print out discount vouchers for soft drinks and gooey sweets with their receipts, what will they think of next?

314. Thank you Steffen for your blog, and yes, the word no, has a great ring to it when it is a self care and self loving choice. As a yes person most of my life, I found it difficult at first to say no, always feeling I was letting people down , when really I was the one that was being let down.

315. This line “It is time that we as humanity look at our choices, the consequences those choices bring and start to take responsibility for our own health. This begins by saying ‘No’.” stood out for me having just watched ‘That Sugar Film’ by Damon Gameau. The only way anything will change is by people waking up to the effect sugar is having on our brains, organs, teeth and bodies generally, and not waiting for food manufacturers to change our food.

316. No is a very powerful word and one that really ought to be used more often. We do always have a choice even if at times it seems like we don’t.

317. It has been a consistent commitment to me to be able to say no when out with friends to food straight off the menu, it may take a little extra effort to co-ordinate with the restaurant staff for something suitable to eat, but for me it is worth it. Friends see me as missing out on all the good food because I can’t eat many different foods. I see it as a opportunity to get to know my body and feel what supports it the best by what I choose to eat.

318. The temptation to eat and drink in an unhealthy fashion is endless. When I fill my car up I’m bombarded by chocolates at the counter and surrounded by shelves as tall as me with soft drink and chips. At the supermarket check out there’s unhealthy temptations, the school canteen is filled with so called healthy options that are filled with sugar, even hospital caffeterias don’t sell healthy food. With so much temptation around it is important to consistently say no to unhealthy options and yes to loving and respecting my body. This can be hard at the end of a long day but over time I’ve learnt that it’s harder to deal with the head ache I get after eating chips or the bloated feeling and bad nights sleep. Saying yes to loving choices is very empowering and my body thanks me for these choices.

     1. A great point Tracy so true… it is harder to deal with the result of not saying no, and I find not just any physical symptoms as you say, but there is no way to avoid the feeling of letting yourself down either.

319. Yes Steffen your post shows just how far deep as a society we have gone it seems to (enjoy?) being ruled by the outside world to the very contra of our own inside natural world. When we start to listen, and say yes to the world that’s living inside us, we start truly enjoy, cherish and value living as the real-us, such that compromising on this no longer is an option. We learn the value of self-care and love.

320. The pressure from society can indeed be very confronting.
     But ins’t society all of us?
     So with everybody who is choosing to say NO to a lifestyle that is neither loving nor supportive, consequently a part of society is saying NO to it.
     How cool is that :o)

     1. A great point you are making here Michael. If we all feel more comfortable to conform then how will we ever be able to apply changes in the world? Change often starts with one person being willing to stand out and make a different choice, that then inspires others to do the same.

        1. And what’s more many people in society, myself included, are so inspired when we finally see someone making the choices that deep down we all know are needed. This is very cool.

321. Eventually self loving choices will become normal, in the mean time hang in there!

322. Thank you Steffan, and thank you for that link about drinking on Australia day. It really does highlight the pressures that are there. But if we do make a choice, and feel what is right for us and our bodies, then it can be a great opportunity for others. We had the opportunity a little while ago, to have quite a few relatives around for Christmas. They actually flew up from around Australia to be in our area so we could have Christmas together. We had Christmas lunch at our place, with the stipulation that it was alcohol free… Which was a first for everyone! It was wonderful, but what is even more amazing is that one of my relatives refers back to it as the loveliest Christmas that she can remember.
     It is amazing what is possible when we choose simply and clearly in self-love.

323. Saying “No” can sometimes mean confidence, and courage is needed, but if it is what you feel is true it is worth gold and so much more loving than just ‘being part of the crowd’ because you want to fit in.

324. I can remember being a young man living and working aboard a yacht in Italy. I was studying for my Captain’s Licence at the time and not drinking at all for the months leading-up to my 2 hour oral examination with a British Master Mariner – for I knew this to be an intense and very testing experience to say the least. I walked into a bar to spend some time with friends, I had been there many times before and some of my crew quickly waved me over. One of the engineers offered to buy me a drink. I said ‘no, thank you’ and continued talking. He insisted and again I said ‘no’ firmly, with a smile and thanked him. In persisting that I drink with him, he purchased me a drink that I refused – which lead him to endeavour to win the point with physical intimidation, as he became agitated and perplexed over the matter. I know too well the pressures placed on us to drink alcohol and it’s great to read Steffen’s break-down of this most damaging, yet championed situation in the world.

325. Nice one Steffen. It certainly is better to say no to the unloving choices.

326. So true, Steffen. I found a lot of my friends became quite annoyed when I gave up alcohol. I used to drink a lot of wine, but chose to be more self loving with myself, when I was honest about how alcohol was affecting me. This offered a reflection that there IS a choice to be made and people don’t want to feel that, because deep down, everyone knows that alcohol is a poison in your body. Turning a blind eye is far more comfortable.

327. ‘Fitting in’ plays a huge role in making or not making self loving choices. It is so unfortunate that ‘fitting in’ is more important to many than living healthy vital lives.

328. I agree Steffen – I’ve had a lot of female friends saying that they often feel pressured by their friends to drink when they don’t actually feel like it so it would be great if we could support or at least accept choices like that when they are made and not feel we have to question them.

329. In my work place there was a fair amount of accommodation to various dietary needs, so sometimes a gluten and dairy free cake would be offered, specially cooked for the occasion. I fell into the feeling of pressure and still was a bit enticed on one occasion, and so took a slice … the sugar buzz was so uncomfortable I couldn’t finish. Once I shared how it was in my body the gluten sensitive cake baker admitted that it didn’t really feel good for her either. We just have to be honest to ourselves and others. Lot’s to reflect on in your article Steffen.

330. Thank you Steffen for writing this. It is so true that many people are “blinded” and “deafened” by what is accepted as a “social norm”. It is high time for us all to snap-out of this and start to look at what is really happening.

331. Saying “no,” to unhealthy choices is really a huge loving hug to yourself and your own self care. It’s about having more awareness for yourself and doing what feels right for you.

332. I found it relatively easy to say No to those things that were not supportive – but on occasion I would say No to ME and would rejoin the fray in those things that would harm me. It took some practice and time to really build a foundation that the NO was actually really YES to true health and me.

     1. Beautifully said Lee. By saying no to something that we know will harm us or make us feel bloated, lethargic or just not right, we are actually saying YES to true health – I love that! So for every No to something, there is a Yes to ourselves.

     2. A great point Lee, you have nailed it actually – in the end it is about saying YES or NO to YOU in each of these choices… in fact to every choice on a daily basis, not just food.

333. Could it be that saying No may just kick start a new rebellion, a rebellion that’s crying out for us to say No I’m not willing to just fit in anymore, I’m going to stand out

334. Steffen, life as many currently live it is crazy, it’s all about fitting in and not making too much of a fuss (I know I’ve been there and can still find myself there), yet as you say what exactly are we doing, we’d rather suffer that stomach cramp later so we can be liked now and not stand out. There’s an odd mix of both arrogance and neglect in this – we decide we can weather the consequences and we’ll recover later, and we neglect the one thing that truly tells us where we are, our body. How can this be right, and how insulting is it for both us and the other to decide we must fit in at all costs, rather than just being us, being honest about what we feel and letting another adjust / not as they need to. Surely this is a more true and honest relationship, anything less is just nice, and it’s fake.

335. Well said Steffen – the pressures from society and from ‘friends’ is huge – and it is so important to realise this so that when we do choose to make more loving choices, we know that we will likely be nudged or pushed in the other direction. It takes a lot of strength to not be pushed over, but with the real understanding of what our body needs, we are actually quite well equipped to make these changes and stick to them despite what others might say – and in the process we can also inspire another to make the needed changes themselves.

336. This paragraph made me laugh because I can relate to it so well.

     ‘Recently I also heard this one: ‘I know you do this healthy lifestyle thing now and do not drink alcohol but you can just have one glass with me and I will not tell anybody.’ Who needs enemies when you have friends like that!’

     I used to go out partying a lot when I was in my teens and at Uni. When I had tried drinking alcohol I realised it was poisonous to my body and it wasn’t worth it. I would turn bright, I mean bright, red from head to toe, my heart would pound so hard and fast I could feel it pulsating through my finger tips, my entire body and then discovered the next day I would develop a rash on my palms. This kind of reaction is from only 1 drink. I have thought, maybe I can build up my tolerance but decided to not risk it. I even at times of pressure wished that I was like everybody else, but I decided to say ‘NO’ to alcohol because I love my body. Friends and people I meet would try to convince me to drink even though I tell them I don’t drink and if they persist I tell I am allergic to it. I’ve never seen a doctor about this but that was my own diagnoses. They would say just have a drink so we can see what happens to you and then laugh. They have even said ‘Oh, I feel sorry for you’. I reply ‘I don’t, because I won’t get a hangover’ and that usually makes them realise what they will have to face in the morning. I guess my friends were uncomfortable with me not drinking because I am doing something they know they could be too, that is saying ‘NO’ to alcohol.

     1. Well done chanly88, “I decided to say ‘NO’ to alcohol because I love my body” such a simple statement but so powerful. It comes down to choice.

337. I agree Steffen, when I made some changes to my lifestyle for the betterment of my health and wellbeing it was amazing how many negative reactions I got! Saying no to alcohol is a big one that really pushes people’s buttons. It’s crazy that someone making a self loving choice is targeted this way but also very exposing for those who are not choosing this for themselves.

338. I used to find it quite difficult to say ‘no’ to unhealthy choices until I learnt to connect to my body and listen to its signals, which clearly deliver what is good for me and what is not, no matter what society might (still) deem ‘normal’. Who cares about normal when my health and wellbeing are on the line?

339. Beautiful expression Steffen, it’s a great feeling to say ‘no’ to what is treated as normal but we know feels horrible and yes to the truth we all know and are.

340. There are still times that I let myself pressure me especially in regard to the foods I eat, I say no to other people but it seems I need to be much firmer with myself! I have never had a problem where alcohol is concerned as I haven’t ever been a drinker only occasionally when I was younger and cigarettes weren’t my thing either nor drugs. So for me being honest about the effect the sugars in food are having on my health is the way to go, a much more loving choice for myself. Thank you Steffen for an interesting Blog.

341. When I started to stop eating gluten, dairy and sugar and changed a lot of other things in my life at the same time, many people around me were irritated, joked about it or tried to make me feel wrong, boring, etc..
     The strangest thing for them seemed to be that though I did not do this anymore I did not have any problems with all of them having cake and coffee next to me for example. Gradually things started to ease and my changes were accepted and sometimes even seen as an inspiration. At work the amount of coffee and sugar that were consumed by everyone in the office dropped rapidly ;o)

     1. Awesome – eventually healthy choices are noticed and inspire others – e.g. coffee and sugar consumption dropping in your office

        1. There is power in saying ‘No’ – Michael. In my office I am called ‘ a hippie’ because the choices I am making regarding what I eat and how I choose to structure my day and my comments in conversations are by colleagues interpretation ‘clean and good’. I am also noticing the powerful reflection that is happening for those around me and the internal cogs that are turning. The choices I am making now in my life expand much further than just me. Saying no has been much more than I could ever have imagined and my body is thanking me more and more every day.

     2. Michael, I don’t know how many people offered me sweets and cakes when I no longer felt the need for them, there was almost a desperation in it – “but you have to so I can”, sort of thing. Same happened with alcohol many years before, the fact that it made me sick so why would I drink it, was largely ignored by those pressuring me.
        A lot of changes have taken place in my workplace over the years as more are making more loving choices for themselves around food and drinks and in many other small but significant ways. We are all a lot healthier and get so much more joy out of our working day.

     3. Yes Michael I had a similar situation at work too. A lot of people at work would joke or say I was boring, but that never deterred me to change my choices for my own body. Everyone at work now drinks herbal teas and they all agree they feel better without the caffeine. So if we take responsibility and commit to our loving choices in regards to our bodies, it certainly can inspire the same in others.

342. Saying no to things your body doesn’t like is self loving and the best gift you can give to yourself

     1. Totally Joe, as much as my head sometimes thinks it knows better it doesn’t. My body is where the truth’s at.

343. Apparently, so I am told, I have become less tolerant in the last 10 years.
     What this person may be feeling is that I do not pander to them in the way I used to, I do not sympathise, rescue, put up with lengthy stories. I am far less likely to let people take advantage of me and I often say ‘no’.
     I have more energy and feel so much better in myself for this, and what’s more I am able to offer much more quality help when it is truly needed.

     1. It’s beautiful Elaine how responsive our bodies are to a loving choice as in saying ‘no’ to something that isn’t true for us at the time. I love how Steffen showed us that saying ‘no’ in this way is saying ‘yes’ to our love. There is a physical and energetic response in our bodies. This allows a ripple of relief in our bodies – eases the tension in our connective tissue and increases the flow of the higher vibration of energy – that is love – to flow throughout the fluid nature of our connective tissue – this is what is meant by ‘ building a body of love ‘.This is the quality that we move from and express from – what an inspiration for all others to feel and see – if another can be that – then we can be that too.

344. It’s better to say “No” and be a leader in your own life, than say “Yes” to what everyone else is doing. Most of the people we want to fit in with won’t visit you in hospital when all the unhealthy choices add up to ill health or disease. It seems crazy that people are bullied for making a loving choice for themselves, after all how does it really affect another? People must want others to do the same harmful thing to make them feel more comfortable in their own choices that they already know do feel wrong for them. There is a certain inner confidence that comes from feeling a choice is right for me, because of that I don’t need others to validate it by doing the same thing.

     1. Agree: ‘most of the people we want to fit in with won’t visit you in hospital’ 🙂

     2. Indeed Melinda, it is like wanting others to gain weight, so that you yourself can feel slimmer. It is so hard to feel when we override our true feelings or make choices that are not loving, that we need something to numb us away from this. Feeling how wrong that is, we need others to do the same, so that we can pretend that our choices were fine. This is so absurd

345. I was not very good at saying ‘No’ in the past in case it upset people, be it with joining people with food, drinks that don’t go well with me or doing something for/with them going against how I actually felt at times. Giving in to peer pressure and to keep peace I used to say ‘yes’ a lot more than I wanted to.
     Now, ‘No’ has become one my favourite words when it’s saying ‘yes’ to me! I have learnt that the more I am claiming in my body what is true for me and speaking from there, it is accepted very gracefully without any resistance. I feel before I held a resistance in my body for the changes I was making and so in return I got resistance from others around me and push to stay in my old ways in which they were used to and comfortable.

346. I like that Steffen, saying ‘No’ to the stuff that doesn’t support, and ‘YES’ to all the stuff that supports us to be the best we can be, for the sake of the body and all it can bring when in harmony .

347. You’ve said it – just how it is – Steffan. There would be a lot of people, had they the opportunity to read a simple and straightforward article like this, who may benefit greatly in raising their awareness to what they succumb to each week, month and year.

348. Koala Bears are a great example to humans, from the 600 odd varieties of eucalyptus trees, they only eat a few type of gum leaves, in some areas only one. They eat to support their bodies which is a natural instinctive choice, but most of us eat to comfort ourselves at the expense of our bodies which is not a natural choice. Saying No to things that harm us is a natural choice. How did it become anything but?

349. Great read Steffen and very true- society has made normal a convenience and not a truth. It it empowering to say no and to feel the loving response of the body when saying yes to a truly healthy choice.

350. People struggle so much with the fact that I do not choose to eat cake or drink alcohol anymore. It is literally like the world is coming to an end sometimes at work and I work in a hospital!.

     What I have come to see is that when we do something that is self-loving it reflects to another their choices and let’s face it a lot of people do not want to face the consequences of their choice.

351. Great blog Steffen. I have felt the pressure to fit in and align with others in regards to negative lifestyle choices. My body showed me how harming this was and when I actually started saying yes to me it was easier to let those harmful choices go.

352. A great topic to bring up for discussion Steffen, and I agree, ‘ saying ‘No’ to unhealthy choices is saying ‘Yes’ to yourself, ‘Yes’ to lovingly looking after your health and your body’.

353. The health systems in the west are about to collapse under the strain of physical and mental ill health, yet people indulge their eating and drinking at seemingly unabated rates. My awareness has increased as I have made changes to my lifestyle, and have found myself making all sort of observations similar to your comment, ‘I know you don’t drink anymore, but just have one with me this once’ It’s hilarious when you stand back and think about it. Thanks Steffan for a great read.

354. Ten years ago I was in a scene where heavy drinking and smoking was the norm and people around me were starting to drop like flies due to illness and disease related to these two killers. One of my best drinking buddies who was only the same age as me about 40 years old at the time died of complications after a fall. He had abused his body so much it wasn’t able to recover. Others dying in their fifties and early sixties due to the same type of unhealthy living. This was all accepted as the norm, nobody would say or think that this is where we were all heading, but we all knew. The reasons for the abuse and the numbing it served out weighed the end result. Fortunately for me Universal Medicine entered my life and I also adopt the slogan ‘It is time that we as humanity look at our choices, the consequences those choices bring and start to take responsibility for our own health.’

     1. It certainly brings it home when your friends and family members die due to taking drugs or excessive alcohol and no pun intended, it is quite sobering. The loss seems so unnecessary and such a waste, not to mention the pain that is left behind for their loved ones to live with, for the rest of their lives.

355. All of this is so true Steffen, especially the friend who won’t tell anyone, hilarious. As you wrote ‘It is time that we as humanity look at our choices, the consequences those choices bring and start to take responsibility for our own health.’ It would be great if this was the slogan of advertising, government health care departments, hospitals and other facilities; consistently asking people to look at what they are creating for themselves throughout heir food and drink choices.

     1. I like your new slogan:
        ‘It is time that we as humanity look at our choices, the consequences those choices bring and start to take responsibility for our own health.’ by Mark Payne

356. I just love the way you wrote this article Steffen, and that you have totally included all the pressures people can receive when making different lifestyle choices as to what is considered ‘the norm’. I also have experienced these comments, some truly condenscending and judging, and at times this was difficult to be with. However, as I connect more and more to my self and feel into the choices I make, I can just accept that is where some people are in this moment, and it does not mean I have to make the same choices just to ‘ fit in’. Now, quite some time later things are changing where people (and family members) are starting to ask me what I would like to eat or drink when they invite me, and I feel there is starting to be an acceptance of how I chose to live my life. Thank you Steffen, it is a great read.

357. Something I had written two years ago -> Australia Day is end of the month.
     So with all the warnings from WHO about Alcohol: ‘Is it still Un-Australian Not to Drink on Australia Day?

     1. Very true Steffen – somehow on these “big” events that are a “celebration” we excuse behaviour that we would not otherwise do, that we know is not good for us or that we know makes us sick – just because its what has always been done.

358. Steffen, thank you for the great article. I too experienced some of the societal pressure you describe when I stopped drinking alcohol. On occasion it amazed me how strong the reaction was from certain friends and family members when I told them I had stopped. With many, it seems to me, there is such strong comfort and habituated feeling of need when it comes to alcohol that they refuse to even consider that there may be another way. My amazing father died last year and liver failure was a contributing factor. Two years earlier he had been told by a hospital consultant that he must stop drinking because just one more scotch might kill him. But he continued. So much of his life, including mealtimes (not breakfast, thankfully), seeing friends, relaxing, celebrating, and so on, featured alcohol that he couldn’t imagine life without it. I also feel that he didn’t want to look at himself and take responsibility for the damage he’d done to himself. For him, despite the potentially (and later actual) fatal consequences, carrying on as before was easier than making new and seemingly hard choices.

     1. It is becoming harder to ignore the signs what our lifestyle and choices is doing to our health. Our own health, the health of family and friends and the heath of humanity is reflecting that it is time for a change.

359. Absolutely right Stefen, society is geared to encourage us to continue to engage in unhealthy and loveless choices – from the media and the glamorous and slick advertising (see alcohol drink ads for starters) to our friends and relations, that it’s no surprise that such a huge swathe of society are not feeling what certain drinks and substances do to the body.

360. It is becoming ‘normal’ to be seriously over weight but everyone knows this is not healthy. It is rather strange that to conform and ‘fit in’ so many are prepared to make themselves ill. Saying yes to feeling healthy and vital so it becomes my normal is a simple choice.

361. A great article to read Steffan. Society does encourage an unhealthy lifestyle and for many this is normal. To say ‘no’ can be a challenge and you are right when you say pressure builds from others when you make different choices, but feeling vital and healthy is a great result, so the saying ‘no’ is worth it.

362. Great blog Steffan, talking about advertising, I went to the cinema recently with my young grandson and the adverts which precede the film were almost as long as the film and it was mostly about unhealthy food or drink choices. It’s been so long since I went to the cinema I found it quite shocking.

363. Very true Steffan, I have found alcohol is the one people most resist and want me to conform to. Just the other day I was with some relations that know I don’t drink but said to some other people at the table that I was not drinking because I was driving…..they were making excuses for me not drinking rather than just saying I don’t drink. I clarified that it was not because I was driving that I was not drinking, and there was then a denial that they had known I did not drink .Crazy really. For me it is absolutely normal not to drink yet it is seen as abnormal by most of society.

     1. Yep alcohol is a big one and it seems they were making excuses for the fact that you choose a healthier way and Do Not Drink.
        Someone that does not drink often brings up guilt in others because they do not have the courage to choose this very wise way of life.

364. All extremely true Steffen. The intense pressure that society and the media put upon everyone to conform to the ways of drinking, smoking, drugs, over-indulging etc. is horrendous. The glamorisation of these self abusive techniques is having a huge effect on both adults and children; the age when kids start to consume alcohol and smoke cigarettes is just getting younger and younger.

365. There is so often no healthy choice available when stopping at rest areas or petrol stations, you can’t even buy an apple, or nuts that aren’t covered in sugar or salt. Why is this ? With all the obesity and diabetes what is wrong with us?

366. Great article Steffan the pressures to not make loving choices for oneself are certainly everywhere but the feeling of strength and honouring of oneself far outweighs these when we truly commit to ourselves and then can reflect another way.Thank you for bringing attention to this and the misery caused and held on to by those who do not make these loving choices for themselves and are looking for support in this.
     Serge Benhayon, his family and Universal Medicine are the inspiration for us all and are showing us the way to live in the world with true health and medicine.

367. ‘People feel so much pressure, some of which comes from and is perpetuated by the media, to continue to engage in unhealthy and loveless choices.’ I agree with this statement, and, if we were brought up to feel the energy in our food and drink, rather than believe what we read or see in the media, we would be able to make healthy choices right from the start. Could it be that our parenting and education need to change so that children can be allowed to trust their innate innermost wisdom above all else?

368. I agree Steffen that there is a huge societal pressure to participate in unhealthy practices simply because the majority do so. I know when I decided to stop drinking alcohol that the hardest part of the process was the social consequences, much harder than missing the taste or the effect of alcoholic drinks! For some strange reason initially my mates felt uncomfortable if I was in the pub drinking a soft drink rather than a beer. Why was that? I was still there and still talking to them! They are all used to it now as it has been many years since I drank alcohol but it still was interesting as it revealed this unsaid agreement or arrangement that we have all made to continue to do things that are clearly making us all very sick, without questioning why.

369. Love it Ariana. Bring on abnormal. Or even better lets make abnormal normal.

370. I like this blog Steffen especially the last sentence ‘saying ‘No’ to unhealthy choices is saying ‘Yes’ to yourself, ‘Yes’ to lovingly looking after your health and your body.’ So often we think that saying no to certain things means we are depriving ourselves, but actually it is about making a loving choice that our body says a big yes to. It makes a lot of sense.

371. What if saying no to cake/booze/late nights etc. actually inspired another to look after them selves and start to say no… what if it started a domino effect? Then you are not only supporting your own body, health and well being, but also those around you, including friends and family. Is it worth it?

     1. In my experience saying no does have an affect on others. At a workplace I used to work in, there were foods such as dairy, gluten and caffeine that I was choosing to no longer have. I never talked about this to people unless they asked. We had some new staff join our team, with whom I had never even had a conversation about food with. Later I heard that they were not eating bread and were cutting back on coffee because of me. It showed me that people who are looking for another way love seeing people who are making the choices that they too are feeling to make.

372. I recognise so much of what is written here and it almost feels like a past life when I too, drank alcohol to fit in and ate that piece of cake to appease its creator. I would often say, ‘ I only have it once in a blue moon’ as if just a little wouldn’t make any difference. Yet, as I cut down on many things, I realised that even small amounts do make a difference and in fact, I could actually feel the ill effects in my body even more so with even greater severity. Eventually, the pain or discomfort wasn’t worth it – not even once in a blue moon!

373. I recall about 10 years ago when I was trying out a vegetarian diet it was difficult to ask for a vegetarian option when I went out for a meal, but within a few years of that this became ‘normal’, and a few years ago when I chose to cut out gluten and dairy from my diet I found it similarly awkward, yet now it has become on many people’s radar and is catered for in many places. The perception of what is ‘normal’ and what is not is unfortunately heavily influenced by the advertising and propoganda that invested parties choose to put out in order to re-inforce people’s habits and to protect their interests. People are not left alone to feel what is right for them or not. Role models who are firm in their loving commitment to themselves and to everyone and say ‘no’ to what is abusive may not be popular but they are vital to reflect that it is possible to go there. From personal experience of having others provide this for me, I know that when this reflection is consistently provided, it is a matter of time before those who are looking will start to bring their own ship round. And slowly the ‘normal’ is re-defined.

374. Very true Ariana, saying ‘no’ at the right time is far more healthy than saying ‘yes’ in order to give in to pressure. And with so many people being very trapped by their need to tow the line and gain the approval of others, the response of the few people who are able to say ‘no’ really counts. Because one person saying ‘no’ makes it easier for the others who are hesitant, but also wish to go there to do so.

375. Yes it takes courage to say yes to yourself in a society that is seemingly focussed on activities that promote having ‘fun’ over and above anything else. I stopped drinking 8 years ago and can attest that I still have fun but now it doesn’t hurt me or my body for days after!

376. What a great blog Steffen, and I’m sure words that many people can relate to on some level. Thank you for putting it so clear, the pressure we all experience from young to fit in, the so called societal norms, and the struggles we can have when we say ‘no’ and sometimes stand out in the crowd as being different. As I am starting to feel, it is the different ones amongst us that bring about the truest of changes, and looking at the health and wellbeing of humanity on a global scale, change is certainly needed. So bring on the stand outs!

     1. I so agree Anna – life before Universal Medicine was about fitting in (even when rebelling) yet now I can see it’s about being true to what I know and feel inside. With a long time of fitting in it’s not an overnight change but most certainly a worthwhile one. As you say we all know change is needed.

377. When I started to say No to pressures and expectations from society on my choices in life it was quite challenging at first but when I felt the benefits to my health and well-being and daily life it was very confirming and strengthened me with this.

378. Great article Steffan. Learning to say NO to all the pressures to fit in can be challenging. As more and more people are finding true vitality and improved health by paying attention to how everything they put in their mouth affects them it is slowly changing. One day it will be the norm to ‘fit in’ by choosing to eat, drink and live in a way that is harmonious to our own body.

     1. I am looking forward to that day:
        ‘One day it will be the norm to ‘fit in’ by choosing to eat, drink and live in a way that is harmonious to our own body.’

379. Fab blog Steffan, I have definitely been ridiculed for making loving choices, which as you say does not make one iota of sense! Last NYE I went to a glamorous party and was proudly drinking mock tails until someone my partner knew from years ago ended up right next to us and made no bones about the fact that it was NYE and she would be getting wasted. She looked me up and down and sniggered about me not drinking. Well that on top of the fact that I thought I was in a classy place that turned out to be a sleazy place, resulted in me ordering a large glass of vino! Did I drink it because it made me feel good? No way! I drank it because me being true and honouring myself was not being accepted and that hurt too much for me to handle. So I drank a) to get her off my back b) to fit in c) to numb the pain of not being accepted for who I am ( by the girl or myself) and d) to numb the pain of me doing the things my body didn’t want me to do. Within an hour I was fighting with my boyfriend, crying. I was an utter mess! There is no doubt doing things my body doesn’t want me to do, just to fit in with society who as a whole are deeply sad, is not something my body will actually allow me to do these days and I love it and me for that. It’s such a shame this need to fit in drives the huge tidal waves of unloving behaviour which just keeps the whole downward spiral drilling down…. I for one can solidly say that by stopping that spiral, drawing a line and saying no to what does not make you feel good, feels amazing! Sure you get resistance from people to begin with but they get over it as long as you don’t impose your choices in them….

380. Steffan I recently had an experience of being at a lunch time celebration and everyone was drinking alcohol, now 8 years ago this would have been normal for me and I would not have thought it strange in anyway. Now when I socialise or celebrate we met and eat and share but there is no substances being used, this is now my normal, so when I was with people at this lunch of all ages drinking it seemed odd and weird that they were drinking. It is interesting how our range of what is normal can change so much and what we used to think was totally fine and acceptable is seen to actually being harming.

     1. I agree Vanessa, it feels like there is no truth to be found in normal. In fact isn’t normal used to justify what is not true?

381. It’s so true, Ariana. Society has a very harmful perception of ‘normal/acceptable’. If normal means to say yes to things that harm us – then I say a big fat No to being normal.

     1. Well said Ariana and Cheryl, saying ‘no’ to unloving and unhealthy choices is indeed saying a massive YES to myself and YES to what I am feeling. It is extremely empowering to listen to and honour what I am feeling rather than discount it.

     2. I’m coming to realise, James, that saying No is often the most self loving choice a person can make…

382. Hi Steffen, I agree and it is amazing to see that ‘fitting in’ socially can sometimes mean compromising an otherwise genuine and deeply felt relationship of self-care. Yet, as I have discovered, self-care is actually an act of social responsibility and not selfish at all.

     1. Thanks for the comment – I love your statement:
        “Self-care is actually an act of social responsibility and not selfish at all”
        Very true

     2. ….’that ‘fitting in’ socially can sometimes mean compromising an otherwise genuine and deeply felt relationship of self care’ – truly wise words Shami. When we look at it as our responsibility, it changes everything.

383. Yes Jane. “Normal”. Just dealing with one aspect of this – alcohol. How can it be normal to pour a chemical poison in to your body. How can it be normal to pour spoonfuls of dissolved sugar in to your body. How can screaming headaches and nausea be normal. How can stumbling around the streets be normal…how can zillions of hospital beds filled with alcohol related diseases be normal? How can domestic abuse fuelled by alcohol be normal….The list goes on…..society is lying to itself. The insanity of it is that our bodies are literally screaming at us to stop. When will be start listening and realise that “normal” is actually totally abnormal.

     1. I agree that there is another blog or several in this comment Otto. The truth is always there for us, and we all know it. However it is forever our choice how much of it we will embrace and live, and how much we will toss aside and remain blind to.

384. Great subject Steffen! I recently made contact with an old work mate through social media, he suggested we meet up for a beer but when I said maybe we catch up for a cup of tea as I no longer drink I instantly lost contact again. This was Ok as it exposed the depth of our relationship.

     1. Haha the cup of tea made them run 🙂

385. Thank you Steffen for sharing just how much pressure we are all under by society to fit into what “it” considers acceptable – even if it is one of the very things that we also know is killing us.

386. Isn’t it crazy Joan that a hospital shop is full of unhealthy snacks. Surely that should be the one place to start encouraging healthy options, particularly as the NHS is so overwhelmed with the amount of patients in the system. Great that you are in the shop though to offer a smile and love to all you meet.

387. I have just started working in the Friends of Hospital shop at the till and the majority of things sold are big bars of chocolate, sweets, biscuits, diet pepsi and pepsi, crisps, fizzy drinks and glossy magazines. This appears to be accepted as normal. I have also heard people saying, “I know I shouldn’t eat this,” and eating it anyway, as though admitting that somehow makes it OK. It seems many people DO know inside themselves what is healthy and supportive for their bodies, but the pressure you mention Steffen, is too great and they succumb. But the stuff is there for sale with very little healthy alternative, and this is in a hospital.This helps them to sustain the deception.

     1. Yes Joan it is a fact that unfortunately healthy food is not yet considered being an important part of the recovery and people would need especially when they are in the hospital.

        1. When you say “healthy food is not yet considered being an important part of the recovery and people would need especially when they are in the hospital.” This feels to me like a willful blindness on behalf of a medical profession that does know better. I say this not in judgement, we all know they are dedicated and do a wonderful job, but for the purpose of waking them out of it.

     2. I think you are right Joan, we all know what is not good for us, we just choose to ignore the fact that we know. It is actually insane for a hospital shop to sell all the harmful food and drink that you describe. I wonder how they reconcile trying to fix people’s illnesses etc whilst selling them the very products that cause many of this illnesses. Is this morally any different from a drug dealer’s way of operating?

388. It’s easy to say No to a shot glass of cyanide – a proven poison, but with a shot glass of alcohol (another proven poison) – people say yes. How crazy is that…? With alcohol, saying No is the only sensible choice I can make and will keep making. My body is thanking me for it 🙂

389. A brilliant article exposing the crazyness we live in. That it is acceptable to drink alcohol and take drugs to ‘fit in’! When reading this is made me think of how people find it really uncomfortable knowing others don’t drink, it is like if you don’t drink you are ruining their ‘fun’, if you did they would be okay! That tells me how uncomfortable they are with themselves and look on the outside to feel okay. This was also noted in the article you gave a link to “When one person in a social circle is sober, it seems to make drinkers uncomfortable”.

     1. I have never really enjoyed drinking alcohol, I was always more interested in health. I often felt how people around me were uncomfortable with me not drinking, they would try to get me to have a drink so it would ease their unease.
        Now, I categorically do not drink alcohol, there is no room for negotiation, it is much easier.

        1. I agree Lorraine – it is much easier when there is no room for negotiation. I remember when I was first saying no to things in my life that no longer felt right to me. At the start it seemed odd, going against the crowd etc. There can also be doubt and questioning of the change as it is often a very new way of being. And then when we truly feel why we are saying no and what we are actually saying no to it just gets easier and easier.

390. I love that Steffen; that saying ‘No’ to what is harming for our bodies, is actually saying ‘YES’ to lovingly looking after ourselves. To not eat certain foods is an easy choice once we feel how they make us feel – tired or bloated, racy and out of sorts. Saying no is not so hard to keep up when we have our body telling us we don’t feel so great.

391. Great Ariana. There are many people I talk to that think its normal to have some sort of debilitating condition as we age. How crazy is that!

392. Well said Steffen – I have heard soo many times from friends that ‘to be socially accepted and to fit in’ they could not possibly stop drinking alcohol. This is even after they have felt the effects of alcohol, have felt how it makes them feel the next day, have been made aware of all the scientific evidence showing how alcohol is damaging to the body. In my teenage years I always knew I felt worse especially the next day after having a drink or 2 or more, and so would repeatedly say never again and then find myself with friends out drinking, I would have cycles where I would not have any but these would never last. I knew how it effected me but continued to use alcohol to ‘fit-in’ with those around me. It was not until meeting Serge Benhayon and Universal that I was able to say no to alcohol, not because Serge said not to have any, he has never said that, but because I was given the opportunity to make more loving choices in my life and build more love in my body which then screamed out to me and said no more alcohol. The more love I build in my body the more it shows me what is supportive for it and what is not.

     1. I feel the first step is appreciation of myself. In the analogy of a car, if I really appreciate my car, I will take care to put the right fuel in, I will never thrash it around, I will service it – but if I don’t care, when my friends say lets try putting fruit juice in the tank or lets take your car to a bumper car event there is nothing to stop me.
        And the next step is slowly get myself into the habit of saying “No’ to what I realise is not in keeping with my appreciation.

        1. I love your analogy Golnaz as it is soo easily relate able, thank you for sharing.

        2. Golnaz I love your analogy and saying, ‘ “No” to what I realise is not in keeping with my appreciation.’

           In keeping with said analogy, the more I appreciate the cars I’ve had in my life the more I look after them and if they get a scratch or something it pains me to see it. I once had a car that got covered in tiny sprays of paint from some painters painting a house. Because I had such little regard for the car I didn’t even bother to say anything. I don’t think it even locked and I often had to get in through the window -classy!

        3. Odd isn’t it GolNaz, that we take care of the vehicle(car) that gets us from ‘a’ to ‘b’ in comfort, on relatively short rides but virtually ignore the vehicle (body) that gets us from birth to death – with the result that the latter ride is often very uncomfortable!

        4. Great point Catherine – ignoring and not caring for our body has the result that the later ride/life is often uncomfortable.

     2. Beautifully put James. I was the same for most of my life in fact alcohol was always the centre piece of any social gathering. A centre piece that I could not even imagine being unnecessary or that it was harming all involved, even though my body always informed me afterwards that it had done so. To say that it has transformed my health to quit alcohol seven years ago would be a huge understatement. It has made the difference between debilitating illness and a vital healthiness.

        1. It is crazy how we have made a ‘poison’ to be normal and not simply social acceptable rather in some instances socially unacceptable not to be drinking.

393. I have been inspired by the presentations of Universal Medicine to say No to life choices I was making, the food I was eating, how I cared for myself, the time I went to bed, to name but a few, from which my health vitality and how I am with people has changed and improved enormously.

394. I have experienced that pressure to drink, what I have found in saying no is that it creates a level of respect from the other person, even if this is not always voiced. I remember from the times when I drunk that I had a healthy respect for those who chose not to, I just didn’t know how to express it without being in reaction.

     1. Stephen I appreciate reading what you have written: that you had a healthy respect for those who did not drink at the time that you were drinking, but you simply didn’t know how to express it. I was contemplating on the fact that people when faced with someone making healthy choices, do tend to defend their unhealthy choices and it is often by quoting very dubious “scientific research”. But it seems that it is those who are defending their drink that tend to get more aggressive with their communication. Your comment has brought an understanding and appreciation. Thank you.

     2. Good point Stephen, on the whole I have been met with complete respect when I have refused alcohol and it has been really rare for anyone to attempt to persuade me to partake. I have sensed occasionally that someone wants me to join them in drinking, but again mostly they hold back form verbalising it.

395. I agree Annemarie, what sort of intelligence could think it cool to harm its own body! I feel for me it is a case of have I fully renounced something or not. If not, yes I can keep saying no, but there is always a risk that I could be swung round to a yes with some persuasion. On the other hand, for example with alcohol, seven years ago, although fairly addicted to it, I felt the huge harm it was doing to me and I said never will another drop pass my lips and since making that commitment to myself, I have never been bothered by any pressure from anywhere. I know I am completely solid and won’t waver.

     1. I agree Doug, I don’t feel my body would ever allow me to consume alcohol, gluten, dairy or chocolate again, my throat just ‘closes up’ at the thought of them. And while I know people who apply the ‘just the odd one won’t hurt’ philosophy to their own lives no one has ever pressured me. I feel people know deep down how some foods are harmful, and while they may not want the responsibility of taking it on board in their own lives, more and more they respect the choices of those who choose not to eat them.

396. Great article Steffan. Thank you. It really is crazy how society champions hugely destructive behaviour with many wearing it as a badge of honour believing that causing harm to your body is cool, free and liberated. I have experienced some pretty huge backlashes recently with friends to the point of aggression defending their choices. While I allow everyone to make their choices without judgement or imposition it’s interesting to see how others insist on imposing their behaviours when you choose differently. ‘Gone on have a glass of wine, I won’t tell anyone’ is one I’ve heard quite a few times. Thanks for exposing the insanity and ridiculousness of it all.

397. Great article, Steffen. To this day I still get quizzed as to when I’ll be ‘able to drink alcohol again’, as though I’m restrained by doctor’s orders from a divine right when in fact I’ve merely listened to my body and made a choice for myself based on what I know to be true in my body. It’s as though the reflection I bring in not drinking makes others feel uncomfortable – an unsolicited prick of conscience – and they’re keen to get me back on ‘their side’, their terms, so that normal service can be resumed.

398. I loved the feel of this article Steffen, simple, straight forward and to the point no nonsense. I personally was cut out majorly by a group of friends that just couldn’t cope with the loving choices I was making but also old friends remained and were supportive. Apart from all the health benefits life is so much simpler when you cut out alcohol and drugs.

     1. Yes Kev the fear of being cut out by friends keeps some away from making loving choices.

399. In the past, I have felt some of that pressure and condemnation you speak of Steffen, from my family.
     Just by my consistently saying “No”, they now accept my choices and I sense a hint of some changes for the better in them.

400. It’s a great re-read Steffen. Not that long ago, smoking was more acceptable and although some people still choose to smoke today, it has become generally more unacceptable to smoke in the company of non smokers or indoors in most societies. As more of us choose to be non alcohol drinkers, society will see a different reflection and maybe more people will make another choice to turn the fashion on alcohol too.

     1. Yes Gill and unfortunately humanity is only at the stage of looking at alcohol – accepting food choices will be the next one …

401. I have come to learn that saying ‘No’ feels so good in my body. However it is not so much that I have said ‘No’ to the food, drink, thought, emotion, another person, my own demands on myself but that I have said ‘Yes’ to ME. I am worthy of the ‘No’! Thank you Steffan for exposing the craziness and inconsistencies of our behaviours.

402. An amazing blog, I can really relate. I had a meeting with the careers adviser at my school, about university choices etc, and the whole conversation became her trying to convince me to go to university for the partying and the socialising, because somehow if I didn’t go I would be missing out! And when the amazing social life I could have didn’t instantly change my mind, she asked if i was an antisocial person! Our culture perpetuates drinking and partying and “letting our hair down” – it is encouraged now at school, as a way to recover from working yourself silly.

     1. Crazy trying to convince students to go to University for the partying and if you don’t join in you are antisocial.

403. I’ve noticed how at work when I have repeatedly said no thank you to the countless offers of donuts, birthday cake, fresh coffee, etc. there is a feeling from those indulging in those foods of “Hey, what do you think your doing here rocking the boat and being different?” But really, their bodies are saying, “Yes, yes, please follow this guys lead and put the coffee and donut down!”

404. I can very much relate to what you have written in this article Steffen.

405. Changing the norm and not bowing down to pressure from society by honouring oneself lovingly in ones choices must be the first step in making a change in the world.
     As more of us do this, Wow, what a reflection that is and paves the way for others who would really like to do the same but don’t want to be different and not fit in.
     Thank you Steffen a great Blog

406. Thank you for your blog Steffen – it is truly mind boggling how as a society lifestyle-related illnesses such as the ones you have mentioned are on the increase, and yet people who go against the trend and wish to look after themselves are ridiculed as being ‘abnormal’ or weird

407. The pressure of ‘the norm’ is certainly something all of us have felt! We’ve all helped create a society in which if we make more loving choices, we’re seen as ‘weird’! And I can assure you when my parents stopped drinking alcohol about 9yrs ago, I though they were ‘weird’ too.
     But I was judging them on not fitting in, rather then knowing the effect of alcohol, and actually how amazing it feels to not drink it. So my opinion of people who do drink is no longer out of judgement, because they have yet to feel how amazing saying ‘yes’ to more love can be.

408. It is incredible that loveless choices have become the accepted and protected norm…but it is true. The question now is what will we do with it, how long will we go along with everything that feels so wrong?

409. A pressure I feel from some of those around me (Not everyone) is the feeling of ‘why bother’, blaming others for how we feel is made to be perceived as something that is OK to do like alcohol and drugs, it is accepted and very few challenge it. By not saying No I have been saying Yes to the ‘It’s OK to be irresponsible’ game. The truth is it is that my situations and health are a result of MY choices and no one else.

410. I also can relate to the pressures of family and Christmas festivities, where I have felt the odd one out or the party pooper. My feeling is that it makes others uncomfortable about the choices they are making by me choosing something different. I often say that I really respect and don’t mind their choices, so please will they respect mine.

     1. I relate to your comments Gill about the pressures of family and Christmas festivities and used to feel the party pooper but as I became more comfortable with my choices, they seemed to feel less threatened and accepting. Great article Steffen.

411. I can relate to having felt this pressure to eat or drink certain things to fit in or being told I need to in order to have a good time! I’ve also found that staying with what I feel is true for me inspires others to re-assess what feels true for them, not because they feel judged by me but because they can see that it is possible to honour your body and still be sociable and have fun!

412. I find these pressures socially are the result of momentums….peer upon peer, pressure upon pressure until a gap in the so called market is formed requiring branding and an agency to step in and support. The result as you have described is the complete ignorance of what’s going on inside. The reality is our insides are demanding we listen, the pressure of disease and illness is building up, and peer by peer people are listening and stepping up. Just reading through all of these comments and realising this is the tip of the iceberg of people making loving choices gives me a great appreciation for the shift in momentum that is occurring. Now it is our individual responsibilities to keep it going…

413. Saying ‘No’ is a big step towards a healthier life. It takes courage to say no to family and friends. There is the risk of offending them if they have made an effort to cook something that you have already said no to. Some people can be very tenacious about offering you a drink when you have already declined. However, I have also found that many people understand and it becomes an opportunity to present them with a reflection that health and well-being is arrived at by the choices we make.

414. “Saying ‘No’ is definitely a more healthy choice than giving in to the pressure of peers to persist with an unhealthy lifestyle. Indeed, saying ‘No’ to unhealthy choices is saying ‘Yes’ to yourself, ‘Yes’ to lovingly looking after your health and your body.”
     Yes, Yes, Yes! Completely agree Steffen, thank you for this very exposing blog on how society thinks about lifestyle choices and how far off the mark we really are.

415. Thank you Heather this is a great article, many many of us experience resistance from friends and family when we present a healthy way of eating. For years my way of eating has been frowned upon by those close to me, this has gradually changed as my vitality has been obvious and they have had to admit it is doing me the world of good. I can see that my healthy eating has left them to question there own eating habits.

416. I’ve been on various diets for so many years that my friends now say things like, “What are you eating these days?” rather helplessly, and I also find that some people do not understand which foods are gluten, and even dairy. But they are becoming much more tolerant as they see my health and well being improve. The more we claim healthy foods for ourselves, the more others will become used to the idea that it is really not so strange, and start to question the accepted foods on offer by the food industry.

417. Beautifully said Steffen. I have experienced this pressure from friends and colleagues when I have made healthy choices for myself. The more I do it the more I get used to claiming what feels right for me. They probably see me as weird, but so be it!

418. Steffen, you present so clearly how ridiculous the pressure is for us to conform to ‘normal’ behaviour that we know is not good for us. It might be hard sometimes to say no but it is certainly worth it.

419. Thanks for this Steffen. Yes, isn’t that crazy, as Jonathan stated? Making loving choices can reflect back to others how unloving they are with themselves, which they don’t want to feel. As I have become more consistent with my choices over the years, my friends no longer try to persuade/tempt me.
     Initially some asked me ” what are you not allowed to eat now?” I soon realised that I had imposed – on myself – to follow an offering that had been made re food choices, rather than feeling for myself what my body needed. In so doing I had imprinted completely the wrong way of going about making changes, and this was reflected back to me for quite a while as I re-imprinted and ensured that friends now knew it was because I felt/ feel so much better without these harmful substances in my body. A big oops. I love your last sentence; “Saying ‘No’ is definitely a more healthy choice than giving in to the pressure of peers to persist with an unhealthy lifestyle. Indeed, saying ‘No’ to unhealthy choices is saying ‘Yes’ to yourself, ‘Yes’ to lovingly looking after your health and your body.”

420. It is so ludicrous that society, friends and loved ones profess to support and love us but when we actually choose to make loving choices for ourselves, instead of supporting us they attempt to undermine us.

     1. It is interesting to watch how making more self loving choices can make some family or friends feel uncomfortable as it brings up their discomfort of their own choices. It does become easier for them to target the one making the self loving choice rather than look at their own choice about food, drink, bed time etc and feel if it supports them or not.

421. Thank you Steffen. I can certainly attest to the power of saying No. Being able to stand and say no I have witnessed fundamental changes in my life as a result.

422. Thankyou for a great article, Steffan. It never fails to surprise me how people, who on knowing my food choices, still offer me alcohol, gluten, dairy, chocolate etc, with phrases like ‘just a this once won’t hurt’,’ I made it for you’ A little bit of what you fancy does you good’ and ‘go on, enjoy yourself’. Society really does like us all to conform, but slowly we are showing that you don’t need to eat and drink what your body doesn’t want in order to be vibrant, healthy and playful. In fact it’s the opposite!

423. Thank you Stephen for writing about the pressures out there in the world wherever we turn. It is so beautiful to now be part of a group of people whose true healthy loving choices as a way of living are showing a break from these pressures and reflecting a simple way to be in the world that is amazing and available to all.

424. No is such a powerful word, and gets easier to say each time we use it.

425. Thank you Steffan for writing about the society we live in that puts so much pressure on us to conform, especially in the food and drink industry. There is no discernment of what is true for us to eat, only what satisfies our most immediate needs. Saying a firm no with no need to validate the reason why is very empowering. I used to think that I had to validate all the no’s just to ‘soften’ the impact of saying no, yet all I did was weaken my absoluteness of saying no, and leave an opening to change what I had felt.

     1. I agree Alison, I used to feel guilty and awkward at saying no especially to food and alcohol and have some sort of explanation why – like you have said “soften the impact of saying no”. How crazy is that.

426. Thank you Steffan for sharing your observations and experiences. This exposes how there is a pressure on us from how the majority of people live and especially at particular celebratory events. There are times its easier to listen to another and say yes to to either fit in, be liked, be polite the list goes on, rather than to ourself which is far more important as it is our body that suffers the consequences and we have to drag around when it doesn’t feel so great! It would be like putting the wrong fuel in the car one night and then just being willing to accept, as well as expecting our work colleagues to understand, we can’t drive to work the next day! I find the easier it becomes to say No to these moments the easier it is to say Yes to me.

427. Could not agree more, Steffen. Everywhere I look I see things that are put in place to make people say ‘yes’ and doubt their choice to be themselves, whether it’s the makeup that comes with a magazine to remind you that wearing makeup makes you prettier, or the magazine itself with the front cover featuring a woman so obviously uncomfortable with her body that her eyes tell wonders to the reader how sad she really is, to tell people that being skinny is ‘beautiful’ and that this is what every woman should look like.

428. Thank you Steffen for bringing to our attention to something that in general is taken for granted and accepted as the norm. And yes, “Indeed, saying ‘No’ to unhealthy choices is saying ‘Yes’ to yourself, ‘Yes’ to lovingly looking after your health and your body.”

429. Thank you Steffen, I can certainly relate to this topic, and have experienced pressure from family to not be healthy and to not make good choices for myself, as it is a bit odd to do so (especially in Ireland for some reason!). It has felt as if they were waiting for me to slip up so that they could feel better about themselves and the choices they were making. But over the years they have become more curious for themselves, and my dad has just recently given up dairy, so it is never too late.

     1. Hi Janet, thank you for sharing this, I am very inspired by your dad making the choice to stop eating dairy.

430. Thanks for exposing the Truth Steffen, about all the pressures on us in society. I used to have great difficulty saying no, especially to family and friends. The more I do it, the easier it becomes to claim my voice and say a firmer NO with conviction. It is powerful, saying YES to myself at last.

     1. Love how you’ve expressed this Gill!

     2. It’s so powerful, saying yes to yourself Gill. For years I went along with the crowd, eating and drinking stuff I didn’t really want, to fit in, not be noticed, be nice. No one learns from that, that they can make choices too.

431. Really great article, thank you.

432. Thank you sincerely Steffen for talking about this unhealthy pressure that we ALL feel and some of us albeit the minority for now are standing up and saying NO.
     Reading your article brought up a memories for me about drinking alcohol to block out my miserable life at that time.
     I felt pressure to drink alocohol and ugly as this sounds, I felt ‘less’ as I could not keep up with my friends who could drink copious amounts and keep going and I would be throwing up or unable to stand up.
     That two letter word for me holds enormous power – No. Those who know me today would agree I stand up for myself and say No all the time.
     I never fail to say No when I mean No.

     1. My heart sings to hear your words “I never fail to say No when I mean No.”…because I know I what the opposite is like…and I know I am on my way to being that strong with that very self loving word “NO”.

433. Great article Steffen. In the beginning saying ‘No’ to family or friends wasn’t easy but what I have found is the more you do say No the easier it becomes to stand by that ‘No’ and then they start to feel your conviction.

     1. I agree Tim, I too found it hard in the beginning to say ‘No’ to family and friends but gradually they have accepted me not drinking alcohol, I mainly wanted to fit in. The more I let go of that and the more forthright and strong in myself about not drinking alcohol the less pressure I felt to say Yes. I used to hold an arrogance, a judgement – why would they want to drink, which I am sure they could feel but now let them do what they want to without judging them even in my head!

434. A very lovely account of many peoples experiences when making positive lifestyle changes that are simply necessary for their health.

435. Society definately has a role to play in influencing our choices re alcohol consumption. Hopefully the harmful effects will be made more public.
     I recently attended the Annual women’s Health update in Melbourne for GP’s, nurses.
     Prof. Ian Olver talked about Alcohol, Women and Cancer New Understandings.

     *Alcohol consumption in Aust. is in the top 30 out of 180 alcohol consuming nations.
     *Cancer Council Aust. estimates 2,182-6,620 new cases of cancer (ca) in 2009 were attributable to longterm chronic use of alcohol.
     *Ca was 1 of top 5 causes of alcohol-attributable deaths in Aust. in 2005.
     *1988 International Agency for Research on Cancer classified alcohol as a Group 1 carcinogen for Ca mouth, pharynx, larynx, oesophagus, liver, female breast, and colorectum.
     *Ca risk is increased because of the ethanol, irrespective of the type of alcohol.
     * Ethanol in alcohol coverts to acetaldehyde which damages the DNA in cells.
     *Increased oestrogen levels are associated with breast ca.
     * Alcohol alters folate metabolism, affecting cell function.
     *The more alcohol consumed over time, the higher the risk of Ca.
     *Smoking and alcohol together are risk factors for 75% head and neck Ca.
     *There is no threshold or safe limit of alcohol consumption and ca risk.
     *It is recommended that in pregnancy and breastfeeding not drinking alcohol is the safest option.

     1. My Dad was diagnosed with Cancer 7 or 8 years ago which made him stop drinking alcohol and that was a big step for him. However, my sister who was diagnosed with breast Cancer hasn’t managed to stop yet so she is still drinking wine or champagne. I can feel how difficult this can be especially in France where the drinking culture is so strong.

     2. Wow Loretta – this is good scientific evidence for not consuming alcohol and yet so many of us ignore the scientific evidence and continue to drink. Alcohol has been part of our culture for thousands of years, and many people believe it is ok in moderation, but does that make it good for our health? Many of us are now conducting the great scientific experiment of living an alcohol-free life and finding many benefits. Who knows, it may catch on and become the norm.

     3. Thank you for sharing your research Loretta – I can’t believe that despite being proven as a carcinogen there are not widespread awareness campaigns or at least it being a part of the curriculum that alcohol causes cancer. Not only is this not the case, alcohol is encouraged in society to fit in

436. Thanks Steffen, that is really clear and it’s astounding how blind people can be to such obvious truths… like they have been brainwashed into destroying themselves. If i may add an example where my husband and i were at a ball a few years ago and someone we knew was being very pushy with us drinking wine. Once we said no many times and had soda with a dash of lime in our wine glasses, he finally left us alone. The guy next to him was a close friend of his, had a glass of wine already and had said no to any more but eventually gave in. Then, as the pushy one was pouring the glass of wine for his friend, he said “I would really like to stop drinking, but i just can’t” and then kept pouring wine for himself and his friend all night and the friend drank it, obviously unhappy he was drinking it all. Both these men very astute businesspeople, very well known in their fields and super high income earners. I am sure they would have to be very strong in saying NO in business dealings to have come this far financially. It exposes how strong the hold of alcohol and all that goes with it is.

     1. Great blog Steffen, thankyou. Although I haven’t had alcohol for over 7 years now, and family know this, I felt the pressure to have a drink to toast a baby at an event earlier this year! I responded that I would toast him with water. This didn’t go down well! I also didn’t join in the bagels and cream cheese provided as a celebration, again ( subtly) not approved of!

        1. It is almost seen as being rude or uneducated! same pressure with colleagues who sees me as a boring person if I don’t join in!

        2. Should you accept to go with them in a pub, there is also that culture of buying rounds which again, the pressure is huge if you don’t join in and stay with your glass of water!

        3. Good for you Sue. Your presence, standing in your love and truth, was all the toast that baby needed!

437. It’s so true that many people pressured by family, friends and a constant bombardment by the media continue to take the usual path and indulge in alcohol, junk foods, soft drinks etc. Most don’t even question this way of living. It’s seen as ‘normal’.
     Fortunately I had a huge moment of realisation a while back, that I only wanted to eat things that provided nourishment for my body. I now can look at chocolate and easily resist its previously tempting lure, simply because I chose to see and accept it holds NO nourishment. Best of all, I have see the excess kilos disappearing – without the pain of dieting!

     1. What a great way of looking at it, Judy thank you. Having what is truly nourishing for the body, so simple.

438. Just great Steffen, I really enjoyed reading this. And yes it’s so true, we really have things upside-down where it’s considered ‘normal’ to say yes to something which hurts or abuses our body so that we fit in or the other feel ok, and yet our body has to wear the consequence after, how crazy is that. And yet as James shared earlier, slowly as people write and talk about this, it will change. Thanks for your lovely clear contribution to this.

439. Loved reading this piece and I say ‘Yes to myself’, more and more these days. I have been dairy free for 8 years now and the Christmas just gone my aunty was making entree and had used yoghurt. Her comment was ‘oh I thought you could eat natural yoghurt’. When has natural yoghurt ever been dairy free? So yes the pressure to come back into what is seen as normal, back into the fold, definitely continues from those close to us and from society.

440. I agree Steffen, it is crazy when society is more accepting of us when we engage in activities that have adverse effects on our bodies, than when we make more loving supportive changes for our bodies.

441. I enjoyed reading this Steffen – thanks for posting this blog.

442. Thank you Steffen – I fully agree it is harder, at least it appears harder at times to say no to something I/we know is not good for myself/ourselves than it is to say yes, give into the ‘pressure’ with the body suffering the consequences.
     Slowly as more and more people claim what they feel in their bodies and get inspired by articles like yours the tide will turn and I know one day it will be normal not to abuse our bodies – not to drink or eat substances that harm us. It will be ‘normal’ and socially ‘acceptable’, let’s go further and say socially ‘required’ to be loving and make loving choices towards ourselves. After all we all benefit.

443. Great point you make Steffen, it is INSANE that we as a society are so proud of this kind of harmful behaviour. I don’t judge other people for drinking alcohol if that is their choice. My choice is to not drink it. I have no problem whatsoever saying “no” to alcohol and all the other poisons that society seems hell bent on shoving down my throat. However, I can understand how difficult it is for young people and those who are starting to make more loving choices to withstand the pressures of their so called friends and that is certainly a disgraceful state of affairs and not something for any society to be proud of.

     1. ‘It is INSANE that we as a society are so proud of this kind of harmful behaviour’; great point Nicola, it is indeed extremely odd how much these behaviours are glamorised and positively advertised by society and the media.

444. People do feel threatened when one of their social circle decides to stop drinking alcohol. It appears that they feel they are being exposed or embarrassed because another makes a choice that they can’t make. So instead, they try to avoid that person.

     An acquaintance I knew who worked as a rep in the liquor industry (calling on publicans each day) had an alcohol related health scare. He knew I had stopped drinking alcohol and although he wanted to stop he said it was difficult because it was part of his job. I suggested he say to the publicans he was having an alcohol free day (and continue to do so every day). He did so and it worked for him…for a while.

     He went back to old habits and about a year later ended up in hospital in a serious condition.

     1. I can feel how much pressure there is especially in France where I come from. Brittany is where any excuses are good to go for a beer, a bottle of wine etc… They also like to blame it on the weather! Brest is also renown for a high suicidal rate… People like to blame it on the weather, I would say the alcohol, even in a small amount is largely part of it.

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