A Letter from Paul

by Paul Moses, Newrybar, Australia

I am a very fortunate man. On a daily basis I get to meet many people through my antique shop in Newrybar, a small town in the Northern Rivers region of Australia, which has become a destination for many.

This was not the case in the recent past times; to me people were an annoyance and a frustration that I had to deal with while earning a living in retail. What an arrogance I lived in, or in truth existed in and with.

This past came to an abrupt halt when, three years ago my heart finally had enough of this very existence and started stopping, missing beats and finally fibrillating as if it was choking from holding something back and all life, vitality, drained from my body. This was truly scary. My arrogance was confronted by the fact that life could be taken away, that it was not mine as such to be misused as I had.

Lying in an emergency cardiac ward had never been my intention, however I clearly knew all my choices for 53 years had led me to this very place and those choices, whether I thought them good or bad, I had to review them all.

With the help and patience of my partner Anne Malatt, who had learnt a method of placing her hands on my kidneys, her hands were so beautiful and warm compared to my body and somehow she was able to pass on to me a life that my body lacked. This allowed me to at least lay and move around with less fibrillation, but more so it brought up some huge issues. I was becoming reliant on and loved these moments, but had abused Anne for many years in her very seeking to learn this bodywork at Universal Medicine. My body was starting to tell me a truth that my mind never did and had never allowed.

Struggling for months, I realised that life was never going to be the same. I sought help from Neil Ringe, an acupuncturist, now practising chakrapuncture whom I had known and trusted for many years. To be honest I was never sold on acupuncture, but I was on Neil. Our sessions were scary and amazing all in one; there was definite change for the better, and for the first time I started to feel the dis-ease of my body.

I learnt that I had to remain present in all that I did; this I learnt in attempting to cook. I had always enjoyed food, but even had trouble eating at this stage. I could not walk for more than 20 metres, I could not work, watch TV, read, or anything, really, without going into fibrillation. I needed a purpose, so I put a stool in the kitchen and prepared to cook for myself and family. This was easier said than done; moving around and picking up a stool or saucepan was a recipe for fibrillation and so I would flop on the stool or plain end up lying on the floor until I could collect myself and start again.

After days of this I’d had enough and I reached a point where I moved a pot and remained consciously present with me and my movement. This was something new and not easy; however what was amazing in this state was that I did not experience fibrillation.

I knew I had to go further and my body showed the way. I emailed Serge Benhayon (Anne had to write the letter for me) and asked for his advice, the person whose work I had so many issues with. Serge answered promptly as always with what was needed, as if coming from a part of me that I was still learning to listen to. He agreed to see me as Anne had offered me her appointment in two month’s time. In the meantime I had lots to work with.

I started to more and more listen to my body. With food, I had been vegetarian for 20 years and now started to eat meat. I started to feel why I ate food and what state it left my body in. The changing of sleeping patterns and going to bed at 8.30 pm was a must. And I practised a gentle breathing exercise or meditation; this I did for five to ten minutes up to four times a day. I would breathe in gently to find myself and breathe out gently to show the world myself. Within a short time breathing in my body seemed to become more expansive and my breath would go to a deeper state of awareness of me. I became aware of a deeper pulse I had behind my physical heart (this pulse I now know as my impulse). When I am consciously present with this pulse my heart lungs body and life are in the rhythm of me – my true self.

I had met Serge 12 years earlier- I did not realise what a missed opportunity at the time. On meeting Serge 12 years later all I had gone through seemed a blessing and it was. We talked of loving oneself, of being one self and the fact that in essence we are all love. He passed on an inspiration of a way of life that I now live with.

I now walk in my impulse and live in love. I still have times when I am confronted with issues and revert to old habits, but always choose to return to that which I now know I am: love.

During a day I meet and work with the most amazing people, the same people that not long ago annoyed and frustrated me.

Each week I have people come to me and ask what I have done. They say I have changed so much and that I am an inspiration for them. I was inspired to be; now I inspire to be.

379 thoughts on “A Letter from Paul

  1. I loved reading this Paul, thank you for sharing how you have changed your life simply by committing to being present in each movement, and to breathing gently: ‘I would breathe in gently to find myself and breathe out gently to show the world myself.’ Focusing on our breath is so simple and straightforward, it’s actually amazing how difficult it is to do this, when we first start. The propensity of thoughts to come in and take over can be pretty strong, but slowly, with solid commitment, things start to change and our bodies start to accept and remember this forgotten feeling of expansiveness.

  2. ‘I would breathe in gently to find myself and breathe out gently to show the world myself.’ so simple and a great way to be with our breath.

  3. “Serge answered promptly as always with what was needed, as if coming from a part of me that I was still learning to listen to.”

    I love how you have expressed this line Paul. We each have access to our Soul and while we may not be in direct and consistent communication with it, we are able to sense something in the voice or movements of another who is that is so deeply familiar we know in that instant that we also have the same access if we but make the choice and the necessary adjustments to allow this voice to be heard.

  4. “I reached a point where I moved a pot and remained consciously present with me and my movement. This was something new and not easy; however what was amazing in this state was that I did not experience fibrillation.”This is a great example of the power of conscious presence, being present in everything we do. The Gentle Breath Meditation is a huge support for this too. Thank you for sharing how something like fibrillation can completely change with such a simple change in our behaviour.

  5. Well done Paul “I was inspired to be; now I inspire to be.” And I guess that’s the point when we do sometimes reject what is offered by Serge Benhayon – it is a blessing and a joy but also it carries a big responsibility we shy away from. But I found for me, I am shying away from it while I am not choosing and living it. The moment I choose to take and live who I am, the responsibility of it is a blessing and not a burden at all.

  6. This made me smile Paul; ‘During a day I meet and work with the most amazing people, the same people that not long ago annoyed and frustrated me.’ Coming from love changes our perspective on everything and everyone.

    1. This is so true. It is just as simple as that – the energy with which we choose to align and everything else from then on unfolds from that one choice. It is our choice to live Love or not, that is the fundamental factor at the bottom of everything in life we ever face.

  7. What gorgeous understandings you have shared with us Paul. It goes a long way to explaining the prevalence of heart disease in our world, still our biggest killer. En masse, we are quite shut down to ourselves and others it would seem – and to the notion that we are love.

  8. “I was inspired to be; now I inspire to be.” This is a profound awareness that we are all here to support each other to be who we truly are.

  9. Through your own responsibility and choices you are indeed a fortunate man Paul; it is beautiful the way in which you appreciate this in yourself, thank you.

  10. Thank you Paul for sharing on a topic that is so prevalent in this day and age and one of the major causes of death in our current world – heart disease. How great is your sharing Paul of knowing that you were not living life to its fullest, and taking the steps to seek support so that you could continue to live the life of vitality and love you know today. A very inspiring read for everyone and a great point of understanding and opportunity for learning for those in a similar situation.

  11. Thank you Paul for sharing your story, much of which I can relate to. I have noticed over the years that when you start to build a loving relationship with yourself, this then translates to how you are and see others, and then they are no longer annoying but fascinating.

  12. Yes indeed, Paul. I used to find people frustrating more often than not and lacked patience very often when they didn’t want to see things the way I thought they should. It turned life around completely when I started to realise that there was a joy possible in every connection and I was choosing to not allow this joy and instead making things miserable for both myself and others.

  13. I loved reading your blog this morning, it felt so natural and real with lots of space. ‘I became aware of a deeper pulse I had behind my physical heart (this pulse I now know as my impulse). When I am consciously present with this pulse my heart lungs body and life are in the rhythm of me – my true self.’, so beautifully expressed.

  14. Thank you Paul for honesty and humble sharing, it just goes to show we don’t have to pretend and be in control all the time. Bringing it be back to self care, self love is the key to a healthy way of living. It is not complex, it is a choice to choose love for oneself first.

  15. A telling article that shows what lengths we will and our body will go to for us to see the truth of what is before us. We are constantly hit with thoughts that we have missed something or are missing out on something when, as is said here, everything is part of a bigger cycle and picture. At times we need to bring things back to one to learn or become clearer in what is going on and then we go back out, no different I guess to breathing. A lovely article that doesn’t bring in a drama in what is a pretty scary situation, instead we are presented with how to move out of anything we feel is similar that is going on for us. A story of one that is for us all.

  16. So simple when we just listen to our body and build up our own connection with it, it tells us all we need to know, and we naturally then know what to do and how to do it.

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