by Dr Anne Malatt MBBS, MS, FRANZCO, FRACS
The wonder-fully inspiring account of this can be read elsewhere on this website. I just felt to balance it with the other side of the story.
The surgery itself was an amazing healing.
I felt wonderful for a few days afterwards and lay on the couch allowing my family to look after me and feeling the grace of it all.
As my body started to heal, my mind started to play tricks.
I did not deserve to care for myself and be cared for; I was needed here there and everywhere; I started to feel empty because I was not “doing” anything… all my old thoughts and patterns started to rear their ugly heads and demand my attention.
The tension was too much for me.
Instead of going deeper, feeling the stillness and beauty and grace within me, allowing myself to feel that I am enough as I am, and don’t need to do anything to be loved, I got up and moved.
I went places where I thought I was needed, and then I went back to work.
I love my work, but I am not what I do. The funny part was that the minute I got there, I felt that, but by then it was too late – there were 20 people booked in to see me that day, and 20 more the next.
By the end of the first day I was very tired and sore, but I did not feel able to cancel the next day.
By the end of the next day, I started to bleed. All that movement, all that pressure I was putting on my healing body, was too much and it had to be released somewhere. My leg, which was supposed to be up, blew up, into a huge haematoma. Now I was in pain.
All that lovelessness, all that disregard, all those years of putting others before myself, of not listening to my body, of over-riding what I did feel, see and hear, of pushing through pain, tiredness, sadness…all came to a head, in my left leg. It really hurt, not just physically, but because, perhaps for the first time, I could really feel the pain of how I had lived, against the truth of what I knew.
So now I am back on the couch, with my leg up, pondering on what happened. The silly part is I have had to take more time off healing what I have harmed than I would have if I had listened to my doctor in the first place!
Some of us, especially the “smart” ones, can be slow learners!
Medicine and Serge Benhayon 
The wonderful thing about learning is that there never is a mistake. We learn and by sharing our story, others can learn, too. There’s so much for everyone to appreciate in every movement we make even when it doesn’t match the picture of how we wanted it to look.
It is amazing how patient we can be with others but how impatient we can be with our own healing process whether this is after surgery or simply allowing a needed clearing and giving ourselves the space to process that without beating ourselves up for not being productive. What this exposes for me is the different weight I put on tasks where there is a recognisable outcome at the end and the ongoing process of healing that is often unseen at the time.
They often say that nurses and doctors are the worst patients – though I think there are many many of us who don’t look after ourselves to the level or the depth our bodies require. Your blog really makes me wonder how many times a day I compromise my body – and what effect that is having long term – thank you.
Thanks Anne, I’m home unwell in bed and I realised this morning after feeling unbearably unsettled that I didn’t feel comfortable about not having a function, my belief was I needed to be doing something to feel connected to others or part of the team so to speak. This was really exposing because my body genuinely needs rest whilst I recover, but I’m having trouble accepting it because I’m placing value on myself in doing something, not just being and attending to myself.
So true I have often given in to this uncomfortable feeling of not being productive when recuperating and gone back to work too soon and like Anne recognised that I am not ready but felt unable to acknowledge this as it will affect others and then have taken longer to recover which impacts not just me but all those I am connected with.
Listening to our head and ‘over-riding our body’ can be suicidal so maybe we should look at the underlying patterns that have hooked us into to listening to those versions from our spirit and not the true way our whole body intelligence works when we are connected to our Soul, which is ‘going deeper, feeling the stillness and beauty and grace within me’.
In March 2013 I had a chest infection that lasted over a month. I kept going back into work and my manager kept sending me home again. I couldn’t believe that I could take time off and rest. But I don’t doubt that repeatedly going back prolonged the illness. These days I take the time to rest however long it may be and I return to work ready, committed and joyful.
That is so awesome Leigh and what an amazing reflection for all your colleagues.
The mind can certainly play tricks, it has us doing things that are not just unwise but are self harming and takes us a long way from where we really want to be. We are so used to a fast paced life and getting on with things that it is often difficult to stop and allow the body the rest and healing it needs. Practising being still not just on the outside but connecting to the stillness within supports us to stay with our bodies true needs. Esoteric Yoga as presented by Universal Medicine accredited practitioners is a great way to deepen this process.
Anne I always love reading your blogs, because there is such a great lesson for us all to learn through your experience, when we don’t listen to what our body is telling us, and we simply override it, we are in total disregard of our body and not honouring what we know to be true.
It’s very common for people to go back to work too soon after an illness because of the pressure they feel from their boss or work place or their own work addictions, feeling that they are irreplaceable. It often follows that more time off is then required, whereas giving oneself sufficient time to heal well in the first place may have obviated that.
Thank you Anne, for presenting this great example of how the mind insists on us believing that it knows best, to get its way, to dominate regardless of the cost, which always equates to abusing ourselves by overriding the intelligence of the body, which the mind is intrinsically part of. However, as you have clearly demonstrated, our minds can never truly be without the body, as in the end it’s the body that will call to correction all that is not honouring of the love that we are and the truth that our body always reflect to us.
I just so love and appreciate your openness and honesty. Often we like to present only the pretty veneer side of life as if there is no rough or sharp edge. Sharing our whoops moments is not about defending or justifying our mistakes, but about accepting them as part of learning, it offers a fuller picture of our journey hence a greater learning for others – just like how we learn to accept illnesses and diseases as part of healing.
“I went places where I thought I was needed, and then I went back to work. I love my work, but I am not what I do.” Yet so many believe they are what they do – their identification. I can relate to this too. The body has huge intelligence and gives us signals, if we only listen and respond to what is needed – sometimes giving us a moment to stop – if we don’t choose to stop for ourselves.
Having just broken my wrist this is quite a timely read. I can feel how I have not fully stopped and felt what my wrist is showing me, and instead using my time to fill in all the areas that I had previously not had time for. I can feel that I am being asked to go deeper but not taking the steps to fully embrace and appreciate what is being offered to me.
A great lesson and seemingly worth the price as the damage wasn’t permanent. To be able to stop such ingrained behaviour is a blessing.
When I would follow my thoughts i would not be sitting and or lying on the couch with my wrist in plaster but I would do whatever I could to avoid, disrupt the stillness that my body is presenting me with. To break this pattern of identifying myself and my worth with what I do is to surrender to the wisdom within my body.
Putting others first is something as women we can all do, I am learning to unravel this in my own life and to see the part I have played in over riding how I truly feel and in being responsible for others, and how exhausting and harming to the body it is when we live in this way.
I love the honesty and humility of what you share here Anne, and how it often takes a real stop for us to see and feel how we’ve live and how much it can hurt when we see and know that we’re not considered ourselves in there, but placed the world and all others first, to the detriment of ourselves and them, for we have not been the quality of us.
Yes, the most embarrassing or painful revelations can be among the most valuable ones.
Yes Christoph, most valuable learnings in life.. that support us to evolve in a higher state of truth thereafter.
The pain of knowing that I have turned against what I know to be true is by far the greatest source of agony in my life. And as much as I can distract myself away from this pain, giving myself the illusion that everything is bubbling along just fine at the surface, the reality is that the more I connect to this pain and allow it to be felt, the more solid and genuine I feel and the more capable I am to handle life’s challenges. The real weakness is therefore in not being aware of the deep pain of separation from our soul. And real strength is in living with the awareness of this separation everyday and yet to carry on bringing light and love to life.
“I love my work, but I am not what I do.” – this is so important to remember! To appreciate our worth as we are and not just for what we do. And reading this blog reminds me of the importance of really listening to and honouring our body, thank you Anne.
Thanks for your honesty Anne. This is a beautiful sharing, that makes me feel how important it is to honour our body, especially when it is in a deep healing process, and also how important is the reflection we offer to others in that process. This is very generous on your side, as sometimes we may think that doctors are invincible and maybe we forget that they are also human beings who make mistakes and learn in their life too.
I know that feeling well, following the thoughts of going into work but stepping out the door I feel like I shouldn’t even be in my uniform let alone out of bed! Pushing ourselves when ill only makes the healing take longer. We all know this but give precedence to those thoughts that don’t have care or love in their foundations or orgin.
There is no surprise that our body reacts when we override its needs for rest, and how quickly we can go backwards when we think we can get away with something, all along knowing inside that we should not be pushing our body, but respectfully supporting and resting it.
I can so relate to the mind tricks and in particular having doubts after a moment of big appreciation. Maybe I indulge too much, going on and on and on about how wonderful and special something was, so those amazing and beautiful moments always stay as one-offs and I don’t make them to be my new normal from which I can live my every day.
My work has been very quiet recently and I have found this hard to deal with. Thank you Anne for the reminder to go deeper into the stillness and not allow ourselves to equate value with what we do, but with who we are.
That used to drive me up the walls if it was quiet at work!
But it is that needing something to do for validation that needs addressing rather than the quiet job being the ‘problem’.
It is amazing how that unseenness of the healing process means that so many struggle with allowing it to take its course and put themselves under pressure to get back to work before they are truly ready. The crazy thing is that we are thereby harming ourselves and elongating the healing process, which cannot be rushed, if we want to embrace true healing. Whilst I absolutely feel this is true I know that I would still struggle to live this if I was suddenly faced with having to take time off.
“I love my work, but I am not what I do.” It is so easy to get so caught up in our work that it becomes part of us that we don’t realise how much it can take over our lives, especially if we think we are needed and we are the only ones that can do what needs to be done. Sometimes we need a stop just to remind us of this, I love how your body showed you that it was a time to stop and heal and that pushing it when it was healing was not going to work and caused more problems
We all think we’re smart, but my gosh do some of our choices reflect the exact opposite. Why we pretend we’re superheroes, I don’t know, but it appears this is how we like to learn, putting ourselves through the ringer before realising there is another way.
Sometimes we need more messages than one to truly start to listen and when we come to a stop once more we feel our choices in life and I love what you say here Anne: ‘I could really feel the pain of how I had lived, against the truth of what I knew.’ We all know the truth!
I can feel the enormous ‘Ouch’ of your lesson Anne and one that hopefully will support us all in recognising that is it very important to allow our bodies the space to heal when they require it, unfettered by our self centred need for recognition or rewards.
Thank you for being so transparent and generous with your life because you are so willing to share with all of us, each lesson that is there for you, is equally there for all of us. I have trouble allowing support and stopping, I can get stubborn and can convince myself that I have to be there for others and if I stop, I have this sense that everything will fall apart, in short, it is my control issues, it is my way of hiding and avoiding stillness.
The more stories I hear about the possible benefits of surrender, the better.
‘…perhaps for the first time, I could really feel the pain of how I had lived, against the truth of what I knew.’ Again Anne, I so get this. Yesterday evening I did an Esoteric Yoga session for the first time in a while and felt a restlessness, a disturbance, I don’t usually feel. I put it down to something I ate but pondering it further I came to see what I was feeling was the result of unwanted emotions I had digested, and had been digesting, for some time. Feeling that, which I had been relaying into a self-loathing of my body and a beating up of myself, was what was truly bugging me. I was feeling the impact of how I’d lived.
‘I started to feel empty because I was not “doing” anything…’ This morning as I woke and laid still, feeling into my body and where it was at, I remembered Serge Benhayon’s beautiful quote:
‘Your daily chores and deeds do not add up to your worthiness, for the loveliness was there at the birth of the day’.
Understanding and living this has been (and still is) one of the most difficult things for me to accept, as I suspect it is for most women (and men). I understand the difficulty you faced Anne in not being able to feel yourself as enough without having to lift a finger.
I can relate to that Anne, how many messages have I ignored and overridden only to be brought back to what is needed to know, by a body that is far more intelligent than any ideas or timescales I might have had otherwise planned?
Although painful, sometimes lessons are needed to break down our stubbornness to see a truth we were refusing to consider or living in opposition to. I love how the body and life can be such wise counselors, lovingly nudging us back onto the path we should have never strayed from.
Great blog, we can be our own worst enemies when we try to plough through the day because we don’t want to let others down or we don’t want to be seen as weak, when the truth is if we honour ourselves first when we are ill, or needing to recover we will be back on our feet much sooner than if we try and override what our body is asking us to do, deeply rest and lovingly look after ourselves.
Its a common tale of going back to work or chores to early after recovering from illness. What you offer is it is a great insight to the reason why. Is it because we just don’t want to have time with ourselves, no distractions, no activity, and is it because we need to allow the support of others in full.
With respect it’s funny to see Doctors not listening to Doctors’ advice. This article is for me symbolic, in that if we honoured and allowed what we actually felt to be expressed, we would be through things fairly swiftly and yet we don’t and apply ‘our thinking’ to the situation and end up learning another way. Which usually takes twice as long and is more painful as well as stressful, not only on us but everyone involved. I think this is a great article as I am unwell at the moment and I can see some of myself in what is being said, funnier still.
Sadly, but true, in our society today our worth is validated by what we do. This culture is introduced to us at a very young age when we are rewarded with attention for the things we do. Over-riding our truth and disregarding our bodies for the sake of recognition, acceptance, approval or being seen as good is harming us, as we live less of the love we already are. Thank you Anne, for sharing the truth of the conditioning that we all have to overcome to return to live in connection to the real quality within us, that not only reflects who we already are, but also truly guides us to live all that we are.
A simple sharing of a common way where we ignore our body and let our mind rule. We know what is good for us and what not.
If we don’t listen to our bodies and what it is communicating, then it doesn’t matter how ‘smart’ we think we are, we will always discover at some point that we have taken a wrong turn. Being responsible for our choices in life is something we can never ultimately avoid… and nor should we want to if we could begin to fathom what enormous healing and benefit to all is on offer by accepting that responsibility and making different choices.
We have this false illusion which I have fallen for many times that when we have done some work we feel better, relying on that which is outside of ourselves to pick us up and make us feel better. Yes of course to commit to life and live in regard of ourselves, things need to get done, but I am learning big time that it is not the end result that counts but the way in which I do the activity, e.g. was I present with myself or was my mind wandering, what was the quality of my energy e.g. was I present and rough or was I loving and gentle with myself. The focus is on me, my relationship with myself and not what I am doing to get recognition and praise from others.
Ha ha Anne, as a fellow ‘smart one’ I hear you! Like you, I’ve long let my mind run the show and have often ‘…started to feel empty because I was not “doing” anything…’ What an abject lesson for you and all of us who are inclined not to surrender to what the body knows it needs; who seek self-worth and identification through activity. I haven’t had my leg blow up, but the diagnosis of a thyroid condition several years ago has certainly helped me reassess my approach. What fabulous teachers our bodies are.
Thank you Anne, a beautiful lesson in appreciating that we are enough by being who we are without all the doing and allow others to enjoy caring for us.
Over-riding our body is so deeply ingrained in us that it often takes another stop before we really take notice and appreciate what is being offered to us.
Hehe “Some of us, especially the “smart” ones, can be slow learners!” – and how great it is that everyone has this best divine-connected friend on its side: our body, which reflects to us everything we choose against our original state of being =Love.
It is just sensibly sensible to not push ourselves after a major surgery, everyone knows it yet there can be an undercurrent drive nudging us not to.
Asking the question why we have difficult being sensible is a good question to start with.
When we think we are right we can be at our most stubbornness.
We think we’re clever by trying to outsmart our own bodies….but we have no idea what we are dealing with. Our bodies are not something to be reckoned with, I too have learnt this the hard way…and the more attention I pay to it, the more obvious the signals.
If we don’t take adequate rest eventually it catches up with us. Being tired makes it harder to be present with ourselves and accidents are more likely to happen or an illness will show up. Going to bed earlier is great as is taking power naps in the day but let’s start those by being connected to our breath so that we can capitalise on these moments as much as possible.
In a nutshell, this is what is happening world wide whether we are physiologically sick or not, pushing and overriding one’s true levels of exhaustion is rife; indeed the escalation of coffee shops across the globe is a sure indicator. Humanity has disengaged with their own sense of stillness and the resulting ill health is snowballing.
Love your title Anne and it has helped me to recognise the link between being a patient and being patient with myself when I am healing either physically or mentally. In acute situations we have little choice but to rest but it is when it is not so clear cut that I need to e.g. stay at home recuperating that my mind starts up the old tapes about not letting people down and I often choose activity as the more comfortable option rather than sitting with the feelings that are coming up. Inevitably this ends painfully but the physical pain then blots out the feelings of not being enough without my constant activity. I am amazed how deep seated these tapes are and how I can still get caught up in these old patterns if I do not pay attention to the foundation of self-care that I have established over the last few years.
Thank you for sharing your post-surgery experience Anne which I can really relate to and only recently had a example of when I overrode my body which I knew was not well enough to go to work but felt that I couldn’t let a client down who ended up cancelling on me! By that time I was in work so kept going and this had a detrimental effect on how I was for the rest of the week and thus how effective I was in all areas of my life. I recognise more when I am doing this but still find the mind games that nag me about not being enough unless I am doing something productive can be overwhelming when I am feeling below par. This reminds me how important it is to look after myself lovingly all the time to support me to recognise the subtlest of messages from my body about when I need to rest.
Anne its often the times that our body asks us to stop that we resist stopping, then the body really starts to talk and we have no option but to stop. That had been my experience through life. I think it does not matter what we know in our heads as it makes no sense to push ourselves in the way many of us do. Time to deeply care and nurture ourselves.
The body always tells you to go deeper especially after a known stop like an incident, accident, ill-ness or dis-ease. It’s always the case when you are hurt or reacting too and wanting to control the environment you are in. Going deeper to love for yourself supports you to understand why it is an event happens and most importantly being aware to not let it happen again.
We are so invested in the idea that we are here to do something – to have a family, to be in a relationship, to be committed to our job, to be self-loving…..that we forget that we are not here to do anything at all. We are here to be. That is all.
Thank you Anne. This sounds very familiar to me and the self-imposed pressure to ‘get on with things’ too soon and then having to take longer to recover as a result of not listening to my body. I realise that it is an arrogance to think that I am the one that has to do the ‘doing’ and that it is a trust to allow others to care for me.
Wow thank you Anne, I read your last blog and took note of that take time off afterwards as a golden rule for surgery but to hear how and why you learnt that lesson is really valuable for me. I often feel that nag of ‘I’m not doing anything’ and giving space to be looked after. I remember I was home and back looking after my other two children within hours of my 3rd child being born. It was crazy looking back because there was so much help around me but clearly a fair chunk of my self worth was placed on how much I did and contributed.
Thank you Anne for sharing, it’s interesting how a lot of us would ignore our body until our body really stops. It’s not until our body really stops us that most of us would really listen, then it’s too late as the harm is already done.
Anne, I love the honesty and humility of what you share. I too have been one of those ‘smart’ ones, and I’ve begun to recognise that I’m often a slow learner and I’m now learning to embrace the learnings from my body and ensure that how I live includes it and doesn’t just push through. We humans are so often loathe to stop and truly feel what is going on until our bodies show it to us clearly. Thank God for our very wise and beautiful bodies.
Anne I love your honesty – you wrote: “. . . I could really feel the pain of how I had lived, against the truth of what I knew.” I know exactly what you mean and for me this insight was the important part of my deep healing – to allow myself to feel what I have knowingly and willingly done to myself.
The drive to do and be seen doing in this life is set directly against our innate sense of the value of our beingness. In our beingness we bring so much to our doing that is not perhaps obvious on the surface – but is felt so very deeply within.
So much is felt, thank you for highlighting this Richard.
Our bodies do know what is needed – if we are willing to listen. They are messengers of a deeper truth that we currently appreciate.
There is definitely food for thought for many of us in this writing… Taking the time for ourselves to truly heal can push so many of the buttons inside that we are used to ignoring… But we do so as Anne has said, at our peril.
Indeed Chris, true healing puts our relationship with self in the spotlight……buttons gets pushed and the learning whichever way is enormous.
Thank you Anne – a great read and reminder for today as I am feeling unwell though not really really unwell. However rather than waiting until this point I have decided to take the day off work and rest, which is new for me, as usually I would wait until I have to stop and recovery takes longer.
When we have a choice to work in our fullness, doing miracles several times a day or to work in what is normal, we are often tempted work at the lower level. There are many reasons for this paradoxical behaviour. Two big reasons may be familiarity and preferring not to be seen to be absolutely awesome.
Thankyou Anne for your sharing. “The silly part is I have had to take more time off healing what I have harmed than I would have if I had listened to my doctor in the first place! Some of us, especially the “smart” ones, can be slow learners!” I too was about to head back into ‘doing’ after my surgery, but then got a bad cold, which stopped me. I am now gently easing back into nurturing me and ‘being’ first ( a new skill) then doing what feels appropriate. Certainly not getting back to a ‘normal’ life, as that was what brought on illness in the first place.
“All that lovelessness, all that disregard, all those years of putting others before myself, of not listening to my body, of over-riding what I did feel, see and hear, of pushing through pain, tiredness, sadness…”, I can relate to a lot of this, knowing I was doing this until I was so exhausted, that if I had not stopped, my body would have put a big stop. It took me a very long time sleeping for 10 to 12 hours to come out of exhaustion, but I had to honour this, because I knew I was no good to myself or others in the state I was.
Thanks for this sharing Anne. I can fully relate to every word you have written here. Of late I have felt an exhaustion in my body that I have successfully kept hidden for some time and in feeling it, have honored needing more sleep. What I have done though is to indulge in the needing to rest and have found myself disregarding things that I felt to do. This I am sensing is just as harmful as the doing too much. Today is day one in honoring my body needs the rest, but in the time I have during the day to not waste it, but to use it productively and be very aware that I don’t now turn this into the doing too much.
Awesome truthful account of your own disregard. Why do we push our bodies to their limits and breaking point before we will “stop”?
lt shows us how much our mind over-rides our body with total disregard. We arrogantly mistreat ourselves to the point when our body says enough with a greater illness or disease.
When will we learn? When will we make more loving choices, daily, to listen more intently and more respectfully to our incredibly wise bodies?
It’s no coincidence we have the saying “Physician heal thyself”! We are all (not just Im-patient Doctors’!) very good at giving advice to others but when it comes to seeing what we need, being blind. To me this just shows how we spend our lives constantly looking outwards, looking to the world to find our part in it, our part to fix, and yet the only way to be true to ourselves is to drop the need to be seen to have all the answers and accept support from those who really do know what they’re talking about when we have lost our way. Love your honesty Anne.
As I love your honesty Lucy. Learning that there is greater wisdom in our bodies, than that which enters our minds is a way of life for me now. As is learning to trust what my body is sharing with me, and going with the impulses it offers, even though I may not know why at the time.
This is a great reminder to allow the healing to take its natural course and not push by any strength of the imagination. When that itchy feeling comes up, it’s a sure fire warning that we are being given a choice to surrender and go deeper, or resist and create more havoc.
It is such a big deal – we don’t stop for a moment when we should have and make a decision that has lots of consequences that are hard to undo. It really pays to stop and feel and life then becomes much simpler as there is very little undoing needed.
Thank you Anne for another great blog, I really love your honesty with sharing, it does seems so easy at times to fall back into old patterns of doing. Our body certainly reminds us of this and the added pain reflects for us a deeper understanding of how we have lived in the past.
Hi Anne, thank you for this great sharing. I love this line “perhaps for the first time, I could really feel the pain of how I had lived, against the truth of what I knew.” this place you talk of is a really healing space and once felt and honoured one you don’t go back to, that has been my experience – our bodies are truly patient with us.
We can be so punishing of our bodies thinking that they will keep functioning the way they always have until one day it says enough is enough – and then we are shocked and frustrated because our bodies have ‘failed’ us…when in fact it was us who failed our bodies with unloving choices.
Gosh I Love this blog Anne and how you just say it as it is. Why do we keep overriding what we know and can feel would support us?
Why are our old patterns of disregarding our body so ingrained?
Why do we not learn and think we can go back to working so soon after surgery?
In my case it was the same – I was so focussed on work that I found it a gross inconvenience having “major surgery”.
Long hours bed resting and daytime tv was getting a bit boring. Is it any surprise I went back to work and that job required my hands so I injured one hand and arm and the following week badly burnt the other hand which left me with two fingers. So the doing had to stop and the being had to be my focus.
I recall looking up in bed asking God why on earth am I not learning. The pain from the burn was even worse than surgery and in Truth it was the pain of living a life that was consistently disregarding and totally loveless. I cried with frustration but deeper than that was the sadness I felt of how I had treated my body.
Anne there is such a gorgeous honesty and simplicity in the way that you write – what you share is instantly relatable. Thank you so much for taking the time to write as you sit on the couch recouping! I too am learning to listen to my body and not push through, ignoring what is communicates to me, because of some crazy idea that I need to do in order to be seen and be loved.
It is also interesting that being patient does not necessarily mean you have to wait a long time for things to happen or unfold, you simply are allowing the space, knowing what is coming will come at exactly the right moment in time, exactly when it is needed for all, not just the self. Amazing and so very beautiful!
The Im-patient Doctor – what an awesome title to such a truthful blog. Thank you Anne.
When you are waiting for something, anything, you have to ‘be patient’. When you are ill and waiting for your body to heal you are called ‘a patient’. Interesting.
I find it great to read from a Doctor who is able to share this story in this way without any arrogance or having to be right. It makes sense after all that we would wish to be cared for by professionals who are also forever deepening the regard they hold for their own health. From that it can only make for better care for their patients.
So funny and humble Anne when you write that the smartest of us can be the slowest learners. Our thoughts can be so distracting of the truth we hold in our bodies and yes as you have shared, our bodies need to sometimes shout at us to be listened to!
This is a profound sharing of what can happen when we override an innate knowing of the time and space we need to heal and fall for false projections of the mind. I have found that in doing this you will usually be shown a great lesson in why you should not deny what you felt to be true and occasionally it comes with a painful reminder to go with it just to make sure you won’t forget it ☺
It’s crazy how we disregard our body and put the needs of others ahead of our own, all because we don’t think we deserve to feel the “…stillness and beauty grace within me…”
I can super relate to this Anne, but on a much minor scale.. Often when I feel exhausted I just dismiss the feeling, sleep maybe just a tiny bit more that night and settle for just being ‘tired’ the next few days, while I continue pushing my body through the aches and pains… What I find, is that when I actually make an effort to get a substantial hour or so of extra sleep, I recover much quicker and am back to my usual, energised self pretty soon.
It is great to acknowledge and observe how easily we can fall back into old patterns. Conscious presence is being eternally vigilant, and understanding that everything is a choice.
This was so important to share Anne, so I’m glad you did! I have felt similar momentums in my behaviour that drive me to keep going because others need something, or I’m ‘supposed’ to be somewhere. I have done this at the expense of my body, and the nurturing environment that is my home. I know now the importance of paying attention to my body, first and foremost and that any thoughts telling me I ‘should’ be doing something more, or be somewhere, need to be sat with to see whether they come from the love and divinity that I innately am.
I can feel now that I have the opportunity to not let these momentums pick up speed, and live in a way that allows me to be free of them. It’s feeling a bit strange at first, to not live with these momentums, but something I am certainly welcoming and embracing day by day.
Thanks Anne, great sharing and very appropriate for me to read at this time. I am one known to be addicted to the doing and am going in to have major surgery soon. I will give honour to the time and space needed for true healing and the blessing this brings.
I often wonder why we will offer so much care for another when they are recovering from surgery or illness but don’t stop to honour ourselves to the same degree. Anne thank you for highlighted how we play the old card of not deserving this level of care for ourselves knowing that how else can the body deeply rest and heal itself. A great blog to ponder on.
Thank you Anne, this a great learning for us all. I have also experienced this drive or need to do things- not allowing my body to truly rest when stricken with illness or injury (and it feels horrible, and recovery takes longer!) However I feel this level of rest with our bodies is also possible on a daily basis when we prepare and take ourselves to sleep- where we can be deeply surrendering or already anxious and racy about tomorrow or holding onto an issue from today. The morning after, we can feel deeply rejuvenated or not. Healing is a choice in every moment.
The more we become im-patient with any healing process we are experiencing and resist the importance of taking care of ourselves by ignoring what our body (or doctor) is telling us, the longer it takes for us to heal. What a divine lesson to share with us all Anne, thank you.
Indeed, and for myself to say I am enough without having to do anything is much bigger than the sentence itself especially if there is a life time of experiences which say otherwise.
Great teaching Anne just listen to your body
What a beautiful learning Anne, “…allowing myself to feel that I am enough as I am, and don’t need to do anything to be loved…” At times we don’t appreciate how truly wonderful we are and are enough just as we are.
The thought that we have to do something, achieve things and be a mover and shaker in order to feel worthy is very common and especially so when we judge others and are judged from that same misconception.
Great point Gabriele, acceptance and appreciation of self and others goes out the window when we fall into focussing on doing and achieving in order prove our worth.
Only if I had enough fingers to count the number of times I chose to override what my body was so clearly saying and I felt deep down, but I let my head and bravado rule the day and lived to regret it. We can indeed be such slow learners when our head thinks it is smart enough already! It is a great humbling experience when we are actually stopped in our tracks and forced to reflect and be honest.
Anne what you share here so honestly and openly is such a great support for myself and many others. I know I have not listened to my body when recovering from surgery and did not take the time and grace to deeply rest and heal. I know next time I would make more loving choices and surrender and allow the body to heal without the need to ‘do’ anything.
Anne your article brought up a memory of being sick and having to stay at home. At the time my sense of self worth was gleaned from ‘being productive’ and as being unwell was preventing my from being productive outside of the house I started to polish things from my sick bed on the couch ! My need to keep being productive completely over ruled my need to rest deeply.
This blog shows the extent to which we can be arrogant with ourselves and make choices that make it hard for us or even harm us, even if we know best not to go there.
I agree and it seems like we find the way to make it hard for ourselves as this is what is familiar. Waking up to it not having to be like this is so much more loving for our bodies and inspiring for others.
Oh Anne, we do make it tough for ourselves and make the lessons hard some times, but there you are again back where you started, learning to love.
Yes Suzanne, it is a beautiful reflection of how we can choose “make the lessons hard” sometimes but we always have the opportunity to learn from this, and from this learning to inform our choices the next time we are presented with a similar situation. So essentially there are no mistakes, simply opportunities to learn and grow.
Great to read this again.
Even when we haven’t got an illness, or need to recover from surgery, it can be hard to let ourselves deeply rest or allow space to be more loving and caring towards ourselves. An ‘intensive care’ programme can be useful at anytime.
“allowing myself to feel that I am enough as I am, and don’t need to do anything to be loved” – This is huge Anne. To just be love and be loved is a huge lesson for most people, but each and everyone of us are fully worth being held in such love.
That is true Josh, it is huge for me to just be love and being loved too. We are worth it and it is our natural way of being.
Even the smart cookies like you Anne make dire mistakes when it comes to your own well being – I’m shocked! Thanks for surrendering here in this story for everyone to read and learn from and leaving ‘pride’ about being a surgeon yourself at the front door. It’s such a great reminder that we are all the same, and we all make dumb choices from time to time and with a bit of self responsibility and awareness we can turn things around. I love your articles. More please!
Gorgeous Elodie, I love this about Anne’s sharing too, her openness and realness is humbling and a beautiful reminder of the fact that we are all forever students.
You have raised an important message here Anne about the wisdom that our bodies hold. It’s interesting isn’t it how good we are at knowing what others should be doing to care for themselves in similar situations but how we completely disregard our own wisdom when it comes to applying the same level of care to ourselves. Our bodies soon let us know that they won’t tolerate this duplicity and send us clear messages when we are off track – which I find is a remarkable way to let me know that I have been allowing my mind to run the show and that it is time to recalibrate.
Great lesson for us all Anne and I trust you have learned it well and won’t let the tricks of the mind let it happen again.
Haha Kevin! Yes, I have learned the lesson well, but taming my wild mind is still a work in progress! What I am learning though is that it is not about ‘breaking it in’, but surrendering to the deeper knowing of my body.
I love this Anne. It really is so simple, yet we make it so complicated for our bodies! They are here constantly telling us what it is that is needed, but we can be so stubborn in stopping to surrender and listen to them. The good thing is, they never stop talking so we always have the opportunity to sit down and listen.
Brilliant: ‘Some of us, especially the “smart” ones, can be slow learners!’ Valid points with humour!
This made me laugh. I can soo relate to feeling unworthiness arise like a big bad monster in the past if I’ve had to pause or stop the incessant ‘doing’
I have come such a long way, because I have always put pressure on myself to work as well as care for our children, but recently I have reduced my work load (and type) and I said to my husband, that the big-bad monster that used to visit and tell me that ‘being a mother is not enough, you must ‘do’ more’ is not here anymore (or, at least it has shrunk to a little squiggly, worm!)
Now I am filling myself with a body-lived wisdom that guides my doing and I know that there is nothing I can ‘do’ that is more important than my being…,So, whatever I choose to do, must allow my connection with my inner-most being to remain. Period.
“I did not deserve to care for myself and be cared for; I was needed here there and everywhere; I started to feel empty because I was not “doing” anything… all my old thoughts and patterns started to rear their ugly heads and demand my attention.” So true Anne, how often do we think this at times when we should be resting and taking care of ourselves.
Isn’t it amazing that we may recommend our client rest and deeply nourish themselves and their bodies yet when it comes to us we may not offer ourselves the same care and consideration even if we know our body is asking for it?
This is so true Josh. The “caring” professions are so ingrained in us but it was always based on caring for others and not ourselves!
Thank you Anne for this cautionary tale about taking the time to allow ourselves to heal after surgery and allowing others to support us.
I have become aware of this pattern within my daily life…”Instead of going deeper, feeling the stillness and beauty and grace within me, allowing myself to feel that I am enough as I am, and don’t need to do anything to be loved, I got up and moved.” I am learning that there is power and support available by staying with feelings as they come up, rather than trying to over ride them with activity or food perhaps…you describe the experience beautifully – thank you.
A beautiful reminder Anne, not only how important it is to honour what our body’s really need, but how forceful the mind can be to make us think we need to be pushing through. I have felt that happen when I was meant to be recovering from an operation, but because of ideals I held about work, family, looking after others and not being lazy etc, I tried to jump back in far too soon, and ended up prolonging the recovery and complicating things… so it all backfired anyway. The simplest thing by far would have been to just look after myself properly in the first place. So can we not just accept that we are so worth it to give ourselves the space to truly heal.
So beautifully said, Annie:
“So can we not just accept that we are so worth it to give ourselves the space to truly heal.”
This is what it is truly about – loving and caring for ourselves enough to give ourselves the time and space to truly heal, understanding that doing this is not selfish. In fact, pushing through was selfish in the end, because we ended up with complications that prolonged our recovery and meant we had to take more time off work! So, is it selfish not to self-care?
I agree with you Elizabeth – putting others first before ourselves especially when we are not well, or have recently had surgery, doesn’t work.
Especially for women I feel there is a belief that woman need to “do” to be accepted, due to lack of self worth. And asking for help doesn’t come easy, especially when we have young children to look after as well.
Beautiful Anne, really allowing our body to heal, to ask for support and to take the time to recover from any kind of surgery, is such a self loving thing to do. It’s like we don’t allow ourselves this time and think we are of no worth, when we are not doing anything ‘useful’. This is so far from the truth.
Putting everyone else before ourselves simply does not work, as your blog clearly shows. This, as I well know myself, can be a hard lesson to learn.
Loved reading your blog Anne.
It reminded me of the time I got hit by a car walking across the road, not in conscious presence, or in my body, in my early 20’s . I got a large left thigh haematoma.
I was hospitalised, and I opted for a corrugated drain to be inserted instead of a redi-vac drain so that I could go home the next day, and look after myself.
We’ll, I like yourself was unable to just stay in bed and do nothing, and rest.
As a result I week later, my leg blew up. I developed a staph wound infection which meant I had to be re hospitalised and stay for 1 week – bed rest with only toilet and shower privileges as I got better.
I hadn’t thought about or felt the disregard until now. I realised I hadn’t taken responsibility for my choices and played the victim in it all- ouch!
By nominating it now, I can let it go and truly heal, and learn from this.
thanks for sharing Anne. When I am home by myself I often feel like that too. I get very agitated and anxious and start looking for things to do, I keep thinking “I have to DO something!” but rather than that I could surrender a little deeper into my stillness and accept that I am enough without doing anything. Then I find I do the things that truly need to be done and I don’t get as tired doing them.
An awesome blog to read while recovering from surgery myself. I was great the first few days, but as time goes by I am feeling that i am losing the connection to myself more and more, as I cannot hide anywhere but in distraction. Your blog reminds me of the opportunity that is being offered to go deeper and connect to a stillness that is awaiting me.
Anne I appreciate your honesty so much. I can definitely relate to what you have shared too. A while ago I went home from work due to illness and felt completely devastated that I was not able to ‘do’ all the things I felt were necessary that day. I was in tears and made things so much more stressful for myself than they needed to be. I could feel I had bought into the belief that my only value was in what I could do. I went home anyway, allowed my body to rest deeply and was well again in no time. It really pays to listen to our bodies (and the doctor).
It is so true Anne that we are not what we do, however, it often feels like the doing is what makes us who we are. This is something that is a continuing work in progress for me. To know that I am myself first and I take the quality of me to what I do. I am not just the things that I do.
Beautifully honest Anne. It’s amazing to see how the body is always helping us to see its natural way of being. And if we don’t listen it tells again patiently, in capital letters. That seems really smart to me.
I am trying to embrace the idea that I am enough without having to keep doing all the time – little by little I am feeling more and being able to stay connected to my body and not go into my head. The head is where I can get caught up in what I think I should be doing and all the other traps the head gets you caught in.
How did we get to a point where our doing defines us and we run scared of our beingness? Such honest writing Anne. An amazing reminder that we are enough by just being.
Sometimes it takes ignoring one more time the facts to get the point: we are enough for who we are.
Yes, quite so, Andrew, a patient certainly needs to learn patience, in any health care system. It is something I have been pondering on also…there may even be a blog about it…watch this space!
I could see that coming, ‘learning patience’ that is, and while on the subject what an inspiring example Serge Benhayon is when it comes to patience.
I wonder if that is why we are named a ‘patient’ when we go to the hospital or we become very ill because that is part of the healing process, ‘learning patience’.
An awesome reminder, Anne, that unless we love ourselves first, we will usually end up harming ourselves; something that I have done endless times, with some very painful results. Even now, with all the awareness I have, I still find the old patterns of guilt rearing up if I’m not doing “my bit” at home or at work. We just have to come back to our sense of self worth and know that if we don’t care lovingly for ourselves, the outcome will not be one that we will welcome.
I too am a person who has identified with being “smart” and I have certainly been a slow learner when it comes to listening and trusting the messages my body is sending me.
Anne I am currently experiencing a very similar situation with my own health. As a fellow ‘put everyone else first’ kinda girl, my body recently gave me the message loud and clear that I was still being like this in certain areas of my life. I now can’t do everything I used to and it is showing me how much I still am invested in doing instead of being ok with just feeling my own stillness. It’s like my body said “I am going to give you a hand with this ” due to being a slow learner, which I now am actually super grateful for!
Great account of how our minds can get us running along the old path. And how our bodies say stop, you have done this enough, come back! Very beautiful.
I have also been guilty of not giving my body the chance to heal before feeling I should be doing something. The body lets us know when we do this and sometimes in a very obvious way as it was for me which then stopped me being able to do things for a few months. You would think this would have stopped me living the way I had been but after a while I reverted back to how I had been but with a little more awareness. It wasn’t until I met Serge Benhayon who spoke about taking responsibility and making more loving choices for myself, which over time has led me to letting go of my lack of self worth issues, that I started to truly heal.
Thanks for our honest account here Anne, I can relate to what you have shared very much. It is great that you have explored the underlying reason as to what drove you back to work needing to ‘do something’ to fulfil your sense of worth. This one can be such a sneaky one that creeps into different aspects of our lives. It is amazing just how harming this is to our body and as you shared with your experience of your leg blowing up, our body will remind us time and time again that it’s natural way is in our ‘being’ not our ‘doing’.
Thankyou for sharing this honest account, yes we are not what we do for a job or a mother or a wife but we can take who we are to these very needed roles . The question is do we take the lovely tender being we are to these most needed roles or are we allowing our self to be played by the role at the expense of our body and others.
Yesterday I rushed to get somewhere, carrying heavy bags, totally pushing myself. Once I got there I was told that there was plenty of time, I had 15 minutes to spare. Whew. Today my arms are sore, shoulders aching and whole body feeling a bit exhausted, so today I am slow, can’t carry too much and have to be very gentle with myself.. Thank you Anne for showing how important it is to not push our bodies and the consequences of doing so, can relate..
Thank you Anne for sharing such an honest account of what triggered you to go back to work, and the consequences of this choice. It so demonstrates how the body does ‘take a blow’ when we override and ignore how we feel, to just get up and ‘do’ things when in truth, the body just needs some Tender Loving Care (TLC). It took the fragility of your healing body to show the impact of what we really do to ourselves when we override. Thank you.
How amazing that you got to feel & understand what your body was telling you, and then chose to honour that rather than continue to push forward as you may have done in the past. It seems that there was a lot more healed than just what you had removed by surgery.
Beautiful sharing Anne, yes, on one level a crazy outcome. But, what an awesome healing your body offered you, and you accepted, finally! It’s crazy how we KNOW what we should be doing, and yet we allow ourselves to over ride our soul full impulse.
The body is such a beautiful marker, it gives us signs all the day. Only we tend not to listen to it. Lovely blog about what not listening to the body and caring for it does to you. The body just gives another louder sign till….we get it and make different choices. I realise by reading this blog the truth behind so-called slow learners, as Anne writes, is delaying a choice, a loving one.
Absolutely no disrespect to Anne here, but I couldn’t help saying to myself with bemusement “..and this is a doctor – they’re supposed to know better!”. But the truth is, we are all equally capable of investing in the ideals and beliefs of who we should be -getting lost in our heads and disregarding our bodies. The fact that modern medicine is beneficial on a foundational level and should be supported, does not excuse it from being too heady, too cerebral and not the whole truth of healing and wellbeing. It is a great thing that it can be supported by the wisdom of Universal Medicine, which definitely does come from our bodies and through our bodies.
I love your humour Anne, it is amazing how we know so well that we should be resting after an operation, yet the mind decides otherwise and before we know it we have done more damage by not allowing our body to rest and heal properly.
Loved this follow up from your surgery Anne.
Have been in the same position as you and found I was not actually appreciating the moment of stop the recovery time gave me. I filled it with other cunning little things I thought wouldn’t matter (!) until I had my body remind me very insistently, with pain and bleeding, that the designated time was space for a moment of stillness, and tuning in to feeling my body heal.
I took much longer to recover because of that ‘cheating’. It has taken a lot of reminding to make self loving self caring/nurturing choices but wisdom is definitely beginning to have the upper hand.
Anne, while reading your article I could feel the anxiety rising in remembering how exactly that was for me many years ago also – still with the family at home to ‘do for’ – and was not used to caring for myself first – and the searing pain I felt as I so very ‘gently’ mopped the floor, and subsequent pulling of newly inserted stitches had tears of disappointment in myself rolling down my cheeks as I limped back to the beckoning bed. Amazing I find how long it took me to feel it was okay to nurture myself first – and this truly only occurred after I attended the presentations of Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon and my developing awareness allowed me to see there was indeed another way.
That driving feeling to keep doing, even if we are unwell or tired…. so we feel like we are being proactive or ticking the boxes is such an awful feeling, that I know well. When I first became a Mother the drive to be the best parent possible, would leave me in tears as I was so exhausted but would not sit down or have a rest… I see how crazy and the complete disregard I was in now. It has been great to read your blog now Anne and see the mind tricks for what they are…. and also how for me they still play out.
The choice to go deeper and appreciate more is so always right there. It is amazing that we allow the mind to play those tricks on us and get us to put the emptiness first.
I too am a slow learner 😉
I can definitely relate to pushing myself until my body could take no more and I became unwell, mine not through the need to get up and work but through total disregard, nevertheless the outcome is the same in the end. Thank you Anne for your great blog.
This was a fun read Anne. Yet it is true how we deny ourselves the love we so enjoy when being with ourselves in our healing and accepting.
How often do we have to experience pain and hardship before we get the message? Thank you for sharing with humour and candour your experience, Anne. It is very inspiring.
Have we not all gone through similar experiences? …not only once. Thanks for your humorous, honest expression, Anne! In the end it’s probably not about being patient or im-patient (I really do love how you juggle with words!) and about becoming better in that sense, but about observing and not losing the playfulness. You got it, baby, I’d say.
Anne thank you for you blog, doing has also been a big part of my life taking me into my mind and ignoring my body , thank fully the body has the ability to wake us up and bring us back to self love as with your swollen leg.
I agree, it can be so hard to stop. This is a great reminder that there are times when we really need to, should – and can if we let ourselves.
Great reflection of how sometimes we think we can find short cuts (in this case to healing) but actually are there ever any short cuts? Or by choosing the ‘short’ route are we ultimately choosing the ‘long’ route because any unresolved problems resurface later and often worse than this initial problem.
Great point Michelle. There are no shortcuts, only a mind that can lie and pretend there are.
Anne this is a learning for me at the moment as well. It’s amazing that those of us in the medical profession are often least inclined to look after ourselves lovingly! I have just realised that I have been numbing myself to not feel the pain of missing “me” and have been pouring my “care” into others. Thank You
Anne what a wonderful post – allowing ourselves to feel the grace of stillness when the default position has always been busyness or ‘doing’, is something I can relate to very well. Finding and feeling our stillness within, is like arriving home after a very long car journey/trip.
I can definitely relate to sitting on the couch thinking of what else could I be doing, while Im meant to be resting, I still get caught in the mind set if your not flat on your back passed out then you don’t need to rest, crazy really because all that happens in the end is you flat on your back passed out !!
Anne, I can certainly relate to having stubbornly over ridden my body’s signals and then paying the price for my arrogance and pride. It just goes to show how well we have trained ourselves to mentally ignore what our bodies are telling us. This is changing as I am learning to tune into my body. It is supportive to read that others are also on this journey.
We can’t escape the body catching up with us. It sounds like you made the most of your recovery considering what you healed.
So simply, yet so revealing Anne. A great little lesson whereby we must simply listen and honour what we hear.
A great example of how we can ignore and dishonour ourselves for reasons we feel justified in and you are not alone in this Anne. The opportunity to heal was not just physical but on a deeper level. All those thoughts and feelings that come up are most often the ones that got us to where we are at in that moment. If we allow ourselves to feel these, as uncomfortable as they are, we are then able to start to truly heal and arrest the way of living that got us to the point of needing healing in the first place.
I was just commenting on your last blog about the surgery being so honest. This is even more honest. I, as I’m sure many, am always finding myself slipping back into an old way of thinking, a way of thinking that drags me down and is such a waste of time and energy. The consequences of that way of thinking is the only thing that can pull me back in line…if I’m willing to acknowledge those consequences of course.
I love your honesty Anne! And I can so relate to the situation of impatience in allowing the time for the body to heal. Whenever ill or bedridden for example, I too tend to get edgy and want the healing process to speed up instead of enjoying what is being offered – the deeper rest, recovery and connection with self. Silly really to resist the one thing that we desire (the deeper connection and stillness) the most and is naturally there for us ready at a moments notice should we just choose to go there.
Anne I too can be a slow learner at times, but that’s ok. At least we are learning and recognising the choices we are making now.
Oh wow! As I read your blog, Anne, my whole body screamed NO!!!! What did you do to yourself. It was “painful” just to read your story. Thank you for confirming once again (as we’ve heard it before) that not listening to our body does not pay off. At all.
What a painful but incredible lesson all at the same time. Thanks for sharing Anne I can definitely relate to this one.
Thanks for sharing Anne, it turns out our bodies are really quite loud when we do not look after them. I’m also learning to let go and allow myself to be looked after and supported when I do not feel good, and getting there slowly but surely!
I can relate to what you have shared Anne, pushing myself to do too much too soon after an injury has often been detrimental to the healing process. We are not indispensable and people will manage without us if they have to. It is more loving for all to be self nurturing and an example to others to do the same.
An awesome article, thank you Anne. I too am familiar with the tricks the mind can play to stop us from taking care of ourselves. The more care I bring to my body the easier it is to “hear” my body’s wisdom which is there to gently guide me and help me reflect on the choices that I make.
Powerful article Anne – I truly love your expression, the honesty always resonates so strongly with me…Thank you for sharing this – there really is a great learning here I’m sure we can all be reminded of. The importance of not allowing what our body is telling us to be overriden by what the mind likes to think is so-called ‘right’…
Oh wow, what a story. It’s funny how we can do this to ourselves. I often think when I’m sick that I will still go to work and most times I still do. When I do – the whole week is exhausting becuse I push my body to its limits. But then there have been times, when I have honoured that I am sick and take a day off to rest. Usually by the next day I am feeling much better and going back to work with ease.
It’s crazy all the thoughts that can come in, like I should be at work, I’m letting them all down, I’m going to get behind, who’s going to answer the phone, I’ll just be wasting the day at home anyway etc etc. When really my body is screaming for some nurturing, for some rest and loving. So when I override this and still go to work, it screams louder and I get sicker that I was in the first place. When I take the day to rest (and actually rest, not do housework), I feel refreshed and energised to get back into it. What awesome proof that our body knows best.
So true, the ‘smart ones’ can be the slowest learners! I can relate to the thoughts that start nagging at you, which can seem so much louder than the body if I focus on them. If I ever get sick, I can stop for a couple of days but then seem to have a switch that says thats enough, you ‘should’ be better by now. It is great that our body through pain, exhaustion etc can bring us back to our senses when we lose it in these old patterns.
One of the best things about life is that if we don’t learn a lesson one time around, guarantee it will be there again for us at some stage in the future! I know for me that each time I get sick, I am learning (slowly as well) more and more to surrender to my body and to rest. It takes time to undo the past.
This is oh so familiar to me – I’m not a health professional but I am a master of getting on with things at the expense of me! Being prepared to just be me without doing anything is an art that I am developing.
Great stuff Anne in exposing the Im-Patient doctor. I could fully relate to the emptiness overtaking the fullness and stillness, and then doing a job on yourself .
It’s funny all the lessons that we need, to come back to the truth that we all know.
Yes, it is almost as if being very smart means that it is difficult to make caring, loving decisions. There are always good, convincing! reasons to act differently.
What a beautiful article Anne. Such important things for us to learn as health professionals and as patients. We can often make all sorts of excuses to not rest when we need to – you’re truly included here – but that unwillingness does come back to bite us. Maybe a better way of saying that is that all our body wants is tender love and care and when we refuse to give this to ourselves it provides us with a greater opportunity to listen by saying – “I need more tender love and care”
Loved this article, it made me laugh out loud because I can relate. Especially the line about feeling empty because you weren’t doing something! Learning to stop, feel and listen to my body is a work in progress for me also!
Thank you for sharing Anne, as so many of us can relate to what you have shared I’m sure. Our bodies are amazing, are they not? Always telling us what it / we need but we choose to over-ride the signals until we are brought to a halt and made to stop. A lot to learn from stopping, reconnecting and listening to / feeling our bodies.
Thank you for the honest account. I don’t mean to make fun but a Doctor not taking Doctor’s orders very funny.
However it does highlight how we can have these ideals to continually work and neglect our own duty of self care.
Thank you for your honest writing Anne. When we do not listen to our body, we let other things in, such as “I should” as in your article. A great reminder of how important it is to be in the body, with the body and listen to the body.
This is a beautiful and honest sharing, Anne. How much harm we can cause to ourselves by not listening to the very clear and super-loving messages our body constantly sends us, is incredible. We are indeed, at times, slow learners until we decide to not compromise any longer. And that is a glorious moment! Thank you Anne.
This is such an honest blog, Anne, and I recognise that impatience to get going again, as I did the same after my hip replacements. I was eager to get back to all the old things I was doing before, to prove myself to myself, and pushed myself too hard. the result was the same as yours, it took me twice as long to regain anything like my former movement. The surgeon had done a very good job, but I didn’t accept my part in it and take responsibility for my healing. But for the support and wisdom of Universal Medicine Practitioners I would still be struggling, whereas my hips today are looser and more flexible than they ever were in my life!
Well I could say that it’s the training of a doctor to ignore themselves and to push on, which would be true, but it’s also what many other people also do, including myself. I could relate well to your blog, Anne, particularly,
” … of over-riding what I did feel, see and hear, of pushing through pain, tiredness, sadness…” with the result of, “I could really feel the pain of how I had lived, against the truth of what I knew.”
Thank goodness Universal Medicine is in the world for us to find and then heal these old behaviours.
Great to hear your honesty in this Anne. It is too easy to be busy as there is always something to be done. I find it takes a lot of discipline to make myself stop, switch off the computer, stay still and just be quiet and rest; may read a little or watch a movie. Our bodies are amazing barometers for our choices and I appreciate its honesty more and more everyday.
I love the truth in this and the honesty in recounting your experience. It is healing to share in such honesty and a brilliant exploration of how we can choose to look after ourselves or not.
Gosh .. you encompass so much with sharing your healing and give the opportunity for others to have a vastly deeper understanding and awareness of the body and life on so many levels in such a simple and easy way. Beautifull, thank you.
I can definitely relate to what you shared Anne. What a blessing it is though to have the opportunity via your surgery to realize that you still had the drive to be in motion and “do” rather than accept the support and listen to your body until it was ready to go back to work. I can say myself that when I have had an injury it was usually very difficult to even sit still for a short period of time, and I would immediately go into all the things I “needed to do” or how I was letting other people down by not working or helping out, etc. This was all really nonsense though, and I have slowly been learning to accept help and embrace the chance to just do nothing if I am met with the same situation.
Going deeper into the stillness and understanding the body further is what I am working on. As the mind can trick you and get you caught up in the doing again. So really depth and quality of the stillness is what needs to be worked on.
A great sharing here Anne, I can really relate to this, ‘ all that disregard, all those years of putting others before myself, of not listening to my body, of over-riding what I did feel, see and hear, of pushing through pain, tiredness, sadness…’. This is huge, and I can still feel the sadness of having lived this way for so long.
This is a true testament to the fact that we need to listen to our bodies over our minds, although in my case this morning if I had listened to my body I’d still be in bed.
As I read this, this time, I stopped at “As my body started to heal my mind started to play tricks”. It seems as if the more healing we do on ourselves the more the mind wants to sabotage this new way of being. So again we are presented with a choice keep climbing out of the hurts or slip back in. Great blog, thanks Ann.
I’m sure many people could relate to this story and the lesson at the end of it. I know I am not great at ‘being ill’ either and it does not take long for those voices to start telling me that I am not worth anything unless I am doing, producing, creating, supporting, helping someone or something. It is incredible how we do not feel enough just as we are but the truth is we came into this world incapable of doing much or helping out much but we were everything and that was enough then. So what changes as we grow up? When do our actions become more important then our being or presence?
Great medicine in this article doctor. A reminder that we should all read the prescription carefully.
This blog presents a great example of how our minds can say one thing and our body is saying the complete opposite. Also very exposing of the way in which we have followed what the mind says over the majority vote of the rest of the body. So simple yet so very power-full, Thank you.
Anna, it is so true some of us are so stubborn to listen to what our bodies are saying more so we have avoided to feel, we then get caught up in the doing. Only when we are forced to be in bed do we stop, and even then we never really stop. Just shows how we cause harm to our selves. As I have started to self care and bring that into my daily life, I don’t recall the last time I was off sick and had to stay in bed, in the last couple of years. Thanks to the presentations by Serge Benhayon I have deeper understanding about self care.
I am glad you shared this Anne!
I see peoples bodies stopping them left and right. I know 3 people who recently got concussions. Another person has had a series of bad accidents and others I know have become unable to work due to chronic illness…and there is still a HUGE fight in them to keep pushing in the same ways…one friend even said to me, (while healing from a surgery) “I just want to get back out there and stop being a drain!”…
What humbleness we all must come to in order to choose a more self honoring way.
I really enjoyed the light hearted way you portrayed what happened – something many of us have done – thinking we know better than what our body is telling us! A great lesson.
Thanks Anne. This shows so well the consequences of us going with what our head thinks rather than what we can feel is required if we listen to our body. And you demonstrate beautifully how when have been caught by overriding our feelings and when our body is showing the result of that choice, we can use the opportunity to observe the beliefs and patterns that have brought us to that point and consider letting them go.
Impatience is a old foe of mine too Anne. I can just imagine myself doing the same things. What we do to feel needed huh! Crazy. It’s great when you see yourself so clearly and the patterns you live under, great stop and chance to make another choice, to become the in-patient listening, reflecting, allowing.
It’s quite funny hearing this story coming form a doctor. This is something I notice a lot in the work place, people come to work feeling unwell, they push through because they feel the should, or they don’t think they are sick enough to take a day off work. The silly thing is, they will take a week or three to get better, where as with a day or two off work resting and taking care of themselves, they could be feeling great again a lot quicker, and as in your example, they can end up feeling much worse. I always feel it would be better for them to take a couple of days off work and to come back able to give 100%, as it’s not so pleasant being around someone who is sick and forcing themselves to perform the job. I do feel that there is a real trend in that behaviour in the UK, we don’t feel we can take time off work or spend a day just resting unless we are at deaths door, and so our bodies do have to give us the huge warning to force us to stop from time to time. Although I don’t always manage to put this into practise, I would much prefer to listen to the little warnings, and make little adjustments to the way I treat myself, rather than wait for serious illness or disease to stop me living in disregard.
Great blog Anne. How I can relate to this – “All that lovelessness, all that disregard, all those years of putting others before myself, of not listening to my body, of over-riding what I did feel, see and hear, of pushing through pain, tiredness, sadness…all came to a head….”
My body certainly is letting me know when I am not in true relationship with it now!
It just goes to show that everything we put into our bodies must eventually come out. Sometimes literally… It’s great that you’ve said that even doctors – as seen by society as having some sort of elevated status – are still human. Thanks for bringing doctors back down to earth.
Thanks Anne, I hope this wee blog can be a lesson to all of us not to override what is truly healing. Rest and recuperation after an operation? How many times have you emphasised this to your patients over the years. Well they say doctors make the worst patients but from now on I’m sure this won’t be true for you.
Lovely Kevin, very similar to my thoughts, but very playful with it.
Thanks for sharing this Anne. Our bodies have a great way of showing us the truth of a situation.
It’s amazing isn’t it how when you actually listen it starts as whispers and then just keeps getting louder until situations like Anne’s occur every time you try and push it…how many times in our life have we missed these glaring road signs and how much rest is it going to take before we actually “get better”. The thing that struck me most about Anne’s story is definitely around the “knowing better”…it’s as if we make excuses for ourselves because we feel like we know more, so because we know more we can live in ignorance as we are “choosing it”…what a ridiculous punishment of self upon reflection. Sometimes the ones that know can be the worst.
What a lesson! It’s amazing what we do to ourselves when we decide that ‘we know better’ than what our body is telling us. Thank you for sharing this Anne.
Very true, I’ve had so many of these moments when I have decided I know better than what my body is telling me, and it never works out well for me!
Thank you Anne for this blog, I also feel a slow learner at the moment, and it’s great not to beat myself up, but learn to move onwards from here and learn from it.
I can relate to this all too well. So too sometimes saying things that in truth serve no purpose and just take myself and others out….all ways we can complicate things rather than accepting what is and allowing ourselves a deeper level of stillness.
What you say is so true Anne. I managed to turn what could have been a few weeks in bed with glandular fever into 18 months of chronic fatigue because I overrode the doctor’s advice and also what my body was telling me. I have come to understand just how strongly our bodies speak to us, if we are only willing to be open to listening.
Thanks for sharing this. It’s crazy, isn’t it how we push ourselves past the limits of endurance and feel we have to keep going? However the only thing that is going to collapse is us – not the world!
We so easily get driven by many things in life and forget to look after ourselves, thank you for sharing Anne!
I’m slowly getting the message too Anne, thank you for this great sharing.
I know this feeling Anne! Just when you are starting to heal you feel ok let’s do stuff – let’s go back to work and it’s totally exhausted. It’s a very interesting question as to why we can be so resistant to let our bodies truly and fully heal, and accept the blessing that illness gives us.
Great example Anne. The temptation to do ‘a bit more’ or to feel desperately uncomfortable with not ‘doing anything’ is something I can relate to also. Rather than just enjoy our own loveliness, we are conditioned by everything outside of us which verifies and confirms that being quietly and contentedly with ourselves is not the place to be.
Thanks, Anne. A great reminder about how our mind can play tricks on us at a time when we need rest and stillness most – and how it uses our entrenched beliefs to get us back on the mouse wheel before we’re ready. ‘I am not what I do’ is just the phrase to use at times like these, to help us put care for the self front and centre when we’re convalescing..
Hi Anne, I have noticed the same pattern in myself – how I think I have to do something or be somewhere for other people to get recognition, love, acceptance etc… however reading your blog has been a big eye opener that although nothing is wrong with me now, if I don’t take the time to really stop – something could happen.
What I have learnt from presentations from Universal Medicine is that my choices will be reflected in my body. I appreciate that I have an opportunity now to make different choices, and thus have a different end result in the body. Thank you for sharing!
Thanks Anne, how overriding our body really does not pay off, but only gets us into deeper problems.
“I could really feel the pain of how I had lived, against the truth of what I knew.” Fantastic statement Anna how many of us know this one! It’s quite mind blowing how we can know something to be not ok for us but still continue to over ride our bodies messages. How awesome would it be if it was part of our education to learn to listen to these messages, the direct impact of that on our health care system would formidable.
This is great Anne, I know that I too have felt useless in the past, when I’ve not been ‘doing’ or working. I have definitely identified myself by what I do at home and work.I’m learning all the time to deepen the harmony within me to just be still, and not doing. It is a blessing to have this example to learn so much, thank you for sharing your experiences.
‘Useless’ is a great word to describe it Gill! I definitely can recall moments where I have felt useless when I need to rest, instead of deeply appreciating the opportunity in front of me.
Thank you Anne, I can very much relate to this. I love the part, …”I am enough as I am, and don’t need to do anything to be loved.” For me, this summed it up beautifully.
I can relate to the slow learning Anne, but it’s beautiful that you are open to learning. Thank you for sharing. I am sure you have learnt heaps more since this was written.
Thank you Anne for this wonderful sharing. It made me laugh because I could relate to it so much, but also I was touched with the powerful reflection it offered with regards to how I still override what is true.
Thank you for sharing Anne and reminding me that there is always time to look after myself, take a break and not get too focused on work and helping others at the expense of my body.
Great James, to change some words in Annes last paragraph, ‘we have to take more time healing what we have harmed than we would have if we had listened to our bodies in the first place’.
Well said Catherine, the more I listen to my body the more harmonious and balanced its becomes, whereas when I choose to ignore my body and override what it is saying to me then it ends up being reactive, tired, grumpy and I get very frustrated! all of which takes me further off track and then takes time to fully recover.
The always choice we have: to appreciate and honour the stillness, beauty and grace that we naturally are or to try and prove our worth in a doing. Amazing, Anne, thank you.
Beautifully said Matilda. What a lovely reminder. I need to keep this somewhere handy.
Great article Anne. I recognise the stubbornness so well. Thankfully our body is an amazing teacher. Continually and lovingly showing us what is truly needed until we finally get it. What a great lesson for all.
A great article Anne and a timely reminder for me how easy it can be to slip into dis-regard for our own health and not take the care that is necessary to truly support our bodies, and thus be then able to truly support anyone else.
From another ‘slow learner’ thank you for sharing your experience with us honestly. I am learning it really does take love and commitment to not listen to those uncaring thoughts that race through our mind.
Thats a good point Michelle, and quite sad to think that we have to really work at taking care of ourselves. How far must we be disconnected from our bodies to allow it to go through so much before we take time to rest?
Thanks Anne for your honesty and the reminder about all those old patterns we can fall into! I recognise the one about sick leave so well! Such is the depth of the belief that the needs of others are greater than our own! Ouch what a crazy one that is and learning or re-learning the truth that self care brings others a reflection that is more valuable than anything has been such an amazing path to rediscover.
Great point Judy, whenever I’ve needed to rest or take time off I’ve found it super hard – always wanting to keep distracted! A very clear message by Anne.
Great article Anne. Very relatable, you show how easy it is for us to slip into old patterns of disregarding ourselves and over riding what our bodies are telling us, which then our bodies have to show us even more so. Thank you.
Wow thank you Anne – you have shared an amazing example of how it is important not to hold our work higher than we hold our own wellbeing, and that after going through surgery or an operation it is vital to allow the body time to heal before we can commit to healing others.
Gosh Anne what you are saying is a ‘ditto’ for me.
I was so empty and doing doing was my thing and I just could not stop.
Reading your blog reminded me of texting clients and having to move my diary whilst I had a blood transfusion going on in the other arm. I remember feeling the utter inconvenience and frustration as the doctors were unsure what was exactly wrong with me. After major surgery I chose Not to rest and take time off work. Well guess what – I was forced to take another 3 months off because I burnt my hand badly. It was at this point I totally surrendered and realised I am going nowhere until I stop and put myself first. This has been something I have learned and developed for the past 8 years. My inspiration comes from the teachings of Serge Benhayon which for me makes simple sense.
I remember when I as growing up in the 50’s we stayed in bed much longer during an illness. I was off school for six weeks after pneumonia and could not return until I was fully recovered. Now there are so many more powerful drugs that clear up the symptoms quickly so it appears we are fit to return to work. But how about the body’s need to heal, not just be seemingly cured? I also feel there is a tendency to dance to the tune of employers who do not understand the benefit of rest. I love what you say about the importance of stopping, Anne, it has to be a true, deeply felt stop, connecting with the stillness, not just noticing and then go on doing the same override of the body’s wisdom, as I so often do, with the resulting consequences. Thank you, your blog is a reminder for me to stop so much more often every day to feel what is needed.
You have shared such a great example of what happens when we don’t listen to what our body needs and I can relate so strongly to what you have expressed. We override what we need because we have the belief that other people’s needs are more important than are own. You have shown that when time is needed to truly rest we can get back on our feet much quicker than if we get back up too soon and then need more time later on for recovery and then have to clear the disregard onto of that.
Thanks Anne, amazing honesty and truth. There are so many times I keep myself busy and doing rather than feeling and indeed suffer the consequences. Well worth lovingly pondering – I will take this into my day.
The body speaks loudly and clearly if we just listen. A great blog Anne and a lovely reminder to listen and honour what our body tells us, or suffer the consequences.
Lovely blog Anne. A timely reminder that over-riding what your body is telling you will ultimately get you into deeper trouble.
I love the tenderness that you are here expressing for yourself, and the willingness to re-learn. Beautiful.
A great blog Anne, I love the quote from Serge Benhayon ” the body is the marker of all Truth”. It gives us so many opportunities again and again to see what we do to ourselves. And when we don’t get it, we get another chance later with something else, until we do listen to it. Dropping those old patterns of lovelessness is an ongoing process, and the body continues to give us another go to keep looking at it. Great stuff.
‘All that lovelessness, all that disregard, all those years of putting others before myself, of not listening to my body, of over-riding what I did feel, see and hear, of pushing through pain, tiredness, sadness…all came to a head, in my left leg. It really hurt, not just physically, but because, perhaps for the first time, I could really feel the pain of how I had lived, against the truth of what I knew.’ A great sharing and the above section questions what the pain is we are feeling. I have come to feel and realise for myself that yes there is the physical pain but, if we are honest, in the depths of this is the pain of living against our truth. After having tests and receiving one shot of local anaesthetic after another because the pain was not lessening I realised it wasn’t the pain of the procedure I was feeling but this deep pain of denying my Truth. Ouch! A great reminder, thank you Anne.
I know that feeling so well, or not paying attention to what the body is saying and then creating something so much bigger as a consequence. Ouch!
I can relate to your blog and know how taking sick time challenges the beliefs of having to do something, being lazy, others are more important, I’m not that ill – all that stuff our heads run with. It is also my experience that going back to work too soon often leads to more time off and healing is a lot slower. Great reminder.
Anne, I loved re-reading this super powerful blog. It’s amazing how the body speaks aloud for us to hear. Loved this part too: ‘Some of us, especially the “smart” ones, can be slow learners!’
Thankyou Anne for this lovely account of self care and self love in health care.
Thanks for sharing – it can be sometimes hard to see when we need to take a break and look after yourself and not after others.
I once was told ‘Doctors are the worst patients’
Great reminder to walk the talk 🙂
Yep – that reminds me of a work colleague who ignored her back twinging because she thought that she ought to carry on working and then ended up collapsing and having 5 weeks off work. We really do need to self nurture before we can consider being of service to anyone else. It’s not how we’ve been brought up, but it’s how we can choose to live from here on. It’s great to have this lack of self care exposed for all of us, thank you for the reminder!
Anne, this is a really beautiful and powerful account of what can happen when we don’t truly listen to and honour our bodies and ourselves. You ARE truly lovely and to feel that you didn’t allow yourself the absolute love and grace that equals who you are is something I feel we can all relate to at times and learn from. Let us all go so much deeper into honouring that stillness and grace that is within us and see where it leads – we have nothing to lose and everything to gain in doing so.
If it is true that we are indeed returning to the love that we are, (something I feel to be absolute), then why not put our foot on the accelerator. This morning your sharing has truly inspired me to honour me more deeply then ever – thank you!
Thank you Anne, I did exactly the same the last time I had an operation a couple of years ago. It was still a real ouch for me to read what you did, knowing I did the same and got equally ill from my self-disregard. You are right that ‘Some of us, especially the “smart” ones, can be slow learners!’. But I have learned that giving myself the chance to stop and maybe say- I did that and this is what it felt like – it changes it. It always amazes me that giving attention to a pain, a discomfort, a tiredness, a tummy ache, an agitation, a stress, a headache etc, it always changes what is going on if I allow myself to feel it fully. I am just so smart that sometimes I forget this! 🙂
Hi Anne I can very much relate to your post. How easy it is to go into the doing, the taking care of another, how easily I can over-ride the signs my body is offering me to go deeper, to feel what is really going on. Like your leg, I am constantly repairing the damage I have done to my body by not listening……being smart is not so great, especially for the body.
Thankyou so much Anne for your honesty and this clear perspective of your post- operation healing experiences. As you know the process of surgery inside and out and personally now – this is such a strong supportive message for anyone having surgery to surrender themselves to the complete healing of it all – including as you say taking the doctors advise.
So True!!
Anne I totally relate to your words, I myself have found it very hard to allow my body the time and deep rest it requires to fully heal. You so clearly point out to heal in this way we need to surrender deeply into our stillness and to let go of our mind and all the different places it tries to take us, I have found this to be a challenge, lovingly though, I keep getting presented the opportunity to offer myself this Love. Thank you Anne your words have given me much to Lovingly ponder on…
Oh how well I know this pattern! Especially the emptiness when not ‘doing’ – not being simply enough as I am. It has finally got through to me this year. What you have written Anne is a beautiful nomination, especially the revelation that in fact the Ancient Wisdom is supremely practical – if we care for and love ourselves complications do not arise. We in fact heal much faster loving ourselves by listening to the doctor who has so much experience in how long it takes to heal. Great exposé!
Thankyou Anne !
It is ironic that taking a moment, a moment could be a stop for 5 minutes or a moment of a few days is so hard for us to put into practice. Is it because when we stop to take the moment we get to feel where we are at as we have to be with ourselves. Yesterday I did some wonderful training “Self care in the Workplace” with Bernadette Glass and Vicky Geary. A group of 20 woman got to participate in this workshop that as stated in their handouts “explores the increasing need for self care as this ultimately determines the quality of service within any organisation”. When this group of people stopped to feel their bodies and where they were at the feedback from the participants was amazing. The very first thing people shared was how tired they truly were, exhausted in fact. This was really confronting for people to feel and this all came up when we stopped for just a few minutes.
Here is another one from the Balkans: Every school is paid for! Not necessary in monetary units, but in consequences!
Did your surgeon say: Told you so! 😉
Thank you for sharing this experience, Anne, and the lesson it provides.
‘All that lovelessness, all that disregard, all those years of putting others before myself, of not listening to my body, of over-riding what I did feel, see and hear, of pushing through pain, tiredness, sadness’…will come to a head, if we choose to continue living with these patterns of behaviour.
A great story that you share Anne as I am sure many of us can relate to this regardless of whether or not we have had surgery.You gotta love how the body speaks to us, painfull as it may be…our body is always talking to us…whether we listen or not is our choice. There are so many times I have not honoured what I have felt and what my body was telling me…and instead run with my head and put others and situations as more important than me, all at my expense. But in recent years that has been changing and when I do choose to listen and honour me, its magic & lovely to be me. Here’s to listening to our inner wisdom!
So true Marika, ‘our body is always talking to us…whether we listen or not is our choice’. I have largely ignored what my body was telling me, putting others first and generally disregarding myself, in recent years with the understanding gained from talks by Serge Benhayon, I now choose to listen and honour me.