by Alexis Stewart, care worker with the intellectually disabled and yoga teacher, Sydney, Australia.
When I was a girl I used to go to friends’ houses for tea (‘tea’ being a word in England that refers to an early dinner. My favourite tea was macaroni cheese and chips). Going to other people’s houses was always a bit odd, because other people’s families never did things quite the same as my family did; for example some Mums used to tell their kids to wash their hands before eating, which is something my family never did. So when issued with the command to wash my hands by someone else’s Mum, I would dutifully file into the bathroom with the other kids and copy the way that they waved their hands in the general direction of the taps. There was one thing however that most Mums seemed to have in common and that was the nagging suspicion that the kids had not actually washed their hands! Funny that!
Another thing that my inquisitive young mind noticed, was that some people had stacks of books in their toilet. Now this seemed very odd to me; why, when there were so many fantastic places to read a book, would anyone choose to read in the toilet? So I asked my Mum the question, but one of the problems with adults is that, when asked a question, they often don’t give the whole answer and so kids are left with more questions than they started with. Having spoken to my Mum, I now understood that some people like to read whilst doing a poo, however this additional information just left me more perplexed than ever; I mean, why on earth would someone choose to sit and read in such a smelly place? You see, my experience of doing a poo was that it was a very short enforced break in my endless day of play, therefore I was left with no choice but to add the fact that some adults liked to read in the toilet, to my growing list of the weird and not so wonderful things that adults liked to do. Already on my list was the fact that when offered a massive range of flavoured crisps, my Dad would always choose ready salted! To my young mind, this was simply unfathomable!
It was only really recently, that I actually understood the whole reading in the toilet thing. For the first time in my life I became regularly constipated and whilst sitting there one day, I realised that the people who had stacks of reading material in their toilets were probably suffering from constipation. Funny isn’t it, how we often piece something together years after the event.
For those who have never been constipated, it’s actually no fun at all, days of not going to the toilet, followed by an almost dread of going when you finally do. This had been going on for months and so I decided to seek help from a naturopath. My naturopath put me on a regime of Slippery Elm Powder and Flaxseed Oil and because the naturopath was also a Sacred Esoteric Healing Practitioner, she asked me to look at what, in my life, I was ‘holding onto’. This, for me, needed no thought at all, I was very aware of the things that I was holding onto, as they’ve plagued me for almost my entire life, or is it more accurate to say that I’ve chosen them for almost my entire life?
Sitting at the top of the list, the Grand Daddy of them all, is that I have been hugely invested in wanting things to be done a certain way. And when I say ‘a certain way’, I of course mean, ‘my way’. In the past, I have felt an incredible amount of angst when people have either done things that I thought they shouldn’t have done, or not done things that I thought they should have done or failing that, simply done things in a different way to how I’ve wanted them to be done. What’s even worse is that on countless occasions I’ve gone into a massive reaction purely at the thought of what I anticipate might happen. But perhaps the ugliest part about this whole affair is that I have come to realise that my ideas about how other people should do things are based on nothing other than notions, ideals, beliefs and imaginings and yet, I have carried them around like gospel, never doubting that my way was right.
I have had what has felt like an inbuilt radar system, that has permanently swept my environment, constantly looking for discrepancies between what is happening and what I think should be happening. When a discrepancy is detected between my rigid set of made up rules and the natural ebb and flow of life, then it triggers a set of uncomfortable responses in my body. These responses include, a horrible jangling feeling in my chest, hardening throughout my upper body, tightening through my skull, a dark face, an inability to focus on anything else, frustration, impatience, intolerance, annoyance and anger. These uncomfortable responses are often accompanied by repetitive thoughts about the subject that go around and around, never offering me a way out but simply repeating themselves ad infinitum.
A rather repugnant spin-off of wanting others to behave in a particular way is that I have, on many an occasion attempted to push, persuade, hoodwink, convince, steer, manoeuvre, cajole and at times bully people into doing certain things, simply so that I could be spared the acute discomfort that I knew I would feel if they didn’t do what I wanted them to do. At times, I even made it look like I was suggesting something that would benefit them, whilst all along I was angling it for my own gain.
One of the many beautiful functions of our very wise bodies, is to impartially reflect back to us what we have set in motion. My body continually went hay wire when presented with certain external situations, thereby providing me with all the evidence that I needed to highlight the fact that something inside of me had gone awry. My irrational and painful responses were being triggered not by the acts of others, but by the fact that I was holding on to very set ideas about how things should be done; had I not had such set ideas, then I would not have reacted in the way that I did. This then leads me to conclude that once we have excavated all of our buried rubbish from within us, there will be very few, if any disturbances happening outside of us.
So my many, many moments of agitation on the outside were golden opportunities to have a look at what was festering on the inside, but for thirty odd years I chose not to look, instead I clung blindly to the belief that my way was the right way. Eventually my repeated choice to hold onto my beliefs about how others should behave led to my constipation and potentially to other ailments that have yet to surface. Basically, the discomfort that I was now being presented with was to such an extent that I was compelled to look more honestly at the choices I was making. Subsequently, I chose to start to let go and by doing so, discovered that acceptance and surrender are the antidotes to holding on. On a very physical level, I have been consciously relaxing my abdomen when I feel it tighten, knowing that the belly area is deeply connected with acceptance. That, in conjunction with keeping my awareness very open and loosening my grip, when I start to tighten around something being a certain way, has helped my body to let go.
Have I let go completely? No, but my body is showing me that I have let go a lot, because it too has let go and going to the toilet has gone back to being a brief pause in-between my playtimes.
Read more:
- Constipation – it’s not sexy but we do need to let go!
- Your body and disease – what does it all mean?
Related tags – Combining esoteric medicine and conventional medicine
Medicine and Serge Benhayon 
Alexis, I read this whilst sitting on the loo, I call it space management (LOL). But on the serious side, there is much to ponder on with the signs and symptoms our bodies portray not just on a daily basis, but over the years.
I too used to experience constipation despite thinking a high fibre diet, exercising and drinking plenty of water was healthy for my body. But this holding on to emotions of, “should have and would have” or unresolved or broken conversations, played havoc on my bowels as well as my throat. There was one deadly constipating belief (and there’s many more), that bowels needed to be open on a daily basis, otherwise it wasn’t normal. The question I then pose is, what is normal? Over the years, and through my own experiences and speaking to others, that one person’s normal isn’t another person’s normal.
Without perfection, I have learnt to let go more of things that do not matter and I am more relaxed about bowel functions. As I build my relationship more with my body, I learn more about me. What is beautiful is the more I communicate with my body, the more it communicates back to me and I love discovering more about me…
“What is beautiful is the more I communicate with my body, the more it communicates back to me and I love discovering more about me…”, yep Shushila that really does feel beautiful.
The impartiality of the body is a beautiful thing.
I am sure to a degree we can all relate to wanting to control life. I know this is certainly true in my case. However in that control there is a certain amount of tension that we live with and perhaps an anxiety we fail to fully acknowledge. In truth, since we are vehicles of energy, we cannot control anything – we can only choose which energy either a) drives or b) impulses us. The answer, as already suggested, is to simply let go and surrender to the latter.
And for me trying to control others is a massive distraction from taking responsibility for my own life.
Exactly Helen. Had I taken responsibility for the way that I felt then I wouldn’t have spent a lifetime frantically trying to control my life and the life of others. The reason why I was so desperate to control all those around me was because I knew damn well that I wouldn’t be able to cope well if things didn’t happen the way that I needed them to. Now that I have picked up the reins of self-responsibility, life is a breeze in comparison to how it used to be because I know that I can handle whatever comes my way.
Being able to see the gift in something like constipation allows us to explore how it came about and we have the opportunity to let go of the things that are literally blocking us up. We always have choices but it is amazing how stubborn we can be in hanging onto outdated ideals and beliefs that not only no longer serve us but have always stood in the way of harmonious living.
Without the body showing us what we need to look at we would continue merrily on our way without ever evolving. For all those things that I have held on to that have been deeply rooted I wouldn’t have been able to deal with them unless it were for things like constipation, a sore knee, blocked sinuses or skin rashes etc. Whilst they may not be so comfortable to experience at the time, when the symptoms clear because I have nailed the issue that has caused them, I feel very thankful indeed to have had the nudge that got me to act on it.
The idea of holding onto things is basically about interrupting the flow of what would otherwise just pass through. I like your example of the belief about ‘my’ way. I can relate to it very much.It must have worked very well in the past, so of course we want to apply it again, again, and again. But what if it was not about the specifics and the details of that ‘my’ way? I am beginning to wonder whether we might be shortchanging ourselves when it comes to appreciating ourselves, by not accepting that we are much more than what we do. Holding onto things, whatever they may be, gives us an illusion that we are safe, but we have yet to taste the true freedom of movement in that.
Fumiyo, I loved your statement, ‘we are yet to taste the true freedom of movement in that,’ is so true. Controlling everything makes matters worse and I can recall my old ways. It kind of feels that I got to a point where I was hypersensitive to everything and it was a no wonder people didn’t want to be around me or had to put up with me.
When we let go more, the magic of life dances with us, it is that simple.
It’s a great conversation to have around the topic of what we each individually hold onto, and I’m sure this can change week to week, but it is something very supportive to explore.
Something that I have held onto like a dog with a bone is my investment in how I think others should behave and when I say ‘others’ I am talking about pretty much all others. I have ideas about how people that I work with should work, I have an idea about how my family members should behave, I have ideas about how members of the public should be, I have ideas about how my friends should act and what holding on to all of these ideas and notions about behaviour does, is that it sets me up for tension and often introduces conflict into my relationships. What if I was simply to let go ( like a dandelion blowing in the wind) of all of my pictures of how I believe others should be and just allow them to be themselves…………
Such a great conversation and one that many would not really want to talk about as they would be too embarrassed. When we bring it back to the actual root cause there is nothing to be embarrassed about it, you get to feel your responsibility of your choices and the impact that they have.
I like the way that the human body puts in to simple physical symptoms the results of all our choices.
It is quite amazing how the human body shows what we choose and live through physical symptoms. By understanding what the physical symptoms are showing we can change our behaviour and our health.
Constipation is something that I no longer suffer from, this is a valuable reflection in itself. I have also mastered the art of being able to go to the toilet when I am staying with other people, this is also a reflection of something else that I have been able to let go of.
I love this too! The great thing is that we don’t really have to think too hard to understand what the body is telling us if we are really open to it.
What goes in, needs to be digested and what is not metabolised is let go and engaging in life is not different, acceptance, making decisions and letting go of what is no longer relevant.
Everything that occurs with our body is a message to us to go deeper and look at how we are living. In this regards the body totally takes care of us and supports us.
Our digestive system is a great teacher …are we holding on, or letting go in life.
Call it holding on, call it control, whatever we call it, when we let go of it everything changes within, and of course without
“Sitting at the top of the list, the Grand Daddy of them all, is that I have been hugely invested in wanting things to be done a certain way. And when I say ‘a certain way’, I of course mean, ‘my way’.”
Laughed out loud reading this today – yep, know that one.
With statics saying around 6.5 million people in the UK have some form of bowel problem; that’s a lot of holding on going on, we could be holding on to literally anything to have an physical impact – our nationality is one example – keep holding on to the fact that you think England is the best and we can do it alone, and it was better 50 years ago – no wonder this will impact our bowel.
It would be a very interesting exercise to find out the most common conditions of people within a certain culture and then compare them with the most common conditions in other cultures. It would be a great way to show the effects of ideals and beliefs pertaining to that culture and what they do to our physical form!
I love how body is so forgiving that it delightfully responds and indicates that we are on the right track when we start making choices to bring more love into our way of being.
Letting go of control and ideals and beliefs is reflected in our body when a natural flow is restored.
Yes the simplicity is bought back not only in our movements, in more ways than one!
Great subject to bring up, because it is something that many people don’t talk about or understand the reason why they are suffering from constipation, it’s a build up of waste that the body has difficulty letting go of, which in reflection are things we have stored up and not let go of, from emotions, holding grudges to having to do things a certain way, it all builds up in the body, and eventually we get constipation as the body lovingly gives us a clue that we need to let go of all these things.
“acceptance and surrender are the antidotes to holding on” oh yes they so are, acceptance of self, acceptance of others and acceptance of what ever situation we find ourselves in is a huge healing and big step towards evolution.
Ideals, imaginings and beliefs avoid any kind of presence in the body as they are busy with the past or the future.
We should never accept a condition like constipation as normal. It is a big sign from our body that ask us to listen to it. What and when do I eat, how much do I drink and what do I avoid letting go of?
Simple calling out of the body that things are not a flow!
Our set ideas can feel like a self made prison and you know, we are the only ones who have the key and can step outside it by observing our own behaviour and let go what is ready to go. I love how I get all kind of insights about my reactions the moment I choose to observe myself.
When we let go of the ideals and beliefs we cling so desperately to in order to feel some sort of sense of control in life, we realise life becomes not only easier and simpler, it is also becomes extremely joyful and much less exhausting. It is not so much the letting go that is difficult, as the body is constantly working towards returning to its natural state of balance and will do everything to assist this process, but more so what we find difficult is the decision to let go, that will enable the process to begin. This is yet another example of ‘mind versus body’ and the tension that arises when we do not allow what our mind thinks to be in harmony with what the body feels.
Probably anyone who has ever experienced constipation can relate to the relief when your bowels start to work again like they are meant to work. I also realized after having cracks in my anus, that made going to the toilet very very painful, what a joyful and magical process this letting go actually is. The rubbish that doesn’t support our body it just lets go of. I can do the same with things in my life that don’t support me: simply let go of them.
First of all congratulations on bringing up the subject of constipation as so many people experience it but dare not disclose that fact. It makes absolute sense that when we do not let go of things that this affects our body and our ability to defecate. The body is so simple – if we do this then that happens. In this way our body is such a supportive friend.
We get so locked in on our perceived perceptions of how things should be, and of course we react when they’re not so, and reading that I realise how vital acceptance and surrender are, and the ability to observe ourselves in how we are is a huge support for this.
This was awesome for me to read in asking myself what do I not want to accept as I haven’t wanted to feel something in my tummy for a while now ‘acceptance and surrender are the antidotes to holding on. On a very physical level, I have been consciously relaxing my abdomen when I feel it tighten, knowing that the belly area is deeply connected with acceptance’.
Rhythm is a part of everything in nature… We need to have that rhythm too… in everything 🙂
And actually being aware and conscious of the very individual rhythm everyone has. The more we honour that with presence, the more our body will be able to communicate and let go of things that don´t belong to it.
The rhythm of the Universe is like a constant metronome, humming away in the background and then there’s us, who are a natural part of the Universe thrashing around on the surface with our behaviours and our emotions. We need to simply allow ourselves to surrender back into the rhythm of the Universe, a rhythm that naturally pulses through our bodies constantly. If we could only just let go then we would fall back Home in an instant.
Thanks Alexis, I appreciated your sharing about the acceptance and surrender, and how tension in the digestive system could be us clenching it like a tight fist instead of accepting what’s there to be accepted as it is and then letting go.
I can so relate to the internal chaos that happens when we react to things. For years I wasn’t even aware that all this was going on in my body, and would wonder why I felt so stressed or anxious. Since learning to actually feel how my body is throughout the day, I started to see how the choices I was making directly affected what was going on in my body – and to be aware that I had a choice about it. What happens in my body isn’t just something inflicted on me by the world, and isn’t something permanent that I have to put up with forever. What’s also amazing about the body is how quickly it responds once we start to truly take notice of what it’s telling us, and take deep care of it.
‘..acceptance and surrender are the antidotes to holding on’ Constipation is more or less ‘normal’ nowadays but if I look around me who is truly in acceptance and in surrender to what life presents us with? ‘Holding on’ is what I learned too and it feels good to let go of my behaviours, beliefs and ideals that prevent me from accepting myself and life as it is and surrender to what is asked of me.
Yes indeed, it never ever pays to hold on, no matter where or what it is… It’s just not natural to the body.
The whole of life is in a constant state of movement and so attempting to place a restriction on it, which is, of course what ‘holding on’ is, is going against the natural order of things. And it is by going against the natural order of things that we run into trouble and conversely it’s when we loosen our grip on life and allow ourselves to be taken by the current that life becomes effortlessly joyous.
i love that.. ‘effortlessly joyous’ – it’s incredible how much effort we put into making life complicated and not at all joyous, simply by holding onto what we most need to let go of.
And the harm long term on the body and the quality we live brings with it health issues that take some time to heal.
Too true cjames2012 letting go is everything
Funny that – I was supported by a practitioner today who simply said to me ‘ it is OK to let go of the past’ – and in this – it made me reflect on the recent constipation I have been going through and how I do have these ideals of how things will be based on how they have been – so in that is an opportunity to look at why I hold onto things as it is actually wrecking my body to do so.
My body has been showing me how I have been holding onto control, not of others but of areas in my own life that have stemmed from past experiences which I have chosen to hang on to and live from. As I let them go I realise just how limiting they have been and have been barrier to the natural abundance and flow that is there.
There have been odd occasions in my life when I have become constipated when travelling and I hate it because it makes me feel nauseous and sick to the stomach as if the body is desperate to expel this substance from the body. In those moments the nausea is far worse than being constipated, and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone to have to go through that just for a bowel movement.
Julie your reply reminded me of when I was in my teens and I was so unbelievably disconnected from how my body felt that I often didn’t notice that I hadn’t gone to the toilet for such a long time that I eventually ended up doubled over in agonising pain. It was so bad on one occasion that I ended up in accident and emergency.
Considering how common constipation is, perhaps it is just reflecting the fact that as a race of being we human are not quite moving with the flow of what is being offered to us as we go round in cycles, but instead holding onto our familiar comfort, even when they are actually not that comfortable.
I was going to say ‘our dogged determination to hold onto ways of being that no longer suit or serve us is laughable’ but it’s not, it’s killing us.
Yes Fumiyo, we don’t even want to be aware of the fact how we are living in comfort instead fixing our problems as best as we can in order to continue to live in this bubble of not looking at our own irresponsible way of living.
Accepting and surrendering to life’s difficult challenges does not mean that we put up with abuse and bullying but certainly let go of trying to control other people and situations whom we have no control over.
What I am realising more and more is that for me, surrendering to life’s ‘difficult challenges’ as understood by most people is relatively easy compared to surrendering to the small and seemingly inconsequential components of my life. For example I have always tried to control things that I consider to be in ‘excess’, at work for example if someone brought too many groceries then this would make me feel anxious and I would be overly concerned about it, making sure that they all got used. Another example is getting my son to do his homework, I would feel anxious and think about it way too much and with both of these examples and the many more that I have, I would try and steer and control the outcome, which to my detriment equalled a lot more time sitting on the toilet! It really is true, we have to let go to let go!
‘So my many, many moments of agitation on the outside were golden opportunities to have a look at what was festering on the inside’ I am learning this in a big way as I find myself reacting to the way things are being done by others and constantly feeling critical of them rather than looking within and checking what my expectations are based on. Surrender is a big word that is coming up for me a lot. We can’t control others, so we don’t need to try, but instead we can choose to reflect upon what it is about ourselves that they are so graciously reflecting back to us.
What I have found is that the moment I make something about another person, I’ve squandered an opportunity to look more closely at my own stuff. And although by making it about another person’s short comings, I momentarily avoid looking at my own, it means that my stuff remains undealt with and therefore continues to remain stagnant in my body and hamper everything that I do.
I recognize what you share here, Alexis. A missed opportunity every time I focus on the short comings and reactions of another instead of getting awareness on my issues and dealing with my own stuff.
Thank you Carmel and Alexis, I often feel that what these situations all boil down to is an avoidance to look at the quality of energy I am in and therefore take energetic responsibility. Whether it’s how things are being done or what others are or are not doing the focus is off me and my connection and responsibilities.
Being in the flow of life is all about the quality of energy we are in.
If we were to all simply keep focusing and re-focusing on improving the energetic quality of our lives then this alone would tackle all ailments, illness and diseases everywhere. That’s not to say that we wouldn’t need conventional medicine, we would but simply to say that it would support us all regardless of the level and type of illness that we had.
Constipation is a plague of accepted proportions. It is so common that we now see it as normal and use medication to assist us to go. On one occasion I did get horribly constipated. It showed me very clearly that to avoid this situation I need to drink more water and not neglect my body.
We can hold on and hold on and hold on until eventually the body says that is enough… Letting go, is definitely the way to go.
A great reminder to look at what I am holding onto in life as although not constipated am very aware of the flow of my digestive system and what may be affecting it.
Thank you Alexis, a very playful and inspiring read, I was very interested in how we manipulate things to suit ourselves, rather than just allowing things to unfold naturally, which has made me ponder on the elements of control I may still hold and have to let go of.
It is beautiful to read an article where one is so open and honest with their choices in life and the physical consequences of these choices. An article to be read and considered, not just in relation to constipation, but in relation to every dis-ease that the body shows us.
Every dis-ease presents us with an opportunity to deepen our relationship with ourselves and therefore to deepen our relationship with life.
Love your writing, sense of humour and your honesty … please write more!
We build up an idea of how we think something is and keep regurgitating it around and around in our heads and making it super complicated, when all we have to do is regularly check with our bodies, nominate when love is not chosen and make the next movement with love.
Regularly checking in with our bodies is absolutely fabulous when most of us are so utterly disconnected from them but what if we could live in permanent connection to our bodies? If that were possible and I reckon it is, then we would have a permanent counsel (I was going to say ‘at our fingertips’) but it would be a permanent counsel from the whole of our bodies.
‘Eventually my repeated choice to hold onto my beliefs about how others should behave led to my constipation and potentially to other ailments that have yet to surface.’ Whenever the word ‘should’ crops up there is bound to be a message for us. Great to bring awareness to this and the beginning of a healthy change.
This is a very insightful article. Recently I’ve been experiencing constipation, and I have to say it’s the first time in my 36 years that it’s been such a regular thing. I’ve been reflecting on what I’ve been holding on to and interestingly, whilst I can identify some of it, there’s a stubbornness of not wanting to let it go, still feeling this sense of being ‘right’. I’m working on it though, and allowing myself the space to keep observing it and bringing some understanding to the fact that it’s a very ingrained belief system I’ve got going on, so in that I’m accepting it might take me some time to let go. At the same time, I’m aware I can let it go at any moment I choose.
Elodie what you say is also my experience. I have managed to let go of so many things but have realised that there is a big fat mother of all things that still has a grip on me and that is because I keep stamping my energetic foot and insisting that I AM RIGHT!
It is fascinating when we stop and observe that energy we go into for being sure we are right. That this is the only way and why would you do it any differently. Being humble and reflecting continually within instead of trying to make a point or saying someone is wrong has been one I am working with and have come to realise that this is so much more powerful than being right!
The power contained within the assumed and short lived victory of ‘being right’ has a horrible crushing quality to it, whereas the power that you describe Natalie, that comes from humble reflection seeks to support everyone and is truly inspiring.
Constipation – who knew there could be so much to be said about it? Yet the truth is that there is a lot to be said about it because our body is always communicating something to us that is worth paying attention to.
Thank you for sharing this rather humorous observation you had as a child. ” A rather repugnant spin-off of wanting others to behave in a particular way is that I have, on many an occasion attempted to push, persuade, hoodwink, convince, steer, manoeuvre, cajole and at times bully people into doing certain things,”
When reading this part I was wondering, how you as a young child would have seen this, and how peculiar adults would look to you wanting everything to be their own way and getting very annoyed if it’s not their way, so annoyed they won’t even go to the bathroom.
An interesting comment Alexis “when asked a question, they often don’t give the whole answer and so kids are left with more questions” This is true and even more so in these days, where parents just don’t seem to feel the space to give a full and honest answer and therefore actually often lie. It seems innocent but what does it say about the way we communicate with each other in this world if we cannot even communicate openly and in full with our own children?
I feel it’s true to say that we don’t communicate in a way that is open and full with anyone, which is how we are all able to perpetuate the lie of life that we are all collectively choosing to live.
Ah, our notion of what’s ‘right’ has a lot to answer for! and yet it’s an arbitrary notion that changes from person to person.
Why do we struggle with letting go? What are we so attached to that we would rather have the discomfort of constipation than let it go? These things are definitely worth pondering on.
Great question Elizabeth and one that I can only answer on behalf of myself. The reason why I have held on to things being a certain way for so long is because I have tried to avoid the acute discomfort that I knew i would feel if things were not done the way that I wanted them to be done, or if people did not behave in the way that I perceived they should behave. I knew from experience that I felt enormous levels of discomfort when things were done contra to my very narrow ways of operating.
“I chose to start to let go and by doing so, discovered that acceptance and surrender are the antidotes to holding on.” I too had the gift of constipation a few months ago when taking a new supplement and discovered a deep stubbornness which was revealed to me – so yes that constipation was indeed a gift – an opportunity to surrender deeper.
Not honouring the impulses of my body has been the cause, and I am still being confronted with this, of my constipation, overriding what I feel, not giving myself enough space to even go to the toilet. But in the end I feel it is due to holding back myself and wanting my body to be in a certain way, so not accepting me as I am and how life is designed to be.
It’s great when we visit each other in our homes and observe the different ways we all live for we can learn so much from each other.
Whenever I have the feeling I want the outside to be somehow, I ask myself what I am not giving myself. Where is my focus ?! I remind myself then that it is not about me- instead allowing space and respect for anothers pace of development. Actually quite arrogant to force or manipulate another to fullfil MY NEEDS.
Eventually, when our rates of ill health and disease skyrocket even further, we will come to collectively understand that it takes far more energy to resist love than to express it. With this awareness comes the necessary surrender that allows us to deepen in the expression of our love by way of accepting that things are as they are and are not as we may wish them to be.
Beautiful Liane, accepting the way things are brings a reality home that in wanting them to be different can be avoided. Only when we see the full reality will we be willing to understand the pain that resisting the love we are causes.
Collectively we hold on to so much … it is surprising really that bowel conditions are not an epidemic
Years ago there was an advert on the TV for constipation tablets, and a lady was pouring food into her handbag, and it was all getting pretty putrid while she was carrying this bag around with her. This image stayed with me because in effect this is what we are doing when we are constipated, and it feels uncomfortable not to be able to tip the bag upside down and empty all of its contents out at least once a day.
This was a timely read as I have recently experienced constipation and have been wondering what is going on with this and when I heard the word ‘acceptance’ I realised that there are things in my life that I haven’t been accepting, that I have been wanting things to be a certain way and have been dogged with this and therefore not in the flow of life.
When life is allowed to just be, then it flows beautifully but we build dams everywhere that add unnecessary pressure to life, impeding its natural flow.
True Alexis, we build dams by holding on living with an idea that life cannot only be in a flow so we create obstacles and do not accept that we are divine beings and that life can be amazing.
Annelies not only do we not accept that life can be amazing but we seem to have adopted the view that life is a struggle. Certainly in England, where I grew up, there was a very strong consciousness that espoused that life was hard and often disappointing and that it was almost better to not have anything good happen to you, because it was bound to not last. This is a belief that is widely accepted and passed on from generation to generation. There is not an ounce of truth in it.
Yes, I know that one too Alexis, when something good happens…cannot be long before something happens and knocks you down and out again. The perfect recipe for giving up on life and yourself.
Acceptance and surrender … the antidote to holding on, yes indeed and yet that second word in particular brings out all my ‘googley’ eyed control mechanisms and I sit here feeling deeply uncomfortable. Yes I’ve let go a lot, but reading here today I realised today there’s still a quest for my comfort and thus I feed behaviours in others which foster my own comfort – yuck for sure and great to get another understanding of this – more acceptance and surrender beckons (and there always is more).
“One of the many beautiful functions of our very wise bodies, is to impartially reflect back to us what we have set in motion.” so well said, so it makes sense that when we are not flowing with life or are holding on to matters that our bowel movements should reflect the same.
Acceptance and surrender are the antidotes to holding on, so true Alexis, and the more we try to do those things the more we cannot. Choosing to just focus on ourselves in any moment is a great start to picking up what we may be holding is not a part of love.
I love that conditions or discomfort in the body are in fact messages to look deeper for the disharmony we have chosen to allow in that can reverse whatever ailment we have ourselves created. In this case acceptance and surrender being the necessary antidotes to let go. It is extraordinary how much we can hold on tightly to things being a certain way instead of surrendering to knowing sometimes they are exactly what they should be for us to learn the lessons we need to.
Linda I agree, what is also helping me to let go of my life long habit of wanting to control others is understanding that everyone is on their own unique timeline and that wanting others to be anywhere other than they are only hampers them. When I am able to accept fully where another is at, I am able to truly meet them and it is this true connection that brings about the greatest change.
I find your writing style fun and cheeky, the fact that I smiled so many times through out this blog was pretty impressive considering the subject matter! Looking at illness and dis-ease in the body from the inside out seems only fitting, if everything is energy, then of course there is an energetic lesson or message is constipation. Working on letting go, makes sense not only on a physical level but an emotional and energetic one as well.
This morning at work I felt myself starting to react at the thought that someone had brought non recycled paper towels, it then became immediately apparent to me, that for me to have a reaction of any kind I must first have an investment in how things ‘ought to be’. Therefore if I drop all of my ideas about how things ‘should’ be and simply allow them to be the way that they are, then there wouldn’t be any reaction.
Loved reading your blog Alexis, trying to control things takes a huge amount of effort and energy, and our body is in constant tension because it is never in its own flow. It is beautiful when we let go of control and allow our body to feel its natural rhythm and flow.
When we don’t just reach for aperients but instead look at what is the root cause of constipation we can learn a lot and open ourselves up for healing.
It’s amazing how the body plays out the emotional state we are in, like constipation for holding on to things or in my case haemorrhoids for holding back.
Thanks Alexis…. I’m reading this in India with the gift of severe diarrhea ☺
The wisdom of our bodies and the humbleness of constipation! A great combo in this article that has inspired me to deepen my understanding of my physiology and appreciate how clearly my body communicates.
Our bodies provide us with the roadmap home, should we but choose to follow them.
Allowing the body to let go of held tension is a great enabler for clearing the bowel!
Pure gold indeed and a blessing to read and have on the internet….”So my many, many moments of agitation on the outside were golden opportunities to have a look at what was festering on the inside,” I know I speak for myself, I spent years looking outside for explanation, for someone else to blame and finding out that I had a choice and that any ‘agitation’ was a beautiful message has changed every part of my life, something to learn no rage about…pure empowerment.
Our base is stillness and so whenever we feel agitation or indeed unsettlement of any kind then there is an arrow pointing to something that needs our attention.
Letting go of needing things to be done my way is such a release both physically and energetically. The more I do the lighter I feel and the more playful I become.
With so many people in the world holding on to everything from belief systems to ways of education … to ways to govern… So many things that people are holding onto… It really is surprising that anyone is actually going to the toilet.
Hahahahaha! That’s hilarious and also very astute 😉
This feels closely tied with control and wanting life to be a certain way. A condition that nearly everyone has, whether they are aware of it or not. While we may not want what life dishes up at times, not accepting it and controlling its outcome instead sets us up for ironically more complications than we might have bargined for.
The fact is we can’t control life and so our feeble attempts at steering life our way are futile. Each time we try and get life to do what we want, we apply a force that gets registered in the body and those layers of force eventually get reflected back to us as our physical symptoms.
Surrender to life is a wondrous bowel movement inducer, as life then flows without our interruption of holding onto anything, wanting it our way. It is to say to life that we trust. We trust that every moment is here to reflect something for us to deepen love.
So beautifully expressed Adele. Life is flowing through us all of the time, the question for us to ponder is what does it get snagged on, on the way through?
My body let’s me know very quickly these days if I am holding onto something, it affects me in that way immediately. This helps to reflect on my choices and nominate what I have accepted or not accepted as the case may be, something in my life that is not love.
It is crazy really that we can be so stubborn as to try and control life by holding onto very rigid behaviours and attitudes that in truth only work against the natural order and flow in life.
Sure is and in the long run leave us feeling our choices.
“On a very physical level, I have been consciously relaxing my abdomen when I feel it tighten, knowing that the belly area is deeply connected with acceptance. That, in conjunction with keeping my awareness very open and loosening my grip, when I start to tighten around something being a certain way, has helped my body to let go.” Alexis thank-you for showing us how our choice to hold onto beliefs, ideals are mirrored so perfectly for us by our bodily movements. So supportive to begun to clock the needs & fixations that in turn are walked and manifested within our bodies.
There is a very light playful way this has been written – loved it. Very interesting to read the section on letting go of our endeavours to control everything… and how deeply stored that is in the body. I can practically feel it right now that difference between the tension I have to keep myself in to control everything and the ease with which I can let it flow.
Chronic constipation is a condition that so many of us live with and just accept because that’s just ‘how it is’. If the Energetic understanding and truth behind why we get constipated were widely known it would transform life for those of us who are holding onto and storing in our bodies that which does not belong or serve. The image comes to mind of a waste bin in the house that is only partially emptied some of the time, while the rest of the contents putrify affecting the whole house.
‘once we have excavated all of our buried rubbish from within us, there will be very few, if any disturbances happening outside of us.’ This makes a lot of sense Alexis, as does your whole blog. The image of having waste festering inside being representative of the waste/rubbish we are not letting go of in other ways is a powerful one that demands attention.
I have been constipated at times in my life, and learned to have a diet that included plenty of fibre to keep things flowing smoothly. When I have been constipated, (Usually when I’ve eaten too much meat) I have used my muscles to push and that has contributed to a prolapse and a rectocele. I had a hysterectomy and the physio advised me never to push, simply to have my knees higher than my hips and to allow nature to do its thing. That has had an interesting effect on my attitude to life generally i.e. not to push anything.
‘One of the many beautiful functions of our very wise bodies, is to impartially reflect back to us what we have set in motion’. This is such a grand truth that for me has changed my life completely. Going from being a victim of my body, feeling powerless to do anything about what would be happening within it, to understanding and learning to read its communication so we can work together on making changes in my life that then allows my body to come back to harmony.
Carolien I love the expression that you have used for your relationship with your body ‘working together’. I feel that ‘working together’ is a foundational part of our health in absolutely every aspect of life.
When we start to observe our behaviours we get to realise how everything is connected. Constipation is a consequence of holding on to what we have consumed and looking at that from all angles sometimes it is surprising to see our attachments in life and things that we are not easily willing to let go of. We think by holding on we have control which of course we do in a way but that way is inhibiting a natural flow and also preventing us from the next step which offers us liberation if we so choose.
Elaine you are spot on when you say that ‘We think by holding on we have control which of course we do in a way but that way is inhibiting a natural flow and also preventing us from the next step which offers us liberation if we so choose’. From my lifelong experience of exerting control, I can emphatically say that control is to flow what concrete boots are to swimming!
The way we view the body, especially our bowels, are usually steeped in secrecy and not ever talked about. So I really love that you are blowing the lid off this topic and making it normal to talk about what could or can be behind constipation.
I have discovered – the hard way – that holding onto anything results in an issue in my life or in my body. And it so makes sense that if we contract or try to control in any way, that our very sensitive body will respond, as what we are doing runs in total opposition to the way it functions. We mightn’t like the messages our very wise body is conveying at times but we ignore any of its messages at our peril; for every choice there is a consequence!
Life is flow and we are life and so anything that is contra to flow will show up in our bodies, beautiful isn’t it.
When we recognise and understand that everything in the Universe is energy… that includes us… our human body, then our gut certainly shows us the signs of energetically holding on to something when we have constipation.
My father was a doctor and I remember he shared that constipation was a huge health problem in the world and a major condition suffered by many people world wide to the extremes of hospitalisation to help this and the drug use also was essential to support people. The true understanding and knowing offered by Universal Medicine of simply holding on to stuff simply makes sense and allows a healing and letting go to take place naturally and a deeper understanding of ourselves and how we live.
It does not surprise me one iota that constipation is a global problem because ‘holding onto stuff’ is a global problem. We are all walking storage units for the things that we hold onto. The hurts, the grudges, the complaints, the sadness, the anger, the irritation, the unrest, the disputes, the battles, the hardship, the injustice, the ways that we believe the world should be, the pain, the sense of loss, oh the list is endless and we haul this around with us in our guts, it’s really no wonder that our insides don’t flow onto the outside.
Even or sometimes especially the uncomfortable things are what instigates a healing or awareness. The more we are open to learn and further our awareness of everything the more likely we are to embrace life.
Well said Alex but I would go a step further and replace the words ‘even or sometimes’ with always. ‘Always the uncomfortable things are what instigates a healing or awareness’ as it is the discomfort that alerts us to the fact that there is disharmony in the body and if there is disharmony in the body then this is a sign that something needs addressing.
Constipation is an awful condition and does not get enough discussion time, and is mostly suffered in silence. It’s great that with discussions like this we can make it normal to talk about a subject that most find embarrassing.
I can relate to this radar, sweeping the area, I used to get very reactionary if things and people where not the way I thought they should be, I was controlling and emotional. I never stopped for a moment and truly considered my role in all of this reaction, but then I did and things started to change for the better.
Being attached to how things happen or are done in life can be a very ingrained way of being that separates us from being in the natural flow in life.
It is amazing how much constipation has to teach us! Our bodies are incredible that way in that they show us exactly where we are struck so to speak. The body in that way is a living marker of how we are in life.
It is so true that ‘we hold onto’ attitudes, beliefs and ideals and the way life should be, most often because we fear change, lack of security and being hurt again.
I love the way that the digestive system shows us so much about acceptance, surrender and letting go. I love the way you now tune into your body and use it as a way to remind you to accept and surrender. If we remind ourselves consistently to do this the physical body cannot help but respond.
“If we remind ourselves consistently to do this the physical body cannot help but respond” that’s so true Rebecca because our physical body is the physical culmination of the energy that we have set in motion through our choices, it is a visual reflection and reminder of what we can not see and pretend not to know. Incredible isn’t it that we still choose to ignore it, even when we’re walking around in the culmination of our choices! and yes I do include myself very much in that, as I still choose to ignore my body’s messages.
“Subsequently, I chose to start to let go and by doing so, discovered that acceptance and surrender are the antidotes to holding on.” Letting go is a natural constant movement in our lives we cannot stop only retard, as our bodies are showing us, in the end our stool has to come out. Working in aged care I see the opposite movement in most of people’s lives, holding on to hurts and being in control, a way of living that does not support them at all and yes, most of them are on laxatives every day.
I can feel how I have been able to affect my digestion in my choices to bury and not deal with the things which happen each day in certain situation although they always come up in the end, sometimes the longer they are left and the deeper they are buried, the more difficult they are to get passed in the end.
“Subsequently, I chose to start to let go and by doing so, discovered that acceptance and surrender are the antidotes to holding on.” – it makes sense that constipation would be caused by holding on. Our bodies are designed to work in a flow, and if there is any interruption to this, something will be presented to show us that the flow is not there.
Sandra I agree completely that our bodies are designed ‘to work in a flow’ in fact they are the same design as the flow, hence we are meant to be the flow within the flow, which is why surrender is such a crucial quality in life.
Constipation really does teach us a lot. It can definitely teach us when to stop eating certain foods as they are no longer evolutionary for us and our bodies. It can teach us to come back to the body and feel, because when one is constipated you just have to feel the body, it isn’t pleasant, but it definitely makes you check in with your choices.
and as basic as it may sound, I have found it invaluable to respond to my body’s first signs of movement and not to wait until later, as often, if I wait, later never actually comes.
I may deal with constipation once or twice a year and than it is only a day or two but when I travel I feel my toileting excursions are irregular. I am away at the moment and after just completing an Esoteric Yoga course where we bring attention and honour every movement our body needs to make to be able to surrender, I considered a few things about using the toilet. When we sit in an office chair or in a lounge chair we use cushions or foot stools or adjust our chair to support our body in that position. But do we do the same when we sit on the toilet? Is the seat too hard, are our legs dangling and going to sleep or are we hunched and not sitting forward or up straight? At home I have an awesome stool that is designed for the toilet that supports the body but when I go away I don’t have that. This blog has reminded me that this is as an important part of my packing as is clothes or shoes.
We are always presented with opportunites to learn, I have had to learn to become a more open student to have this relationship less frought with struggle, and filled with more appreciation.
Super cool and a point of inspiration about the responsibility we can take for our own health and well being.
The more I accept, appreciate and respond to my body’s infinite wisdom and constant signposting, the more in awe I am of the insight we have into life, our choices and the fun we can have exploring all of the above.
Matilda I just love the fact that you consider exploration into self ‘fun’, as all too often it’s viewed as either arduous or tedious or both!
Yesterday I let go of my ‘To-do’ list. I still had about 8 things on it but I had been feeling for a while that it was keeping me in ways of being that were not true. I could feel how I am attached to getting things done and crossing them off my list. I can feel how the desire to ‘get things done’ puts me into a momentum that hampers my beingness. The other thing that my drive ‘to do’ does, is it interferes with my innate knowing of what order to do things in, i.e. I am drawn to do things on my list so that I get them done, even when my body is pulling me to do something else. So now no ‘To-do’ list, just the impulses from my body, I can feel the truth in what I am doing and the falsity of my lists. I am learning to implicitly trust my body again, for it always knows what’s best, always.
Most would not consider being constipated as a gift, or any illness for that matter, but when you look at it as a message from the body, it makes perfect sense – how many others messages are we receiving constantly, and what do we do with them. It also makes sense to learn how to read the signals the body is presenting so that we can be more responsible with our own health.
Alexis, I love how things get set up to just be there at the right time, like me reading this blog today. I’ve been looking at how I accept and surrender more and here is your blog, and it reminds me that having set ideas of how things should be does not work and in fact interferes, and the biggest thing to pop up almost in neon for me today, is those ideas I have of how things should be, where do I get them from anyway, so I’m holding myself and others up to a picture that doesn’t even belong to me.
It makes sense that holding onto beliefs, wanting it my way, needing to control etc affects the bodies natural process of letting go and in addressing these allows the body to be in more balance, with it’s natural processes and flow.
For me at the moment I am working on letting go of a sense of duty and obligation, all for a need to belong. I can see how this was rife within my family belief systems. Too many lifetimes around religion and being a subservient wife and not honouring my deeply sacred self.
Julie I think it’s wonderful that you have brought enough space around these feelings to be able to stand back and view them clearly, so many people live with a sense of duty and obligation but do not realise that they are, because there is no gap between them and their feelings. When there is no space around how we feel, we end up wearing our feelings like a body suit and it becomes incredibly hard for us to extricate ourselves from them.
Letting go = freedom
If we let go of everything at once, in the same way that we are able to drop a pile of dirty washing we would be back with our soul in a trice.
I get this – our relationship with Soul is a totally innate and natural one. The madness is the effort and energy we put into interfering with this. So yes to dropping the dirty washing!
Constipation is truly a gift. It shows me how I have been living. There is no point worrying about it or forcing it, my digestive system sorts it out in it’s own time. It needs to process what I have given it in whatever way. I can simply observe and wait. It makes me appreciate my flow when it is happening, which is most of the time.
The more I relinquish control, the more open I am to learning… there is a relationship with humility building in me that is very inspiring.
Control acts like a barrier, it is an unseen forcefield that keeps an unquantifiable amount of things out and a huge array of things in and when you consider that just one of those things is love then you really get to feel just how disruptive control is.
It might seem odd for us to speak about a health condition as being a ‘gift’ but when we realize that this is the body’s way of letting us know that we are making unloving choices, and it is providing a stop moment or a wakeup call to alert us to what we are doing, then we might be willing to take heed and make changes before things get worse. If however we carry on ignoring the signs and blaming things for our condition we will continue to override the messages until it is too late.
I can relate to this very well Alexis. In the last weeks I realized as well, how often I want, that people should behave in a certain way. I had so many notions, ideas and beliefs. And now I have found out like yourself, the moment I let go of all these impositions on other people, my life is much more flowing, and I can go to the toilet on a daily basis, which was unfathomable a few years ago.
Alexander your use of the term ‘impositions on other people’ is so apt as wanting, needing and indeed hoping that others are going to be different in some way to what they are, is indeed an imposition and one that actually hinders them from true change. Acceptance and love are true catalysts to change.
I suffered from this as a child and remember the discomfort well. My body was telling me that I was not digesting what I was reading and feeling about life – I was not letting life flow around me and accepting people for who they are. As a child it can be difficult, because I knew a rhythm that was supportive for me, when I needed to be in bed and the house be quiet – when this didn’t happen I would get extremely upset and not accept that I was under other people’s flow and rhythm.
Elizabeth this is beautiful how you a described what is possibly a cause of constipation. Often when we understand what we are holding on to and willing to talk about it and let it go, the constipation disappears, and our bowels become regular again.
Who would have thought, gift and constipation being in the same sentence. But you are so very right, our bodies do share with us so much, constipation being one of them. It’s a lesson in love really, that we are in some way not being loving, to where our body is at, instead wanting to be able to eat things that we may have been able to in the past, but actually our body is lovingly saying, no, you can’t eat that anymore. Instead we usually keep feeding ourselves the same food for a long time, before we get the message.
Yes, I do see that our relationship with our bodies and willingness to develop our health is a layered affair. And I am appreciating more and more the intricate detail to which my body can show me things.
Certainly a title that you stop to check you have read it properly. To see the ‘gift’ in constipation is a great testimony to taking responsibility for how our body responds to the choices we make.
Acceptance Surrender and Appreciation are the antidotes I use when I know I am holding onto something that I stubbornly don’t want to let go of, it doesn’t have to be big but any ideal that I think something should be a certain way can affect the body and constipation is one of its symptoms. Your blog is great Alexis because so many people have constipation and go straight to laxatives or remedies without looking at what they are really holding onto.
It occurred to me that perhaps all of life is actually a process of letting go of things because if we were holding onto nothing then we would simply be the natural divine sparks that we all are.
This is such an honest blog that goes way deeper than the superficial responses to constipation. Normally we are asked to increase fiber, drink more water etc. Yet there is an energetic reason behind this constipation and it is dealing with this that brings the healing, rather than a temporary, functional patch up, that leaves the root cause still festering in the body.
Hmmm. This inspires me to question more deeply how often I am satisfied with symptom relief rather than exploring more carefully the things that lie behind why my body has responded with illness or dysfunction.
Elizabeth once again I am at the exact same place of choosing between a laxative and looking more deeply at what I am holding onto. It seems that as I let go of one thing it simply reveals yet another thing that I am tensing around. I am left wondering if I shall ever, metaphorically speaking, manage to prise all of my ten digits off all the things that I am clinging so desperately onto.
Many women, including myself, hold in their abdomen. This for me began at a very young age, being very conscious of not having a flat stomach even though it was never fat. It was just an idea I had from reading too many magazines, which espoused skinniness to be what is acceptable by men. I held those muscles tight for many years until I became aware of what I was doing and even recently I realised there was another more subtle level of letting go that needed to occur.
So for eons and eons we have had it all wrong and given praise to the mind, thinking it was the ants pants, when all along we have been walking around in this amazing body with particles direct from heaven, and could have been lighting up the planet with our awesomeness.
So well said Julie “all along we have been walking around in this amazing body with particles direct from heaven, and could have been lighting up the planet with our awesomeness”, rather than living in our heads and thereby turning the dimmer switch of awareness down so low that it has caused us to permanently stagger around in the dark.
To understand that symptoms in the body are a reflection of how we are living our life is an opportunity to make new choices and change old patterns and momentums.
Yes. And when we observe our bodies’ signs and symptoms without criticism there is world of learning on offer.
Learning to let go of all the behaviours and emotions that hold us back is a powerful message highlighted in your blog Alexis. Certainly a work in progress from this forever student, thank you.
And so many people, are holding on to so much, for so long … it feels like the whole world is constipated… something surely has to give… stand back everyone!
Great observations of the body Alexis. Haven’t we got the best teacher, when we truly listen!
It is an interesting observation of ourselves to notice we can have rigid set of made up rules we have decided are the way things should be or the natural ebb and flow of life. I know I have attempted to orchestrate, interfere with or control an outcome of something the way I would like it many times, only to find the best outcome is already there waiting to be accessed. I love to feel the order and flow when I allow it to be and the body puts us right back on track to feel this.
“Basically, the discomfort that I was now being presented with was to such an extent that I was compelled to look more honestly at the choices I was making.” This sentence made me wonder whether we would look at anything with out the pain and discomfort that compels us to look?
“So my many, many moments of agitation on the outside were golden opportunities to have a look at what was festering on the inside” I love this line – rather than dismissing the agitation I feel, I now understand it to be a great indication or symptom of something that needs attending to just as we see physical symptoms.
‘Subsequently, I chose to start to let go and by doing so, discovered that acceptance and surrender are the antidotes to holding on.’ This is pertinent to me as it makes it clear to distinguish the choices I can make in my own life and why I make them at the same time as those things that I can’t control and so the investment that may exist in some of the aforementioned choices or an outcome.
A great starting point is ask in earnest ‘what truly can we control?’
Spot on Alexis, control is so insidious and permeates far more than we care to know, its a barrier to awareness.
My favourite ’tea’ was deep fried fish and chips followed by chocolate ice cream with whipped cream on top….. mmm… not so healthy.
Linda I love your use of the phrase ‘in partnership with the body’ this is in stark contrast to how so many people feel about their bodies. Its very common for people to either feel let down by their body or even worse that their body is the enemy.
“One of the many beautiful functions of our very wise bodies, is to impartially reflect back to us what we have set in motion.” and “once we have excavated all of our buried rubbish from within us, there will be very few, if any disturbances happening outside of us”. If these fundamental facts were understood and embraced humanity would we be far more ahead in our evolution.
This blog represents the power of medicine and esoteric medicine combined. It’s common sense that our physical challenges must have some correlation with the way we live and operate. We are going to look back at the esoteric way in years to come and wonder why everyone wasn’t taking this whole approach to their own health and well-being.
The way you write has an innocence and fun that I enjoyed so much, thank you for expressing on this sometimes uncomfortable subject with such joy and sweetness!
What occurs to me is how a dysfunction in our bodies can be accepted as being ‘normal’ just because it might be usual for us. In this we then ignore the messages from our body that is trying to communicate to us that there is an imbalance or disharmony that needs attention, and we also then do not recognise that perhaps we also need to ask support from a medical practitioner.
Lucy it’s so true what you say, we have accepted dysfunction as normal. Nearly every body seems to carry Panadol around with them for when they get a headache but we never seem to question why, what’s causing the headache. Headaches are so accepted as part of how we are that we don’t even register them as a sign that something is wrong. This is a slippery slope as the severity of illnesses that we see as normal is gradually escalating.
What strikes me is how often we do not listen to our bodies until there is a major condition or communication and then we wish we had listened and responded much earlier before we had allowed things to get so bad.
Unfortunately there are millions upon millions of people who even when faced with a major calamity in the body, still choose to ignore what the body is being presented. So hellbent are we at continuing with our dysfunctional ways of being that even the prospect of death doesn’t persuade us to change our ways.
Constipation is like the tug of war between holding on and letting go… the body cops the tension of the human psyche.
The pain is the stop that gets our attention but you have taken it further. It would be simple to reduce it to being about what we have eaten or things we have done, yet when we consider that we are, first and foremost energetic beings, how we have done what we have done also needs addressing and releasing.
As Serge Benhayon has presented many times ‘everything is energy, therefore everything is because of energy’. This made little sense to me when I first heard it and yet now it is as clear as day to me!
“I chose to start to let go and by doing so, discovered that acceptance and surrender are the antidotes to holding on.’ It is amazing what our body shows us and if we connect and listen we are shown the answers so often from what is going on wth our bodies and the way we are living can make all the difference as you share here so simply.
Your blog reminded me of my grandfather who used to have a toilet filled with reading material and a fridge full of prunes. But no one ever spoke to him about this, no one ever said ‘hey what are you holding on too’ – what if we were able to talk to people like this – to actually support them on so many levels to see that there is much more at play than the physical when our bodies send us a message.
“At times, I even made it look like I was suggesting something that would benefit them, whilst all along I was angling it for my own gain.”
I can so relate to these words and the need to control something or distract myself with things going on outside of what my body is constantly communicating to me, creating a constant sense of anxiety, all to avoid feeling the enormity of what I bring and reading the reactions of others be they positive or negative. The truth is holding in all that power not only makes me sick by not eliminating what is no longer needed, it also holds back allowing out more of who I am ie. everything that is needed.
Holding on to emotions creates havoc with our internal system, if we don’t let it go of course it will impact us on the inside.
I find myself back on your blog seeing there is another layer to this acceptance and letting go theory! The practice has highlighted that there may well be areas of our lives that we have chosen not to shine a light on because they have served us ‘well’ to that point – served us in the sense we have been able to look the other way and keep functioning! Yet when the body speaks loudly it is time to change the batteries in the torch and shine it into every corner and crevice – that is good medicine!
The lining of the bowel has many folds and crevices where flow becomes difficult or even stagnant, I agree Lucy ultimately we have to shine the torch of illumination into every kink that will potentially prevent life from flowing freely.
Yes, addressing issues (emotional or otherwise) certainly would aid in flushing out our internal nooks and crevices..
There is so much wisdom in this blog, I have come back to it a couple of times. What is interesting is how we can mask what is really going on by foods we eat. For example we can eat foods that we know do not support us, like excessive amounts amounts of fruit and our body responds in a certain way (normally with loose stools) and it is only when we cut out the excess of that particular food (or foods) that we can feel what is really going on at a deeper level, as it may be then that signs of constipation appear which is then asking us to be more honest.
Absolutely Alexis, there is not a moment that we are not given the opportunity to feel and observe, to be truthful with ourselves and about life around us…..and so, if we choose love, truth and responsibility we get to live in, feel and be this wonderousness…. again the question begs, why do we not choose this way consistently?
Our body is a wondrous thing, continuously communicating with us….the question is how truthful and responsible do we want to be?
Rosemary Life itself “is a wondrous thing, continuously communicating with us….the question is how truthful and responsible do we want to be?”
This at times subtle need to control our environment in various ways is very insidious and for me comes from a lack of confidence or surrender in my own body and my own presence.
Andrew if only my need to control my environment had been subtle but alas it was far from it. I have been a dictator for much of my life but don’t chastise myself for it, as I can clearly see that it arose as a result of being a deeply sensitive person who was desperately trying to avoid feeling further discomfort and pain.
‘So my many, many moments of agitation on the outside were golden opportunities to have a look at what was festering on the inside,’ we don’t look at our frustrations and annoyances as moments to look within to see what is going on, instead we make excuses and blame others in order to continue our ignorance of what we are not wanting to look at. I love this, it’s a great reminder that life is a continuous opportunity to learn and how it is our most uncomfortable moments that give us the greatest opportunities.
Agreed Fiona, if we changed our knee jerk reactionary moments from ‘away from moments’ into knee jerk reactionary ‘towards ourselves’ moments then we would fast track our evolution exponentially.
Appreciating constipation as a gift is quite a turnaround from being embarassed and bottling it up. It’s amazing how many of us are holding in expressing what is really going on for us. Imagine how many insights we would get if everyone shared what their insights were from being constipated particularly in regard to what we are accepting and learning to surrender to … we would all learn so much from each other that would help us all move on past a lot of stuff humanity just doesn’t need to hang on to anymore. A fast track to evolution perhaps?
We may not like the reflection we get but the body will always be truthful, so it is for us to choose how truthful we are willing to be with ourselves.
Yes and when we embrace that truth we start to appreciate all the uncomfortable aches and pains our bodies share with us for the innate wisdom it holds.
What a wonderful thing it is to re-intitiate this relationship with our bodies and appreciate the communication it constantly offers us. Doing so opens up another dimension to life.
There is nothing like dysfunction in the toilet department to bring you to a grinding halt and reflect the importance of the cycles and the rhythm of the body.
Interesting that we as a society have developed a trend of taking reading to the toilet to actually avoid reading.
I like the hand-washing scenario Alexis – not only amusing and true, but a great illustration of the ideals and beliefs we can hold. What was common practice if not gospel in some of your young friends’ homes was not heard of in yours, and surely there were things your family did that others would never consider. All received beliefs, given weight by adherence to a tradition of one kind or the other. Now that’s funny!
I am realising that the more I let go (of control, fear, need for recognition…) the sweeter and simpler life becomes; there is always more and my body is a keen and willing guide and mentor.
Very timely for me of late! Food for thought and letting go those old ways of being and doing, even expectations of others and myself.
I didn’t realise that the abdomen was about acceptance, this practical tip is great as I work to let go of what I’m still holding on to.
‘Acceptence and surrender are the antidotes to holding on’ this is a great reminder that we cannot control what happens outside of us but we have full control of what happens inside of us.
I just love the title of this article for starters, being ‘the gift of constipation’. Who normally would put having constipation as a gift?! We tend to hate our body if it isn’t flowing and letting go easily, we can be very condemning and or just reactive to it. Oh this is happening so just medicate it, use pills or other means to get the body moving so to speak, But it is actually telling us volumes, if we so choose to listen. That is the key here, if we begin to ask more questions, why is this happening and what is going on in my life that this could be presenting. But we do have to want to listen.
Holding on to our stuff, when really it’s due to be taken out, can be very uncomfortable.
Thanks Alexis what a great read – however, I didn’t read it on the toilet even though these days many people take their iPhones to the toilet with them whether constipated or not.
This blog is so insightful as to why our bowel movements are a certain way, as what is normally discussed is only in relation to the foods we are eating that may be contributing and not the root cause.
‘At times, I even made it look like I was suggesting something that would benefit them, whilst all along I was angling it for my own gain.’ It is interesting how often we control and manipulate others because it is a reflection of how often we are being controlled or manipulated ourselves.
Awesome findings of why your bowels stopped working correctly. When explained in this way it makes sense that if we have a lack of acceptance in life then it will register in our bodies as a tension, and in this case a holding on of the way you want things and people to be. Very insightful.
Yes, it puts a whole new view into our relationship with our bodies and certainly builds a sense of respect for what they tell us.
The ebb and flow of life is reflected in the movement of our bowels. If we get stuck, they get stuck. When we flow, they flow. They are a glorious reflection.
Yes, although if we are in disregard with the way we are living and the foods we are eating we can kid ourselves that we are not holding on because our bodies are ridding themselves of foods that do not support us, thus hiding the fact that we are holding onto life and not in the flow.
To live in acceptance and surrender we let go, without any struggle, of what is no longer needed. Why are we holding on to that which is old and of no use anymore and already processed. Since I follow my impulses and give more expression and don’t hold back my joyful self, there is more flow in my life and in my body and there is no space for constipation.
If we cannot let go on the toilet then we need to look at other areas of our life that we are not letting go. Could be that we hoard belongings or holding on to blaming others or holding on to hurts. The constipation is our bodies way of communicating to us that there is something in our behaviours for us to look at and let go of.
And as I build a more and more respectful relationship with my body the more it shows and inspires me.
I fully agree from my own experience that once we have excavated all of our buried rubbish, dirt and waste from within us, there will be very few, if any disturbances happening outside of us. And I want to add to this that we not only benefit ourselves by having more access to the stillness within and having a fluent stool but with us carrying less stuff with us also makes us not to add anything to the already wayward way we tend to live as a society and with this make the start to change the way we are together in our neighborhoods and in taking responsibility for the whole.
This blog reminds me of when I was a child and I was always known as the ‘speed poo-er’ in my family (and still am today). I would be suddenly be aware of needing the toilet, and quickly went to find that it took me longer to wipe than to poo! And it was not about having loose stools, it was just something that happened very fast for me. And then when I was at University and with the deadlines of assignments and exams, I found myself constipated for the first time, and like you Alexis, I finally understood how people had the time to read books or do things on the toilet…Constipation was a very unpleasant experience…and it was not just about the sitting on the toilet for so long hoping to clear the package, it was about how bogged down and miserable I felt for the day or two beforehand. It is worth exploring how this gets triggered for us, and to take care to express and share any pressures we put upon ourselves. If we hold back and don’t express and share then we also can hold back in the body mechanics too!
The purpose of going to the toilet on a physical level is letting go of ‘what is no longer needed’. If this is not happening we can stop and ask ourselves, what else is not being let go of that needs to be? Every part of our life is showing us so much if we care to listen.
I do have that too Alexis, and maybe a lot of us have, but wanting to have thing in a certain way and in that sometimes being unable to accept the situation at hand is indeed causing a lot of tension in my body. But why do have outside situations such an impact on my body I am asking myself, and you have given me the answer, as it is because what is reflected to me is an unresolved issue that I have with life and to which I am reacting. Approaching life from this perspective makes life fun again and reminds me that we are students of life and in that are returning to a way of living we have lived long before and conveniently have forgotten about.
Nico unfortunately the fact that we have ‘conveniently’ forgotten about a way of life that we used to live, has lead to a life that is now so far from ‘convenient’ that it has become not only arduous for so many but actually down right tortuous and the ironic thing is, that understanding that we are living as we are through choice actually makes no sense whatsoever.
Sure Alexis, that what we think is convenient to us personally does actually not serve us as a whole but to be able to see that and take responsibility for it we need to understand that the outer is the magnified reflection of our daily expressions in life.
Spot on Nico.
Our bodies ‘impartially reflect back to us what we have set in motion.’ – This is huge as for years while developing a relationship with my body I believed these aliments to be a form of punishment. But when I deeply connect to my body that impartiality comes to the fore, no judgement, no punishment required, simply showing me what is the truth and what is not truth (which often the mind will peddle untrue pictures)
What is the difference between the people you describe Alexis, marooned on the toilet as if they have received a life sentence to be there, and you who perceive constipation as a gift? The key seems to be that you are willing to understand what it’s about and the deeper significance the situation reflects. From honestly looking at what shows up, you offer yourself the chance to unlock something that is not true or right in your life. All of this makes me wonder, just how many gifts are we given each day, but just let them go astray because we resist reading what they actually mean.
Ah Joseph, the meaning of words. Is a gift ‘something that makes us feel better’ or ‘something that supports us to return to soul’ ?
What a great blog, on a topic that is usually so taboo…..constipation. It is something most people will experience at some time in their life, from not eating the right food, not letting things go, or all of the above. Yet it is something so common, we all experience, but we don’t want to make it common speak. So I loved what you have shared, breaking down the barriers to what should or shouldn’t be spoken about.
The subject of constipation is rarely spoken about, and like you say, it is something everyone has experienced at some point, and probably a lot more often than ever spoken about or even admitted…. yet it plays such a major part of our life and is a very big sign from our bodies that something is just not working. If we are constipated, we are putting so much extra work on our bodies, and holding on to all that…. rubbish and re absorbing some of it. Yuk. If we all talked about it, then we would be more aware of it, as in, yeah that is right, my bowel movements haven’t been so great this week. Come to think of it, it seems to have been that way for a while and from there, with the awareness you are super powerful because you can experiment and change things around and see what works for you.
Rosie I agree that constipation is rarely spoken about but what really do most of us speak about? It feels to me that we all tend to skirt around talking about anything that actually truly matters or that makes a difference. I acknowledge that women are good at talking about what’s going on for them but because it comes from an energetic source that isn’t true then their conversations often keep them in patterns of behaviour that keep repeating. And repeating. And repeating!
Yes and it is a lovely day isn’t it…. let’s just keep it superficial so that we don’t actually have to get to know each other or go any deeper!
Even when you eat all the right things, if there is any part of us holding on, and not letting go, it has an effect on our body.
Yes agree, it’s not solely about the food we consume as much as it is about the relationship we have with ourselves and the world…
Yes and when we hold on, try to control the situation.. it is also felt within the body.
I love the willingness here to explore deeper and take more responsibility for choices we have made that may cause constipation. It is a brush off and lack of responsibility that blames it on some food or other that has been consumed.
Our bodies are in constant communication with us. Everything they communicate is a gift. We may have had so long not listening that their communication often comes in the uncomfortable form.
What I love about this article, and the inspiration it offers in terms of how we respond to our bodies’ signs and symptoms, is that it opens me up to acknowledging the constant communication from my body and the simplicity of listening and being guided by it.
This article shows the possibility of how much we can learn and evolve from a seemingly everyday occurrence in our bodies… and the thing is that these messages are coming to us all the time.
Self-acceptance leads to acceptance of others and letting go of judgement of them and self.
I love your blog and the innocence and truth that you have shared with. Holding on and needing things to be a certain way is something that I am sure many of us can relate to. And having all those pictures of how things should be, and then realising that they are just pictures in our mind is great as it allows us to let go and see them for the pictures that they are and the fact that they are not real but something we have made up in our minds. Just goes to show how important it is to trust our bodies and not what our mind is showing us.
The mind is a bit like a cinema screen on speed, it’s constantly throwing up pictures of how events should play out, images of how people should behave, of what we should be eating, how we should be looking, how we should be exercising, what we should be sounding like, the people we should be hanging out with, what our family members should be doing, what our bosses and work colleagues should be doing; there millions of pictures for everything and every person’s mind coughs them up constantly. We need to throw all of the pictures on a bonfire and light it and then simply surrender and accept life just as it is.
And stop ourselves in our tracks if any should should come up!
Acceptance and surrender can raise uncomfortable feelings as they bring up all that I have believed and lived which was not true and was not love. In the end it is an amazing feeling of being claimed in the body.
“Acceptance and surrender are the antidotes to holding on” and is something for me to explore as I am too experiencing the inconvenience of constipation in my life.
I wish I had known this antidote when I used to practise as a herbalist, because we can prescribe all the right herbs and supplements, but if someone is holding on and not letting go, then we are not getting to the root cause of the constipation, so we can change diet and do all the ‘right’ things and yet the underlying issue is what is causing the whole problem in the first place.
Exactly Rosie, thank you for mentioning that. I too have tried all the things such as exercise, changing my diet, taking supplements and the like but that does not really help, at its best it only give sone relaxation but not the ‘cure’ or healing I am looking for.
I was just thinking how we want so often want a quick fix so that we can then go back to the same behaviour, that got us there in the first place so we go around and around with the same issue, fix, create problem, fix and no true healing ever happens.
Exactly, obstipation, like any other ailment or issue in the body, is telling us that there is something in our lives that is not able to follow the natural flow of life. The best healing for all of this is to surrender to that flow, to that grander order we are part of, like the planets and the stars that too adhere to and surrender to this same grander order that makes all one.
Flow is a great word here. I wonder how if we made life more about being in the flow if it would result in better flow of bowel movements! I am pretty sure it would!
We so clock and notice everything as kids don’t we? Feeling life and knowing so accurately what is happening without necessarily have the language or abstract concepts for everything. We can reject this ability to feel life when we are not met in this knowing by others and take it on as as a deep hurt.
An absolutely gorgeous account of something that many would not even ponder on look upon as being something that could be digested and changed. Awesome presentation.
Alexis we must be related as we have the same ‘Grand daddy’ – I have often felt that I know the right way or the best way to do something and can feel the strong tendency to try to control how things are to ensure this is not challenged to avoid the reaction that you have described.
Such a beautiful, honest blog and much to ponder on here Alexis. I know very well that feeling of holding on in my digestive system – there is just no space! And usually that is echoed in my life as I have chosen to see things in a much reduced, narrow way.
Such a great honesty in your blog and it’s this that let’s us see what our bodies are communicating to us with our nuances unique to us
I had to laugh, Alexis, at your list of reactions and tensions in the body when your rigid beliefs about how things should be were challenged, as I could relate to it so much myself but appreciate how I too have let go of this control freak side of myself!
When we open ourselves up to hearing and understanding the communications of our bodies and their systems, our relationship with them changes. They become a wise counsel and reflection back to us of the choices we are making and how we are living. This is a wonderful revelation and a complete transformation for me, who once regarded the body as a bit of an inconvenience I had to deal with. I feel that the more we choose to listen to the body and its innate wisdom – and to respond to it – the more truly healthy we will become.
What I love is that when we embrace what our body shows us as a gift, no matter how unpleasant that may be it changes how we are with the condition and actually allows us to start to heal it. I see that with myself as I used to get super angry when my “body” let me down without seeing that it was infact a deeply loving gift of a moment to help me reconnect to what my purpose and life is actually about.
Any gut issue, acute or chronic offers valuable insight or study into the way we interact with life… from how we are with accepting, how we process/stew over things and letting things go… Quite a fabulous mirror of ourselves.
M digestion is a great reflection of if I am in a harmonious flow in life, or not.
I got the visual whilst reading your words Alexis, of a person who had swallowed a set of rulers. A pretty uncomfortable situation I think you’d agree and more than enough to freak out any member of an X-Ray department. But I feel this graphic isn’t too far off the actual effect of the dogmas, ideals and doctrines we tend to live by on our body. They are so rigid and stiff, while we are naturally fluid and expansive – no wonder our digestion complains when we try to live by rules as we were a train on a track.
Joseph swallowing rulers is a fabulous visual representation of constipation. My constipation arose from the fact that I constantly compared how life actually was, to the self made rules that I had drawn up and the discrepancy between the two was as digestible to my body as the rulers you so aptly describe.
And with all the rulers, things just don’t measure up.. and even when one tries to be perfect, it never quite reaches the mark… so it is impossible. It can be so exhausting trying to reach the ideals and pictures, and they change too so it is a never ending place that you can never get too. And we create it in our minds. It is so great to be able to see this from not being stuck in it and be aware of how we can get lost in it.
So much can be felt and known about how we live during the day from our digestion. This is a relationship which has been developing for me over the last year or so and this blog is a brilliant reminder to look deeper at what affects us in our wellbeing.
Great point, Michael, that the more we explore the more we learn and I am inspired by the revelations my body’s signalling offers.
“…acceptance and surrender are the antidotes to holding on…” and antidotes to constipation! Great blog Alexis, thank you
When we view what our body presents to us as being something to help and support us to evolve and grow it changes the entire way we treat, respond and embrace what comes to us. It also helps us shift from pushing, pushing, doing, doing to being tender, loving and having purpose and quality in our movements.
What a great way to approach any illness or condition – deal with the physical effects but also look at and deal with the underlying cause of how we are living that is creating something that the body has to clear or reflect back to us.
What a brilliant, playful and wise account of how our bodies are communicating everything we need to know all of the time.
So great to realise that everything we are presented with is a gift for potentially expanding our awareness – no matter how it is packaged.
Great point Jenny, we have become so caught up in the packaging and categorise everything by the way that it is packaged. The way that we speak reflects this way of being, if a person says that they are feeling unwell then our immediate reaction is to furrow our brow, tilt our heads and say we’re “sorry to hear that”. In fact if anything happens to someone that is ‘packaged’ as ‘bad’ then by default we commiserate with them, rather than say “what an incredible opportunity for you to look at something in your life on a deeper level”.
This is such a stunner blog!! It’s so mind blowing to observe just how attached to things we have become, attached to things being a certain way st home, when down at the shops, when at work, when with family etc… and this attachment is causing havoc in our bodies as well as making us so much less aware of the things that are there for us to feel or appreciate.
Well said Harry. Control obliterates appreciation.
What a beautiful reflection of growing up and how we see and do things differently but the underlying bodily functions being fundamentally the same as is the working of our body. All our body shows us and the holding on and letting go in our gut is a huge reflection for us and i now see this as a guide to what is going on for me too and is a real gift to feel also and take responsibility and awareness for.
This really is such a great blog Alexis as it is about so much more than constipation. The way you have described awareness and how this has an effect on our bodies and what we perceive is huge, as we have tended to become so survival orientated – like work, food, water, bills, sleep etc which is what we naturally should do but have forgotten all about our awareness.
One of the divine functions of our amazing bodies is to increase our awareness but we counter our bodies continually by doing things that dampen our awareness, such as over eating, exercising strenuously, watching the telly, smoking pot, playing computer games and a thousand other things as well. I know from my own experience that I would go from one numbing behaviour to another or more often than not, do several at the same time e.g. have a cigarette with a JD and coke or watch crap telly and eat a big plate of food. We have to continually keep applying these countering behaviours lest we actually start becoming aware. Crazy isn’t it!
Heavy! Sounds crazy but is a reality, a reality which is seeking escape from awareness and sensitivity.
When I was young and went to other people’s houses I was always amazed at how they did things differently then we did at home. I had no concept that this was possible, I thought every-one did things and behaved just like our family. Thank goodness they did not ,as I soon realized our family was very dysfunctional and I was getting a reflection that there was another way.
This is so true, we think all families act the same until we visit our friends, and then realise that what we see as normal may seem strange to others. One such visit has stayed with me and that was how lovingly a mum and dad spoke to their only daughter, and at the time I remember thinking it’s because she doesn’t have sisters, and then later I came to realise that they spoke respectfully to each other on all other occasions also.
Reading this I was like why do we put stacks of reading material in the toilet instead of truly addressing the reason why we are constipated in the first place! If we did that then we could start to read our books etc in the lounge or bedroom instead!
‘acceptance and surrender are the antidotes to holding on.’ This is something we can all work on and for me in particular it relates to expression. So often I use my mind to explain things or to control things when in truth it is my body that holds all the wisdom and when I surrender and allow my body to impulse what I say then the expression is pure love, and exactly what needs to be said in each moment. And when I move with full awareness of my body, then my body language changes too, becomes more tender, more aligned, graceful, and free.
As you describe Alexis… constipation is not only about holding on to ideals and beliefs but also about control as well – wanting things to be done a certain way rather than allowing the harmonious flow life can be.
I can really relate to wanting things to be a certain way in life and enduring things way past the point one should. Developing the ability to accept life as it is and letting go of ways that just don’t work in the flow of life is indeed a liberating thing.
This is a great simple but powerful learning here Alexis, “acceptance and surrender are the antidotes to holding on.” This understanding is the way forward to cure any amount of constipation, simply accept and surrender, and everything will flow.
As someone who has had a life time of stomach problems its great to both look at the practical aspects with the root causes, to get underneath how I’m living that is contributing to the problems.
Makes perfect sense to me Alexis because at a purely temporal level, blocked pipes are an indication that something is impeding the flow.
Our body sends us the most awesome reflections on how we are living our life.
Our body simply offers evolution. Constantly. All day, every day. If we fight evolution, our body has to show this in one way or the other. We’re blessed with illness and disease to guide us back to a more truthful way of living. As this blog is so beautifully sharing with us.
So true Floris, the pull to evolve is ever present, evolution is our natural way and when we are not evolving as we are designed to, then as you so rightly say we will become ill. Each illness and disease is specific to a needlepoint as to what area of our lives it is reflecting stagnation. How loving is illness and disease therefore that it points us to the specific aspect of our lives that needs our loving attention.
Ah, don’t you love the body and its honesty? I love the fact that sooner or later it always wins! Control is a huge issue in our society, and I would propose world-wide society. We try to control our territory, our people, right down to ourselves and I am now convinced it is through fear of letting go, of trusting and as you say, surrendering. Your constipation and sharing what you have learnt has encouraged us all to consider so much more than the fact we are bunged up!
‘My body continually went hay wire when presented with certain external situations, thereby providing me with all the evidence that I needed to highlight the fact that something inside of me had gone awry.’ This is interesting because I have noticed that when I get a very strong reaction to an external event, I have to drop whatever I am doing and walk away – it is as if I am completely unable to function in any aspect, unable to think, unable to stay calm, I just have to walk away. I can go for a walk and try to calm down, but I am carrying it with me as I walk, and may return less upset, but still unable to talk about whatever it was. Only when I have calmed down and taken responsibility for my part in the event can I calmly discuss it with the person without blame.
Love the honesty carmen, and I relate to this on many levels.
What a shift in consciousness it is to be able to bless our ill conditions and to truly appreciate the messages they are sending us, instead of berating our bodies for failing to function correctly.
What an offering we have the opportunity to share with everyone when we hold our ‘ill conditions’ as being a blessing. The ripple effect of our consciousness and awareness for this can shift the way humanity approaches well-being. Which will be an absolute blessing, the one that is being absolutely called for.
I love the feeling of letting go and surrendering my body out of the the iron grip of control and trying to cope alone.
It is quite fascinating how the gut is sectioned into areas of acceptance (ascending colon), processing (transverse colon) and ‘letting go’ (descending colon) – it certainly reflects the areas of relationships and interactions we have with life.
Thanks Johanne for the reminder, it’s incredible to have this understanding, it really makes sense when we link this to how we feel in relation to pain or discomfort in these areas of the body. The acceptance is one in particular for me that I really felt strongly, how heavy and hard that area of my body was and how this related to not accepting myself, strong feelings arising of not being comfortable in my own skin. And I have had digestion issues over the years which have cleared as my understanding has grown of how my own body operates so intelligently.
Not many people would call constipation a gift but I understand in full what you mean Alexis, the messages and the inbuilt radar system from the body wake us up from complacency to listen to what is happening in the body. It is the body’s system to get us to return to the state of harmony within itself, so it is a gift to get us to notice the imbalance within.
One of my favourite and gentle constipation remedies is to take a tablespoon of linseeds or flaxseeds (same thing) and mix them in a large glass of water and then drink it straight away. You don’t want to let it sit for even a few minutes as the seeds will swell up and get slimy and this is unpleasant to drink then. The slimy or mucilaginous effect of the seeds (once in your stomach and intestines) has a very gentle laxative effect on the digestive tract and can help to move things along. The thing to remember here is that you can only do this once, and if it does not clear the bowels within 24 hours, then stop (or else you are just clogging yourself up more!). I used this method after giving birth to my son, and funny as it may seem to some, I was scared to do my first poo post birth due to some tearing (I was worried I would damage the area more)…it worked wonders and it was such a gentle and supportive way to get things moving and to build back the trust in pooing again!
Thanks for sharing Henrietta, it’s something that I shall remember for next time I need it, because I am under no illusion that there will, at some point, be a next time.
What a great blog Alexis – having suffered from constipation at various times in my life in the past, I could very much relate. This is a great insight and reflection into how the body always mirrors our choices in life.
Could it be that reading books at the toilet is in truth a great way to mask and delay the underlying root cause that of constipation? What do we accept constipation as ‘normal’, rather than choosing to listen to our body’s communication of what is truly going on for us?
It would certainly distract us from feeling whats going on. Often I find what helps is not to be bent over a book or my phone with my shoulders rolled inwards but to open up my heart and chest and sit straighter. I am in this posture also more open to feeling whats going on in my body.
There haven’t been many times that I have taken my phone into the toilet with me but when I have, it has been due to a horrible feeling of anxiousness in my body that I have wanted to keep going with my chores or work on the computer. It is always a neon sign that I am disconnected from my body and in troubled waters. I do always then have the choice to reconnect to me through my connection to my body or allow myself to continue in my disconnection and be run by an energy that is not really me.
What a great blog Alexis – having suffered from constipation at various times in my life in the past, I could very much relate – this is a great insight and reflection into how the body always mirrors our choices in life.
Having this view and understanding that the body is a marker of truth and that each and every moment it is communicating with is the good and the bad. I know I have lived most of my life disconnected to my body but thanks to Serge Benhayon and Esoteric Medicine I have been able to open up and learn what it is telling me. This is a forever deepening how much I am prepared to listen and honour my body.
I love how you have linked the wonders and explorations of the childhood to what most people would call adult and private business only – everything makes so much more sense when we are open to take the whole in to account.
I have had the pleasure of rarely being constipated, but there have been a few times that have made up for the long gaps in between. I had my first Kidney stone recently and was told by the Doctor it was Gods way for men to experience child birth! I was prescribed some great pain medicine that also had a side effect of constipation. I stopped eating hardly anything after the third day because it felt like there was no place for it to go until I did. On the fifth day, the stone passed, and everything else followed that I was hanging on too.
It is interesting to recognise how there is a parallel relationship in how our gut works, (reacts to, feels) with the way we have a relationship with ourselves, with others and with life… its worth observing this.
If we come to accepting that ‘constipation’ has a deeper message and understanding for us and the power to release when we are willing to go deeper in our reflection of this condition then we need to consider and look more deeply at others conditions. What is illness and disease communicating to us? The body and our life as it is happening around us brings so much wisdom and guidance. We can choose to become more aware and reflective of these messages and instead of accepting the ruminations of the mind, re-connect to our body and allow the body to guide.
“The gift of constipation”… there is a certain irony in this title! However having just suffered a bout of it and in having come through it being aware of what I was holding on to so that I could let it go, I can certainly appreciate the gift it was offering. As was said in a previous blog it is not a sexy topic for discussion but when everything is accepted as an offering for learning and evolution, then no ailment can be dismissed or lived with and accepted as normal – but worked through until the body can clear itself.
Acceptance and surrender are the antidotes to holding on”. I love that statement and am learning all about this at the moment. Acceptance is vital if we are to allow ourselves to evolve.
Our bodies are amazing, how they communicate to us and sometimes it can take a while for us to register and be aware of it but then we get a loud one and you can’t but not stop and listen. Every choice we make has an impact on how our body is going to be communicating.
Living in a high stressful life also causes us to hold back having a wee. What is this doing to our bodies? It requires us to contract parts within ourselves to stop our natural flow of how the body works. Because our connective tissue is like a mini universe with us, holding back can affect many other parts of us.
It is interesting how we are used to consider and treat constipation as a physical issue solely, when clearly the letting go of behaviours and patterns in life, is what really causes the problems in the first place and needs to be addressed for a true change to occur.
“Subsequently, I chose to start to let go and by doing so, discovered that acceptance and surrender are the antidotes to holding on.” The most natural laxative in the world.
Thanks Alexis, letting go is a big one for me and I cringed when I read you sharing you wanted things to be in a certain way. I do to. And I’m getting to know more and more what there is to let go of.
I too wondered about the books and magazines in the loo thing until, like you Alexis, I hit the (very literal) brick wall of constipation. Then I got it! Sometimes I’ve used this technique, reading fine blogs such as this, to get my mind out (which wants it all done and dusted asap) of the way of my body (which needs to surrender to the process).
Brilliant. I have now come to see loo time as an opportunity and invitation to check in, really attentively so, with my body and develop my insight into how it is doing and how it communicates with me.
“…..were golden opportunities to have a look at what was festering on the inside, but for thirty odd years I chose not to look, instead I clung blindly to the belief that my way was the right way” – it’s interesting Alex about the festering or clinging on, for years, and hence the build of that inside the digestive system, and the strain too. No wonder there’s constipation (!) And i know from experience and also many people too when they do just let go (of the controlling, forcing, the expectations…) can feel experiences, times, instances, memories, hurts, that happened years ago even in childhood, then get released through the movement of the bowel, feeling totally different afterwards; cleared, lighter. The bowel is so amazing.
The more I consider constipation and the message our body is giving us the more I can feel how pushing, rushing, forcing and controlling affects every part of our body. All these movements affect the flow and harmony we could otherwise live within.
I agree Vicky, it’s as if we’re constantly building little dams with the stress, tension and hardening that we impose on our otherwise free flowing bodies.
This blog was quite an eye opener in its frankness and exploration of what is behind constipation. We can get obsessed with our bowels and how to make them move with pills, fibre, enemas etc. or we can simply ask what we are hanging onto. This may vary for each of us but its well worth asking, as we all have these ideas about how things should be and control measures to make it happen. Using our body, as a sensor for these things we hang onto that create angst and tension is a great way to come back to the honesty and innocent curiosity we had as kids.
I loved reading your childhood observations. There are so many discrepancies and things that don’t make sense to a child. We adults like to think it’s because they are young and not wise to the world, but it’s actually that kids are more straightforward, honest and haven’t accepted the compromises of life like adults have. Our society would be so different if we kept that curiosity and honesty we have when we are kids. We would genuinely ask why people are constipated, overweight, joyless etc, instead of politely turning a blind eye.
“One of the many beautiful functions of our very wise bodies, is to impartially reflect back to us what we have set in motion.” A scientific fact that once thoroughly understood will revolutionise our approach to medicine, health and healing.
Constipation has a root cause in protecting ourselves. We’re to be honest what is going on beneath our stubbornness. There’s much to reveal, to be honest and real about. We all hold onto behaviours. Not because we necessarily want to, but because we are so used to the protection we’ve chosen. Often a long time ago. Accepting and letting go is a great form of medicine. A medicine that has its roots in loving ourselves, life and others.
“Accepting and letting go is a great form of medicine. A medicine that has its roots in loving ourselves, life and others”, so well said Floris and simply to add that everything has its roots either in love or what is not love and that true love can not grow out of the roots of what is not love.
I appreciate the humor in this. I enjoyed a good laugh at the start of my day remembering the perspective of a child being bewildered by the many ‘weird’ things adults do.
Alexis, I especially love the connection you make between things that go on around us that ‘push our buttons’. I have learned for myself that if I have a ‘button’ it needs to get pushed until I let go of the non-sense which has created the button (a hurt or belief that is dis-harmonious for me to keep/hold in my body).
Once I heal or let go of what does not belong in me, then outer events no longer disturb me (I don’t re-act) so it is as if those annoying ‘things’ just stop happening. I know it is because I no longer need them.
How beautiful.
Well, I never really thought I would see the day when I would be reading about constipation and so many people commenting on it. I have moved on from reading books and mags on the loo, I now just simply take in my i-pad and can even check my bank balance if I want to, but actually reading this blog has made me revaluate the amount of time spent on the loo and why.
Beautifully expressed “One of the many beautiful functions of our very wise bodies, is to impartially reflect back to us what we have set in motion.” And what we set in motion often accumulates and sets a momentum and unless we bring our awareness to it, it can take us towards ill health. What is amazing is when we do bring our awareness to it, it is awesome to build a relationship where the signs are all there for you to consider, heed and work with – our lovely bodies.
Constipation is a blessing because without it, we wouldn’t necessarily stop and consider what it is we are holding onto. But when our body shows us by not going to the toilet for several days, we can’t ignore the discomfort and toxicity felt in our body.
Constipation in any form gives us a clear sign that we’re not in awe with ourselves. That our body can’t keep up with the stubbornness that we choose as our body is already receiving much more of the awesomeness we are than ever before. We expand, all days, every day. That is we’re expanding in love, whether you believe it or not. It is up to us to keep aligning to this expanded love each and every day and to let go of everything that is in between. How incredible is life and how supported are we to live the love we are?
I have often had constipation throughout my life and in recent years understanding that there is something I am holding onto, or not wanting to change is a great support in dealing with the problem.
This asks me to consider that everything happens for a reason – and so even if I am constipated there is always something to look at! Life is constantly communicating with us and sending us messages and it is just a case of are we willing to listen.
To think of constipation as a gift would make a lot of people’s eyes water. I have found that any time my body is yelling stop something is not working it is an opportunity to stop and reassess what is happening in my life and choices made leading up to the point.
‘One of the many beautiful functions of our very wise bodies, is to impartially reflect back to us what we have set in motion.’ – Yes indeed, we may try to avoid seeing what our bodies are consistently reflecting to us, but we cannot escape the energetic disharmony and eventually the physical consequences.
Adults can make life very confusing for a child by not expressing the truth in full and we can have avoidable misunderstandings that may affect us for a long time. We can easily break these old patterns by not enjoining them and continuing them, openness and transparency is very important in all our communications with everyone, children and adults alike.
Gill that’s so true, for a child life is simple, as an adult life is more often than not complex with held onto beliefs about a whole range of things. Letting go and expressing in full is something that the more I work on it the greater magic I am aware I am experiencing in my life.
It is such a blessing that our body forces us to stop and look at our momentum and trajectory of life.
We are so much more than our bodies functions Alexis, thank you for such an honest and open peek into what can lie beneath a simple health complaint. If we all took this sort of responsibility for what ails us, we’d be in a very different place as a humanity, not to mention our healthcare system.
An amusing and serious blog all in one sharing our bodily habits and all it shows us so simply if we stop and look at things. This is a gift and the purpose of this sharing to let go and not hold on to things being so important in our lives as I too have found in so many ways with a beautiful sense of freedom and flow when we do.
“I have had what has felt like an inbuilt radar system, that has permanently swept my environment, constantly looking for discrepancies between what is happening and what I think should be happening.” I’d never really looked at the way I look at whats going on around me but I would say I am very similar, always seeing how things are and then how I think they should be, its something that I’ve done automatically yet it is probably one of the things that exhausts me the most.
“Subsequently, I chose to start to let go and by doing so, discovered that acceptance and surrender are the antidotes to holding on.” letting go with true understanding why it happened in the first place is a great start, and then the more acceptance and surrender we bring into our lives the more supportive it is for our body as it no longer wants to control and hold on.
I used to wonder why people use to read in the toilets when I was young too, I knew many people do that and I just could not understand why I was in and out and they could be there for a long time. But your right its not until you end up going through constipation yourself do you start to understand these things.
There are never ending opportunities to learn when we listen to what our bodies are telling us. To marvel at this offering is a great start.
There is so much to be explored in those two words of acceptance and surrender and what do they actually mean in our day to day practical lives. In the past I would have fought or struggled against certain parts of life. Now I understand that acceptance involves not avoiding but observing what is in life and surrender does not mean submission, but responding in life and not holding back.
Reading about others experiences’ is a medicine in itself. The way each person shares what they have learnt or are learning is what makes it so relateable and inspiring.
Other’s experiences are, flowers that open and their scent mixes with others to make the perfume of life, that is love.
This is absolutely gorgeous Steve. Thank you.
I really like that Steve.
It is such a gift to see that what your body is sharing with you, is actually a message of love.
It’s interesting how constipation isn’t ever discussed but other symptoms are – headaches, exhaustion, colds or more severe symptoms…even hangovers are talked about and sometimes as if they are something to be proud of. But constipation – never – until now.
“Funny isn’t it, how we often piece something together years after the event.”
There is a great difference in our communication with someone when we truly do ‘understand’ what they are experiencing. Whether expressed or not it is still communicated. This is one of the humbling realisations I’ve had when the pieces have come together after I have also experienced what it is someone else has. This maybe why we say wisdom comes with age – but only if you choose to relearn and experience things as you grow. There is an innate wisdom we have that we can tend to ignore.
Being hard on ourselves is a form of rejecting the otherwise harmonious flow through our body. If we don’t let go, we cannot truly move on. We stay stuck in that specific moment. So how magic and supportive is it that our body communicates with us in ways that we can’t deny, such as constipation. Horrible on one hand, but more so lovingly open and direct on the other hand. How would we be with constipation if we could accept that it is a communication / signal from our body, rather than some kind of a punishment?
Doing number 2’s just as a five minute stop over between play time, with some time to ponder and appreciate – that’s the way it should be – no need for books, too smelly, unless it was a book of quotes by Serge Benhayon.
Your honesty and transparency Alexis, along with your sense of humour, breaks down the taboo around constipation conversations!
“One of the many beautiful functions of our very wise bodies, is to impartially reflect back to us what we have set in motion.” I would like to see that presented on the first day of medical/nursing/allied health school. It would change the way all practitioners went about addressing the ills of the body.
I agree Elizabeth – rather than viewing the body as a thing to be fixed when it inevitably goes wrong, what if we see it as a barometer for truth.
Wouldn’t indeed Elizabeth.
I feel this is absolutely true Elizabeth. Feeling and knowing this within themselves would mean there would be a greater understanding of patients, their bodies and behaviours. Medicine and allied health might become very simple.
Growing up we never had books in the toilet but over the years I have seen many that do, or something hung up to read on the wall, but it never occurred to me that it was due to constipation, but it makes sense. Recently I have been reading up on this (not on the loo, I might add) and sitting for a long time on the toilet can actually make matters worse, with regards to hemorrhoids.
Until I went to a Universal Medicine presentation I hadn’t made the full link between my choices and actions to the health and well-being of my body… Yes, I had clocked that good food and good rest was paramount, but hadn’t clocked how my emotions, holding on and wanting to control life also greatly impacted my body too.
Your sharing inspires me to see every symptom of the body as a gift to evolve.
People sit on the toilet and read not just because they are constipated but also because it gives them a time of repose where they can sit and read. A lot of people, especially women cannot fathom this as they see going to the toilet a nuisance and often hold their wee in for as long as possible so as not to have disrupt what ever very important ‘mission’ they are on.
Men seem to be the ones that use the locked door as a private reading room, a place where you are not normally interrupted within our own little bubble. A way to avoid life if just for a few moments, perhaps?
That’s a great point you share there, I have heard people say that to me as I was growing up too that, in the toilet that’s the only time they get to sit with themselves with out being disturbed, so a good time for them to catch up on reading.
I wonder if being on the toilet is for many a time they would like to extend, hence the reading material?
And for many – mums and dads especially – it is perhaps the one place where they get time to themselves without interruptions and requests from others.
Any symptom the body is showing us is a gift when we look it at from the point of view of a healing, rather than something to be gotten rid of or fixed. It can be uncomfortable or confronting to view disease in this way but for me it has made an enormous difference to how I am with myself, the care and support I am more willing to do because I see and feel so many benefits to living more responsibly.
This is a huge shift in approach to our bodies and is very inspiring. Thank you
I always thought it was weird that people would want to read on the toilet. My experience is that I need to focus on what I’m doing, not go into my head and think about other things. I’m not sure reading would help at all!
I just love how your blog show us very clearly the fact that our body is a real reflector or indicator of how we are tracking in life.
And the beauty in all of this is, it is not in the end result i.e. “not being constipated” that makes it valuable, this is a bonus (oh what relief) to learning how to live with more sensitivity and attention to energetic responsibility, which is not wishy washy – it is plain as day as you have presented Alexis.
You have shared so much about how we know a lot when we are young and have it all worked out naturally – but what happens that makes us adults that want things to be our way all the time? I indeed feel how damaging the want for control is, like a weight of bricks all across our body, ahhh surrender.
haha Alexis this was The best blog I have ever read! no matter what, life will teach us one way or another the natural flow of things. It so funny what you mentioned about what you observed when adults would say things to you that wasn’t quite the whole truth.
Yes and this is a great point of inspiration as a we parent – being aware of whether we walk our talk – because we know that we feel the integrity in everything.
Just returning from the loo library I recognised we have only one book there with very short quick to read snippets of deep wisdom written by Serge Benhayon that definitely are digestive in the best way – how to understand and accept life vs reacting to it, how to stomach life and not get swallowed by its intensity, how to process and let go of things and give space for what is next.
I love the simplicity of how as a child you saw the world, and that things just didn’t add up.. Why do we adults want to read in the loo when there are so many more comfortable and mores sensible places to read? As a child the body flows more freely and they don’t hold onto things so readily as we do as adults, so it is great to feel this and is a reminder to me, that holding onto many of my ideals and beliefs and wanting things to be a certain way is not helping the natural flow in my body.
“These responses include, a horrible jangling feeling in my chest, hardening throughout my upper body, tightening through my skull, a dark face, an inability to focus on anything else, frustration, impatience, intolerance, annoyance and anger.” And what is so shocking is that we can get so used to feeling like this we come to regard it as normal, rather than truly appreciating the level of damage we are causing our bodies as a consequence of our stubborn choice to want to manipulate and control life. No wonder our extremely sensitive, rhythmic and delicate bowel function grinds to a halt.
Yes, we get a lot of reminders from the body giving us opportunities to adjust.
‘acceptance and surrender are the antidotes to holding on.’ – I never really knew this or felt this until I was introduced to it by Serge Benhayon and the way my body started to reconfigure itself and the ease in the body from accepting and surrendering was remarkable. My relationships completely changed when I started to accept people and where they were at, knowing that it wasn’t them but the energy that they are choosing.
When the body reflects how we live and how much we are in harmony or disharmony with its natural alignment to who we truly are it is no wonder that we seek behaviours that impose and dull the body´s messages as long as we want to have it our way instead of living The Way.
It makes so much sense that if we are mentally or emotionally ‘stuck’ in life then our bodies will reflect this back to us – our bodies are a continuous feedback loop if we care to take notice.
‘One of the many beautiful functions of our very wise bodies, is to impartially reflect back to us what we have set in motion’ – Observing everything that is happening around us is an encyclopedia of information of how choices in life are affecting Humanity. Closer to home our body offers all of that and more for us to read and observe. How have we allowed ourselves to be distracted by what’s going on around us for to the point of disease when the answers are so clearly within?. Your example of the way the body can respond in regards to our holding on to unhealthy ideal and beliefs has illustrated how simple it can be and that illness and disease in our body is a response to not living ‘truthfully’ in our lives. Thank you for your honest sharing Alexis. When I read your comments around ‘Acceptance and Surrender’, I could feel my body sigh and release, such a simple and natural choice.
Our way of thinking and reacting to situations in life will only change when we let our investments go. We can’t control life, even though we put a lot of effort into seemingly controlling life. Of course our body has to find a way to let go of the energy of control. One of the ways is constipation. A clear sign that we’re to let go. And even in these moments, we often ignore the clear messages of our body. How arrogant and ignorant are we? And for what? Denying the inevitable? To accept our love and let go of behaviours that are part of the ‘control game’.
“Acceptance and surrender are the antidotes to holding on”- great reminder because I have suffered from constipation most of my life and now it is time to look deeper into why. Wanting things done my way is definitely one of them.
“So my many, many moments of agitation on the outside were golden opportunities to have a look at what was festering on the inside” The real symptoms we that we need to sit with and resolve, before they become an illness cemented in the body.
Understanding the reflections our bodies offer and the innate wisdom therein is like opening the door to a whole new level of communication. It is ‘pure’ feedback and common sense just as in the example given here – where the bowel ceases movement, we are holding on to something. What a wonderful gift it is to learn this new language and it is one that has the potential to support us all to live more healthy lives full of greater vitality and wellbeing.
The simplicity of your sharing that “acceptance and surrender are the antidotes to holding on” is something that stopped me this morning, it’s not that we have to actually get somewhere so to speak or that we need to or should in any way control anything, but rather accept and surrender and in that surrender we deepen our connection with our Soul and the universe. I Love it.
‘The gift of constipation’ offers one to take a look at all areas in life that they are ‘holding on’ to. The relief of letting go, constitutionally and energetically gives the instant feeling of being lighter and expanded.
“Funny isn’t it, how we often piece something together years after the event.” Yes, at times it takes a long time for the penny to drop and I’m not surprised this particular example is one of them. Books and magazines in the toilet? I could never understand it either. I’ve even seen crossword puzzles and biros to complete the picture. But alas, now we know what is going on in the poo department! Unless someone doesn’t get any peace and quiet anywhere else in the house?
But even the sacred bathroom door that some seek solace behind for some peace and quite… is telling us something, that we are hanging on to and not dealing with… there is no place we can hide from our body!
The body so reflects how we live. The more I appreciate this the more I see this as obvious and how could I have ever questioned this?!
I have been aware Alexis, of one of those uncomfortable responses from my body that disturbs my digestion. This is when I try too hard and make a lot of unnecessary effort or something unexpected comes along and I have startle reaction. Immediately I can feel right inside me what I call a “jam”, like the whole system freezes, followed by difficulties breathing easily, and feeling full up in my tummy. I know then that what will follow are one or two or even three days of constipation. You are so right, the making effort is trying to do things right, as they “should be done”, and the shocks are “this shouldn’t be happening” especially to me! It is all very centralised and not being sensitive to other people and the world around us. It feels safe but it isn’t, if we accept and surrender we are actually far less vulnerable.
When I take on responsibility for others, I can clearly feel that I’m stressed and that I hang onto whatever happened. Whenever I don’t let go, it is reflected when I have to poo the next time. There’s less smoothness, rather than just enjoying the smoothly letting go of that which needs to leave my body. Our body is an amazing instrument of sharing with us how we are and forever reflects the choices we make and have made.
There is a lot to let go of, a lot to appreciate. It is a science I am learning too. Something I disregarded and saw as not so important to me, not realising how holding onto the past is holding me back.
‘acceptance and surrender are the antidotes to holding on.’ Asking myself to accept I can feel an expansion in my body that is really quite remarkable. In allowing myself to accept I can feel that surrender to that expansion is naturally the next step!
When we view illness and disease as a course of correction and learn the lesson, there is so much joy in building that relationship with one’s body.
I have heard for years about the connection between holding onto stuff not meant for us and the difficulty with constipation. I never really knew what on earth was meant by it in a literal sense, but now with the support of this incredible blog it makes a lot more sense- I can see where I also have not let go of ideas/wanting things to be a certain way and how the body takes it. Brilliant yet again Alexis, Thank you!
We often feel more comfortable when things go our way and therefore try to control the actions of others. Perhaps we can learn more when we let go of our exacting standards and allow others to be.
Regarding the crisps and always choosing the same – I have enjoyed doing that as the familiarity was more important than trying anything new. The food was more about how it made me feel rather than whether it nourished my body.
Acknowledging and perceiving that illness and disease is the consequences of our choices is the foundation of true medicine.
“My irrational and painful responses were being triggered not by the acts of others, but by the fact that I was holding on to very set ideas about how things should be done;” Bingo Alexis, the spoonful of medicine that we all need to take, the realisation that how we feel is a direct reflection of the way we attempt to manipulate and control life. Not always easy to swallow, but an essential prescription if we are to truly tackle our woes.
Why is it so hard to just let go? It is just so freeing when we do let go! I have, years ago, been down the high-stress path; been there, done that and got the T-shirt and suffered the effects it had on the body and vowed never to go there again! I have had moments of holding on, trying to creep in, but they are very noticeable now and easier to catch them from escalating! I too have better things to do than reading in loo whilst waiting to go…
It is a great thing to realise that anything that is a disturbance to us on the outside is a reflection of something going on inside us. I have worked on the inside and definitely noticed how life is to me is totally different than it was before, stress and struggle have decreased immensely. So we could conclude life is really what we make of it.
It is amazing what our bodies respond to, letting us know loud and clear that what ever we are choosing is actually affecting the whole body physically and emotionally. Being able to look at our lives and bring awareness to what we are choosing and why is super important. Esoteric Practitioners are extremely supportive for getting to the root cause and healing this. What is remarkable is how the body responds to this honesty.
I just love how our body simply tells us the truth of how we are living. The more the health sciences/medicine realizes and respects this fact the easier it will be for everyone involved in heath care, be it patients, clients, doctors, nurses, allied health staff, practitioners etc to see that we are all responsible for our health and that the systems that we have in place need to reflect that ability to take responsibility.
Bowel movement – how we have moved and are moving through life.
Great point Zofia. Everyday we get a review of whether we are surrendering or resisting our divine truth.
How our physical body and its functioning can reveal so much to us…constipation equals holding on, not letting go on an energetic level and also quite clearly on a physical level showing us to look at our lifestyle. Our bodies are our guide to how we are living. If our body is out of harmony then the alert bells come on, even down to sitting on the toilet constipated.
It is important to look at the reasons behind our medical symptons and feel what we have to heal. It is beautiful what you share here on constipation, that it reflected the holding onto your own way and not letting life flow like it does when we leave it to be what it is without ideals or beliefs.
Our bodies are great at showing us how we have been living. When we start to pay attention and listen to its messages we can learn about how to make more loving choices.
There are 5 blogs on this site alone regarding constipation, it is indeed a topic well worth these deeper conversations and understandings.
When I’m told only part of the truth, I used to feel unsettled. Something was missing. I’m becoming to see how important it is for me to either express this or at least admit it for myself. Because if I don’t, self-doubt kicks in. I am to express whatever I feel, because if I don’t – I keep things inside and it’s like holding people to ransom. Which on the far end leads to constipation and frustration of some kind. I am not responsible for other people’s feelings, yet I am responsible for mine! Not for ‘managing’ others.
Constipation has many causes, but how many are not caused by us and the way we live? Stress, food and lifestyle must be close for the top three. So, to allow this self-abuse we, build a library in the toilet?
It’s so true that we ‘piece something together’ when we have actually experienced it ourselves first hand. This can be a humbling experience if perhaps judgment has been held up to that point. This is why choosing observation and being interested to understand by talking about something can bring a whole lot of light and insight so we can discover, explore and learn about others and their choices rather than shut them out with our own pre-conceived limited view.
How the uncomfortable conditions of our body can be such wise communication and key to making the healthy changes we otherwise postpone, and interesting that we often need the discomfort to realize the harming comfort we hold on to and thus expose the comfort for not really being comfortable at all.
Yes, without discomfort – why make a change?
This is very true.
‘acceptance and surrender are the antidotes to holding on.’ Just reading this Alexis I felt my body begin to let go. I think perhaps this phrase could be well positioned in public toilets across the world!
Our bodies are amazing. When I have the awareness of how something affects me – food or reactions and I conveniently forget this the next time, my body shows me instantly. I cringe but I see it as a blessing because it confirms what I already knew and enables me to let it go without any doubt.
“Acceptance and surrender are the antidotes to holding on” – they are the antidotes for many things. Acceptance of who we truly are and surrendering to that truth.
It’s great to look so honestly at any ailment or discomfort our bodies show us, so that it doesn’t develop into something more serious.
I have heard a few people talk about constipation before and how this is the physical result of ‘holding on’. My first impression was this must relate to ‘holding a grudge’ or thinking of a past event again and again. Thanks to your words Alexis, I have finally got that for me, holding on is a lot more to do with a relentless control and the way I see life as right and wrong, black and white. No wonder I avoided seeing this connection up until now as it means giving up this continual belief that ‘I know best’. But everything in life, including my poo is telling me this just isn’t true. What a relief to finally let go!
So beautifully said Joseph, it can be all too easy to fall into ‘I know best’ and not wanting people’s help as it won’t be done in the way you want it to be done. In doing this, the body is held in huge tension and no one else is given the opportunity to learn for themselves
It is interesting to explore our own rigid set of made up rules we can live our lives by, not even realising they were there, restricting the natural ebb and flow of life. I can relate to the uncomfortable responses as you described and the repetitive thoughts about the subject that go around and around, repeating themselves so it became a downhill spiral. Having acceptance and surrender as the antidote to this behaviour feels a very real way to overcome many of these patterns, an acceptance of self having done this for ages but knew no other way out at the time and a surrender to a different living way, a bigger picture altogether. It is great to celebrate the future changes to come.
I agree Gill, sometimes it can feel difficult to start accepting life or let things go, but it can start with very simple surrender – letting go of the constant thoughts and worries, letting go of trying to be anyone but yourself.
This is a brilliant account of how possible and amazing it can be to listen to our bodies and heed its messages and communication to us – and how it is never too late to do this.
Interesting to consider that how we are in our relationships affects our bodies too, there was one friend, whenever we spoke on the phone, in the middle of our conversation, I would suddenly get the urge to go to the toilet and evacuate my bowels – I never quite worked out what exactly was going on, but it happened so often it was a sign that could not be ignored.
“… but one of the problems with adults is that, when asked a question, they often don’t give the whole answer” and leave us feeling confused for years! What a disservice we do to our children and ourselves by not being completely open and transparent about life. It’s no wonder we get constipated if we cannot even communicate these simple truths about life.
When we, have a need to control everything around us and have a hard grip on everything in our life do we not petrify all other functions in our bodies? Could it be this is also where the expression, ‘heart of stone’ originates?
In the same way that constipation is a gift I now also see the opposite, diarrhoea as an equal gift. It feels like a deep confirmation of letting go or that the foods and way I’ve been living before needed to not be taken forward into the next moment. I used to have a very different view on it!
It is fascinating how bowel movements do reflect the way of living, and importantly the quality of that living… the more we let go, let up, start to be easy with ourselves over prior criticalness/harshness/control, the more the body responds to this gentle and natural way of being. And in its opposite, crams up to create a mass or blockage that needs to be cleared.
Today I celebrate that letting go is indeed a choice. In every moment. Every reaction is in fact chosen. And we’re to choose after the reaction if we want to stubbornly hold onto it – often blaming something or somebody outside of us – or let it go. It is a choice of returning to our heart or holding the world to ransom.
Very powerful blog Alexis, the simplicity of this learning is profound for anyone who has experienced constipation. I have to say I love this sentence “So my many, many moments of agitation on the outside were golden opportunities to have a look at what was festering on the inside” Festering is exactly what it is all doing in there!
When we think that our way is the “right” way then when something is done differently it must be wrong. Judgment and separation being the out come of this way of being. In other words non acceptance.
There is a lot to ponder in this blog! I feel there is much for me to let go of completely ! I love your humorous approach too Alexis, its easier to learn when we add humour to the mix which you do so well.
The way we choose to live, interact and respond to people and situations has a flow on effect on our body. This shows that every choice we make affects our body in some way, and also affects people around us.
Funny how we come to realisations later in life… I had a relative who always had magazines in their toilet and I used to wonder why on earth anyone would want to spend time in a toilet. I came to the conclusion you would only do that if you had to, so then it must take a while ‘to go’ (i.e. constipation). However, what I came to realise later is that this may not have been the case, but that it was time out from their partner, and possibly family!
I really appreciate the honesty in which you write Alexis, thank you.
How the body communicated with us makes so much sense. It is quite hilarious when you think about it.
I love this story as I also remember wondering why on earth people would want to read on the toilet, it was uncomfortable and smelly? Your story shows the benefits of understanding our conditions on an energetic level as well as supporting ourselves physically.
Incredible how we hold on to behaviours and beliefs for some kind of false security even though we know they are harmful to our health and our relationships.
Constipation has many causes, but how many are not caused by us and the way we live? Stress, food and life style must be the top three. So, to allow this self-abuse we build a library in the toilet?
As is constipation a gift to look deeper in what we are holding on to, our body is showing us different signs all of the day. To reconnect to this communication is for me the way to go, as what my body is telling has up to now never failed me and I have found it to be a much better companion that my mind, that has been my big friend for a long time in my life but never gave me that support that my body is now giving me.
Hygiene is one of those things we all seem to have different standards about. Medical staff are very conscious of hand cleanliness so they don’t pass on germs between patients, but I have seen less care taken in restaurants where food is being prepared that many people will eat. There was a move afoot in the UK a few years ago to put the dirt back into supermarket vegetables because the ultra clean regimes meant we as children were not building up our natural resistance to bacteria. We fight bacteria – heaps of money is being made on chemical products that kill bacteria (99% of all known germs) and now we find out that the anti-bacterial soap we were using has been going down the drain and ultimately killing fish. Back to basics?
Change is often perceived as a big deal and we can bring so much complication in as well, but as mentioned here, the simplicity of “… acceptance and surrender are the antidotes to holding on.” When we surrender to our bodies and accept their messages, life can be very simple and harmonious.
“This then leads me to conclude that once we have excavated all of our buried rubbish from within us, there will be very few, if any disturbances happening outside of us” – love this Alexis, I can feel I let go just reading it, it’s very inspiring. To feel clear on the inside, a reflection of how clear we are on the outside, and in life, allowing not external disturbances and disorder of the world, to spoil the internal space and harmonic stasis.
This just goes to show that years of holding ourselves tightly, getting anxious and gritting our teeth (so to speak and literally!) does have a huge impact on the body… If we continue to ignore exhaustion, anxiety and other markers that we aren’t looking after ourselves then the body has to catch our attention some how.
We hold onto so many things – past relationships, hurts, school stuff, families, what people have said to us, being annoyed at ourselves, it only makes us heavy and weighs us down – it serves no purpose or evolution in life.
This is such a sweetly tender blog, you remind me that no matter how stubborn or determined we are, the body will always come through to show us the results of our behaviours.
Our body never lies or hold back in showing us every choice we’ve made.
“My irrational and painful responses were being triggered not by the acts of others, but by the fact that I was holding on to very set ideas about how things should be done…” This is a powerful realisation to know that in fact what anyone else does is fine, but it’s our reaction to it that needs looking at. If we held ourselves more and reacted less, life might take on a new perspective.
I know first hand what you’re sharing here Alexis and am still a work in progress with it. Having read your blog, I’m going to be more vigilant with how my body feels when I go into control and needing things to be done a certain way. Thankyou.
‘One of the many beautiful functions of our very wise bodies, is to impartially reflect back to us what we have set in motion.’ I love this sentence Alexis. That our bodies are completely impartial and are so full of wisdom it is so worth listening to them.
Great blog Alexis…super playful and yet very poignant.
The heading of your blog brought a smile to my face, very cheeky. It’s great to read a blog that brings appreciation to an ailment in our body. It’s such a flip side to how many would view such an irritation. To surrender and accept what wisdom our body offers, is one of the greatest medicines we can take.
You’ve shown how we can put ourselves into a ‘stance’ and the body literally changes its function because of it. How amazing to have such a responsive body that can show is exactly what is going on when we are willing to go deeper and ask those revealing questions.
I wonder if the ‘reading matter’ is still away of avoiding what is there to be felt?
“One of the many beautiful functions of our very wise bodies, is to impartially reflect back to us what we have set in motion.” Yes so true and if were able to see all illness and disease as the body’s way of reflecting back to us our dis-harmonious way of living we would take much more notice of all our ailments. Constipation may not be seen as an illness but it is the precursor to showing us that our body is not flowing in constellation with the natural flow of life that is all around us
Our gut health is a brilliant barometer and reflector of the whole health of our body, and our ‘movements’ or relationship we have with life.
“This then leads me to conclude that once we have excavated all of our buried rubbish from within us, there will be very few, if any disturbances happening outside of us.” And this leads me to feel how we indulge in the disturbances, the complication, so we do not have to feel the glory in simplicity, in harmony.
I am always amazed and appreciative of how the body communicates. I have recently been quite badly constipated myself, and this hasn’t happened for at least a decade. Just giving myself permission to be aware of why this may be has allowed me to open up to the possibility of what I have been holding onto. Hey presto.. In nominating that possibility, everything has started to flow again!
It makes so much sense that constipation is related to not letting go, of course things can come up for us which are difficult for us to accept but when life presents us with these situations we can choose to learn and move on from them or choose to hold on to it forever stagnant.
They say that a tiger can’t change its stripes – but as you prove here, that expression doesn’t hold true. It’s inspiring to hear someone look inwards and ask questions of themselves even if this means changing long-held behaviours and habits.
Hi Alexis, This is the third time I have read this as I find that it is a super amusing blog about a serious topic. Constipation is never a laugh but you have managed to make me laugh at my controlling ways every time I read it. This is a beautifully crafted blog.
‘So my many, many moments of agitation on the outside were golden opportunities to have a look at what was festering on the inside’ this is a great line. I too have learned that if I get irritated or frustrated look within myself first to see where it is coming from and deal with it. My constipation stopped when I started to express rather than hold back on what I had to say, speaking my truth. It was an incredibly powerful shift and my body showed me clearly by the constipation ending, I felt so much lighter and clearer. Now if I have a day when I don’t go I know to look at what I’m not expressing.. holding onto, and feeling frustrated about.
We can stubbornly try to dismiss the importance of letting go of a lot of stuff in our lives, what most people are not aware of though, is how it affects our health and wellbeing on a physical level and beyond.
Having had intense periods of constipation in the past, I now know that the more I accept myself, the easier it becomes to allow others to be who they are and the more my bowel function returns to its natural rhythm and harmony.
What we hold on to, I have been looking at that recently, there are many investments I have that I have been observing and allowing myself to let go a little more, so much about certain relationships and waiting for acknowledgement, to be seen. What our bodies are expressing absolutely corresponds with how I am feeling.
The simplicity and wisdom of our bodies’ signs and symptoms are something to really marvel at and when we are willing to listen, the changes that are possible are incredible.
Agree wholeheartedly Matilda,my growing awareness of my body and its ability to reflect the impacts of certain states of being is an ongoing development, when I become anxious I have felt pain and stiffness in my right hand and lately have become aware of clenching deep within my pelvic floor. When we listen the body speaks volumes.
When we get hard with the world does that act the same as freezing a bottle of water? It starts around the outside of the container getting cold and then solidifies. Slowly over time, everything gets solid. Are we surprised that being hard in the world, makes everything the body does, react the same way?
Simply put Steve – we cannot harden on one level and not effect all others.
What an interesting comparison – I hadn’t considered the similarities but there is definitely something very cold about protecting myself and keeping people out, so I will remember to heed any subtle warning signs from my body around temperature 🙂 The body has such a natural flow, it knows how to process and eliminate, our attachment gets in the way of that process so much.
Great point Steve. And holding onto to stuff including ideals, beliefs and hurts is hardening the body.
There are so many ways that we seek to control life for our own sense of comfort and security and yet the body reflects so loudly with ailments such as constipation that life is indeed a flow of acceptance, digesting and letting go. Go against that flow for too long and the different parts of our digestion system starting doing their own thing in discord to its natural order and flow.
“I realised that the people who had stacks of reading material in their toilets were probably suffering from constipation” – d’you know Alexis i thought the exact same thing myself .. as in i recall thinking it very odd to go to the loo reading a magazine/book sitting on the loo as for me everything was very much concentrated around the actual release that i just could not be thinking of anything else, let alone reading any reading materials (!!!) And some people took a cup of tea in there too to have as well. I guess whatever works for your body and that the way one is inside the lavatory, being a reflection of the way one is outside this room in life itself too.
I wonder if reading on the toilet can be a way of not feeling what is going on, a way of not being ‘distracted’ by our body even though this is a very physical act.
Aren’t we really arrogant when we say that we want the world to be ‘our way’. Isn’t that arrogant. To me it is really arrogant, laughable really. As if an individual, one individual can control the world, including the world of others. That’s not the way life is designed and isn’t loving in the first place. I’ve been very stubborn and for a long time I was convinced that this was the only way I could be. Now I am realizing that I’ve got a choice to 1) choose to go into stubbornness and 2) to hang on / hold on to stubbornness. This blog to me is a great inspiration to be honest and to see where in our lifes we still hold onto ‘our way’, rather than letting go. Thank you Alexis!
Alexis, I love how you tie this all together so to speak, that when we are hugely invested in being a certain way we set ourselves and the world up. Actually reading this today I can feel my many manipulations to get my way, all for another’s benefit or so I told myself and now I can see that the main benefit in those scenarios is our own comfort … we do not want to deal with our own reactions and see and feel our own set ways and world views …. something you describe is when we fight the natural flow of life, our investments bring this, how we want things to be, and the more we let them go, the more we trust that life and people are part of a grander plan we may not see. We let go control and we free ourselves, we accept and surrender.
It’s true that the body clearly shows us the choices we are making and, if we don’t stop and listen and take heed, these choices are also reflected back to us from the outside. As you say Alexis, ‘once we have excavated all of our buried rubbish from within us, there will be very few, if any disturbances happening outside of us’.
What a great blog offering such simple and real insight into holding on to stuff and sitting on the toilet to read! The awareness of constipation and our bodies and how we are that truly supports ourselves is beautiful to know and really changes everything. As we learn to love our selves and letting go of all we carry life becomes a freedom and flow of movement in our bodies for all to feel.
Alexis, your detailed description of being so certain that ‘my way is right’ is very familiar to me and I enjoyed the way you presented it which shows the ludicrous nature of it and how we put ourselves through such torture even when we are only thinking it might not happen. What a price to pay for a momentary sense of gain!
Yes, being right gives us relief, going for truth gives us permanency.
It is amazing how we have little or no idea of the ideals and beliefs that we are stuck in and blinded by.
I love how you have developed a deeper level of awareness and bringing more clarity to what has been truly going on underneath old patterns and momentums. Finding the energetic root cause frees up a lot of tension and holding on in the body.
“Eventually my repeated choice to hold onto my beliefs about how others should behave led to my constipation and potentially to other ailments that have yet to surface”.
‘one of the problems with adults is that, when asked a question, they often don’t give the whole answer and so kids are left with more questions than they started with.’ – That is so true, we have a tendency to dismiss a child’s question and not see it as equally important as that of an adult – hence children are often left with just parts of what is going on and the confusion that may cause.
I like the bit about “an enforced break in an endless day of play”. Super cute and super reflective of what our true expression can be.
What I have come to realise is that when I am not fully in and with myself I am controlling. And everyone has this very same tendency. Just look at a child, when they are with themselves, being themselves, they are receptive, expressive, cooperative, wise, playful and considerate. When they are beside themselves they are controlling, and out of control, manipulative, uncooperative, inconsiderate and reactive. In conclusion we all are either with our selves or not and when we are not we are controlling.
Kathleen in addition to your conclusion “we all are either with our selves or not and when we are not we are controlling” – could it also be true to say that when we are not with ourselves we are also being controlled? Controlled by an energy that is quick to invade any empty vessel (us) and claim it as it’s own.
We can sometimes learn the most from the things we try the hardest to ignore and avoid! And if we do look at the WHY behind health issues or other problems in life and make adjustments in our lives based on what we’ve learnt, then the experiences become actually very valuable!
So a total turn around in our attitude to our bodies’ signs and symptoms. Yes to this.
Haha, love this inquisitive blog, a light hearted look into the bathrooms of people all around the world. Constipation is a big issue and one that is growing as our diets become further and further away from some of the simple and basic natural essentials we need in our diets. But more than that, if we live a week, a month, a year tense in our bodies, stressed, stubborn and holding on to life with a death grip, this is going to have a physical out play on our bodies as well, and their ability to assimilate food what ever it is we are eating.
Thanks, Alexis. A great exposé on how attached we can be to things being a certain way, attempting to control life as a form of coping rather than looking at our emotional reactions and addressing them.
Janet I had not considered before reading your comment that my controlling ways are actually a sign that I am not coping, I have, in the past thought of them as a sign that I am coping.
Most people would think anyone is crazy to consider constipation a gift, and the same goes for many other conditions, but what really this shows is the gift is all about allowing us to stop and really look at what is underneath our condition. For that it’s the most amazing gift. There is always lots of time to ponder on the pan when we’re backed up!
What a wisdom to embrace body symptoms and take them as a gift to learn and evolve.
“When a discrepancy is detected between my rigid set of made up rules and the natural ebb and flow of life, then it triggers a set of uncomfortable responses in my body.” Gosh, I know that feeling too Alexis and how my body feels the tension of having to deal with my short sighted control issues when it would far rather be succumbing to the natural flow of life, allowing us all to work it out for ourselves!
Getting to the nub of why we choose to hold on, protecting a hurt, supports with the allowing and letting go process. When our bodies shout clearly that all is not well and we simply can’t get to that hurt on our own then finding support is really necessary!
I have known people in the past at work that would use sitting on the throne as a safe place to shirk work! Ah, a place to hide, a bit of peace from the world. And, no one would question it thinking it could just be a medical thing and would not be a regular conversation topic for discussion. Thinking back on those individuals… what were they hanging onto?
I just read a blog before this one about the body and how it never lies and this is a great example of this. When the body reacts in certain ways we do have to look honestly at the underlying cause and take responsibility for it and not just rush to the doctor to pass the buck and get some sort of remedy.
When you look at the state of the world’s health it says everything we need to know about our honesty. Can there be a more potent and ever more obvious example of the gargantuan lie we are all living?
It is interesting how we even hold back talking about health conditions that are related to holding back in the first place – great reflection there.
Full circle – childhood questions about books in loos finally answered through lived experience.
Full circle indeed Kehinde, – well said.
It’s so important for us to share, the not so talked about parts of life, as everything is everything. I could so relate to this: “I have had what has felt like an inbuilt radar system, that has permanently swept my environment, constantly looking for discrepancies between what is happening and what I think should be happening.” but have never articulated it so clearly in this way. I can see when I’m doing this ‘sweeping’ I have let go of appreciation and replaced it with holding and hardness.
I am learning a lot from your blog Alexis, I can very much relate to what you’ve shared, reminding me to surrender, trust, accept myself and others. Being controlling and holding onto stuff comes hand in hand.
I love the way your express Alexis, it is so relatable, super honest and with a great sense of humour. How you can write a blog about constipation and make it so interesting and funny shows you are a natural at writing. I could read an entire book about the way you observe life and your experiences.
When I ponder on why mums give half an explanation to children about anything, it makes no sense because as we grow, we end up having a muddled understanding of all sorts of things that later we have to revisit to find the truth. It would have been far clearer if you had understood as a child that one reason adults may read on the loo is that they can get constipated. My learning in this is never to dismiss a question from a child.
‘my ideas about how other people should do things are based on nothing other than notions, ideals, beliefs and imaginings’. We base our view on life on the experiences we have, on the lessons we’ve been taught, and on what people in authority say. Very rarely do we base our choices on what we feel deep inside. When we read situations, read what is going on for other people, it gives a whole new understanding of what is going on in the world.
Carmel that is so true, if we did base our choices on what we feel deep within then we would all be making very different choices. This shows we all have the answers and we just need to heal and let go of what is in the way of that divinity that is naturally inside us.
I do appreciate my body much more for supporting me with letting go by being able to do poo quite smoothly every day. I can feel how this is indeed a reflection of how I am with me. Lately I am starting to feel how I feel after having done my poo or pee (or both;-)). I always feel lighter! I’ve become aware how this is actually the way of cleaning the body, day by day. How super superb is our body. And how grand and to be appreciated is our body in supporting us in this way!
This is such a common complaint that isn’t much discussed, let alone looking at our choices and behaviours that lead up to it. Your honest account gives much to ponder and reflect on. Thanks for sharing.
The most amazing outcome I’ve had for a life-time of inconsistency in this area is expression. Every morning I stretch and then hop on the computer and comment on blogs such as this one. I find by the time I’ve read and commented on about 5 blogs I’ve let go of anything I might be holding onto. It works like magic unless I’m really holding onto something.
Delightful Alexis – thanks for bringing playfulness to what can be a painful reality, a bit of light relief is very welcome indeed. I love the tip on actually relaxing the abdomen – that is bringing awareness to it when the temsion might be coming in – and not after it’s been tense for a while.
Alexis this master work is a pleasure to read. You obviously know what it feels like to “hold on” both bodily and emotionally and I just love how you were able to describe and explain how interrelated these things are. Holding onto ideas stops the natural flow in our bodies. Not only have you discovered the root of a health and wellness problem, you have found the antidote and bought acceptance into your life. Hooray.
This sharing is a great confirmation of how we can view dis-ease and illness within our body. When our bodies present us with a condition, they are indeed offering us a gift by showing us how we have been living disharmoniously, and offering an opportunity for us to make different choices… to live in a far more loving and harmonious way that supports and nourishes our bodies on many levels.
I’m a mum who commands hand washing before dinner and now I’m wondering what goes on in the bathroom and if there is anything more to it than waving their hands in the direction of the tap! Thanks for the heads up 🙂
It is amazing how our bodies are constantly communicating with us by bringing up feelings, conditions or even illnesses – question is, are we willing to listen?
Take your pick, gift of constipation, diarrhoea or others ailments. All bring us an awareness that what we are living is without doubt holding us back one way or another. Our beliefs can be just as set so why wouldn’t the body send us a clear message of how we entrap ourselves and live less. This blog is a great example of how we are quick to look for remedies and quick fixes but understanding and working through the root cause is what brings the biggest relief of all!
Great blog Alexis exposing what is really going on behind a common ailment that we can so easily dismiss and accept as being ‘normal’, when in fact it shows our need for control and wanting things to be a certain way.
This is so awesome, thank you for being so candid Alexis. Controlling things to be a certain way is a behaviour of many and I include myself in this. You have opened the door for me to be more aware and observational around this in my own life. Acceptance and surrender.
I feel it’s awesome how much constipation can reveal to us about our true character – and I recall that for years I was aware that no one ever talked about constipating – and yet at the same time I felt that so many others were also suffering the same complaint!
Reading that ‘At times, I even made it look like I was suggesting something that would benefit them, whilst all along I was angling it for my own gain’ was a definite ouch moment for me, as I have more recently become aware of how I can do just this – set something out as if I am only thinking of the other person’s well being when in fact I have my own agenda. It feels so much more empowering to be honest and straightforward – and it keeps the flow going for us all – and less constipation all round – a win win situation.
To accept ill-conditions in our body as ‘gifts’ is great medicine.
‘My irrational and painful responses were being triggered not by the acts of others, but by the fact that I was holding on to very set ideas about how things should be done; had I not had such set ideas, then I would not have reacted in the way that I did.’ This has been a revelation for me too, recently, and understanding it is my choice to control or judge the actions of others has enabled me to let go of my expectations and be more ‘holding’ in my relationships.
Well said Carmel. Holding on to our expectations are much more painful than what anyone could ever choose.
“acceptance and surrender are the antidotes to holding on.” These are very wise words. Putting wisdom like this into action, it is no wonder your body began to flow Alexis.
I love your humility, Alexis, in exposing your ‘it’s my way or the highway’ approach to life, which I can very much relate to. It is so freeing for the body when we finally decide to let go and allow ourselves to be informed by a deeper wisdom within rather than controlling and second-guessing life.
It’s an awesome moment when we can bless our illness or condition for the awareness it brings us as to how we have been choosing to live and subsequently treat our bodies.
Very true – to truly get to the root of any issue or condition, awareness and honesty is key.
Great point here in this blog that when we deal with all the pictures, hurts and beliefs that we have about how we think things should be, we will no longer be disturbed by what is occurring around us.
Love coming back to this blog and it’s light presentation, yet sharing its well needed insight and understanding on this common ailment.
I have read shed loads of books over the years while doing my business and just thought that the amount of time spent in there was normal. I have never really looked that seriously at the connection between holding on to stuff and constipation but from now on, after reading this blog I am going to investigate very deeply. If ever I am a bit slow to go I always put it down to food which probably just as much to blame as well.
You are not alone in this Kevin: slow to read the signs of life and messages our body gives us. I can certainly relate to this.
I love how are bodies are so great at reminding us about the way we are living, we just largely choose not to listen to it! Everything means everything and happens for a reason and so the more inquisitive we are and choose to read what is happening the more we start to understand life. Otherwise I have found nothing really makes sense and life loses any or all sense of meaning and purpose, well for me anyway.
Our intestines may look like a jumble but they are a like a very complex river. And, we all know what man does when he attempts to control rivers and change the natural flow.
I relate to a lot of things here Alexis and one of them being the tight tummy.
It is funny – I loved reading on the toilet as a boy without being constipated, but then I was reading all the time at that age. Perhaps there are other reasons as well.
So true – ‘once we have excavated all of our buried rubbish from within us, there will be very few, if any disturbances happening outside of us.’
Everything is a reflection – everything. And everything offers us the opportunity to learn, heal and to evolve.
A great learning for us all – to continually let go and to surrender rather than hold on to any aspect of life.
I love the fact that the body is so wise, it’s just that we have not been raised to know its wisdom and instead we have become very accomplished at ignoring what it patiently tries to tell us until we are stopped in our tracks, that is by a message that is impossible to ignore any more. Constipation is one of those messages as it is very hard to ignore, the more you do the worse it gets. The physical solution is often not very pleasant, whereas the energetic solution is quite simple; let go of all those unwanted and often destructive behaviours that no longer serve you, the ones that you have been doggedly holding onto just because you can.
“…..acceptance and surrender are the antidotes to holding on.” If we were able to really embrace this there would be no end of remarkable changes in so many areas of our lives, including in our relationships.
How amazing that our body communicates so well to us. What if we would approach all illness and disease in the light of communication. That our body is communicating that something’s going on, that it’s asking to be listened to. As a species we could say that a world with so much constipation, cancer, diabetes, dementia, kidney diseases etc. is desperately asking to take much more care and love of our body. What if this greatly indicates how we actually are with each other in a general sense? What if each body is part of the whole body? What if… there’s much more at hand that we currently want / choose to admit? What if one of our greatest diseases is that we deny our love and our loving connection to the whole (God, Universe etc.)?
It is interesting to observe that constipation is seen as one of those things that “just happens” once in a while. We are so quick to disregard any form of communication our body reflects.
It is so important to shed light on subjects like this that are so often not spoken of.
It does make sense what you are sharing here. Holding stubbornly on creates a real holding and tensing of the muscles of our body. That this has a long term effect seems logical. I love especially how we can also support us to let go of issues in life by physically relaxing our muscles. Knowing these little support tools really changes how we work with illness and disease.
It is funny how you had noticed the books in the toilet, I used to wonder the exact same thing when I was a child. Today I certainly appreciate the benefit of giving ourselves whatever space is needed when we are at the toilet.
Interesting nowadays, how there may not be a stack of books but one takes in their i-pad to read… The problem with that is the alluring nature of the internet that can make a person lose themselves more by following links, whereas having a choice of books to open up a page randomly comes to somewhat of a more natural ending once that page or quote has been read.
That is true – suddenly a lot of time can have passed. The easiest is not to take it to the smallest room …
So true Joanne, the gadgets are so shiney and alluring and enticing to the eyes and mind and the body gets pulled in and dragged along.
Love your childlike observations Alexis about life, family, choices (and personal hygiene!), very sweetly recounted, alongside your recent realisations and understanding.
I feel my whole life can be enveloped by images of how I want things to be, including how I want others to behave. It is quite an imposition on others and also quite disabling for me, as you are looking for an outcome you can’t control, and chasing an image I probably won’t actually benefit from attaining.
Yes, Stephen, we actually deny ourselves of the opportunity to grow and naturally unfold when we try to control outcomes.
It’s beautiful how esoteric healing supports people to develop a deeper relationship and understanding of our body – to be open to feeling what it is showing us rather than seeing it as just an inconvenience or something to fight.
Lovely to read this light hearted approach to a painful problem but also came with some uncomfortable recognitions of how much I have tried to manipulate people and situations in the past to fit in with my perceptions of what was the ‘right’ way to do something. Letting go is a continuing process for me but has certainly improved the flow of my bowels no end!
Wow I also had no idea why people had so many books in the toilet but now it makes sense! Certainly something for us to consider is not only what are we eating but what is it that we hold onto, even the slightest thing we hold onto will affect us and most of us hold onto a lot!
I too have, ‘discovered that acceptance and surrender are the antidotes to holding on.’ Having had regular constipation through my life I have realised that there is much about life and myself that I have found difficult to accept… but in the allowing, accepting and letting things be, letting go becomes much easier.
I am discovering that the ingesting of noxious emotions have just as negative an effect on my digestive system as the wrong foods – and actually, more so. In fact the process of absorbing the ill emotions (rather observing them) will in and of itself often lead to the ill choice of food. Recent experience was clearly shown me what I thought was food-related tummy ache, some bloating and gas (nigh-on impossible given I eat very ‘clean’ these days) is actually not. I had ‘taken a hit’ of negativity and instead of allowing it to pass through me, I took it personally and manifested the stomach pain.
Yes, Alexis, constipation is such a common condition and yet how many of us resort to supplements and medication rather than stop and consider why we are not able to let go. When we look at the body from an energetic perspective in terms of our emotions and reactions to life, the simple truth is all there to be felt and known.
Some great insights here with regards to the reactions within the body when we are invested in things being a certain way, and what happen if our expectations are not met. Wanting others to be a certain way and fit in with our picture is a sure fire way to be in distress constantly, and the perfect set up, because other people also have their way and their own pictures. So it seems that tension is created from every angle and there are no winners, so letting go seems to be the obvious choice for our bodies.
Great blog Alexis – it really made me laugh! Great analogy that we carry around our ideals and beliefs like some kind of bible that must be obeyed and cannot be questioned!
The book in the toilet used to baffle me too Alexis. This has taken me back to my childhood and how very curious I was about other families and their different ways of living.
It is very helpful to see the link between our behaviours and the response our bodies have to them. Many attribute constipation to purely dietary issues, but it makes sense that our emotions and reactions play a big part too.
The quality of our health is a two way process and being encouraged to understand that how we live within our bodies affects how they behave is powerful medicine. If we choose to hoard all our experiences both good and bad, then our bodies have to somehow accommodate our intentions, hence we can become constipated, bloated or gain weight. Learning how to assimilate, appreciate our responsibility within every situation and, like you say Alexis, perceive where we are attempting to control life and choose to let go makes all the difference to our health and bowel function.
Laxatives offer temporary relief for those with constipation. In the aged care sector constipation is very common and medication, routinely administered (often daily), the only treatment offered. Without awareness, unresolved issues stay stuck in the body for decades with little opportunity to clear and heal them. Each day I appreciate the value of self care and ridding ourselves of emotional and other baggage throughout our lives. The effects of not doing so are very apparent in old age when many relate to their bodies as burdens, not allies.
When we are controlling and refusing to let go… is it the reason we are often then called anal?
Another example of how the body speaks to us when it is out of balance and the importance of seeking medical help whether conventional, complementary or both. An esoteric health practitioner will always support us to look beyond the presenting condition and reflect on our whole life and invite us to heal body and mind in the long-term, not simply rely on quick-fix remedies.
“One of the many beautiful functions of our very wise bodies, is to impartially reflect back to us what we have set in motion.” Is it not exactly that why most of us do not like to feel our bodies . . .
Alexis, this is such nectar for me; thank you 💜
I can find constipation or going to the ‘number two’ at funny hours outside my usual time (!) happen when in a different place, country, time zone and my ‘body clock’ is affected…though i note the times when i’m still in such places though i’m in solid rhythm with myself, that i’m with myself and there’s nothing to hold on to, and nothing to not let go of … because i’m with me, and so is my constitution (!)
It’s funny to think of constipation as a ‘gift’ but all our body’s messages are telling us something, and when we don’t listen, our bodies just get more creative until we do.
Brilliant article Alexis and as an individual who can suffer bouts of constipation I feel your pain and very much relate to (and can own for myself) what you’ve shared. For me however this was the standout line: ‘…once we have excavated all of our buried rubbish from within us, there will be very few, if any disturbances happening outside of us.’ Inner turmoil = outer turmoil. Just wonderful.
Please write more!!!!!!! I love the way you write it is an easy read, funny, adorable and thought provoking with some humous childlike pondering that again I am sure many can relate to and have wondered or asked the same or similar questions at some point in our lives. Also I love your absolute honesty in calling out how you were with others, this sort of honesty is very refreshing and gives others permission to do the same (call out behaviours that are unloving not manipulate or bully others!!) ‘I have, on many an occasion attempted to push, persuade, hoodwink, convince, steer, manoeuvre, cajole and at times bully people into doing certain things, simply so that I could be spared the acute discomfort that I knew I would feel if they didn’t do what I wanted them to do.’
And also what i feel has to do with this part of the body, especially the last part of the colon. Is the letting go of control, which is the surrendering to the body.
From what I know of constipation is that most people put it down to dietary factors only – that same with the opposite of having loose stools. Seems to me both are similar but other ends of the circle. Diet doesn’t make much difference in my experience but accepting life as it is does. I’m not in a hurry to get through to the other side and nor is my body!
Bryony you are so right when you say that ‘we are so supported and looked after’. Indeed we are ‘supported and looked after’ on a level that we simply can’t fathom. We are the eternal body of God, what could there possibly be to fear?
It is amazing how much our bodies reflect to us the way we are living – if we stubbornly hold onto ideals and beliefs, and to the way we want things to happen, then the body won’t let go = constipation… quite simple really, and yet we can blame our bodies when in fact it is our mental and or emotional attitudes that are the issue!
Your lighthearted and fun way of describing constipation is so comical and yet so very true that makes you not take oneself so seriously… To lighten up helps one to let go!
‘my ideas about how other people should do things are based on nothing other than notions, ideals, beliefs and imaginings and yet, I have carried them around like gospel, never doubting that my way was right.’ – Once we let go of the need to have things a certain way, it is interesting to observe how this will open up for a natural flow in multiple areas of life, not just the physical.
Feeling our behaviours and emotional reactions in our body naturally inspires a more loving way.
What a great insight into what constipation is all about. The more we are able to discern what the root cause of an illness/disease is the faster it can be healed.
So lighthearted and insightful, on a symptom that I’m sure plagues us all at some point. A great example here that the body is indeed a magnificent barometer for all our thoughts, beliefs and choices.
I love the awareness shared here that those ‘moments of agitation’ are opportunities – opportunities to let go and to deepen ourselves ever more into the truth of who we are. We are not here to create an amazing life but to unfold the amazingness that is already within us and when we feel tension in our bodies we are being called to appreciate this innate amazingness, and let go of our errant need to control.
Yes indeed, Alexis. When we hold onto our ideals and beliefs as gospel, we are bound to come up against conflict and disharmony. It is much healthier all round to live and let live.
‘It was only really recently, that I actually understood the whole reading in the toilet thing’. Thanks for enlightening me as I had never clocked this either!!
You made a really good point in your blog Alexis about letting go when we feel our body or abdomen go tense in the day; I’m sure a lot of people can relate to that feeling, when something doesn’t go to plan or you find out about an ‘issue’ or inconvenience, and thus the tensing of our body or gritting of our teeth in reaction… But what if all of these moments add up, and can actually affect our body and it’s ‘flow’?
Accept and surrender to what is there is definitely a huge part in letting go. I recognised myself in what you’ve shared in how I can have repetitive thoughts that go around and around with seemingly no way out but I know when I have a closer and honest look at what my body is telling me I come to what is keeping me from accepting and surrendering to the flow in life and not hold onto my stubbornness (and thus frustration) what I needed a situation or someone to be.
‘One of the many beautiful functions of our very wise bodies, is to impartially reflect back to us what we have set in motion.’ It is great to feel that no matter what we choose to do with them our bodies are indeed impartial and a constant source of wisdom.
A joy to read your honesty and humbleness through your words Alexis.
I like how you were able to expose the subtle ideal you carried through the reaction of your body.
What you show us here, Alexis is that we can be restricted by our rigid set of made up rules or we can tune into and allow the natural ebb and flow of life. This applies to many aspects of our lives and the gift is to appreciate the difference in these messages.
In some parts of the world constipation appears to be less of a problem. Living and visiting Africa, the one thing I observe is how bowel waste flows freely, too freely at times and I have never found books in the loo. It is interesting how where we live and cultural norms can determine bodily functions perhaps related to diet, level of activity and lifestyle.
Wishing to control our surroundings and people is a sure sign of holding on to expectations of how things should be. I took on a job four years ago, and much to my surprise, exposed my controlling nature which lay hidden from view until then. Now when I work with others I observe myself stepping back, asking questions, allowing people to be who they are and make choices for themselves. Somewhere deep inside I have become more trusting of myself and at ease and this affects the quality of my relationship with myself and others.
“Eventually my repeated choice to hold onto my beliefs about how others should behave led to my constipation and potentially to other ailments that have yet to surface.” this is one ultimate example of our choices and how they affect our entire life. That we are given millions of moments to see how we are living to either confirm the great steps and choices we’ve made or be alerted to how off track we are. The key for me is also asking where did those beliefs I hold onto come from, one teaching from Universal Medicine is that we don’t think so who has fed me the belief and is it deeply loving of all (myself included)?
There is so much to learn from our bodies when we are ready to listen to it. I also suffered for some time from constipation but since a few weeks I found that it is not an issue anymore as I now can let go and accept life as it comes to me. As you say Alexis, there are many ways we try to have a hold on our lives, to control something we actually have no control on, especially when these are the things that play around us. Feeling what is needed and to go with this flow, being adaptable to physical life, makes life a joy again and especially for the body as it does not have to cary that tension this holding on otherwise would bring to it.
It’s funny how we notice the differences between our parents’ rules and other households, and how we can see family messages passed on through the generations. With the hand washing thing, I was always taught if we’d been out in the garden or petting an animal, to wash our hands before we ate. Working in a supermarket Bakery and later in a cafe, we had to wash our hands every time we returned to the area after being on the shop floor or to the toilet, even if we had already washed our hands in the toilet. These instructions made sense to me, we were going to be handling food other people were going to be eating. And yet it surprised me how often colleagues forgot and would get straight on with cooking.
For a long time I have experienced this issue myself Alexis – and I used to wonder how it could be. I felt like I let go of the things that happened to me in my day and didn’t hold upset or grudges. But reading the situation now again I get from what you say, is that when I stay stuck with the false pictures of relationship, family, myself and life, I am holding onto a version of the world that is not true. So now I’m feeling my loo reading material is going to be all about embracing and loving the bigger picture of me.
I love the reality and power of recognizing that agitations and triggers on the outside are opportunities to look at what lies on the inside unaddressed… everything is always an opportunity to evolve no matter how unpleasant, the key is to be willing to go there and embrace letting go of what is there to be cleared.
Many us do not sit on the toilet and surrender and let our self have the space to fully complete our wee or poo. We are often fitting a toilet stop in between our tasks and see it as a nuisance that we have to go at all. It is a great stop moment to allow our self to re-connect and be with our self…..not thinking about the next thing we have to do.
This blog is a great reminder to look at how much we are holding onto and ask ourselves what is stopping us from letting it go.
From a very young age I was told to hold my stomach in so as to have a flat stomach and not look fat. I have worked with releasing this holding for years and only recently when doing Connective Tissue exercises I realised there was another more subtle level of holding that was still occurring. I am now bringing more awareness to this and it is relaxing my whole stomach area, which in turn supports my whole body.
What a brilliant article Alexis! Thank you for being so honest about why you hold on. I can certainly relate to the ever so subtle appearing ways I manipulate others to go along with my ebb and flow because of my stubborn belief that my way is the right way!
Alexis- I loved your honest, transparent story about the energetic truth on constipation. I could really relate to this as I have suffered from constipation for most of my life. I now realise that indeed I have held onto images of how relationships in the family should be a certain way, compared to how I perceived it to be in my friends’ family home. And by coming to an understanding of what was really happening, accepting the truth of the situation has allowed me to let go of my hurts- anger, frustration, & resentment, which I held against certain family members, and the relief of my constipation followed.
A delightful read Alexis, beautifully innocently written.
From your description of all the ideals and ways you want things resulting in constipation, I should be backed up good and proper! It must be hanging out in some other way in my life because I totally recognise the level of need for control and manipulation over life. It’s so crazy how far we live from our innate knowing of the flow and support that is there in the love that we are surrounded by, our particles being in tune with the grand order of the universe. And yet we fight this and give up on it to seek control over something and people that we can never control! Madness!
So much for me here. Love and appreciate your honesty Alexis.
A super clear view on constipation. I love to read the honesty and was wondering during reading this blog what I am actually holding on to. There’s a lot Alexis to appreciate. I love how you’ve come to your own truth and start being honest about the ideals, beliefs and pictures you were holding onto. I’ve found also that if we choose to let go, our body instantly responds with a deeper stillness. Like a ‘deeper version’ of me. Thank you Alexis.
A very lighthearted way at looking at constipation. I have never been one to read on the toilet, but then I have never had much trouble letting go.
Whilst I have experienced the effects of holding on too I had not been open to the fact that this includes that other people should do things my way however this ties in perfectly to other things which have come up for me recently – thank you for sharing this Alexis.
Love the straight forwardness in your blog Alexis. I can very much relate to much of what you share here, and am forever learning to take a good and honest look at things I may still be attempting to ‘hold onto’.
What a gorgeously humble, honest and playful look at the inherent stubbornness we as humans get played by when we do not live true to who we innately are. Adopting such a rigid set of ideals and beliefs is an act of sabotage we employ as a means of resisting the ‘flow of life’. Quite simply we put on the brakes. I think we can all relate to times when we have been consumed by this sheer defiance and unwillingness to ‘let go’, which is in-truth a surrender back to the true majesty we are, and lived instead in the constant tension we create by building such a dam in the first place. I agree that acceptance is the key to unblocking this self-imposed obstruction. By coming to a greater acceptance of what we perceive to be both the ‘good’ and bad’ of life, we are better able to live in accordance with the universal flow that pulses from deep within us.
You can read more about the beauty of true Acceptance here: http://www.unimedliving.com/unimedpedia/word-index/unimedpedia-acceptance.html
What a gorgeous and light-hearted article on subject that is normally very serious as well as taboo! This in itself shows how much letting go has taken place Alexis, and how the wondrous inquisitive mind of the child is still there, fascinated with the wonders of the body that works so closely with our soul.
Thank you Alexis – I enjoyed reading your light hearted sharing here and it reminded me also of being a child and noticing how different people live…Some had lots of books and magazines in the toilet, and a few people I knew even had snacks and foods they would eat whilst on the toilet!!! Some of these sound crazy to me, but were their normal…
I was a little like you Alexis where my number 2 was quick and swift so I could go back and play as soon as possible. In fact growing up and even as an adult, I was nicknamed as the ‘speed-poo-er’ as I would be back out almost as fast as I went into the bathroom. But then one day the constipation happened – this would always happen either around deadlines of assignments when I was putting a huge pressure upon myself to get something done in a particular way, OR the constipation would happen when I was travelling (but more so out of fear of using public toilets!). Occasionally (but rarely) today I will still get constipation, but I know to use this as a gauge that there is something I am pressuring myself with and/or not allowing myself enough understanding…
Alexis, a simple but clear message from your blog, which in essence is that that our body is in constant communication with us at all times…whenever we deviate from a natural way of being the body is often the first to signal it to us, however, the question is how much do we listen to it AND actually honour what it is communicating to us!?
Nothing like an article on constipation to get all things moving!!
How we live is reflected in our body and you have shared this in a way that makes so much sense Alexis. In the moments between holding on and releasing it can be very uncomfortable but it doesn’t need to be as you have shared. Going deeper brings a wealth of understanding and insight.
There were always magazines in the toilet when I was a child the elder children in my family put them in the laundry bin which was located in the loo for reading because it was the one place in the house that when asked to do a chore you couldn’t because you had gone to the loo. One family member used this excuse all the time to get out of the washing and drying up. He was busy reading his comics in the loo undisturbed.
Love the curiosity and simplicity of children – truth and honesty are everyday for them, and yet as adults we take on the complication of half truths – or no truth at all!
I wonder if when we are wanting things our way we are trying to get away with something?
Christophe when I read the question that you posed ‘I wonder if when we are wanting things our way we are trying to get away with something?’ the answer that sprung to mind was ‘we’re trying to get away with being less’.
What a wonderfully honest and witty sharing about constipation, Alexis. I am aware that constipation is incredibly common and it makes sense, when so many of us are super invested and gripping on for dear life to our ideals and beliefs about how life should be.
How lighthearted and beautifully written. Thank you Alexis.
There are so many things our body is showing us on a daily basis which gives us a reflection of our daily living .
Perfect timing Alexis and thank you for sharing. This is not something that happens regularly for me but when it does I certainly know about it. Allowing is what comes up as being important here for me. For when I allow, I see what is behind my attempts to control situations and people. If I am controlling, I am attempting to control what is on the surface so everything looks ok and if everything looks ok, I don;t have to see any deeper.
An entertaining article that brings a lighter way to look at what we can hold onto and how this can effect us. Interesting isn’t it that very few times when something is going on for us like in this article do we look deeper or reflect on it’s origin. A lot of the time we either ignore it or reach for the quick fix to get on with things again. Most of the time depending on your age you may have a reoccurring part that comes and goes. I wonder if we took the time to look a little deeper would it have to come and go ever again? We are always being reflected or shown something and it’s a choice how deep we listen or if we listen at all. Like in the article, a choice to listen and get physical treatment, seems like a great balance to me and also smart and great medicine for us all.
indeed Ray, when we allow to have physical treatment the support that then is given is there to bring clarity to our being and in that brings not only healing to the body but to our being as a whole.
It’s just the next part isn’t it? I mean why when something that isn’t working well or injured, sore, troubling etc with our body aren’t we seeking support at the first point? Most of us ‘soldier on’ with the common phrase, “I’ll just give it some time and see how it goes” ringing true. Then we either accept what ever it is or it goes and we breathe a sign of relief that it’s gone. Do we ever consistently read deeply what our body tells us, the sharp pain in the leg, the sore knees, the bad back, the headaches, the restless sleep etc or do we just ‘soldier on’ hoping that the next day it will be different. What if everything is linked? What if the pain or discomfort of one day is the next days sharp pain or restless sleep. What if nothing ever truly ‘goes’ unless we actively take time to heal what the root cause may have been. What if everything just travels around in a circle back to us until we deal with it? Maybe a great time to stop, listen and bring a healing to the slight pain or discomfort and that way we don’t wake another day with a larger pain.
So true to me Ray, we tend to soldier on until either we are used to the pain and have shaped our life around it or we accept it as something we have no say about and reduce our life to a lesser way then we where used to live. Every time when we do this we choose to reduce our way of expression in life and by that finally end up with a motionless body that hardly can move and is ward of any connection with the source we originally come from, the source that is being joyful and alive and in appreciation of every moment we live.
This way of being/function or behaviour is so ingrained we would defend it as our right or some may even criticise another who is exposing this. Our level of function has exceeded anything we have had in the past hence the rise in illness and disease in every area of the world. This isn’t a town or country issue it’s a global issue that will take some turning around. As I said especially because most not only don’t see a problem but have accepted the problem as a normal part of life.
I do recognize that too Ray, people do not see it as a problem that they have lost their vitality in life but instead they have chosen to identify themselves by their suffering and ailments, captured by a way of life that is far from who we naturally are and where we were when a baby. And in doing so we too lose our sight on the bigger picture and do not come to the point that something is actually not okay.
What a delightfully delicious blog Alexis! I can feel the innocence of the child in this and how the lack of whole truth shared actually creates pockets of ideals that are just accepted and no longer questioned. We do not want to tell a child the truth often because the innocence and light of the child is something that exposes the fact that such accepted norms are in truth not so normal at all. Why do people get constipated the child may ask.. is it because they are holding on to too much?
I have observed that even though I may not be saying something out loud my body can still be reacting to what is being said or going on in a room and that can sometimes mean a lot of tension in one day. Learning to be around it but not reacting to it or checking out so as not to have to deal with it has been a lot of letting go expectations and judgement of how people should behave.
Wow this is pretty incredible- it shows how we behave has such an effect on our bodies. Amazing. I love your sharing and after recently having constipation it has given me a lot to ponder.
I love the simplicity and self empowerment this antidote is offering with regard to ‘holding on’ –
‘…acceptance and surrender are the antidotes to holding on’.
I know I have gripped my muscles throughout my body when I react suddenly to anything as there is an immediate feeling of a block in my digestive system and I know that the next day I will be unable to do a poo. If I hang onto whatever it was I reacted to then my system gets rigid and stuck for a while. Pausing, recognising what was going on in the reaction, and then allowing myself to feel any emotions and so let them go, really helps to bring me back to a rhythm. This needs constant attention, it is so easy to choose to override what the body is telling us. I love your blog Alexis, it’s always great to be reminded. I just remembered too that I used to spend hours as a child sitting on the loo reading historical novels, it was the one place you wouldn’t be disturbed. Now that is another reflection! What was going on then?
WOW! This is an absolutely brilliant, well needed, honest sharing Alexis, as you are certainly not alone in this even though constipation may not be the symptom experienced by all who are holding on to ideals and beliefs as with me it is my hip but I laughed as I read of the controlling ways you described to a tee as I could so relate. You really nailed not holding back and letting it flow with this blog.
What a great sharing, the correlation between how we think and the natural order of things (including the natural order of our bodies) is beautifully discussed here, with wisdom, acceptance and the joy that such understanding brings.
Wow – this is a powerful blog, especially recognising the uncomfortable feelings we get when things don’t go ‘our way’. Surrendering to the way it is makes such a difference, life becomes much simpler when we can accept that everybody is different, our way is not necessarily The Way, and we are all free to choose.
“This then leads me to conclude that once we have excavated all of our buried rubbish from within us, there will be very few, if any disturbances happening outside of us.” What a brilliant line in an equally brilliant blog. Thank you Alexis. The more I focus on my relationship with myself and my body the less I am affected by whatever happens outside of me. When I am less affected by outside influences there is less of a reason to try to control things.
Love this Leonne. Short, sweet and true.
‘When I am less affected by outside influences there is less of a reason to try to control things’.
Not even our waste is truly wasted when we know it is a reflection of how we are living. Love your sharing here Alexis – and the lightness you bring – thank you.
What a great perspective, Richard, in being willing to take advantage of every reflection (no matter what it is) as an opportunity to learn and grow.
It is so true that when we are controlling situations, ourselves and or others, there is no allowing or flow of life’s natural harmony… and therefore no harmony or natural flow within our intestines either – hence constipation!
Your description of the child like inquisitiveness into life is beautiful, and I too can remember being perplexed by the fact adults read on the toilet – I tried it once or twice but found it to be a very strange past time! Of course, I know no as you shared, that when we suffer constipation we can need that distraction to fill the time, although I am sure these days it is more likely to be a mobile phone than a book. Are we willing to stop for a moment and realise that our guts being out of rhythm could be connected to the rhythm we live in the day and how we are approaching life?
I love the way that you write Alexis, always with such candor. I absolutely relate to what you say about the piles of magazines and books. It has sometimes occurred to me, that people quite enjoy these prolonged ‘sessions’ inside the ‘bog’ as a way to get away from their partner or kids. And so I can see how holding on to issues actually is something that we conveniently choose – for to emerge and be free from these complications means that there is no excuse not to be all in with life.
“I have, on many an occasion attempted to push, persuade, hoodwink, convince, steer, manoeuvre, cajole and at times bully people into doing certain things, simply so that I could be spared the acute discomfort that I knew I would feel if they didn’t do what I wanted them to do. At times, I even made it look like I was suggesting something that would benefit them, whilst all along I was angling it for my own gain.” oh my goodness, I know this one so well. Very uncomfortable. And all so we don’t have to look at how we respond to life.
That is true – wanting things our way is a good way to avoid being challenged as much as possible.
Your childhood stories reminded me how my father used to tell me if I sat too long on the toilet my bowels would fall out. I often used to look into the toilet after I had finished to see if any of my bowels were in there. I thought they would be some sort of insides like we used to get inside a chicken that came in plastic bags. Happy to say that to this day mine have not fallen out and I am very rarely constipated so do not spend long on the loo.
I agree holding onto all these things is very smelly indeed – exhausting too.
I love what you’ve shared here Alexis, as this and the other blogs on constipation really highlight how there is another way of relating to this particular condition. I too have experienced that if I am holding on things within me, behaviours that fester and allow the lingering feelings of anger, grudge holding, repeated reactions to people’s behaviours that I don’t like, holding all of this rather than allowing myself to feel light, this reflects in my bowels.
Great exploration of the gift of constipation which is something that I too have been faced with recently, not just with the physical discomfort of the condition but also the uncomfortable realisation about just how often i try to control aspects of my life often with unintended consequences. Building trust in myself and my body has been key to letting go of my fear around what will happen if I allow things to evolve rather than clamping down and deluding myself that I know best.
Thank you Alexis, what I really get from your writing, is how important it is to express ourselves down to the tiniest detail, to say it all – everything in fact, because from here we can grow in our awareness and introduce the flow of life back in to our bodies again.
It’s so true Alexis, our bellies are so sensitive, they constantly provide us with a true reflection of how easily we allow others and ourselves to go with the flow, or how much we resist and attempt to control the river of life. The books or lack of them in the loo surely are a big indication of where we are at: long winded affairs born from our need to control that require some on-board entertainment, or short, snappy and essential interruptions in the joyful flow of our every day lives.
Alexis, thank you for this article. I too have been blocked up recently and I simply wasn’t asking the right questions to find out why – and what you say about control resonates with me. I like situations to be the way I want them, giving little time for flow but rather creating situations that are familiar and comfortable. With acceptance and surrender now in mind, I have the tools to help my situation, it’s now a matter of using them…or rather surrendering to them.
I had a friend who used to joke that when he worked double time on Sundays he would spend enough time in the loo to earn £15. Although it was a joke there was a lot of truth in it, and so it is for many people, being constipated is just something they put up with, when like all ailments, there is an underlying reason why it occurs that we have in our power to address.
Reading your blog I was pondering on why we want so so much the things to be done our way and I agree with you, it is because other people’s way may ask us to open up and learn new things, let go of things that are not working and being inspired. This is not always easy but when I can embrace it, life is one big school in learning about myself and life.
The state of our body is the greatest mirror possible to reflect whether we are living in harmony and truth with oneself or not.
I really enjoyed reading this blog Alexis and of your anecdotes. The honesty with which you share your awarenesses is very refreshing as there is no emotion in them, simply an observation about what your choices have been and how you have started to let go of old ideals and beliefs. Thank you.
Alexis, this article is absolutely brilliant and for me ‘hits the nail on the head’, this exposes exactly what I have been doing in my family, thinking my way is the right way and getting very tense and anxious when people do not do what I think they should be doing, thank you for writing this and for exposing this behaviour.
Is part of control simply not letting people in, individualism – we control we can connect to ourselves or others and see in truth we are all one and the same.
I can so relate to what you are writing, I have a grip on wanting life to be a certain way. It is something that I haven’t wanted to look at, I have been stubbornly ignoring the fact that I want life to be my way. Thank you for writing this blog as it’s allowed me to be far more honest about how I am holding on so that I can start looking at letting this go.
“Have I let go completely? No, but my body is showing me that I have let go a lot, because it too has let go and going to the toilet has gone back to being a brief pause in-between my playtimes.” what for so many people is an annoyance is actually showing to be a real blessing, if our bodies didn’t have constipation then would we take a close look at our lives? On a recent trip to America I was amazed by the isles of laxative medication that filled the shelves, obviously most of the world holds onto things and wants them their way instead of us allowing what is needed regardless of what picture we may hold.
Great blog Alexis I love how you brought us from your childhood and your inquisitive mind to how you eventually ended up with constipation. I have had constipation on and off throughout my life and so I could relate to everything you described about what happens to us when we want to control situations. I know I have been and still am to a degree a pass master at stubbornly holding onto certain things and not wanted to let them go. What I am learning about this holding onto, is that it is quite often because I have not expressed all that I wanted to express at the time and so instead of expressing I have let it churn around and around in my mind, like a hamster wheel aimlessly going nowhere stuck in my own emotional turmoil.
Thanks for the tip about the stomach tension and the possibility of lack of acceptance and holding on – simple and clear.
“I have carried them around like gospel, never doubting that my way was right.” Thus is the dogma of religious beliefs entrenched in the mind. Letting go of our believed ideals gives us the freedom to feel the truth within our body.
It is worth looking deeper with every discomfort the body presents us with, there is so much to discover about ourselves as you share here Alexis, we don’t realise how much we miss out on when we simply ignore the signs.
It’s staggering to think how long we hold onto ideals and beliefs of how we want the world to be and refuse for it to be any other way, so it is not surprising that constipation is generating so much money for the pharmaceutical industry, which just shows that this is a wide spread medical condition. I recently read that everyone gets constipated at some point in their lives at least once, but this is a subject which I feel goes largely undetected due to people accepting the condition and not seeking medical advice unless the condition escalates into haemorrhoids, and then only in desperation is the advice sought after.
I can relate to being strapped to beliefs that keep me stuck in a place I want to move on from. It’ s never the action or presenting situation that is the problem, but the belief that feeds it and never too late to re-visit until
released for good.
It is always a blessing to catch sight of beliefs that play havoc with our well-being and hold us back from being more accepting and kind with ourselves. Well done for going there and exposing the games at play.
Every thing our body offers is a learning if we are prepared to listen. When learning to listen so much of life is holding onto ill-conceived beliefs that cause a myriad of complications that energetically have a root cause like constipation and holding on.
Yes indeed Greg. We live in our own personal classroom!
So true Lucy, and our inner-workings as a personal classroom bring the lessons as fast as we are able to heal so we are never given more than we can handle.
Thank-you Alexis for not holding back with your honesty. Your willingness to accept what the body was showing you by surrendering to letting go of the rigid controls you had wanted over others, which in fact had actually been controlling and the most harmful to yourself.
Another great read from you Alexis, pointing out the magnificence of our human body, how it has the ability to show us what we are not wanting to consciously take notice of …”One of the many beautiful functions of our very wise bodies, is to impartially reflect back to us what we have set in motion…”
From my experience, when we make the choice to let go of one, or many, of the ‘constipated’ behaviours that we often use to run our lives, the feeling of liberation is amazing and it is usually followed by the question – why did I hold on to that for so long?. Making changes in our lives seems to be very hard at times possibly as we have become so attached to the ideals and beliefs that have been our very familiar foundation for so long, but to make the choice to let them go offers us the opportunity to build a a new foundation for our lives that is much more self honouring and way more supportive.
I am not sure if we will be able to ever use the scientific method of evaluation to determine the link between emotional states of being and ill health, given the fact that we will never be able to find a suitable control group of patients for such a study, nor eliminate all the many variables that affect the human body. This is unfortunate, for the anecdotal evidence provided by many shows that there is such a link. One of the areas of science, to which the now commonly accepted scientific procedure is most difficult to apply is that of psychology and bio-science. In both fields, there are simply too many variables to control. Every day, there is a study that says milk is good for you, followed by a study that says it is not. So how do we make sense of all this? To start with, what is interesting is that despite their scientific training, doctors still rely on asking patients how they feel as the most important technique for gleaning diagnostic information from their client. My point being, one of the most important things we can do for our own health is become our own observer. We know more than anyone what the early warning signals are that something is not right, and the more deeply we develop a relationship with our body, the more sensitive we become, and if we develop an honest relationship with our body, the more capable we are of determining relationships between two things within ourselves, even if such a relationship is yet to be determined to be true by the scientific community.
All too often we write such things off as placebo, without pausing to consider that, even if it is just placebo, then what a wonderful healing tool the effect of placebo actually is. There is no doubt the effect of placebo does exist. But what causes it? Is is not astounding that the mere thought that something is healing you actually causes a healing to take place? If we appreciated that, then perhaps would not be so arrogant as to just write something off as “placebo”.
For me the process of letting go cannot be commanded by my mind, rather it is a willingness to start to express every feeling that comes up and any feelings which I have allowed to brush past but I am still holding onto. The expression is not to change anything, but simply to communicate the truth of what is felt. Sometimes what is expressed may bring reactions from others, depending on the situation I may still speak about it or write about it, as holding back anything feels very damaging to the body, which undoubtedly, will be poisonous to all relationships in life.
This is a great blog and one that we all can relate to at some level I am sure for who can say that they have never wanted to get their own way and been stubborn about getting it or been reactive in not being able to get it even if this reaction is only felt as a discomfort in the body or an annoyance and upsetting of our equilibrium?
How powerfully our bodies show us what there is for us to look at – not just in our physical habits and routines (e.g. what our diet consists of…), but the way in which we are actually digesting life.
True medicine is to consider the whole, as you’ve described so well here Alexis – and be willing to listen deeply to all that our bodies are telling, if not at times, shouting at us.
I can very much relate as I also used to think that frustration and anger I would experience was the result of others’ behaviours and I had every right to react, and I had to change them in order for me to feel ok about situations. Realising it was a belief I held, or should I say, an energy I chose to align, and it was not my personality or nature was such an awakening. No matter how invested I might have been, that was never me nor mine to hold.
Wow! A candid, super honest blog Alexis regarding how attitudes (ideals and beliefs) are a major factor in underlying various illness and disease. Holding on to remain in a fixed (perceived safe) way of living and having expectations on others to meet this criteria, you clearly reveal an energetic or root cause of constipation.
It is quite bizarre and arrogant really, when I really come to think about it, that we think we know best, because in truth, how do I know what is best for another person? This imposing behaviour that I also used to do with others now has me realising how much I used to control people close to me. The acceptance and surrender you describe to let go and allow flow can deepen and deepen the more we allow it. It is a huge learning process where the body lets us know we are on track by reflection of the results in a physical way.
Awesome account Alexis, and insight too into the nature of bowel movements – how we ‘digest life’ and its quality is how our body then digests (in that quality too).
There is no event that isn’t significant in our lives every moment is there for growing and learning. Our bodies are hugely responsive tools to make the journey all the more easier.
And seeing life and our bodies in this way makes life so much lighter and joyful rather than the misery and seriousness we can endure when trying to defend and prove that our beliefs and ideals about how life should be are ‘true’.
Alexis…I always love reading your playful and honest blogs. Another pearler here 😊 that many will relate to.
I laughed when you were describing your perplexity about the magazines in the toilet as I too didn’t understand why ✨
Love your blog Alexis. I too wondered when younger why there was so much reading material in toilets! Thankyou for your openness about where you ‘hold on’. When at boarding school we were asked each morning if we had ‘been’ – a euphemism for pooping. As the remedy was syrup of figs I often lied because my rhythm was somewhat different to the expected one back then. What if we had been gently asked how we were doing, where we were holding on etc? No need for medicines then. Many of us held back our emotions – boarding school from a young age led to many of us suppressing what we really felt – ‘holding on’.
Thank you Alexis, it’s a beautiful reminder that we are always spot on as kids. We must relearn to trust that inner-knowing.
It is remarkable how when we listen to the body rather than react to what it is presenting us with, it opens the way to understanding and healing ourselves on all levels.. not merely the physical.
Love it Alexis! And I love how our bodies are our greatest assets; they do hold the absolute truth when we trust them enough to listen. Needing things done my way… big one for me too! Much to ponder! Thank you 😊
Wonderful and humorous, light-hearted and fun – a great way of looking at letting go and the fact that our body shows us exactly what is going on. And right and wrong are alien objects in the digestion equation and make our poo and life very hard and our mind and body very rigid.