Chronic Fatigue – it doesn’t have to be this way.

By Ruth Ketnor, Customer Advisor, London

In 1997 I was diagnosed with chronic fatigue. I had had the symptoms for several years before diagnosis but it wasn’t recognized. Even when diagnosed, there was little known about how to manage or treat it and to a large part this remains the case today.

At this time in 1997, I had a trauma that I felt I couldn’t cope with, my trust plummeted, with little awareness I withdrew … I gave up and my day to day living with the ‘normal’ exhaustion of life became fatigue, then … Chronic Fatigue. My body became depleted and my lymph glands enlarged. I dropped lots of weight in a short amount of time and became very thin. I stopped trusting the world and more importantly myself.

My energy was on the floor way beyond exhaustion, my body ached deeply all over, as did my joints. I regularly had intense stinging in my muscles such that I just had to lie still because any slight movement made it worse, they would feel stiff and as if they were full of something that shouldn’t be there. It was difficult to breathe as even this would make it worse. My sleep pattern was very disturbed and I had intense anxiety. My lymph glands were swollen and painful a lot of the time and I often had a sore throat. I had regular infections and viruses. My mind was very dull, I was unable to think straight or keep up with anyone, physically or mentally. I couldn’t listen to the radio or watch TV as my mind was too dull to process the information. My senses were heightened, so most of the time I had the curtains shut because I was sensitive to light, and I couldn’t tolerate sounds, smells or many foods.

At my worst, my day lasted only 5 hours from beginning to end, though I always got up at some point in the day, as something in me just couldn’t stay in bed continually. I strived to get myself better. I asked the doctor ‘what ever you think it is, if it’s psychological I’ll do what ever it takes’ but there didn’t seem to be a cause that they could see. I also had chronic severe migraines. I was awarded Disability Living Allowance … for life!

Over the years my condition improved but never went away completely, relapsing often along with other health problems or emotional reactions. My energy levels never sustained and I lived in a ‘crash and burn’ way, which just amplified the fatigue. I forced my body to do things, I used to drive it, then suffered the consequences afterwards with even worse fatigue. I used coffee, which I called my ‘false energy’ to get things done if necessary, only to then have to sleep for 24 hours to recover from the stimulation of the caffeine and the forced activity on my already shattered body.

In 2011 I started to get a new understanding about my condition and in relation to how I was living through the teachings of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine. Things started to piece together, I could see a pattern to my life and at last a growing awareness of what Chronic Fatigue was. A shift in me began with a willingness to look at myself and how I had been reacting to life.

I learned that chronic fatigue is a condition of the kidneys, that the kidneys carry the energetic life force for the body; they are about commitment to life, yourself and humanity. Because of my reactions to things that had happened in my life previously, my commitment to life and myself dropped severely.

My pattern in life from a very young age has been to withdraw, if something scared me, hurt me, got too much or I couldn’t cope; with nowhere to escape to, this was my way of coping.

My condition was made fun of at times, which of course confirmed the safety of with-drawing more.

So I embarked on a journey to build trust in myself by making a commitment to myself and life, starting with very short walks and caring for myself, focusing on the quality of how I did things for myself, tenderly, lovingly, building this love in my body. I began listening to my body and learning what supported me, and what didn’t. The Gentle Breath Meditation presented by Serge Benhayon helped me hugely to connect to my body. Addressing and letting go of things that had hurt me in the past, and in the present that would or could trigger me to withdraw, learning to deal with them differently by staying with my body, staying present with my inner strength and the love that I was building, rather than drifting off into day dreaming, watching TV, getting emotional, or eating foods that would stop me feeling. These were all part of what was needed to help heal my chronic fatigue.

I was trapped in a cycle of being afraid of making myself worse, so I was afraid to do more than what I knew was safe. I got caught in this mindset for many years, “I’ll get more tired, I’ll get worse. I can’t, I’m too tired.” But by making those small commitments to myself – a short walk, tenderly looking after myself, changing my part time work from self employed at home in a back room, safely tucked away, to working with and for people with the purpose to serve – I noticed that over the next 3 years as my commitment grew, my energy levels improved with it. As my body got stronger I started some simple exercises, beginning with 5 minutes a couple of times a week building to 15 minutes a day, so now my body is strengthened and more toned.

Seventeen years on I took the final steps out of chronic fatigue. In January 2015 I could feel something big was coming my way, it felt light and bright and amazing. I bided my time and in April I saw an employment position became vacant at a company I’d had an eye on for the last couple of years … waiting until I felt I was ready. The time was now, I knew it, I could feel it and applied … I got the job! … In the centre of London! I moved to London for the job and here I am living and working full time in the biggest city in the country with millions of people and I LOVE IT!

When I moved to London, my body let go of the last residues of Chronic Fatigue. It felt like it was leaving every cell of my body, it was remarkable. I felt so much lighter, my kidneys stopped hurting, I felt amazing, I had energy like I had not felt before. That light, bright and amazing thing coming my way was me! … I was coming back to me.

It was my choices in reaction to life’s happenings that led me to have Chronic Fatigue and it was my loving choices that healed me from it.

Chronic Fatigue keeps you stuck in a cycle that holds you back from who you truly are, separate from others and all you can bring to life. It takes will, commitment and responsibility to walk free of it, but it can be done; I know, because I did it, one step at a time, making loving choices for me.

I am a walking miracle … loving living life!!

With deep love and gratitude to Serge Benhayon and his living way, a constant inspiration to be love.


Read more:

  1. Exhaustion and Chronic Fatigue

1,044 thoughts on “Chronic Fatigue – it doesn’t have to be this way.

  1. Ruth, the biggest smile came over my face as I read this. A person returning to life, to live who they are in full in this world and no longer choose to hide themselves. You are a living miracle. Welcome back. The world is fuller with you in it.

  2. It is now 3 years since I wrote this blog and recently I was filling a health questionnaire and forgot to put on it that I had had Chronic Fatigue. It feels such a long time ago, even as if I never had it. Clearing the energy of Chronic Fatigue has allowed me to move on in ways I would not have imagined, it is profound and at the same time feels completely natural that it has gone, me living more of me in the world.

  3. What a great testimony that if we learn what the root cause/the energetic cause is of our disease we can clear it and sometimes this means the symptoms and dysfunction are gone.

  4. The teachings of Serge Benhayon have supported so many of us to make life changes beyond recognisable.

    1. Yes Viktoria and the numbers continue to grow as do the life changes. For me certainly it has not stopped, from the unrecognisable changes to even more. Many testimonials have been written.. lives transformed.

  5. Staying present is a hugely supportive practice that helps us in so many ways – to be aware of what we’re feeling, and to stay with that, and not withdraw from it, helps us to deal with and clear it. When we’re withdrawn, it feels like we’re less consciously aware of what we’re reacting to, so we might be reacting all of the time, but not choosing to be aware of it, so that we don’t have to deal with it.

    Inspiring to read how making simple loving choices, to commit more to life, actually improved your energy levels. It’s amazing to feel that our energy levels actually increase when we commit more to life – the total opposite of what we think will happen, and a total reflection of what true commitment is about – not doing more, but bringing more of our quality to whatever it is that is there to be done. No drive, no push, just showing up, in full, and without perfection.

  6. When we begin the journey to commit to ourselves and life anything is possible because we start to realise there is far more to us than what we were ever told or taught. Our intake on life becomes more about humanity and less about self, not in a sacrificial way but from a place of a forever deepening commitment to self.

  7. Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine has shown by example how commitment and taking responsibility for our choices changes our lives.

  8. “It was my choices in reaction to life’s happenings that led me to have Chronic Fatigue and it was my loving choices that healed me from it.” A beautiful realisation that we are responsible for the way we live.

  9. I find i’m fatigued after not doing anything or just having ‘me time’. When i’m serving humanity and working with and for people, I feel super energised.

  10. It is wonderful to appreciate the journey of healing that each person makes when they come in to contact with Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon. But equally important is to recognise the contribution that that person is now making to their community, and to the wider society in general. And therein lies perhaps the greatest miracle of all.

  11. It is amazing how quickly the body responds to restore and rebalance itself when we are willing to stop pushing ourselves and open up our awareness to discern the patterns we use to run our body and make lifestyle choices without discerning their true impact and the ensuing consequences.

  12. Chronic Fatigue is an awful thing but what I have come to understand is that it is self induced and completely avoidable and also simple to recover from if you understand what you did to cause it. One feels that the giving up is a symptom of the illness but what if it is also part of the cause?

    1. Yes Doug and it is important not to give ourselves a hard time about the choices we have made but to see them for what they are and with this awareness see the opportunity that awaits us, knowing that by changing our choices our body, health and life can change with them… rebalancing.

      1. Yours is a great example of how chronic fatigue is avoidable and also healable and I know of others who have also healed their own chronic fatigue. There are so many people out there desperate to know how to get over the illness and hopefully this blog will be spread far and wide so that those so given up get an opportunity to see that there is another way,

  13. “It was my choices in reaction to life’s happenings that led me to have Chronic Fatigue and it was my loving choices that healed me from it.” Such a powerful statement and testament that we are the creators of our own reality and not victims to it.

    1. And it is life changing when you come to this understanding and awareness as then it is in your hands to make changes, as I found.

  14. With all the changes I’ve made from the inspiration of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine never has any change been instant. It’s taken steps and my want to feel and make the changes that has made my life what it is now and still to change.

    1. Yes Leigh. By taking it step by step there becomes a consistency in building the changes and a steadiness within, as each step is taken then another awareness comes, if we are open to it, for the next step to be embraced. It is a beautiful process if allowed to go at its own pace.

  15. We have the stories of a few miracles from aeons ago that still echo throughout humanity’s stories… And here we have living miracles telling their stories.

    1. Well said cjames and I feel the basis of all of them is the re-connection and commitment to oneself, to life and to love.

  16. Once one becomes aware of energy and how it plays out in life according to how one aligns to the true Source of life or not, it is simple to trace the trajectory of how one got to be in that state – we gave away our power to a force that is not true. But when you are in the thick of it, it seems as if there is no way out. thank heavens for the universal medicine modalities and practitioners.

    1. Absolutely Lyndy. The presentations of Serge Benhayon, Universal Medicine modalities and practitioners open the door to an understanding about the energies at play that gives us the choice to make changes for ourselves.

  17. Thank you, Ruth – your sharing makes me really appreciate how when we start including an energetic factor into life’s mystery and conundrum, everything starts making sense and simplicity returns, and when claim our part in that and start taking responsibility what once seemed like impossible can be turned around.

    1. Bringing the energetic factor into looking at myself and my condition was the turning point for true healing to take place. It opens the door to what can seem impossible and huge transformations can take place.. in all areas of our life.

  18. When we see something that is just not okay a great thing to consider is does it have to be this way and if the answer is no then we have a responsibility to change ourselves so that we can bring change on a grander scale.

    1. Beautiful, love what you share here Elizabeth. It always comes back to us and in that sense everything is possible.

  19. Reacting to life is tiring enough when you have an argument or a dispute. But what you show here beautifully Ruth is that we all react way more than we realise, to anything that is not Love…and often what is too. No wonder so many of us are exhausted as you were. And what a brilliant example you offer to us all of how to heal and resurrect our joy and vitality. Thank you.

    1. Interesting you say this Joseph in how we all react far more than we realise, I certainly have done this and am continually becoming more aware of when and where this happens in life. Learning not to react but to observe and respond through building a loving relationship with myself and my body, working with staying present with my body has been a deeply healing process.. and yes with the return of joy and vitality.

  20. A great example of how when we start to make small loving changes to our choices on a consistent level, our body starts to respond in a positive way.

  21. A truly remarkable account that shows us we are the creators of our reality and not the victims of it. If we do not like what is on our plate, we simply cook a different dish.

    1. This turns the table doesn’t it Liane, rather than being victims of our life we are the creators of it.. and it is so important to see this lovingly and not beat oursleves up for our choices but to see that this opens us to making changes in our choices and so changes in life follow.

  22. A very intense and distressing illness that doesn’t go with physical or mental health indicators – could such a thing be a pointer to a conceptual (not just a knowledge) gap in scientific understanding?

  23. Once people get a diagnosis, I have observed that some fight it but many sink into resignation and giving up. They forget that who they are is not their condition and stop seeking to heal the underlying cause. This case is a great example that anything can be healed. If not the condition at least a quality of life can be lived that brings a sense of wellbeing and health, despite having a condition.

    1. Yes Fiona, the quality of how I was living changed with how I cared for myself and with that my approach to the condition had changed from making it about getting better to the love I could bring to myself. Working on the quality of how we live is key to the sense of well-being felt.

    2. I understand how and why we give up and resign with a condition but this adds to the exhaustion and keeps us stuck in the same place within ourselves for what could be many years. Being open to looking at what the underlying cause is and bringing in self care is a turning point from which many changes can take place.

  24. “It was my choices in reaction to life’s happenings that led me to have Chronic Fatigue and it was my loving choices that healed me from it.” Ruth, this is such a powerful testament of how you brought yourself back to true health. It is a perfect example of the responsibility we have to take care of ourselves, whatever our circumstances. We are the ones who have to call the shots by feeling what is true for us and what is not, and when we do this, our bodies can work harmoniously and so will life around us.

  25. No matter what we have gone through or how long we have experienced it, I love how the body immediately responds when we choose to empower and free ourselves of the patterns of behaviour that have capped our true expression and choose to be more loving and tender.

    1. Me too Linda, the body is incredible in how it shows us how we are living and also the pathway out of it. Love and tenderness towards ourselves and a willingness to make some changes and our body can respond so quickly as it is constantly working to be harmonious and in balance.

    2. And how, having made this commitment we are supported in all sorts of ways to heal and reconnect and to appreciate.

  26. When we react to life it leaves us feeling exhausted whereas learning to respond to life frees us up to be ourselves in full.

  27. This story is absolutely incredible. And blows all the pictures out the water about what it looks like to recover from such an illness. For many people recovering from such an illness, moving to London would be at the bottom of their list, because of the idea that it isn’t a restful place, and let’s be honest, it isn’t the beach. And so I love how you’ve grabbed life with both hands and taken your self care with you over to one of the biggest cities in the world and planted your rejuvenated body there, showing everyone what’s possible, when you connect and deal with your stuff.

    1. Elodie, it never ceases to amaze me how much our health can change and how we are in life in general can change. From dealing with my stuff, old pent up emotions, patterns of behaviour and beliefs I had taken on, ways of reacting to life, and bringing self love and care into my life a transformation beyond what I could have imagined has taken place. This has come about because of the presentations of Serge Benhayon, of which I so appreciate, from which I have learned and am still learning so much about myself and my choices in life, and which has inspired me to make these changes.. and continues to inspire me.

  28. Lack of trust is huge in the world and from my own awareness and understandings, I have realised that trust starts with self. As I am deepening my trust with self, I am starting to trust others again.

    1. A great realisation to have Lorraine. Building that trust with yourself is the first step in building trust in others and being in the world, and when this is being established life opens up in the most beautiful way.. I have found.

  29. What i started to realise and observe was the way I was living was feeding the exhaustion that I had, which comes from not being all of me no matter what. Thanks to Serge Benhayon I have been able to address the core issue and make different choices. Life is much different today!

    1. That’s great Natalie. What Serge Benhayon presents, coming from his lived way, offers us understanding and awareness of why our life is the way it is and with this the opportunity to make changes to how we have been living is there. Everything we need to do this is presented by Serge.

  30. Absolutely amazing Ruth and it really shows how much we ourselves can support us in how we are in life. I feel your dedication in taking those simple steps to take walks to do things for you, to build a relationship with you, and each step invigorated you, brought you back more. This is how we can support us and all around in life.

    1. Thank you Monica. Yes it is profound what those simple choices of self care and love make to a depleted body and lack of commitment to life. It didn’t take long for my body to respond to these choices and as you say this became my way of supporting myself in daily life.

  31. ‘ It was my choices in reaction to life’s happenings that led me to have Chronic Fatigue and it was my loving choices that healed me from it.’ That’s the power we have, the moment we choose healing, to simply change our lives.

  32. Your story is hugely inspiring Ruth, and you’re living proof of the change that can take place when you commit to yourself and your own evolution, which you have done so beautifully.

    1. Chronic fatigue is such grey area for the medical profession, to have the understanding of why it happens, as presented by Serge Benhayon, and how we can turn it around, ourselves, means it no longer has to be a life long and an ever debilitating life to live.. as I have found.

    1. Agreed Eduardo, it was the teachings and presentations of the ageless wisdom by Serge Benhayon that supported me with my awareness in how I had become ill in the first place through the choices I had made. Awareness of myself is an ongoing process.. it puts my life back in my hands and so empowering me to make changes.

  33. This is so inspiring to read and to know that we do not have to be defined by our illness or our pain, unless we want to of course. I got into a pattern of using my body’s ill conditions as an identification, probably looking for love, attention and sympathy. Looking back to those times it feels horrible to have lived this way but how wonderful to now know that it “doesn’t have to be this way”; that there is another more vital way to live.

    1. Yes Ingrid, I was always sure in my knowing that my illness wasn’t me and I didn’t identify with it, but I did have a pattern of identifying with my pain. Interesting how we can find different ways to get the attention we need at the time. I can feel how restricting it was and that it was an energy that didn’t belong to me. It’s great to see these patterns in ourselves as it allows us to let them go and live more of who we are without the need for the attention or sympathy, and as you say in a more vital way.

Leave a Comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s