Chronic Fatigue – it doesn’t have to be this way.

By Ruth Ketnor, Customer Advisor, London

In 1997 I was diagnosed with chronic fatigue. I had had the symptoms for several years before diagnosis but it wasn’t recognized. Even when diagnosed, there was little known about how to manage or treat it and to a large part this remains the case today.

At this time in 1997, I had a trauma that I felt I couldn’t cope with, my trust plummeted, with little awareness I withdrew … I gave up and my day to day living with the ‘normal’ exhaustion of life became fatigue, then … Chronic Fatigue. My body became depleted and my lymph glands enlarged. I dropped lots of weight in a short amount of time and became very thin. I stopped trusting the world and more importantly myself.

My energy was on the floor way beyond exhaustion, my body ached deeply all over, as did my joints. I regularly had intense stinging in my muscles such that I just had to lie still because any slight movement made it worse, they would feel stiff and as if they were full of something that shouldn’t be there. It was difficult to breathe as even this would make it worse. My sleep pattern was very disturbed and I had intense anxiety. My lymph glands were swollen and painful a lot of the time and I often had a sore throat. I had regular infections and viruses. My mind was very dull, I was unable to think straight or keep up with anyone, physically or mentally. I couldn’t listen to the radio or watch TV as my mind was too dull to process the information. My senses were heightened, so most of the time I had the curtains shut because I was sensitive to light, and I couldn’t tolerate sounds, smells or many foods.

At my worst, my day lasted only 5 hours from beginning to end, though I always got up at some point in the day, as something in me just couldn’t stay in bed continually. I strived to get myself better. I asked the doctor ‘what ever you think it is, if it’s psychological I’ll do what ever it takes’ but there didn’t seem to be a cause that they could see. I also had chronic severe migraines. I was awarded Disability Living Allowance … for life!

Over the years my condition improved but never went away completely, relapsing often along with other health problems or emotional reactions. My energy levels never sustained and I lived in a ‘crash and burn’ way, which just amplified the fatigue. I forced my body to do things, I used to drive it, then suffered the consequences afterwards with even worse fatigue. I used coffee, which I called my ‘false energy’ to get things done if necessary, only to then have to sleep for 24 hours to recover from the stimulation of the caffeine and the forced activity on my already shattered body.

In 2011 I started to get a new understanding about my condition and in relation to how I was living through the teachings of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine. Things started to piece together, I could see a pattern to my life and at last a growing awareness of what Chronic Fatigue was. A shift in me began with a willingness to look at myself and how I had been reacting to life.

I learned that chronic fatigue is a condition of the kidneys, that the kidneys carry the energetic life force for the body; they are about commitment to life, yourself and humanity. Because of my reactions to things that had happened in my life previously, my commitment to life and myself dropped severely.

My pattern in life from a very young age has been to withdraw, if something scared me, hurt me, got too much or I couldn’t cope; with nowhere to escape to, this was my way of coping.

My condition was made fun of at times, which of course confirmed the safety of with-drawing more.

So I embarked on a journey to build trust in myself by making a commitment to myself and life, starting with very short walks and caring for myself, focusing on the quality of how I did things for myself, tenderly, lovingly, building this love in my body. I began listening to my body and learning what supported me, and what didn’t. The Gentle Breath Meditation presented by Serge Benhayon helped me hugely to connect to my body. Addressing and letting go of things that had hurt me in the past, and in the present that would or could trigger me to withdraw, learning to deal with them differently by staying with my body, staying present with my inner strength and the love that I was building, rather than drifting off into day dreaming, watching TV, getting emotional, or eating foods that would stop me feeling. These were all part of what was needed to help heal my chronic fatigue.

I was trapped in a cycle of being afraid of making myself worse, so I was afraid to do more than what I knew was safe. I got caught in this mindset for many years, “I’ll get more tired, I’ll get worse. I can’t, I’m too tired.” But by making those small commitments to myself – a short walk, tenderly looking after myself, changing my part time work from self employed at home in a back room, safely tucked away, to working with and for people with the purpose to serve – I noticed that over the next 3 years as my commitment grew, my energy levels improved with it. As my body got stronger I started some simple exercises, beginning with 5 minutes a couple of times a week building to 15 minutes a day, so now my body is strengthened and more toned.

Seventeen years on I took the final steps out of chronic fatigue. In January 2015 I could feel something big was coming my way, it felt light and bright and amazing. I bided my time and in April I saw an employment position became vacant at a company I’d had an eye on for the last couple of years … waiting until I felt I was ready. The time was now, I knew it, I could feel it and applied … I got the job! … In the centre of London! I moved to London for the job and here I am living and working full time in the biggest city in the country with millions of people and I LOVE IT!

When I moved to London, my body let go of the last residues of Chronic Fatigue. It felt like it was leaving every cell of my body, it was remarkable. I felt so much lighter, my kidneys stopped hurting, I felt amazing, I had energy like I had not felt before. That light, bright and amazing thing coming my way was me! … I was coming back to me.

It was my choices in reaction to life’s happenings that led me to have Chronic Fatigue and it was my loving choices that healed me from it.

Chronic Fatigue keeps you stuck in a cycle that holds you back from who you truly are, separate from others and all you can bring to life. It takes will, commitment and responsibility to walk free of it, but it can be done; I know, because I did it, one step at a time, making loving choices for me.

I am a walking miracle … loving living life!!

With deep love and gratitude to Serge Benhayon and his living way, a constant inspiration to be love.

 

Read more:

  1. Exhaustion and Chronic Fatigue

924 thoughts on “Chronic Fatigue – it doesn’t have to be this way.

  1. Chronic Fatigue is so often underplayed and lost in the huge array of health issues that is overseen or not considered as important as other illnesses. This blog is such a simple and powerful reminder of the debilitating behaviour that can cause huge ramifications to the quality of life we are living. Thank you for bring such a great insight into this topic of illness and disease.

  2. Wow Ruth! This is such a brilliant description of what we choose, and how we choose to live, and the consequences to our body. It is so clear and has such a healing energy. To bring yourself back from that illness is a true miracle and should be documented in the Esoteric Practitioners survey or program.

  3. It really does sounds like you took time to really get to know yourself, to really learn to care for and nurture you. Not making your recovery about anyone but you. This is what I could feel was what ensured you really recovered and developed an amazing relationships with yourself.

  4. Ruth, it is wonderful to read how honest you are about your past choices to withdraw from life – seeing this as your only option at the time. And how now you are free from this ‘only choice’ – now being aware that there is so much more to you and from you to offer.

  5. “I gave up and my day to day living with the ‘normal’ exhaustion of life became fatigue, then … Chronic Fatigue.”
    It is interesting how this is written, it is such that chronic fatigue is not something that just happens, that in fact it has an energetic trigger, the absolute giving up on life. Could this in itself bring into our body thoughts that say to us ‘it is too hard to live’ and then our body simply follows suit with what we have allowed to be in it?

  6. When we are ill we want to protect ourselves from becoming sick again, so it can be very easy to be too careful and start to give up and in doing so begin to withdraw from life. I love that you recognised this and slowly built yourself up so that you are now able to work full time in London, this in itself in indeed a miracle.

    1. Yes Alison, it is very easy to get stuck in a cycle of being safe but this keeps us in the same repetitive place within ourselves, not allowing true healing to take place. Taking small steps out of safe is the way to go.. with consistency, this allows for a foundation to be made that supports us to continue.

  7. “My condition was made fun of at times, which of course confirmed the safety of with-drawing more.” Yes we can become identified in our illness and diseases, they become us and we can use them as a way to not evolve, they are the distraction to not step up and step into our power.

  8. Overcoming and indeed healing from a condition which most people feel is a life sentence is something that should most definitely be celebrated, written about and widely read

  9. I can relate to living from reaction as well Ruth which left me feeling drained from the situations happening around me everyday. Since learning to connect to my body and building my awareness and steadiness of presence this has greatly changed and I am now able to stay more detached to observe and feel the truth of what is going on which has naturally restored my energy levels and impulse to re-engage with life.

    1. Yes, it makes the difference between everything being a chore and things actually being fun while being able to do more.

  10. Ruth this is a wonderful sharing of your experience with chronic fatigue. I have had a less severe form of this disease twice and both times it lasted about 9 months! I feel I too have come to the understanding that it is my lack of self love that put me in this position, since then I have been able to take responsibility for my own choices

  11. This is such an inspirational read. Everyone should read it! The way you have recovered from Chronic Fatigue is amazing, and the way you did it would inspire anyone to start taking care of themselves in a loving way.

  12. Thankyou Ruth, I always get so much out of your blog, much appreciation for your open, honest and straightforward way of sharing. I could also see today in me a pattern of withdrawing when something has hurt me. I also appreciated this line about learning to cope with life differently, by “staying with my body, staying present with my inner strength and the love that I was building”.

  13. There are so many cycles that keep us from living the naturally flow and consistency that are shared continually through the inspiring work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine. The opportunity to dig deeper into the root causes is the difference between masking and truly revealing our potential in the world.

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