I am sick, but I am feeling beautiful

By Danna Elmalah, Student Nurse, The Netherlands.

Today I woke up feeling absolutely sick. In the past I would have felt miserable and inefficient, because I could not ‘do’ anything. I used to only feel like I was ‘worth something’ if I was doing things. The more things I was able to do, the better I felt about myself, but once I was not doing anything I felt worthless and unhappy. But this time around I do not feel that any more; I have noticed that when my body is sick it is actually telling me something… and that when my body speaks to me and I am listening, all that ‘I can do’ seems to matter less and ‘who I am’ starts to mean more. Now, being myself is way more important than what I can do.

I will tell you how it all began…

I was used to always performing, doing, acting and being busy in life. My body was always hard and dense; I had little awareness of how my body felt at that time. I moved in a way that was tight, stressed and busy, not knowing of the effects that was having on my body. I was always trying to ‘do my best’. This was quite exhausting. The moment that I became sick it was hard for me to really settle down and be still and take a real rest. I was comparable to a bouncing ball; even though this was not always visible from the outside, I always felt anxious and bumpy.

I had a drive to do things, always looking ahead of me to what ‘exciting’ thing there was to come. This thought helped me survive till the moment came. But after the event I always felt unhappy; it felt incomplete. Therefore I tried my best to do more exciting things, as I thought that this might help. But nothing really helped. I began to feel even more sad and lonely.

Then there was always a moment where I would become sick again. This terrified me even more, because this time I had no ‘excitement’ to reach out for; I was confronted with feeling my loneliness (my lack of connection and satisfaction with myself), simply just by having to be with myself. That might sound not so bad, but at that time I had troubles with feeling myself and being alone. When I was alone, I would feel the emptiness inside me and feel very uncomfortable.

When being sick, as well as the fever, heavy head, nausea, pain in my stomach or throat, I actually felt uneasy and emotional too. These mixed up feelings made being sick even more intense. At that time I did not know how to deal with being sick, I actually did not know how to be with myself. The only remedy I used at that time was sitting it out and watching TV. And then the cycle would continue.

But I have broken the cycle, and this has been the most loving choice I have ever made. I came across the work of Serge Benhayon, who is the founder of Universal Medicine. He brought me a new way of life, and many tools to be more in connection with myself. I was intrigued, as I could feel continuing this lonely cycle was hurting a lot. I decided that I was in for a change and that I would give it a go. I have chosen to listen to my body…What? I did not even really understand that phrase at first, but now it actually makes sense.

Being sick has offered me an opportunity to feel what was actually happening in my life, that I was living in drive and stress. My body actually woke me up, letting me know that something in my daily living was not right. I learned to become more honest and listen to signals that my body was sending. Such as: pain in my stomach, pain in my arms, or a heavy head. I was asked to be more aware of what I was doing with my body that actually made it feel this way.

At first I had to learn not to react to what I was feeling, I had to stay with my body and listen carefully. Every single signal I was picking up, allowed me to understand more about my body, it allowed me to look deeper into what effects my choices had on my body. I received support from Universal Medicine by all its teachings and from sessions with Esoteric Practitioners. I was being asked to look in more detail at my relationship with my body and the responsibility I have to take care of it. This touched me, because I could feel I had abandoned my body a long, long time ago. That I even forgot that I am responsible for it! To me, coming back to these feelings, all brought to me tears of joy in my eyes, as I knew I could finally change it.

So I wondered. When I became sick again, would I have a different relationship with ‘being sick’ and so with my body? And my answer is ‘Yes!’

By having a more truthful understanding and connection with my body, I felt what being sick actually means for me.

I recently became very sick with having the flu, my body felt really sore and unwell. I felt so uneasy. Yet, I could feel that there was something underneath that was drawing my attention. I could feel that my body stopped me, wanting my attention for how I had lived so far, and that it was tired. When feeling this, I could feel it was absolutely right, I had walked around with my body doing all those things, yet I had paid very little attention to how I was moving myself. I caught myself in moving and walking in a way that was out of rhythm, out of connection with myself. To give a bit of an idea, it would look like a marionette doing certain movements it was actually not meant to do. Literally I was breaking down my body in this way. Being able to feel this, I felt a huge responsibility and I sensed that I needed to take more care of my body. My body actually needed love – it needed to be treated with love – by ME! I was not surprised, but I actually felt empowered by this message. I now choose to be aware of my movements and how I am with myself. I make sure I take moments to stop and check in with how I am feeling, to connect with myself. I am learning to not react to choices I have made that I know are not good for me, but to be with myself and look from there how to make even more loving choices.
Today, I am sick, but actually with feeling all of this, I feel beautiful. I know that I am so much more than an illness, and that it’s my body’s way of showing me that I have more love to give to myself.

Thank you incredibly much Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, for showing that there is another way – a deep and loving way to be with oneself, and to treat the body with absolute care.

The way I am with myself now, also when I am sick, is:

  • Healing: by allowing my body to let go of anything that it has been running around with, due to choices I have made that were breaking it down instead of supportive.
  • Honest: looking honestly at why I have become sick, and what I am feeling. Example: when I feel lethargic, I could feel that this emotion was not only because of the fact that I was sick, but actually an emotion I was holding in my day-to-day living.
  • Precious: it might sound a bit out of context here, but I feel that while I am sick I am actually more sensitive and able to feel and accept that I am fragile. When I connect to myself in this fragility, I actually feel that I am precious and that my body is that too.
  • Honouring: I honour the fact that my body stopped me to look at and feel how I have been looking after myself, what has happened the last days/week or even months.
  • Appreciating: I stand still and appreciate that even though I am sick I am absolutely wonderful, even if I feel like a mess! I seem to appreciate the glimpse of purity in my eyes, this always helps me to surrender to being sick and feel my body pains.

I must say that I was walking the last days in nature, and the sentence that came to me was: ‘I am sick, but I am feeling beautiful.’ This sounded quite odd to me, but I actually felt that this was true. For the first time in my life I actually felt very sick, but at the same time I felt so deeply beautiful.

Being sick, but knowing that I am beautiful no matter what, now is the best feeling I have and can support myself with. Therefore I no longer hold on to what I did wrong or can or cannot do now. I simply accept the fact that I am responsible for how I am feeling, how my body is doing and what state I am in. This feels real and true, as I know now the way I am with myself while I am sick and when I am not; I can take care of myself to make sure that even though I might have disregarded my body, I can take care of it now. I always remind myself of the fact: That I am beautiful, also when I am sick, and that I deserve to absolutely care for myself in the most loving way.

Thank you Serge Benhayon for always supporting me, and being there in my life. I appreciate every minute that I have spent on any workshop, presentation, course or sound recording by Universal Medicine. Without the teachings and modalities of Universal Medicine, I would still be in that cycle of making myself sick over and over again and being miserable with it. Instead now I make sure I look after my body every day, and I actually enjoy it and if I get sick, I understand why and I still feel beautiful.


Read more:

  1. Is true beauty really in the eye of the beholder? 
  2. Truly, deeply beautiful 
  3. Your body tells the truth



951 thoughts on “I am sick, but I am feeling beautiful

  1. What if the way we live is making us sick, many of us seem to be living in the drive to get something accomplished and then move on to the next and the next? When we drive our bodies in such a way is it any wonder we do get sick. The daily pressure we put on our bodies is bound to have an effect and catch up with us eventually. We seem to forget we are not machines but flesh and blood, that our particles are made up of the universe and that make us very special you use the word precious Danna and that is precisely what we are very precious beings residing in a human body.

  2. What came to me reading this, was if we don’t truly look after ourselves when we are well, will we know how to truly look after ourselves when we are sick? I can so relate to ‘having to do things’ and lately have been seeing the challenge in just being with me (aka not ‘doing’ anything) … starting to surrender to this more … a bit! 😶

  3. I love the vulnerability I feel when I am sick. Those moments are a reminder of my body that I can live (and need to live) in that vulnerability.. a reminder to be really loving with myself in every circumstance, even when I’m not sick. This simple choice changes everything, as by allowing me to be vulnerable I need to honour, love and take care of myself, deeply so, and this has very positive consequences to my health.

  4. The revelation that we can observe what is going on in the body without the being being affected by it was a profound one for me. In the space we can offer ourselves through allowing and observation, we can learn so much about our choices, our lives and universal love and order.

  5. Danna, reading this made me appreciate about being sick too and seeing it for more than what it is. It is the body’s way of clearing that what no longer serves it, as well as the feeling that it needs to heal what we have pushed into it that is unloving.

    Every organ of our body’s hold a purpose and when we indulge in something, whether it be an emotion or foods etc. it has to give. And this is the body’s way of letting go.

    Illness and disease is the body’s clearing mechanism. We need the support from the medical professional but there is also the energetic side often ignored. Any illness or disease needs to get to the core of the cause, and then it can truly heal. I have not understood this till I also met Serge Benhayon, Universal Medicine and their practitioners; I now know I am on the path to true healing, whilst before I was only putting a band aid to cover it up.

    1. Shushila, I agree with you when you say
      ‘Illness and disease is the body’s clearing mechanism. We need the support from the medical professional but there is also the energetic side often ignored. Any illness or disease needs to get to the core of the cause, and then it can truly heal’. I know from my own experience when I was mentality ill with the support of the medical professionals I managed my illness, but it wasn’t until I met Serge Benhayon and the Universal Medicine practitioners, that l got to the root cause of the condition. When I got to the root cause I didn’t have any mental ill health it has just evaporated, it’s truly spectacular, I live such a different life now.

  6. “The moment that I became sick it was hard for me to really settle down and be still and take a real rest.” This is so common in society today. There are so many things ‘to do’, so much to achieve and to show that we have done this and that.. Making time to be still is a low priority. Our body then screams stop and gives us symptoms that cannot be ignored. Moments of repose are vital throughout our day, That quality of stillness can then be taken into the motion and ‘doing’ of our day.

    1. Sue, I used to find sickness a hindrance when I was on the go all the time. Sickness is the body’s way to put us in the pit stop to refuel, regather, repair and appreciate where we have come from.

      The world is in constant drive and many struggle with stillness and I used to be one of those statistics too. And now I realise that the world doesn’t stop because I am sick, it still continues and everything will still be there, it’s the quality we present ourselves, is the key to serving and working.

  7. “I simply accept the fact that I am responsible for how I am feeling, how my body is doing and what state I am in.” How often do we consider the only way to take responsibility is to carry around a guilt for what we have done? What you share here has none of that, it is an honouring of the rebalance needed in the moment and we can either honour our body’s need to rebalance, or fight it.

  8. I’m very rarely ill and so a recent illness took me by surprise. I sought help from medical practitioners, equally, I learned to be with and accept it as the body’s way of clearing itself. Though painful, it brought new awareness and understanding of pain and people who live with constant pain on a daily basis. It also taught me to not take being in optimum health for granted.

  9. Thank you Danna, I have recently started accepting my body’s symptoms more and surrendering to them, allowing myself to feel the fullness of the fragility that comes with being unwell, and the honesty on offer to truly change my life by understanding what choices I made that contributed to this and what my body is communicating. I have also felt resting quite a challenge as I have been judgemental or hard on myself with how I got there, instead of just surrendering to what’s needed and accepting the loving choice of resting.

  10. I have been sick for several weeks and it has been a huge learning curve and exposed just how many pictures I have about needing to get better as soon as possible and to be doing something productive. This time that has not been possible and it has allowed me to go deeper and surrender to the learning on offer and the understanding that it is about how I am being in the world and not the amount that I am doing.

    1. How we respond to an illness is the key to recovery and healing. To not fight, but surrender to the wisdom and stillness offered is a blessing in itself.

    2. Surrendering rather than fighting an illness. That feels so graceful with no push or drive. The body then heals in its own rhythm and time. We take our own good health for granted. When we get sick we have to stop and reevaluate how we’ve been living.

    3. The biggest lesson I am learning is what you have touched on Helen
      ‘that it is about how I am being in the world and not the amount that I am doing.’
      I have come to the understanding that I cannot save the world from itself and the choices humanity is making. That going into sympathy doesn’t solve anything, in fact it probably makes it worse as I am enjoining in the mess that’s been created rather than standing on the edge of it and asking the question ‘When are we going to clean this mess up’?

  11. “I am sick, but I am feeling beautiful.” That is amazing, to still feel the beauty within you in sickness, that’s something. I tend to feel like I’m dying when I’m sick, so lose sight of my beauty.

  12. So conditioned are we to be on the move, in constant drive, that we feel a failure when we’re not. Your honesty shows us how to stop this vicious cycle and that when we introduce love as our first priority we find delight in making space just to be with ourselves. Stillness is a blessing to be cherished and nurtured.

    1. Thanks Kehinde, you have such a beautiful way with words, much appreciation for your comment.

  13. The body, wise and wonderful, signals through an ache, skin eruption, tiredness, fall or illness that we need to listen, pause, stop and allow it to re-balance. To push through regardless and ignore these messages of love is foolhardy and can lead to more serious health conditions.

    1. So true, and as with nature, the warning signs are always there, we just don’t listen, see or hear them because we are so busy trying to get somewhere, finish something or change something!

  14. Quite often being busy is not just a way of receiving recognition, it is also to avoid being still – of feeling something, or feeling what is going on for us. If I find myself unable to get still, in constant motion – it’s a big indicator that I need stop to address something.

  15. “I know that I am so much more than an illness, and that it’s my body’s way of showing me that I have more love to give to myself” – this is just so gorgeous.

    1. Yes it is Fumiyo and yet how often do we resist this call to give ourselves more love. It is often the last thing that we turn to, if at all.

  16. When I read such a beautiful experience like this I feel inspired and very grateful for the deep support received by Universal Medicine. Being able to go through life with full understanding and acceptance towards ourselves is very key to take the responsibility about our choices, but also to see our daily life as the opportunity to heal and learn that is. When we open up to that we can no longer feel judgmental or like a victim of our circumstances but empowered and aware of every step we take.

    1. Inma Lorente what you are describing is a different way to live with full understanding and acceptance of who we are. This is a small part of the teachings of the Ageless Wisdom that we are much greater and grander than we allow ourselves to be.

  17. The body often gives us very clear and sometimes painful messages that it feels dis-eased, often a consequence of our mistreatment. If we heed the warnings, stop and reflect on what is happening and why, it’s often possible to see it as an opportunity to support and love our body more, not abuse it.

  18. Thank you Lieke, this was so perfect for me to read today and offered me a great healing. As I read I realised I hold disregard of myself as a mistake which prevents me from more gracefully making changes, and just accepting I am learning. This is a very inspirational line and brings a purpose to our self care in illness, “I know that I am so much more than an illness, and that it’s my body’s way of showing me that I have more love to give to myself.”

    1. Melinda Knights that sentence you have brought to everyone’s attention is actually very beautiful:

      “I know that I am so much more than an illness, and that it’s my body’s way of showing me that I have more love to give to myself.”

      Just because we all have a tendency to give ourselves a hard time, but actually our bodies are always asking us to slow down, and at first be more gentle which is the bridge to being more loving towards ourselves, because if we do not love ourselves we have no true capacity to love another. We may say the words but they are empty and meaningless without the actions.

  19. If we are not defined by how we feel, but heed the communication from the body to seek care and medical support true healing can be sought.

  20. My first reaction when I am sick or have something physical is usually: ‘what have I done wrong?’ I always have to come back to an observation and then ask myself what is my body communicating here, what is on offer? And it is magical how the energetic part supports the healing of the physical. When I had an inflamed right eyelid 2 weeks ago, I ceased in a day as soon as I was willing to look at what I had allowed my spirit to get away with.

  21. I really had to learn that life is not only about doing things to get appreciation and recognition, but that my quality of being is what counts most and influences thereafter anything I will do.

  22. I so love this sentence:
    ‘My body actually needed love – it needed to be treated with love – by ME!’
    This goes for all of us, all of the time. And when you practice this your body is super grateful and reveals its preciousness more and more.

    1. There is no other person that can offer you the level and quality of care that we all deserve. Listening to the body allows us to know when and how to make this come into fruition.

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