Choices, Choices, Choices

by Julie Snelgrove, Merchandiser, Somerset, UK

Three weeks ago I hurt my big toe. The pain was intense at the time of injury. As I was crying in pain I could feel the pain was coming from a much deeper place than just my toe!

The wound was too painful for me to allow the paramedic to clean it up, so they took me to the local minor injuries unit where I could have Entonox (gas and air). I’ve had this before so thought: “Ah, that’ll be ok”.

I was sitting in a chair when they brought the gas in. At that moment my head was feeling vulnerable so I asked my daughter to get me a pillow. As she was getting it – I started breathing the Entonox. I took a couple of deep breaths and then the words the doctor said kept repeating as I lost consciousness and collapsed sideways in the chair. In that moment a part of me was pleased this had happened and for a split second I WANTED this depth of numbness. Then inside me something screamed “Get me out of this now!” I chose to come back and said No to the numbness. It felt like I was dragging myself out of mud and I never want to feel like that again.

As soon as I came round I said “That was awful – I feel like I just had a shot of heroin.”  The nurse was light and humorous and said “You really shouldn’t take heroin through your toe!”

Eleven days later I was back at the hospital to have the stitches removed. This was painful, so I was offered Entonox again. Initially my reply was “No, I passed out with that last week”. 

My choice was based on that previous experience. In that moment I blamed the Entonox for causing it.

As the pain intensified I asked the nurse to stop. She suggested again I have Entonox.

After a brief hesitation, I chose to use the Entonox as a support, to allow the procedure to be completed.

This time I was lying on a couch. I asked for a pillow to support my head before I started using the entonox. The canister was rolled in and I was given a full explanation of how to use it. I followed the instructions and breathed gently. It took a few breaths for the haze to kick in and as it did I heard the words ‘I am divine’. I was fully aware of what was being said and what the nurse was doing. It was just all ‘dulled’. If any words went to repeat this time ‘I am divine’ was there.

I heard the nurse say it was all done and I came around. There was a very big smile on my face as I knew I’d just been through a special healing moment in understanding and experiencing the power of our choices and how these play out.

I thanked the nurse for her amazing support and in this I learnt more as I shared with her how I’d sat in a chair on the previous occasion. She was shocked, because part of the setup is the patient should be on a couch. In that moment I then remembered how I had felt rushed and unsafe, but had let it carry on because of what I wanted – to be numbed.

So what was the difference?

In the first experience I wanted to be fixed. I was angry this injury had been ‘done’ to me and I certainly did not want to accept my part in why it had happened. I CHOSE IRRESPONSIBILITY and then accepted whatever happened after that because of what I needed.

In the second experience I was open to there being another way and how I could be supported and choose this. I made sure I felt supported properly to start with – I was on the couch, I had a pillow, the side was up, I was given a clear explanation. But this was natural because of my choice. 

Two very different outcomes as a result of choices made.

The teachings and presentations of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine have supported and inspired me to make more loving choices. The support I have received from Universal Medicine practitioners over the years has been ongoing and amazing and equally so too has the care, attention and wise words I’ve experienced from all the doctors and nurses in the NHS. So long as All are kept in the picture as part of the healing process, knowing the necessary support is always there from whomever or where ever this may come at the time, Universal Medicine and Conventional Medicine are a marriage made in Heaven.



492 thoughts on “Choices, Choices, Choices

  1. I smiled as I read how you said inside to yourself “Get me out of this now!” I could feel your frustration and your pain, and through that reflection and your want to be fixed, guidelines and a full briefing on how to use equipment were missed which added to your distress, a great example of how our choices influence everything around us.

  2. It’s so easy to blame outside circumstances for our experience of life, but in truth it gets us nowhere. Thanks for sharing Julie, aside from sounding pretty horrendous, what you learnt from it is a beautiful example of what taking responsibility for ourselves is all about.

  3. There is no love or tender care in just wanting to be fixed; it is opting out of taking responsibility for our choices and what a difference it makes to our lives when we choose to come from loving choices.

  4. What a clear message you got Julie – that numbing literally gets us no where. It is quite an apt reflection of how checking out is like getting ‘knocked out’ versus the healing that can take place when we honour our awareness.

  5. You have highlighted a great point Julie when we know we have made an irresponsible choice one of our first reactions is to give up and allow whatever follows as a result rather than empowering ourselves by connecting more deeply to our body, feeling why we made that choice and then empowering ourselves by making a more loving choice that supports our body.

  6. “I CHOSE IRRESPONSIBILITY and then accepted whatever happened after that because of what I needed.” Its an all-to-common choice to be irresponsible with how we want to perceive life – what we need. Life is controlled by our hurts when there is a responsibility that is higher or a deeper truth on our part to go too. Reactions of life are based on knowing this higher truth has not been sought, and the more you feel and know how clearly this is presented the more possibly irresponsibility can be chosen. I find it simple to accept that I hold that higher responsibility in every action – sometimes I cannot be so intensely involved with everything going on around me but its a choice, a responsibility, to feel and confirm always in me there is a higher truth.

  7. I know a lot of the time that simple choice of irresponsibility is holding back what in truth is needed. This requires us to be fully aware that that choice is not coming from a hurt but in the full power and knowing what the truth is for us and all around us. Through observation and therefore understanding the right communication and the way that truth needs to be expressed will be there if that continual choice is being made. Love in truth does not hold back.

  8. An interesting experience, and one that does beautifully express how different choices, different energetic alignment makes a huge difference to how we experience life. Thank you.

  9. I haven’t been in hospital very often, but when I have been in there or at the GP’s I have felt this suggestion, or mood to go numb, and not be responsible. And this is without gas and air, and so it is interesting to consider why this occurs, it came from wanting to be fixed, by another, and not step up myself.

  10. “Universal Medicine and Conventional Medicine are a marriage made in Heaven.” They are indeed Julie. Universal Medicine provides the energetic understanding of our illness or disease and an opportunity to assess the way we are living whilst conventional medicine deals with the practicalities and supports us while we make the changes if we so choose.

  11. “Two very different outcomes as a result of choices made.” Lovely to re-read this Julie. Do we choose to stay with ourselves – or give our power away – wanting to be ‘fixed’ – which is so different from asking for support to deal with whatever matter is in hand.

  12. I always think of my toes as telling me to pay attention to the small details and that seems to be something of great importance here. Small details like feeling rushed, not having a pillow, have big consequences when ignored.

  13. Whenever we choose to take responsibility for ourselves, and this is the full deal, that means really taking responsibility, then it cannot help but empower us. And this empowerment then brings more clarity to our choices , and thus a lovely cycle of re-connection takes place.

  14. When we stop and take responsibility for all that occurs we can look at the underlying cause and this offers a healing at a very deep level.

  15. So it would appear that you received quite a blessing when you injured your big toe! Is it possible that there are no such things as accidents?

  16. Julie I have also learned self care through Universal Medicine, which has naturally developed into a a very detailed level of self care. In your second hospital experience that is what I could relate to, taking your time and letting each part of the process be felt and attended to by yourself with detailed care. It’s an interesting point you make about taking responsibility allowing you to feel settled in yourself and able to self support as you did. It makes sense to me when I am erratic and not attending to my own self care in a loving way moment to moment, there is something I am being irresponsible about. Simple but powerful – thankyou for sharing.

  17. Julie this is amazing, it shows that it is our approach to medicine or in fact anything that is key. Based on our approach to the same situation we can expand or check out. Everything really is about energy before it is anything else.

  18. This was a great example of how we are more than our minds, emotions, and physical bodies. There is something divine within us that can be called on to look after us even when the usual faculties are numbed out.

  19. When we choose to be irresponsible, we accept all that comes as an after effect. But when those irresponsible choices start to tax and wear down on our bodies, our choices are the last place we question. However this really makes sense as to why issues in my life lift almost as soon as I take responsibility and feel the quality of what my choices are and how I can choose otherwise. Thank you Julie.

  20. It is great medicine when we stop and allow ourselves to see the bigger picture. There is always much more going on in any situation than appears on the surface. Not being willing to look at our responsibility for our condition also avoids the opportunity for true healing.

  21. This is lovely Julie, and so important, ‘In the second experience I was open to there being another way and how I could be supported and choose this. I made sure I felt supported’.

  22. Great point Julie that we all have a responsibility and a role to play in our own healing: it’s not about handing ourselves over to the experts, handing over our responsibility because they know best, but about making sure that we’re fully aware and comfortable with what’s going on, and connected to our body so that we can feel how best to support ourselves and what is truly needed. The same applies to any situation really, not just a surgical procedure.

  23. To let go of the need, and sometimes the demand, for someone to fix us, and instead take responsibility for our part in our healing, is in my experience the most liberating feeling; and it all begins with a choice. We have become a society that expects everything to happen at a fast rate and being fixed is definitely on the list of expectations, and once fixed many go back to living the same way again until they end up needing to be fixed again, quickly. To make a choice to acknowledge that our health and well-being is our responsibility is such a sensible and life changing decision to make.

  24. It’s not always easy to see the consequences of our choices. However as you have highlighted Julie we can always make new choices and accept the part we play.

  25. I can relate to wanting situations to be fixed too, with a strong desire to not have to face the choices that had led me to those experiences each time when I did not want to accept or take responsibility, and in doing so I disregarded what my body was telling me.

  26. When we have these kind of experiences we can add them to our increasing number of lived experiences, and if there should ever be another similar situation you will be able to draw on the experience and make a choice that is much more loving for you than on the first occasion. That’s the great thing about lived experiences we can learn a great deal from them.

  27. I had an experience like this on the weekend Julie. I bought something in a shop, even though it didn’t feel right. As I walked away I could feel my body shut down and my mind start to blame the sales assistant for the situation. Yet something in me knew this wasn’t right. After a short walk I went back in and said how I felt and through this exchange worked out what was amiss and walked out with the perfect gift. What helped me come back was the upset I felt in my body. Imagine the impact of all the choices we make every day when we do not take responsibility for how we feel inside. Thank you for your choice to write this blog.

  28. This is a fascinating read. What an amazing sharing showing the difference our choices can make on a seemingly unrelated outcome, but in fact how related and powerful our choices can be on our daily experiences.

  29. This is definitely a marriage made in heaven. Several years ago I had to have a routine health check and I remember part of the process was an ECG. Having had many sessions over the years with Esoteric Practioners I had become aware of the importance of the gentle breath meditation and how this would support me in situations where I might have felt nervous or slightly anxious. By totally surrendering during the check, the machine warning bell went off and staff came over and noted that my breathing rate was so shallow and relaxed that the machine couldn’t register the breathing rate. This was not the norm my doctor mentioned later that day, but a great confirmation of how he was amazed to notice a patient so settled in their body.

  30. I love how you have captured the different choices you made and the completely different outcomes.. Something can be learnt in any situation when we are open to it.

  31. It goes to show that every choice we make has an impact on our next choice in one way or another. When I am present with my body, the presence determines the loving choices I make, but when I lose this connection I can make choices done in autopilot that are not loving; but the more I am aware of this happening, the more I can pause to make changes to stop the momentum and therefore make different choices based on checking in with my body.

    1. I agree Caroline. Autopilot is something we talk lightly of as if it is not serious and perhaps even a humorous thing, but autopilot means we have checked out, i.e. chosen to not be present and the more we do this the more likely we are to end up as a dementia case.

  32. A very poignant sharing for humanity. Such clear writing that describes the effect of our choices and the truth of what it means to be responsible for our circumstances is something that very few surrender to when illness is being lived in the body.

  33. It is interesting to read how we can choose to make the choices complicated when there is an opportunity for them to be pure and simple. The willingness to step up to responsibility can be as simple as letting the moment unfold rather than get caught up in the quick fixes that support no one in the long run and don’t give us an opportunity to learn and heal at the same time. The powerful sharing in this blog is how the person who administered the care was equally able to understand and heal in the process.

  34. The power of choices and every moment leading up to when a choice is made influences the outcome. This was a ‘Divine’ experience for you Julie and also for those around you that were part of the whole experience. Conventional and Esoteric Medicine are a match for whole health and I can’t imagine experiencing any illness/disease where I would not choose to reflect on my part in what was happening as I open to the wisdom of the professionals around me.

  35. I loved reading this today. How we experience life really is up to us completely. Nothing gained in bemoaning the past but everything gained by reconnecting or deepening our connection right now and living from there.

  36. A beautiful example of the difference when we take responsibility for how we are with ourselves in everything we do.

    1. Very true Doug, and very empowering to realise this, as we then understand and know how we have reached a particular point in our lives or quality of life we are living, through which we then know and understand exactly what is needed to change or correct this, or deepen the quality that confirms us so that the enrichment in our lives continues to be magnified.

  37. Universal Medicine and complementary medicine are most certainly a match made in heaven! Basically, honouring yourself and what you need combined with the necessary pain relief = a fuss free, simple experience. Not to underestimate the discomfort and pain, but my feeling is, the experience could have been a whole lot worse if you chose to disregard your body’s need for your loving attention.

  38. Great sharing Julie, our choices play a great part in how we cope or don’t cope so well in certain situations, you give a great example here how through wanting relief from the pain of your experience of using Entonox had you passing out, and on your second visit you used it to support you, and at the same time the support you had from the nurse was very different too.

  39. A great example Julie of two very different outcomes of choices made and how much we are supported when we make the choice to nurture and lovingly take care of ourselves and the effect this has on everyone around us.

  40. Love the distinction about the same action but chosen with a completely different intent and starting point. I can see the fallacy of expectations: when we respond as if the same object, activity and scenario is guaranteed to deliver the same as we experienced before (whether good or bad), but really we need to look to see what was our part in the picture.

  41. Thank you Julie, for sharing how our choices shape the quality of life we live. I also could feel and have experienced myself, that the ‘not so grand’ illusion we so often fall for, believing that we are better off to choose to escape or numb ourselves, is one that never supports us to be truly free. For in attempting to numb, override, or escape the truth on offer for us to feel, we only create more dis-ease, complication, unrest and greater dis-connection within ourselves. For the only true freedom we can live is that which comes naturally through our surrender to the truth at hand.

  42. Bringing your conscious presence to your experience took away the struggle and as you say brought a responsibility that made all the difference. Brilliant.

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