by Julie Goodhart, human resources, United States.
I was pregnant several years ago and had a healthy baby, who was delivered seven weeks early. The experience of being pregnant and giving birth was difficult, nearly disastrous, and I learned a great deal – and am still learning – from that experience seven years ago.
I was not healthy during my pregnancy, and didn’t realise this fact until I ended up in the hospital at 32 weeks with a mysterious case of cardiomyopathy. By this time, my kidneys were shutting down, I was retaining water in enormous amounts, I could barely breathe due to fluid building up in my lungs, and my heart was enlarged dramatically and could not keep up with what was going on in my body, beating at a constant 150 beats per minute (talk about being racy!).
After several days in the hospital in this condition, I went into heart failure and gave birth by emergency C-section. There was a point during this whole event where the doctors told my husband that either myself or my baby, or both of us, may not make it.
But we both did, and after a few more weeks of a variety of different drug treatments, a second hospitalisation, and months of rest, my heart came back to normal size, the water retention cleared, my heartbeat returned to normal, and I could breathe more easily. Was it just the drugs that saved my life? I owe a lot to the doctors and staff who treated me and helped my husband and I through this experience, but I can’t say that it was just the doctors, the treatments, or the drugs that helped me recover. What I can say is that, even in the midst of everything going on in the hospital, I trusted in my body’s natural ability to heal, and in my ability to make different choices to help with my own healing. I’ve often felt it’s true that no one knows my body better than I do, if I’m willing to pay attention.
And the fact that I actually wasn’t paying enough attention was something I realised with honesty while in the hospital and in the weeks afterwards. I reflected on how I was living during my pregnancy – how and what I was eating and the fact that I was not really taking care of my body. The signs were there, and I noticed some of them, but chalked it up to just another odd thing that happens during pregnancy. I understand now that I was not honouring what my body was telling me.
While pregnant, I was hungry all the time and ate often. Without paying much attention, I regularly consumed large quantities of salt, mostly in prepared food that I ate as a ‘snack’ between meals. At work, there was a big project I was in charge of, and I was in a total push every day to finish it before going on leave. There were many other stressors at work, and I chose to deal with them all myself, instead of asking for help. I realise now that I was taking on everyone else’s stuff, giving my power away, and doing what I thought everyone else wanted of me, instead of doing what I felt was right for me. I was exhausted beyond words, and in overwhelm about the thought of being a mother. I felt that I could barely look after myself, so how was I going to look after a baby?
Even though my body healed physically from this experience, it was about two years later that I started to understand that there was more to the cardiomyopathy than just the physical healing. It was then that I first heard about Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon, and attended a Heart Chakra workshop. I started to learn about the relationship between the heart as a physical organ and the heart as an expression of true love. I began to understand that I have a choice to live a life of true love, which begins with a commitment to self-love. What was being presented at this workshop was different from anything else I had ever heard a practitioner or teacher say. Although I could feel that what was being shared was the truth, it took a long time for me to admit that the way I had been living was definitely not true love and not the truth.
In time, I started to see how it was not only my lifestyle choices – the food I ate, lack of a steady sleep rhythm, giving my power away, prolonged stress at work that I actually had some control over – that may have led to having a heart disorder but also the fact that these choices stemmed from a fundamental lack of self-love and the fact that I neither expressed love in a true way, nor allowed others to truly love me. This, I’m still learning as I go about the day – making choices and reflecting on the reasons why I make them – and I understand for perhaps the first time that it starts with my connection with my body.
I am gentler with my body now, and am listening more and more to what my body is telling me every day, such as when it’s time to rest, when I need to eat and what to eat, how to dress for the weather so that I do not get cold and so forth. I am developing more awareness of how my body responds when I exercise, go out in the cold, or even just how I sit at my computer. For me, listening to my body is also about not dismissing seemingly random aches and pains, which are simply offering opportunities for me to develop a deeper understanding of how I go through each day in this body of mine.
I’ve noticed that the more I practise basic self-care, and the more I pay attention to the signs my body is constantly offering, I begin to feel a deep love within me, and the stressors in the world can’t touch that.
There is more to learn every single day, and I am grateful for the choices that led me to the teachings of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine. ………………………………………………………………………………………………………… You may also be interested in reading this article on the connection between heart disease and love.