Some time ago I had a diagnosis of a fungal infection on my skin. This started out as a red mark, a rash on one of my breasts, which I initially thought may have been something to do with breast cancer or an early warning sign of it and this really scared me. I went for a check-up and was told it was a ringworm, a common fungal infection, which I could have contracted from touching animals, and then passing it from my fingers or nails onto my skin. The doctor gave me cream to help it clear, which it did.
Then about a month later, I noticed a few red dots around my hips, something that could have potentially been there for over a year, as I have seen them before, but dismissed them. I thought it was just from my skin reacting to the metal of the buttons on the inside of my jeans, as they would come and go, and be in roughly the same place where the inside of the buttons touched my skin. Then these dots got worse and spread all over my hips, up the inside of my ribs, just under where my arms hang down the side of the body, onto my tummy, under and onto my chest, and then parts of my back.
When I noticed how bad this was, I decided to call the doctor to book an appointment, and at the suggestion of my partner, asked if they had an appointment for the same day.
I got an appointment for a few hours later and was told by the doctor it was a common fungal skin infection, and that we all have fungi on our skin and it can affect us at any time. I was given a medicated shower gel to help clear the infection.
Being a student of The Livingness I knew there was a deeper energetic root cause to this, and it was reflecting something about the way I was choosing to live and I wanted to know what it was. I could use the creams to clear up the infection and continue living my life as it was, or I could go deeper into the energy behind the infection, and address the root cause of this, and work on clearing that from my body and my life.
As with everything in life, there is always an energy behind it. Initially I thought it was dampness in my body as I equated a fungal infection to damp, but I wanted to be absolutely clear and sought support from an Esoteric practitioner.
With support, I came to the understanding that energetically a fungal infection is a deep disregard for myself and my body. Basically, I was poisoning myself from the inside out.
We often assume we poison ourselves by the food or drink we consume, but, have we ever considered we can poison ourselves from the inside out by taking on others emotions, indulging in emotions, living in any way that is not in our true light, for me this played out in the choice of deep disregard.
This was a HUGE wake up call for me! Like a WOW!
For me, to disregard simply means to ignore.
Now by no means am I out of this, nor have I cleared the energetic root cause fully from my body, but the combination of the energetic truth and the support of western medicine is allowing me to looking at it from a whole, not in parts. Not just looking at the marks on my skin, and passing it off as an infection, but looking at my part in it, how I have chosen or am choosing to live. Western Medicine looks at the end result, the marks, the rash and deals with that very well; the Esoteric asks me to look at the energetic root cause from the inside out, to look at how I have been living, the choices I make, and the energy I have been choosing that has led to this infection.
I have found it quite confronting to look at the underlying cause of this condition.
Energetically, the hips are where we store ideals and beliefs, so I have been looking at how I use other people’s beliefs or the beliefs I have taken on, pictures that are not true, to dismiss and disregard myself, to fight my truth, ignore my body, ignore my feelings and give my power away to other people. How I look outside myself to others and the world for answers and choose to live my life by other people’s ideals and beliefs, reactions or responses, living in fight or flight, instead of living my absolute truth, solidness and strength, in my power and knowing.
For me, the not listening to myself, to my truth, plays out a bit like a teacher asking a child in the class a question about the child that only she knows the absolute truth to, then turning their back on that child, ignoring her, not listening to what she is saying, even if she is shouting and jumping up and down, as she is so clear and knows the answer, (of course she would, as it’s about her), but the teacher turns their back on the child and looks outward to the whole class for the answer, none of whom truly know because it’s not about them. That’s what I do to myself, to my truth and my body.
Then there are my ribs, which for me is about my light, constantly fighting it, sabotaging it, and the energy I am choosing to live in, there’s more here for me to become aware of and that will unfold in time. I also feel there is a deep sadness here that is to be cleared.
My breasts for me are about not living my fullness as a woman, lack of self-nurturing, not being and living the delicateness, the nurturing tender woman I am first with myself and then with others, sometimes I still go back to that little girl. When I look back, I’ve always tried to out-do or prove myself to others. I also hide my chest, my sexy, gorgeous body, my curves, and myself by dressing in a way that hides all this, to avoid unwanted sexual energy or being looked at. If I were to allow myself to express in full I’d dress in sexy tight clothes, showing off my body and not holding back an ounce of sexiness or hiding my divine curves.
Then there is my tummy and my back, where the rash spread. For me my tummy is to do with my lack of accepting the divine truth that I am a Son of God, and not accepting my light, how amazing I am, the fact I bring so much to the world, and reflect so many amazing qualities, it may also be me fighting my light, fighting the love that I am, and the love that is all around me, from myself and other people. It’s interesting as my tummy has for years been constantly bloated and gassy, nothing I am given helps, so there is more from an energetic perspective to look at here, definitely around not accepting something – for me it feels like love.
As it spread onto my back, over my shoulder blades, I looked at me fighting my own light, my truth again, all the angelic qualities I bring, yet do not live. And also the hardness and protection I live in, the fight or flight mode coming in. It’s an exhausting way to live, constantly changing myself, my energy depending on others responses or reactions, trying to work out how people will be with me, instead of holding myself and the quality of my energy no matter what, living from my tenderness, no matter who I am with or where I am.
This is all new to me, and something that’s going to unfold over time, in its own time, and with that my deepening understanding and learning from it.
But I do know that without the support of the Esoteric I could have simply had a cream from the doctors, which is fine and very much needed, a very self-loving choice to make, but dismissed the opportunity to go much deeper and see the energy that’s playing out behind the infection. But now with my willingness, and openness to go there, and ask for the support, I have an opportunity to really look at, feel and heal the deep level of disregard I live with in many areas of my life.
With deep thanks and appreciation to Esoteric Medicine in combination with Western Medicine that enables me to heal not only the physical aspects of the condition, but also the root cause and my way of living.