Eating humble pie – taking antibiotics for the first time in over 20 years

by Matilda Bathurst, Midwife & Primary School Teacher, UK

I have been beautifully, tenderly and gently humbled this week following a visit to my GP on Monday. For over 3 weeks I had had a cough and was feeling various degrees of unwell, resisting, as is my tendency, really taking care of myself and allowing support from others.

Prompted by a beautiful man in my life, I made the appointment and was guided by my GP to take some antibiotics, in that a cough that persists for over 3 weeks is significant and he could hear a ‘slight crackle’ in the base of my left lung.

For a long time, I have had a disdainful relationship with mainstream medicine, avidly exploring alternative modalities and building an arrogance in myself about mainstream medicine being ‘less’ and below me. So it was with some discomfort and unfamiliarity that I collected my prescription and actually committed to take the tablets.

What has transpired in the week since (I completed the course yesterday) has been nothing short of miraculous. For one the cough has gone… but more significantly I have had the opportunity to explore and review a filing cabinet’s worth of pictures, beliefs, opinions and ideals about how I have always thought things ‘should’ be: how I should present myself in the world and that it is a failure and weakness to be ill and need the support of others.

I wrote to my GP today to say thank you and enclose a copy of part of the email here:

‘I just wanted to say a big thank you for your support in our appointment last week. I have just finished the course of antibiotics and my cough has gone. Almost more inspiring though than this, is the fact that my whole relationship with being unwell and allowing myself to be supported has shifted. I realised that in well over 20 years I have only taken one paracetamol and up to last week I was quite stubbornly proud of this, but what it actually shows is that I have not allowed myself to be taken care of and have ‘done’ hardship far too much.

So, more than just physiological support, my first round of antibiotics for a while has shown me a whole lot more.’

Would I say I have a tendency to be stubborn, yes; opinionated, yes… but less and less so and it is life changing moments like this one that are breaking the abusive and self-disregarding patterns of behaviour I have chosen and established in my life.


Read more:

  1. Should we reconsider what illness and disease mean for us? 
  2. Why don’t I feel well? Is illness and disease just a random event? 



494 thoughts on “Eating humble pie – taking antibiotics for the first time in over 20 years

  1. I was one of those people that had to be on deaths door before I would go to see a doctor, thinking it wasn’t very manly or a bit weak but now I will go at the drop of a hat, with one in three of us getting cancer I want to be on top of it if it turns out that I am that one in three.

  2. Hardship is one that can easily be something that we feel we need we have to go through in life, and it can be on just small things where we feel it can’t be that easy. What I have found with applying the teachings of Serge Benhayon, from being inspired from what he shares and lives is that it really doesn’t have to be like this. We need to take responsibility for the choices we make and this includes seeking medical support, emotional suppport or physical support in order to move through things that can be presented. We are for ever learning so bringing in a form of hardship or punishment does not serve anyone.

  3. Awesome sharing Matilda… there is always so much more to our illnesses and diseases than meets the eye if we are prepared to truly see what our bodies are offering us.

    1. Yes, … there is often more than meets the eye… being prepared to see the bigger picture of illness and disease enables us to take off the blinkers of ideals, beliefs & perceptions, and realise more about ourselves than we would otherwise have discovered … and then subsequently heal.

  4. Oh how our stubborness can get us into trouble and keep us stagnant, like you Matilda I also avoided main stream doctors. What I love about this blog is it exposes that what we feel is “good” can often be capping us.

    1. Yes… being honest about my stubbornness (ignorance and arrogance really) offers the opportunity to listen, be fresh in moments and therefore open to all the learning on offer.

    1. Absolutely Michael… we are so, so much more than this human body – we are multi-dimensional beings – every one of us equally and innately so.

  5. What a great example of healing where you not only address the physiological issues that affect our functioning, but examine the underlying beliefs and ideals that undermine our ability to self care and self nurture.

  6. It is so liberating to actually surrender to what we feel our body is aksing for. Fighting these messages is exhausting and simply adds to the dis-ease.

  7. It is quite exposing see just how abusive it is to live driven by ideals and beliefs as they do not consider or are implused by the intelligence of the body but rather come from a knowledge base, mind driven concept that generally only serves an emotional need to be identified in some way. I have found that this always results in us disregarding the truth of our bodies and how this truth always supports and guides us.

  8. Owning up when we have changed our minds, and maybe we weren’t right about something is such good skill to have, because no-one gets things correct all the time, and it is brilliant for children to know that parents can make mistakes too.

      1. Mhmm, what if in living far less we are actually given everything we need to feel however we want, but when living Truth we are simply given everything we are.

  9. Surrendering to what we know is true deep within us, is a huge and vital step towards true healing.

  10. How many times do we find ourselves refusing medical advice and then having to revisit the same condition later only to find that it did not fully resolve itself?

  11. Humble pie is good for the arrogant and ignorant being inside us that likes to think of itself to be superior and in control even when reality clearly shows that it doesn´t work – the bliss of ignorance and pride.

  12. We can make choices and decisions throughout our lives, but it is so important to realise what pictures contain and hold us to influence those decisions. It is great Matilda, that you have realised how those choices controlled you in the past and you have been released from those ideas now.

  13. There is a beautiful surrender in accepting the help which is there around us in all true forms, whether from medicine to support our healing or from esoteric healing to support medicine.

  14. There is an enormous level of surrender that occurs in the body when we ‘let-go’ of an attitude or firmly held perception that we are ‘right’ , and experience a ‘humble pie’ moment… this surrender is probably the greatest healing step – of self care – towards ourselves, revealing just how much we allow the human spirit to wield control and override the body.

  15. Working with alternative therapies for many years, it was against ‘my principles’ to resort to taking drugs of any kind – it felt like a failure in succumbing to them and it was only when absolutely necessary with the GP insisting upon them being taken. Since attending presentations by Serge Benhayon the foolhardiness of this arrogance was exposed. As I changed my choices, eating humble pie was soon on the menu. From this, an honest and open relationship continues to be re-built with my body, the GP and to saying yes to medications whenever required. They are a blessing to support my healing.

  16. Whilst there may be a little discomfort in being humbled, there is also a refreshing quality to being able to see clearly where one is at. The way forward and the what next becomes more clear also.

  17. Thank you Matilda, at any time we allow ourselves to release old patterns that have held us in a way of living that is less than loving for our body, then we have taken an evolutionary step. Old-ways that hold us in a ill-belief-system are simply an energy that has had a controlling influence, which has taken advantage of our ego so we are not doing all the self-loving-ways that bring us a blessing to our being and thus every aspect of life so we evolve.

  18. Thanks for writing this Matilda, I have often resisted taking things like antibiotics or if I did I seldom finished the course as instructed, but I now realise the importance and duty to the care and love of self so won’t be so reckless anymore.

  19. ‘it is life changing moments like this one that are breaking the abusive and self-disregarding patterns of behaviour I have chosen and established in my life.’ – Indeed it is, very relatable – such a reflection is a huge eye opener as well as a true healing of a long held belief of right and wrong or good and bad.

  20. Most months I have to take painkillers for my periods, and every time it is a humbling moment of admitting that the way I have lived up to that point led me to needing to take medication for the pain – if we can be willing to see our illnesses as stop moments that ask us to go deeper with what is really going on, then medication doesn’t have to be a band aid but rather a humbling moment to reflect.

  21. I must admit I am wary of taking antibiotics, especially as the last time I did my body had a severe reaction, but I will always consider taking pharmaceuticals as offered, and carefully research the side effects. because of my generally healthy lifestyle many side effects will not happen to me but, because I am more sensitive these days, some of them will affect me more. It is a case of respecting what can be done and also treating my body with the deep respect it deserves.

  22. How often does that need to be right, actually cause us to have unnecessary health issues? I recently watched an NHS video of a young mother who did not vaccinate her child, and her daughter contracted measles. She admitted and was honest about how she assumed all the children around her would be vaccinated, so she felt she did not have to.

  23. If we truly want healing, and to be helped we often find that the ‘answer’ is right there under our nose. So often it is something super simple and sensible we have wilfully chosen to overlook.

  24. The support we can offer one another can be so valuable in getting a clearer perspective on life, including very much how we are with our body, helping each other to recognise harming beliefs and to reconnect with a more truly loving way of being instead.

  25. The support of medicine and the way we live combined is amazing if we are willing to accept all that is offered to us with a discernment and quality. True understanding of our bodies listening to what they are telling us and seeking support when needed brings a settlement and ease to our lives and a honouring way of living.

  26. It is so liberating when we let go of beliefs and ideals that we have about things because if it is a belief or an ideal then it is not true. There is a huge difference between believing something and knowing it.

  27. Thank you Matilda, for this beautiful exposure of how our ideals and beliefs so often play out as an abuse to our body and being, along with how the harm of thinking we are ‘right’ impacts us with the blinding illusion that we know better than our bodies are indicating. Your openness to exploring the truth is inspiring.

  28. The medical profession can offer immense support if we can work with them. We don’t need to put them on a pedestal, or diminish ourselves in their presence, but rather forge a partnership that is part of our overall health approach.

    1. For me it has made a huge difference to see my doctors as someone I partner up with, and to the best of our ability, together we land the best possible result for my body, health and wellbeing. I find that not all, but many doctors are open to work this way with their patients, as a patient we just need to be very clear that we want to be an active part of the process.

  29. It is great how much we can learn from one simple situation if we feel what is really going on for us.

    1. This made me laugh as it is so true, as once we let go our arrogance in thinking we know better than our body’s intelligence and actually feel the power and freedom in honoring our body, we then can see non-sense of holding on.

  30. It is a great show of appreciation to your GP Matilda, as many people turn up to a medical appointment just wanting to be fixed and not look at themselves as being a big part of the dis-ease forming or healing process …The “Fix me Doctor” expectation is a burden on public health, both emotionally and financially. .

  31. Being beautifully gentle and humble is a great first step to truly evolving. Being angry, imposing and snarky is a leap back to ignorance. The choice is yours.

  32. There is something in going to the doctor that requires us to admit to being sick – rather than soldiering on and maintaining that we are fine, that step to seek support can be a big one, because it is the first step in acknowledging that something isn’t okay

  33. We can be so set in our ways and think that it is working, so when we do open up and allow another’s care and advice to be shared and then put into practice it gives us the opportunity to see it and feel it another way.

  34. This has made me realise all the times over the years that I have resisted going to the doctor and yes we do have a sort of culture or upbringing that makes us think any illness is a sign of weakness and that we are tough and committed and can push on through.

  35. I know how I’ve treated my body hasn’t been good all my life – I’ve been abusive and taken it for granted. So now, as I have lots of blood test and health checks and facing up to the consequences I’m learning to be open to the support on offer. All along the medical staff have been super supportive and I’ve allowed myself to be very vulnerable and transparent about my fears and tears. Too long I’ve tried to be a hard nut which has led me to the need for this support in the first place.

  36. It is a beautiful experience when we surrender to what is truly best for the body – and in this comes the healing.

  37. Very cool that you actually emailed your GP to let them know how much you appreciated their support and care when you were ill. Not something many people bother to do and I am sure that GP would have really appreciated the positive feedback.

    1. Yes, all too often I suspect GPs are not seen for who they are and the great service they endeavour to bring. There’s a level of honest transparency here that’s inspiring. I will have great conversations with my GP, nurses and consultant and whoever is treating me and here I’m feeling to be open to expressing what’s needed. I know I take the time to write reviews as they are important too – and express outside the box of how a service was just from my point of view and how it impacted just me – which is something I notice the questions try to confine the answers to. I feel a health service is a collaboration and a relationship where both parties need to be considered.

  38. When we are ill (or not ill for that matter) and we stop, even for a moment, that is the time that our body can use to heal itself. And when we do not honour this stop, then this means that body must find another way to do its healing work, and it makes it harder and can delay the process. What you have shared here Matilda is beautiful as you have shared about a healing to the whole process which is not impeded by taking medications. Thank you so much for sharing your process and showing how when we surrender to the healing, then we get given so much more than just a recovery from the disease or illness!

  39. It is a beautiful thing indeed when we allow ourselves to drop an ideal or a belief that hinders us from healing. I too went through many years staunchly priding myself for not taking any conventional medicines, not even pain killers and not even a local anaesthetic when going to the dentist. And finally I came to terms with the fact that such a rigid approach was not supporting my health and well being and so I did also eat humble pie and since then have realised how important it is to be open to having the support both from conventional medicine and complementary medicine too! What a blessing!

  40. Awesome sharing Matilda – it is in the marriage of conventional medicine and complementary medicine that we are offered a full opportunity for healing. If we use one without the other and do not hold a true intent to heal, then we are selling ourselves short each time.

  41. Our body is more than matter. We can think it is just that but when we do, we miss out on seeing what is actually causing the illness and disease in the first place. For example I once had a cold that was really quite bad but it was not until I connected with the fact that I had been holding back my voice in many situations that it started to ease.

  42. This shows us the beauty of the marriage between Western Medicine and Energetic Medicine – treating both the energetic being AND the physical form it is (we are) enhoused within. No part is left out of the equation and this allows a true healing to occur.

  43. Beautiful Matilda, you show the way. This is such a common belief in society, that we should push through, not be childish, not mind the little pains, etc. In the mean time it is not taking care of ourselves the way we should: taking medicine when needed is one aspect of it.

    1. Spot on Willem – pushing through is such a common way of dealing with everything in life, and yet this denies the very vehicle that connects us to Soul and allows us to truly heal.

  44. I agree with you Gill and with a huge dose of honesty and openness, we can often very easily see what is true and what is not.

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