From Seeking the ‘Perfect Body Shape’ to Finding My Body Perfectly Beautiful as it is…

By Susan Lee, Norfolk.

I have always had an ambivalent relationship with my body – I compared it and judged it against what I felt was the ideal shape and size as presented by the media, celebrities and the world around me. Even as a young girl I felt this dissatisfaction and was aware that my body was pear shaped and I was always wishing that my legs would miraculously change – and this was an underlying preoccupation that was always running just beneath the surface. I was deeply dissatisfied with myself and I am now realising that it was very painful to reject my own body in this way. At the time I had no idea how important my relationship with my body could be – or that in fact I could have an intimate and meaningful relationship with my body. I also felt that if I had ‘the perfect body shape’ then life and my relationships would likewise be ‘perfect’.

Later in my life I began to lose weight and change shape – my ‘pear’ was disappearing and I was delighted! I found it easier to buy clothes and felt more attractive and sexy. My diet had changed too as I was beginning to look at how I lived life and the effect that food had on my body and the way my body metabolised what I was eating. Looking back on this stage of my life it was more about control, so that I could look a certain way, than really feeling into what would support my body. I listened to the advice of others and did not trust myself to know what would support me to change the deep dissatisfaction I had about myself.

The consequence of not listening to my body.

The consequence of not truly listening to my own body was that I lost weight to the point that I felt that I did not like looking at my body; my clothes were just hanging off me and I would comment to myself when I saw myself in a mirror that if I didn’t know better, I would think I was anorexic. I was still eating quite regularly but I realised that the way I was living was not supporting my body. I held my body in constant tension and anxiety and so was burning off the calories at a higher rate than my intake. My metabolism was all over the place – and I felt powerless.

My past relationship with my body and food.

When I look back on the first three or so years of my life, I can feel the connection to this awesome child that embraced life and had a sense of wonder and love that was joy-full and vivacious – and yet could not quite understand what was going on, as the world around me was not confirming this. I became disillusioned and then gradually I found myself succumbing to all the ideals and beliefs that our current world and systems feed us, and gradually ‘my sense of self’ was undermined and it was at this point that I gave up and abandoned myself to food.

I was offered food by way of consolation for the lack of love that I knew was a natural way of life. Love was not openly expressed in my family and I recall as a child giving a member of my family a hug and it being shrugged off and I was told that ‘an ounce of work was worth a pound of pity’. I found this very confusing and painful.

As a family we were brought up to believe that you ‘live to eat’ and it became an element of family life that drew us together and was a common bond. It took on an importance that put everything out of perspective – and was also used as a reward at the end of a long hard day, or offered as a solace when you had emotional pains and hurts. At the time I had no conscious idea that I was using food as a comfort to dull down my senses and ignore everything that was taking place around me. It became a focus for me and took over from any true connection with what life was truly all about.

I began to realise that there was something fundamentally unhealthy about my relationship with food when I was about to undergo a procedure where I had to fast for 24 hours and realised how much of my day was taken up with all-consuming thoughts about food. This certainly felt very unhealthy.

Something else that felt true for me and was apparent as I grew up was that food is used to numb, dull, stimulate and distract us instead of having a true relationship with it – it can be a big diversion that allows us to become lost in a sentimental and rather emotional journey that is nothing but a diversion away from feeling what is truly taking place.

There is nothing wrong with food when we keep its importance in perspective – we need food to sustain us in our human life – but it does not feel healthy or rational when it becomes the whole meaning of our life.

I became very aware that my relationship with food was not healthy and not supporting me to evolve. I was also aware that when people discussed eating disorders I was relating to many of their behaviours and habits, such as secrecy and obsessive thoughts.

Seeking true support.

When I began to address my weight loss and my relationship with food, I went to see the doctor and a dietician. At the same time, I had great support from Esoteric Practitioners who supported me to change both my perception of myself and food. This is still an ongoing process as I am forever learning, expanding and developing.

Life continues to challenge and to change as I gradually open up to loving my body more – I have always had an aversion to my legs and the other day I looked at them and felt how beautiful they were, no longer wishing to change them but appreciating them for the way they support me – this feels quite awesome to have changed what seemed like a very ingrained dislike of my body.

It has been a long journey to learn to support my body to become more healthy and alive – and to find a way of living that is slowly but surely bringing more joy and fun. It also feels like a way of living that is more than just about my body – it’s about beginning to live a life that is more encompassing of all and aware of all the little details that add up and support us to live life more in harmony with and acceptance of ourselves, life and the world around us.

We each need to find our own unique and unfolding way where we begin to love ourselves and life and become more fully engaged and empowered, as it is certainly awesome when we begin to realise how truly precious and amazing we all are within beneath the surface, no matter what shape we are. Rather than seeking the ‘perfect body shape’ (which is a complete illusion) I now accept my body shape as perfectly beautiful just the way it is!


Read more:

  1. Universal Medicine helped me heal Bulimia. 
  2. Eating patterns and comfort eating. 





705 thoughts on “From Seeking the ‘Perfect Body Shape’ to Finding My Body Perfectly Beautiful as it is…

  1. Food is a topic that has enthralled us I suspect for many a lifetime. Some I have noticed build their life around food and what they are going to eat stays with them throughout the day as if a reward for getting through the day. I just see it now as something we use to dull how sensitive we are and use it for that purpose more than to nurture ourselves.

    1. Yes, Julie – and yet for me even though I am understanding more and more there is always still further to go with exploring this relationship between my body and food. The deeper I go the more sense it makes to honour the body first before listening to the taste buds in my mouth.

  2. Appreciating our body for all it does to support us as we move through life offers space to be aware of the beauty of our inner essence..

  3. Seeking perfection in a picture is never who we are. The loving dedication of ourselves and the appreciation of our body for holding us so tenderly in love, waiting for us to ‘get it’ that our body hold such wisdom and love within, that is so important. Just as you were able to appreciate your legs for supporting you, so to do we need to appreciate the all we are in this body.

    1. Beautiful Ariana – ‘The loving dedication of ourselves and the appreciation of our body for holding us so tenderly in love, waiting for us to ‘get it’ that our body holds such wisdom and love within’ who could possibly resist – and yet we do as we each return to that point where this will be our living reality.

  4. It is very common to grow up with that kind of relationship to food. We take on so many behaviours that are common but not true and it takes a lot to renounce them when we are older, as we got so used to it. Imagine we would raise our children differently instead of “how everybody does it” . What if food is to keep us alive but not to fill any emotional gaps we have because we are disconnected to ourselves.

    1. Although it’s very common to grow up with ‘that kind of relationship to food’ it feels as though a new awareness is burgeoning and we are all beginning to question whether these time-old ways are serving us any longer? Eventually we will all realise that our bodies are for us to honour and not obliterate with anything that comes to hand be it food, alcohol or some other numbing out device.

  5. I agree our thoughts are very harmful for our body and reconfigure our whole being to move in a far lesser way than how we are truly designed to express. It makes sense that in being dissatisfied with ourselves that we constantly look outside to seek another shape or look to feel better and not appreciate ourselves for who we truly are.

    1. As we let go of berating ourselves we begin to feel an expansion from within. Acceptance is the key to truly healing and becoming whole – and this wholeness allows an unfolding and an opening for us to deepen our relationship with our body and surrender.

  6. When we choose to be more loving and gentle in how we treat and hold ourselves we initiate true change and our body responds by restoring and rebalancing itself back to harmony and the natural shape we are meant to reflect and express with.

    1. Making the choice to connect to our body is so simple, whilst being one of the most powerful and life changing moments as we allow the body to unfold back to its natural way of being. As you say Linda ‘our body responds by restoring and rebalancing itself back to harmony’ and what could be more beautiful and a blessing for the world to also feel and find inspiration..

  7. A great reminder of how images can control our choices and how damaging that can be, we are all unique and we are not designed to be perfect.

    1. When we allow anything from outside to impose and control us we are dishonouring our body – our one true ally within what we know as human life.

  8. We so willingly abandon ourselves, a sacrifice on the altar of advertising, the media, our images, ideals and the pictures of how we should be and look. Our body then suffers as a consequences and has to bear the brunt of this madness.

  9. This blog raises the question if we take on beliefs such as we live to eat, how can we connect to true purpose and engage fully in life?

    1. And as we begin to question more and more we can wonder why it is that we feel the need for these beliefs when in truth and in full connection we simply know……

  10. “I was deeply dissatisfied with myself and I am now realising that it was very painful to reject my own body in this way”. I used to think that my thoughts somehow magically floated into my head and floated off again without leaving an impact. Since re-discovering my body through gentle movements and conscious presence, I know that my body hears and feels every thought. The comparing, critical thoughts cause a great deal of harm, more than any food I can eat or lack of exercise.

    1. Yes, as we go deeper and deeper we can begin to see the whole unfolding – or as I now feel we are returning to the ‘whole’ we innately know we are.

  11. The more we realise how beautiful we are, the more we stay us in all communication and movements.
    We can start to feel a fullness in our body from where we deeply enjoy ourselves with all the forms of our body. No pictures how we should be but free.

    1. Yes, Sylvia – appreciating ourselves begins the process of self healing and as we feel a deeper settlement in our body we move and communicate with ease and an expansion that permeates every particle and allows space and a fullness within.

  12. It’s an interesting story Susan, what I can feel is we know love (you sharing a hug as a child) but then we withdraw it or give up on it because of hurtful, confusing or traumatic circumstances. It may be as simple as our love being rejected. From that point what may happen is by separating from our love we are left with ideals and beliefs, and to seek recognition and acceptance for things that we do or for how we look. It’s a huge journey to unpick this all and recover ourselves out of issues like body image ideals to return to self love and love – congratulations as it’s amazing to read about the love you have reconnected to and now can live from Susan.

    1. And this unpicking is an ongoing process ad infinitum I feel – each moment passes and makes way for a deepening and what we feel is love today is something we may leave behind tomorrow.

  13. Our body shape and weight is telling us something about how we are living. Rather than berating it what if we stopped to pay attention and listen? What if it is already perfect for us in order to learn or confirm something right now?

  14. “I was offered food by way of consolation for the lack of love that I knew was a natural way of life.” This is a common way of ‘making up’ for the lack of quality of presence – from parents, grandparents and the like. This teaches young ones to look for sweet treats to fill the emptiness they may feel in later life. And now we have an obesity epidemic………

    1. And when we are willing to see this Truth maybe we will be willing to accept responsibility for all the ills and re-imprint the culture of blame that is currently so prevalent.

  15. We can spend our days trying to fix ourselves and live with anxiousness, or simply connect to the part of us that isn’t broke, our essence and multi-dimensional selves.

    1. There is a much deeper part to us that reaches into eternity and embraces multidimensionality, the joy and grandness of our amazingness.

      1. ‘There is a much deeper part to us that reaches into eternity and embraces multidimensionality’ and when we feel this we no longer need anything outside – we are at one with the all that is graciousness and truly magnificent.

  16. That constant daily rejection of our bodies, as well as thoughts of ‘I just need to x and then I’ll feel x’ or if only x were different, then I could fully embrace life, or whatever we want to be doing, take their toll and wear us down. When we let go of control and perfection, and needing things to be certain ways for us, we feel lighter, fuller, and much more connected and committed to loving ourselves and others.

  17. When we hold a part of our body as less or not up to scratch we are rejecting a part of ourselves… no wonder we then have illness and disease like eating disorders and excessive exercise and plastic surgery. There is a disconnect and therefore when we do not realise our body is a vehicle of expression for our soul to express through, then we can do just about anything to it.

  18. The more I deepen my relationship with my body and how I take care of myself, the more I naturally want to support it without judging or criticising but with more patience and appreciation, catching myself when I get distracted or how I relate to food in a way that does not support me 100%.

  19. When we can come to the understanding that we are all unique in body shape and what may be acceptable for one person’s body may not be suitable for ours, we will be able to let go of the striving for the perfect body shape. It’s our uniqueness that makes us who we are and that is to be embraced not cast aside in the quest for perfection, an ideal that simply does not exist.

    1. The problem is we’re all obsessed with the physical not multi-dimensional and this leads into a cul-de-sac.

  20. I can feel how we reduce ourselves when we live to and with images, instead of allowing the whole of us to feel and know what is true, and participate and commit to what is.

  21. There is always very subtle message being delivered from our body. It knows what it needs always, in the moment. Whether that is rest, exercise, a specific food, how much to eat, the time to eat, there is so much that our body divinely knows, if we are just willing to feel it.

  22. If we are living according to a picture, or an image, life cannot help but be one endless disappointment. To reconnect and to start to feel who we truly are gives us the opportunity to reconfigure, to be, to live in harmony with ourselves.

  23. How beautiful to come to a level of acceptance of your body after experiencing all the issues you have described. Our environment when we are growing up has such an impact on how we live and what we perceive as ‘normal’. Finding our way out of this and finding our own true way is sometimes not easy, but is worth every moment of exploration and openness to change.

    1. Yes Rebecca it definitely is ‘worth every moment of exploration and openness to change’. It has been a long process and one where I have not always wanted to see what was evidently clear once I began to become more self loving in my relationship with myself.

  24. ” Rather than seeking the ‘perfect body shape’ (which is a complete illusion) I now accept my body shape as perfectly beautiful just the way it is’ How beautiful Susan.

  25. Food is a tricky one – on the one hand, we want to eat healthily and to nurture our bodies, and yet, on the other hand, we feel compelled to eat things that are not good for us or the shape or health of our bodies.

  26. Accepting oursleves from the inside out, from our true qualities within, is the way to go. It allows us to see what doesn’t belong to us, the self criticism in how our bodies are, the comparison with others, and let it go and appreciate our qualities and the body we have.

  27. It’s so exhausting disliking and berating our bodies for not fitting into our picture of what perfect would look like. Whereas there is so much freedom in appreciating what we have and seeing that there is nothing wrong with the way we look.

    1. Perfection is such a huge detour whereas appreciation can build a deep inner acceptance and confirms our relationship with God. Judging ourselves so harshly has been our downfall from feeling the grace and beauty that is our natural way of being at one with the world.

  28. “I began to realise that there was something fundamentally unhealthy about my relationship with food when I was about to undergo a procedure where I had to fast for 24 hours and realised how much of my day was taken up with all-consuming thoughts about food.” This is a great example Susan of how we get so stuck in our ways of just going through the motions of eating meals at certain times, because it’s what we’ve been conditioned to do, rather than stopping to feel whether it’s what our bodies are really asking for at that time. If we do have to fast, for whatever reason, whether it is medically related or otherwise, it is interesting to observe when we get cravings to eat something and to note what foods we are going for, as this can lead to a deeper understanding of why the cravings are there in the first place.

  29. What I appreciate more and more is how my body is returning to its own natural shape as I care for and listen to its constant loving and at times loud communication.

  30. I find it interesting that we seek the ‘perfect body shape’ because what are we basing that on, an ideal, a belief or a picture, if we have desires to look a certain way than we have lost our connection to ourselves because we are beautiful from the inside out.

  31. Food has been far removed from its purpose, to nourish the body so we can live and do what we’ve come here to do. Food is used to please, to numb, to distract, to console and the list goes on, ad infinitum. And the global health statistics attest to this.

  32. Dieting or die-eating, especially when all foods taste sensational, so do we eat to live or eat to die? Could it be if we listen to our body we can eat to serve humanity? Then if we are distracted, which means we listen to those thoughts that get us to eat what ever foods taste great and we know they will dull our awareness so “when we begin to realise how truly precious and amazing” we are we eat to be lesser than this greatness. As you have shared Susan that ”having a true relationship with” our body and food changes the energy we buy, eat, drink and eliminate in. And “It also feels like a way of living that is more than just about my body.”

  33. I find that the judgement of my body and my behaviours like my diet is very comfortable. It’s easy to do and provides a great distraction from the deeper questions of what don’t I want to be aware of?

  34. This idea that “if I had ‘the perfect body shape’ then life and my relationships would likewise be ‘perfect’.” is promulgated almost everywhere you look – magazine covers, mannequins in shop front windows, barbie dolls, models on runways, adverts, etc. As women we don’t stand a chance! Until, that is, we move away from the ideals and beliefs that society at large has filled our eyes and heads with and start to recognise that it doesn’t have to be this way. The sharing of your path to returning to the beautiful woman that you are is super inspiring, Susan Lee!

  35. We can give our bodies such a hard time, comparing them to others, abusing them, fighting them, all to try and fit into an idea we have of how our body should be rather than accepting it as it is in all its beauty.

  36. It is interesting how we bring in control to change the way we eat, exercise and our body shape, when all the time our bodies know their natural shape and what is supportive and nourishing. That is if we listen rather than override what we have felt to be true.

  37. We start off in this world not interested in our body shape or size and just love expressing through our bodies. Then as we grow up most of us aren’t supported to honour and cherish ourselves and love our bodies just as they are so we then look at and compare ourselves with others, and get a picture in our heads of how we need to look to be accepted or for recognition and so the path of lack of self worth and having to prove, begins.

  38. Seeking the perfect body is a bit of a trick I think, what amazing parts of life, what amazing lessons and what are we missing in ourselves when we are searching for something else rather than cherishing what’s already there?

  39. Taking on the ideals of society on what our body should look like is one of the first ways that we reject ourselves. As little kids, we couldn’t care less what we look like, as we know how lovely we feel. This all changes as we start to be aware of societal values around body image and how we measure up or not.

    1. I agree Fiona, I can remember being completely amazed by how cool my body was, looking down at my legs when I would run and how they would carry me with such strength and I enjoyed the suppleness of my movements and the freedom…. yet I can see when and how this changes when we are told that in some way we are not moving right, our body is not developing, growing or looking like it ‘should’ do on a ‘normal’ scale.

  40. It’s interesting that when we don’t listen to our body the consequences are that our body speaks louder through symptoms and illness, but when we do listen our body it can respond very quickly to the changes we make.

    1. Yes Ruth. It can be literally remarkable how quickly our body responds in a positive way when we make changes in our lives that deeply support us.

    2. I agree Ruth as we learn greater respect for our body and build a rhythm that is mutually more harmonious we let go of the fight and there is consequently less tension.

  41. Being present in my body has changed how I see and feel about my body. I am more in my skin and loving my reflection in the mirror for the first time since I was a little girl. I used bulimia for years to control my body in all it’s expression and also demanded it to be perfect in every way. It’s amazing how many people including myself who when they started to love, honour and respect themselves their bodies changed size and shape naturally.

  42. My version of a perfect body [male and female] was distorted by all the beliefs I got from my parents, my peers, books and magazines.
    I understand all this and still after 66 years I find myself judging myself and others because of how our bodies look.
    It is a way of seeing that totally prevents you from seeing the amazingness we all are.
    Thank you Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine for supporting me to untangle all these beliefs.

    1. We have been so set up to judge ourselves and our bodies harshly with a myriad of ideals and beliefs – and we are blessed to have a reflection of such a beautiful and uncompromising man – where would we be without Serge Benhayon and his commitment to life and humanity?

  43. I’ve found that there is a lot that happens before I even get to the point of consuming the food. A top tip I received is that whenever something happens that distresses us, don’t get caught in the drama or struggle. Step out of the situation and look 10 steps back to see what happened. From there it is clear where to go next.

    1. This is a very wise tool to use Michael… one I forget when I’m knee deep in the drama but every time without fail it’s super clear what took me out when I take those steps back.

  44. I find that living in my head engenders anxiousness and nervous tension and I agree that living like this leads our body to become wasted. In such a way of living we lose connection with our bodies and we lose appreciation of them, seeing them merely as something to carry our head around. Learning to connect to our hearts and live from there shows us that there is another way to live and our bodies start to thank us back for taking care of it by healing itself of many conditions.

  45. A beautiful in depth sharing Susan, A wonderful informative blog that opens our eyes to the truth that we have the perfect body for us and the most nurturing thing for us to do is appreciate and love it and the rest will follow!

      1. Every body has, if lived aligned to who you truly are, perfect angles that represent heaven. There is no better or worse, nor bigger or smaller that is more beautiful. Question is, do you live in a body that represents the full you? !

      2. Appreciating our body fully is an all embracing part of our livingness – and as we accept more of ourselves our body settles and comes back to its divine design where we can feel the full-ness of who we are.

  46. It is no wonder that if we live on a daily basis not happy with the shape or the size of the body we live in, that our body will suffer the consequences in one way or another. It is like we are separated from who we truly are and so living, working, walking and breathing in a way that is not true to our natural way of being. Once we come to a place where we are able to love our body just the way it is, it is not just our body that will begin to respond to this love, but our life in general.

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