A skin rash tells its story.

By Joan Calder, retired/volunteer work, Frome, UK. 

Hello! I am called Pityriasis Lichenoides by the medical profession, although they freely admit they do not know what causes me to exist. It’s a long complicated name but it makes me feel important and I had a big presence in the body where I have lived for eight years, in fact, you could say, I have been in control of the situation during that time — up until now.

I was born in the gut of a female human; my parents are of unknown origin, although there is a possibility it started with my hostess’s inflammatory reaction out of a response to Father Virus or Mother Bacterium. This is not surprising considering the way she maltreated her body, and her emotional reactions to everything around her. I lived quite happily in those long dark serpentine tubes for a long time until one day she met what is called a Gentle Breath Meditation and started to practise it.

My world was suddenly changed. I felt I was being called to come out of my tunnels of damp warmth, to be drawn to the surface into the light and the air, and explode myself on her skin for all to see. It started with a huge red patch of skin across her upper chest, and then one day I burst forth there with an itchy rash so virulent that hardly any skin could be seen.

Let me describe to you what I am like. I start to appear on the skin as little, very itchy, bumps or small pimples. It depends where I am located and what mood I am in. I cause as much irritation as I can at this stage, just to get attention. When I have achieved my goal and the heads of my pimples have been lacerated, then I start to form hard crusty scabs over the wounds. I stay dormant in this stage for a long time, getting crustier and crustier and ruminating on the effect I am having. I can make this stage really irritating and itchy for my hostess as well, and if it gets infected, then it heats up and spreads throughout the whole of that great organ of the skin where I express myself, and often back into internal organs as well.

In this stage I can make my hostess believe she is me. I possess her and she totally identifies with me.

Eventually I allow myself to fade, but I leave a brown scar for many months, if not years, to remind her I am the boss. As one lot fades then I find a new outlet and start again. I use the whole body except the face, I leave that to my cousin eczema, although she doesn’t use that very often, preferring to inhabit the life-sustaining moist hidden cavities of the ears.

I am sure you get the picture, but I have to tell you I am not so powerful these days and feeling distinctly weak and as though I am losing a lot of ground. I have no stability, and as soon as I start to appear, my hostess has found ways and means of dealing with me.

At first, in the past, these were desperate means, I could feel it, she would use anything and everything to try and combat me. This was war and I am very good at that game, my main allies being anger and deceit. Everything was waged against me: steroids, creams, lotions, UV rays. I retreated to base camp in the gut, my home-base, while they were going on, for they did my self- image no good at all, and recuperated until the onslaught stopped. Then gradually I would emerge again for a new round.

But there was one treatment that worked differently and I really did not like it. Having taught my mistress to do the Gentle Breath Meditation, esoteric healing practitioners were now calling me out to show even more of myself, roots and all, so they could be recognised and cleared. This way I would have nothing to hang onto. This was agony, having to let go. I raced from one part of the body to another attempting to escape the scrutiny, but the practitioner always knew where I was hiding, usually in a dense part where my hostess had been holding onto emotions for a long time, and eventually I would have to let go.

How do you fight something that says “Bring it on, show yourself, let’s see the real you, not just all that irritation and anger, but the you that really wants to come out into the open; the you that is truly loving if you would let yourself feel it.”

A RASH – LOVING? Rubbish, that wasn’t my image of myself at all, and it took me by surprise. I had made my hostess identify with me by my devious means so that she was caught in all the anger and irritation, and we had wound up in symbiosis, but here she was taking charge and turning the tables on me, and showing me a thing or two.

She showed me that nothing could hurt her, especially not me, because there was something much, much deeper and more powerful inside her than me. I might be lurking in the deep recesses of her body, but she was learning there is MORE to her than her body. I started to feel a chemical change I could no longer fight. It felt like Alchemy, a long forgotten ancient ability of some humans like mine. I lost the control and am fading fast.

She showed me that I am loving, as my very existence and expression on her skin has given her an important message about how she was living her life. Because she sees I was created out of her own choices and I am actually an illusion, she is changing and healing.

If she forgets and chooses the food of irritation and anger I am still trying to feed her, then I have an opening and can spring up again, but it’s weak and ineffectual. If she does not react in an inflammatory way but chooses to actually love me for what I am showing her, then I have no reason for being at all.

Suddenly I realise I have been in a prison, locked into an identity that no longer serves me, and that life of creating pain and havoc and investing in that for sustenance and reward, no longer seems relevant to me. I feel I have been very young, and now I am growing up to realise there is more outside this skin I have created eruptions on, and I no longer look like my old self, in fact sometimes I can make no mark, I am not there at all. This feels like freedom, released to live and dance with all the other particles that make up the Universe. I would never have believed it possible, so entrenched was I in my self-gratifying, addictive existence.

I no longer have a name or an identity. My hostess is no longer giving that to me, and I am passing slowly out of my habitation to a new state of being. It started on the day my hostess first met the practitioner who showed her a new way. It’s taken her a long time to understand it and start living it. She no longer needs me and is becoming lighter; if she keeps on choosing all this for herself, I must loosen my hold and fade away, and so we will move on together. We are not quite there yet, but it is happening now we both know the Truth is always there for us to choose.

From the hostess  … With deep gratitude and appreciation for Serge Benhayon who showed me I am so much more than my physical symptoms, and the many Universal Medicine Practitioners I have worked with these past 8 years.


Read more:

  1. Gentle Breath Meditation Tips for Beginners
  2. Gentle Breath Meditation Introduction 
  3. How do I become a practitioner of esoteric healing? 


705 thoughts on “A skin rash tells its story.

  1. “If you can’t beat them, join them” doesn’t really work when it comes to illness and disease. If you can’t beat it, understand, accept and love it is the way to go.

  2. Joan this is a brilliant blog to read about the damage we do to ourselves via our unloving ways we think is us. What you have said here makes complete sense to me.
    ‘Suddenly I realise I have been in a prison, locked into an identity that no longer serves me, and that life of creating pain and havoc and investing in that for sustenance and reward, no longer seems relevant to me.’
    When we start to heal the hurts that we have hung on to believing that they part of who we are, then a whole new way of living expands before us and we can feel the joy in our bodies that has always been there but suppressed by the hurts that we identified with.

  3. Thank you Joan, this blog makes me reflect on the ‘beings’ I give life within me, inviting me to observe and understand the interactions that take place in my body, which allow its balanced flow or boycott it. Great learning to ponder on.

  4. Joan I love your take on this condition, in fact we could apply this to any condition we could be experiencing. It brings a whole new perspective on diseases, as the disease is communicating to us. It is so spot on when we go about our lives identifying ourselves by a label, and I’ve done it myself and probably still do and yet we also can heal it, by addressing it head on.

    It’s at perfect timing when subtleties appear within my own body and in some ways, it is an opportunity to develop a deeper relationship with the body.

    This is a whole new perspective to health and wellbeing, if people are open to it, there’s no mumbo jumbo, it is pure connection to one’s body and open communication channels to listening and responding.

  5. This is a beautiful wise tale, playfully told and rich in insight. Thank you Joan for sharing; for being so generous with your honesty and openness. I can imagine this article being read for many years to come, touching people’s lives and reawakening their awareness.

    1. Matilda I could not agree with you more, it is ‘a wise tale, playfully told and rich in insight’. To be honest, the penny did not drop till four paragraphs later as I was developing these visions of Joan not knowing her parents, and birthing through a gut, oh dear!.. – LOL.

      On the reality side, this is a powerful blog, to actually perceive the messages from a rash’s perspective is a whole new take on health. Would the health care profession be open to this?

    2. Matilda I read the blog again and it is such a brilliant blog because it exposes the harm we do to ourselves and others when we identify that we are the illness and can be overwhelmed by it. To understand that we have made choices such as anger that then has a chemical reaction in our bodies makes so much sense because as we all know anger is so toxic for the person who receives it and the person who delivers it.

  6. We really do try fighting any ill condition more often than not, and the sense I am getting here is that in that fighting we shut down a part of us, like dimming the light so that we don’t have to see our so-called enemy – and that’s exactly what the enemy wants. I really get when you say “How do you fight something that says “Bring it on, show yourself, let’s see the real you, not just all that irritation and anger, but the you that really wants to come out into the open; the you that is truly loving if you would let yourself feel it”” – really, how do you?

  7. This is such a joyful blog presenting how everything we’re shown is in fact there to expand us, to offer us an opportunity to move away from old ways which are not us, and we do this not in fight but in surrender.

    1. I agree. Thank you and well said. It is an amazing feeling to relinquish the fight, any struggle and/or control. in letting go and surrendering, life feels so super joyful, simple and spacious.

  8. This blog is always a joy-full re-visit. I continue to be amazed at how my body responds to small changes that reflect on my skin. Over the past few months I have been caught on the slippery slope of sugar, causing an extremely itchy rash developed on my legs. Fighting to get off sugar made the craving worse – bringing more purpose to details to deepen self-loving care and nurturing rendered sugar cravings to zero and the rash has cleared on both legs. I continue to appreciate my body more and more.

    1. Stephanie I have come to the realisation that such things as sugar have been created as a way of stopping us from feeling and knowing who we truly are. It’s a trap in my opinion because as soon as we eat sugar our body becomes racy and we lose all sense of our origins. Only through stillness I feel we will come to understand ourselves. As we have created so many things that race our bodies I guess the question has to be what is it are we trying to avoid? We must know the answer or we wouldn’t be avoiding it.

  9. “If she does not react in an inflammatory way but chooses to actually love me for what I am showing her, then I have no reason for being at all.” What a great line about changing our relationship with our health conditions, and bringing in a sense of purpose.

  10. When we stand up and address what our reactions to life can exasperate in our body, it is the starting point to begin the process of pulling the teeth of the beast we created.

  11. I love this because it shows that no matter what we think about illness and disease in a negative way, at the end of the day it is there one because of our choices and two because it’s helping us to clear the ill momentum we have been living with.

  12. The power of the Gentle Breath, the power in practising the Gentle Breath Meditation and having that as a way of breathing in our day to day life means that we become reconnected to the truth of who we are, to the love that we are. When we are not breathing our own breath is when we seek identification. We look for something outside ourselves to make us feel ‘better’ and yet we are not even considering what is really, or truly, going on. We have not considered the energy at play. The support of a good Universal Medicine Practitioner can allow us evolutionary steps in the relationship with ourselves as we become more honest about everything we have used to prop ourselves up or hide in.

  13. This makes me realize how our identification has a solidifying effect and puts us in a separative perception where things are either good or bad, victim or villain, but really, the essence is exactly the same. Everything comes from the same source, and that which does not, does not exist in truth.

  14. Very beautiful blog with a very powerful message delivered with such grace, humour and wisdom. The moment we embrace what our bodies are showing us including the ailments and illnesses rather than fight them or seek to subdue or suppress them is the moment when true healing starts to happen.

  15. ‘How do you fight something that says “Bring it on, show yourself, let’s see the real you, not just all that irritation and anger, but the you that really wants to come out into the open; the you that is truly loving if you would let yourself feel it.’ You cannot but become love yourself by surrender to what the hostess offered you! How wonderful you have been given a voice by her so we know what happened with you.

  16. Super cool to read Joan and love the perspective you have in detail shared. That identification of our issue is such a huge one and to be able to detach from it is the first stages of being able to heal it. Thank you.

  17. I love re-reading this playful and wise blog – a powerful reminder and inspiration to return to listening to the body and its wisdom constantly on offer, when we are humble enough to listen to it and act upon what is being asked.

  18. I enjoyed reading this take on how you dealt with your skin rash condition Joan. It shows how when we look at our medical conditions in a way that is no longer identifying with them as being us and learn to love that part of us that may have at first felt awful (as in a serious rash) for it is showing us what needs to be healed at some level, we can let go of any victim mentality and really appreciate what our bodies are trying to tell us.

  19. I agree – it is impossible to keep fighting love that keeps telling us that we are love also. We can try very hard, but it sure is hard work.

  20. It’s life changing isn’t it Joan when you realise ‘I am so much more than my physical symptoms’ ..for me it was I am so much more than my pain. Thanks to Serge Benhayon I got to see how I was identifying with my pain and that it was indeed not who I am. Identifying with my pain intensified it, where as when knowing it wasn’t me allowed me to care and support myself with it and for it to heal.

    1. Yes Ruth I know there were times I was totally indentified with my severe headaches and migraines. It made me feel a victim and I had the feeling I could not cope with it. Now it is different, occasionally I have a headache but when I accept how I feel and treat myself lovingly, it still can be there but it has no impact on who I am and most of the times it will vanish.

  21. I love this blog Joan, I had read it a long time ago but it is so beautiful how you have detached from your illness, a very irritating and visible one and how you gave it its voice but at the same time no longer let it have control over you. ‘Because she sees I was created out of her own choices and I am actually an illusion, she is changing and healing.’

    1. My rash is back Annelies but this time I am embracing it from the beginning as it shows me yet again the choices I have been making. I also see it as a deeper layer to be healed coming up from within my body. It has a different presentation this time and is on very specific places in my body that gives me clues as to what is needing to be cleared and healed. It is very itchy and sore and uncomfortable, but hey! that is what I have created from some time way back. The rash is actually a gift, otherwise I would continue to make those choices, they are so ingrained. Becoming aware of them at a deeper level brings the healing.

      1. Wow this is amazing Joan how you have not only embraced the learning but are choosing to see it as a perfectly targeted gift to support you with deeper healing.

  22. Unless we are able to make sense of what really feeds a condition, we will not be able to eradicate it from our body and will never understand why are we having it and what is the message therein being conveyed to us.

  23. What great exposure about the negative form of symbiosis that can occur between body and disease when we choose to identify with symptoms.

  24. When we get wrapped up in emotion, anger, sadness etc we leave our body open to illness and disease, as the body is already overworked and when we live from a point of love first without emotions our body has the opportunity to begin to heal the unloving choices we have previously made.

  25. To consider honestly the emotions that feed our physical symptoms exactly how you have done in this blog Joan is where we need to take our understanding of our body, our health and true medicine. Great blog thankyou.

  26. How love can indeed conquer all and how no matter what we’re presented with in the body, we can approach it as a way to heal, and rather than blame and fight we can un-earth what it is showing us in how we are and how we live.

  27. Joan I love the way in which you bring to life the condition and how amazing the body actually is at showing us what is really going on. If only we listen, in fact when I do its life changing.

  28. As much as this is a wonderful illustration of the true causation and healing of a disease, this is an equally beautiful story of the spirit surrendering to and merging with the soul.

  29. Super clever and profoundly insightful. The alchemy that is possible with love is remarkable… a truth that can be applied to all areas of our lives.

  30. This is one of my favourite blogs, its fun and true. Last time I read it, I joined in and had a ball writing from the prospective of my illness and disease, it was funny and I think we had plans to develop something more with it. I am feeling really inspired again after reading this, what a great children’s book it would make, you could make it funny and educational, there is heaps in this and I am ready to explore, you will be hearing from me, its too good!

  31. A very beautiful understanding of how we truly heal. That what is within must come out. To allow it so and not fight and try to suppress the poison within our body is to be deeply appreciated.

  32. It is great re-reading this playful and powerful story – a great reminder too, that my body is communicating to me if there is a rash appearing on my skin, letting me know that things are being eaten that do not agree with it.

  33. Beautiful sample that exposes how Love can support us to understand, embrace and dissolve everything that is not harmonious in our body and life.

  34. I love the playfulness here -writing from the perspective of a skin rash and showing how it is actually loving to have things like this appear – as they are merely a means of communication from our bodies on where we are at.

  35. Joan this blog is brilliant – what a great key to healing you offer with embracing the condition and surrendered to accepting it in full – the miracle and magic has occurred from this.

  36. Such a humourous but very clever blog. By looking at the rash from its own point of view you can truly understand it and also detach from it. I love how you have overcome it and grown to love it over the past 8 years. What a journey.

  37. Joan, so light and very beautiful – I feel the joy of having a rash – odd to say I know, but I can see and feel how every time the body is not honoured, then the rash appears and amazing warning beacon to say stop, not this way. And that we are so much more than our physical body, we are light and no matter what is going on with and in us, it does not take away from who we are, unless we identify with it, so well done from your journey in moving away from identifying with the rash in your body and going underneath to understand what it was showing you.

  38. As I let go and allowed myself to feel a glimpse of that which I truly am, it was life changing. I am so much more than what I thought I was before I attended Universal Medicine but it is a commitment to saying ‘Yes’ to the power and grandness within me and ‘No’ to that which is not me in a world that is purposely set up to not support who we truly are.

  39. From the last paragraph the story continues, “From the hostess … With deep gratitude and appreciation for Serge Benhayon who showed me I am so much more than my physical symptoms..” As this as a point, if we are much more than “physical symptoms” we must be much more than a physical body as well. Could everything that goes on with ‘us’ be pointing in a similar direction and telling us a similar thing. More care needs to be taken with our bodies I agree and also more care needs to be taken with everything we are. Remember when the world was flat and then also remember when smoking was considered not bad for your health? Are we seeing the world or believing it’s a certain way, only to arrive at another point and see how ridiculous that thinking was? Then what controls or gives us the thinking? We obviously don’t think for ourselves, otherwise we would have known that. What gives us the thoughts or more still what holds us now at this point only to a physical part or physical life? I could say we need to broaden our thinking, but more so we need to see where our thinking is coming from, because at times it seems to lead us completely in the wrong direction.

  40. ‘She showed me that nothing could hurt her, especially not me, because there was something much, much deeper and more powerful inside her than me.’ What a beautiful way to tell how we are not our illness or disease but that love has the power to make great changes and will heal what holds us back from living this love when we let go of identifying ourselves with our illness.

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