A skin rash tells its story.

By Joan Calder, retired/volunteer work, Frome, UK. 

Hello! I am called Pityriasis Lichenoides by the medical profession, although they freely admit they do not know what causes me to exist. It’s a long complicated name but it makes me feel important and I had a big presence in the body where I have lived for eight years, in fact, you could say, I have been in control of the situation during that time — up until now.

I was born in the gut of a female human; my parents are of unknown origin, although there is a possibility it started with my hostess’s inflammatory reaction out of a response to Father Virus or Mother Bacterium. This is not surprising considering the way she maltreated her body, and her emotional reactions to everything around her. I lived quite happily in those long dark serpentine tubes for a long time until one day she met what is called a Gentle Breath Meditation and started to practise it.

My world was suddenly changed. I felt I was being called to come out of my tunnels of damp warmth, to be drawn to the surface into the light and the air, and explode myself on her skin for all to see. It started with a huge red patch of skin across her upper chest, and then one day I burst forth there with an itchy rash so virulent that hardly any skin could be seen.

Let me describe to you what I am like. I start to appear on the skin as little, very itchy, bumps or small pimples. It depends where I am located and what mood I am in. I cause as much irritation as I can at this stage, just to get attention. When I have achieved my goal and the heads of my pimples have been lacerated, then I start to form hard crusty scabs over the wounds. I stay dormant in this stage for a long time, getting crustier and crustier and ruminating on the effect I am having. I can make this stage really irritating and itchy for my hostess as well, and if it gets infected, then it heats up and spreads throughout the whole of that great organ of the skin where I express myself, and often back into internal organs as well.

In this stage I can make my hostess believe she is me. I possess her and she totally identifies with me.

Eventually I allow myself to fade, but I leave a brown scar for many months, if not years, to remind her I am the boss. As one lot fades then I find a new outlet and start again. I use the whole body except the face, I leave that to my cousin eczema, although she doesn’t use that very often, preferring to inhabit the life-sustaining moist hidden cavities of the ears.

I am sure you get the picture, but I have to tell you I am not so powerful these days and feeling distinctly weak and as though I am losing a lot of ground. I have no stability, and as soon as I start to appear, my hostess has found ways and means of dealing with me.

At first, in the past, these were desperate means, I could feel it, she would use anything and everything to try and combat me. This was war and I am very good at that game, my main allies being anger and deceit. Everything was waged against me: steroids, creams, lotions, UV rays. I retreated to base camp in the gut, my home-base, while they were going on, for they did my self- image no good at all, and recuperated until the onslaught stopped. Then gradually I would emerge again for a new round.

But there was one treatment that worked differently and I really did not like it. Having taught my mistress to do the Gentle Breath Meditation, esoteric healing practitioners were now calling me out to show even more of myself, roots and all, so they could be recognised and cleared. This way I would have nothing to hang onto. This was agony, having to let go. I raced from one part of the body to another attempting to escape the scrutiny, but the practitioner always knew where I was hiding, usually in a dense part where my hostess had been holding onto emotions for a long time, and eventually I would have to let go.

How do you fight something that says “Bring it on, show yourself, let’s see the real you, not just all that irritation and anger, but the you that really wants to come out into the open; the you that is truly loving if you would let yourself feel it.”

A RASH – LOVING? Rubbish, that wasn’t my image of myself at all, and it took me by surprise. I had made my hostess identify with me by my devious means so that she was caught in all the anger and irritation, and we had wound up in symbiosis, but here she was taking charge and turning the tables on me, and showing me a thing or two.

She showed me that nothing could hurt her, especially not me, because there was something much, much deeper and more powerful inside her than me. I might be lurking in the deep recesses of her body, but she was learning there is MORE to her than her body. I started to feel a chemical change I could no longer fight. It felt like Alchemy, a long forgotten ancient ability of some humans like mine. I lost the control and am fading fast.

She showed me that I am loving, as my very existence and expression on her skin has given her an important message about how she was living her life. Because she sees I was created out of her own choices and I am actually an illusion, she is changing and healing.

If she forgets and chooses the food of irritation and anger I am still trying to feed her, then I have an opening and can spring up again, but it’s weak and ineffectual. If she does not react in an inflammatory way but chooses to actually love me for what I am showing her, then I have no reason for being at all.

Suddenly I realise I have been in a prison, locked into an identity that no longer serves me, and that life of creating pain and havoc and investing in that for sustenance and reward, no longer seems relevant to me. I feel I have been very young, and now I am growing up to realise there is more outside this skin I have created eruptions on, and I no longer look like my old self, in fact sometimes I can make no mark, I am not there at all. This feels like freedom, released to live and dance with all the other particles that make up the Universe. I would never have believed it possible, so entrenched was I in my self-gratifying, addictive existence.

I no longer have a name or an identity. My hostess is no longer giving that to me, and I am passing slowly out of my habitation to a new state of being. It started on the day my hostess first met the practitioner who showed her a new way. It’s taken her a long time to understand it and start living it. She no longer needs me and is becoming lighter; if she keeps on choosing all this for herself, I must loosen my hold and fade away, and so we will move on together. We are not quite there yet, but it is happening now we both know the Truth is always there for us to choose.

From the hostess  … With deep gratitude and appreciation for Serge Benhayon who showed me I am so much more than my physical symptoms, and the many Universal Medicine Practitioners I have worked with these past 8 years.


Read more:

  1. Gentle Breath Meditation Tips for Beginners
  2. Gentle Breath Meditation Introduction 
  3. How do I become a practitioner of esoteric healing? 


705 thoughts on “A skin rash tells its story.

  1. Irritation and anger, becomes anger and deceit, becomes war. Obvious you might say but this impressed me today and made me realise how easily these feelings/reactions can escalate. Love, as you have shown, is the antidote and The Gentle Breath Meditation can help us connect to love. How amazing it is to teach this in schools and share it whenever we can. Could there one day be a world without wars? It’s possible because everything is possible……

  2. Great blog Joan, we are so much more than our illnesses, they are a by-product of the way we live, and as we change how we live the illness no longer has the same hold or identity it once did.

  3. I loved reading this again today. We are not our illness – no matter how chronic or painful or progressive our illness might be it is not us and never will be. We do not need to give power to it but rather become powerful ourselves by surrendering and reclaiming more of who we truly are.

  4. I had never conceived of being able to release a disease – of having its particles rejoin the natural flow of the universe. What an amazing transformation this represents. We loosen the grip our illness has on us, and it is free to return to the one source, just as we are.

  5. Brilliant and inventive Joan, thank you so much for sharing – and so honestly. We are not our illnesses, it’s true. Resisting that identification can be challenging when they (seemingly) take us over, and so obviously and visually so. Congratulations on your farewelling of Pityriasis Lichenoides.

  6. That’s some appreciation for what sounds like a hideous skin disease! Amazing what’s possible when we’re willing to get beyond the surface!

  7. What you are say is so true Joan as many of us do become so overwhelmed by our disease processes we make it a part of our identification as an individual.

  8. I love this Joan – what a great perspective. It really shows us how we become owned by our disease and start to identify with it until such a time that the suffering gets too much and we realise that there truly is more to us than our body. By bringing this ‘more’ out into the open in a full open-hearted expression, we are able to transmute all that does not match the love that we are, back into this love. It is a very simple alchemy that we as a humanity have ignored for far too long and this is a great and practical example of how it is done, thankyou.

  9. Absolutely amazing blog Joan, thank you so much for sharing it. Reading it I realised I have been fighting a condition I have in the way you used to, going into battle rather than surrendering more deeply into my body and the power within. To turn the tables, step back and observe lovingly and thank it for its messages is definitely the way to go.

  10. What an amazing way of looking at your condition. By giving your rash an identity of its own you detach from it and can observe it. It’s then free to leave if it needs to as you are not identifying with it. A powerful story of true healing. Thank you.

  11. Thank you Joan, great blog. Ah the healing powers of the Esoteric Medicine Modalities, what a wonderful testimony you have presented.

  12. Brilliant Joan. Giving a health issue a voice allows us to hear the impositions of illness and disease we are inviting into our body with the way we are living.

  13. This is such an entertaining and profound perspective on what most would consider a very stressful and upsetting symptom. I read this blog today because I have been frustrated by my own skin conditions lately. Accepting that our bodies reflect the state of being we have chosen is huge. I can’t feel sorry for myself when I consider that I am being shown love and the way back to responsibility.

  14. I am discovering that the rash, which is still returning intermittently in a few isolated places, comes from my lack of love for myself. I have bashed myself up with blaming thoughts all through my life, and this results in dullness and dampness and tension and anxiety. Now I can feel the warmth inside me through knowing the Love I am, I find the rash is having a hard time of keeping its hold. The moment I step out of line and do something in lack of awareness or disregard, it takes advantage of the emptiness. It is such a teacher.

    1. Joan what a great thing the body is, guiding and supporting us to return to loving ourselves consistently. I also will have my skin suffer when I don’t take deep care of myself, my body showing me what is possible and with that I know the more I live taking care of myself, including expressing how I feel in many different situations, the greater clarity not only I have, but also my skin.

  15. A powerful reminder that we are not our illness. But also of how when we lose touch with our connection through our bodies to our love within, our true intelligence, we instead allow our disconnected minds to be taken over by any other force that is invited to take the lead. From within we have a deep sense that something is not OK and so we seek, chase or pursue something from the world outside to quickly rectify the situation, or we seek to numb, disregard or comfort ourselves so that we are not aware that we feel that something is not OK. Either way with this choice we continue to deepen and magnify the disconnect and all that we are not, presenting as illness or emotions etc. Through our willingness to build self-love in our bodies our connection to Love deepens and the truth of who we are is then what magnifies through our bodies, rendering naught all that is not of Love.

  16. I returned to one of my favourite blogs this morning as I love the humour and the cheek in it but on a serious note, what an incredibly uncomfortable illness you had to endure but you didn’t just endure it, you addressed it, made fun with it and are unfolding the healing process with support. I have had skin rashes my whole life and find your approach very inspiring.

    1. ‘Sarah ditto, Joans approach to her condition is quite remarkable, something I don’t hear often, yet has a lesson in it for all of us. No matter what condition we get, it can be there to support us to return to a more loving way of being, showing us if we’ve been wayward. It’s not just what condition we may have but how we approach and care for ourselves that really matters.

  17. Sometimes you need to hear something a thousand times before it actually sticks (I do at least!). And your writing has really made me realise how HUGE self-love really is – how foundational it is. One might not think it would be a rash that would teach you this, but your sharing has helped me.

  18. What a great post – so interesting, fun to read and an honest account. It may sound strange to say, but what a blessing this is – the body speaking loud and clear (or even writing an article) that the way we are currently living/self-loving isn’t working. And so we can then look within and begin the healing as modern medicine would only be a temporary fix. How amazing that doing a meditation and seeing esoteric practitioners have been able to help identify the root of the dis-ease…and that you are now able to take steps to clear this.

  19. Once again the body’s support is seen for the Love and grace in which it reflects our inner state of mind, revealing the discomfort it feels at our lack of connection. Reflecting to us how we are treating ourselves by giving us a disease or illness to contemplate, reflect and learn from and truly heal. Such a gift….

  20. Each symptom that presents itself is no different from the others, all illness comes rom the same root cause, an attachment to our emotional reactions to life. When we are so attached in this way we separate from ourselves and give the outside more importance and lose connecting with our own breath. Returning to our own rhythm and the pulse that connects us to the Universe, brings us to a stillness where the change can happen and we can respond to life from our true inner self in the inner heart. Then the lymphatic system and vascular system that support all the systems of the body come into harmony.

    1. Wow Joan – so powerful. I just read your blog yet it wasn’t until I read your comment that I clocked how instrumental the Gentle Breath Meditation was in your healing. Thank you.

  21. It’s as if the skin rash could not but help join the “love party” taking place everywhere throughout your body, it wanted to join and also become love.

  22. How amazing that your body chose to show you in such a clear way what you needed to know. This is indeed very loving, and it is inspiring to read of you acknowledging this as such.

  23. This is just magic to read again Joan – from the perspective of not only how it is written, but the message of what illness and disease truly is. We look at symptoms with the intention to fix or remove them, rather than the simple perspective that perhaps what happens to us and what is shown to us is a message about our choices and how we have been living, and a huge opportunity to listen and respond in a loving way.

    1. Yes, hvmorden, and the disappearance of the rash is not necessarily the end of the story. Recently a few small patches returned to my body, and it became very obvious that I had slipped into some old behaviours and so invited them in. They were in very significant places that showed me exactly where I need to work in making different choices for myself. As I make a commitment to this they are fading. It is neither good nor bad, or right or wrong, just the opportunity to deepen a connection with myself that brings true healing.

  24. Joan I love the way you describe your skin condition from it’s point of view. I had a persistent skin rash that flared up again after I started having Esoteric healing. It lasted for more than 2 years and then left. Recently a milder more localised form appeared in response to a food I was eating (which in turn was a response to a feeling I was not dealing with). I have come to appreciate how skin conditions make visible something that was hitherto hidden deep inside and when itchiness is present that certainly demands attention.

  25. “If she does not react in an inflammatory way but chooses to actually love me for what I am showing her, then I have no reason for being at all.” This really does change our perspective on how we view illness and disease. I love this line because it asks us to take responsibility for our well being. Every time I react it is going to have an impact on my body and those around me. This is not loving. Becoming aware of the abuse I do to my body and others every time I react is something to ponder on most deeply.

  26. “She showed me that nothing could hurt her, especially not me, because there was something much, much deeper and more powerful inside her than me.” This is so true for nothing is ever greater than our essence within. At times the hurt felt in my body is painful but to hold onto and indulge in it serves no-one. Surrendering and letting it go are key.

  27. This could be applied to any illness. It is a fantastic way of ‘outing’ the character and identity of disease. To write a story from the point of view of the disease enhances our understanding of it so we can work on clearing it. An amazing way of getting underneath the disease so to speak and claiming back our bodies.

  28. Hello Pityriasis Lichenoides!! My host and I were just reading your blog, sorry I am so rude, let me introduce myself, my medical name is Allergic rhinitis but you can call me hay fever!! I am not nearly as exotic as you once were but I do have some pretty good numbers, affecting around 1 in 5 people (children and adults) in Australia and New Zealand but I just remembered you and your host reside in the UK. Well my claim to fame over there is, hay fever sufferers could reach 30 million within 20 years if things continue the way they are heading. With half of Britain being affected by me already, I may not be rare but I sure am popular.

    I can be seasonal, but in the case of my host I am present ALL YEAR round, why take holidays when you’re having so much fun, right?!! The experts in Australia say Allergic rhinitis is not caused by a food allergy and only from the environment!!
    Which is not really true but it keeps hosts eating whatever they want that makes me stronger and medicated on nasal sprays.

    Universal Medicine not only knows that food can be involved, but informed my host that her choices in the day also affect how much I am hanging around, this was a hard blow for me.
    When my host first met the founder of Universal Medicine and discovered a new way to eat and live, her hay fever was gone, no dairy, I hardly had anything to work with in regards to sinus stuff.

    But I am smart and so I evolved, over the years I came up with really good strategies to get back in the game. First it was Soy ice-cream and soy milk but then the host cottoned on as that being a trigger, coconut cheese didn’t last long, cashew cream, aioli was a winner and almond milk is nearly impossible for her to kick along side Tahini. So, in short, I just keep on finding a way back in, plus she has a bad day and I didn’t even have to encourage the dairy substitutes that day as the work was done for me.

    My host has turned over a new leaf now and she now knows that anything creamy, even if it’s dairy free, does not fit anymore.
    As she evolves, I feel like I am evolving too and as I read your blog, it’s got me thinking if hanging around annoying my host is as fun as I thought it was, I am reconsidering my life direction as a cell. For this I am grateful to you, I am not ready to totally leave and let go of my identification as hay fever yet, but you certainly have shaken up this fish pond and made me consider if maybe there is more to life than getting up someone’s nose.

    1. Hello Allergic Rhinitis, pleased to meet you. It’s been tough for us, hasn’t it, once that founder of Universal Medicine arrived here showing everyone how to love themselves and each other? We both found ways of evolving to survive in the bodies of our hosts, but once we learned that this very thing was actually a loving act, it took the wind out of our sails and they were left flapping uselessly. Change was never easy, especially out in the open, transparent, and the bright light brought a clarity after the safety of those dark, damp, mucusy passages that felt so vulnerable, but it seems we are both changing and singing anther tune. Its great to get together, is this what is called Brotherhood?

  29. It really is an absolute blessing as you say Sally, as hard as that may seem at the time but ultimate no one wants to get sick and if we do, we want to get rid of it and not have it come back. So to be able to have the tools, support, willingness to heal the root cause of any illness or disease is the only true way forward to true vitality and health. This is where Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine offer a new way with illness and disease.

  30. To finally come to the deep understanding that I am not my symptoms, my rash, my aches and my pains was like taking the fullest breath I had ever taken, and as I breathed out I began the letting go of the identification around illness and disease that I had held on to ever since I was a child. It is still a work in progress and there are days the pain and discomfort will try once again to have me believe that’s who I am, but slowly and very surely this is changing, and with the letting go of this belief the quality of my life is increasing.

    1. Absolutely Jenny, I also loved reading Joan’s blog as it brings the subject to life in a way we can all understand. There is no doubt a book that Joan could write or a series of short stories that would be a great education for our children (and adults!).

      1. I agree David. There is a lot of scope here for much more. The story is calling out for some great illustrations and a broader audience.

      2. Yes David. This story comes with such vivid images, it would be great as a children’s book. It would really provide a deeper insight to what happens in the body, and that how we live has a huge effect on our health. Very educational!

      3. I absolutely agree David, Joan’s blog is written in such a way that it is fun. Put some pictures with it and children and adults will love it, not forgetting it’s educational too!

      4. Yes, Joan’s blog is written in a way that is so easy for anyone to understand what is truly going on and the more people are educated in this way about diseases and dis-harmony in the body, the more true healing can happen and the ripple effect of this will be felt in many areas of life that are currently at crisis point.

  31. Get writing Joan! It would be lovely to read more from you as your deep and true healing continues. There are countless testimonies of healing from people who have been deeply inspired by the Ancient Wisdom Teachings as presented by Serge Benhayon.

      1. Ha, ha Rebecca Turner! I am still giving my hostess the occasional opportunity to recognise what is going on. I am like a gadfly seeing any chance to go in and give her a nip and wake her up from any slumber she has gone into. I don’t make much headway but when a gap appears I am in there. Maybe this is for another blog as it is the next stage in our relationship. It could be entitled “Son of Pityriasis Lychenoides”, or “Pityriasis Lichenoides Part 2”. Watch this space, with love PL

  32. Joan, I have enjoyed re-visiting this blog today. I love the playfulness and humour you have brought to it by writing from the perspective of the illness and the appreciation from the ‘hostess’ of understanding illness from the energetic way as presented by Serge Benhayon which has clarified so much for you.

  33. The more attention I pay to my body it seems the more there is to notice. With our health system in such crisis, paying attention and noticing the small the things I believe be the way of the future as there will be and is a need for us to pay much more attention and attend to changes, and some of the more subtle signals that we receive from our bodies.

  34. This is an amazing story of reclaiming your body Joan. I love the way you describe how the skin rash had taken up residence in your body and had a huge hold over you until you started to love it and love yourself. It simply had to release its hold and make its way out. This is true healing.

    1. I totally agree Rebecca. The way Joan writes from the angle of the skin rash shows how much she no longer identifies with the condition and the lightness she has brought to the whole experience. Very inspiring.

  35. This article can relate to any condition what so ever, not just a skin rash. So cleverly written for us to feel and see that any medical condition and in fact any emotional condition is something that we have chosen as a way to not be our truly gentle and tender selves and that there is an underlying seed or explanation of the truth behind what our body may be experiencing or the emotions that may be coming up. Living in a way where we are choosing to truly love and nurture ourselves and let love out bit by bit these old habits and issues can be squeezed out of our body, with ease and without a fight, as we are the ones who are totally empowered to bring the change.

    1. “any medical condition and in fact any emotional condition is something that we have chosen”. It is so interesting what you have written here Danielle, because as I was writing I realised that the rash was the same as me, its story was my story. Exposing this to myself helped me to detach from it and observe it without emotion, at the same time as recognising many traits within myself. As you say it is the same for any condition, so now, if anything is showing up in my body the experience with the rash helps me to adopt a different approach from the past.This means I am in charge rather than the symptom.

    2. It’s also possible to consider that we are so powerful that we can always feel and see any disharmonious seeds before they are even planted. We just need to choose to live and move in a way that allows us to connect to this power, and not hide from it in the ill seeds.

    3. This is so true Danielle, every ill seed we plant we know exactly what we are doing. The ill seeds I have planted have kept me small, contracted and in my comfort… I knew what I was doing all because I did not want to live in a way that would make me stand out and in my power. This is beginning to all change as I begin to re-imprint with new seeds of self-love.

  36. Joan, what a great thing to not give your power away to your condition but instead claim yourself and see the condition as it truly is, an opportunity for you to clear out what is no longer needed.

    1. Knowing this gives us great power and for me a sense of easing tension. I no longer have to try and be in control of this thing, the rash, a disease, etc. It is there to serve a purpose, and a healing one at that. Much better to surrender to it and take the time to look wisely at the choices I’ve made to get me here in the first place.

  37. Joan I feel that you could write a book (or two) the way your sense of humour takes us on a journey of you rediscovering the truth of your deeply rooted irritating rash. Having a deep appreciation for the introduction of the Gentle Breath Meditation and the many Esoteric Practitioners who support us all with our journey in life. In your wise words Joan. How do you fight something that says ‘”Bring it on, show yourself, lets see the real you, not just all that irritation and anger, but the you that really wants to come out into the open; the you that is truly loving if you would let yourself feel it”. Beautiful Joan thank you.

  38. Absolutely Gill, I am thinking of writing another blog called “Son of Pityriasis Lichenoides”, or “Pityriasis Lichenoides Rides Again”! There are always the deeper levels to be cleared that were the cause of the condition in the first place. It is like the man and woman’s hero/heroine journey all in one, the action of developing a deeper relationship with the centre of our being.

  39. Joan I love how you depict your illness from it’s point of view. It puts a whole new understanding on how, through our own emotions, we bury illnesses deep into our body, and why it can take a long time to heal. I have been witness to the journey you are on and it has been amazing to watch you heal each layer as it surfaces to be looked at. To know that we have layers that we have to heal which explains why, what may seem to be separate illnesses are often in fact inter-related.

    1. So very true, it is so easy to bury what we don’t want to feel into the body. To allow time time to heal, knowing there are layers there that may need to be addressed as there always is. Then feeling the responsibility that then comes with that healing process.

  40. You show that we are so much more than just our physical bodies and they have remarkable ways of reminding us of this.

  41. When we start working on ourselves, everything that was buried in the depths of ourselves and our bodies starts to rise to the surface. How cool then is it to have these things at the surface rather than buried so deep we don’t know they even exist? What I also loved about coming back to this blog today was when emotions or disturbances rise I know they are not me and don’t have to control my life. Thank you.

    1. It is cool to deal with our issues that rise to the surface rather than bury them deep within even though at times they may be challenging. I am learning to deeply appreciate what is front of me especially those issues where first they may seem big as they earnestly ask me to step out of my comfort.

    2. Yes Leigh I agree, this blog is a great reminder that we are far bigger than any emotion running through our body. Whenever I feel not me I call it out and I can let it go very often straight away but on the odd occasion where I feel I am holding onto it I make a loving commitment to myself to surrender and not beat myself up, reminding myself that I am constantly learning.

  42. Wow, this is such an amazing article which has completed taken me to whole new level looking at illness and disease, particularly when you shared about the disease being freed and joining the other particles. It is clear what a disease can offer us, rather than seeing it as an enemy with nothing to do with us. Everything is connected and interrelated.

    1. Yes Karoline, I keep reminding myself and being aware that any symptoms, physical and emotional, are about not allowing the energy to flow through us. When we hold on to them they inhabit the body and cause obstruction and a lot of pain and illness. As all is energy, and all energy is passing through us all the time, it is obvious that if we attach importance to it by reacting, then it will find a harbour to anchor in and get stuck in the mud. When it is freed it can move off again onto the open sea.

      1. This is such a great reminder for me Joan as I could feel the tightness in my neck as I read your words. Time to allow my expression to flow

  43. Your blog Joan shows the impact of self love and self caring and the wonderful medicine it is. As your self appreciation blossoms, the disease fades away, unable to resist your power and light.

    1. Well said Patricia “…wonderful medicine it is” meditations are a great support, but if we don’t connect to our relationship with our self, then true healing does not happen, it’s like only half is done.

  44. This so wisely says it all: “How do you fight something that says “Bring it on, show yourself, let’s see the real you, not just all that irritation and anger, but the you that really wants to come out into the open; the you that is truly loving if you would let yourself feel it.”

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