by Maree Savins, New South Wales.
Throughout my life there have been many times where I have been ill or in pain, and have gone to the doctor only to be told that: “you just have to live with it”. Sometimes the nature of my illness or medical problem was known within the medical fields and sometimes it was a mystery.
For example, in my late teenage years I suffered from extreme nausea. My General Practitioner (GP) recommended an endoscopy to investigate the nausea and the results showed nothing in particular. My illness was put down to home-sickness as I had moved away from my family home in Northern New South Wales to Queensland. I was told that I “would just have to live with it”.
Ten years later I was diagnosed with gluten intolerance by a different GP. By changing to a gluten-free diet, my nausea resolved. This meant, that I didn’t have to live with it.
A further physical problem developed a few years ago, where I experienced regular heart palpitations. It felt like my heart was violently kicking or even turning over in my chest. I lived with the heart palpitations for 12 months before I mentioned it to an esoteric practitioner who suggested I see my GP. Taking that kind of care was not something that I did unless I had too. I was very dismissive about medical care at that time and my level of self-regard was also poor. Self-care became the topic of our sessions for quite a while. We discussed how seeking medical advice was part of self-care, and that it was necessary for me to embrace more loving ways, as for many years I had lived a very stressful and turbulent life.
I saw my GP who referred me to a Cardiologist (heart specialist) who performed numerous tests, which showed that my heart would double beat causing an intense ‘kicking’ or ‘turning over’ sensation. The Cardiologist reassured me that it was OK, and said that I would “need to learn to live with it.” He advised this condition would not shorten my lifespan and, if anything, it would just be an annoyance.
As I continued to develop self-care and more loving ways with the support of esoteric practitioners, I could see that there was a wall of protection I had built up around my heart so that I did not have to feel hurt or rejection from others. Unfortunately when I put up the wall to stop any hurt coming in, I stopped myself from letting love in and out as well. I was not very loving with myself, and I held back expressing my love to others as I did not like the feeling of vulnerability that came with being so open.
It was time for this all to change and my palpitating heart was a great reminder.
As a year or so passed and I learned to become more gentle and live more harmoniously in my day-to-day life, I realised that my heart did not ‘kick’ anymore. If it did ‘kick’ on an occasion, I would immediately look at how I was living and feeling that day. By making different choices, I did not have to learn to live with this condition.
The most recent medical problem occurred in September last year when I was involved in a motor vehicle accident resulting in an injury to my lower back, which also affected my legs. An MRI indicated that I had two bulging discs in my lumbar area. In addition to seeking support from my GP, I visited an esoteric physiotherapist and an esoteric massage therapist.
Several care providers told me that my back was now compromised and that I may never be pain-free. I was told once again by my GP that I would “just have to live with it” but, with a commitment to rehabilitation, I could maybe expect some improvement. Accordingly, I committed lovingly to my rehabilitation program including gentle movement exercises, hydrotherapy, walking, and taking medication to help with the pain.
I had always been able to heal from my ailments in the past – even when I was told that I “just had to live with it” – but this time I was not so sure whether this would be my experience.
After an initial shock and perhaps a touch of denial at the news, I began to become more aware of what the pain in my body was teaching me.
Once again I began to look at myself and how I was living. I could feel that I was experiencing a high level of nervous energy in my body that was quite apparent as I lay down to sleep. I could easily sleep 12-13 hours per day if I could get it, and was barely able to function on 10 hours. Over the preceding five years of attending Universal Medicine events and receiving support from numerous practitioners, life had become more lovely and simple, and yet the nervous energy continued.
When I looked a little deeper I saw that I was running away from how I was feeling inside. I didn’t like feeling the nervous energy, so typically I kept myself racy and distracted by what the world offered with study, work, projects and stress. I treated each day as something I had to ‘get through’ – however this wasn’t living life joyfully, this was a giant checklist of tasks that I had to tick off with a false belief that then it would all be better. As new tasks were added to the list, I felt panicked and made myself live and work faster in order to get to the place where I could feel ‘better’. Of course this only served to increase the nervous energy. I could also sense that I was carrying an un-dealt with sadness and I didn’t like feeling this either.
Nowadays, not a single day or hour or moment goes by without the pain reminding me to take more time and re-connect to my body – the very thing that I have struggled with my whole life. And yet what I have found is that re-connecting to my body was a real key to reducing and dealing with this uncomfortable nervous energy.
My body has become my number one priority. Pain talks very loudly and I do now listen.
My back injury ensures that I now move with care and consideration, that I make myself comfortable in my seat, that I honour the need to stand, that I ask for help to lift heavy things and that I learn to say “No”. Indeed, this injury has become an amazing blessing – one which perhaps I needed to correct the way I was living, in order to learn to care for myself more deeply than ever before.
In this instance, it may be true that I will need to learn to live with the pain. I have come to accept this, but at the same time I feel open to allowing the future to unfold as it will.
I am not driven to beat the odds and return to all that I used to do before the accident, as is often the case when we beat an illness or recover from an injury. In fact, even though I experience varying levels of pain throughout the day, I am enjoying the changes that I have made to my daily routine and in how I feel inside as I live each day.
I have learned to value what conventional medicine provides, as clearly it has supported me to detect, understand and recover from the physical side of my medical issues. Whilst I now turn to medicine more willingly than ever before, I have experienced how this can be supported by esoteric medicine, which for me is to explore what is happening on a deeper energetic level and to look at how I am living, including the choices I am making.
By combining conventional medicine with esoteric medicine, I became more responsible and realised that there was much that I could do to support my own healing. In fact, the healing experience was far more loving, supportive and powerful. I clearly see that what I do and how I choose to move and live each day really does matter.
Sometimes it takes an illness, disease, injury or pain to bring us to a halt, so that we stop the pattern of recreating our own disharmony. I have learned that if we listen to our body, it shows us a way to truly live.