Truly, Madly, Deeply.

by Dr Jane Barker, GP, Australia

I first met Serge Benhayon in a tin shed where he did his healing twelve years ago. I remember saying to him that I was not looking for healing for my body but wanted to connect with my heart.

I attended one of the first healing workshops he ran and surprised myself by crying  when he presented that although we are responsible for doing our best for the patient, we are not responsible for the illness itself. It felt at the time that I, as a Doctor, had practiced Medicine for thirty years under the illusion that I was responsible for others’ illnesses. Through the truth of his words I felt as though a huge burden was lifted.  I was very interested  in what Serge had to say because, after thirty years of practicing traditional Western Medicine, I knew there to be gaps in our knowledge. I had seen that for all its amazing scientific progress, each solution raised more questions. So often as a General Practitioner I was preventing the progress and the complication of disease yet I was rarely treating the root cause of that disease. There was a feeling that we were not getting to the bottom of it.

Serge presented to me a new concept – that of the importance of being able to feel energy. Western medicine does not have a name for that energetic life-force that is the difference between living and dying.  Serge introduced the idea of energy and how the nature and flow of energy are integral to health and well-being. Over the next few years I learnt to have a better understanding of the role of energy through feeling it in my own body and that of others. I learnt a better understanding of the relationship between energy and illness. I am hoping that in time we will develop a way of measuring energy that can be used scientifically.

Perhaps the most important thing I have learnt through Universal Medicine is that it is imperative for a practitioner to maintain their own energetic integrity and health to the best of their ability. In medical school morality and ethics were discussed and indeed the Australian Medical Board has a beautifully written Code of Ethics. However, at no point, in my career, was the need for self care discussed. I have now come to understand that it is not possible for someone who does not love and care for themselves to love and care for another.

In some ways it would seem obvious that if a doctor goes into a consultation angry or distracted by personal issues or worse, if they were to go in to a consultation with a hangover, the level of care they could offer a patient would be compromised.

When I was a young doctor it was usual for the doctors’ common room which we used when we were on duty, to have a bar. It was not uncommon for people to drink while on duty. However, it goes deeper than this. When I talk to my medical students about this, I use the analogy of a ripe juicy tomato, a sphere of loving energy which is given out to many – patients, family, friends. If self care is disregarded this beautiful tomato shrinks to become a sun-dried tomato, quite unable to care for either ourselves or others. To work in health care means to be able to connect with a patient at a deeper level and to see them as the individual that they are. This connection allows the patient to express their own needs with honesty and allows the doctor to truly hear them. From this place, together, and with the doctor’s clinical expertise, they can make health care choices which are for the greatest benefit of the patient.

Self care includes an awareness of mind, body and soul. In the simplest terms it is about healthy life-style choices, for example in regard to diet, exercise, sleep patterns, having moments of stillness. It is about becoming aware of the effects of emotions on your body and mind. It is about being completely honest with yourself and listening to all that your body is telling you. In  other words it is about loving yourself TRULY, MADLY, DEEPLY!

619 thoughts on “Truly, Madly, Deeply.

  1. Each time I read this Jane, I am struck by the beauty with which it is written and what is being shared. Whether we are in the medical profession or not, we are here to love and support each other regardless of being related to each other or not. For in-truth we are all related to each other, albeit not by blood but by love. This means that we have a responsibility to live this love to the best of our ability so that another has the reflection of this love as a marker for that which they are but may not be expressing, hence the illness and disease we can become so riddled by. It is a great lesson to learn that we are not responsible for the choices others make, nor can we take on the burden of relieving them of the pain that arises as a result of these choices, but we can learn to not judge nor condemn them and support them from the love that we are, knowing that they also are the one and same unifying love.

    1. Thank you for sharing how this support crosses all areas of work and community when we make it all about people and what we can share and provide by offering our love and support. We can so easily get caught up in ‘my way’ but this often leaves little space to feel what is truly ‘our way’.

  2. Self Care amongst health care professionals is often promoted so that we are healthy for the work that is needed an to prevent ill health, all of which is true. It can be gruelling work sometimes and a level of fitness really makes a difference to how one travels through a shift and the day. However what is not often discussed about self-care is that the more we care for ourselves, the greater our capacity to truly care for another. More than the physical capacity but also the quality of presence, a quality of connection and the quality of relationship that is offered.

    1. Jennifer that is gold about the larger reaching benefits of self care “More than the physical capacity but also the quality of presence, a quality of connection and the quality of relationship that is offered.” That is great advice for life!

  3. Very true Jennifer. I am starting to understand that without that level of care for ourselves, our barometer for what is going to harm or heal us also goes off and rather than look at the momentum that got us to a particular place we look to a solution to make the symptom that has got our attention go away.

  4. Thank you Jane, for being willing to look beyond your training. I can see a big boat starting to turn its course to consider self-care as a vital part of education for its professionals, not simply so they can work harder but for their own physical and mental health and wellbeing.

  5. Jane, this feels essential, ‘I have learnt through Universal Medicine is that it is imperative for a practitioner to maintain their own energetic integrity and health to the best of their ability’. It does not make sense that for Doctors, taking care of themselves is not discussed as important, this seems so obvious and yet is not spoken about. Jane, your article is important to bring this to discussion, what a difference this would make in the care that patients receive from health care professionals, although of course the importance of self care could be applied to anybody in any profession.

  6. How vital is it that we have doctors such as yourself training the junior doctors to care for themselves deeply and to connect to their patients – the fact that this fundamental teaching of medicine has some how been missed from their education, says a lot about the current medical system as it is currently set up.

  7. I’d also like to think that with the advent of science, technology, information and awareness, we can begin to halt some of the excesses of the past. It’s doctors like you who can show the profession that there is another way, even when it has been scientifically proven that operating on a hangover is us operating at less than 100%.

  8. It’s important to note, that while it’s important to have energetic integrity as a doctor, it’s no different in any of our roles – be it a businessman/woman, dentist, construction worker, etc. Clearly, a doctor’s key role is to assess and help to heal, but we can offer that as a reflection to others in how we live – and love – our lives.

  9. Very clearly explained Jane. Makes total sense that what we offer in service is compromised when we are not ‘truly madly deeply’ caring for ourselves first!

  10. It’s amazing to me – our unrivaled capacity to make life about our outer circumstances and events. This even translates right down to our relationship with our body. For life is not about tuning in to our senses in general, but living truly from our inner heart. It’s this cardio-centric way you mention Jane that makes all the difference if we honour its impulse from the start. Your words remind me that if this warmth and fire is not at the centre of all that I do, then I am off track and walking away from the truth.

  11. Jane I love this, being truly, madly, deeply in love with ourselves, but of course. And yet most of us do not live that way, we push, we strive and we put ourselves at the end of the pile and in that we guarantee that while we will take care in our work to be the best of our abilities, it will always be functional since we are not allowing ourselves the space and care to bring our true spark to what we do. So everyone misses out, and it’s great to hear a doctor turning this around, and showing all of us that it is indeed possible to love and care for ourselves and also take care of patients – there is indeed another way.

  12. “So often as a General Practitioner I was preventing the progress and the complication of disease yet I was rarely treating the root cause of that disease.” Without the deeper understanding of energy even a skilled GP can feel they are just using a sticking plaster for all the problems they are faced with.

  13. Yes Serge also introduced me to the concept that we could feel energy as well as waking me up to the fact that everything is energy, and the ability to feel the everything is no small thing and the ignorance of these facts is what leads us to live a much lesser life than we otherwise would.

  14. I smiled as I read your blog, from a tin shed to a purpose built hall, illness and disease is often brushed off by many people as something they have to deal with or get fixed, however what I have learnt through Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine is the importance to care and nurture myself, as this has an impact with everyone else I interact with, and in your case as a doctor, I can really appreciate the difference that makes to your everyday interaction with patients.

  15. Well Jane what a delight to hear a medical doctor who is open and willing to learn, and to understand that the quality of care provided comes from the way in which you choose to take care of yourself. Your patients will benefit in so many ways from this.

  16. Many of us take responsibility for other people’s choices and we can’t actually do that. The funny (not) thing is that it is very irresponsible to take responsibility for things that we are not responsible for and yet we do it feeling we are being responsible.

  17. Since hearing Serge Benhayon present on the role of energy it makes sense how energy plays an integral part to health and well-being. Being able to feel energy within my body opened my eyes to understanding the responsibility we all hold to live by a true quality and care as the way in which we live affects everyone.

  18. How many health care workers today think that they are responsible for anothers illness and, what is the burden of this mentality doing to their own bodies?

  19. It makes total sense that it is “not possible for someone who does not love and care for themselves to love and care for another.” but in our world it happens in every moment. In fact I was one who lived just like this putting the care for others way before my own care because that was the entrenched belief in the society I grew up in. I learned the hard way, through getting ill from exhaustion that, this may be an accepted belief that many lived by, but it was definitely not a truth. Caring for ourselves first is not selfish it actually benefits all those around us as the care we give them comes with a much deeper quality.

  20. Thank you Jane, for sharing so many valuable points for us to consider. We all are naturally clairsentient beings, by virtue of the fact that in essence we are all the vibration of love personified. Yet we have lost our ability to read, feel, be aware and know energy through our disconnection to the love we are, our Soul, hence we lose our way by losing our sense of who we are along with our sixth sense, our clairsentience, which is what guides us to know what is true and what is not, what is of love and what is not through life. Yet what is so awe-full (amazing and full of awe) is that this sense is always available for us to re-connect to, to develop, through our connection to our bodies. Hence the value in developing a relationship with honesty along with a loving relationship with our bodies in order for us to develop our awareness of what feels true and what feels loving, knowing then which will support us best in order for us to truly be ourselves.

  21. Short, sweet and simple and huge for anyone that may feel burdened by any of life’s commitments. I know for myself I serve and care for others best in my lightness, in my joy. If there is burden there is no care. In loving and caring for myself I know that nothing need be carried by me alone, there is support when we connect to ourselves and others.

  22. Funny that you said you were not looking for healing but wanted to connect to your heart – as you share, there is no greater healing for you and your patients than that.

  23. ‘So often as a General Practitioner I was preventing the progress and the complication of disease yet I was rarely treating the root cause of that disease. There was a feeling that we were not getting to the bottom of it.’ Jane, I love the utter humbleness with which you have approached your review of the business of being a doctor. Although I am sure some already feel similar, this kind of ‘beginner’s mind’ approach is surely one all in the medical profession could afford to adopt.

  24. Being aware of and feeling, or sensing, energy gives us a starting point for reading what is really going on. With practise we begin to have confidence in this and staying in the humility that this blog is written in and with the commitment to love and the health of our hearts, on every level, we can be such a support for each other. So lovely to see this within the medical field where doctors and nurses are stretched to the limit. The care and love we develop for ourselves gives us a solid foundation to live from.

  25. I felt responsible for others for my entire life up to meeting Serge Benhayon and feeling the truth of the ageless wisdom that we are only responsible for ourselves. To believe otherwise is a grand illusion that keeps up in the self-abusive pattern of putting other first and not caring about ourselves. There’s no love available for anyone in this pattern of choices, but the instant we choose to put ourselves first, all the love in the universe is right there bring expressed through us for ourselves and everyone equally.

  26. I grew up with people telling me the basic abc’s of how to be and stay well – wash your hands, wrap up warm, eat your greens and so on. But gosh today I feel we really should be telling our children from day 1 ‘whatever you do avoid emotions in your life’. By going into these fictional dramas we not only get attention but poison our body too. They really aren’t good for me and you. Thank you Jane for reminding us what self-care and being a doctor is all about.

  27. Great to come back to this blog again and feel the simplicity of the truth and love that is expressed and to allow ourselves to feel, observe and understanding energy, living in this awareness and sharing our findings verbally when appropriate.

  28. It seems more and more now the health of our healthcare practitioners is coming under that lime light, and it is about time the truth of their training and the pressures they are under come from under the shadows. Conversations about depression, exhaustion and doctor’s suiciding are well over due – how bad does it have to get before they change the culture of the learning, and the expectations placed on the junior doctors.

  29. Self care is a vital ingredient in life that is largely ignored by most industries regardless of the statistics of burnout that abound. The benefits of listening to your body and caring for it is a beautiful way to move through life that truly honours the enormous part you play in your own health and well being.

  30. I have always found it easy to care for others but when it came to turning that love back on myself, it was a much more confronting exercise. Thanks to the support of Uni Med, I am exploring everyday, more and more what this self love looks like and the fact that it is not so much something I give to others or that attempt to turn back on myself, as much as it something that I have always been but have covered up. So allowing the love that I am to be honoured and nurtured is an unfolding I am grateful for.

  31. I love the way this blog is written so simply to share the core ingredient of the vitality humanity is searching for without quick fixes but simple levels of responsibility that stems from oneself not another.

  32. “When I was a young doctor it was usual for the doctors’ common room which we used when we were on duty, to have a bar. It was not uncommon for people to drink while on duty.” This is quite scary to think that doctors were drinking while on duty, but to me this shows how much we have accepted alcohol as a normal part of the day and the disregard we have not only for ourselves but the patients that put their trust in the medical profession. My father was a doctor and alcohol was his daily medication for coping with the long hours he worked and I feel this is what many of the doctors use alcohol for, rather than seeing the underlying exhaustion they are living with. Thank God for Serge Benhayon for showing us how much alcohol affects our very being and that we are no longer ourselves when we drink and that we need to look at why we need alcohol rather saying we enjoy it.

  33. “Serge presented to me a new concept – that of the importance of being able to feel energy. ” like you Jane before meeting Serge I was not sure what to do with what i felt, it made no sense, no one spoke about the truth of feeling energy. What Serge helped me appreciate is that everything is because of energy and that means the more I listen and let myself feel energy the greater understanding I have. If you take away energy life does not make sense, add in energy and no matter how crazy life is you can have understanding.

  34. Loving myself truly, madly, deeply. I love that and love being around people who do this as they feel very safe and inspiring to be with.

  35. The example of drinking in between shifts concerning doctors is a great one for what we consider normal, we discern what is normal but the majority opinion, rather than discerning for ourselves, if we chose to be with what we felt is true instead of following the pack so to speak, we would be in a much better situation in society, there are many habits and choices that are deeply harming to us all, but that we call normal and so endorse or collude with in doing so.

  36. I love your integrity, imagine if all doctors took role modelling great health and deep care in the way they looked after themselves as seriously as they took their profession and helping others – what if sometimes inspiration was all someone needed?

  37. Considering that what we offer another in terms of care depends on our own level of self care takes responsibility to another whole level.

  38. Learning about energy changes our whole perception of life, our awareness and the way in which we are living and when we are inspired to deepen our relationship with ourselves and to treat our body with more loving care it is possible to initiate great change to our whole quality of being.

  39. Thank you Jane, it struck me reading that doctors mostly deal with illness, injury, diseases etc, but why don’t we go to them for wellness? Why don’t we have doctors that work with people to establish a healthy way of being, including self care, before any illness is present (as well as after)? And wouldn’t a doctor be a great person to enter education systems to teach children about how amazing the body is and to value it preciously and take great care of it? And I feel that doctors could broaden their reach substantially by visiting workplaces but not necessarily for health checks but to communicate with adults about the amazing human body, about self care, and taking care of one’s health – again establishing foundations of wellness. Perhaps we have limited how we see doctors and how they should interact in their roles. Doctors and nurses are such great people, broadening their reach into society, as well as their purpose, could be really beneficial for all.

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