Healing Choices and Abnormal Pap Smears

by Amina Tumi, Hair Salon Owner, London

When I was 20, I had a Pap smear test, which was abnormal. Because of this I have had to have yearly tests since then. I had colposcopy and treatment 6 years ago but every smear test was abnormal, until 2012.  Last year and this year the results have been normal again. I have not had any additional treatment since the colposcopy six years ago although it is possible I missed follow up appointments due to moving house and changing doctors.

What strikes me as very interesting is that I have changed my life so very much in the last two years; the way I eat, the way I sleep, the way I work, the way I am with people. I feel that this cannot be a coincidence. I feel that my recent choices must have something to do with this change in my smear results.

How powerful are our choices if this is true? Well it has to be said I am very glad that I have started to make these life-changing choices now. I am 32 years old and I have had the threat of cancer hanging over me since I was 20. I do not want to suffer with some awful cancer if I can help it, and looking at these recent results it may be that I can help myself.

What I have asked myself is, why have I not taken time over my teens and early twenties to reassess how I was living and how this could affect me when I am older? I remember thinking that being old was so long away and that we get old and die anyway, so there is really no need to think about being old now, that now was always about having fun and working hard. But what I now see as I stand here at the age of 32 years is we actually spend more time being old than we do being young and so this brings to my attention the serious importance of taking responsibility for my own body and how I am with it and how I treat it.

What would the end result be if I did not stop and change the way I was living?

What have I already done to my body thus far that cannot be undone?

These are questions I find myself asking now, which feels a much more realistic way of looking at it, than the ‘whatever, you only live once’ attitude that I once had.

It can feel like we are going to miss something if we don’t go to that party or visit that friend, or it can feel that the world will end if you don’t get certain jobs done, but what about asking your body “Hey, how are you feeling today and what would you like to do?” and “How would you like to do it?”

I have started a relationship with myself and this is how I see the changes in my life. I do not just do things because everyone else does or because it is expected of me. I also say no to others if I feel their hectic crazy life is impacting mine. I see myself as important and worth spending time on. Although I have much work to do here, I do not feel in a rush and I am enjoying me along the way.



238 thoughts on “Healing Choices and Abnormal Pap Smears

  1. When we are in relationship with our bodies, illnesses, potential or otherwise, can be understood and with commitment to making loving changes, be healed.

  2. The problem is not having energetic awareness of whole body and whole life with understanding that what we do in early life and adulthood becomes us in elder years. We must learn to build our body from young and not waste it.

  3. So many people feel completely disempowered when they are ill and give their power over to the medical system to come up with all the answers and remedies to whatever is ailing them. Yes of course we do need the support of the excellent medical treatments we now have available, but what if we added in the element of honestly examining how we are living and whether it is truly harmonious for our bodies or not and then looking at making the necessary changes that the body will always guide us to make. This means it is no-one else’s responsibility other than our own to heal us.

  4. This is such a ground breaking blog and such a needed conversation to have. Here we have clear evidence that we are not an innocent victim to illness and disease and that we have far more say in our health and wellbeing than we realise or perhaps allow ourselves to be aware of.

  5. I can so relate to that attitude of ‘as long as it gives me what I want right now, I don’t care what happens afterwards’. In my early 20s I was at a chemist trying to buy an ointment for a skin rash, and was told at the counter that they would not recommend the specific one I had asked for as it contained adrenal cortex hormone that might improve the condition now but in a long term not a good thing to have for my body and years later it might come to the surface, and my reply was ‘If it’s going to happen when I am old, I don’t care. I would be wrinkly and not well anyway.’ My mother who was with me at the time had more sense and thanked the chemist and ushered me out. It took me many years to truly appreciate what had happened then.

    1. Fumiyo I know that one far too well, I would want everything regardless of the consequences. I would go against the advice of others and also embrace the advice of others depending on what suited me, but all the time going against what I felt in my body.

  6. The truth is we can never really escape our bodies, only when we die do we leave it, otherwise our body is with us 24/7 in whatever state we have, through our choices, allowed it to be in. It is actually crazy that we have set-up the normalities in society to be that of bludgeoning our bodies with food and alcohol, and that these are activities that we worry about missing out on when we begin to consider caring for our body and being. It goes to show how far away we have ventured away from living in connection to the love we are with and the love we all deserve to live with, and how it is possible to return to living love at any moment whenever we are willing to develop a loving relationship with our body.

  7. Beautiful to feel your growing responsibility, sometimes we feel we may be missing out on something, but when we really feel into our body we know that by actually not participating we are taking more care of ourselves, and honouring what our body is telling us.

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