My Marriage of Conventional Medicine and Esoteric Medicine

by Fiona McGovern, Isle of Arran, Scotland 

Where I live cancer seems rife; every day we hear of another neighbour, acquaintance or friend with a diagnosis of cancer. Personally I have metastatic breast cancer; I was diagnosed six years ago at the age of 47. Finding the lump now 9 years ago was a huge shock and yet underneath the shock I heard a very still voice say: “This is your time to heal, Fiona.” I began an outward search for an answer, and as I have already written elsewhere on this blog (Breast Cancer: “Knowing what I know now, I would definitely do things differently”), this took me way off path.

When I began to work with Serge Benhayon seven years ago, I began my return to true healing, to the expression of the real Fiona – a beautiful playful wise woman, whom I had lost in all my outward searching.

How did I reconnect with her? I married conventional medicine, in the form of chemotherapy and radiotherapy, with esoteric medicine. Practically, the first step was to open myself to what the doctors could do for me. The second was to throw out all my ideals and beliefs about healing – and there were many!! Once I did this I found accepting chemotherapy straightforward. I stopped worrying about the side-effects and instead had fun with the wigs. I am now on my third, a blonde one, and am researching whether blondes really do have more fun!!!

I found myself opening up to the nurses and other patients, making lovely friends as I did. I see each weekly visit to the hospital as an opportunity to sparkle and I smile at the results – there is definitely more laughter in the waiting room and the ward.

I changed the way I was with food and began to feel what my body wanted, when it wanted it and how much it needed. I began to have fun creating new recipes with foods that truly supported my body. The nurses are always curious as to my packed lunches and they comment on how much care I take.

The last scan taken in February showed that I was responding positively to the treatment. The primary tumour in the breast has reduced in size by 15% as have the lesions in the lungs and liver.

I have had 32 weekly infusions of paclitaxel (taxol). The usual is 18, but they have said I may be on it indefinitely, because of the way I look after myself. They have little experience of this as most people can only tolerate it for the standard 18 doses, due to the side-effects of reduced white blood count or neuropathy in the feet. So far my white blood count has stayed stable and I do have neuropathy, but it is mild.

At first I was told they could only hope to hold the tumours’ growth, but clearly the medicine is doing more than holding it. “For how long?” is a question I don’t feel they can answer. They say it’s up to me – how many to have and when to have a rest.

Someone asked me the other day do I ever feel like giving up and I said ‘no’. I realised that because I have this deepening connection to me and so enjoy reconnecting and expressing deeper levels of me, there is no way I could feel like giving up.

I did however say sometimes I get fed up and that made me ponder: “Why?” I realised I had got stuck on something. I needed to lift myself up by seeing a new side effect -neuropathy in the feet- differently. I asked what I was learning here and I became aware that with the feet feeling slightly numb, I was being asked to walk with even more awareness of each step I took and how I placed my feet on the earth. I began lovely exercises with my toes to increase my awareness and appreciation for all they do for me.

I also felt to start a weekly diary of what I was celebrating with each treatment. I choose a tiny notebook I could easily carry with me and in it I record all that I am learning.  Keeping this makes each treatment fresh and fun.

I began to ask why was I apologising to others for my walking slowly and why was it getting me down. I realised that I had always gone through life at such a pace not stopping to truly feel where my body was at and what pace suited it – constantly pushing down the fact that my mind was so distracted and busy I could not truly connect to the beauty of nature around me as I cycled or walked. There was always another certificate and more knowledge to be gained. Then I realised that pace was something I took on as a child when I was unable to keep up with others in the gym, which seemed to be the way to be popular. I never understood sport or competition but instead of honouring that, I found another way to prove I was ok. I could pass exams with a good memory and I knew how to work hard so I pushed down what I felt and what my body felt to find a way to fit in….oops.

Now as I walk I feel a growing and deeper appreciation of my body. I am also now learning that it is ok to go at my own pace and definitely ok to honour my body in all I do.

When people want to speak about the illness, I keep bringing the conversation back to me as a person with a full life, so I am not identified by the illness. I also stop any sympathy, as I find that so draining. I have been known to hold my hand up and say: “No, stop, I don’t do sympathy.” I correct people when they say: “You poor soul”, as that’s simply not true. The soul is not poor; it is wealth beyond anything the world can bring and the more tender I am with myself, the more wealth I rediscover. Cancer for me was the stop I needed to bring me back to self-love and love. It has reconnected me to God and that is a true blessing.

Two years ago I asked myself: “What is it you would really love to do?” and the answer came immediately. I wanted to express myself through art and writing, so with the support of an esoteric art educator I began a daily ritual of drawing and painting and of writing a journal of my healing, with quotes that inspired me from Serge’s talks and books, and also from my own inner heart. This has given me a treasure of inspiring images and words that nourish me and others I share them with.

I recently had a visit from the hospice nurse and he said “You are the model for how it could be for people with cancer ….you have it within you ….just no-one wants to take it on board.”

People say cancer is a fight. I don’t feel it is.  The battle for me was before, when I lived from ideals and beliefs, now I have reconnected to me there is no fight or battle, just a beautiful return to truth.

Through marrying the two medicines, I have found a medicine that is tailor-made for me. I can be my playful self and the beautiful woman I was born to be and I can come out of hiding and express myself. I am blessed with the support of the doctors and of Universal Medicine, and with the marriage of the two in me.

272 thoughts on “My Marriage of Conventional Medicine and Esoteric Medicine

  1. Fiona, I homed in on ‘I found myself opening up to the nurses and others patients’. When I read this, I know that when I open myself to others, people see me for who I am, they can see when I am vulnerable, they can see me when I am sad, and the list of who I am, could go on.

    I’ve observed keeping yourself closed to others is keeping yourself closed from others and hence keeping yourself closed from yourself. An important step to discovering more about you, is being open to all.

  2. ‘I am now on my third, a blonde one, and am researching whether blondes really do have more fun!!!’ You are such an inspiration in how we can choose to be in each moment.

  3. Fiona led the way in how to be playful and joyful whilst undergoing what to most would be debilitating cancer treatment clearly showing that there is another way to approach illness and disease and how we can support ourselves whatever we are going through and be an inspiration to others.

    1. I agree Vicky, we can be playful with any illness, it is a stop moment. It can be perceived as a joyful clearing moment, or you can choose to be miserable and wallow in your own misery of being irresponsible for your wellbeing. Neither is incorrect or correct, it is bringing the understanding we are all perceiving things differently.

  4. Before esoteric medicine, I thought that cancer was just the bad luck of the draw. But thanks to esoteric medicine we can not only know the cause, we can understand how to live to help prevent cancer. And this is but the tip of the iceberg that the esoteric can and does bring to enrich our lives if we embrace the teachings of the Ageless Wisdom. The key though is that it is not about enriching only our life, but the lives of all of us.

    1. Absolutely Doug. Esoteric Medicine gives us the support and tools to look at what is truly going on energetically and to lovingly start to address it. This is key along with conventional medicine to truly get to and heal the root cause and even if something like cancer does not heal or clear we still have the opportunity to heal and clear this energetically in our body which of course then supports the next life when we reincarnate.

  5. So true, the battle we put ourselves through – the fight to go against the what is and the truth of who we are, we armour ourselves with ideals and beliefs, resisting the simplicity of our Soul and its way, and we don’t recognize it as such until we find our way back in the sweetest surrender.

  6. We cannot see cancer as a fight, cancer is an opportunity for us to see patterns that we have held on to for many many years, they are deeply ingrained and as a result we have it reflected back to us through illness and disease in a way it is the body’s way of discarding all that is not who we are, when we see it like that we realise how amazing our anatomy is and that the body heals itself through illness and disease when the body can no longer carry our un-dealt with issues.

    1. Fighting cancer does not allow us to see the opportunity that we are being presented with to heal the ill patterns that we have chosen for so long. Instead of fighting we can choose to surrender to this process in a deeply self loving way.

  7. It is incredibly inspiring to read Fiona’s blog, that the care and love that we can give ourselves supports us through the toughest of times and that when we value ourselves we have an ability to take our treatment in our stride, knowing that to love ourselves is the greatest Medicine of all.

  8. Wow and what a marriage that would be. Conventional Medicine needs Esoteric Medicine more than ever before. Conventional Medicine is amazing and has developed in so many ways, yet the fact is we are getting sicker and sicker. I don’t think this obvious fact is yet fully appreciated, many I have spoken to believe it is simply because we are living longer and because we are now able to treat more conditions than we did before, but this is passing off the mountain of illness and disease as normal, what other species on the planet are so sick as mankind are?

  9. An inspiring testament to looking at and understanding cancer and major illness in a completely different way, that the more we surrender and deepen our relationship with our body rather than go into the approach as a fight and battle against the body we begin to understand ourselves on a far deeper level to accept and embrace a new way of living in harmony with ourselves that establishes a true quality of being and honours our innate delicateness and sensitivity from the inside out.

  10. “People say cancer is a fight. I don’t feel it is. The battle for me was before, when I lived from ideals and beliefs, now I have reconnected to me there is no fight or battle, just a beautiful return to truth.” I love this paragraph, we spend all our lives fighting and it gets us nowhere. It’s only when we stop the fight – in whatever circumstance – that life begins to return to how joyful it really can be.

    1. Surely if we fight cancer we ensure that we learn nothing from it. Believing that we are a random victim of something that must be fought precludes us from taking the evolution that the illness offers us. Nothing just happens, everything is for a reason, and the intelligent approach is to embrace this truth.

  11. ‘People say cancer is a fight. I don’t feel it is. The battle for me was before, when I lived from ideals and beliefs, now I have reconnected to me there is no fight or battle, just a beautiful return to truth.’
    Fighting a disease has become ‘normal’ in our society today and the healing that is offered is often experienced as a curse. The beauty of combining the benefits of Western or Conventional Medicine with Esoteric Medicine is that the combination offers true healing.

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