by Ulrike Baker, Lismore Heights, Australia

Twenty-six years ago whilst pregnant with my second child I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer, a dysgerminoma. Once the tumour the size of a football was removed, I went to term with the pregnancy and delivered my baby.

One month after the birth, scan results showed the cancer had spread throughout my uterus and to the other ovary and the radical treatment offered did not seem an option to me.  This treatment was radiotherapy and a radical hysterectomy. I did not have confidence in my doctor and on some level felt I would not survive the treatment. Subsequently, I discharged myself from the hospital.

The months that followed were filled with reading, seeking and trialing many alternative therapies, including energetic and psychic healing, macrobiotic diet, buying under the counter kombu, coffee enemas (oh, too much detail!), etc etc.

I felt I was getting stronger, with psychic surgeons saying ‘the mountain’ in my abdomen was shrinking. In actual fact I was getting worse to the point where I could no longer walk and was a shadow of my size now. This was all in the dogged belief I could heal through energetic/alternative means alone.

It took a friend from outside my immediate support network to see me looking like ‘ET’ and get me to hospital. This was 4 months after giving birth and 9 months after the initial operation. It was a different hospital under a different doctor who offered a different treatment. On admission the nurses said I wouldn’t last two days. However, when admitted to hospital I had a strong inner knowing that I would be OK, that I would heal from this disease.

When I was first admitted I had dangerously high levels of calcium in the blood so this needed to be stabilised before chemotherapy could commence. The treating doctors were not certain on the treatment for the high calcium levels, but proceeded to flush the calcium from my system, resulting in me blowing up like a balloon but gradually the calcium levels reduced. Following this, chemotherapy was started and my body slowly responded. (Maybe it was due to the million-dollar view of the harbour and the big boats in the Bicentenary Year!) In the months that followed, 25 years ago, the overnight visits for chemotherapy were anticipated with dread and I found the only way to get through them was to take charge and manage the situation. I did notice how other patients seemed so disempowered in their hospital bed and felt I had to be different to get through this. For example, I would walk laps of the hospital ward for hours pushing along the drip; manage my medication schedule by deciding when to have anti-nausea, sleeping and pain medication, so I could get through the overnight infusion of cis-platinum.

I knew at the time the decision to avoid hospitalisation was partly based on fear I had of any invasive treatments to the body ie surgery/needles and the fear of the pain this would inflict. I can say now that western medicine saved my life and within that I was still able to make decisions on how I would manage the treatment I received.

During the recovery phase, my family moved to the north coast of NSW. I saw my oncology doctors for the regular checkups and continually explored complementary medicine/alternative modalities as a means to provide a more holistic form of healing and to support my recovery. Over time this included herbal remedies, acupuncture, hypnotherapy, Chinese medicine, rebirthing, Bowen technique, colonics, Gematria, to name a few. I thought and felt at the time that with each new alternative treatment/modality I had found the answer. All that I did seemed right for me at the time, however I still had the sense of searching coming from deep within me.

One day I came across a flyer for an Esoteric Healing treatment in a local health food store. The Universal Medicine clinic had a lovely calm feeling about it, which felt somehow familiar and hence from having a treatment there I started to attend the presentations.

It’s through attending Universal Medicine presentations that my understanding and awareness of the healing process and of living has changed. I noticed how my previous decisions showed disregard for my body and that I wasn’t really taking responsibility for my wellness – that I still wanted something outside of myself to fix me without my committed input. This does not discount the need for medicine as a tool in assisting this process.

I discovered I held the key to my healing, that I have a responsibility to care for myself, every day and to seek help if all is not well with my body – that true medicine is the way I live. I have come to learn that healing comes from within and it is about the choices I make in each moment that can either bring me closer to my inner loveliness or keep me in separation.

Since that journey I am keenly aware in my body of the need for a balance between conventional medicine, complementary medicine  and now esoteric medicine (being open and allowing my own healing ability within).