by Paul Moses, Newrybar, Australia

I am a very fortunate man. On a daily basis I get to meet many people through my antique shop in Newrybar, a small town in the Northern Rivers region of Australia, which has become a destination for many.

This was not the case in the recent past times; to me people were an annoyance and a frustration that I had to deal with while earning a living in retail. What an arrogance I lived in, or in truth existed in and with.

This past came to an abrupt halt when, three years ago my heart finally had enough of this very existence and started stopping, missing beats and finally fibrillating as if it was choking from holding something back and all life, vitality, drained from my body. This was truly scary. My arrogance was confronted by the fact that life could be taken away, that it was not mine as such to be misused as I had.

Lying in an emergency cardiac ward had never been my intention, however I clearly knew all my choices for 53 years had led me to this very place and those choices, whether I thought them good or bad, I had to review them all.

With the help and patience of my partner Anne Malatt, who had learnt a method of placing her hands on my kidneys, her hands were so beautiful and warm compared to my body and somehow she was able to pass on to me a life that my body lacked. This allowed me to at least lay and move around with less fibrillation, but more so it brought up some huge issues. I was becoming reliant on and loved these moments, but had abused Anne for many years in her very seeking to learn this bodywork at Universal Medicine. My body was starting to tell me a truth that my mind never did and had never allowed.

Struggling for months, I realised that life was never going to be the same. I sought help from Neil Ringe, an acupuncturist, now practising chakrapuncture whom I had known and trusted for many years. To be honest I was never sold on acupuncture, but I was on Neil. Our sessions were scary and amazing all in one; there was definite change for the better, and for the first time I started to feel the dis-ease of my body.

I learnt that I had to remain present in all that I did; this I learnt in attempting to cook. I had always enjoyed food, but even had trouble eating at this stage. I could not walk for more than 20 metres, I could not work, watch TV, read, or anything, really, without going into fibrillation. I needed a purpose, so I put a stool in the kitchen and prepared to cook for myself and family. This was easier said than done; moving around and picking up a stool or saucepan was a recipe for fibrillation and so I would flop on the stool or plain end up lying on the floor until I could collect myself and start again.

After days of this I’d had enough and I reached a point where I moved a pot and remained consciously present with me and my movement. This was something new and not easy; however what was amazing in this state was that I did not experience fibrillation.

I knew I had to go further and my body showed the way. I emailed Serge Benhayon (Anne had to write the letter for me) and asked for his advice, the person whose work I had so many issues with. Serge answered promptly as always with what was needed, as if coming from a part of me that I was still learning to listen to. He agreed to see me as Anne had offered me her appointment in two month’s time. In the meantime I had lots to work with.

I started to more and more listen to my body. With food, I had been vegetarian for 20 years and now started to eat meat. I started to feel why I ate food and what state it left my body in. The changing of sleeping patterns and going to bed at 8.30 pm was a must. And I practised a gentle breathing exercise or meditation; this I did for five to ten minutes up to four times a day. I would breathe in gently to find myself and breathe out gently to show the world myself. Within a short time breathing in my body seemed to become more expansive and my breath would go to a deeper state of awareness of me. I became aware of a deeper pulse I had behind my physical heart (this pulse I now know as my impulse). When I am consciously present with this pulse my heart lungs body and life are in the rhythm of me – my true self.

I had met Serge 12 years earlier- I did not realise what a missed opportunity at the time. On meeting Serge 12 years later all I had gone through seemed a blessing and it was. We talked of loving oneself, of being one self and the fact that in essence we are all love. He passed on an inspiration of a way of life that I now live with.

I now walk in my impulse and live in love. I still have times when I am confronted with issues and revert to old habits, but always choose to return to that which I now know I am: love.

During a day I meet and work with the most amazing people, the same people that not long ago annoyed and frustrated me.

Each week I have people come to me and ask what I have done. They say I have changed so much and that I am an inspiration for them. I was inspired to be; now I inspire to be.