by Anna Karam, Goonellabah, Australia
I am a 35 year old woman. I am also a loving wife, mother of three gorgeous children, owner of a successful small business (successful by definition here being a joy to work in) and casual checkout operator at my local supermarket. I’m sorry, did I forget to mention here that I am also amazing! It’s true – I love my life, I love myself, my family (in this I include many) and I love people. But life for me hasn’t always been like this. In fact, up until a few years ago I had suffered from Bulimia Nervosa, a psychological disease which began in my early teens.
For those of you who don’t know, Bulimia is medically defined as an characterised by binge eating and purging, or consuming a large amount of food in a short amount of time followed by an attempt to rid oneself of the food consumed (purging), typically by vomiting, taking a laxative or diuretic and/or excessive exercise. But for me this definition doesn’t give a true understanding of the absolute physical and mental torture and self abuse that make up this disease.
In my experience Bulimia has always been one of those ills that people don’t really want to speak of. Not unless it is happening with themselves or someone close to them. It is one of those taboo subjects you simply don’t touch! It even has medical professionals baffled. I feel this has contributed to why so many young men and women (including myself) are able to hide this disease so easily from the outside world, whilst secretly living behind closed doors with so much pain and torment.
For me Bulimia looked like this. I would wake in the morning and the first thing I would think about was food, how much was I going to eat today, how much exercise would I need to do to counter this, and would I find myself bingeing and having to take a trip to the toilet to bring up all the food I had so fervently shoved down in an attempt to numb myself out or sabotage when I was actually feeling good.The latter would happen more often than not. I would then go to bed feeling ashamed, my body hurt, and my mind was already in the torment of what tomorrow would bring.
At times when I was living with others, I would find this difficult, to hide the bingeing, the empty wrappers, the cereal boxes that went down so quickly, the ice-cream that never lasted. I figured out which foods were easier to bring up so as to be not so hard on my throat, cause swelling around the glands in my neck, or dilate my pupils, whatever was needed to not get found out, it was all highly orchestrated. Learning how to bring food up quietly became an art. Aside from all the physical damage, there was the constant shame and guilt that was inescapable, and deeper than this was the enormous sadness in the knowing that it was I who was doing this to myself. This disease was nothing short of a prison. A self imposed isolation that at its very core was an inability for me to accept the world as it is, and to accept me in all my light, my truth, my glory and to not be afraid to show this.
When I was 31 I was introduced to Universal Medicine. I listened to Serge Benhayon speak about self love, honesty, responsibility and choices. Each of these words resonated so deeply with me, and so I made the choice to explore this for myself. I also started attending presentations on Women’s Health by Natalie Benhayon, which inspired me in so many ways to connect more deeply with myself as a woman first and foremost.
I feel it is important to say here that I didn’t start attending these presentations and making different choices in an attempt to heal the bulimia. This was something I had long given up to be even possible for me after having previously sought out pretty much every modality on offer from East to West. I started making these choices and changing how I was with myself because everything I was hearing simply made sense. Why wasn’t I tender with myself? Why didn’t I listen to and honour the feelings I had? What was it about me that chose to abuse myself or to allow abuse from another?
What was presented to me was that change had to start within ourselves, that we cannot wait for others or expect others to make the changes, but that this needs to come from every individual in their own time and at their own pace. I never once felt judged or pushed to hurry up and get it right. In fact Serge Benhayon was the first practitioner to know about my condition before I even opened my mouth to share it, and in this there was already a healing for me and an opportunity to be more open and honest with myself.
What happened from here is nothing short of amazing. Through simply choosing to be more in tune with my body, to tend to myself with a greater level of care and love, and to take more responsibility for my choices I have turned my whole life around. At first (and considering the pattern I was in) I found this difficult, it was new for me to love myself, and something I had always felt I couldn’t express to others. I had long associated self love with selfishness , vanity, or being ‘up yourself’ as my school friends used to say. And yet gradually this started to change, it became more easy , in fact I discovered that it is actually very natural to love and care for me. From the way I choose to brush my hair, wash myself, in how to dress, the foods I choose and how I prepare them, the way I walk, how I hold my body, it is there in everything – the opportunity to conduct myself gently and lovingly and to appreciate who I truly am.
Without even trying, one day I woke up and the bulimia was no longer a part of my life. It had stopped. I had stopped. And if anyone was there throughout that period they would not believe seeing where I am today. I have come to see myself for the precious woman that I am and my life is becoming truly amazing from this.
What have I learnt from all this? I have learnt how important it is to self love, to honour my feelings, to listen to my body, to hold myself in the deepest regard, and from here consider all others in that same light. I have learnt how important it is to accept things as they are, but that this acceptance doesn’t mean giving up on oneself, or on people. I have learnt to trust in myself and from here I am beginning to trust once again in others. And with the support of my incredible husband, I have learnt to make light of situations, to have fun and not take things so seriously as I had always done.
Yes, I have healed Bulimia, and it has been through my own choices, but I could not have done this without the enormous love and support of Universal Medicine and the presentations delivered by Serge and Natalie Benhayon that have been nothing short of amazing and continue to inspire me each time I attend. I have turned around an existence that saw me struggling from day to day to living a life that is truly joy-full – in my home, my work, and my body. And the beauty is that I can feel there is so much more. I am discovering that there is simply no end to where self love can take us. It’s only the beginning and what a truly powerful beginning for me it has been. Endless thanks to Universal Medicine for how it has supported me to truly change my life, and for the countless others I have witnessed do the same.
Read more:
Medicine and Serge Benhayon 
The transformation you have gone through Anna is out of this world. Working with you today is an absolute pleasure, you are sweet, genuine, caring and so so loving. I cannot imagine the woman who you were when this was part of your life and we are so blessed that you have come out of it and are now standing on the other side.
Lack of self-love takes us to self-abuse in its wide range of varieties. When we come back to love everything gets naturally balanced.
That is so true Linda. There is not a single thing we can do in this world to ourselves or to others, that we cannot heal from.
When we love and care for ourselves it stands out to others who may not be loving or caring for themselves (I was and can sometimes go into this basket) Once we experience that and continuously so it makes the un-loving choices louder and the pull to love ourselves stronger as we now have an example of someone doing just that. How important then is it not just for ourselves but others to love ourself.
Universal Medicine together with Serge Benhayon and Natalie Benhayon present and support us to make more loving choices for ourselves, I have over the years of deeply appreciating those loving choices found that I can be my own worst enemy, or my own greatest advocate.
The support that has been offered by Universal Medicine to so many is a testament of how an organisation puts people first and therefore the gold is in the true healing and life changing markers that allows them to bring vitality back into their lives.
Change has to start within ourselves, as you so aptly describe Anna. When we start to love and appreciate ourselves again it’s amazing the changes that can occur.
This daily cycle of abuse and inner self abating torment sounds truly awful. And to be caught up in this must be its own kind of hell. However, the fact that you have changed brings light on to the subject of bulimia, and gives a new path for anyone else who may be experiencing the same. Awesome that you have changed.
Hi Shami,
What’s even bigger then dealing with the cycle of abuse you are caught in is the realisation that you are actually yourself choosing it. When you start to see this, then the real healing begins.
Love,
Anna
That’s such a big ouch, whether we have chosen bulimia or any number of other abuses we may be doing to ourselves. But recognizing this can be the start of the healing path back to health and love.
Anna it’s even more insidious than us doing this to ourselves, consider that we are given the script to play out many different self abusive scenarios, we have become billboards for an energy that will stop at nothing to disrupt the inevitable return to the one soul. We think we think, when actually we believe the narrative we are fed from the astral plane.
This is such a powerful sharing. It tells me how disharmony is simply absence of love and when love returns harmony returns.
It is only truth lived and shared which can inspire us to truly change our life and heal our deepest hurts. Solutions, quick fixes, words that are not lived may give temporary relief but will never truly heal.
“Through simply choosing to be more in tune with my body, to tend to myself with a greater level of care and love, and to take more responsibility for my choices I have turned my whole life around” Thankyou for sharing your inspiring story Anna. Many of us have healed old habits- not by trying – but by giving ourselves more love and care. Universal Medicine – and our own new lifestyle choices – have a lot to answer for!
This is the essence ‘ to learn that it is natural to love and care for ourselves’. a simple truth ignored by the many.
Anna, many will relate to your story, whether bulimic or not. The familiar pattern of knowing something is wrong, yet unable to stop a repeating and abusive cycle, feeling utterly stuck and being hard on yourself. Through you, we learn that whatever the situation, self-love can heal and transform our lives.
Thank you for sharing so openly and honestly you show how much Bulimia can take over someone’s life, to the extent that their every waking moment is about food and the control it has over them. I feel the more this is talked about the less it will prevail because it is keeping it secret and hidden is what feeds its continuation and keeps the self imposed imprisonment that you talk about.
‘I listened to Serge Benhayon speak about self love, honesty, responsibility and choices.’ I love the way Serge Benhayon encourages us all to heal from within and there are always practitioners who can help with understanding support, such as Natalie Benhayon offers with Esoteric Womens’ Health. Reading this story written 5 years ago and seeing the beautiful woman you are now, Anna, is inspiring, clearly your journey has been a tough one but well worth it.
That’s very true Carmel, it has been worth every single step.
‘Why wasn’t I tender with myself? Why didn’t I listen to and honour the feelings I had? What was it about me that chose to abuse myself or to allow abuse from another?’ The moment we start to ask these questions and be honest with ourselves, the door to healing opens and (self)love can enter and change our way.
The trouble is that the vast majority of us aren’t aware that we’re not being tender with ourselves or that we’re allowing abuse in and the reason for that is because the energetic source that is impulsing us to move doesn’t give us the option of pondering these things. This combined with the fact that all around us we see other people throwing themselves around and not looking after themselves adds to our inability to truly ask ourselves what’s going on. What I have found is that by changing the quality of my movements I have switched my alignment to a source of energy that offers me the opportunity to truly know how I’m being with myself and to make adjustments from a place of truth.
In truth Bulimia isn’t so isolated, for when you look at the way we educate ourselves and live life, it’s purely by regurgitating knowledge and things we’ve been told. It’d be a huge breakthrough to admit this energy is at play in so many things we do. Whichever the form this way of overloading and bring it all up is seriously bad for our health. Thank you Anna.
To wake up one day and no longer feel the urge to binge and purge is amazing and shows the power we have to heal ourselves when we have a true understanding of why we do the things we do to abuse our body. Self love and self nurturing can never be underestimated, it brings a focus to the body and how precious it really is.
Anna what you share where is very supportive and healing for anyone else who is going through something similar, the choices you made to heal this condition would be very inspiring for many.
Wow Wow and Wow loved listening to how you brought in self love and naturally there was no more room in your life for bulimia, your blog is inspiring to all whether they have an eating disorder or not – self love is the answer to so many problems. To deepen self love is deepen one’s connection with God.
Anna a beautiful blog to read, how through making more self loving changes you realised that ‘it is actually very natural to love and care for me. From the way I choose to brush my hair, wash myself, in how to dress, the foods I choose and how I prepare them, the way I walk, how I hold my body, it is there in everything – the opportunity to conduct myself gently and lovingly and to appreciate who I truly am.’ For me this says it all.
“I have learnt how important it is to self love, to honour my feelings, to listen to my body, to hold myself in the deepest regard, and from here consider all others in that same light. ” if this is the single thing to have learnt from what Serge has presented then it is something that changes the entire world, how amazing and also how amazing to consider this is as you say one of many things.
“to hold myself in the deepest regard” – that is so important, and to know that you are deeply precious (as we all are) supports us to hold ourselves in this regard.
Your sharing here Anna reminds me how adept we have become at creating pastimes and activities that fill up our day and take the place of life. We get stressed and overwhelmed, yet what are we actually doing? Just pursuing things that suppress our feelings and how amazing we are! We make this into a virtual art form. Imagine if we brought this majesty and craft to a dedication to truth and living love. This world would not know what had touched it, but surely our grace, sacredness and divinity would be impossible to miss.
What’s amazing about this is that you didn’t seek to change or address the bulimia, you simply made a choice to make your life better quality – more loving, more caring, more committed – and that naturally dealt with it. It’s got me thinking – if that is possible, what else is possible?
“What was it about me that chose to abuse myself or to allow abuse from another?” to even ask this question is a huge step forward for so many of us, I remember when I eventually wanted to ask why I would be abusive and do things that were not loving and caring for me. It was a huge challenge but once I worked through it I never looked back.
Anna this is a very powerful and supportive sharing for everyone. Self-love has no limits and is absolutely foundational in our well-being.
Love it Anna and you are spot on. Self-love is not ‘self-ish’ or ‘up yourself’ it is in fact a connection to who we truly are – and is available to all of us equally. In fact it could be said that to not love yourself is selfish because it is to withhold the love that we are from everyone. That is a million times more selfish than loving ourselves is. And your healing is proof of the fact, just as mine is too – and the many others who have chosen self-love and their way. Thank you for sharing this here. It offers the potential for amazing healing for so many others.
Anna you are one of many miracle stories that shower from Universal Medicine sharing how their life has turned around from the support that is offered that is like no other. Your blog shows that instead of trying to control and use will power to stop a mental illness one need only to go to the core of the issue, bring true healing and by virtue of this the illness heals itself.
Thank you for sharing how Universal Medicine supported you to find the key to unlock the prison of bulimia and set you on the road to healing yourself. With the increasing pressure on teenage girls to conform to unrealistic body shapes this blog is a much needed counterpoint to the forces of social media and demonstrates the lack of self-love behind all these behaviours that come from not accepting ourselves as we are and how much we all have to offer humanity.
It’s very rare that an organisation is able to support so many people and it is unheard of for individuals to be inspired and to truly healing what the root causes are for their conditions in the way that Universal Medicine inspires. This is the future of health care, today.
The miracle of (self) love.
To truly heal such a challenging condition such as bulimia, is amazing and the fact you have turned your life around is an inspiration.
What you offer here Anna is a huge way forward for others who may be or know of someone who is silently suffering with this disease. Bringing an understanding as to why this is happening brings great healing from someone who has lived it and now bringing a truth to the world. The truth of how amazing we all are, even underneath the condition.
So great to have this blog out there for others to read how love can transform us in the most beautiful and simple way, and that we are the key to our very health and vitality when we choose to connect to our truth and override the minds games and let go of past patterns.
This path you have taken, and the healing you have done is worthy of study and reporting, for it offers great opportunity for others who are also affected by this condition.
I agree Heather. This testimony shows that it is possible to get out of bulimia and that self love is the foundation for a healthy life.
How amazing that you were able to reverse your obsession with food and literally undo the pattern. This is a must read for anyone who is stuck in the same pattern and believes they can’t get out of it. Change starts from within us. It can’t be any other way.
‘I find myself bingeing and having to take a trip to the toilet to bring up all the food I had so fervently shoved down in an attempt to numb myself out or sabotage when I was actually feeling good.’ Why is it that we feel we have to sabotage ourselves when we are feeling so good? I love your openness and transparency here Anna its very healing. And it’s truly amazing that this healed not through fixed determination but by you just simply loving yourself more .. then everything that is not love just falls away. Yep Serge, Natalie and Simone Benhayon, in fact all the Benhayons and Universal Medicine have definitely helped and supported many people to love and care for themselves more, including myself… very cool indeed.
A true and profound account of healing Anna thank you…
The key words with all the work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine is returning to a level of self care and nurturing that has been eroded over time with the lifestyle choices we are choosing. When we marry this with western medicine the support is provided to heal so much that we have allowed to stay dormant time and time again.
We all have, or have had, our addictions and abuses. Getting underneath them is not always easy but developing a loving relationship with our bodies and our ourselves seems like it’s a key part of healing, taking baby steps towards this with a lot of patience along the way.
I cannot but wonder how many people are struggling with the shame of doing something now or in the past that they cannot let go of and how this is playing out in their bodies and lives everyday.
Your words of appreciation for yourself Anna, are so far removed from how you used to deal with life, and your feelings. Well done – very inspiring to read.
It is just stunning that you were able to heal something so pervasive and all consuming. The power of simply making choices to take responsibility and offer yourself a greater level of love and care was clearly the key for your profound healing… simple wisdom that now shared could help many.
Samantha what you share here can’t be forgotten, its like we are able to transform and heal but only if we are the ones willing to look at how we are living. Amazing results, something we can all do but our choice if we do or don’t.
There is nothing at all that can’t be healed, nothing. The resurrection of God within our bodies has the power to obliterate all perceived trauma and pain. We will all stand together again totally restored in God’s love.
…’ and deeper than this was the enormous sadness in the knowing that it was I who was doing this to myself.’ A lot of us live with this sadness because we deep down know we are the creators of our own pain by disregarding ourselves and our body in various ways. It is very inspiring to read that you’ve chosen and were able to turn around your way of existing into a loving and joyful way of living and that’s something we all can if we start with taking steps towards loving ourselves and honouring our bodies.
We have this idea that we have to care for others or care for ourselves but somehow we can’t do both and of course many of us have a pattern where we neglect ourselves to care for others. This is not so, but it’s very prevalent and it takes time and true care to undo these ideals and to truly appreciate and love ourselves and of course others are loved in that too. It’s not a zero sum game, and the key to all care is that it starts with us and spreads out from there to encompass all around us.
Bulimia is very extreme and incredibly damaging no question, and I wonder how many of us are walking around with this critic in our head.. whether it’s as extreme as bulimia, or a general undertone of dissatisfaction as we watch ourselves not living how we know we want to, but unwilling to look a bit deeper and do the real spade work needed to transform ourselves?
Once again I am impressed by how we can become if we avoid to live the love that we are, how abusive to our bodies we then become, all patterns and habits just to not feel the uneasiness of us not choosing love to be part of our lives.
Anna this is such a healing sharing that I am sure many will benefit from. Just knowing that there is a way to heal ones self through something as beautiful as self love is amazing.
Reading what you share feels so powerful to me Anna. I am struck by how I have exactly the same pattern you describe with the way I work. It makes me think that just because we have a word for a condition like ‘Bulimia’ we feel safe and content that we have it defined and boxed it in. But actually this behaviour is so much bigger than we prefer to think. It’s beautiful though to realise this as it means, the healing that you chose, is possible for me to choose too.
Thank you for sharing this Anna. While never having such a condition I can relate so much to the control and rigidity and the judgement that the mind can seemingly trap us in. But as you shared “the opportunity to conduct myself gently and lovingly and to appreciate who I truly am.” Is always available in every moment.
Well said Leigh, when we are in the turmoil of an illness we can bypass the truth that we can choose change at any moment. The turmoil is so loud that the voice of change is but a mere whisper and the voice of another is needed to sound out and support the change that’s always on offer.